So, this Fall marks a dark era for daytime television. Why? Because Kids WB, the last survivor in the weekday afternoon cartoon programming act, is pulling out of the game.

For over 30 yrs, children could look forward to coming home from school, plopping down in front of the TV, and watching their favorite shows. In the beginning, the shows were all syndicated. Eventually, the Saban-Fox powerhouse known as Fox Kids entered the playing field, and gave us 10 yrs of quality toons (and some crappy imported shit, too) before going to that network in the sky back in 2002.

But the kids still had Kids WB to entertain them. Of course, they had to have an appreciation for Jackie Chan and Pokemon out of the ass! Actually, Kids WB became the official Otaku Poseur Network. It was a showcase for the latest gotta-catch-em-all-collectible-card-game shit being peddled to us from the East. That shit gave kids seizures! (Yes, I DO realize that episode of Pokemon never aired in the US, but oh how we were willing to forget). But did we learn our lesson? No! Kids WB became the little shitty anime store behind the mall, and the viewers fled to cable. So now, Nicktoons is sweeping the ratings board, while Kids WB is still hoping someone cares about Ash & Misty.

No, this isn't an anime-bashing post. I love me some Cowboy Bebop and Sailor Moon. My issue is that networks never seem to stick to what they know, and it's hurting them.

To me, I never really understood the practicality of a studio owning a network. I mean, I get it, but it never worked out like I had envisioned it in my head. I remember when UPN was about to debut,and there were all of these commercials listing every show Paramount had contributed to society. The list rattled through "Star Trek", "Family Ties", etc. Now, a studio-owned network was a strange, unfamiliar beast at this time. GE owned NBC. Capital Cities owned ABC. Westinghouse owned CBS. And Fox...well, it was a bastard orphan.

Now, imagine my surprise at this new development. I was under the impression that this UPN would be a place where I could find all of the great shows of the past. It was to be a network of "class and tradition". After all, they were sitting on a vast library of shows that they'd already produced, and surely they'd crank out new shows at the same level of quality. Right? Right? WRONG. People love to think of UPN as "that Black channel", but if we go back to the beginning, we'll find a different story. After all, WB was the Black network in its infancy. UPN, on the other hand, just gave us a lot of bad shit across the color spectrum. Anybody remember these shows: "Marker", "Nowhere Man", "Platypus Man", "Diresta"? I'll bet you don't, but check IMDB; they all exist. These fools tried to build a network on the shoulders of Richard Greico, Bruce Greenwood, and Richard Jeni. Who? Exactly. For much of that network's life, "Voyager" was its lifeblood. Why? Because it was the only show that understood what it meant to be "Paramount". The rest was just a couple of bad phases in a 10 yr-long identity crisis.

"But Will, I thought we were talking about The WB." Oh, I'm getting there. You see, the WB started not only at the same time, but also on the same foot, as UPN. Only WB was on the other side of the railroad tracks. They wanted that "urban market", which consisted of picking up every Black show that had been canceled from the previous season of TGIF. Namely, "Sister, Sister." Man, did they get some mileage off of those twins! The only speck of White on that network was "Savannah" (anybody remember that show? Mmm...Jamie Luner). Warner Bros, one of the biggest studios in Hollywood, sitting on a celluloid dynasty, insisted on going out on a limb to be a "niche network". Well, turn on WB50 and let me know how well that worked out for them.

Anyway, when they launched Kids WB, it started just as half-assed as the prime-time half of the network. There they were, trying to compete with Fox Kids, being beaten in the ratings by Fox Kids shows....which happened to be produced BY Warner Bros! Did anybody get that? "Animaniacs", "Tiny Toons", "Taz-Mania", "Batman: The Animated Series"... Fox Kids' most popular shows were produced by Warner Bros, and WB didn't have the rights to show them. Who was flying this plane? Why was I working a year in retail, while "network executives" made stupid decisions like these? It wasn't until Kids WB acquired Pokemon that it gained footing, but that was also when the sound of the approaching Horsemen could be heard in the distance. It was all downhill from there...

