"Happy Halloween, Judeo-Christians!"

Yeah, so it's been awhile. And I don't exactly have time for an update. But there is something I noticed the other day that I need to get off my chest.

So, I was in McDonald's, and I was looking at the placemat. It was the one for kids, so there were all kinds of games and whatnot. The first game involved matching. There were three McDonaldland characters and you were to match them to their fave McD's food item. Here were the choices:

1) Grimace
2) The Fry Guys
3) Hamburglar

And for the food:
a) a milkshake
b) hamburger
c) large fries

Now, let's get one match out of the way. We all know what the Hamburglar wants. I mean, it's in his name for frak's sake. But, for the life of me, I could NOT figure out the others.

Now, I consider myself to be a McDonaldland connouissuer. I mean, I know all of the campaigns. I was there for "What you want is what you get". I did my time in the trenches of "Hey, it could happen." I was even present for the "Good times, great taste, that's why this is our place" era. But the other matches aren't as obvious as one might think.

For the sake of all that is good, one would think that Grimace liked the fries and The Fry Guys liked the shakes. I mean, come on. Otherwise, it's cannibalism. Do the Fry Guys really like eating each other? I mean, I wouldn't put it past them. I HAVE seen Birdie eat chicken, and it's like she doesn't even realize what she's doing is severely messed up.

Now, Grimace MIGHT like the shakes, but I can't bear the thought of the Fry Guys eating their kin. I mean, they were always pretty creepy, and that's why you don't see them much anymore. In fact, I had thought they were phased out of promotions, along with Mayor Mc Cheese and Big Mac cop. I mean, Mayor Mc Cheese, if he hasn't been challenged, has got to be the longest tenured public official this side of Ted Kennedy. And Big Mac cop should really be demoted, seeing as how he has yet to stop the menace of the Hamburglar. But I digress...

If you've been to the side regularly, you'll know that this is far from my first McDonaldland post, but there are questions that simply need to be answered. And I will not rest until Ronald and the residents of McDonaldland provide me with some sounds answers.

UPDATE: Here's what the McDonalds website has to say about Grimace:
Grimace is a big, loving, fuzzy purple fellow who is Ronald McDonald's best friend. He's sure Ronald is the world's ultimate authority on everything. While Grimace loves all McDonald's foods, he's absolutely crazy about milkshakes. Grimace is very enthusiastic and eager to try new things. His joyous spirit helps everyone overlook the fact he's a little slow and clumsy sometimes.

So he DOES like the shakes. Which means...Oh, God....oh no...it's TRUE about the Fries. What are we teaching our children? What about the frakkin' children?!!!

Posted by William @ 10/31/2006 07:03:00 PM
permalink | 2 comments

 

2 Comments:

• At 11/01/2006 09:18:12 AM, Sheldiz said…

  i have two favorite mcdonald's campaigns:
  
  1) Food, Folks and Fun.
  
  2) When they gave you the free record w/ purchase, and if it played the song all the way through, you won something.
  
  
  But back to food-cannibalism. I feel the same way about the dancing food and drinks at regal cinemas before the show. The dancing drinks are always carrying sodas. WTF.

   

• At 11/05/2006 12:36:23 AM, Kathi Edwards said…

  I kind of liked the "Two all beef patties, special sauce, lettuce, cheese, pickles, onions on a sesame seed bun" jingle, especially when it made it into Doonesbury, but maybe that was before your time. (It was the first intelligible speech uttered by the adopted Viet Namese orphan.) But really I always preferred "Have it your way at Burger King.

   

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