I know I vowed I was taking a break, but Hell, Cher's Farewell Tour has been going on for 3 yrs, so I think I can get away with this. Conversation with Lip, Special Guest Star: Shelly.

The conversation started with Lip and I discussing the blossoming romance between Batman & Wonder Woman on "Justice League Unlimited". Soon afterwards, it simply spun out of control...

Me: " still can't believe that chick is a virgin. it's just so wrong. someone should be tapping that, i don't care if she WAS made out of clay"

Lip: "yeah...Superman should be all up in that. She's the only woman who can handle the force of him blowing his load"

Me: "bah. nobody's ever gonna let that go...stupid "Mallrats"... yet no one ever talks about Spidey...he's got radioactive sperm. MJ can't handle that"

Lip: "I don't think his sperm is radioactive"

Me: "his blood is...or what about the Hulk? he'd rip betty banner apart upon orgasm... or Mr. Fantastic. he prolly let's loose like a runaway firehose...poor betty banner... poor invisible woman.... and poor MJ"

Lip: "the Hulk would only do that if he was the Hulk at the time... not if he was Bruce Banner"

Me: "but, psychologically, there's a thin line between pleasure and pain. i think, upon orgasm, he'd hulk out and rip her open"

Lip: "I don't think so...he only Hulks out when he gets angry... and, unless he's having some angry sex, I doubt that would happen"

Me: "you've never had angry sex?"

Lip: "not really... I've had intense, apartment-shaking sex, but never really angry sex"

Me: " it's a BIG possibility. i say he splits her like a log... and i take it you agreed with my mr. fantastic analysis?"

Lip: "yeah...Mr. Fantastic would be crazy in bed with a woman"

This is the point where I let Shelly in on the whole thing.

Me: "I'm having a conversation so weird even I'm ashamed of it. A friend and I are discussing superhero sex. Ever since that "Mallrats" conversation, everyone's so wrapped up about Superman. Frankly, I think the Hulk would be a LOT worse. He'd hulk out and split Betty wide open."

Shelly: "Wow...that's an image that's gonna haunt me for at least the next few minutes..."

Me: "LOL...glad to be of service"

Shelly: "Dude, totally Wolverine..."

Me: "Wolverine? Nah..underneath, he's really a lover.."

Back to Lip, Me: "Shelly's weighing in now. she thinks wolverine would be a terror in bed.. i told her i think he's a lover underneath"

Lip: "Nah, he'd be all into S&M and shit...I mean...claws? regeneration? give me a break"

Me: "he's a lover"

Lip: "bah, bs"

Me: "a taiwanese whore, he'd tear up. jean grey? it'd be sweet, sweet lovemaking"

Lip: "Nah...that would be one of those 3 hours sex sessions"

Me: "she'd be all in his head... that'd be a meta-orgasm... he'd probably have a stroke if not for the healing factor"

Lip: "and with his regeneration....he could go on FOREVER"

Is it just me, or did that come across as a REALLY weird segment of "Loveline"? Lip was totally Dr. Drew-ing all my ideas. The weirder it got, he somehow remained the scientific voice of reason...I'm a bigger dork than i ever realized. And I love that I have friends just as sick and twisted! I know this is gonna be the basis for a subpeona or something one day...

Posted by William @ 8/30/2004 11:57:24 PM
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