I know I vowed I was taking a break, but Hell, Cher's Farewell Tour has been going on for 3 yrs, so I think I can get away with this. Conversation with Lip, Special Guest Star: Shelly.

The conversation started with Lip and I discussing the blossoming romance between Batman & Wonder Woman on "Justice League Unlimited". Soon afterwards, it simply spun out of control...

Me: " still can't believe that chick is a virgin. it's just so wrong. someone should be tapping that, i don't care if she WAS made out of clay"

Lip: "yeah...Superman should be all up in that. She's the only woman who can handle the force of him blowing his load"

Me: "bah. nobody's ever gonna let that go...stupid "Mallrats"... yet no one ever talks about Spidey...he's got radioactive sperm. MJ can't handle that"

Lip: "I don't think his sperm is radioactive"

Me: "his blood is...or what about the Hulk? he'd rip betty banner apart upon orgasm... or Mr. Fantastic. he prolly let's loose like a runaway firehose...poor betty banner... poor invisible woman.... and poor MJ"

Lip: "the Hulk would only do that if he was the Hulk at the time... not if he was Bruce Banner"

Me: "but, psychologically, there's a thin line between pleasure and pain. i think, upon orgasm, he'd hulk out and rip her open"

Lip: "I don't think so...he only Hulks out when he gets angry... and, unless he's having some angry sex, I doubt that would happen"

Me: "you've never had angry sex?"

Lip: "not really... I've had intense, apartment-shaking sex, but never really angry sex"

Me: " it's a BIG possibility. i say he splits her like a log... and i take it you agreed with my mr. fantastic analysis?"

Lip: "yeah...Mr. Fantastic would be crazy in bed with a woman"

This is the point where I let Shelly in on the whole thing.

Me: "I'm having a conversation so weird even I'm ashamed of it. A friend and I are discussing superhero sex. Ever since that "Mallrats" conversation, everyone's so wrapped up about Superman. Frankly, I think the Hulk would be a LOT worse. He'd hulk out and split Betty wide open."

Shelly: "Wow...that's an image that's gonna haunt me for at least the next few minutes..."

Me: "LOL...glad to be of service"

Shelly: "Dude, totally Wolverine..."

Me: "Wolverine? Nah..underneath, he's really a lover.."

Back to Lip, Me: "Shelly's weighing in now. she thinks wolverine would be a terror in bed.. i told her i think he's a lover underneath"

Lip: "Nah, he'd be all into S&M and shit...I mean...claws? regeneration? give me a break"

Me: "he's a lover"

Lip: "bah, bs"

Me: "a taiwanese whore, he'd tear up. jean grey? it'd be sweet, sweet lovemaking"

Lip: "Nah...that would be one of those 3 hours sex sessions"

Me: "she'd be all in his head... that'd be a meta-orgasm... he'd probably have a stroke if not for the healing factor"

Lip: "and with his regeneration....he could go on FOREVER"

Is it just me, or did that come across as a REALLY weird segment of "Loveline"? Lip was totally Dr. Drew-ing all my ideas. The weirder it got, he somehow remained the scientific voice of reason...I'm a bigger dork than i ever realized. And I love that I have friends just as sick and twisted! I know this is gonna be the basis for a subpeona or something one day...

Posted by William @ 8/30/2004 11:57:24 PM
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Hi...I really don't feel like posting right now, but I thought I should write something. Anyway, updates may be few and far between because I have a trojan virus I can't get rid of right now. If anyone knows anything about the "Home Search Assistant", your help would be greatly appreciated. Anyway, don't trust family. That's the take-home lesson from this whole ordeal.

My cousin was like, "Yo, dawg! You gotta check out this site!" Needless to say, it turned out to be the kind of site I didn't really need to learn about from a relative. What did I learn? You can catch a virus even from e-whores. Yup, wrap up your modems, folks. It's dangerous world out there.

So, until that gets straightened out, I'm taking an e-sabbatical from my e-rants because I'm scared of the e-whores who've made my computer e-rratic...OK, that last one was a bit much.

Speaking of e-whores, who the fuck signed my guestbook? Some rapist signed my guestbook. Well, I'm not SURE it's a rapist, but they're sure going to great lengths to make themselves APPEAR as a rapist...What is the world coming to?

Posted by William @ 8/30/2004 12:27:22 AM
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Why are all the cute chicks on Friendster lesbians?!!! What's going on with this region? Is there something in the water? I swear, I woke up one morning, and I didn't recognize the world anymore...

Posted by William @ 8/26/2004 11:55:41 PM
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I love conversations with Shelly:

Shelly: "Making fun of deaf people...I'm SO going to Hell."

Me: "We're ALL going to Hell. I'll see ya down there."

S: "Cool! I'll meet ya by the vending machine."

Me: " You know, I'll bet Hell has a really shitty vending machine. The kind with no name brand snacks. You know, nothing but Rock Creek Ginger Ale and those Lifesavers that don't have holes in them..."

S: "That'd be awesome if the worst thing about Hell is that it's got no brand name snacks!"

Posted by William @ 8/26/2004 11:11:58 PM
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It's gonna be really sad when the "tattoo generation"gets all old and wrinkly. Just think of all the old ladies who're gonna have the same blasted design across the small of their backs! I already pity the soccer moms who either have something on their arms or ankles. It's almost like some relic of their days of reckless abandonment, now replaced by SUVs & PTA meetings...

Posted by William @ 8/26/2004 11:05:59 PM
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And the drama continues...

Tonight, i went to The Cheesecake Factory with Mommy and the Aunts. Well, as I posted about a month ago, one of the hosts has a major thing for me there. And they know this, but they just kinda think it's a joke. To show how far it goes, though, when Natalie and I went a few weeks ago, the guy basically stared daggars, like he'd kill her where she stood. When we were leaving, he told me, " If you ever see me up here at the desk, you don't have to wait in line..you can just come right on up." I was like, "Wow, I've got a hook-up @ Cheesecake!"

So, he was working today, but I didn't go up to him because he was busy with another group of people. I got my little beeper thing, and we waited for our table. A little while later, he noticed, and came on over. Mommy was clearly getting nervous. He was all like, "Why didn't you come up to me? I told you you didn't have to wait!" I told him he was busy and I didn't want to bother him. A few mintues later, he signaled me over, and said he was ready to seat us. Mind you, the little beeper thing has NOT gone off, and there were several parties ahead of us. But who am I to argue?

So, he takes us to our table, and we sit down. Mommy looks all uncomfortable. I told her, "we got a table, so shut up and eat your bread." Yeah, i can be a dick sometimes, but she knows how I am. So, she was just quiet. Eventually, he came back over, and asked how we were doing. I thanked him for seating us and everything. Once he walked away, the Aunts were like, "Was that him?" Because they had heard of him before. Suddenly, they began a chorus of, "He's cute!" I was like, "WTF?!! Is this a trap?"

This was followed by sudden, uncomfortable silence. Then, Mommy looks at me and says, "He's cute...." pause..."But don't you mess around with him!"

I was like, "Oh God! I can't help it if I'm cute! It helped us get a table, so be quiet and enjoy your bread. If you feel so bad about it, then maybe you should act like a pimp and slash my face so no one'll look at me again!"

