"Zorak, it is OK if you are afraid of me. Most sissies are!"

BOSTON!!!

So, a few weeks ago, my lovely girlfriend and I embarked upon a journey to America's chowdah capital. Yes, folks, we're talking BOSTON, MASS! For the uninformed, this trip was actually Shel's Christmas present to me, and it was certainly the best present I've received in quite some time.

Our adventure began on the morning of February 24th, as we prayed the airports would stay open long enough for us to leave this God-forsaken town. There was more snow blowing around than on a model's bathroom counter! But we hoped that the planes would stay aloft just to spirit us to our long-awaited, and well-needed vacation.

The fun began once we got to the gate. Shel went off to find lunch for us, while I was accosted by "Would ya like to take a survey?" (Am I the only one who remembers that Animaniacs skit?)

So, this survey lady was asking us all sorts of questions about the airport, such as, "How did you find the parking choices at the terminal?" or "How do you feel about the concession choices?" Shel and I jumped in, answering each other's questions, and we just kind of fell into that same groove we had that very first night we hung out (remind me to post that later; "The Origin of Alouise"). As if I needed a reason, it just reminded me why and just how much I love that girl. It set the tone for the trip, and I knew it was going to be a great time.

Once we got on the plane, or as I liked to call it, "The Flying Dildo" (Dude, the thing was small!), Shelly already knew she disliked the flight attendant. The chick definitely had a bitch streak, but I kinda thought she'd be a welcome addition to the H&M family. It was clear she didn't want to be there, and that's eaxctly what we look for in our workers. But I digress...flight attendant chick was kinda curt, and she could've been a little nicer. Either way, we made it to Boston, and received the longest cab tour possible. Way to pad the fare, my man! Imagine our surprise when we pulled up to the fabulous and magnificent Omni Parker House.

This hotel was like a palace! It was beeyootyfull! And my typing "beautiful" like that is exactly the reason we had NO BUSINESS staying there. The staff looked at us like, "What do you all think you're doing here?" But the joke was on them, for we had reservations. Check-in was smooth, except they conveniently forgot to give us the key to the minbar. A problem we'll soon rectify.

So, we get up to the room, and it's a cute little number. We totally crash and end up watching daytime TV for the rest of the afternoon. At this point, there were all the Special Reports about the Pope going back into the hospital. For a tracheotomy. I look over and ask, "Wouldn't it suck for the Pope to die from a tracheotomy." Shel looked me right in the eye and said, "Yeah, it'd be so much cooler if he died in a bar fight." And for some reason, that was the funniest thing ever. I couldn't stop laughing. She couldn't understand why, but I had painted the entire Pope in bar fight scenario in my head. Nothing you couldn't see on an average episode of Family Guy, but it was funny to me. Dude, imagine it! All, blasphemy aside. You know you'd shit a brick if you heard the Pope was killed in a bar fight! So many unanswered questions...

Anyway, we got started on the room service, a practice that would become quite common and welcome over the weekend. The dude brought the food, and I didn't know a damn thing he was saying. What kind of weird patois do they teacj you Bostonians? It was like speaking to a drunk Kennedy (was that redundant?). Either way, it's like a fast, New Yawky slur, topped off with random tidbits regarding the Sox. I was gonna need a Stiglitz guide to understand these folks!

Later that evening, we navigated the T system and found our way to Malden to have dinner with Big T and his sweet lady, Dawn. Tarek met us at the station, and we went grocery shopping with him. Apparently, he was going all Iron Chef that night, and preparing some sort of Mega Feast. When we'd finished shopping, we got to meet Dawn, who was even nicer than she'd come off electronically (after all, all my prior dealings with her had been over the phone or internet). But she's a great girl and she kicks the ass of any of other Tarek Girl. We went back to their place, and had a HOT swinging session! I keed, I keed! No, they both prepared a lovely feast for Shelly and me, as we educated ourselves on the finer points of Tivo. We also got to meet their pet, who for the moment I'll refer to as, "The Turtle Formerly Known as Otto Von Bismarck" (For more details, visit http://www.livejournal.com/users/palaedorian )

Tarek should be a chef! If you'd seen the presentation of this meal! Chicken fried rice, served inside a pineapple! Dumplings! Satay Gai! Chicken & pasta! Mint Ice Cream log! IT was all so de-lish! After dinner and the tour, we were off to visit Alisa, Shelly's friend from high school. Well, the journey wasn't that smooth. We kinda got lost on the T system. That bitch is confusing! I think it'd be easier to dig a hole to China than try navigating Boston on the subway. (Jenn's gonna respond to this post, and all she's gonna do is talk about that very line right there-bet you $20!) We found our way to the surface, but the surface dwellers were of no help. We were in the theatre district, and the patrons did not seem to see us.