It's been said that the demise of Kids WB is not due to ratings, but rather FCC regulations. You see, the FCC considers any "on-air self-promotion" to be commercial time. And there ain't a network out there more narcissistic & self-promoting than the WB. That's been it's claim to fame since it began. Sure, the shows might suck, but they all seemed to be having a blast on the backlot singing Dubba-dubba-WB with Michigan J. Frog. I always said that if I had a show, I wanted it on the WB 'cause it looked like they were having so much fun, and I could party with the kids from "7th Heaven". You know how preachers' kids can be! (Yeah, I have a tendency to blur fantasy with reality). Well, there are HELLA regulations for childrens' programming 'cause it has to be clear where the show ends and where the commercial begins. Otherwise, it looks like you're trying to deceive the child viewer (Yay, HD Degree!) So, in essence, Kids WB is one big commercial, with some shows interstitially worked in. For a while, that formula worked. It made it seem like they had a lot of programming, when they were actually getting by on the cheap. They'd recycle old Batman footage to make it look like he was hanging out with the Powerpuff Girls. Man, that shit made me mad...It's not like they HAD to do this. After all, this is the network that owns frickin' Bugs Bunny. They've got 60 yrs worth or animation, but they forget where they came from. They got experimental, and didn't keep it real. It's been said that Turner (majority owner of Warner Bros) keeps the library close to his vest, and doesn't let Kids WB or Cartoon Network have free reign of the archives. OK...but if you care enough to invest in a NETWORK, you're gonna have to loosen your grip a bit.

So, due to these developments, the afternoon version of Kids WB will be no more. Yes, they will try to carry on with the Saturday morning block, but Fox tried this and failed. You see, without the weekday block, you have nowhere to promote the weekend block. You can't promote "Yu-gi-oh" during a "Very Special Episode of Gilmore Girls". And with kids, it's virtual peekaboo: out of sight, out of mind. Eventually, Disney will swoop in and buy whatever's left over, so that they can wallpaper Hell so that it looks familiar when we all get there. Disney will be the death of us all. And it's partly because a few dumb businessmen didn't know what they were doing, therefore making it a cakewalk for Disney to become our new overlords. Yes, I give Disney AND the entertainment industry THAT much credit. They bought the Fox Kids library for close to $1 billion and all that did was give Haim Saban more money to shuttle into the Hilary Clinton campaign fund. Interesting side note there: Haim Saban, creator of the "Power Rangers" is a BIG Clinton donor, even though Hilary spent much of the first term trying to get that show cancelled. And it's not like he's paying them hush money; he's supposedly a close personal friend of the family. Guess nobody told Hilary...

So, rest in peace Kids WB, you Pokemon-breeding bastard. Oh, and...Hail, Disney!

Posted by William @ 6/29/2005 09:30:00 PM
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Just to prove that not all blogging need be "responsible" or "have a purpose", I'm now gonna share with you a bit of un-P.C. knowledge...

Anybody ever heard of a "Mexican Breakfast"?

No?

It's a cigarette and a glass of water.

Heard of a "Mexican Promotion"?

No?

It's when your'e give more responsibility, but no increase in pay.

I could explain these "jokes" or try to find meaning in their cruelty. But I won't. Sometimes, a blog is just a blog...

Posted by William @ 6/29/2005 09:12:00 PM
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R. Kelly's "Trapped in the Closet Pts. 1-5" are the most enjoyable and innovative thing about music today. Forget Gwen Stefani and her Harajuku girls (why haven't you written about them yet, Jenn?). Forget Li'l John and the Eastside Boyz. What?!! OK! Forget about Usher and the fact that he's "man enough to admit he was wrong."

I am all about Mr. Kelly. The man hasn't missed a beat. Peed on a minor, on tape, and now he's hiding in closets and singing about it.

Most people would start singing about Jesus or something to show they reformed. Yeah, Kelly tried that, but then he realized he had to keep it real. He likes cheatin' on his women, and every now and then he gets in some shit for it.

And talk about plot twists! This song-saga is like "Passions", but with more Black people and no creepy midgets.

Bless you, R. Kelly! You're a man who knows what he needs and knows what he wants. While other celebrities might change their ways following a trial like yours, you refuse to put up a facade. When I see you takin' a sip of a beverage I see that glint in your eye, and I know what's next on your agenda. Just make sure you take care of that before you find yourself trapped in your next closet...

Posted by William @ 6/27/2005 10:11:00 PM
permalink | 1 comments

 

"B-A-B-Y. M-A-M-A. This goes out to all my baby mama's. I got love for all my baby mama's!"

