Had a surprise dinner tonight with Ellan & Alex @ Cheesecake Factory. I realized that, due to it's VERY dim lighting, that place must be AWESOME for a first date. No one could possibly look bad in there. If you're unattractive in the friggin Cheesecake Factory, they should've shot you as a baby, after you'd uttered your first "moo". Man, that was harsh even for me...Anyway, I wonder how many people think they've found a hottie, and then change their mind after date #2, in a well-lit environment...

Posted by William @ 6/30/2004 02:38:50 AM
permalink | 0 comments

 

Tonight, on a whim, I signed up for Classmates.com. A few weeks ago, Lori told me everybody from Newport was on there, and she wasn't kidding! Anyway, I'm now a member of Friendster, The Face Book, and Classmates. Man, I'm practically BEGGING to be stalked...

Posted by William @ 6/30/2004 02:36:31 AM
permalink | 0 comments

 

In honor of Spidey 2, go here: http://www.newcomicreviews.com/temp/spidey/
Somebody took old newspaper Spidey strips and gave them new dialogue. It's kinda offensive at times, but hey, what isn't? And it's funny in a sick and twisted way!

Posted by William @ 6/29/2004 02:00:29 AM
permalink | 0 comments

 

OK, I've got a conspiracy theory. Bear with me here: American Idol Finalist Kimberly Locke's single is called "8th World Wonder". Ok, the other day, I'm listening to JAY-Z Unplugged, and he refers to himself as "The 8th World Wonder". So, does this mean Jigga's cheatin on Beyonce with Kim Locke? Is her song a coded confession, kinda like Usher's, but with tact? Hey, I'd take Kim over Beyonce! Don't ask why...

Posted by William @ 6/29/2004 01:52:45 AM
permalink | 0 comments

 

Am I the only one who noticed that The Wayans Bros, in "White Chicks", look just like Tori Spelling?!!

Posted by William @ 6/29/2004 01:49:53 AM
permalink | 0 comments

 

It's interesting how are dreams aren't as sweet once we achieve them. The other day, I started thinking back to the "glory days" of Cornell, mainly a cappella. I thought about my idol, Chris Shepard.

Chris sang with the Binghamton Crosbies, and he was my vocal role model. He had a great voice, but women thought he was ONE HOT NEGRO!!! There aren't many Black guys in a cappella. The quota's about 1 per group, IF that, so he was a big deal to me. When he sang, there needed to be complimentary towels for all the women in the house 'cause there was more cream filling than a Twinkie abounding (graphic, yes, but also accurate). His signature song was "I'd Die Without You", by PM Dawn.

Ask anyone in LC, I wanted to be Chris Shepard. I wanted his voice, his rep, everything. I also figured his girlfriend must've been really hot. Well, one after party, I met her, and well, she was actually pretty frumpy. Infact, I was a little disappointed. But hey, you can't choose who ya love, right? I guess I was being shallow. Still, I'm sure he had to deal with a lot of "Why is he with her?" going on behind his back.

He was hot, could sing, and had a girl. He had it all, right? Well, I started thinking back to my latter days, and how it never quite dawned on me that I had, in effect, become Chris, without even realizing it. And it wasn't as sweet. And I think I know what he went through. By no means, am I saying I was HOT and AMAZING (I don't think like that), but I DO feel I can say I know how he probably felt, and it wasn't such a superstar wonderland as I had thought it would be. Really wish I'd exploited it more...

Posted by William @ 6/29/2004 01:33:12 AM
permalink | 0 comments

 

So, I got a promotion the other day. Nothing too special. I'm now a "Salesfloor Responsible". Basically, that means I can make returns. Nope, I couldn't do that before. Soon, they might let me operate the deep fryer...Wait a minute, we don't have a deep fryer. Still feels like we do.

Anyway, I've come to realize that anyone interested in viewing my life should watch the anime series 'Goldenboy". To sum it up, it's about Kintaro Oe, this ditz who always works McJobs, and ends up getting in weird, humorous yet unprofessional situations with women. Even though he seems like a klutz, he always ends up saving the day, and having the women fall for him. At that point, he leaves town, and does the same thing over again in a new place. The catch is that Kintaro is NOT a ditz. In fact, it turns out he was a law student, who was just one credit shy of graduating. Instead, he kinda had a breakdown, and decided to go out and see the world, to find himself.