They laughed, and said, "You find you a cute girl. While you're at it, find him one too." Wow, old ladies and their flawed reasoning. I kinda lost my appetite after all this, but managed to force some food down. As we left, Mommy at least thanked the guy, as did I, and he told me to come back soon. I wonder if my face'll be slashed by then...

Posted by William @ 8/26/2004 10:48:48 PM
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So, I've reinstated "Operation: Childhood Buyback". Basically, whenever I get depressed or confused, I try to create a bubble of nostalgia around myself in order to feel better. The best way to do this is for me to buy back the relics of my childhood.

Anyway, the most effective branch of this initiative deals with TV. I've bought several 80's TV DVDs, such as the first seasons of Punky Brewster, The A-Team, and Knight Rider.

Tonight's topic is Knight Rider. When I was a kid, I LOVED this show. I don't think "love" even cuts it. There is no English word to describe the feelings I had for this show. I think it's because of how it relates to my life. I used to watch it with my dad, so it kind of has that sentiment attached to it. Also, for my 4th birthday/Christmas, I got the K.I.T.T. Power Wheels car, which is still in my shed, by the way. That was the year Daddy died, so it was a trying holiday season, but I remember how happy I was to get that car! In fact, Knight Rider and my dad's death are intertwined in several different ways.

When my father's funeral came about, they didn't think a 3 yr-old needed to be at the service, so they had my cousin run interference. She took me to Toys R Us, where I got an electronic K.I.T.T. I still remember that to this day.

Why is all of this important? Well, for many seemingly coincidental reasons. Here I am, watching Knight Rider Season 1, when my cousin, on my father's side, passes away. In the meantime, Toys "R" Us is considering exiting the toy business. "The more things change..."

I guess one would ask, "Why do you love that show so much if it's got so many bad memories attached?" Well, they weren't bad memories. I didn't know what was going on. I found out about funerals and the like as I grew older. I've posted about this before, but I simply looked at that as "the day all my relatives came to visit me/the day i got my Knight Rider car".

So, now reality sets in. I'm watching these episodes, and trying to recapture what i felt 20 yrs ago. But ya know what? This show sucks. I am so sorry to say that. I feel almost like it's blasphemy for me to do so, but this show is formulaic dreck.

Let's see. Some town gets in trouble. Michael and K.I.T.T. are dispatched to right wrongs, and uphold justice in the name of the Foundation for Law and Government. Conveniently, there is always a hot single MILF and/or waitress who becomes Michael's tour guide/potential love interest. Throw in a couple of bumbling henchmen and any reason at all to get K.I.T.T. to jump over a gorge, river, truck, or building, and you've got a typical episode of Knight Rider. No, you've got EVERY episode of Knight Rider!

To my recollection, there are only 2 episodes worth remembering: 1) "K.I.T.T. vs. K.A.R.R.", where Michael is forced to go against the evil prototype named K.A.R.R. If you've never seen two Trans Ams collide in midair, this is the episode for you & 2) "Knight of The Juggernaut", where K.I.T.T. gets the living shit smashed out of it by a big ol' tank. He was never the same after that...

Well, I've got a funeral in about 8 hrs, and about half a season left of Knight Rider. let's hope between the two, I can come up with some kind of understanding of life...

Posted by William @ 8/24/2004 12:35:13 AM
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Happy Anniversary to James & Jenn! Five Years!!! Oh my God....how did you all make it five years? What is your secret? I met you all Day #2, and here we are, 5 yrs later. Wow...

Posted by William @ 8/23/2004 12:36:02 AM
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Chasing Amy No More...

I've finally figured this thing out. Of course, I'm always the kid who loves the party right when it's about to end, but I think I've got this thing figured out.

George was right. Tony was right. Not about the gay thing. I loves the women. But it makes no sense that I'm holding out for something that's never gonna happen; it's foolish.

I'm an only child. I'm used to getting my way. Everything I've ever wanted, I've gotten. I don't quit anything, and I accept a challenge, with the incentive that i will eventually get what I'm after.

Now, Natalie's no object. And it's not that kind of situation. I love her. I truly do, but I don't have a chance. I don't. This chapter of my life will be entitled "Barking Up The Wrong Tree". I should've internalized this in the very beginning, but I would always wonder "What if?" Well, now I know. And knowing's half the battle. It truly is. Those G.I. Joes weren't lying! Now that I know, I gotta figure out what to do with said knowledge...

But, this was never about "a chance". As Lip would say, "Calm Down and Enjoy The Fucking Dip". She's an awesome girl, and I'm lucky to have her in my life. She really is my best friend, and that means a lot. She once asked me where I wanted this whole thing to go, and my answer was, "I'm not sure. But I never want to not know you." I know that's awkward phrasing, but I meant it. I don't really care what capacity it's in, I don't wanna lose her in my life. In the past, with the Amani's, et. al, I'd say, "I'd rather have you as a friend than as nothing at all." That was complete bullshit. I hated those girls when it was over, and I just wanted to save face. This, however, is very different. Hell, everything about it's been "different"! So, I know I can do this.

Yeah, I'm in love with her, but I also love her. And I want her to be happy. Knowing that I can't fully provide that is the first step in dealing with this in a mature fashion. I've simply gotta acknowledge that, in that dept, I'm not what's best for her. That hurts like a bitch, but no one said this was gonna be easy.

So, let's take a deep breath, and brace ourselves for the next chapter. It's been a CRAZY summer, and I'm gonna miss the old girl, but I know where to find her, and vice versa. Now, I've gotta get ready for whatever's gonna fly around the corner next...

Posted by William @ 8/22/2004 11:28:41 PM
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First off, allow me to say how impressed I am with myself that I come across so clearly, even drunk. That last post certainly was a doozy!

So, now for the aftermath....

I'm still upset. I basically spent the past 2 hrs sort of meditating on the whole thing, and I have no real answers or conclusions. I do, however, have a playlist. So, if you wanna know the soundtrack for all my drama, this'll give you a little insight as to what's going on in my head right now. Gotta warn ya, it's a bit of a downer:

1) "I Can't Make You Love Me" - Bonnie Raitt
2) "Comin' Around Again" - Carly Simon
3) "The Last Song" - Elton John
4) "Barely Breathing" - Duncan Sheik
5) "Until I Hear it From You" - Gin Blossoms
6) "Sometimes Love Just Ain't Enough" - Don Henley & Patti Smythe
7) "Again" - Janet Jackson
8) "Foolish Games" - Jewel
9) "If You Go" - Jon Secada
10) "I Would Do Anything For Love (But I Won't Do That)" - Meatloaf
11) "Losing My Religion" - REM
12) "Listen To Your Heart" - Roxette
13) "Song For You" - Ray Charles
14) "Back For Good" - Take That
15) "Counting Blue Cars" - Dishwalla
16) "Why" - Annie Lennox
17) "Ave Maria" - arr. Franz Biebl

Posted by William @ 8/22/2004 03:30:10 PM
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WARNING: The following is the longest, most drunken, most deplorable and shameful post I've ever written for this blog. This seriously bleeds into the "too much info" category and I probably shouldn't even share it, but I'm so mad that i have to get it all out. Bear with me...

Tonight....fuckin' tonight...So, work sucked today because I was hungover from Bethesda bar-hopping with Davis last night, and only getting 4 hrs of sleep. Not only was it a typical busy H&M Saturday, but the server went down, so we had to manually approve each credit card transaction, which caused our lines to be LONG! Anyway, after work, I had plans with Natalie.