The following post is actually a comment to a post on reappropriate.com (I don't have the techie know-how to post links, plus it's 2 AM and I'm exhausted) Anyway, check it out if you want context. Otherwise, just try to follow along and wait for my next "Whatever happened to Voltron" rant which I'm sure will come out of my mouth sometime during the next week...

Brace yourself, 'cause I may never say this about your site again.

You're right, Jenn. You're absolutely right.

In this country, we do have a negative tendency to measure everything against Judeo-Christian norms. Hell, it's on our money! That's not a reason, but an excuse, I know.

The problem is, religion is such a touchy matter for all involved.There is nothing tangible to grasp. There's as much reason to NOT believe in something as there is TO believe in something. And with many people, it's a love or worship scenario. Now, I know many people out there will agree that you can sometimes love something or someone without understanding why, or better yet, being able to CONVEY why. The heart and the mind aren't always invited to the same parties. Some people can offer up genuine reasons, while for others, it's an Apple Jacks situation: "I dunno why I believe this...I just DO".

I've never been a Jesus fish, soul-winning kind of person. I feel that all and every religion is a deeply personal matter. But I don't think it's simply a matter of being open-minded and accepting for things in "The America Situation" to change. You can't just decide that you're ready to learn about Buddha. I feel, much in the vein of the Bill Cross Model of Minority Development (you're smart kids; look it up), you have to have an "encounter" that makes you question your views and outlook. Something in your life has to enable and prepare you to open your mind. But the road to understanding, much like the road to Hell, is paved with good intentions.

I had my encounter over the weekend, and I ended up hurting the one person I love most in this world. Why did this happen? Well, in order to learn about new experiences, it's common to try to associate them with knowledge that you already posess. After all, you're not gonna be able to fly a plane just 'cause you're a good figure-skater. Instead, you will try to grasp a part of the process that relates to some kind of knowledge you already possess and it makes learning much easier. But by trying to understand a new way of thinking (new to me, at least), I kept falling into the trap of forcing it into my enmeshed Judeo-Christian framework.

Now, I honestly believe I was trying to understand and be open-minded and receptive, but it began to come across as judging and accusatory. Therein lies the problem with faith-based discussions. I feel that there is a limit to disclosure. There is only so much one is willing to share because, maybe, there is only so much that one CAN share. Sure, you can try to put it into words, but what makes faith and religion so important to people is that nameless, sort of personal fulfillment that ones gets from their faith. Time for another metaphor(I do SO love them):

Sometimes, with parallel parking, we use the other cars as guides to figure out our own position. But sometimes, when you're not careful, you hit one of those other cars. That's what I did: I hit one of the cars, and man do I love that car (Man, if you bring your feminist readership over to my site, they are gonna have a FIELD day with that one. Sorry, ladies...).

Then, there's also the selfish angle to it. While many people feel like they're open to new ideas, there's the inherent fear that this new knowledge will somehow take away from their former beliefs rather than enhance them. The whole hurdle of, "Well, we can't both be right." Once even an inkling of this comes to the surface, it causes both parties to retreat and sort of become more defensive of their viewpoints. Kinda like, "You had a shot. I was lettin' you in. But you had to go and fuck up!"

So, I guess my post leads to this: you're good at pointing out problems, but dish out a solution. How are we to truly change the paradigm? How can we change the system when it's so hard to gain the understanding necessary to shake shit up? 'Cause I know how you and JL love a good verbal sparring match, but one of the things I've always been impressed by/in awe of/taken aback by/ashamed of/embarassed by (yup all and any of those) is y'alls ability to go to Hell and back on a topic with another party, and emerge like nothing happened. I've witnessed conversations with K and many others, where y'all really let it hit the fan. When all's said and done, you and J simply wipe your brows, with a "Whew, that was a good workout!", while the other party is mumbling assassination plots under their breath. You have transcended to this realm where you honestly believe, "Hey, it's nothing personal", while debating what might be, to some people, the most intense and passionate feeling that they hold dear. I guess I've learned that the point is that if you really care about that other party and his viewpoints, then the journey to Hell is worth it. But, is there a way to do this, and gain this understanding, and truly come across as ready to learn, WITHOUT the pain, resentment, and friction? I guess we could just say, "Leave your preconceived notions at the door", but that's so much easier said than done, even with the best intentions at heart.

