Running Commentary of Debate '04 I

Wow, Kerry finally grew some balls! I think this is the first time he's ever said he was out to kill the terrorists. Before, he was fickle, but he's after Osama, too.

Plus, gotta say, CBS had the best reaction shots, and they did not favor W too well. He was looking like a baby who'd shit his diaper when Kerry plopped his goods right on the table (being figurative here for those who missed the debate!)

Kerry simply took notes during his down time, while W has a very perculiar "default" look whenever he's not required to speak...

Also LOVED when Kerry accused W of outsourcing to Afghan mercs to find Osama when we, the most powerful military force in the world, were the most capable of getting the job done.

Kerry "spoke so well" 'cause he finally had a stance, while W simply played defense. Didn't learn much more about the W camp than we already knew, but we got good intel from Kerry...

W waited a full 15 mins to attack Kerry for voting FOR the war. I DO, feel that, now that Kerry's acknowledged he's anti-terrorist, he's doing a lot more "Osama hiding." That's when you scapegoat Osama for all the shit in the world. Lack of school funding? Blame the terrorists. Your kid lost his soccer game? Osama probably had something to do with it. Kerry's really hiding behind Osama, almost as much as the Republican party, which kind of adds to his "flip-flop" reputation...

Best part was when W asked how Kerry was gonna pay for all the anti-terrorist protection. He turned into that smarmy kid who always sits at the back of the classroom. Involed a lot of shrugging and head cocking. I can't even describe it. You just had to see it... He capped it off by slinging another "Old West" style threat at the terrorists...

Gotta love when W has to say pronounce a foreigner's name. You always get the feeling that he almost didn't get it out. He's always going the "Hooked on Phonics" route, as he sounds it out...

Kerry comes off as a politician, while W makes me feel like he's trying to sell me a car. And he knows it ain't the best car, but he's doing his damnedest to make sure I drive off the lot in it today...

Kerry...big words, but I'm not sold. I'm not sure he beleives what he's saying. It sounds like he's done a good job memorizing and rehearsing. While, W seems like he had np prep at all. Just kinda slingin' babrs when he hears something he doesn't like...

Gotta say, I'm loving W's "Can you believe this shit?" face that he wears whenever Kerry's speaking....

Kerry seems to be pushing the right buttons, which may 'cause W to veer from the script, giving the networks that "Oh Shit!" moment they're so desperately waiting for...

"You forgot Poland"? Wow, he's getting desperate...

W just "ummed" a little too much to sound intelligent. He's running out of steam. He's on the ropes. He's starting to sound like your old senile uncle at the family reunion who starts telling a story, and eventually loses his train of thought, causing his to spout a bunch of nonsense before trailing off....

Wait a minute...where did this W summit come from? I haven't heard him mention a summit until Kerry did. Did W just gank the summit idea from Kerry before our very eyes?!!!

I've got it. W's "default" face looks like Dana Carvey when he's playing The Church Lady...

Well, you heard it here first: W doesn't approve of changing positions. I wonder how Laura feels about this...

Nice touch, Kerry. "Do not confuse the war with the warriors." That's something everyone needs to remember...

Eww..Kerry just did a website plug. That's kinda tacky....

Don't really believe Kerry when he vows to "hunt and kill the terrorists". W's always got that glint in his eye when he says it. You don't F with a glint! But Kerry...he's gotta practice in front of the mirror between now and November...

"Pottery Barn Rule" That's cute....

I swear, I haven't heard freedom bandied about as a tangible good this much since I watched all those episodes of "G.I.Joe"...

Wow, Kerry just pulled a "Clinton". While W was getting riled, Kerry popped a sly grin at somebody in the audience. Somebody better keep an eye on his cigars....

W's getting all squinty. You know he's in troublee when the squinting starts...

Uh-oh, W's going after the Nerd Vote by knocking the notion of "international popularity"...

Hehe, he can't pronounce "peninsula"....

Ohh...that was a good 4 seconds of silence....

Still saying "nucular". You'd think someone would've corrected him by now. It's been FOUR YRS!!!

Kerry's done his homework. Very impressive...

W's getting whiny...

I'm sorry, but $200 million ain't that much money, in terms of aid. Hell, it cost Kevin Costner more than that to make "Waterworld"...

W's rambling again....loaded, fake compliments. Oh yeah, YALE SUCKS!

"You can be certain and be wrong." So true...

Stop riding coattails, W!

Not digging the redneck pronunciation of "Vladimir"...

"Putin" still makes me laugh when I hear it...

"I'm a pretty calm guy...I don't take it personally..." You lie!

Why is it, during his closing statement, Kerry reminded me of a cracked-out, alternate reality version of Jay Leno? Yes, I'm weird, OK?

"We will fight the terrorists around the world..." Once again, that's the same promise "G.I.Joe" used to make. Now, I know where the Bush camp is getting its motivation!

Eww...W just asked for our vote...just as tacky as Kerry's website plug


AND THE WINNAH!!!!
For polish, tact, and diplomacy, I say Kerry

BUT

For passion, moxie, and sheer entertainment, I say W

So, we're just gonna have to shelve this and go for best 2 out of 3!

To be continued....

Posted by William @ 9/30/2004 09:11:26 PM
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OK, let's talk late-nite.

A big deal was made the other night on The Tonight Show's 50th anniversay episode. What happened? Well, Jay Leno passed the torch to Conan. Yup, in 5 yrs (2009), Jay will step down as host so Conan can take over. He was very humble and made a speech about how friendships had been strained back in '92 when he was chosen over Letterman to take over for Johnny Carson. And how he hoped to avoid that kind of drama again by this making announcement in advance.

Well, as altruistic and monumental as this may seem, there's another side to thise tale. It's not like Jay was being selfless. What probably happened was this: The NBC execs called Jay into their office and said, "Look, you've done a great job over the past 12 yrs, and we're really appreciative. But you see, in about five yrs, we're thinking of going in a whole new direction. Conan's really been proving himself in the 12:30 slot, and well, we think it's time for him to get the main stage. But thanks for all you've done. Give our love to Mavis."

So Leno basically got fired, but put a really good pin on it at just the right milestone. There are background reasons for this whole thing, as follow:

Craig Kilborn stepped down as host of The Late Late Show on CBS about a month ago. Since no permanent host has been found, rumors pointed to CBS trying to recruit Conan to fill the spot. Conan's contract is up soon, and it's common knowledge that he's getting antsy in the 12:30 AM timeslot. Now, here's where it gets tricky. It was believed that Letterman would step down before Leno, giving Conan the best shot at an earlier timeslot if he jumped ship to CBS. So, to protect their investment, NBC let Conan know that the slot would be opening up soon on their network, and they even sealed the deal by giving him a date: Sept. 2005. This was enough to keep Conan happy at the "G.E. Network".