Natalie and I went to a Loverware Party @ Night Dreams, a sex shop in Bethesda. Hosted by DC 101, the guest of honor was Victoria Zdrok, Penthouse's Pet of the Year 2004. It was...interesting... Honestly, Victoria was kinda busted. And the sex shop was kinda disappointing. I think the shady Ithaca one had more to offer than this place. In the meantime, the event had an adverse effect on me 'cause it made me depressed. While in there, I realized "There's a sexual world out there, and I have nothing to do with it!" Seriously, where's my sex? A place like that makes you realize just how many people are screwing, and it hurts to not be in that number....At the same time, Natalie's walking around going, "I want this...and this..." And it got to me 'cause she's gonna use the shit. With some girl. No particular girl at the moment, but give it time...So, when the thing was finally over, she asked what was wrong with me, and I told her. Yeah, I'm too honest. Then she goes into this thing about "it happens when you least expect it" and "you gotta stop looking..." blah blah. All shit I've heard before. I'm tired of these games: You're too nice, you're gay. You have to make a concerted effort to appear uninterested in order to interest a woman. WTF?!! I'm sick of this mindgame shit.

So, after she dropped me off, I got ready for the second phase of the night with Brett. Yes, i know I said I'd stop going to gay clubs, but I didn't have many other options tonight, and I wanted to hang out with him. It was either Nations or drag show, and I've had my drag for the week.

Once at Nation, I immediately see this beautiful girl dancing with her friends. I mean, she was smoking. She looked like Jessica Biel. And the cute part was she almost looked like she was counting while she danced. She had some moves, but she was definitely getting points for effort. I danced around her. but not with her. I thought her friends were trying to keep her away, so I didn't press the issue. Eventually, after a few more drinks, I tell Brett how much I want the girl, and he's all like, "Talk to her." I didn't know what to say, so he took his drunk ass and went to talk to her for me. I pretended I didn't know. He told her I was straight, thought she was attractive, etc. She told him I should come over and talk for myself. So, after pounding a Long Island, I make my way over to her, not knowing what to say. First off, I apologized for Brett 'cause I had to make it look like I hadn't put him up to it. We started talking, and she was a cool, beautiful girl. But there's more...the kicker was when she told me her future plans. You see, she just graduated from college and her major was RUSSIAN!!! And in a few weeks, she's off to grad school in RUSSIA!!! I told her about my Russian past, and she couldn't believe it. After we exchanged a few Russian pleasantries, we were really hitting it off.. When the good music started, we were back on the dance floor, and I was grinding her like you wouldn't believe. There were points where I thought, "I should make a move", but I can't bring myself to be that guy. Unfortunately, I was drunk, and I think I lost my rhythm at one point. It was then that a gay guy just swooped in and snatched her from me. Later on, I saw her and she told me she was going to find a friend she came with. I found her in the other dance room, chilling with some Black dude; I'd been replaced....

So, Brett and I left, and decided we were too drunk to come home, so we went to Soho for coffee. Soho's right next to Apex, which is where Natalie went tonight, so I called her up. She met us outside, and went to Soho with us. Now, this is where shit gets twisted....

I'm drunk as shit, and brazenly hitting on Natalie. So, she likes girls. I'm drunk. What do I care? So, I'm making an ass of myself, but it's cool 'cause she knows I'm drunk.

Next thing I know, these two guys, George and Tony sit at our table. I kinda see them looking at me, but I pretend to ignore it 'cause we're in DuPont at this point, and I don't wanna send any mixed signals. Next thing I know, Tony's telling me that I'm a beautiful man. George, then, says that I'm the most beautiful man he's seen all night. Well, Holy Shit! I'm getting hit on by some gay guys! They're older, like late 30's, but they definitely seem interested. Now, I'm weirded out 'cause I don't swing that way, but at the same time, flattered 'cause, c'mon, "Most beautiful man all night"?!! that's some heavy shit.

So, we all start shooting the shit, and all of a sudden, George is like "Are you 100% straight?" I was like, "Yeah, I am." Natalie, trying to be cute, chimes in, "No, he's like 50%, max". You see, here's a little variable I've never blogged about before. As much as I'm into the girl, she's got this hang-up where she doesn't exactly believe I'm entirely straight. In fact, she kind of thinks of it as some kind of sick game to try to turn me. I think it'd be some kind of HRC accomplishment for her to do so. Maybe she gets double coupons this month if she's successful.

So, of course this little tidbit stokes the fires, and Tony and George wanna hear more. He finds out that she likes girls, and then he's like, "Dude, why are you chasing a lesbian? You're in denial!" I'm like, "Denial of what?" He responds, "C'mon man. Don't bullshit me! I was like you. When I was in my early 20's, I got married. I had a kid. But I was fooling myself. I wasn't being true to myself."

He continues with, "You love this girl because she's safe. Don't get me wrong. She's a beautiful girl, but you love her because you know you can't have her. But it's the closest you're willing to go in order to be with someone who's not straight."

Brett's just sitting there, kinda laughing at the absurdity of the whole thing, but Natalie becomes fucking Juror # 1. She seems to be agreeing with the guy. He asks her why she's dating me, and she says we're not dating. She tells him we were dating, but it just didn't work out. Now, that's fuckin' news to me! Whenever I'd even attempt to call our shit dates, she'd get all weirded out 'cause "things change when you start dating". So, here I am being attacked 'cause I'm "in denial", and the past few weeks have apparently been a sham.

Brett and Tony disappear, and I go into my explanation of how I'm willing to acknowledge an attractive man, but that doesn't mean I want to sleep with him. Quite the contrary. I can't fathom the idea of sex with a man. I seriously can't. Hell, I hate my own penis, so how can i go about dealing with those of others? I LOVE women. We won't get graphic, but there are things women have that a man can never attain. I appreciate an attractive anything, be it man, woman, or sunset. I don't feel as comfortable acknowledging attractive women because women tend to be catty and jealous, and being raised by women, I was conditioned that you're just asking for trouble if you open Pandora's Box in that dept. Don't tell a woman that another woman is attractive.

This explanation seems to satisfy George. He says that I'm just a secure, heterosexual male. But no, Natalie can't seem to let it die. She goes on about how I'm perfect, and how if I was a woman, it'd be on. But I'm just in the wrong package. The knife twists. So, George harps back on how futile it is for me to be pining for a lesbian. I tell him I'm a dreamer, and I guess I'm holding out for that tiny part of her that does want me. She sits there quietly.

Another blog I neglected to post was from last Saturday. You see, I got drunk, and a few revelations. I realized, as much as I love and want her, Natalie doesn't not feel the same about me. Sure, she loves me. Just not IN love with me. She doesn't want me. I'm safe, and nice, and care about her, but it's not about...desire. And like an self-respecting drunk, I called her and told her this. Long story short, she didn't deny any of it. Basically, this time has just taught her how much she really likes girls. What luck have I!!!

Fast-forward back to tonight. She considers my phone call last week to be when I "broke up" with her. Hello?!!! Didn't know we were on that level. There's a part of her that's joking, but also a serious part.

So, here I have Tony and George telling me how foolish I am for pursuing this, and I have Natalie basically in silent agreement. She stands by her whole, "we tried and it didn't work out, so stop dwelling" stance. Sorry, but I don't remember all this!