Or, an even bigger question: MUST we try to understand the other religions? Is it merely enough to accept that there are other religions, without trying to learn more about them? To me, that seems like a cop-out, but maybe the point is I don't have to understand other religions. I just need to make sure I don't force my own on them. We kind of set up a faith-based neutral sphere around ourselves. "You do your thing, and I'll do mine." Once again, I feel like this is cheating because there's so much we could learn from each other, and this sharing is the only hope of breaking down a few barriers...

I mean, I am honestly ready to learn. I know that it will be hard at times, but I don't want to be known as the guy who only participated in the discussion til shit hit the fan. I will be the Killen in this scenario: put me on trial for every close-minded Christian on American soil. But how do we go about my education?

Maybe y'all don't know what I'm talking about, what with my metaphors and such, but I figured I'd offer up a little deeper than my usual Pop culture beat dreck...

Posted by William @ 6/27/2005 02:11:00 AM
permalink | 4 comments

 

"Damn it, now I'm gonna ask you one last time and you're gonna tell me, or I'm gonna punch you in the face: Where The Fuck Is Ringo?"

I enjoyed this quiz so much (plus, I'm hurtin' for original material), that I've decided to steal it and post it here. Originally from Tarek's site, by way of Dawn's site, from some other chick whose name I can't remember, I give you the Director's Cut of my answers:

1. What is your full name? William Bruce West

2. What color underwear are you wearing now? Black. After all, Black is beautiful!

3. What are you listening to right now? Pure Moods. Gotta love that Enya!

4. What are the last 2 digits in your phone number? 13

5. What was the last thing you ate? Boogers...Nah, kidding. It was Subway. No...it was boogers.

6. If you were a crayon what color would you be? Royal Blue. But my second choice would be Black, 'cause Black is Beautiful!

7. How is the weather right now? Dreary & Muggy

8. Who was the last person you talked to on the phone? My shorty!

9. The first thing you notice about the opposite sex? "Quirkyness". I know that's vague, but I've always said "I like 'em weird." Whether she's rocking cute tattoos in all the right places, or she's singing along to the Moody Blues, I like the girl who's "outside of the box"

10. Favorite type of Food? Edible

11. Do you drink? Hehe. Do I drink? That's a riot! Shit, I'm drinking right now. I'll be drinking when I reread this bitch. And I'll probably be drunk when YOU read it! "Do you drink?"! *burp*

12. Do you smoke? My girlfriend is smokin' but other than that I gave it up a long time ago (I liked Tarek's answer so I kept it! What!)

13. Ever get so drunk you dont remember what you did? Well, there was this one time when I was drinking with Eric and his friends in the backwoods of PA. It was the 1st time I'd had tequila. And I knew I was gonna die that night. So I told 'em, "If anything happens to me, just make sure my mom gets my body.'Cause I know how these things play out, so just make sure I get a proper burial and don't end up in some field somewhere." Well, the rest of that night's a bit hazy, but here I am to tell the tale.

14. Hair color: Black (It's beautiful!)

15. Eye Color: Brown, but they change with the seasons.

16. Do you wear contacts? I used to, but I got cuter glasses.

17. Single? Nah. I'm practically married, and it's awesome. Speaking of which, where's my dinner, woman?!!

18. Favorite Month? December

19. Favorite Fast Food? Mackey Dee's (That's what hey call it in the UK, for you Yanks). Do you believe in magic? After all, what you want is what you get. Its a good time, great taste; that's why this is my place. I mean, I'm lovin' it.

20. Last Movie you Watched? In theater: Batman Begins. On DVD: Boogie Nights

21. Favorite Day of the Year? Black Friday, the day after Thanksgiving. Why? Because it's beautiful. And because shit goes on crazy sale, you know'm sayin', son?

22. Are you too shy to ask someone out? Nah, I keeps it, real, yo. I step to a shorty, and I'm like, "I know you diggin' me." And she be all like, "Word."

No, allow me to be serious for a moment. I am actually quite shy. It's when you get to know me that I become obnoxious. In the beginning, I'm all insecure and quiet. So, Shel DEFINITELY made the first move in our relationship, and I'm glad she did. Otherwise, we'd still be playing, "I was gonna ask you to lunch, but..."

