 | ||
 |
Sunday, October 31, 2004
I wanna give a Halloween shout-out to The Dread Pirate Millie! You're hilarious, and it was a blast! Thanks for lettin' me play with your sword. Whoops, that's gonna start those rumors again...Anyway, I'll blog more when I figure out how to spin this :-P
Posted by William @ 10/31/2004 11:02:25 PM
For all you Trekkies out there, whining about how much "Enterprise" sucks, I've got news for ya. There's a better Trek show out there. It's called "Boston Legal". OK, so it's not officially a Star Trek show, and Yes, it IS a spin-off of "The Practice". But it's got Capatin James T. Kirk AND Odo! Yes, KIRK & ODO. So, they're not necessarily PLAYING Kirk & Odo, but it's the same actors, Bill Shatner & Rene Auberjunois. Just sit back and pretend it's a very elaborate Holodeck episode.
It's better than Trek. I swear, this is almost as good as watching Odo & Neelix on old episodes of "Benson"! You won't be disappointed! On second thought, you probably will...
Posted by William @ 10/31/2004 10:42:01 PM
*Cue Bombastic Synth Music*
Will: And Welcome to the 2004 Battle for Halloween Supremacy! Here we are at the half, and this yr's top contenders are Spider-Man and the Power Rangers. Liam: That's right, Will. It's been a banner yr for the wall-crawler. He's had a blockbuster sequel, along with the introduction of organic web-shooters in the comics. There doesn't seem to be any stopping Spidey this yr, and the kids are showing their support through their costumes! Will: So true, so true, Liam...But there are rumors of cheating going on in the Spider-Man camp. One must remember that a red ski mask does not a Spider-Man costume make! Also, the Power Rangers are entering their 11th yr as the #1 selling toy franchise amongst American boys, and they don't show any signs of losing steam! We've seen representation from several recent incarnations of the Rangers, from Wild Force, Ninja Storm, and Dino Thunder. When it comes to a packed roster, the Rangers definitely have the advantage! Liam: With that in mind, there's also a third contender that's been gaining a lot of attention recently. That's right, Batman's making a strong showing this yr, moreso than in the past five Halloween's. Will: That's a great point, Liam. The Caped Crusader has enjoyed a resurgence in popularity due to the debut of "The Batman", a new cartoon on Kids WB. It's a hit amongst the kids, and it shows by the amount of Bat ears in the crowd. While Bats didn't make the finals this yr, 2005 is shaping up to be the Year of the Bat. With a new movie on the horizon, there are strong predictions that Batman will be a top contender in this match-up next Halloween! Liam: There are also a couple of notes from this yr's match-up that were surprising. First up, contrary to predictions, there was a lack of Superman representation. It was believed that the passing of Christopher Reeve would inspire a tribute amongst the youngsters, but I guess it just goes to show that he was their Daddy's Superman. If something had happened to Tom Welling, it would have been an entirely different ballgame. It just goes to show the generation gap at play. Will: Speaking of generation gaps, we've gotta give honorable mention to the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. While believed to have been part of the 80's nostalgia hype, the Turtles have done a great job this season introducing their brand of pizza-eating, ninja justice to a new generation. While their post-season showing was nothing compared to Spidey or the Rangers, we've gotta give 'em credit for trying. As you can see by the crowd, there are a lot of folks out there who haven't forgotten the meaning of "Turtle Power!" Liam: (laughing) "Turtle Power", indeed! Well, it's anybody's game at this point. Spidey's played a fierce game, and there's been no escaping him this night. But there seems to be a Ranger lurking aroun every corner. This brings up the difference in playing styles. While Spidey's a wise-cracker, the Rangers tend to take the silent approach, except when Zords are in play. Since this one's for the title, there are no Zords allowed, causing the Rangers to rethink their gaming strategy. Will: It's too close to call right now, but it's definitely gonna be a long night. The judges are gonna have to work long into the night to come up with a ruling. It's just too close, but it's certainly one for the record books. I wouldn't be surprised if there was a call for a recount when all is said & done. In my 18 months of web journalism, I've never seen a match-up with such intensity. Liam: I concur, Will...I concur. Will: Well, that's all we have for now. Join us for the wrap-up after the game! *Cue Bombastic Synth Music*
Posted by William @ 10/31/2004 09:53:30 PM Friday, October 29, 2004
"Westman: Disassembled" Update
Previously on Westman: Our hero had learned that, while he was on track to become the new store administrator, Will's training destination would no longer be The City of Brotherly Love. Which is probably good, 'cause he didn't need any more rumors and theories concerning him...and love...and brothers. So, where would Will be spending his days & nights in November? Would he still make his per diem, enabling him to get out of debt? Would Lindsay Lohan make a good live-action "Kim Possible"? Find out the answers to most of these questions now! Cue theme song & opening credits (you know, I actually DID compose a theme song a few years back...crap, that was probably something I should've kept to myself. Crap, I think they can still hear us, Will. Must stop type-thinking...) So, it turns out that I'll be going back to Tysons Corner after all. But don't fret. The proletariat has won, for I will be receiving my per diem and hotel stay. So, it's like being on vacation at home. I mean, YES, it will be hard work. And I'm excited about learning new and important things. But it's also some time away from my house, where I can sort of get back to how I lived in college. Plus, as excited as I was about Philly, I wasn't really down with the idea of not seeing certain people for a whole month. Honestly, I just kinda wanted to see where the Real World kids hung out! So, I'm gonna kick back and accept that "everything happens for a reason". Ain't it funny that we only subscribe to addages like these when things are going well? Anyway, I trust that this is for the best, and at least I'll be close to all the people that I care about...
