"Superman's a little too 'milkman and war bonds' for me."

So, allow me to take you down memory lane with me. Many people don't know this, but when I had my lone year of public school (7th grade), I was victimized by a bully. Sure, it was nothing out of the ordinary bullying, but I had never experienced that before. I had attended all of these utopian schools where everyone was equal and nice. Sure, I had to pay for it, but it was worth it. But now, in the throes of Parkland Middle, there was no utopia. And Avery was the asshole who made me aware of this.

You see, Avery wasn't especially big, nor was he tough. He didn't beat me up or take my lunch money, but it was more of a psychological bullying. In hindsight, if I told you some of the shit he pulled, you'd think I was stupid, but it really had an impact on me back then. He made my first semester a living Hell. I remember that Mommy even had this Bible verse she used to read every night which was supposed to make him go away or wake up covered in sores or something. I forget which book it was in. The point was that this guy, I believe, was the beginning of my whole "pessimist-depression" world tour I've been on for the past few years. Surprisingly enough, I was once a sweet, happy kid. But now I don't trust too many people.

So, why do I bring this up? Well, what do you do when you find out your former tormentor is now a flaming homosexual?

Yup. I was working at H&M the other day, and noticed this fidgety guy standing in line. Just as with any Sunday, he seemed like your average restless customer. "How do you know he's gay, Will?" Trust me; I KNOW. You didn't need a litmus test for this one, but even so, I KNOW. Anyway, he was also kinda giving me the eye. It was a cross between the "gay eye" and the "do I know you from somewhere? eye" To tell the truth, I didn't even really recognize him. But I didn't feel like getting hit on (I'm not vain, but as one of the few males working at this store, it's inevitable), so I tried to slow down my line so that he would have to end up going to another cashier. I'm a master of working the line to my advantage, but this day was not going to work out in my favor. He ended up as my next customer, thanks to the new stupid french chick who's still learning how to count american money...

Rang him up, still didn't recgnize him. But didn't make eye contact, 'cause that's when they get ya! So, he hands me his credit card, and that's when I see the name "Avery Peters". Son of a bitch. If my life had been a TV show, there would've been quite the flashback montage at that moment. And most of the images would've shown me as quite the little porker. Either way, it opened up the floodgates.

Now, I had a small window in which to react. Do I say, "Hey, remember me, cocksucker?" Surely, he wouldn't. I've tried that on other tormentors from that era, and met with similar responses. Seems like I'm the only one keeping a grudge lately. Does nobody respect the idea of an archenemy anymore?!

So, at that moment, I looked him in the eye, and I think he got it. And he seemed kind of embarassed. Maybe it's all in my head. Maybe I was simply too sexy for him. But there was a slight chill. And man did I want to say something. But at the same time, I kinda felt bad for ME. I mean, THIS was the guy who tormented me? Hindsight certainly is 20/20, and if I'd had a glimpse of the future back then, I'd probably have kicked his ass. But no. I didn't know what I know now. We've both grown, and learned from the past. We're probably not even the same people we were then. I'm certainly not. But a lot of that I blame on him, for being my "encounter phase". He ruined my innocense. At least, he ruined my happiness for quite some time. Was it all his fault? No, but I don't remember being as happy after meeting him as I had been prior. My only hope is that Karma is the bitch that I believe her to be, and I hope that cocksucker gets what's coming to him...

Posted by William @ 7/25/2006 11:44:00 PM
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"Dear Lord Baby Jesus, I'd like to thank you for my two beautiful sons: Walker and Texas Ranger."

So, there's this new trend going on in the inner cities of America: the Memorial T-Shirt. Yes, if you've lost a loved one, be it your dad, dog, or dawg, you can let the world know that they're gone but not forgotten by having their image emblazoned on a t-shirt.

I recently read an article in the City Paper about a guy who only wears memorial gear in honor of his dead dog (4 legs, shits on newspaper). He's got sweats, hoodies, etc.

Well, anyway, I was working at H&M today (yeah, I'm back @ H&M part-time; story for another time) and one of the trainees was wearing a Mem-T AND Mem-Hoodie in honor of her dad. In a way it's touching, and in a way it's a bit overbearing. I mean, what's someone supposed to say to that? Do you ignore it? I mean, it seems like something to garner attention, and it would be hard to generally "respect the privacy" and all that jazz. I mean, she's literally wearing her heart on her sleeve, and it's a size 4. All I could think of was, "So...you lost your dad, huh? Kinda sucks. But it IS cool that you've got him on a shirt. I wish I got a shirt when my dad died. I mean, all I got was an insurance settlement, but you know, a shirt's cool, too..."