Wow, dramatic much? Nah, we tried navigating ourselves, but it was snowing and we were turned around. Distressed turned to miserable as Shelly shoes turned into sno-cone makers. You see, she bought these really cute sneakers for the trip, but the catch was that they were fake-me-out sneakers: they were mules (for you boys, that means they were backless). And what do we know about snow, kids? It'll sneak into any available opening. Kinda like Charlie Sheen. So, as we're walking, the snow is just filling her shoe. Plus, we're walking in the wrong direction. And we realize this once we're about 6 blocks out of our way. But we call Alisa and eventually find her a few minutes later.

What to say about Alisa? a very cool girl. I'd met her a few months ago in Shel's burg (that's a very exclusive part of MD :-P ) and she was the bee's knees. Hilarious girl! I can definitely see why she and Shelly are friends and I was definitely looking forward to seeing her on this trip. We ended up going to this cool margarita place where the ladies got to catch up and I sang along to Keane playing on the radio in the background. Afterwards, we made our way back to our palatial estate and retired for the night.

END OF DAY ONE

Friday, Shelly woke up early and decided to walk around outside to "get a lay of the land". I, on the other hand, wanted sleep. I slept for much of the day, and when i woke up, I was really into daytime TV. "But you're in Boston!" I'm sure that's what you're all saying, but as you've read, I NEEDED rest and relaxation. Boston would be there when I was rested. I wasn't worried. Shelly came back and joined me in the daytime TV/room service day of glory. T called throughout the day trying to make plans, but I just had to reason with him and explain that I needed a day off. Part of the trip's mission was to hang out with Dawn and t, but I wasn't going to be any fun without sleep, and I'd only clocked about 4 hrs a night in the days leading up to the trip. Anyway, lost of fun can be had in a hotel room (Get your minds out of the gutter! Or leave 'em there. I don't care!) I didn't leave the room until 10:30 Friday night. Yup, it was a very good day.

We left to find Alisa as she picked up Erin, another friend from high school. Once again, another cool Shelly chick. Apparently, her train was late because a homeles guy wa sleeping on the tracks. Instead of making him move on, they invited him onto the train. And who did he sit near? Hilarity ensued! But she was a good sport about it. Regardless, everyone was ready to drink at that point. We got a cab to the BU Club (I think that's it. So much alcohol that weekend...). Anyway, it was a very Ivy-like exclusive club for BU students located in of the dorms. For you Cornell kids, it's like having a bar in Baker (the gothics). I liked the atmosphere. Made me kinda miss Cornell. Plus, I was the only Black guy. Bling bling! Anyway, it was a happenin' scene and the beer was cheep. What more could one ask for? We met some of Alisa's college friends, and good times were had by all. At the end of the night, Alisa and Erin headed off, and we retired to our hotel.

END OF DAY TWO

So, Saturday was a split-up day: Shelly was gonna have a Girls Day, while I was gonna hang out with T. Orignally, I wanted to record. It's been awhile, and I wanted to throw together a new song to put up on the site. But when I woke up, i wasn't really feelin' the singing. Instead, I wanted Tarek to show me "his Boston". My main sights to see were Cheers and the Harbor. other than that, anything was fair game. Before meeting up, though, I wanted to check out the neighborhood, as well. For starters, our hotel was next to one of the biggest Borders Books that I have ever seen. But I knew better than to explore that without Shelly. So, my mission was used CDs. You see, Boston's got a lot of colleges. Which means lots of college kids. Which translates into big exchange scene for music. I figured I could find some premium used swag if I knew where to look. So, I hit Strwaberries and bunch of other places, totally cleaning out Boston's Elton John inventory. i'm sure they're thanking me, and I can't exactly explain this recent Elton kick. The man is awesome, though! A fucking loon, but awesome! But I digress...