Posted by William @ 10/29/2004 02:25:58 AM
I think I've discovered the solution to better race relations. Brace Yourselves! And the cure is: Halloween.
This holiday has something for everyone! You see, I've come to realize that White people REALLY LOVE Halloween. They throw parties and dress up in elaborate costumes. Meanwhile, Black people LOVE free shit...They don't necessarily go all out for costumes. That $2 cape at CVS? That's perfect. Just enough to let the neighbors realize the little kids are trick or treating and NOT trying to rob their homes... I hate generalizations, really. But these observations have just jumped out at me. Soccer mom after soccer mom is constanly asking, "Do you know where I can find a wig? It's for my costume." or "Do you have this plaid top in a larger size? I'm going as Mary-Ann for Halloween." In the meantime, from my Nubian ("What's a Nubian?") compatriots, I get, "Y'all got layaway?" or" Ain't y'all got no coupons?" or, my personal fave, "Well, if it ain't scan, I guess it's free!" So, what have we learned? White people really enjoy the fun of Halloween, while Black people really like free shit... Where's my Nobel Prize?
Posted by William @ 10/29/2004 02:05:19 AM
OK, I think I've completed the "Race Traitor" blog series...
I am so NOT a race-centered, Black Power kind of person. Anyone can tell you this. My a cappella group members ROUTINELY reminded me "Hey, I'm Blacker than you, Will!" My fucking a cappella group! Can you imagine being punked by an a cappella group? That's like being an able-bodied, healthy person who loses the Special Olympics! That's wrong, I know. But I had to get the point across (Love you, Last Call!) I was the laughing stock of Cornell's Africana Dept because I wasn't Black enough. I was "pre-encounter" as they liked to call it. Well, fuck 'em. I bamboozled them into signing off on my joint major, and for a pre-encounter boy, I sure have a pretty certificate that says otherwise... I'm Black enough to get away with the jokes, and isn't that really all that matters? :-P Anyway, I'm not sure where all those posts came from. I think it was just stuff I always wanted to say, but felt I shouldn't. Anyway, I figure it's time to stop before Ossie Davis and his NAACP pals show up at my door, looking pissed. 'Cause you know what'll happen next: They'll kill me. But wait, there's more. Next, they'll make a movie about it. It'll be one of those BET Originals. AKA, "Shit not worth the film it's on, starring Shemar Moore." I swear, Shemar Moore is a beautiful man. Even I must admit that. He's like the male Halle Berry. But he couldn't act his way out of a Taiwanese whorehouse. For some reason, though, he's the modern day Robert Redford of Black Cinema, which, as I've already covered, means nothing. Anyway, I've gotten off track. So, they'll make a movie about how vile and brainwashed I was to spout such evil about my race. But here's the kicker. They'll create some random, non-existent character for Shemar to play. He'll be from the wrong side of the tracks, where they didn't celebrate Halloween and he'll really be into getting shit for free. They'll paint it like we grew up together or something. I mean, he brings in the female viewership, so he's a given. In the meantime, I'll, of course, be played by an aged Alfonso Ribiero. Yup, Carlton Banks, himself... But the real turning point of the whole film will be the Snoop cameo. You know, where he and the Wayans Brothers work on the same garbage truck that drives down Ruby Dee's street. Do I know Ruby Dee? No. Have I ever met her? No. But, it's in the contract. There's gotta be a role for Ruby Dee. OK, I've done enough, They say "bad things come in threes" and this marks "Crazy Will's A Racist" post #3. I really need to stop blogging drunk, and I need new material. Starting to feel like Jeff Foxworthy or something...
Posted by William @ 10/29/2004 02:01:12 AM Saturday, October 23, 2004
You ever had something you really needed to say, but KNEW you shouldn't even open your mouth. I'm at that point now. Something's been bothering me for years, and I just have to talk about it. I've gotta warn that this is my "Bill Cosby Goes Apeshit on His People" speech, so if you've got a weak stomach, scroll down to where I talk about comics or something. I just know the Council's gonna take away my rhythm and love of chicken...