Now, what do I think about the whole thing? Kinda tacky. I didn't feel it was necessary. Conan still has to sit tight for the next 5 yrs. And what if Jay dies? A LOT can happen in 5 yrs. Also, I feel part of the charm of Conan's humor revolves around the timeslot. He can get away with a lot more at 12:30 than he could at 11;30. No more Masturbating Bear. Or Pimpbot. He was always kinda edgy, while Jay's kinda stale. You see the punchlines coming, and it's like he's really dependent upon them these days. Almost like "Please laugh..."

So, 2009 Is the Year of the Conan. Guess we'll just have to wait and see what happens. Oh, and Jay? Thanks for the memories....

Posted by William @ 9/30/2004 01:54:47 AM
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This Episode: "Westman: Disassembled - The Final Cut"

Previously: Two managers went on vacation at the same time, leaving one manager, Susan, to have to stretch for a stint of about 10 days. With this clusterfuck of a scheduling job, the blameless are nowhere to be found, and I find myself somewhat deputized as a pseudo-Asst. Manager. As a result, I also begin to strecth, my days going from standard 8 hrs to 14 hrs. It wasn't about the money. Eventually, you come to a point in life where you no longer have a price. You can't be bought. I was there because it was the right thing to do, and I didn't want to abandon Susan. She didn't ask to be in that situation, and the least I could do was be there, if only for moral support. As the days roll by, the stress increases. Everything that could go bad, has, such as power outages, shoplift attempts, flakey employees, register shortages, and abandonment by the head honchos at corporate. We come to realize that help isn't coming, so we brace ourselves for the rest of the wild ride. This is what happened on the final day of our stretch...

The store opened at 10, just like it did the day before, and like it will the day after. I was "running racks" along with my colleague, Jeff. Our job was to put the previous night's clothes back in their respective depts. Why is it, around 10:15, a trio of young Black guys comes into the store, in sort of a V-formation? Yeah, I'm profiling, but it's done for a reason. I saw them go back into the Men's dept, but I was really too groggy to care. I don't really wake up until about 1 PM, so anything before that is kinda like a dream.

So, I continue running my clothes, when one of the guys kinda eyes me, and says "'Sup?" I kinda nod at him, but really don't pay him any mind 'cause I hate customers. So, he pretends to look at a few womens clothes, which i note as peculiar, but really don't care yet because, Hey, maybe he's one of those Down Low gay guys I've been reading so much about these days. Next thing I know, the phone rings...

I go over to answer, but no one's on the other end. I say, "Hello? Hello?" but there's no response. So, once I hang up, I notice Jeff coming over to me, with an empty pant hanger in hand. "We got lifted," he says. I look over, and The Three A-Negroes are definitely gone. Not sure if the whole phone call thing had anything to do with them, or if it was just a diversion, but we had definitely been lifted.

Let's be real. H&M's easy's to steal from. I'm not condoning it, nor am I telling anyone anything they didn't already know. The shit's cheap. If you wanna risk prosecution for that shit, I pity you, but hey, "To each, his own..."

This was just the beginning of the days drama, though...

While we try to figure out what had gone wrong, Demetrius, the cleaning guy, comes over and tells us that some old guy had fallen near the mall's escalator. Apparently, he had witnessed it, and now there was a crowd forming around the guy. "I had to share it with somebody!" he told us. Well, these things are like car accidents, and you HAVE to see what's going on. I couldn't leave the store, so Jeff went out to see what was going on. Sure enough, some old guy had fallen and they wouldn't let him get up. We knew this sucked for the old guy, but c'mon, you had to laugh a little. Well, those were chuckles I'd be paying for soon enough...

About an hr later, after we'd told Susan about the morning's events, Jeff and I noticed another guy in the Men's dept. with a whole bunch of shopping bags. He was kinda watching him, but I was busy and also pretty convinced that there was no way we'd be ganked twice in the same morning. Next thing I knew, here comes Jeff with another jeans hanger. "I refuse to believe that guy stole anything!" I said. Yes, there was a hanger, and yes, he'd been in the department, and yes, he had the bags, but I couldn't believe life worked like that. I COULD NOT believe that.

It was like we were being studied and targeted. Everything up to this day had been trying, and we were slowly dragging across the finish line of our stretch days. We couldn't take anymore. It was the WORST possible day for us, staffing-wise. It was just me and Jeff on the floor. No one to watch the blindspots. No one to watch customers. Just the two of us, and we couldn't make it if we tried...

So, it's about noon now, and we've had an old man fall, and two shopliftings...It was gonna be "one of those days"...

Well, I've told people that, as bad as the customers are, I've yet to have my own irate, disagrreable customer. In fact, I'd welcomed it, 'cause as smary as I can be, I couldn't wait to tell off some old bitch. Well, Hate, as I suppose Love, comes when you're not looking for it. And I wasn't ready for it today.

I had jumped on the register to help Jeff out, and this guy came up who wanted to return a fleece for his girlfriend. He had her credit card and all, but I'm not allowed to swipe a card without ID. I told him this, and he blows up, "This is the most ridiculous thing I've heard all day! If I'd known that, I'd have gotten her ID as I left this morning!"

I proceed to tell him that, honestly, I couldn't have done it WITH the ID. She really needed to be there with her card. I can't do anything with a CC without ID and the cardholder needs to be present.

"That's not what you just told me! You told me something different before! Get me the manager, 'cause you're obviously not him!"

He's all huffing and puffing, and pissing me off to boot.

"The manager's not available, so you'll have to wait."

"I don't care where she is, get her out here!"

"Look," I said, "you don't have the ID, and your gf's not here. It's a moot point. It's done!"

"I want the manager!"

"She's in a meeting!"

"I don't care. I'll wait"

"You're gonna have to wait!"

"I'll WAIT!"

"Then, WAIT!"

"Hey, there's no need to give me attitude!"

"Actually, SIR, you're the one giving ME attitude!"

He starts to grumble, but I hear him call me an asshole. I wanted to jump over the counter and kick his ass. i mean beat his ass. Not just for me, but for every other stupid injustice in the world over the ages. I wanted to beat him for shit I didn't even care about. I wanted to beat him for shit he hadn't even anything to do with. I wanted to beat him for slavery. i wanted to beat him for the atrocities that befell the Native Americans. I wanted to beat him for the cancellation of Knight Rider. But most of all, i just wanted to beat him. There were tears welling up, and I just wanted his blood. Somehow, I kept my composure, as he stood there, waiting for a manager.