After going in the wrong direction, i finally meet up with Tarek and Dawn. We decided to head to lunch in the North End, where there are more Italian restaurants than day laborers at Home Depot. On the way, we stopped by Newbury Comics. Let me tell ya, Newbury Comics is well-known chain in the Northeast that specializes in music and comics. Did y'all hear me correctly? Music and Comics. I'm gonna need a towel....

After Newbury, we looked all over the North End for a good, cheap lunch. We were in that nexus where restaurants were just finishing lunch and preparing for dinner, so the race was on. We found a nice little place. Kinda cliche. The sort of place you see in movies, where everyone who works there's related and they're yelling to each other at different ends of the restautant. Stereotypes be damned, the place was authentic. And I felt like such a fat kid 'cause I ordered a small pizza, but they told me they had a new kid working and the guy had accidentally used the large pans. So, I got a large but was charged for a small. Man, that was a LOT of pizza.

It turned out that Shelly's Angels were in the area, so we met up with them and got some drinks. Turns out Shelly and I'd bought each other gifts; I got her the Nelly library (don't ask) and she got me the cutest little rubber ducky with my name on him. Anyway, we all decided that we'd go for karaoke that night, along with some of Alisa's friends. I was excited 'cause it was KARAOKE!!! But T and Dawn weren't so sure. They're early birds. Didn';t want to mess up their sleep cycles. I gotta respect that. I kinda wish I had a sleep routine. But in a way, they're like an old married couple. Yup, OLD MARRIED COUPLE!!! I'm gonna get a response for that! Anyway, I also thought it would be a great time to see Austin, an old buddy from Cornell, so i called him and invited him to the night's festivities. Dawn and T decided they were in for karaoke, too. Shelly and the girls broke off, while the law offices of West, Sultani and Hersey checked out H&M and Filene's. "You went to H&M on your vacation?" Yeah, I did. I had to check it out. See if they were meeting their standards. And they weren't. I almost cussed out the bitch responsible for the Men's dept. 'cause she was SO scared I was gonna mess up the rack! Amateurs... I headed back to the hotel, while T&D Productions headed back to Malden to get ready.

I caught up with Austin, and he was going to meet us at the bar. But When Tarek and Dawn found out how late we were planning on going, they bailed. Understandable, but they missed a good time. We ended up at this little redneck bar, but they took their karaoke seriously. Now, I love me some karaoke, but I'm a crooner. I don't do "fast songs". I do "make ya panties wet" songs. Yeah, I said it. Interesting fact: James uses me on his sex CD. Not quite sure how I feel about that...who am I kidding, i fucking LOVE that! So, imagine my chagrin when the ladies told me no slow songs. Apparently, they frowned on that at this particular bar. In the meantime, enter Austin.

Let me tell ya, Austin is one of my favorite people from Cornell. It's funny, too, 'cause we didn't start talking until around late junior yr, but he's definitely one of the rare people who fall into the "I get Will and where he comes from" category. That's a rare breed. In the past 2 yrs, our only contatc had been online, but I knew I HAD to see him before leaving Boston. So, he walked into the bar, and pulled up a chair. And so began the drinking. He hadn't heard me sing in awhile, and i was feeling a bit apprehensive, so he felt I needed some "lubrication". He introduced me to Jagermeister. Now, understand if I was a bit apprehensive; no one I know has a good Jager story. they're always like, "Dude, I had some Jager, and then next thing I knew, I'd killed a guy. Damn, was I sick the next day!". But it didn't take much coddling for me to give in. I must say, that stuff was good. We kept pounding them and Jack & Cokes as we waited for my song. In the meantime, Alisa's friend did a mean rendition of Ice, Ice Baby. Eventually, my song came up: "Ain't Too Proud To Beg", by the Temptations. Now, I've never attempted that song before but, in my drunken state, I was convinced I'd be able to channel the spirit of David Ruffin. To be honest, I don't remember much of that performance. People cheered and stuff, but I equate karaoke to college a cappella: there's a certain audience that enjoys it, and if you've got the right group of people, you could shit in a bag and they'll still cheer for you. Regardless, it was fun and oddly therapeutic. Sadly, Shel's song didn't come up and I was DYING to watch her perform. She won't sing for me in any other setting :-( The place closed up before her song came on, and we were left with the "What to do now?" feeling. We talked Austin into hanging out longer, and while we tried getting him back to the Omni Parker, he invited us to his place. We felt bad 'cause we didn't wanna disturb his girlfriend, who was under the weather, but we went back anyway.