First off, Black people need to make better movies. This mess is unwatchable. You see, about 10 yrs ago, some corporate entity created the "African Heritage Movie Theatre", where each month, some syndicated station shows a movie that's supposedly "important to our heritage". Well, Black folks don't exactly have a "Citizen Kane" to be proud of, so the bar was set a bit lower. When the whole program started, you might get "Coffy", or on a good day, "Cooley High". But over the yrs, they've been moving through the decades. As the yrs rolled on, the quality got worse. Plus, as some kind of bastard caveat, each movie has a cameo by Ruby Dee and/or Ossie Davis. You see, these two are, somehow, the oldest married Black couple alive. If you can't tell, Black marriage survival rates ain't the best, you know, with divorce, abandonment, and hypertension running rampant. So, Ruby and Ossie were like the first black actors or something. And how cute? They ended up getting married. So, for some reason, every Black movie from the past 40 yrs has them in some capacity, even if Ossie plays "garbageman #3". I think it's in the contract for every movie: "Find a role for Ruby or Ossie!" So, to cap off this cute little nothingness, Ruby and Ossie host each presentation of the African Heritage Movie Theatre. And it's so damn cheesy. Ruby'll say something like, "In this next scene, watch for the garbageman. I thought he was such a hunk!" and then Ossie will follow up with something like, "Oh, go on, now!" Such trifling married banter. But I've gotten off-topic. Bad Black movies. Why can't we make a good, entertaining, substantial film, without the Wayans' involvement, and without a Snoop cameo? I had no life in high school, so I've watched this mess since the beginning. On a good Saturday, I might've gotten "The Color Purple". But not anymore. Today, I got "Graffiti Bridge", with Prince and Morris Day. Now, let me say that "Purple Rain" was a good Prince movie. But there is NO such thing as a good Morris Day movie (Yes, I KNOW he was in "Purple Rain" Forget about that for the moment). In fact, I've spent the last few years trying to even understand Mr. Day's popularity. So, Morris was the poison of this film. That, and the fact that it's Prince during his religious kick. Which brings me to my next off-color remark: Black people have an interesting interpretation of the Bible. Prince, or TAFKAP, or "The Artist", has ALWAYS oozed sex, but even at his holiest, he couldn't give up the women. I've noticed over time, and this is NOT a blanket, groundless generalization, that in the Black community, adultery isn't really looked at as a "sin", per se. It's more of a "that nigga done fucked up." It's less about what God's gonna do to you, and more about what "yo' baby mama's" gonna do. I've always found that strange. It's like everything in the Bible pertaining to sex, Black people seem to have regarded as "Oh, that's something The Man put in there to keep us down!' I've never been able to get down with such devout pick-and-choose religion. If you're unsure about something that major, then you're unsure about a lot of the tenets. But don't act like you're on your way to Glory as you're scanning the club for easy prey... Wow, that was kinda preachy. But please, just make some good movies. 'Cause one of these days, I'm gonna have to spend time with my kids. You know, it's gonna be court-ordered and shit, so I'll HAVE to do it. And what easier way to kill time than watch TV? On the path we're traveling, it's only a matter of time before 'Soul Plane" is deemed worthwhile to our heritage. I'm sorry, but Mo'nique squeezing into a stewardess uniform ain't really gonna enhance the Civil Rights Movement in any shape or form... But wait, there's more! Black people, please stop marrying ugly people. I swear, it's like Black ugly people are seeking out other ugly people, and it's bad for our future. Just look at the Jet or Ebony society pages. For the uninformed, Jet is that magazine that hangs out next to Soap Opera Digest, you know, with all the Black people on the cover. Half of these brides look like horses, while the guys just look like they're glad they chased down SOMEBODY. But let's look to the future. These creatures are going to have offspring, and two wrongs do NOT make a right! Let's nip this in the bud. Stop ugly intermarriage. Man, I went too far today....
Posted by William @ 10/23/2004 01:43:34 PM
"Westman: Disassembled" - The Saga Continues
Previously on Westman: Our hero had endured the worst week ever, with no manager support and every asshole under the sun deciding they had a bone to pick with a certain H&M employee. Just as he was about to tell the Swedes where they could put their "high fashion and quality at low prices", Will was made an offer he actually thought about refusing.... So, what did Caroline and Susan offer me? They said that they'd really appreciated the work I'd been doing, and they wondered if I'd be interested in becoming the store administrator. For the uninitiated, the H&M store administrator is the person who is responsible for managing payroll and budget. He's more of a manager in terms of his relationship to other sales associates, but not necessarily a manager in terms of customer service and BIG decisions. It's kind of a weird netherrealm. An H&M Purgatory, if you will. But, this position would have more responsibility, and of course, more money. So, they seemed really excited about it, and I felt kind of bad that I visibly didn't share their joy. It's just that it'd been SUCH a long week, and despite how great it sounded, some motherfucker had, not 10 mins prior, called me an asshole. NO ONE CALLS ME THAT. I mean, it's not like I didn't deserve it, but I still wanted to beat his ass. You see, around this time, I'd come to realize that I was "that guy". You know the one. Every store you like going to, there's that ONE sales associate you hate. And you hate him because he thinks he's big shit 'cause he knows he's got something you want and gives you a hard time just because he knows he can. Sometimes, this person is referred to as the B.N.I.C. In any case, retail really shouldn't be this hard. It shouldn't harden a person nor blacken his soul. Back in the day, when people described me, they'd always say, "Oh, Will's so nice..." People don't really say that anymore. And I'm not quite sure how I feel about that. But I certainly notice that the pleasantries have dried up. All I get now is gay guys calling me "sexy". So, I guess I AM a bitch now. What I world we live in these days, I tell ya! So, I had come to realize that retail probably wasn't the place for me. In fact, it ain't healthy for me. While this whole sojourn into commerce had taught me a lot about myself, I was seriously reaching the end of my rope. In fact, I had really started stocking up on clothes for my "new job". What job was it? Not a damn clue. Didn't have one, but I was sure as Hell looking. So, the ball started rolling on this whole store admin thing VERY quickly. And the quicker it rolled, the more unsure I felt. I mean, I had to stop and remember my initial goal: I never really wanted to work in fashion retail, but I DID want to climb H&M's corporate ladder. Here it was, my opportunity staring me in the face, and I'm considering bolting. I've NEVER been a quitter (though, there are many instances in which that would've been a smarter move then staying), and I decided I was gonna stick this out. After, this was a dream deferred that was now