He tired of waiting, and began to ask Jeff for the number for Corporate. Well, two things, dipshit! NONE of us know the number to corporate. Hell, maybe that's something he could help ME with! Secondly, Corporate gives two shits about customers. They're the ones who tell us to be like this! You think you're gonna find a European that promotes politeness?!! Good luck, bitch! So, of course, Jeff has to ask me, and I give him the standard, "Go to the website, hm.com" He just kinda ignored me.

Suddenly, Caroline walks in. Another manager. The stretch is over. But I didn't feel like celebrating. I just needed someone to take care of this asshole so I didn't have to see his ugly ass anymore. Girlfriend, my ass! Ohh..so many things went through my head. "Apparently, she's not with you for your personality," I thought. But the time for smarmy was over. The way i'd be happy was feeling my fist go into his eye.

Caroline talks to him, and he changes his tune with her. No mention of calling me an asshole or anything. She proceeds to tell him how it's our policy, and I figure he's gonna kirk out on her, too. I was preparing my smug smile, followed by a "Who's the asshole now?", but the next thing I knew, she was doing the return like we're NOT supposed to do. It's a fucking liability issue. She fucking sold out.

This, folks, is why I hate this place. I deal with sons-of-bitches like this everyday, but it never escalates to this point. And the customer is NOT always right. At H&M, the customer wants something for nothing. I'd understand if my clientelle matched my merchandise. Meaning, I'd much rather deal with ghetto-ass people buying $4.90 spandex tops than deal with rich, fat, W.A.S.P.'s trying to haggle on a $4.90 spandex top. And we're taught all this stuff about what we are and aren't to do, only to be punked by a manager who "breaks the rules just this once" to make some asshole happy. If this is what retail's all about, count me out. I was about to walk out.

Susan knows me, and knew that i was MAJORLY upset about it. She and Caroline took me into the office, and tried to calm me down. Starting telling me how much of an asset I was to them, etc. Then, they mentioned something that surprised me. Something I wasn't really ready for. It was meant to cheer me up. Did it? Yes. I mean, it had been a LONG 10 days, but the war was finally over. Susan and I could resume our lives. I was glad Caroline was back to alleviate the burden, but this new nugget, this was more than a carrot being dangled. This was, to quote a cliche, "An offer I couldn't refuse."

What was it? Well, I can't say right now... Why? because it's too soon, and nothing's set in stone. Also, because someone who may be reading this site might be in for a rude awakening. And, because I LOVE a good dangling plotline. So, stay tuned, 'cause I'm gonna reveal "the offer" very soon...

Posted by William @ 9/26/2004 08:52:27 PM
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Woot! After 8 long months of promise, the mp3s are finally active. All of them. Well, all except for "Lean on Me", but we'll deal with that later. There are several others to download for the moment. But, as a disclaimer, i ONLY guarantee the quality of the tracks labeled "Highly Recommended". All others, are bootleg and at your own risk! C'mon, download 'em all! You know you want to!

Posted by William @ 9/26/2004 08:35:16 PM
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OK, confession time. Despite the teaser and the anticipation, there will be no follow-up to "Westman: Disassembled". In my "Dan Rather moment", I must say that as exciting as the whole thing sounded, I couldn't, for the life of me, find a way to make a whole entry as entertaining as the teaser made it out to be. Yeah, the Unrealibles didn't show, and I had to work their hours. Big whoop! It happens every other day. Yeah, there was a power outage, which lasted for about 3 minutes. The shoplifter got away, and while there was a tornado, it came nowhere near H&M. But I sure had ya going, didn't I? Anyway, it WAS an exciting time, but over the past week, the anxiety has worn off, and I can't really remember what was so thrilling about it. So, we're gonna scrap that "episode" and come up with something better. This experience will just teach me to stop predicting life, and only post it when it happens. So, with that in mind, stay tuned for the NEW "Westman: Disassembled". Same theme, different vibe...(yeah, I don't really learn from my mistakes, but the coming tale's a doozy!)

Posted by William @ 9/26/2004 08:14:27 PM
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Comics Wisdom, this time courtesy of "Birds of Prey"

Savant: "I rather thought she'd be pleased. I must admit, I don't understand females at all."

Creote: "If it helps, Mister Savant...I believe they were sent here by The Devil."

Posted by William @ 9/26/2004 08:12:45 PM
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"I never thought I'd live to see eighteen. Isn't that dumb? Every day, I look in the mirror and say, 'What? You Still here? Man!'

Like even today. I woke up this morning, you know? And the sun was shining and everything was nice, and I thought...this is going to be one terrific day, so you better live it up, boy...because tomorrow maybe you'll be gone."

-James Dean
Rebel Without A Cause

Posted by William @ 9/26/2004 07:34:37 PM
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Wow...this is post #250. It's seems that celebration is in order. Unfortunately, I'm too tired. i've been working 14-hr days, and I haven't the energy to blog. So, I leave you with a teaser for the next episode: "Westman: Disassembled!"

"What happens when H&M's Unreliables skip work? Who will bear the burden? Will it be our hero, Will? And what's this talk of him on the verge of a nervous breakdown? Add in a shoplifter, missing managers, and a power outage, and you've got the setting for "Westman: Disassembled!" Oh yeah, did we also mention that a tornado's headed straight for H&M? Stay tuned, because just when you think things can't get any worse...they do!"

Posted by William @ 9/19/2004 09:00:17 PM
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I can be such an inappropriate dork, but sometimes I just can't help it..

Today, a girl came to the register, and as I swiped her card, I noticed her name was "Xiaxou".

"How do you pronounce that?" I asked.

"ZI-zoo," she responded.

"Now, I know!" I exclaimed.

She looked at me funny.

"Well, ya see," I explained, "there's this video game character whose name is spelled the same way, and I've been trying pronounce it for years..."

She looked at me, uncomfortably...

"...Tekken," I stammered. "The game is 'Tekken'...in case you were wondering. Well, have a good day..."

"...thanks..." And she quickly walked away. Actually, she performed a 16-hit combo on me. THEN, she walked away...

Oh well, at least I learned something :-P

Posted by William @ 9/18/2004 04:32:42 AM
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OK, so the Bush campaign posted the "Sloganator" on their site, which allowed anyone to create their own PDF pro-Bush campaign poster, with the slogan of their choosing. Well, a LOT of anti-Bush folks got ahold of it, creating some VERY funny posters, thereby pissing off the Prez. This prompted the Bush camp to remove the custom slogan option from the poster creator. Now, you can only make a poster containing your state name and political group.

But worry not, folks! Thanks to Wonkette, there's a little memorial to the Sloganator that you HAVE to see!