At the door, we met Tizer, the best dog in the world! He was awesome! So smart and frisky. Why is his name Tizer? Well, it's actually short for "Appetizer", a jab at the totally un-PC notion that Asian people eat their dogs. I thought that was a hilarious way to buck those kinds of stereotypes. Anyway, Shelly fell in love with Tizer, while Austin and I got all philosophical about our Cornell experience. I felt bad leaving Shel out of the conversation, but Austin and I had similar Cornell exepriences, and it was so great to finally have someone to just vent to and get a lot of stuff off of my chest. And did we mention how awesome Tizer was? I wanna dog...So, around 4 Am, we bid Austin adieu and got a cab back to the hotel. It was a GREAT evening, and it kinda makes me wish Austin lived closer...

END OF DAY THREE

On Sunday, we slept in and eventually got up and went to lunch. We found ourselves back in the North End, at a different Italian place. The food was INCREDIBLE. I'm not a person who's used to "good" food in establishments. I can pretty much eat anything, but I rarely walk away thinking, "That was an incredible meal." It usually borders on, "Man, I'm so full of shit right now!" Anyway, I find myself waking up, logning for that food lately. And I can't even remember the name of the restaurant. Maybe it wasn't really there...

Anyway, we finally hit that Borders and we checked out H&M. Shel was just as disappointed as I was, but we knew we'd gone too far when we started questioning their floor layout, etc. Y'all just can't understand H&M until you feel it slowly entering your ass. After that, all bets are off. you're an official bitch of Sweden. I wonder if Ikea employees experience anything like this....Once we broke off from our oppressor, we headed to Malden for sushi with Tarek and Dawn. I lost my sushinity and liked what I tried. Spider rolls are the bomb, and i find myself craving them like it's my job! Philadelphia rolls, on the other hand, kinda suck. Can't deal with that cream cheese in there. SUCH a weird consistency! Anyway, we went back to their place and watched the Oscars while consuming chocolate cake and Andre. What is Andre? Only the BEST cheap champagne this side of a 7/11! Check it out today! Soon, we were taken back to the T, and said our goodbyes to Tarek and Dawn. We didn't spend as much time with them as we could have, but I enjoyed what time we did spend together. On the ride back to the hotel, Shel and I had one final laugh about the billboard up on the train for 1-800-SAFE-BABY (I know that's too many characters, so I'm sure I got something wrong there), Anyway, we'd seen these ads since our first day in town, and they were always funny in a sick kind of way. Apparently, Boston has a sizaeble newborn abandonment problem. So, if you have an unwanted baby and you're thinking of dumping it somewhere, you call this hotline, and they'll tell you where you can take your baby and avoid prosecution. A good service, no doubt, but it kinda makes ya wonder how big the problem is when there are ads for it EVERYWHERE!! It was sort of our inside joke for the weekend, and I wish I'd stolen one fo the ads from a train...We got back to the hotel, and fell asleep to a "Dog the Bounty Hunter" marathon. Y'all see that show? Hi-larious!

END OF DAY FOUR

Monday morning, we woke up to some Dawson's Creek and one final round of room service. Out of nowhere, Shel starts singing the hook to "Make 'em say UHH!". And we couldn't get it out of our heads for the rest of the day. We were REALLY sad to have to leave Boston. Not only had it been an amazing trip, but we had no desire to get back here. As you've read, it all hit the fan when we got back. Anyway, we packed and said goodbye to the lovely Omni Parker House. Man, that's gonna be SOME minibar bill...