coming true. See, Mom? Dreams DO come true! Yes, Virginia, there IS a Santa Claus! As the days rolled on, they kept sweetening the pot. "Hey, Will! You're gonna be training at Chestnut Street in PHILADELPHIA!!!" and "Hey, Will! You're gonna be in a pretty sweet hotel for 4 weeks!" or "Hey, Will! Your per diem is gonna be more than your entire freakin' check!" And, like a sad, gullible bastard, I ate it all up, every fuckin' morsel. I mean, end of my rope here. I was ready to believe anything. Let's take a trip back: Last week marked the one-year anniversary of my return home. It was exactly one yr ago that i packed up and left Ithaca for good. And just let me say that this has been the HARDEST period of my life. I mean, the last 365 days have been pure shit. They say the yr after college is the hardest and that motherfucker wasn't lying. Horrible. I've had more nervous breakdown scares than one person should. I'm too young for this shit. Anyway, I needed a change. I feared I was headed for some kind of relapse or something, and I needed a change of scenery. But this new position, it was my chance. I could stay with the company, work toward my goal of advancement, but also get a new scene on the company dime. I mean, this was everything I could ever want, topped with sprinkles and holograms ( for the record, i LOVE holograms! someone's got a birthday coming up...). So, this offer of tempting fruit was the beginning of things looking up. I was finally moving up to the East side to get my piece of pie. But as we all know, "fish don't fry in the kitchen and beans don't burn on the grill" (not really sure where I was going with that, but bear with me; it's part of the metaphor...) When I get excited about something, REALLY excited, something beyond my control thwarts me. Well, let the thwarting begin. They tell me this evening that, "Hey, there are too many people up at Chestnut Street, so you probably won't be going up there. Instead, you might be going to Delaware or even maybe Tysons Corner." You should've seen me. My face dropped like Castro off that flight of stairs (Damn, that was funny! Jennine, I wish I could've seen your face!). Lahdy-fuckin' dah! Well, Golly! I's gonna get to see bootiful picteresque Dely-where? And I REFUSE to go back to Tysons if I have to commute. I hardly read my archives, so I'm not sure if I ever blogged about it, but that was my training store, and for about 2 months, I commuted 2 hrs, EACH WAY every day. I am NOT going through that again. So, I don't know where that leaves us. So, here I am, blogging, filled with rage (I always find it funny when a person has to TELL you they're filled with rage; usually, you can just tell. But since you can't see me....I'm kinda ranting in parentheses....I think this is one of the signs of insanity....I'd better stop and get out of these parentheses now) Whew, that's better. So, anyway, I'm here, filled with rage. I'm I'm not even sure where I'm gonna be in 3 weeks. The worst part is how this is affecting the rest of my life. I mean, I've been trying to be a good little worker, and I feel that i've been happier and more productive since this whole carrot-dangling began. But now, I'm unpredictable again. Also, Tarek's gonna hate me. I've been pseudo-avoiding him because i promised I'd come visit him in Boston before the Election (we have a wager on it), and I know I've put it off til the very last minute, but I don't see how I'm gonna make it with all this work stuff up in the air. I seriously don't know when nor where I'm going, and that prevents me from making any excursions up to MA. I know he's a big boy, and he'll understand that it's work-related, but I was raised to "never make a promise that you can't keep!" And I truly intended to keep this promise. And I want to visit him, but....So, T, don't hate me... I swear, the only thing making me happy right now is Alouise. I'd prolly be going insane right now if I didn't have her around. She listens and certainly understands, but also helps calm me down (especially when I'm filled with rage). Plus, I'm always excited to see what the next day brings...Damn, I'm lame :-P Also, I've gotta say that it's not my store nor my managers fucking me over. It's the damn Area Team. This faceless European triad (well, they're not faceless, I've seen them. And only one of them's actually European. And there's actual 5 of them, but "triad" sounds cooler and I've only actually met three of them...But I digress.). They go around, with their tight sweaters and pants, looking like JC Penney catalog models, crushing dreams. Well, they're not gonna crush my dreams! I ain't no punk. I ain't going out like that! So, now you see why it took me so long to finish that story, and as you can see, it ain't over til it's over...Stay Tuned
Posted by William @ 10/23/2004 04:46:09 AM
You know, with the amount of "high school" calibre bullshit I have to put up with, sometimes I wish I could fucking sink Ithaca to the bottom of the fucking sea. No, there are no seas, nor oceans there. Just a bunch of lakes. Finger Lakes, to be exact. But I'd still like to fuckin' sink it...
Posted by William @ 10/23/2004 04:18:38 AM Wednesday, October 20, 2004
It's late Tuesday night, which means it's New Onion Time! Here's my fave article from this week's issue:
http://www.theonion.com/opinion/index.php?issue=4042&o=2
Posted by William @ 10/20/2004 02:44:46 AM
Third great night in a row!
I'm happy! I know...that's really weird. For one, I'm not usually happy. Also, I'm not one to go around screaming to the rooftops when I am. But, I am. Work's good. Life's good. I'm about to be Kevin McCallister again for a whole week. And October has been a surprisingly good month that should hopefully lead into an even better November. But I think I'm also happy 'cause I'm at the start of something that feels really great. I mean, it's fresh and new, but it really makes me happy, and I'm excited and anxious to see what happens next. Anyway, thanks Alouise! You're the "bee's knees" and I'm totally digging you for it! And can i just send a shout-out to the man who created text messaging? Yes, this post was lame, but I'm happy so fuck all y'all haters...(wow, that was unnecessarily hardcore :-P )
Posted by William @ 10/20/2004 01:58:13 AM
Well, it looks like John Byrne's at it again. Guess you Superman fans'll be chasing him with torches this time around. Here's what he posted on his site recently:
"I have noticed that people have begun referring to Christopher Reeve as a "hero". I do not wish to take away one iota of the courage he must have needed not to wake up screaming every single day, but the hard truth is there was nothing "heroic" in what happened to him, or how he dealt with it. In fact, as far as how he dealt with it, he didn't even have a choice. We could imagine he spent every hour of every day (when not in front of the cameras) begging family members to simply kill him and get it over with -- but none of them did, so he had no choice but to deal with each day as it came.* Heroism, I believe, involves choice. *Not in any way suggesting this is what was happening, just in case there are those who are paralyzed from the neck up who might be reading these words. . . " Yup, Mr. Byrne's applying for admission to Hell like they're running out of room or something... Kinda interesting, seeing as how Byrne reignited interest in Superman with his "Man of Steel" mini-series from the 80s. Seems he loves the "S", but could care less about the man who wore it...