Friggin' HI-LARIOUS! I wish i'd known about this while the Bush site was still active...


http://homepages.nyu.edu/~meo232/sloganator/

Posted by William @ 9/16/2004 12:37:42 AM
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Wow, 2 gay guys on The Real World! Can they DO that? Won't that void their contract with IKEA or something? I mean, one gay guy, that's representation. Two? That's plain crazy! What's next season? Three Black kids?!!! The balance is off! Something must be done!

Karamo sure threw me for a loop. I didn't see that coming. Wow. I usually hate this show, but this season..Wow!

And why's the dude named "Willi"? In fact, why were there TWO gay William references tonight?!!

I was sitting there, and the way my life's going these days, I envisioned what it would be like to be in the Real World house. You know, we all move in, I'm looking around for the gay guy, and when i bring it up, everyone looks at me. They're all like, "Aren't you the gay guy?"Yup, I was the gay guy for that house. Man, that would suck!

And Willi was on "Ghostwriter"! Wow, out of all the "Where Are They Now" cases, I NEVER thought I'd be watching a gay ex-Ghostwriter team member gettin' his on The Real World! Life is a funny bitch.

Anyway...what else? Oh yeah, Black chick, whatever her name is, not that hot. They can say whatever they want, but she ain't. Melanie? A cutie. Straight sexy. Then again, i've never met a Melanie I didn't like...

Can't wait til tomorrow's episode!

BTW, "Terror Behind The Wheel" was scrapped as an episode. Not enough material. I've gotta train a bunch of new hires tomorrow, so i'm sure something amusing will come from that.

Posted by William @ 9/14/2004 12:22:28 AM
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So, I'm messing around, reading the City Paper "I Saw You Ads", and i found what I believe to be THE WORST icebreaker of all time, when searching for a date. This is someone's actual Personals ad. Let's see if you agree with me:

"1/4th of America has Herpes.....
So why is it so hard for me to find a date? I guess you have guessed it...yes..im included in the 1 in 4. Im basically a cute..sexy..intelligent..very ordinary yet extremely extrordinary girl with a little more adversity than the next. I enjoy movies..dinner..clubs..reading..or blockbuster nights..depends on my mood. Im very open minded..educated and completly down to earth. Im looking for someone honest, ambitious, witty, and outgoing."

If you're like me, you probably stopped reading after the first line. Well, after the second line, which is where she actually confirmed she HAD herpes! I would PAY to know who responds to this ad. i know "honesty is the best policy", but DAMN! And her name is "August_Flame". Sweetie, when dealing with herpes, anything pertaining to "flame" or "flare up"...not the best idea!

I think someone's been a little too empowered by all those Valtrex commercials. I knew those things were bad. Anytime you show a herpes sufferer skydiving, you're giving false hope. For a while there, I WANTED herpes, just 'cause those commercials made me think Valtrex takers could do the impossible. Man, what a twisted post this has become...

Posted by William @ 9/13/2004 10:49:38 PM
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Well, here it is, folks! September 13th. As any pop culture afficionado knows, today is the begining of the syndicated television season. Forget all the network hype surrounding "Joey" and "The Apprentice" and "Lost". Today brings us new episodes of "elimiDATE", "Blind Date", "Ambush Makeover" and "Starting Over."

For the UPN crowd, "Girlfriends" is now five days a week. It's Black-tastic! Or is it Black-tacular? Either way, it's Black...

There are a couple of new shows that won't make it to Christmas, like "The Tony Danza Show", "The Larry Elder Show", and "Live Like A Star." if history's taught us anything, shows named after their star tend not to last long. It's almost like they didn't try:

"What are we gonna call this thing?"
"I dunno....what's the dude's name?" "
"Tony Danza..."
"Who?"
"You know...he's the guy who's the boss...'
"Springsteen?"
"No, the 'other boss.' You know...'Angela...Mona...Jonathan...Saman-ta..' C'mon, he used to say, 'A-oh, Oh-A!'"
"Yeah...whatever...we'll just call it the Tony Banta show, then."
"'Danza'...'Tony Danza'.."
"Whatever...."

On a side note, I know this is a talk show, but has Tony Danza EVER played a character NOT named 'Tony'? It's like they were afraid he'd forget his lines if he had to answer to any name other than his own. Anyway...

Some old pros are back, like Dr. Phil and Oprah. Speaking of Oprah, you know that crazy bitch gave every member of today's studio audience a NEW CAR?!!! That's one crazy bitch...

But, as with all syndicated seasons, some shows must die so that others may live. This Fall, we say goodbye to "On Air: with Ryan Seacrest", "Ricki Lake", "Ex-Treme Dating", and "The 5th Wheel".

So, take a sick day from work, stay up real late at night, or set your Tivo, 'cause the syndy season is off and running!

Posted by William @ 9/13/2004 10:12:23 PM
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Yah for Batman! I'm too busy to actually READ the news, so i just kinda skim it, hoping I can get some sense out of what I find. Anyway, Batman apparently gave the British authorities a good rogering by protesting outside the palace. Not really sure what it was for. Don't really care. It's BATMAN! Keep up the good work, Caped Crusader!

Posted by William @ 9/13/2004 10:02:20 PM
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What's the deal with "Fear Factor"? In the beginning, it was basically, "I'm scared of spiders, so i really hope they don't put me in a tank with spiders." Surprise! Spider Tank!

Now, it's "Man, I really hope i can get out of these handcuffs before the car I'm in, which happens to be harnessed to the side of a building, slips, crashes and explodes!"

And why is it they only use hotty-hot people? Are these the actual fears of the aesthetically-elite? And to think that everyone thought there was no downside to beauty...

Posted by William @ 9/13/2004 09:58:31 PM
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This episode: "Hair of the Dog...": Two-Part Season Premiere
Special Guest Star: Davis
Introducing: Erica

So, it all started Friday night. Right after H&M lowered its gate to customers, I got a call from Davis. Not supposed to have a cell phone on the floor. But I'm a rebel. Rules are for missionaries and sweepstakes. Plus, the store was closed. Anyway, where was I? Oh yeah, call from Davis...

So, he tells me he'd met a Hooters girl the prior week and she was throwing a party. All I heard was "Hooters" and "party". I was still kicking myself for missing the Polly Esther's "Girls Gone Wild" party 2 weeks ago, so this would fill that void...

So, I finish working, he picks me up, we proceed to DC to find this party. Hooters Girl has a name, which is Erica, and it turns out this party is a surprise for one of her friend's birthday. So, we get there, and she just happens to be in the lobby. Adorable girl, and very friendly, to boot. So, we go upstairs to the party, but alas, t'is be no Hooters party I envisoned. Instead, for all you Cornell kids out there, it was a Risley party. No short shorts or dumb blondes. Instead, it was a very Urban Outfitters crowd. You know, the kind of people you don't feel cool enough to actually hang out with? The kind who are always kinda hovering on some cooler plane of existence than you? Yeah, those people...But they were cool. And boy could they drink.