23. Summer or Winter? Winter

24. Hugs or Kisses? Kisses. Absolutely.

25. Chocolate or Vanilla? Vanilla. I'll kill anyone who says anything about that!

26. Do you want your friends to respond back? Holla back, youngin's...

27. Who is most likely to respond? Sheldiz. She loves this kinda stuff!And Karlos, 'cause he loves this kinda stuff. Heh. Thats funny. They like the same stuff. Wouldn't it be weird if they like, I dunno, ran off together or something? That'd be hilarious....Wait a minute....that wouldn't be cool at all!

28. Who is least likely to respond? James

29. What books are you reading? "The Money Book For The Young, Fabulous, and Broke", By Suze Orman; "House of M", by Brian Michael Bendis; A stockpile of GQ's from 2004. Nice to know the hottest Fall 2004 fashions when it's frickin' June 2005!

30. Piercings? Left ear. See? Not gay.

31. Fav. Movie? Changes a lot. Right now, I'm gonna say "The Jerk".

32. Fav. basketball Team? Um...the guys...you know...the ones with the shorts... they're named after those animals...what's their name?

33. Fav. American Idol? Clay

34. Any Pets? Only if they're well-done, with a nice garnish.

35. AIM SN? WESTMAN2K

36. Butter, Plain or Salted popcorn? Salted. Maybe some cheese, too. Not the natural stuff, but the fake, orange stuff they put on Cheetos...

37. Dogs or cats? Little puppies.

38. Favorite Flower? The kind that squirt water when people lean in to sniff them!

39. Hit the snooze button...about 5 times...

40. I'm rediscovering my high school friends. I guess Shelly inspired me, what with her UN-sized conglomerate of friends.

42. Rock Concert or symphony? Rock Opera.

43. Play or Opera? Play

44. Have you ever fired a gun? No, and it's killing me. It's in my blood, man. How am I ever gonna show the homies on my block that I'm down?

45. Do you like to travel by plane? Not really, but it sure beats flappin' your arms...

46. Right-handed or Left-handed? Right-handed, the way the scientists in the lab programmed me.

48. How many pillows do you sleep with? 3

49. City and State you were born in? All the good ones WERE born in America. But I digress, I was born in Washington, DC. Chocolate City, baby!

50. Ever hitchhiked? Nah, I've got "he was such a good boy" written all over me. My biggest risk-deterrent in life has been the detailed fantasy of the news coverage of my death/disappearance....

Posted by William @ 6/23/2005 12:18:00 AM
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I thought this was pretty amusing:
http://www.forbes.com/2002/09/13/400fictional.html

It's the Forbes Fictional Fifteen, or the wealthiest, most powerful fictional characters of pop culture.

Now, so we don't have to waste any time on this, yes, they're all a bunch of rich white guys. Deal with it. Society's a cruel bitch sometimes, even in fiction.

Now that we've gotten that out of the way, I thought there were a few surprises.

You're gonna have to show me how in God's name Willy Wonka is worth more than Bruce Wayne. Although, I DO find it odd that the more money you have, the more you enjoy the company of young children..(See #'s 1, 2,3,4,6 & 7).

And Uncle Scrooge is worth more than Batman? Where's the justice? Bruce Wayne IS Batman, while Scrooge PAYS Gizmoduck. I think it's obvious who's the real hero!

Actually, this list is from 2002, so a lot has changed. Excuse me, I'm about to "go geek" on ya.
You see, Lex Luthor became President (Yes, of the US) and then kinda went crazy. He disappeared and was presumed dead. During that time, Bruce Wayne swept in with quite the hostile takeover, assuming LexCorp and all of Luthor's assets. So, you can add Luthor's $4.7 billion to Wayne's $6.3 billion, and you'll see that Bats is actually #3 on the list.

I never really thought of Santa having money. I mean, when you're magical, do you need money? How much is Gandalf worth?

I always thought Cruella and Burnsy were worth the same, but maybe that's because of that Simpsons spoof where he assumed the Cruella role...

And the Thurston Howell fortune is questionable, especially depending on timetable. You see, for anyone who's ever watched "Rescue From Gilligan's Island", you'll know that they finally get off the island after being marooned for 15 yrs. Now, during that time, Howell was presumed dead and lost EVERYTHING. So, he's got nothing. And to add shits to giggles, the morons commemorate the 1 yr anniversay of their rescue by taking ANOTHER boat ride. Guess what happens? They end up marooned on the same frickin' island all over again. Man, they just don't make good-bad TV like that anymore...