So, then George starts trying to buy me a drink. He's all like, "OK, I am gay. Do I have a shot?" I CRACK UP LAUGHING. He's got balls, I'll give him that. Now, here he is, psychoanalyzing me, and then he tries to take me home! I was like, "No, you don't have a shot!" But he kept plying us all with drinks, so when Brett agreed, I was like, "fine, you can get me a drink." He kept suggesting espresso, so I guess he wanted to make sure I stayed awake for awhile tonight....

Finally, Tony is like, "Do you find me attractive?" What are you supposed to say when you're on the spot like that? I was like, "Yeah, you're cute." "But do you find me hot?" he asked. I told him I didn't have feelings like that. I didn't know him to know if he was hot. At a glance, he's cute. He said, "I want you to listen to those words. You need to listen to the words that you are speaking. And I want you to respect this woman, " as he puts his arm around Natalie. Ok, not really sure how I disrespected Natalie, but this was turning into a bad sci-fi movie where your ally has been a spy all along. She seemed pretty comfortable nestled up with him, as Tony suggested I be honest with myself. He said, "You love this woman, but you know it cannot be. You are hiding from something. You must be honest with yourself. What was your name again?"

George chimed in with, "You shouldn't be like this. You should be proud of who your are. You are a handsome Black man. You shouldn't take shit off of anybody. It took me awhile to learn that, and I'm not Black. I'm a White guy. From Switzerland. But I learned that. You should go out there, with your head up, and say 'fuck you!' You should never be afraid to be who you truly are!"

This is when the real shit hit the fan. Tony stands up, offers me his hand, and says, "My name is Antonio Guerra, and you are gay. You are in denial, and you are scared, but you should know that there's nothing to fear. You have friends here for you. We will support you." I didn't take his hand. I just sat there, dumbfounded. I can't believe he fucking tried to OUT me in a damn coffeeshop in such an AA fashion. I just looked at him. This bastard was standing here, trying to welcome me to the fold!!! Brett thought it was hilarious, which, had it happened to anyone else, I probably would've laughed too.

Everyone seemed so convinced, and there was nothing I could do to change anyone's mind. I didn't say anything. Brett started to light a cigarette. "Brett, give it to me," I said. Yes, I did what I never thought I'd do. I guess I have a real reason to hate those Truth.com kids now. Yes, I smoked my first cigarette. Brett was all like, "Don't just inhale. Just let yourself take it in." Fortunately, I didn't choke or start coughing or anything. In fact, I only had about 3 puffs. Enough to relieve the stress, but also enough to know that I'm not cut out to be a smoker.

So, everyone seemed pretty satisfied, and the conversation turned back to bullshit, such as the fact that George was a chef at a popular G-town restaurant, etc. Then, he acknowledged that I hadn't said anything since my apparant "outing", so he gave me the floor. I told them I had nothing to say. I was drunk, sleepy, and had nothing to say. They said I was using it as an excuse, but to give it time....

So, I was ready to go, as was Brett. Natalie wanted us to walk her to her car. George and Tony are asking for our numbers. They want to get together again. Natalie and Brett actually gave them to them. Tony wanted me to have his number in case I "needed anything". I guess he wants to be my coming out coach. I was like, "Yeah, I'll get it from those guys..." Like Hell I will!

We said our goodbyes, walked Natalie to her car, and I cussed the entire fucking way home...

So, to recap: I'm mad because I can't win. Fell in love with a lesbian...who thinks I'm gay....who pulls a "Brutus" on me...in the meantime, I can't even hook up with a straight girl in a fucking gay club! I can't win. I'm "outed" in a fucking CTB-clone coffeeshop, by a bunch of guys I don't even know, who're clearly just trying to find a reason to talk to me. Whatever, I can forgive that nonsense, but the whole Natalie involvement kinda disturbed me. Oh yeah, did I mention that I can't win?

Oh, and for the record, I'm NOT GAY!!!! Get it through your fucking heads. If this had happened at Naton or something, we could use the whole "You were on their turf, so you were asking for it" excuse. But SoHo is NEUTRAL territory.

Posted by William @ 8/22/2004 05:08:32 AM
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Why is it that everytime I go to get a manicure, there's fucking Cirque Du Soleil playing on a TV in the background?!! I swear, this has happened to me at SEVERAL different salons . Is there some nail-enhancing property that I don't know about? Does research show that manicures are more successful if gawdy Vegas shows are playing in the vicinity? I think it's gotta be the latter, 'cause these places also have a penchant for "Riverdance". Are Asian manicurists all secretly longing for the lives of Vegas showgirls? The world may never know...

And before I get backlash, YES, these are ALL Asian establishments....Which begs the question: Why is there any Asian monopoly of the manicure industry? Jenn's gonna tear me a new asshole for that one, but it's a legitimate question....

Posted by William @ 8/20/2004 04:23:06 AM
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So, how is it Natalie and I have such a "Will & Grace" relationship, yet I'm still "Will"? Something isn't quite adding up here. I'm not gay, yet I am definitely Will. Such a perplexing deal...

I think what gets to me is, even though I am loved, there's still a limit to said love. I mean, it can only go so far. And the way she lights up when a girl shows interest...knowing that I can never ignite that kind of spark...it's really....

I always use the whole "Chasing Amy" analogy, but there's a big difference here. In that movie, Holden could've had Alyssa. She was ready to settle with him. It was his own insecurities that thwarted the union. He had achieved the impossible and managed to fuck it up. I, on the other hand, do not have such an option. I have not won Alyssa, nor Amy, nor _____. The chick likes what she likes. Case closed. I can be a dreamer, but the world loves to mock a dreamer.

I dunno. We all knew this was quite the predicament when it began, but I'm still struggling to find some kind of answers in it. I mean, I'm definitely learning a lot about myself, as well as the world around me, but still....

It reminds me of Ada (Newport folks are the only ones who'll understand this). When I used to talk to Ada, her nickname for me was "Girlfriend", 'cause I was her confidant. She could come to me about anything. Which was fine 'cause I didn't have those feelings for her, even though she was HOT TO DEATH. A living Bond girl, I'll tell ya what...

Well, I have that same situation here, but there are feelings. I should be cool, and I should be supportive. I should be the guy she can come to for anything....but when I hear about some girl I've never heard of, I immediately think, "Who's this bitch?!!" And I know I have no right...

And I want her to be happy. And not in that bullshit "I just want you to be happy" kind of way. I mean it. It's just that I guess I want to be happy myself, as well. And "no one's happiness is more important than your own", or so I've heard.

As I sit here typing, I wonder, 'Why did I decide to get all 'Doogie Howser' on here?" I used to blog about TV and pop culture. Now, it's just me, me, me. Don't get me wrong, this is saving me from a future of arthritis, but I think maybe some of this stuff I should keep to myself. Then again, I always say people don't get me....I just feel too vulnerable...but "the show must go on"...I'm such a schizo right now. I guess that's what happens to everyone at 4 AM...

Posted by William @ 8/20/2004 03:50:56 AM
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So, let's here it for the shittiest day I've had in...well, quite some time.

It all started this morning. I couldn't really get to sleep 'cause I was nervous about today. You see, I had a job interview scheduled for today. Long story short, a friend from church had an opening at his company, and thought of me, since I've been looking for a "real job". Well, he SEVERELY fast-tracked the whole thing. I heard about this thing around Sunday, and he sets up an interview for TODAY. So, anyway, I couldn't sleep, because I was nervous for that.