Anyway, the minute we get in the door, we meet the birthday girl, and partake of the "birthday shot". Don't ask me what it was, but it was green and it was good. But very few safe things are green in hue. I sort of remember making an Ecto Cooler reference. We went up to the roof, I watched them smoke, while I moved on to beer.

Sidebar: In college, I hated beer. It was for commoners. Keith had forever ruined me by introducing me to the drinking world with the lovely creation known as Seven & Seven. From that moment on, I was a mixed drink kid. No beer for me. Beer was for construction workers and gullible sorority girls...

Well, now I have seen the light, and beer's been getting me a lot drunker than any of those mixed drinks ever did. So, they're smoking, I'm drinking, we discuss cell phone horror stories, City Papaer "I Saw You" ads, and the interlibrary loan system. But like I said, awesome people! I really mean that. I mean, Erica could debate Star Trek and anime! Something about that ain't normal, but it's oh so nice. So, we go back inside. I'm on beer # 2. Wich eventually leads to #3. Keep in mind, I haven't eaten in 6 hrs...Suddenly, I had an epiphany: I think I've had enough to drink. Seriously, I don't remember ever feeling that way in the past, but I had hit a wall. i had reached a point where I felt it was no longer a good idea for me to drink. Not sure if it was my Spidey-Sense or what, but to drink anything else would've been a bad idea...

So, Davis' friend from high school is a senior at UofMD, and he has a house..so, you do the math. So, I'm about to be the old guy at the house party. Before we leave the first party, Erica doesn't finish her beer, and Davis just offhandedly says, "Here, Will. You finish it." It was only half full, so I went against my vow, and imbibed a bit more, finishing the bottle. "That's it," I told myself.

Now, for the good stuff...Davis, Erica, and I are driving to College Park, trying to figure out if we're going the right direction. Cops are everywhere 'cause the semester just started. We stop at a light, and the cops just happen to be behind us. Davis then says, "I hope they don't decide to run my tags or something back there." Why? Because he just sold his old car, and had the 15-day tags for the new car he was driving. But wait, there's more! The temp tags had expired, so his friend had given him his mom's tags to use, until all the legal stuff was straightened out regarding sale of previous car, etc. Long story short, "stolen tags" on car we're in. Yeah....

Cue lights. Cops pull us over right after we get through the light. I'm too drunk to really be freaked or nervous. Erica was surprisingly calm. In fact, I think we all handled it very well. But who should call my cell at that exact moment? Natalie. Yup, all the stars were out tonight, folks. Well, I wasn't gonna rsk getting shot asnwering my phone, so Nat had to wait. Davis explained the situation to the officers, and they were really cool about it. They were gonna write a $255 ticket, but he had the old tags with him, so they just told him to pull into a parking lot and put them back on.

So, reattached tags, car in motion, we find the house, and it's your standard teen movie college party. Although, the crowd seemed really young. I guess it was predomintantly freshmen. You ever realize how young they look? I mean, really...So, I kinda just went to the kitchen to chill. But then I saw it: the Kegerator. I mean, it's a refrigerator filled with beer! A monstrosity of this magnitude must be explored. So, I have a beer. No harm, no foul. I just kinda lean back against the counter, 'cause i wasn't in "walking shape". Then, all these stoner white dudes kept coming up to me, like, "What's up man?! You missin' the party!" I was like, "The party's right here. I'm just chillin'." They'd fire back with, "I hear you man. I got you!". So, to deal with this, I had Kegerator beers #2, #3, and then I lost count...

I kinda remember dancing with Erica, and we both complimented the other's moves. As for the ride home, no clue. Passed completely out. I remember Davis saying, "Will, we're here." I was like, "Where's here?" He responded, "Your house!" I opened my eyes, and said, "Well, I'll be...that IS my house!" I stumbled out of the car, said goodnight to Erica and Davis. I stumbled into my house, somehow managed to take out my contacts, and passed out right in my clothes...

End of Part One

Part Two
Special Guest Stars: Shelly, Bruce, Susan, and Christina

So, Saturday morning. I wake up to the alarm. Crap, I missed the premiere of "The Batman". I knew something was wrong with me when that didn't really register on my care-o-meter...

That's when I noticed I was still dressed. Random Wolverine-like flashbacks started creeping in regarding the night before. Then it hit me: I might be hungover...."Whatever you do, do it slowly", I told myself. No need to conjure up the juices if I didn't have to. So, I just kinda stayed down for a few mintues, testing to see if I was gonna be sick. I've only been hungover thrice in my life, so I never quite know what to do in these situations.

I sit up, and it hits me. I feel sick. I run to the bathroom, nauseous, but nothing happens. But I know it's on its way; timing is everything!

I have this thing where running water soothes me, so I turned on the faucet, and just kinda knelt down, praying & begging to get this over with quickly. Eventually, I pseudo-threw up, but it was more gagging than anything. And I knew the show wasn't over yet. So, I kinda sat on the bathroom floor for about an hr. Water running the whole time. Feeling sicker than i ever have. Begging for death.

During one stretch of this marathon, I was on the floor, and my mother tried to come in to tell me she was ging to the bank. Keep in mind, she had no idea what was going on, and my foot kinda stopped her from being able to open the door. Regardless, she somehow saw some part of me on the floor, and was all worried. I told her I just didn't feel well, and I was just resting....

I finally mustered the energy to shower. And that's when the fun started. Once again, found myself kneeling, not really in control of the situation or the processes going on. But I actually felt better when it was all over. I swear, WORSE HANGOVER EVER. So, I get dressed, and decide to lie down before leaving for work. Bad idea. Stomach churns. Spidey-Sense tells me "run to the bathroom", and when it speaks, you'd best obey! I got there just in time. BLORRCH!! What do ya know? Green. Remember what i said about green earlier? Nothing good/safe ever comes in the hue of green! yeah, I guess I should've warned that this was gonna be graphic....

So, Mommy takes me to work, and I kinda stumble out of the car. I get inside, and everyone's like, "Man, you look WRECKED!" Luckily, my shift began in the stockroom, so i didn't have to deal with customers. But word traveled about my sickly nature, so i quickly became the staff joke; the lastest museum exhibit: "Go see Will! He looks like shit!"

And I had my mind set on leaving and just coming home. But how? Mommy didn't know I was drunk, and she'd be pissed if she had to come back and get me. And I'd probably die on the bus. So, I had to figure out if I could really survive the evening. Shelly was really cool about it, which helped. I mean, I felt bad about being in this state at work. Not exactly professional, plus we had a new girl starting. I just had no idea I would be this WRECKED. So, I alternated between working, running to the bathroom, and pseudo-blacking out. I was in BAD SHAPE.