So the lesson to be learned here? There isn't one. But if there's one take-home message that i can give you, it's "never underestimate the kindness of strangers." Especiallly when you're a moronic lost scout who has social-anxiety issues. C'mon, kid, you're frickin STARVING! They had ATV's for God's sake! When has anything bad come on an ATV? All kids love ATV's. Yup, there was something seriously wrong with that kid...

Posted by William @ 6/22/2005 09:28:00 PM
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"There will be a reckoning...A CRISIS!"

So, I've just made my blog rounds, checking in on the e-friends, and I came across Jenn's blog .

Now, if you've been following my net presence, you'll know that I have a tendency to cultivate e-beef. For the most part, it's all in good fun, such as my "Jenn's new design is anime...again" post from a few days ago. Whatever, I'm sure she got what i was doing, and everything was fine.

But, things got worse. She went on this rant about Fathers Day and the greeting card companies, and I went off. Then, I scroll down, and she's baring her soul about all her beef with her dad.

Now, I DO feel that it's a shame that they can't work their stuff out, 'cause it's clear that it hurts her . Neither of us can understand where the other is coming from on this topic, nor would we strive to at the moment. If you want the whole story, read her blog (www.reappropriate.com), but it TRULY is sad that she has to go through so much stress and pain because of her parents. And I don't know what she's going through. Not to minimize the situation, though she'll probably take it as such, but I just threw out another lens from which she could view the situation. In any event, my whole "calm down and enjoy the fucking dip" stance is gonna earn me the flaming of a lifetime. Wait for it...

Posted by William @ 6/19/2005 11:15:00 PM
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"We like to call him 'The Louisville Smuggler'."


So, for some reason, my Pop Culture powers amped up to the next level. So much, in fact, that I don't believe most people would be able to understand what's going through my head.

Case in point, lately, I've been thinking a lot about character actors. All those people who "you'd know 'em if you saw 'em", but you don't know their names. One of my favorites is Harvey Korman. If you don't know who he is, just find an old episode of "The Carol Burnett Show" or watch a Mel Brooks movie (hint: he's Headley Lamarr in "Blazing Saddles").

Anyway, like I said, my mind is kinda warped right now, and I'm only thinking in riddles and analogies. Let's see if any of you can figure this out:

"Jeffrey Tambor is to "Three's Company" as Terry Kiser is to _________

Hint:There are several answers.

It's OK, kids. You CAN use IMDB for this one....

Posted by William @ 6/19/2005 10:44:00 PM
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"We like to call him 'The Louisville Smuggler'."

If you ask me, Deep Throat was a lot cooler when he was the Black guy from "21 Jump Street"...

Posted by William @ 6/19/2005 10:34:00 PM
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"At Eastern Motors, where my job is my credit!"

Another CA earthquake? This just proves that God's finally as sick of Tom Cruise as the rest of us...

Posted by William @ 6/19/2005 10:32:00 PM
permalink | 74 comments

 

Gonna steal Shel's format for today since I like how it's shaping up for her...

-So, the ice cream truck just drove slowly down my street, with the theme from "The Godfather" coming from its speaker. Correct me if I'm wrong, but that's a bad thing, right?

-The other week, while in DC, I saw the best/worse ploy for money EVER. This homeless guy held up a sign that read "Ninjas killed my family. Please give me money for Kung Fu lessons."

-So, Pride DC just ended. Nothing screams "Equal Rights!" like a shirts-optional foam party at Apex. Man, if only MLK had thought of these tactics, Jim Crow wouldn't have known what hit him...

-One morning a few months ago, this chick got on the bus, wearing a fur coat. Now, let's break this down. I know my furs, and it was real. So, let's point out the key parts of the story. A lady got on the BUS wearing a FUR COAT. And I thought to myself, "You're wearing a car!" I mean, it's the BUS. Not like you have to go out of your way to impress those people. And I'd rather wear a ratty Members Only jacket and drive a Focus than wear my fur on the Metrobus and get home smelling like nachos and B.O.

-"There is no such thing as a short sleeve dress shirt." So true, GQ. So true...