Plus, I kinda missed Natalie, so I pulled one of those "I just called to say I love you" deals. She was having the time of her life at Denny's. I wish I had a life....

So, I passed out while researching the company. Passed out around 5 AM. Had a phone call at 8. Had to talk to the guy about said company so I wouldn't mess up the interview. Afterwards, I decided to get a little more sleep. Only to be woken up by my mother. My cousin wasn't breathing, so she was on her way to the hospital to check it out.

Well, I was worried about that, but told to go to my interview. Yeah, like I could really keep my mind on the Bureau of Transportation Statistics at a time like this...

Right after Mommy left, I got a call that my cousin had passed away...I'm never good with these things, which is odd since "death is my gift". I called Mommy, who didn't really take it well at all. I had to calm her down via cell phone.

The whole family went to the hospital, but I ended up feeling like an asshole. I was told to go to my interview...

I decided to go running to clear my head. Usually, I run at Wheaon High, but I never do it during the day 'cause I knew summer school's going on, and I didn't want to be seen. Anyway, "desparate times..." So, I run all the way there to discover, yes, summer school DOES have P.E. And if I ran on the track, I'd be a trespasser. I'd be the skeazy old guy watching the high school girls run around. So, I just ran home. Showered, but kept sweating 'cause it was hot as a bastard.

The interview people wanted a writing sample, but one that didn't have professor's comments written all over it and stuff. Well, I didn't really have time to go digging, so I ended up printing them a copy of my final paper for entomology. I figured it looked technical enough. So, here I am, worried about dead cousins, nervous about interviews, and I realize: I don't have change for the bus!

So, I decide I'll ask my neighbor for a ride to the Metro. Once there, I don't have change for the farecard. I walk to 7/11 'cause I figure I can buy deodorant, which I knew I'd be needing soon. Get there, they don't have my deodorant. I end up buying a pack of gum just to break a $20. I walk back to the Metro, buy a farecard, just in time for some Metro bastard to tell everyone that a train's derailed near Silver Spring, and there'd be no more trains into DC. By this point, I had about an hr to get from Wheaton to downtown DC. I did some quick thinking, hopped a bus to Rockville, hoping I could get a train into DC from the other side of the loop. The plan works, but I get there with no time to spare, and I've got no idea where the building is. I have to call the people, on the exact minute I'm supposed to be interviewing, asking them for directions. They were nice about it, and in about 5 mintues, I was there.

Now for the interview: It went well. I really don't know how it could've gone any better. But there was a caveat: I have these pretentious little glasses I wear when I'm trying to look smart, but they're pure glass, which means I still have to wear contacts. Well, all summer my contacts have been giving me all sorts of problems, and I haven't had the time to go to an eye doctor. I knew I shouldn't have worn 'em, but I HAD to. So, at the beginning of the interview, the left eye starts acting up, right on cue. I dab it with my hankerchief, telling them that my allergies are acting up. That works....for awhile. I struggle to look the interviewers in the eye, all the while suffering from the inability to focus. Finally, they ask if I need to use the restroom. I say "yes", just as my contact falls onto my cheek. Now, just try to visualize this. Youre' looking at a person, wearing glasses, whose contact lens falls out on his cheek. Why does he have contacts if he's wearing glasses? I didn't even want to answer a question like that, and thankfully they didn't process the situation enough to even "go there". So, in the bathroom, I made a desparate decision: I'd throw out the contact. I had no choice. I couldn't keep squinting like George Bush during a press conference. So, I figured I'd go on at 50% and just leave the right contact in. I got through the rest of the interview, but I was also half-blind, which kinda gave me a headache.

After that was all said and done, I STILL had to go to work at H&M! I hopped back on the Metro, and ended up at work around 6. I REALLY didn't want to be there, but I didn't want to use a bunch of excuses. Even though I had a TON of legitimate reasons for not being there, I felt I still had an obligation. On top of this, I was SOAKED because it was HOT AS BALLS, and I'd been running around the fucking DC-Metro area in a navy suit all day! But I refused to buy clothes just to wear at work, for a mere three hours.

Around 8, Natalie dropped by, which I really needed 'cause I hadn't seen her all day, and I just needed a friend. We went for cookies and a walk. It really meant a lot that she dropped by. So loving that girl...Anyway, I finished up work around 10:30, and it seemed like the world was converging on Apex. Natalie was heading there. Brett was on his way there. For some reason, Apex truly was its namesake tonight. I REALLY needed a drink, but I couldn't go for several reasons: 1) I REALLY need to cut back my patronage at gay bars, especially after the other night's incident at Drag Bingo (No, I haven't posted about that yet. Still deciding if i will...) 2) I was in a suit, so I would've looked like some kind of 1940's NARC. 3) Everyone going was already either going with someone else, or meeting someone, so I didn't want to be anyone's third wheel.

I ended up running to Blockbuster. Not sure why. The prospect of cheap, previously-viewed, yet shitty movies always cheers me up. Bought something. Went to Wendy's 'cause I hadn't really eaten, and I waited for the last bus, which is always entertainingly filled with degenerates.

I got home about 30 mins ago, and Natalie called me from Apex. Funny girl. She thinks she might be drunk. I LOVE that! She thinks she might be drunk! She's not sure. In fact, she thought someone might've put something in her drink, which is NOT funny, but the whole placebo effect had taken over. So, whether or not it was true, she was convincing herself that something was chemically unusual inside of her. Then, while we're talking, I hear a familiar voice in the background ask, "Do you know William West?" For a moment, I thought, 'Who the fuck is asking about me at the GAY CLUB?!!!" Then, I remembered: I'd told Brett that Natalie was gonna be there, and said, "If you see a cute chick with cool glasses, that's her." By no means did I expect him to actually run into her. Apex is such a Twinkie crowd that I figured he'd be too distracted. But apparently, he'd been sitting next to her during our entire conversation, and didn't know it was her 'til someone said her name! Small world....

So, here I am. Minus one great cousin. Plus one giant headache. A whole bunch of stress and uncertainty, and now my best friends have met, which weirds me out 'cause I hate when my worlds collide, but let's hope tomorrow's a LOT better.

I think this is my longest post to date. Before I go, a few shout-outs:

Hey Austin, always great hearing from ya! Glad to know you're still reading. And thanks for the advice. I say so much, I must say I'd forgotten that little nugget. I appreciate the reminder! Throw me some more Bat/Office Space trivia when you get a chance!

Hey Shelly! We share more of a dork bond now that you know what's going on in my head. Let's hope this interview thing works out so we can finally drink!

T, once again, thanks for everything...

Jenn, update your damn page...

Posted by William @ 8/20/2004 02:23:18 AM
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I just read "A Catcher in the Rye". Unlike most kids in America, I never had to read the book for my high school English class. Instead, they felt we'd go out and find good literature on our own. It's a shame it took me about 6 years to discover the thing on my own.

Anyway, EXCELLENT BOOK. I have 2 favorite books of all time: Invisible Man, by Ellison & The Jungle, by Sinclair. Well, the trinity is complete because I love this book.

I see a lot of myself in Holden Caulfield. I've read that he is the ultimate Capricorn. He's a pessimistic-realist who sort of harshly critiques the world around him. He was kinda like a verbal blogger!! Anyway, I see a lot of myself in that book, and it definitely spoke to me.