Posted by William @ 6/29/2004 01:27:27 AM
permalink | 0 comments

 

So, yesterday, I'm on the bus, and the cutest little kids got on with their babysitter. There was a little Black boy, a little White girl, and a little Hispanic boy. And I thought to myself, "Wow, they're just like the Ghostwriter team!"

I'll bet THAT reference goes over a LOT of heads...

Posted by William @ 6/27/2004 01:58:47 AM
permalink | 0 comments

 

Happy Father's Day, or as it's more commonly known in the Black Community: "Sunday"...

Posted by William @ 6/20/2004 07:55:20 PM
permalink | 0 comments

 

OK White ladies, this whole fake tanning thing has GOT to stop! A tan is supposed to make it appear that you've been in the sun, and it's UV rays were nice enough to elegantly tint you with it's solar goodness. But NO! You bitches go to these salons to have the shit put on you. It don't look right! It doesn't look like you've sunned. It doesn't look like a tan. You look like George Hamilton. I'm tired of seeing all these Black jappy girls! I know you're not Black, but I'd love to see what the cops do if they catch you speeding...You'll learn what it's like to be a nigga for a day. Anyway, go back in the sun and risk cancer. Hey, I don't think it's worth it, but it's just another way for y'all to get what we already have. In the words of Paul Mooney, "Everybody wants to be a NIGGA; nobody wants to BE a nigga." Thank you, Jesus, for my natural tan.

Man, if James doesn't come back online soon, I'm gonna be in full Sharpton mode...

Posted by William @ 6/18/2004 10:06:48 PM
permalink | 0 comments

 

Random Things That Have Been On My Mind Today:

-So, it seems that ALL of Next Call are engaged! Seeing as how they're only about 3 and 4 years older than me, it's kind scary. Don't get me wrong; I'm happy for the guys, but it's like some weird longitudinal study coming to a head. I swear, like 8 of 'em got engaged in the past 2 months. Is there some race I don't know about? Is this one of those Callboy traditions y'all forgot to tell us at the Chariot? Someone explain this to me!

-What exactly is Bruce Springsteen "The Boss" of?!!

-Why are lemon and lime always bunched together? What bastard did this to them? Now, it seems that they're inexplicably linked, with no lives of their own. What if lime wants to go solo? Did anyone ever think of that?

-Why is it called "Planned Parenthood"? I've yet to hear of anyone going there because of a "planned" event. But I guess, "Shit, it broke!" or, "Damn, I ain't even got my GED" wouldn't look as professional on a sign...

-Girls, do NOT go shopping with your friends. I don't care how long you've known them, or how much you've been through. Bottom line: your friends are bitches. They may act like they like you, but they only like you a little less than they like themselves. You'll never be equal. Case in point. When shopping, so many girls'll tell their friends: "You look GREAT in that! It's SOOO Cute." No, it's not. She just wants to look better than you, and she's ensuring that by exploiting your vulnerability. Most of the time, that dress just really accentuates your rolls or your "Christmas package". You know what I'm talking about. It's that region you hate most about yourself. And this dress doesn't hide that. But Jill won't tell you. Oh yeah, Jill's also been going down on your boyfriend. Who're you gonna look cute for now?!!

-Excelsior! to Marvel Enterprises! After a rough decade, y'all have finally gotten out of bankruptcy. With Spider-Man 2 coming in a few weeks, things can only get better. Yet, with all the shittier movies you're planning, like Man-Thing, Iron Man, and Elektra, I'm sure we'll be hearing another bankruptcy announcement in a few more months...

Posted by William @ 6/17/2004 03:20:38 AM
permalink | 0 comments

 

Had a GREAT evening with LC/DC! Levow, Mike, Bill, John, Lip and I met up at Thaiphoon in Du Pont Circle for dinner (for the record, don't go to Thaiphoon! Bland City). After dinner, I conned them into heading over to my stomping ground, Cafe Japone, for some Karaoke.

We did the whole ringer thing of "Wow, I think I might sing Drops of Jupiter...I've never sung that before!" Anyway, the place wasn't exactly packed, so we were basically singing to this woman and her husband.

Funny thing about Japone: Ran into Tanya from the other night; didn't recognize me....And I thought we had something special! *sniff* Well, it just goes to show you can't sustain anything meaningful with a girl you meet at a party or a bar...

Anyway, we must've sang every song on Vestosterone, and then some. Eventually I had to dip because I had to make the last train. Boy, it sure will be nice when I don't have to play Cinderella anymore...

