Chasing Amy No More...

I've finally figured this thing out. Of course, I'm always the kid who loves the party right when it's about to end, but I think I've got this thing figured out.

George was right. Tony was right. Not about the gay thing. I loves the women. But it makes no sense that I'm holding out for something that's never gonna happen; it's foolish.

I'm an only child. I'm used to getting my way. Everything I've ever wanted, I've gotten. I don't quit anything, and I accept a challenge, with the incentive that i will eventually get what I'm after.

Now, Natalie's no object. And it's not that kind of situation. I love her. I truly do, but I don't have a chance. I don't. This chapter of my life will be entitled "Barking Up The Wrong Tree". I should've internalized this in the very beginning, but I would always wonder "What if?" Well, now I know. And knowing's half the battle. It truly is. Those G.I. Joes weren't lying! Now that I know, I gotta figure out what to do with said knowledge...

But, this was never about "a chance". As Lip would say, "Calm Down and Enjoy The Fucking Dip". She's an awesome girl, and I'm lucky to have her in my life. She really is my best friend, and that means a lot. She once asked me where I wanted this whole thing to go, and my answer was, "I'm not sure. But I never want to not know you." I know that's awkward phrasing, but I meant it. I don't really care what capacity it's in, I don't wanna lose her in my life. In the past, with the Amani's, et. al, I'd say, "I'd rather have you as a friend than as nothing at all." That was complete bullshit. I hated those girls when it was over, and I just wanted to save face. This, however, is very different. Hell, everything about it's been "different"! So, I know I can do this.

Yeah, I'm in love with her, but I also love her. And I want her to be happy. Knowing that I can't fully provide that is the first step in dealing with this in a mature fashion. I've simply gotta acknowledge that, in that dept, I'm not what's best for her. That hurts like a bitch, but no one said this was gonna be easy.

So, let's take a deep breath, and brace ourselves for the next chapter. It's been a CRAZY summer, and I'm gonna miss the old girl, but I know where to find her, and vice versa. Now, I've gotta get ready for whatever's gonna fly around the corner next...

Posted by William @ 8/22/2004 11:28:41 PM
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