Posted by William @ 10/20/2004 01:52:54 AM Tuesday, October 19, 2004
OK, even though I posted highlight quotes, I think the quote of the weekend was :
"It's a travesty that Evan didn't record 'Drops of Jupiter'!" You know, a lot of people come up to me and tell me this. My question is: What do you want me to do about it? I mean, seriously! That's like if I went up to someone and said, "You know, your kid's alright, but he'd probably be cuter if he didn't have Down Syndrome and all..." I mean, you're insulting me to my face, and it's supposed to just roll off of me?!! What's this supposed to accomplish? People tell me this like they expect me to agree with them. Well, I DON'T. This was, like many things in life, a political move. And sacrifices must be made. We, in Last Call, made the decision to make the CD representative of the current group at the time of its release. Evan was gone and Eduardo was gone, hence no tracks by them. Yes, Anthony's "We Built This City" got on, and I had nothing to do with that. I was told it was because it was done and the money had been spent. But people act like they expect me to say, "You're SO right. I'm nowhere near as good as Evan and I'm ashamed to have my voice on there where his should rightly be!" I'm not gonna say it. Evan was/is great, and we got a TON of mileage off of that song, from the Today Show to the ICCAs, but Evan had also had a solo on a CD. I hadn't. Surprisingly, that comes into play when discussing potential album tracks. When this was recorded, I had NO IDEA I'd end up with 3 tracks on the CD, but I ain't complaining. A group is about evolution and change. Simply, it was someone else's turn. Did we HAVE to record Drops? No. That wasn't solely my call. The group decided, and now the very same people are the ones who're quick to tell me how unworthy I am to be singing the solo. People forget about politics. HAD we brought back older members to sing their songs, YEAH, Evan would be on Drops, but Eduardo would have been on Keep, and other solos would've changed hands as well. So, sorry folks, your loss is other folks' gain. I'm not the only one who benefitted from the whole thing. Plus, as I've said before, the review board at RARB liked my rendition, so there. But, if anyone out there is STILL upset that I sang the song and not Evan, and they're clamoring for their Evan version or their money back, well I've got a live track featuring him with your name right on it. Drop me a line and I'll send it to ya. Maybe then we can all move on.... Man, I've gotta stop this drunk blogging...
Posted by William @ 10/19/2004 02:29:22 AM Monday, October 18, 2004
Quotes of the Weekend
"Save a horse...Ride a Hotelie" "Holy Shit! There's nothing in this refridgerator but BEER!" "Filipinos are accidents. They're the result of sex between Africans and Koreans." "Gay IS a disease! It can be cured by antibiotics. When we were younger, when we started feeling gay, we'd go out and play some football. Then, we just realized it was another excuse to touch each other..." God, I miss Cornell! And I love you, Last Call. Before this weekend, I thought you were the little disobedient kid that didn't want to hear from your elders. But now, I realize you're all grown up and capable of getting along without me. I'm so proud of you boys, and your new guys are AWESOME! Can't wait for SUX!!! Oh yeah, I PROMISE I'm gonna conclude "Westman: Disassembled" this week, so stay tuned!
Posted by William @ 10/18/2004 05:19:12 AM Wednesday, October 13, 2004
"I know you're anti-W, as am I, but Kerry just ain't hittin' my G-spot. He just can't love me like Clinton did. W likes to talk dirty to me, tries to get me all riled up, but he's all talk. Kerry's trying, bless his heart, but he needs a few lessons..."
Me, following a friend's recap of the debates
Posted by William @ 10/13/2004 11:46:06 PM
FUCK!!!
Where's the third and final commentary? I missed it. I passed the fuck out. And you know what's worse? I remember 9:00 on the dot. Next thing I knew, it was 10:50. Anybody got the number for Mulder & Scully?I believe one of the candidates' campaign members slipped me a mickey to keep the truth from getting out. Yup, I'm THAT damn important! This is almost as bad as when I missed the last episode of "Family Matters"! All that viewership for nothing... So, from what I can pick up from various soundbytes, I'm giving it all to Kerry. Some accounts don't make it sound like he was as strong as previous showings, but any man who can make a Tony Soprano reference in an important speech is alright in my book! Let's bring some pop culture back into the White House. Give some tax cuts to Hot Topic and Spencer Gifts. Anyway, that's all I got. We're giving the series to Kerry. Hopefully, we'll all get some complimentary kethup for our troubles or something... Stay tuned as the finalists square off in 3 weeks in front of a live studio audience. Our special celebrity judges will be Jon Stewart, Pat Sajak, Paula Abdul, and Jim. J Bullock. So, remember to keep phoning in your votes at 1-888-NEW-PREZ I'm Will West, and I approve this message...