Thankfully, Bruce agreed to take my shift in the fitting room, and i was able to hide a bit longer. I'm not sure what happened, but in this final hour, I got my strength back. I know there are some moments I can't account for, but next thing I knew, I was back. And it felt good. And I swore, "Never again!" Which is funny, 'cause about 3 hrs later, I was thinking, "I could really use a drink right now..." Oh, I'm such a Tony Stark!

So, after work, Susan, Christina and I went to Dave & Busters. We were all starving, and I figured it'd be a good idea, since we didn't get out of H&M til about midnight. It was really a good time. Susan kept heckling me about the night before. I never should've used the words "Hooter's Girl" around her. She's never gonna let that go. I hadn't even MET Erica when I'd told Susan I was going to the party (she was present when I got Davis's call), so I didn't have a name to go on, but she thinks I was just drinking to impress this girl. No, I was drinking to....well I don't really HAVE a reason for all the drinking, but I was impressing NO ONE...

Anyway, I've hung out with Susan before, and that's always cool, but it was great getting to know more about Christina. I mean, she's a beautiful person inside and out. With a GORGEOUS smile. She's been working at H&M for awhile, but I'd never really gotten much time to talk to her. Instead, I go through the whole kindergarten route of "I'm gonna get attention by picking on you"! I really need to stop that....But I KNOW what you're thinking, and NO. It's not like that...I'm still processing everything from Sapphic Summer '04, so I'm not about to go into "pursuit mode" anytime soon. I just think it'd be nice to have a museum buddy...

So, I kept my vow, and DIDN'T drink. In fact, I'm not sure if I will anytime soon. In the past, after my rare hangover, it's kept me away from alcohol for months on end. I don't see it having that drastic an effect, but we'll see...Anyway, this concludes our two-part season premiere. Stay tuned for tomorrow's episode: "Terror Behind The Wheel"! It's gonna be about drivin'!

Posted by William @ 9/13/2004 12:15:27 AM
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So, on this boring Sunday afternoon, I found myself dusting off the pile of stuff I got on Free Comic Day that I never got around to reading (Man, HOW long ago was that?!!). I stumbled upon a collection of webcomics that were pseudo-offensive, but hilarious. Yeah, I have a twisted sense of humor, and I'm not sure how well these'll translate to a blog, but allow me to share some of my findings with ya!

One comic, called "Chopping Block", was about Butch the Serial Killer...yeah, you can see where these is going...

Under one column, the caption read:

"As he signed the 'Anti-Death Sentence' petition, Butch was torn. If he killed the census taker, his opinion would never reach his Congressman. But if he didn't, he'd be kicking himself the rest of the day."

And my favorite:

"After running the amorous teens through with a wooden fencepost, Butch discovered they had been practicing 'safe sex'. Somehow, the irony escaped him."

Posted by William @ 9/12/2004 11:54:02 PM
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"Sometimes, when you reach for your dream, you find out how short your arms are..."
-Anon

Posted by William @ 9/12/2004 11:52:08 PM
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My Mommy's so cute and naive sometimes. What follows is a conversation we had just five minutes ago:

Mommy: "It's almost 12 o' clock. I need to go call my Honeypot!

Me: "You WHAT?!!!"

Mommy: (curiously)"...call my Honeypot..."

Me: Don't say that! It's derogatory! It doesn't mean what you think it does..."

Mommy: "That's what we used to call our Main Squeeze. Can you at least say "Main Squeeze" now? What does "honeypot" mean now? Toilet?"

Me: "...No, it means "vagina"...they use it in porn...not exactly something you wanna be saying out in public."

Mommy: "Whooo!" (dejectedly) "It's getting to the point where you can't say anything anymore without it meaning something bad!"

Me: "Yeah, well...let's just put that in your "only use in the house" category. In fact, I don't ever wanna hear you say that again! That's a fragment of my life I'll never get back now..."

Mommy: "Whoo...well, I sure didn't know THAT..."

Ain't she cute?

Posted by William @ 9/10/2004 12:06:39 AM
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I am LOVING "The Surreal Life" right now. Even though the show is known for being crap, this is the best season YET.

But before we get to that, let me just say that VH-1 was firing on all cylinders tonight. First off, I was PSYCHED for "Bands Reunited" starring New Kids on the Block. I was SHOCKED that Joey McIntyre was the first nail in the coffin. I thought for sure they'd get back together. I mean, c'mon, Jordan's the lynchpin, which is why they went after him first. Without Jordan would've been like having Nsync w/o Justin or BSB w/o Nick. The Knight Bros agreed, but everyone else refused. Man, that really threw me for a loop.

Then, Jordan, still loving the limelight, turned up on "The Surreal Life". Man, I am loving Flava Flav; he is cracking me up! And when he slapped Red Sonja...that was great! What is Brigitte Nielsen's problem, anyway? She really hasn't done jack in yrs, but she still acts like she's important. Sorry, sweetie...

And I wonder if they're gonna bring up the fact that Dave Coulier was the inspiration for every bitter track on Alanis's first album. That's a big deal, and it's a lot more important than asking him about the Olsen twins (which Flav did the minute he met Dave, pissing him off). It's also hilarious that Flav has no idea who anyone is in the house. He was too high back then to remember these people when they were famous.

Jordan started drama by blocking off his room so no one could bother him. They all got pissed, but I kinda understand...after all, he IS currently the most successful person in the house. Man, that's sad when you think about it....

Ryan Starr is REALLY disappointing me. The sexy rock vixen from American Idol is really just a sheep in wolf's clothing. She couldn't deal when the strippers came out, and she's really just a hot prude...

And Charro....what can i say about that woman? Coochie-coochie, indeed! I don't care how old she is, she's still got it. And she holds the record for most appearances on "Love Boat" (21, btw). I would still show her something "exciting and new"! Well, can't wait for next week...

Posted by William @ 9/07/2004 11:43:42 PM
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OK, now I'm freaking out! My life is turning into an episode of "The Outer Limits". First, no one was answering my calls. Now, now it's like I don't exist!

A little backstory: Before williambrucewest.com was created, I had the blog entitled "The World According To A Russian Exchange Student". It was just your standard blog on a template. Well, I figured I'd still kinda have it existing on the side, while this site got the bulk of my attention.

Well, when I went to check on my first-born, I found this:

http://waynemanor.blogpsot.com

Can they do this?!!! They just reassign blog addresses like phone numbers? How long has this been going on? Well, apparently, since May 19, 2004. But why was I not told of this?!!! Who is this guy, and why are people trying to erase my existence?!!!