And is it facetious to feel that I share a writing style with Salinger? By no means do I feel I'm on his level, but the whole digression from the point, the pseudo-stream-of-consciousness writing of the book felt familiar, just like the dreck y'all read here. Ok, this isn't dreck, but it's also not a classic (not yet!). I hope I can one day develop a style as expressive as Salinger's...

Posted by William @ 8/17/2004 06:06:03 AM
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So, tonight I met Natalie's mother. In terms of our relationship, not necessarily a big deal, but I was still more nervous than a long tailed cat in a room full of rocking chairs!

Long story short, was quick, painless, and she was a nice woman.

Anyway, I LOVE this girl! I mean it. It's definitely the most twisted situation I've ever been in, but I simply love this girl. I think it's the first time someone "gets" me. In the past, people have tolerated me, but they never exactly understood where I was coming from. She gets me, which is so odd, but amazing at the same time.

I can't believe I'm thinking this. I can't believe I'm typing it. And I certainly can't believe I'm sharing it with a bunch of strangers, but I am in love with her. The cute little things she does that can brighten my day. Just having her around. The way she see the world. "All the things I detest, I will almost like..."

She's my best friend. I don't know how this happened, but she has quickly joined the ranks of about 4 individuals who truly know who I am, and that scares the shit out of me. She's so close, she HAS to be either my best friend, or my worst enemy.

Yet, life always has to throw you it's little curveballs. I'm "Chasing Amy", remember? I'm barking up the wrong tree, but what a perfect tree it is. And I truly am in love with this girl. Didn't want it to happen, but it has, and now I'm more screwed up than I ever thought I could be. Isn't it enough that we're friends? Am I wrong to want more?

I certainly hope y'all are entertained 'cause I couldn't make this stuff up if I tried!

Posted by William @ 8/17/2004 05:27:24 AM
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In comic news, apparently Marvel & DC are trying to start their rivalry again.

For the uninformed, comics fans usually stick to one company. The choices are 1) DC, which publishes Batman & Superman, 2) Marvel, which publishes X-Men & Spider-Man, and 3) Image, which publishes Spawn and...a bunch of books that don't last long.

Now, there IS some crossover, with most people reading books from each company, but back in the day, that was unheard of. You had loyalists. Hell, Marvel made a little gang out of it, called F.O.O.M., which stood for "Friends Of Ol' Marvel".

In recent years, the competition dwindled as both companies simply struggled to survive.

Looks like the gloves are off again. Marvel's Editor-In-Chief, Joe Quesada is at the front of the charge for more of a rivalry. despite this passage being about 2 yrs old, this is how Joe feels about his competition:

"Mr. Quesada is convinced that some good old-fashioned gloves-off rivalry will be good for business. "I liked it when the two companies hated each other," he said. "It made it better for the fans. You know, if you like DC, then you hated Marvel. If you like Marvel, then you hated DC.""What the fuck is DC anyway?" Mr. Quesada said, stoking the fires. "They'd be better off calling it AOL Comics. At least people know what AOL is. I mean, they have Batman and Superman, and they don't know what to do with them. That's like being a porn star with the biggest dick and you can't get it up. What the fuck?" (Paul Levitz, DC's president and publisher, declined to comment for this story through a spokesperson.)"

We'll just have to wait and see how this pans out. I, myself, have been on both sides of the debate. Originally, I was a DC loyalist, but then I discovered X-Men and was wooed to the other side. I love my Batman, but I think I have to make mine Marvel!

Posted by William @ 8/17/2004 05:21:18 AM
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So, here's another"WTF? Moment" from my life:
So, there's this girl who works in the mall. Let's call her "N". So, N works in another store, but she always comes into H&M to talk. In fact, she's been coming in since the day we opened. She's cute, although a bit young, and somewhat flirty. But I've met N's bf. Kind of a thug. I think he'd kick my ass.

Despite this, she's still friendly and touchy feely. But I don't want my ass kicked, and if you're a regular reader, you know I've got my hands full as it is.

So, the other day, we're talking and she says, "You should give me your number so we can talk." This is when I had a "JW Moment".

Backstory: JW Taylor was my grandfather and although he was a loveable guy, he was kinda ornery. Had a penchant for being an a-hole at times. I have very few memories of him, but he was always an a-hole with me, God bless him! So, for some reason, I got none of my father, and only got JW traits. When I meet relatives from Alabama, they always say, "Wow, he's just like Unca Nap (JW's nickname)." So, I'm JW: The Next Generation.

So, I had my JW moment. She's asking for my number, but I'm thinking to myself: "Why do you need my number? We're talking now!" But I soon realized I was stalling, and probably looked like a real asshole right there on the spot. So I fumbled and got a pen and gave it to her.

Fast forward about 3 days. I'm on lunch, and my phone rings. Y'all know I don't answer if I don't recognize the number. That's what voicemail's for. Well, I was waiting for a call, and wasn't sure if this was it. So, I answer the phone, and woman says, "Hi, my name is T.P. You don't know me, but I'm N's mother..."

Immediately, I'm thinking, "Shit! Did that chick run away from home or something?!! What the fuck did I get myself into?!!"

She, then, goes on to say that she had been talking to N, who'd informed her I was looking for another job (who isnt?). Apparently, this chick had one of those Make Money At Home schemes, and she was trying to recruit me. I am SO sick of these bastards! I swear, this has been the summer of gay guys and pyramid schemes. If one's not approaching me, it's the other. I've had guys try to give me business cards at urinals because apparently I "looked like a hard worker"! Man, that's prolly the best damn, gay pick-up line I've ever heard. Those are the borderline situations where I'm wondering, "Is this a job thing or ARE you hitting on me?"

Anyway, N's mom wanted to meet sometime to discuss the whole thing. I really didn't know how to get out of it, so i told her I was really busy because H&M's season start was coming up, and I'd be working long hours. Apparently, she had a penchant for Tuesdays, so she kept trying to make a meeting for Tuesday. I told her I didn't know, but I'd get back to her.

I felt so fucking violated! As they'd say in your typical YM or Seventeen, "I was totally mortified!!!"

That girl gave my number to her mother! And there was no freaky-deaky motive behind it! Instead, it was just a nefarious plan to expand their empire. And I was caught in the middle of it! I felt like such a fool.

So, I couldn't wait to confront N about what happened. She didn't come to work for about the next four days. I saw her yesterday, and I was like, "YOUR MOM CALLED ME!!" She just kinda laughed. Got all touchy-feely again. I told her I'd hear her out to show I wasn't a dick, but I wasn't interested, especially if there was a buy-in, which there usually is in these programs. They always say, "You're starting a business. Don't you think that costs money?" Yeah, if I had overhead and a building. Not if I'm e-mailing shit from the comfort of my own home. What could that possibly cost?

So, not really sure how this thing is gonna play out. I'll prolly bail on the meeting the day of. I'm feeling JUST that flaky, plus I don't owe this chick anything. If anything, she owes ME.

Posted by William @ 8/15/2004 11:12:29 PM
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Why can't I win?!!! Why? I'm cute, smart, funny, and a nice guy...But why can't I win? Am I not supposed to be happy? I know there are drawbacks: No, I can't drive. Yes, I work retail. Yes, I live at home. But these are all in the process of being changed. Plus, I'm great in bed! No, really!
So, why the fuck can't I win?