Posted by William @ 10/13/2004 11:02:09 PM
Am I the only one who thinks "Pandora's Box" would be a GREAT name for a porn movie? Hey, I was just wonderin'...
Posted by William @ 10/13/2004 01:49:38 AM Tuesday, October 12, 2004
OK, it's been a long time coming, but I believe the scientists at the Nerf Laboratory have finally lost their minds. Honestly, one can only devote so much brain power designing foam weapons of mass destruction before it takes a toll on the psyche. Anyway, I give you the Nerf N-Strike:
http://www.hasbro.com/pl/page.viewproduct/product_id.13884/dn/nerf/default.cfm
Posted by William @ 10/12/2004 10:11:25 PM
Votergasm.org
Quite possibly the GREATEST IDEA EVER!!!
Posted by William @ 10/12/2004 09:01:55 PM
The Death of Superman
You know, it's almost 12 yrs to the day that fanboys everywhere were astonished by this storyarc. Now, life imitates art... First, allow me to get the tasteless remarks out of the way: Nature has spoken. Batman outlived Superman. I'll bet, somewhere, Adam West is lighting up a big cigar, saying to himself, "Well, I'll be damned!" On to the eugooglies...You know, I really can't do this. I can't do it because anyone who knows me knows that I hate Superman. I could go on and on about how he made us "believe a man can fly", but those movies were hokey. And let's be honest: you can't name anything noteworthy, acting-wise, outside of the Superman franchise that Christopher Reeve did. And as you can see, when that Superman Curse gets ya, it really BITES YOU IN THE ASS!! Dean Cain got off the easiest 'cause "Lois and Clark" only started and ended his acting career. But poor Chris Reeve...he just couldn't catch a break. So, what I CAN say is that Christopher Reeve seemed like a nice guy. And after the equestrian incident, he was always a crusader. I can't really vouch for "Superman" 'cause I live in Gotham, but I can say that the world HAS lost a nice man and a courageous fighter. P.S. Tom Welling, GET OUT WHILE YOU CAN!!!
Posted by William @ 10/12/2004 12:41:11 AM Monday, October 11, 2004
So, John Byrne, who along with Chris Claremont, was a member of the most influential X-Men creative team, is weighing in on the casting of Jessica Alba as Sue Storm in the "Fantastic Four" movie:
http://www.byrnerobotics.com/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=2387&PN=1&totPosts=51 Above is the link to his forum, but the main quote that's gotten everyone riled up is this: "Personal prejudice: Hispanic and Latino women with blond hair look like hookers to me, no matter how clean or "cute" they are. Somehow those skin tones that look so good with dark, dark hair just don't work for me with lighter shades. Like I said -- personal prejudice." So far, all the white fanboys are agreeing with him, yet the minorities are offended. For anyone new to this, comics is just as prejudiced a hobby a golfing. Your stereotypical fanboy is some pasty, antisocial white kid living in his parents' basement. Now, the audience HAS gotten more diverse over time, but we've still gotta deal with stuff like this getting around. Yeah, he's entitled to his opinion, but it's a shame he's so...careless with it. It's like he doesn't realize how bad this statment sounds. And, as always, everybody's chiming in with "I agree with The Master!" We;;, "The Master" has a history of rubbing his colleagues the wrong way, and I fear this is gonna alientate many fans, as well...
Posted by William @ 10/11/2004 01:47:10 AM
Why are my friends associated with such D-list celebrities? You know, there's someone out there saying, "Oh yeah, Cameron Diaz is my best friend" or "Britney and I used to take baths together." But me and my friends? No dice. We get saddled with the chance encounters with the likes of old haggard Penthouse Pets and guys who almost made it on reality shows...
So, where's this going? Well, about 2 weeks ago, Natalie came into town. She wanted to know if I was up for a supply run to Target. Seeing as how Target is the next best thing to Walmart, I happily obliged. We're pulling into the parking lot when her phone rings. "Kevin?" she asked. Then suddenly, "Oh my God! It's Kevin Lyttle!" Yes, folks. THE Kevin Lyttle. The young man who wants you to kiss and caress him. THAT guy. You see, she met him a few months back at Platinum as his star was beginning to rise. He got her number, and apparently he calls her from time to time. I knew about it when it first happened, and I kinda thought it was hilarious. This one-hit wonder is actually calling back some chick he booked in a club. Aren't THEY supposed to be calling HIM?That's priceless. But now...I dunno how I feel about Kevin Lyttle callin' my girl! No, she's not my girl, and I'm over all that, but it's the principle, ya know? I mean, it's fucking Kevin Lyttle. The boy is so anti-cute that his album cover is him looking down, with a hat covering his face. You know the PR boys were out of ideas when they OKed that clusterfuck of a move. Plus, I think what gets to me is he might have a shot. Anybody's who's been reading this site for the past summer knows ALL about my trials and tribulations, but I swear, if he somehow gets her to kiss and caress him, i'm gonna shit a brick. I know she's better than that, but he IS a celebrity, even if he ranks below select members of O-Town. Some people are attracted to that sort of thing... So, he's on the phone, and he's just shooting the shit. In the meantime, I'm like "I wanna talk to Kevin! Let me say 'hi'."And she's all like "shh!". He was trying to find out where she was. Hey Kevin, take note: I know you're new to this whole fame thing, but booty calls typically don't take place at 4 PM on a Sunday evening! Besides, we had some Target-ing to do. So, after he found out she wasn't in NYC, which is where he was, he eventually got off the phone. I was like, "Why didn't you let me talk to him?" She goes, "No one's supposed to know I have his number." I shot back, "What? Who the fuck's gonna stalk Kevin Lyttle? Why's this such a big secret? Nobody cares!" She kinda changed the subject, but I got out, "I can't wait to blog about this!" So, there it is. Tune in for when I discuss my friend Syd, and the fact that she's hanging out with "The Famous Jett Jackson" of Disney Channel fame...