Posted by William @ 9/06/2004 01:54:12 AM
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Why is no one answering my calls?!!! Is this payback for all those calls I never answered? This is not cool...did I do something to you people? This is certainly very peculiar!

Posted by William @ 9/06/2004 01:39:43 AM
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So, at the moment, I'm very bald. As in no hair. Yeah, haircut gone awry. Anyway, I've learned that this look is not for everyone. Especially me. I look like a cast member from "Alien Nation". Anybody remember that show?

Speaking of obscure shows, anybody remember "Savannah"? It's been on my mind lately, for some odd reason. It was early WB, and it was basically Melrose Place set in Georgia 'cause there's this Yankee misconception that everyone's doing it in the South 'cause it's so hot and there's nothing else to do...

And speaking of the WB, how the Hell long are they gonna keep calling it "The WB's New Tuesday Night"? For Pete's sake, it's been around since 1999. How long can you officially call something new?!! Is this just a ploy to get more people to watch "Gilmore Girls"?

Posted by William @ 9/05/2004 02:50:30 AM
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Today was so weird at work because it suddenly turned into a sleepover gossip session. Not like that, but I mean the stockroom turned into an episode of SATC as me and the gals started trading relationship stories. Actually, very little "trading" was done on my part. I just egged them on to tell me their business. I love how that works...

Anyway, I learned more about those women than I'd ever known before, especially the quiet ones. I heard stories of sitcom-like proposals, several druggie exboyfriends, and several drunken mornings-after. I kinda feel closer to a lot of them than I did before.

And yes, I shared. it was only fair. I recounted a story that I haven't told in awhile, and it wasn't really easy to tell today. I kinda glossed over some stuff, but the gist was still there. Not sure if they gained any insight on me, but hey, it was there for their approval.

What story did I tell them? Well, you haven't earned that yet. You see, I've never posted about it directly, and it's not time yet. If you know me, then you know what I'm talking about. For those of you random site visitors in Paraguay, you're gonna have to wait a bit. One day, oh we're gonna have a big honking expose on the matter, but for now, it's not the right time. Stay tuned....

Posted by William @ 9/05/2004 02:40:31 AM
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My new favorite movie (yes, I realize I have a new fave movie every week these days) is "Shaolin Soccer". At first, I thought this thing was crap. I didn't really get it, and I thought it would be a little more...dramatic.

But come on, how can you make a dramatic movie about a bunch of former kung fu students who form a soccer team? I mean, this has "Jamaican Bobsled Team" written all over it!

After watching this thing more than 3 times over the past week, it has joined the ranks of "Office Space". Yes, folks. I said it. I put "Shaolin Soccer" in the same league as "Office Space". May the gods of comedy strike me down where I sit.

OK, the plot of the movie follows: Sing is a Kung Fu master who has studied the Super Kick of his hero, Bruce Lee. Sing sees Kung Fu all around him, and he feels that humanity would be better served if everyone could embrace Kung Fu in their lives and see how it is simply everywhere.

Sing struggles to find a way to spread the gospel of Kung Fu to the masses, and stumbles upon Iron Leg, a former soccer great who is now crippled and working as a servant for the nefarious coach of Team Evil, who is also the one who crippled him yrs ago. Desparate to make his mark on the world of soccer once again, Iron Leg is astounded when he witnesses Sing's awesome kick.
Sing becomes convinced that soccer is a good vehicle to get Kung Fu out to the masses, and he and Iron Leg set out to recruit his now-out-of-shape Kung Fu brothers. Hilarity ensues...

The special effects can be kinda "Matrix-y" at times, which most people seem to love. I think my only gripe is the fact that the ball is SO obviously CG at times. I mean, some of that stuff can't be done with a soccer ball, and I guess I should be thankful that there's technology that can get the job done. Also, some of the effects are very "Power Rangers" in caliber. Don't get me wrong, PR effects have improved by leaps and bounds over the years, so we're talking more PR: Wild Force than we are MMPR.

Anyway, go out and rent this movie. It's definitely got an absurd bent that I do so love. I guess it'd be more fitting for me to put it in the same category as "Napoleon Dynamite", but I figured I needed to name a movie everybody loved, like "Office Space" to convice you to check it out. So check out "Shaolin Soccer" now, bitch!

Posted by William @ 9/05/2004 02:19:39 AM
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Wow, I'm visitor #1223 to my own site. That's my birthday. How's coincidental....how quaint! What are the odds, eh?

(I hope nobody realizes I hit my own site 1222 times before this just for this little "coincidence" to work out! Those suckers! They'll never figure it out....wait a minute...when you type it, it's no longer a "whisper". In fact, people can read this even though it's in parentheses...And here I thought I was simply mumbling to myself...I think my plan has been foiled....turn myself in, or flee through the emergency hatch? Hatch it is!)

Posted by William @ 9/05/2004 02:08:37 AM
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My profile on thefacebook.com contains the following quote by Harvey Pekar:

"When I was younger, I thought about women constantly. I was always running around looking for a good time. Now I've matured, my priorities have changed. I'm aware of what's really important: Crushing My Enemies."

People always laugh at this and say, "Wow, Will! You sure are weird/funny!" Well, what most people don't know is I'm a spiteful so-and-so! I wholeheartedly agree with this quote. I am a vengeful person, and I hold a grudge like no other.

As I reflect back on life, I think back to all the people who say, "Wow, Will's so nice" or "Will's so funny" or "Will's so sweet"!

Yes, I realize most of you are asking, "What's wrong with that? Those are all compliments!" Well, if you noticed, I wrote that people usually WRITE ME OFF with those statements. It's a way for them to validate the whole "Will's safe territory" mindset they've got. This is why I'm not appealing to girls. Or seen as "one of the guys".

If they only knew what really went on in my head. How I'd love to hear, "Wow, Will stepped on my entrails as I gurgled for life" or "Did you see how far Will kicked that kitten?"

Don't get me wrong, I'm not about to go buy a black trenchcoat or anything. I guess I'd just like to not be seen as "safe". I don't think of myself as such, so why do other people?

