The Big White Elephant

So, who here's a fan of dangling plotlines? You see, I used to be, as long as they contributed to the plot of the overall story. Every now and then, certain aspects are forgotten about, causing the overall story to suffer. I fear that's what has happened on this site. To what am I referring? "The Natalie Saga"

You see, I never quite capped that story off like I should have. I just sort of swept it under the rug, and I didn't think about how that must look, in the grand scheme of things. I said a LOT of things on this site during the summer months that, while they made for good reading, weren't necessarily accurate.

All of the stories happened, but the emotional component was amped up a bit. You see, my webmistress and I were having this argument over whether or not I should let people into my life by posting more personal accounts. Now, even though I have a blog, I'm actually a very private person. I don't like random strangers knowing my feelings and everything. I have a policy that I don't like anyone to know more about me than i know about them. I've read your blogs, and i don't know much about most of you. Hence, why I'm so tight-lipped except when it comes to pop culture and the like.

So, what happened with Natalie? Let's clear the air. Anybody out there seen "Lost in Translation"? And what was the take-home message of that movie? They knew their whole Japan experience was an isolated event. What happened in Japan stayed in Japan. They'd probably never see or speak to one another again, but their experience would be with them for the rest of their lives.

In Natalie, I found a friend. A very good friend. But that was, for the most part, it. If you wanna get technical, we could even call her my hag. Or I was her beard. It was very twisted, but it was not the mega-Chasing Amy ordeal as it was written. You see, I know what constitutes a good read. A little longing here, and little drama there. You all ate it up. Hell, I didn't write anything that entertaining until the Marion Barry Karaoke Adventure. But when everything was said and done, she was my friend. It was never quite a romantic thing.

In Natalie, I found someone that "got me". All of my friends tried to tell me, "It's not such a big deal for someone to 'get you'." But it totally is. For most of my life, I felt like I was tolerated, but never understood. Natalie had been through the same thing. We were building an army of other misunderstood weirdos. We were gonna be quite the clique.

But my problem is that I've always been pigeon-holed in my friendships with girls. I'm always the "girlfriend" or confidante because I'm a nice, nonthreatening guy. Seeing as how we understood each other, I guess we saw too much of a good thing, and we kind of experiemented on each other. Her quest was to see if she could still be interested in a guy, while mine was to see if it was possible to be in a relationship with a woman who met my "weird criteria". In all essence, it failed. We were both, unsuccessfully, trying to forge something that totally wasn't there. "It" was missing.

And it couldn't have been too romantic seeing as how I spent our time talking to her about other girls. I used to go on and on about Shelly, but it's not like I thought anything could happen 'cause she was my manager. At the same time, Natalie used to bend my ear about the latest Apex chick who said she was cute or asked for her number. On the surface, it might've looked all cutesy, but it was really kinda gay; we just gabbed to each other about our crushes.

Yeah, I have all the entries about "I am in love with this girl....i love this girl..yadda...yadda.." It was true as far as I do love her, just as you love any friend to whom you're close. i love Tarek. Hell, I love Tarek like a brother. And that's where this gets weird because I love Natalie like a sister. That's where everything pretty much ended up. She was like my weird little sister who had gotten all the weird genes from the same weird pool that I did. We clicked on a lot of cylinders, but romance just wasn't in the cards, nor should it have been.

Why am I addressing this now? Well, I've discovered the power of the internet and the fact that nothing really dies online. I go through my archives every now and then, and I look particularly hard at the personal entries. I hate myself for having shared because I know that they'll be misconstrued. So, I end up sharing through veils. Let you all laugh with me rather than at me. So, while I was dealing with all of this and sorting it out, it came across as "Watch Silly Willie Chase The Lesbian". And it was sad and humorous at the same time, but it was totally self-deprecating humor that ended up just bastardizing the situation even more.

I'm also addressing this because I don't want it to hurt anyone in my life. I don't want it to hurt Natalie, for I probably shared way more about her life than she ever would've signed off on. I don't want to hurt Shelly, who sees these things in the archives and wonders what happened there. I don't want to hurt you all, who never truly got the whole story. Hell, most of you probably don't care. But if there's one thing I've always hated about comics, it's been dangling plotlines. The least I can do is eliminate them from my own stories.

For the record, I have found that i can be in a relationship with a woman who meets my "weird criteria." And it is crazy perfect! I totally won. It's a wonderful feeling to be accepted, understood, loved, and in love, all at once. THIS is what it's all about. I'd go into more detail, but i don't know y'all like that ;-)

Posted by William @ 2/09/2005 11:44:26 PM
permalink | 2 comments

 

2 Comments:

• At 2/10/2005 06:53:12 AM, Anonymous said…

  I love you too big guy *winks*

   

• At 2/14/2005 05:04:57 PM, Anonymous said…

  Awwww...poor will so glad you found another weirdo :-)....all that h&m drama..too bad i was there the whole time an never even knew u guys hung out so much ;-)

   

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