Posted by William @ 10/11/2004 01:01:15 AM
Wisdom of the Day, courtesy of "Desperate Housewives"
"When a man buys a woman expensive jewelry, there are many things that he wants. For future refernece, conversation ain't one of them!" "It's not enough to want the truth. You've got to know where to look for it. And the truth is elusive becuase it knows where to hide."
Posted by William @ 10/11/2004 12:58:45 AM Friday, October 08, 2004
Running Commentary of Presidential Debate '04 II
How'd Charles Gibson get chosen for this? Is "Good Morning America" hard-hitting news? Will Matt Lauer be hosting the next round? Where are the REAL journalists? W looks kinda robotic this round. He does whatever Kerry does. Kerry waves, W-bot waves... Gotta love Kerry and his "thank you's". He never fails with these, and he's like a hood-rat winning an American Music Award. Only person he forgets to thank is "The Big Man Upstairs..." W doesn't look comfortable holding a mic. He's like the dad making a toast at a wedding, who's never really spoken publicly before... "After 9/11, we had to learn to look at the world differently." He's starting the heroic grandstanding already... "Thought there was weapons there." Shouldn't he have said "were"? Couldn't they have shppied some minorities to Missouri, just for the night? Nelly's from St. Louis! Was he too busy to pose a few crunk questions? So, it's basically John "Reach Out To Our Allies" Kerry vs. George "The 'W' Stands for All The Hard Work" Bush... Still accusing of "wrong war, wrong time, wrong place"... W's listing the contents of his political Black Book. Wow, you talk to Tony Blair, how special that must be for you! "The war on terror is about making sure these terrorist organizations don't get weapons of mass destruction!" Yo, Joe, indeed! We're going after Destro next.... Hey, they found a Black chick! He's rambling again..."brought in front of a judge" I love W's little pompous nod he does when he concludes each rebuttle... W's going all "Blinky Bill" right now. It's like a nervous twitch or something... "Military's job is to win the war. The president's job is to win the peace." Nice Kerry, you're not answering the Iran question. You're mudslinging like W. Answer the question. What would you do? Actually, you DID scowl... W's got a good 'Dr. Phil" act going, walking around, working the crowd... W mentions the internet as if it's some kind of mythological beast of lore: " I've heard there are rumors on the...'internet'..." You could almost see him wanting to make those little quote gestures with his fingers... Still can't pronounce "peninsula" That "forget about the draft" promise was the equivalent of his dad's "Read my lips" speech, and we all remember how THAT turned out... 2nd Reagan reference of the night. Who'll be the first to namedrop Clinton? W just broke the rules of the debate. Now, he's got beef with Gibson. "No, let me answer this!" Whoa, Kerry...I think I'm sold... That "intelligence" reference was a veiled attack on two levels. Well played, Kerry... "Hard work" reference. Republicans drink a shot! "Working overtime"...SOCIAL! Drug discount cards? THAT'S your defense? W's first to mention Clinton, moves back three spaces... Did W just wink at somebody? 3rd Reagan reference..Man, we've gotta add those to the rules for the drinking game... Kerry oh so loves those tacky website plugs... Black dude in the audience looks pissed..."They told me Beyonce was gonna be here!" "Tax Cut Question Guy", we'll call him "Fratboy Dave", doesn't look too pleased with Kerry's answer... "It's not credible". Ah, that brings back memories of "Not gonna do it, wouldn't be prudent..." "You can run, but you can't hide"? What's that all about? One hour in, and no "gay marriage" question? They shipped in some Black folks, so you just KNOW there's gotta be a petgroomer and his antique dealing partner in the audience SOMEWHERE! Love how W stammered over the "Common Sense Policy" "The quality of the air's been cleaner since I've been President." Conceited much? Ooh..not in good taste with the whole Red Sox knock, Kerry. They take the Curse of the Bambino VERY seriously... "President that believes in science"? That just alienated the Bible Belt! And you'd been doing SO well, Kerry... Why's Kerry calling Gibson "Charlie"? Are they secretly golfing buddies or something? W's really harping on this "Kerry doesn't show up for votes" thing. Did Kerry forget W's birthday or something? 'Cause he's clearly bitter about something... "Need some wood"? Oh, W! You little minx! Wow, another Black guy! Way to namedrop Teen Wolf, Kerry. Like Alex P. Keaton's REALLY gonna win you some votes... Wow, Kery just told us he's friends with Superman! Fucking SUPERMAN! Now, tell me. WHo are YOU voting for NOW? I think W won the whole Stem Cell battle via "forced emotion" alone... Gotta love that nod... Climate's shifting towards "Disciple vs. The Scientist"... Something tells me W doesn't fully understand the Dred Scott case. It's one of those cases we all know by name, like Roe v. Wade, but couldn't really argue if there was a gun to our heads. A good namedropping case...Makes one sounds intelligent...usually... W just said "legislay-TORS". They sounds evil. Are those new enemies we'll be bombing in the coming months? "I respect that...place you're coming from." That's "Kerry" for "I'm about to disappoint you" "It's never quite as simple as the Prsident would like for you to believe." Truer words were never spoken... Nice final question! Ooh.."Mistakes appointing people?" Any of them rhyme with "Gondapeeza"? WOULD Saddam still be in power? Interesting thought to leave us with... I always laugh when Kerry says "kill". It's so cute... "Thanks, it's been enjoyable." Somebody's lying.... Wow, he busted out "haters" & "nexus" in one phrase. Talk about catering to the extremes. Somebody got a thesaurus & ebonics lessons since the last debate.... AND THE WINNAH! Well, this round.... It's a close one... I think Kerry works better when not answering questions...but I don't feel W really told us anything he'd do differently. But then again, his whole campaign is about "staying the course"...For now, I'm giving it to Kerry. We'll check back in next Wednesday....