Before leaving, however, we hit the hotel gift shop. Shel picked up this adorable pink fleece that kinda makes her look like Kirby; she's so damn cute in it! And I got stuff for the family so they wouldn't feel forgotten (someone remind me to actually give them their souvenirs - I'm looking at them on my floor right now).

We got to the airport and had a few pre-flight beers to gear up for the return home. So much stress, so many unanswered life questions were waiting back in MD, and we wanted to savor the vacation as long as we could. We boarded our flight at the last possible second 'cause the shuttle was late. And, somehow, the flight attendant took an immediate liking to me. I guess that's whati get for reading a comic/toy magazine in public. All of a sudden, there was an incessant stream of fanboy questions, such as "Which comic movie would you like to see that hasn't been made yet?" Don't get me wrong; these are my people, but you've gotta deal with them in doses. It's a different story when you're a couple thousand miles in the air, with no means of escape, PLUS this person is responsible for your comfort. Better put on a smile. Especially if you want a crack at the liquor cart. He was a nice guy, and I could totally go on for hours about comics stuff, but I had to harness it in front of my girl. She accepts me for who I am, but there are only so many, "In issue # 129 of Amazing Spider-Man..." references that she can take. She still jokes about my "boyfriend, the flight attendant."

When we got back to BWI, we couldn't seem to get her windshield wipers to work. And it's snowing. And I think I broke it by trying to manually work them. They were frozen. After a LONG warm-up, they started working according to their own schedule, but the one I had mangled acted as if it was trying to escape the car; it was wiping off to the side. It was delicate drive home...

When we got back to her apt, we chilled and watched some Sex and the City as we dined on Papa Johns. I got home around 1 AM, and that's when I saw it:

FLASHBACK: While I was in Boston, it was the weekend of the Montgomery County Auto Auction. I couldn't go, but Mommy was really excited about it. Her mission was to get me a car, She'd always promised, "If you get your license, I'll buy you a little car." So, after my cousins had had success at the auction, she decided that she was take that route as well. So, the mission was simple. My only specification? "Don't buy me anything ugly." So, all day Saturday, I was tense 'cause I was supposed to be a good guest for Tarek, but i was also wondering whether or not I had a car. So, around 7, I called Mommy and asked how the auction had gone. She sounded kinda distraught, and i was getting worried. She started with some story about a nice Lexus she'd seen and bid on, but how it was snapped up for about $15K. And then she trailed off. I got kinda testy and asked if she'd bid on any other car. She wasn't cooperating, which just got me more stressed. Finally, she said, "I got you a car."
END OF FLASHBACK

There it was in my driveway, lightly dusted with snow. Yup, she got me a 1993 Anniversary Edition Honda Accord, or as I like to call him: the West-1. We've still got some work to do, such as buy a new battery and a tire, so the West-1 will be in drydock for a few more weeks, but stay tuned for the unveiling.

And that, folks, is the tale of a little trip to Boston. I'd like to thank Tarek, Dawn, Alisa, Erin, Austin, and the staff of the Omni Parker House. I'd also like to thank the person who made this possible: my Baby. I love you :-)


(not actual car)

Posted by William @ 3/17/2005 11:09:00 PM
permalink | 2 comments

 

2 Comments:

• At 3/22/2005 02:56:59 PM, Anonymous said…

  I have only one thing to say.
  
  I warned you that the place we went to wouldn't be as good as other places in the North End. The reason proves my point time and time again. If it says Chicken Parm on the menu, it is not Italian food.

   

• At 3/27/2005 10:51:04 PM, Karlos said…

  "Do you like bean-eating movies with George Wendt?" I love the Animaniacs; Wakko is my freaking hero.
  
  I'm writing to you now from Malden. I'm sure your hotel was great, but give me "Casa Sultani" any day; I've been treated to the royal home-cooked food and Tivo treatment, with free guided tours of Boston. Tarek and I have been playing some old E7 songs and getting his computer fixed up for recording.
  
  Congratulations on the car! As an owner of a mid-sized Japanese-made sedan (as is Tarek), I think you'll be happy with it. Mine's taken me well over 1,000 miles in the last couple of weeks without any complaints.
  
  Looking forward to seeing you in D.C. somewhere around April 22nd - let me know what your schedule looks like that week.

   

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