Anydangway, it was a great night, and now that I know these guys are in town, hopefully it'll be the first of many.

Posted by William @ 6/15/2004 01:28:04 AM
permalink | 0 comments

 

So, I'm slowly becoming what I fear most: a fanboy. I always wondered what would happen if I withdrew from society and found my sheer enjoyment in life in the pages of comics. I knew it would be a sad, hollow, existence, but I also knew that many people lived this life. Well, I think I'm joining that crowd.

No, it's not that my life is THAT pathetic, but I do keep finding myself intrigued and inspired by things I've read in comic form lately. No, I'm not talking X-Men or Batman (Although I still love you, my Gotham Savior).

No, my comic of the moment is "True Story: Swear To God", by Tom Beland. TS:STG is a cute, romantic tale of how Tom, a cartoonist from CA, met "The One" during a fluke trip to Walt Disney World. Unfortunately, Lily, the love of his life, was a journalist who lived in Puerto Rico, meaning their long-distance relationship would take place over 15,000 miles. Tom personally illustrated the entire story of their courtship, much of it on the plane ride home from their initial meeting, and it's all presented here. You really get taken along for the rollercoaster ride, and you completely empathize with Tom.

It's nerve-racking when you're waiting for Lily to come to CA for Tom's brother's wedding. It's endearing the way Tom reveals exactly what's on his mind during their first magical night, fearing he may never see Lily again. It's hilarious as Tom sticks out like a sore thumb in PR.

I realize it's not a book for everyone, as I'm trying to get my mom into it, and she's just not feeling it. I swear, though, this story made me cry. It's not sad, nor happy, but it's beautiful. It's simply a beautiful tale.

I think it really affects me because I know it's based on a true story. A true story with a happy ending. Yup, Tom and Lily are married & living in Puerto Rico now. Although I never saw the movie, I think I know how Jennine felt whenever she watched "Life Is Beautiful"; The whole thing about how love can persist even through the hardest circumstances. By no means does Tom go through anything as harrowing as the Holocaust, but that whole "love pervading despite obstacles" angle really seems to apply here. Anyway, I HIGHLY RECOMMEND this to anyone. You don't even have to like comics, but it's a cute & heartwarming tale. And I certainly don't feel like such a curmudgeon anymore since reading it...

Posted by William @ 6/14/2004 03:00:40 AM
permalink | 0 comments

 

Someone needs to tell James that it's June and NOT May. His blog seems confused. Oh wait...I guess that means he's gotten lazt again. Well, if he were around, he'd probably want you to visit http://www.uppitynegro.com . The site sells t-shirts with ironic messages, such as "ungrateful negro" and "uppity negro". Each shirt has meaning, but the company's owner doesn't feel that the White world can grasp the emphasis of her message. In fact, she refuses to sell her wares to White customers until she's spoken with them, and understands that they have an understanding of the Black struggle.

Now, I'm not much for politics. Well, I'm not much for VOCAL politics. If you really know me, then you know my views, but I'm not gonna take up much blog space getting 'em out. I DO, however, feel this is an interesting company, plus I like the design of the merchandise. The shirts have been seen on Dave Chappelle, Spike Lee, and others. Click on over and check it out. I don't know, but something about this site feels very "James Lamb" to me. It's a shame I've gotta do his dirty work for him! WTF?!!

Posted by William @ 6/14/2004 02:53:59 AM
permalink | 0 comments

 

"You can't love someone until you learn to love yourself." Wow, that was kinda personal. And I'd told myself I wasn't gonna do that here...

Posted by William @ 6/13/2004 03:54:28 AM
permalink | 0 comments

 

"I realize this is Gay Christmas, and I'm the neighborhood Jew." -Me, at the PRIDE Parade in DC.

Posted by William @ 6/13/2004 03:52:38 AM
permalink | 0 comments

 

Thanks to Ed, Lip and Tanya, The Front Page is my new favorite bar in DC! Thanks for a great night, guys.

Posted by William @ 6/12/2004 05:29:38 AM
permalink | 0 comments

 

Yesterday, I met novelist Brad Meltzer. Wonderful guy! You'll never meet a nicer guy in comics. Did I say comics? Well, yeah. While Meltzer is currently on the New York Times Bestseller List for his work, such as "The Millionaires" and "The Zero Game", he's also been dabbling in comics for the past few years. His latest masterpiece is called "Identity Crisis".