Posted by William @ 8/15/2004 11:10:01 PM
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So, this old lady comes in the store the other day and asks, "Do you have ladies' slips here?"
"No, ma'am," I replied. "We don't carry them at this location."

She fired back, 'What, no one wears slips around here?"

Here's where I go into smartass mode. "Nope, no one wears 'em here. It's just a bunch of loose women walking around..."

Luckily, she was hard of hearing and didn't catch that, but my coworkers were surprised I wasn't fired on the spot. Oh well, you can't mess with the West....

Posted by William @ 8/15/2004 11:07:37 AM
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I've still got Mraz on the brain, but the HOTTEST song to me right now can be found here:
www.menoflastcall.com/leavin.mp3

This song was completely done by my pal Hong Tat Tong, himself. I think I love it so much because I hear it and think, "I KNOW this guy!". He's SUCH a musical genius. I've been begging him to write something like this for me, but alas, he keeps the good stuff for himself. He just keeps churning out the good stuff. Piano, vocals...all him! Download it; you won't be disappointed!

Posted by William @ 8/15/2004 11:03:04 AM
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So, walking home tonight, I SWEAR I heard the sound of a man reaching orgasm coming from one of the houses on my block. Now, how do I know that's what was happening? I don't. For all I know, he could have been having a terrific shit, for the two can tend to result in the same groans (graphic, but true!). In any case, I'm 80% sure he was climaxin'. I mean, that cowboy came and went. In any case, I'm not sure if I'm embarrassed for him, or jealous of him. I really need therapy....

Posted by William @ 8/12/2004 03:01:40 AM
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So, today was definitely a ME day. I've been telling Natalie that she has to start living for her, but I don't know if I've been following my own advice. My life has become such a clusterfuck as of late. I know you're thinking, "How is this different from any other time?" Well, I guess it's not. I just usually had distractions, such as school, work, that would take my mind off of personal drama.

Now, the personal drama is entangled with school and work, so I have no escape.

One of the sad parts is that i'm losing sight of who I am. I mean, I don't really know what I want, nor what makes me happy. I LOVE comics, right? I mean, I thought I did. I haven't been to my shop in over 2 weeks. Why? Not sure. Didn't feel like it. Didn't have time. Had other stuff going on. I went cold turkey on comics. I never thought I'd do that. I never WANTED to do that. But I did.

And, for some reason, I'm a clothes whore now. I've bought so many clothes recently. H&M clothes, to boot. And I HATE H&M clothes. Who am I? "Where are my friends when I need you most?"

So, today, after a late start, I got out of the house and started walking. About 5 mins after I got out, AKA the point of no return, God decided the Earth needed a bath. It rained like a bastard. And I seriously think it was just to spite me 'cause it kept changing directions, and my trusty umbrella was of no use. In a few minutes, I was soaked, from head to toe, side to ass. Since God and I haven't really been on speaking terms as of late, I wasn't sure if this was a joke or punishment. Oh, I laughed, but it was bitter laughter. So, by the time I got on and off the Metro, the rain had stopped! How funny. It rained only long enough to soak the shit out of me. How quaint! So, I decided I needed my fix, and I had neglected my sweet soalce for too long. I went to my comic shop and tried to find myself again. It was weird. The stuff seemed so familiar, yet somewhat foreign. Anyway, I really just needed to escape to somewhere, for something. So, I figured I needed to laugh. Thinking a movie'd be a good idea, I decided on "Harold and Kumar Go To White Castle". No one I know wanted to see it, so I went solo, and LOVED it. Hey, it's not a good movie, but that doesn't mean it's not enjoyable. I love shit. Well, I love tasteless dreck. Now, I can't wait for "Harold and Kumar Go To Amsterdam"! By this point, it was sunny, and I was soaked and pissed. Sure, I had my comics and I'd seen my movie, but I was pissed. Life still wasn't kosher in my mind. And I didn't know what to do next. In case I haven't explained this yet, I was very lost and very lonely today. That kind of crippling loneliness. You know, the kind you get when it's Autumn and you start thinking about what it means in the literary world. That kind of feeling. So, I thought about therapy. And to me, therapy is karaoke. But of course, you can't Karaoke alone, so I called Lip. But he had too much work. Way to throw the Real World in my face! Kidding, of course (I think; I can't tell anymore). So, I went down to my old stomping ground of DuPont Circle. Got checked out by so many guys, by the carload. I don't know why this is happening. Black guys, to boot. Black women could give two shits about me, but Black men see me as some kinda "get out of jail free card" (That was a poor and tasteless attempt at mixing metaphors; James'll know what I mean).I was gonna check out Karaoke and see if it was hopping, but I had a few minutes, so I checked out Geaorgetown first. I completly forgot there'd been a stabbing until I was crossing the bridge to G-town. Last Sat, some guy was stabbed to death just because he bumped a guy on the sidewalk. "WTF am i doing here?!!!" I thought as I entered G-town. Regardless, I guess I kinda welcomed danger. Anything to make me feel alive. So, I kept walking, and found myself in Urban Outfitters. I hadn't been to one in ages, and had never been to this one. Ended up buying a cute shirt. See? Again with the clothes! It won't make or break my wardrobe, but it's certainly an addition.

That's another problem: debt. When I first started working again, I was BAD with the debt. I ran my Cornell Visa (Yes, I have one; it's about the only school spirit I have) up to about $3,000. I had finally gotten that down almost to $1,900, and now I'm pushing it back up again. It's the whole depression>shopping>buyer's remorse>debt>depression cycle. I've really gotta get ahold of myself in that dept. And I'd been doing so well....

Karaoke hadn't started, and I didn't feel like waiting, so I headed back to the Metro when I saw a familiar guy in a suit. It was LC's own Bill Shurmann. He'd been in DC for an internship, but I had no idea he was still around. I called out to him and told him we needed to hang out before he leaves. Hopefully he'll call. I gave him a card (I really need to stop using those LC business cards!)

On the train, some guy sat next to me and began to talk to me about "The Catcher in the Rye", which he saw I was reading. Usually, I'd have been annoyed because I hate people, especially when I'm trying to mind my own business. Surprisingly, he was a nice old guy. Not annoying at all.

Decided to get off in Slver Spring for good old diner food. my waiter was an asshole, but I kinda took it in stride. I saw it as penance. I'm kind of an asshole at h&M, so it's only fair I deal with one every now and then. When working in the service industry, you always have to ask yourself, "Is this the kind of service I'd like to receive", when ever you're dealing with a customer. So many times, I've answered "No", as I've dealt with my cutomsers, so life decrees it only fair that I get a dose of my own medicine. I can admit my faults...

Finally just got home with Jason Mraz: Waiting For My Rocket To Come, a new shirt, a bunch of comics, but am I happy? No. Had a good talk with Tarek about this stuff today. But am I happy? No. What'll make me happy? I don't know, and it's terrifying and unsettling...

Posted by William @ 8/12/2004 01:18:36 AM
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This is the worst news I've read in some time. You all know how I think. Forget the war. Forget terror alerts. News like this shatters my world:

http://www.usatoday.com/money/industries/retail/2004-08-11-toys_x.htm?csp=26&RM_Exclude=Juno

So, what DOES happen to a dream deferred? Looks like I'm about to find out...