Posted by William @ 10/08/2004 10:46:41 PM
Ok, I guess you could say I've finally reached an age when I notice the push for young people to vote, etc. I remember all the old Rock-The-Vote stuff, but it didn't seem on the level that everything's on now.
Is it just me, or is there an INSANE amount of "Please Vote!" going on? Yes, 2000 taught us that every vote counts, but is the situation THAT dire? And why do I get the impression that this may be the last election...ever? That's very unsettling....
Posted by William @ 10/08/2004 04:47:49 PM
I swear, Marvel Comics Editor-in-Chief Joe Quesada NEVER gives a boring interview! Here's an excerpt of a recent statement he gave to Newsarama:
NRAMA: Looking at the X-franchise, it seems to have become the home for the superstars - you moved from Grant to Joss to...? Do you feel that you could be moving to a place of one-upping yourself to the nth degree, to a point where if you don't have a Morrison or a Whdeon type "name" on an X-Men book, sales will suffer? JQ: Well, we just signed God to write the arc after Joss. NRAMA: Teasers? Professor X versus the real Lucifer to the death? JQ: Well, this summer we brought you Jesus vs. Spider-Man, and based on the box office, it looks like Jesus won.
Posted by William @ 10/08/2004 04:23:27 PM Wednesday, October 06, 2004
So, my new hobby is reading the Missed Connections on Craigslist.org. These things are just too funny sometimes. But guess what I found the other night. First, I have to give Wonkette credit for pointing it out 'cause I just kinda skimmed it the first time i read it. So, look closely to what I mean...
"Secret G-town bar - w4m - 22 Reply to: anon-44420088@craigslist.org Date: 2004-10-03, 11:18PM EDT You walked through the hidden iron doors on Saturday night looking very dapper in your suit. It looked like you were with your family, possibly siblings. A pair of twins, perhaps? That runs in my family, too. I watched you talk about mail order frogs with some floosie. I wanted to share my love for amphibians with you as well, but it is so difficult with the secret service always following me around. Will we meet again on the corner of Wisconsin and O? this is in or around Georgetown" It's one of W's daughters! Those twins use Craigslist to find their crushes! This is just too sad/cool! Man, I'll bet Chelsea never resorted to anything like this. Then again, Chelsea was kind of a dog back then...
Posted by William @ 10/06/2004 11:39:27 PM
In case you haven't noticed, all of these "supplemental material" postings are filler until I get the "OK" to finish up the whole "Westman: Disassembled" saga. But rest assured, it's coming and it's exciting. Plus, there's some good stuff to be found in these bonus features I'm giving ya, so eat up, bitches!
Posted by William @ 10/06/2004 08:17:02 PM
In all my blogging, I don't think I've ever posted this:
http://www.rarb.org/reviews/423.html This is my very first (and, so far, only) album review. This is back with Last Call, for our album "Vestosterone". Long story short, the reviewers could've lived without the album, but the loved me! And isn't that really all that matters? *shameless plug warning* And if you wanna know what they were talking about, these songs, and more, can be downloaded from my "Music" section. Oh, and if ya like the LC stuff, go buy their album...actually, nevermind. What do i care? "Why buy the cow..."? P.S. They liked Lip too, but this is MY site, so...(Hi, Lip!)
Posted by William @ 10/06/2004 08:09:41 PM
I've been seeing a lot of these things around lately, so I thought this was a pseudo-humorous article on the whole "Live Strong" phenomenon...
http://www.georgetownvoice.com/global_user_elements/printpage.cfm?storyid=727848
Posted by William @ 10/06/2004 08:06:29 PM
Rest in peace, Rodney Dangerfield. You've always had my respect...
Posted by William @ 10/06/2004 01:10:49 AM
Wow...Nip/Tuck...
Wow... You do this to me EVERY SUMMER!!! How am I supposed to last until next June with an ending like THAT?!!!
Posted by William @ 10/06/2004 12:30:23 AM Tuesday, October 05, 2004
OK, I know I'm not going crazy. But Jude Law is in EVERY movie being released these days!!! Are there no other actors in Hollywood? There's "Alfie", 'Sky Captain", "I *heart* Huckabees", and the movie with him & Natalie Portman...And I thought Ben Stiller was greedy..
Posted by William @ 10/05/2004 02:09:17 AM
I have NEVER been this drunk on a Monday! What a way to start a week! Thanks, "Alouise"! You da bomb, girl, in more ways than one. It was a great night, and we gotta hang out again soon...
P.S. That third child ain't my baby, but we'll discuss it on the trip to Oregon to visit Ryan Simpson....
Posted by William @ 10/05/2004 01:00:08 AM | 
About Will
Here is some profile information about Will. Previous Posts
Archives
|