"Identity Crisis" follows a murder mystery in the DC Universe (Superman, Batman, but no Spidey or Wolverine). While the ID of the vicitm isn't the focal point, the mystery IS. This storyline promises to shake up the world of comics for years to come. Now, they ALWAYS say this, and it's RARELY true, but I really believe that it'll be a great story, consequences or no.

So, I read the issue last night and was DYING to call James and tell him about it, but since he has a "No Spoiler" clause in our contract, I knew he'd jump through the phone and strangle me like I was a Cornell Republican or something. Anyway, I KNOW he's gonna hate who the victim is. PLUS, LEX LUTHOR'S FRIGGIN BATTLESUIT WAS IN THE BOX!!! THE PURPLE AND GREEN 'SUPER POWERS' SUIT!! HE'S ALIVE....Sorry James, guess you can just call me "Joe Sabia"...

Speaking of comics, if anyone has a nice little neighborhood comic shop, I implore you to try to find a copy of Bad Ideas #1. It's written by Jim Mahfood and a bunch of other guys, and basically they're making fun of all the dumb ideas people submit to them when they're at conventions. "Why don't you guys write an anime story? Why don't you write about a comic fan who meets a really hot girl and they both get powers?" These questions and others are answered here, in hilarious fashion. Also, the art's by Mahfood, who has an awesome underground graffiti style going on. To see more of his work, check out http://www.40ozcomics.com

Posted by William @ 6/10/2004 04:18:58 AM
permalink | 0 comments

 

Yeah, "The Gipper" is dead; Get over it! Truth be told, I was more distraught over Creed splitting up...

Posted by William @ 6/06/2004 01:42:56 AM
permalink | 0 comments

 

What a day, what a day...
Yes, Mr. Lohan, your daughter's hot. But that doesn't mean you can go around hitting people. It just ain't right.

And Creed's breaking up? But who'll sing for Jesus? Who will trumpet The Almighty's return across adult contemporary radio? What does this mean for the Rapture? Nickelback and P.O.D. are nowhere near ready to take over the mantle. The mind is puzzled, and the heart is concerned...

Posted by William @ 6/04/2004 08:38:25 PM
permalink | 0 comments

 

"Literature", Jenn? I've read better "literature" on the inside of Bazooka Joe wrappers!

Posted by William @ 6/04/2004 08:22:26 PM
permalink | 0 comments

 

If there was ever a risk of the Nerd population being in danger, tonight is the night. You see, the horn-rimmed elite will all be huddled together in one place: The opening of Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban.

Why do I criticize Potter fans so? Well, in case I haven't written about this before (it's been a year, so I'm starting to forget all my rant topics), I HATE HARRY POTTER. I think JK Rowling is a hack. I don't see anything original about this franchise. In fact, I feel all of her ideas are culled from the classic works of Roald Dahl ("Charlie and the Chocolate Factory", "Matilda", "James and the Giant Peach"). Dahl died a pauper, and a suspected child molester, while Rowling is wiping her butt with hundreds (which are in pounds, not dollars, so it's a lot more than you think it is!).

Wow, beans that taste like anything! Great job, JK. You ever had a gobstopper in your life?!! Plus, who cares if they taste like anything? "Oh no, this one tastes like grass!!" Real original, you British twit.

Harry's introduction to Hogwarts is a complete reinterpretation of Charlie's introduction to Willy Wonka's chocolate factory.

Wow, Harry's aunt and uncle treat him like shit. Boo, hoo, hoo! In "Matilda", her parents treated her like shit until...wait, she discovered she had magical powers. Sound familiar?

I also hate what the HP franchise stands for. Initially, it was commendable if only for the sole fact that it was getting children to read. The first batch were those NPR kids, whose hippy parents wouldn't let them watch TV, so it was a preferred form of entertainment. Next came the soccer moms, and the busy professionals reading on their commutes to work. Soon, HP Mania spread across the land. But why? Ok, they're decent reads, but why ain't I seeing a Hardy Boys movie in the works? Or the Boxcar Children? To me, that's the level HP is on.