Posted by William @ 8/12/2004 01:16:14 AM
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Song of the Moment:

YOU & I BOTH
words & music by jason mraz
Was it you who spoke the words that things would happen but not to me
Oh things are gonna happen naturally
And taking your advice I'm looking on the bright side
And balancing the whole thing
But often times those words get tangled up in lines
And the bright lights turn to night
Until the dawn it brings
A little bird who'll sing about the magic that was you and me

Cause you and I both loved
What you and I spoke of
What you and I spoke of
Others only dream of the love that I love

See I'm all about them words
Over numbers, unencumbered numbered words
Hundreds of pages, pages, pages forwards
More words then I had ever heard and I feel so alive
Now you and I, you and I
Not so little you and I anymore
And with this silence brings a moral story
more importantly evolving is the glory of a boy

you and I both loved what you and I spoke of
and others just read of and if you could see now
well I'm already finally out of

and it's okay if you have go away
just remember the telephone works both ways
and if I never ever hear it ring
if nothing else I'll think the bells inside
have finally found you someone else and that's okay
cause I'll remember everything you sang

you and I both loved what you and I spoke of
and others just read of and if you could see now
well I'm already finally out of words.


This song isn't just in my head lately. I'm obsessed with it. And unlike usual, I'm actually into the lyrics and not just the melody. Perfectly captures how I feel right now...

Posted by William @ 8/12/2004 01:14:43 AM
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I think I owe you all an apology. I realize my blogs have been cryptic as of late, and I'm not trying to lead you on or tempt you. The thing is, except for a small handful, I really don't know who any of you people are that are reading this thing. And I've always had a policy that I don't let anyone know more about me than I know about them; sort of an informational trade. It keeps us balanced, and there's no potential for blackmail and the like.

So, with this is mind, I've kinda had a policy with this site that I wasn't going to ever get too personal. Lord knows I've had more shit go on in the past six months than I'd care to share, and I felt certain people may read this and think they've gotten the upper hand. It was never meant to be a weapon, but I simply wanted to keep my feelings personal, save for the occassional veiled attack, etc.

Anyway, lately I've come to admire the existence of the "personal blog". I like the blogs where people tell you about their day, and what's on their minds. I like when they're anxious and have hopes and dreams. I've been hiding behind pop culture references and whatnot because I was sublimating things in my life, and simply trying to express myself without giving too much away. Don't get me wrong: I do still care about '80s TV and Wonkette DNC coverage, but there are other sides to me as well. It's just that I don't really think people appreciate the real me. Sure, he's cute and quirky and fun, but I think I have a Pauly Shore factor: I get old FAST. So, few people really get to know the real ME, because that's something that's earned. What I'm trying to say is that I really can't expect to have too many secrets when my domain name is my FRICKIN' REAL NAME!

So, from now on, you can still look forward to the random X-Men reference, but I'll also try to include a little bit more on me. After all, this isn't just for you, it's for me. This was supposed to be therapeutic, which is something I could really use right now. I feel really vulnerable right now, but that's how I'm supposed to feel. After all, this is a journal of sorts. So, I'd like you to get to know the real me...that is, if you really want to....

I gotta stop blogging after drinking! Friends, don't let friends blog drunk!

Posted by William @ 8/06/2004 03:40:13 AM
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So, I saw "Napoleon Dynamite" with a friend today. Hilarious movie, but definitely not for everyone. It's absurd. There's no real sense to it, but it's great. I definitely recommend it. This summer's had a great track record for movies. I've loved every one that I've seen so far, many of them becoming all-time faves. Now, let's hope those DVDs start coming out soon. I gots to own my "Anchorman"!

This evening, I went down to VA for Applebee's with Lip. It was good seeing him 'cause the bastard's been jetsetting around the friggin coast for the past month. Anyway, since the 'Bees was our place @ Cornell, it was only fitting that we find one in this region. Let me tell you this: Ithaca was ripping us off. We never got as much food at that one as we did tonight. My burger was the size of a fucking baby! And I ain't talking premie. Hell, after getting drunk off 2 mudslides, and our traditional boneless buffalo wings, I couldn't eat my meal! I've never been more ashamed of myself...in a situation involving food!

So, back at his apt, he introduced me to the Hazzard's hit, "Gay Boyfriend", which I'm starting to think is an inspiration to all of my exes. Close, but no cigar. I guess I was just too metro...

We were rushing to make the last train, but alas, we were 10 mins to late. Lip drove me home, and that's when the real adventure began:

Tonight, I've watched "Chasing Amy" twice, and while I've seen it countless times, this was the first time it meant anything to me. Let's get something straight, I LOVE Kevin Smith, but this movie was always kinda preachy and, dare I say, unrealistic.

Not anymore.

This is the first time I have ever identified with every line of a movie. It was like a shrink was laying out my life onscreen, right in front of me. You see, I'm chasing Amy. I know some of you will laugh, some might shake their heads. But this isn't one of my jokes. I am seriously chasing Amy. I didn't want "like" or "love" or anything like those feelings because I've been hurt and didn't really feel like being hurt again. But these things happen when you don't expect them. And yes, I find myself chasing Amy. How did it happen? Couldn't tell ya exactly. Where's it going? Also can't tell ya, but we've seen the movie. Hell, if Hollywood couldn't get it right...

I don't know what y'all think of this right now, but one thing's for sure: you can NEVER say that I don't keep you entertained!

P.S. Thanks T & Mary for being there...

Posted by William @ 8/06/2004 03:02:58 AM
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My favorite part of my job at the moment is speaking to all of my Russian customers. Lately, I've been trying to get back into the language by using Pimleur's CD's and whatnot. Anyway, I've gotten to the point where I can call out a Russian on sight (Yes, profiling's bad, blah, blah, blah)

They're always like, "How did you know I was Russian?" I can't say, "Because you look like it!", so I always just say that I heard them talking. Then, we get into a conversation about how I was an exchange student, blah, blah. Usually, they tell me I have a good accent, which I hope isn't them just patronizing me. I mean, I guess it would be odd to be minding your own business, and have this Black guy pop out of nowhere, speaking your language. I'm only at the pleasantries/greetings/numbers level, but they still seem to get a kick out of it, and sometimes they teach me new words. Anyway, I gots to get my kicks somehow these days....

Posted by William @ 8/05/2004 03:56:58 PM
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"Sometimes, to do right, we must give up the things we want most...even our dreams."
Uncle Ben, Spider-Man 2

Posted by William @ 8/05/2004 03:54:55 PM
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Songs of the Moment:
Rest In Pieces - Saliva
Somebody - Depeche Mode


Two VERY different ends of the spectrum, I know...

Posted by William @ 8/05/2004 03:52:52 PM
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A year ago, I was SO not a political person. But now, with Wonkette, and "Meet The Press" as my favorite show, I can't get enough of this shit! It's like "The West Wing", but real and more entertaining. That's right, folks! I am Will West, reporting for duty!

So, here's a funny little tidbit overheard at the DNC last week, courtesy of wonkette.com:

Op-ed columnist: "Obama Barak is like the black Colin Powell."

Journalist: "What?"

Op-ed columnist: "Oh -- ha -- I mean the Democratic Colin Powell".

Journalist: "First one's better."

Posted by William @ 8/02/2004 03:35:03 PM
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"You just don't get it! You'd get the hottest guys if you were gay!"
-Natalie

Thanks, sweetie. Thanks a fuckin' bunch :-(

Posted by William @ 8/01/2004 09:34:02 PM
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