-Well-played, MJ. Well-played, indeed. Now, if I even hear of you going near Children's Tylenol, I will come over to Neverland and beat your ignorant, hard-headed ass. I am gonna beat it, and I won't stop til I get enough. So, you can call Billie Jean if you want, but that would be bad. Why can't you just like girls, Michael? Do you remember the time? Do ya? Have you forgotten the way you make them feel? There are many people like you, Jacks. You are not alone. But, lucky for us, most of them are IN JAIL or under surveillance. Now, when I see your old footage, well you give me butterflies. But this crazy-ass Willy Wonka behavior of yours makes me wanna scream! Just stop pressurin' me!

_According to MSNBC, they've been using Viagra to cure kids with lung and respiratory issues. Oh, God bless the U.S.A.! Just like us to have little boys running around with hard-ons, breathing funny. God, it's a slow news cycle!

-What is the deal with this Aruba chick! Yes, I can understand that her family wants her found, but I can't remember the last time a search was this intense. I mean, is she carrying nuclear secrets or something?!! She'll turn up. In recent years, they all have. Back in the 80's, those kids got killed. But lately, turns out these chicks just go out for ice cream and forget to call home. For three months. Anyway, I hear Deep Throat knows where she is, and he's got a press conference scheduled with US Weekly in about an hr...

-So, Jenn updated her site template again. More anime. To quote the great Gomer Pyle, "Surprise, surprise!" Don't get me wrong; it's a sharp site. It just seems a bit...cliche? Ya know, for a site that tries to break down all the stereotypes, she sure has a funny approach. Anyway, stay tuned for my "fried chicken and tap-dancing" redesign...

-Congrats to my baby on her grad school good news! Today, she found out she was eligible for UMBC's education graduate program. Understandably, this made her light up, and it was beautiful. No lie, she was simply radiant! I'm so happy for her. She's gonna be a Mindshaper....or a Shaper of Minds...or...someone help me come up with something that DOESN'T sound like a direct-to-video B Movie. MMmmm......sexy schoolteacher.... :-)

Anyway, I'm done. That season finale's coming. Special guest stars galore. Well, not really. But, when it's done, NOTHING WILL EVER BE THE SAME AGAIN!!!!

Seacrest, out

Posted by William @ 6/14/2005 09:17:00 PM
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I think I did really poorly on my SAT's, but I'm not sure. Anyone who knows me, knows I'm a worrywart, but I can't help but worry.

Oh well, I got into Cornell, so I guess I didn't suck THAT much. But I'll place a little wager. I'll give $5 to anyone who sees what I'm doing here and calls me out on it. I may honor the bet, and I may not. I'm really just doing this for attention.

By the way, if anyone knows of any jobs that provide parking spaces and pay between the 10-15 dollar range, send 'em my way. After all, the Westman don't come cheap ;-p

Posted by William @ 6/09/2005 01:14:00 AM
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Yay! Eunice is dead!

Well, not dead, per se...

But I do have an ending to that story I started way back when.

All will be revealed in the upcoming, double-sized season finale of williambrucewest.com

By the end of this shocking tale, NOTHING WILL BE THE SAME!!!

(Don't worry. It's not really a finale. I'm gonna have summer episodes, a la "90210". Well, nowadays, most people think that's a concept created by "The OC", but it really started back when Brenda went to Paris and Kelly started doing Dylan. But now I'm rambling....Just stay tuned for the action, all summer long!)

Posted by William @ 6/09/2005 01:05:00 AM
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You know, it took me 12 yrs, but last night, it finally hit me: "Power Rangers"?!!

I mean, what the Hell is a "ranger"? Yeah, you've got park rangers and all, but find me one person who thinks they're cool (Hanna-Barbera employees excluded)! How are you gonna market "rangers as coolness" to kids?

"Mighty Morphin' Power Rangers"? How did something so unnecessarily convaluted become a household name?

Everyone knows that cops are where it's at. Especially badass cops!

"Quick-Change Power Cops" has a MUCH better ring to it!

I can hear the kids in the schoolyards now:

Kid #1:"Hey, did you see QCPC yesterday?!! Those cops are badass!"

Kid #2:"Word, Kid #1! Hey, isn't that Michael Jackson behind those bushes?"

Someone, please tell me why I'm not working in advertising...

Posted by William @ 6/09/2005 12:55:00 AM
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