Posted by William @ 9/05/2004 01:51:51 AM
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Song of the Moment: "Best I Ever Had (Grey Sky Morning)", by Vertical Horizon

OK, before we get into lyrics, let me just point out that this doesn't pertain to any one specific person. In fact, it's more of a dedication to all the girls I've loved before. You know, how when you're in the whole relationship thing, that other person is the best thing since sliced bread? Then, in hindsight, once the dust has settled, you really start to wonder how true that was....after all, how can each one be the best thing you've ever had? I mean, there is the possibility that life's just getting better and better for you as it goes on, but is that really the case? Most likely not. We're all probably just jaded by the limerance and tingly feelings brought on by new love. So, this song speaks to a sort of amalgam of every relationship I've been in. Yeah, I thought each and every one of you was great at some point and time, but some of you backed that up with evidence, while others were great disappointments. I love this song because it works two different ways: to those you truly miss, it's sincere and longing, while to those you somewhat loathe, it's kind of cynical. As I tumble back into my annual Autumn Funk, these are the thoughts in my head:

"So you sailed away
Into a grey sky morning
Now I'm here to stay
Love can be so boring

Nothing's quite the same now
I just say your name now

[Chorus]
But it's not so bad
You're only the best I ever had
You don't want me back
You're just the best I ever had

So you stole my world
Now I'm just a phony
Remembering the girl
Leaves me down and lonely

Send it in a letter
Make yourself feel better

[Chorus]
But it's not so bad
You're only the best I ever had
You don't need me back
You're just the best I ever had

And it may take some time to
Patch me up inside
But I can't take it so I
Run away and hide
And I may find in time that
You were always right
You're always right

So you sailed away
Into a grey sky morning
Now I'm here to stay
Love can be so boring
What was it you wanted
Could it be I'm haunted

[Chorus]
But it's not so bad
You're only the best I ever had
I don't want you back
You're just the best I ever had
The best I ever had
The best I ever"

Posted by William @ 9/05/2004 01:41:05 AM
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So, I'm convinced that Celine Dion is a lot more talented in her native tongue of French. First off, the music's more...how do you say..."organic". Also, you don't have to listen to her ramble on and on about "lurve", as she calls it.

Anyway, to hear what I mean, I highly recommend you pick up her recent album, "1 fille & 4 types". You can get it at any music store, and I don't think you'll be disappointed....

What the Hell is "lurve"? You'd think when learning English, the one thing you would get right is "love". Ain't that the universal language?!! How'd she learn to mess up such a simple and universal concept?!! "lurve".....

Posted by William @ 9/05/2004 01:35:55 AM
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So, up to this point, I've had 227 posts. "Well there's no place like home, with your family around you, you're never alone..." You're only gonna get that reference if you're Black and over the age of 19. Anyway....

http://www.usatoday.com/money/industries/brokerage/2004-09-03-cantor-lawsuit_x.htm?csp=26&RM_Exclude=Juno

So, apparently Cantor Fitzgerald is suing al Qaeda...Can they DO that?!!!
If we could've taken this whole battle to the courtroom, we went about this ENTIRELY wrong!

All we needed was Matlock and Perry Mason on the case. Maybe bring in the OJ Dream Team and we'd have had this thing in the bag MONTHS ago! Whoda thunk you could sue terrorists?!!! And we didn't try this option in the beginning?!!! I'd love to see THAT episode of Judge Judy:

"Mr....whatever your name is, I really don't care at this point. Anyway, don't piss on my knee and tell me it's raining. Did you or did you not have a role in the 9/11 tragedy? Well, sir, Allah's not here to defend himself, so let's stay focused on you!"

Posted by William @ 9/05/2004 01:23:35 AM
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I just went to menoflastcall.com, and the pic that loaded was me and Lip at Straight Up. Man, that vest really made me look fat... Nah, that FAT made me look fat.

Anyway, I guess I'm just glad to know that pic's still in the system. Kinda like there's still something out there in the world that I did of which I can be proud...

Now, where did I put that cocaine?

Posted by William @ 9/03/2004 02:46:55 AM
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Boy, today sure sucked...

1) I didn't get that job. I didn't know if I could really do what they were asking, but I was willing to try. Anyway, the chick just kinda fumbled on my voicemail. The professional equivalent of "It's not you, it's me...". Man, if she'd mentioned that she was a lesbian, my life would've come full circle...

2) I burned my face using Magic Shave. For the uninformed, as a Black man, a razor is your worst enemy. Well, the Grand Dragon of the local KKK is your worst enemy, but a razor is a cross-burning distant second. So, there's this powder called "Magic Shave" that's a chemical which removes the hair. Anyway, leave it on too long, and it'll irritate your skin. I didn't realize how bad it was until I got to work, and noticed there was basically blood on the surface. It had take off a good bit of my epidermis. And it was predominantly just on the right side of my face. So, I spent the day looking like Two-Face, which burned until I numbed it with an icepack. It also didn't help that a guy at work called me "Firemarshall Bill". That asshole...

3) I lost my man! No, it's not what it sounds like. Well, I guess it is. Anyway, Cheesecake Factory guy's been spending a lot more time in H&M. But it's not for me! Apparently, he's met one of the authentic H&M ga...i mean, "guys"....Well, there goes that source of attention....

4) For the second week in a row, my comic total came to about $50. This is absurd. Especially when I think how these things used to cost a fraction of what they do now. Of course, I wasn't alive then, and the same could be said for gas and food, but still....why should 22 pages of colored paper cost $3.50? I've GOT to drop some titles....

5) I can't go to Boston anymore. I was planning on visiting Tarek for Labor Day, but H&M has fucked with my schedule as they're so prone to do. I need out. I can't take that job anymore. And I really needed that trip, too....

Posted by William @ 9/03/2004 12:57:46 AM
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So, i kinda stole the link for relationship test from Brian's blog (http://www.spuriousinterrupt.org/weblog/). Well, I must say I'm mighty surprised by the results, but it's pretty accurate. No, really, it is...

"You are a XSYG--Expressive Sentimental Physical Giver. This makes you a Sex Bomb.

You are sexy sex sex sex! The sexness! You are the sexiest, hottest and most charismatic of all types. You are a captivating speaker and a great dinner date -- relaxed, self-effacing, charming and generous. Your type probably has origins in something sad -- trying to keep the peace in a tough family situation, or an early heartbreak -- and you'll probably want to address and resolve that at some point, but in your relationships that heartache is pure gold!

You lie effortlessly -- not necessarily a bad thing. You can have problems with fidelity. You need frequent praise and validation, and in seeking it you can make decisions that aren't consistent with your general good judgment. In other words, don't cheat on your significant other just because someone is paying attention to you.

You strongly dislike conflict, and will avoid it. Like an XPYG, you give so much of yourself to your partner that you feel dismissed and unappreciated if you don't get the same in return. But you internalize your feelings more and have a hard time getting over them. You don't *want* to cheat -- you just keep finding yourself in vulnerable situations. But you'll stay with your partner in the long run from guilt and a desire to please.

Your sex life will always be hot. You are one of the rare people who can keep the fires of passion going forever -- if you find a good match. Find another XSYG and you will never need (or want) anyone else again.Of the 44686 people who have taken this quiz, 8.9 % are this type. "

Posted by William @ 9/03/2004 12:22:36 AM
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