I also hate that the franchise has sold out. As I said before, it inspired people to read. But to make movies, they're cutting out the middle man. Sure, the vast majority of people are gonna do the whole read/watch comparison. But many people are just gonna wait for the movies. Then, Mattel got the license to produce HP action figures. The HP brand gained momentum simply by appealing to the no TV, no action figure crowd. Now, all of a sudden, there are HP action figures! That's like opening the country club up so the ghetto kids can have a run of the place: Yeah, it might sound nice in theory, and be a pretty sweet tax write-off, but you're still gonna be picking up cans of grape soda for weeks to come. What I'm saying is that, yeah, you've got a franchise that now appeals to everyone, but does that cause the HP franchise to lose integrity? Also, why the Hell is it so popular? It's becoming the literary equivalent of Apple Jacks: You ask anyone why they love HP, and they simply reply, "We just do, that's all."

Well, I guess it's good to know that crack now comes in more forms than rock and powder 'cause I see this as the same thing. Y'all enjoy your addictions for now, but it's only a matter of time before Rowling kills Harry in the last book, leaving you jonesing for a fix, and finally realizing she's nothing but a children's John Grisham: she's feeding you shit you've shat before and you're too dumb to realize it.

And don't worry, Mr. Dahl. I'm still lauding your praises. I know you didn't touch those kids...

Posted by William @ 6/04/2004 03:03:45 AM
permalink | 0 comments

 

So, yesterday in the store, this stunning girl came in. Not supermodel stunning, but incredibly captivating. She had amazing skin, the "cliche lower back tattoo", low rise jeans, the works. But here's the stuff that really made an impact. She had a pierced navel, causing me to notice she also had all these little scars across her stomach.

Not C-Section scars or stretch marks or anything, but definitely scratches. In fact, she looked like she might've been one of Wolverine's victims or something. They had healed, but there were still all these errant claw scratches on her. She had beautiful eyes, although she rarely made eye contact. She walked up to the counter, and handed me a belt she wanted to buy. A surprisingly feminine belt, considering she seemed kinda badass. On the counter, as she was about to pay, she put down her backpack and her ....motorcycle helmet!! This chick was awesome.

As she walked away, my manager walked by her, and looking at me, said, "That's one hip chick! She looks kinda like...Lenny Kravitz". She walked out of the store with her Aviator glasses on, helmet in one hand, and backpack in the other. When she was gone, I knew I should've said something to her. Not like, "Wow, I should've gotten her number!" Anyone who knows me knows that's not how I think. I would've loved to have had a conversation with her because I KNOW she had a story to tell. With her style, her scars, and just the scenario, I think I may have met one of the most intriguing people to cross my path in some time. Plus, I REALLY wanna know where the scars came from.

Posted by William @ 6/03/2004 11:50:37 PM
permalink | 0 comments

 

My new favorite site is http://tv.yahooligans.com !
It's a site for FREE CARTOONS!!! It sucks on dial-up, but it's worth it for the "Super Mario Bros. Super Show" alone! I forgot how great that theme song was.

Another show on the site, with an AMAZING theme song is "Where on Earth is Carmen Sandiego". And I'm not talking about the gameshow. The cartoon, along with "G.I.Joe The Movie", has the distinction of containing an entire saga in the opening montage alone. The initial 30 seconds tell a story by themselves. But they might need to edit out the WTC in the background. Even Carmen's not THAT much of a bitch...

Speaking of Carmen, remember the Pre-Doom and Pre-Quake days, when the Carmen franchise was the biggest thing on the PC? I really miss those days. I caught that ho in the world before I caught her in the US. I mean, c'mon, I wouldn't even know Reykjavik existed if it hadn't been for that wench. Even so, the US ain't as easy to navigate as some might think. A two-bit crook could blend in mighty easily out there in Oklahoma or Minnesota, and that's usually where Justin Case and Carmen liked to hide. You'd get too close, and they'd fire a slingshot at you. A SLINGSHOT!! Can someone remind me why we were so scared of Carmen Sandiego?!!! A chick in a Fedora, and the world is shitting bricks. I guess that's a tesatament to the power of a strong, assertive woman.

Posted by William @ 6/03/2004 11:31:05 PM
permalink | 0 comments

 

So, I hear that everyone's after Google's gmail addresses. Apparently, they're the new "dot-com", but they're really hard to get, since it's still in Beta form. It's like "Charlie and the Chocolate Factory" or something, with secret invitations as the only way of getting an account. Well, guess what, bitches? Guess who has a gmail account? It's good to be king...*sigh*

Posted by William @ 6/03/2004 10:55:26 PM
permalink | 0 comments

 

Hi-larious! And something tells me I might have to use this excuse one day...
http://www.theonion.com/opinion/index.php?issue=4022

Posted by William @ 6/03/2004 10:53:32 PM
permalink | 0 comments