Posted by William @ 7/23/2006 11:34:00 PM
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"I'm bringin' sexy back!"

Ya know, after all these years, Charo doesn't look half bad. Come on! Who's with me here? You mean you wouldn't take a trip on the Love Boat with Charo? Fine! Forget you then. I'll coochie coochie by my damn self...

Posted by William @ 7/14/2006 12:31:00 AM
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"Help me, Jesus! Help me, Jewish God! Help me, Tom Cruise! Tom Cruise, save me with your witchcraft!"

Well, I guess having "Power Rangers" on your resume doesn't get ya too far after all. You could blow up, like golden boy Michael Copon (One Tree Hill, Sketchers ads). OR, you could end up like our good friend Walter Emmanuel Jones. Yup, just 13 years ago, he was riding high as Zach Taylor, the Black Ranger. Now, he's in a PetSmart commercial. As a cashier. And he doesn't even speak to the customer. No, his lines are purely directed towards the dog. From Mastadon to Pooper Scooper in a little over a decade. Hollywood can be a cruel bitch...

Posted by William @ 7/12/2006 01:13:00 AM
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"I'm not crazy, I'm just a little unwell..."

So, this is more up Jenn or Ragnell's alley, but I noticed something that I couldn't let slide without a little attention brought to the matter. Anydangways, I was reading last month's Wizard, which had a preview for Justice League of America #1. In the preview, the Holy DC Trinity of Superman, Batman, and Wonder Woman are discussing candidates for the new league. But I noticed something as they were sorting through pictures: Wonder Woman wears nail polish. Red nail polish.

Now, at first, I thought that she wore it because it was a special occasion. I mean, a Greek/Amazon warrior princess wearing nail polish? Surely, it's because she hadn't seen Clark and Bruce in awhile, right? Well, I looked back, and Diana was also wearing nail polish when she snapped Max Lord's neck (I wish I had scans of this stuff, but my scanner's not operational right now).

It could be said that the killing of Max Lord was a "special occasion", but that would mean that she planned it when she woke up that morning, and we were led to believe that the killing was a last-ditch emergency act of violence.

So, this leads me to believe that Wonder Woman commonly wears nail polish. This makes NO SENSE whatsoever. I can't even imagine her applying the stuff, let alone sitting still for someone to do it for her. Did Xena wear nail polish? NO! It's like a half-assed attempt to make her effeminate. Like, "Yeah, she kills, but look! She's still a purty girl who likes girly things!"

I see no reason whatsoever for Diana to wear nail polish. Cassie? Sure. She's just some mallrat who was given powers. Donna Troy? Sure, she's the village bicycle of the DCU. But Diana? I call shenanigans! What practical reason would she have for wearing nail polish? In battle? Is she goth? Is she in My Chemical Romance? It just seems SO against her character. I wonder if it's some post-Crisis development that I never noticed until now...

Posted by William @ 7/05/2006 11:11:00 PM
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"Papa Spank!"

So, I'm starting to feel like the Ted McGinley of blogs. I think I've written this before, but Ted McGinley is known as a "show killer"; every show he's added to, with the exception of "Married..with Children", is cancelled soon after his addition to the cast. See also: "Rena Sofer" (go ahead, IMDB her. I'll wait). Well, I'm starting to feel that I've taken on that role regarding blog threads.

Many people may not know, but I'd really like a comic friend (cue audience "aww" sound). That may sound lame, but people like to surround themselves with people with similar interests. When I was a trekkie, I had my trekkies. Now, I'd really like someone on my comic level.

Now, I'm not trying to be all arrogant about it when I say "my level", but it's no secret that I've sublimated a LOT of social angst into learning about this medium. I'd simply like to meet another current/former social outcast with a similar love of comics.

Well, lately, I've tried to take James's advice. He always said, "Well, if you want to increase readership, you have to comment on other people's blogs." I'm not exactly an extrovert, but it's a faceless, painless process, so I went for it. But I swear, every time I comment on a post, it's either ignored and/or kills the thread.

I kid you not. Go over to Dave's Long Box. Head over to Written World. Check out Seven Hells or The Absorbascon. Even the Marvel boards. Peruse the comment threads. I'm some kind of blogging pariah.

And it's not like I have stupid things to say. I engage in the conversation. I offer intelligent points and counterpoints. I'm not some novice when it comes to comics. I've been in this game for 14 years! Sure, I may not be the ultimate fanboy, but this is really starting to suck.

Now, I don't want pity comments or anything from this. It's just an observation. I don't blame the owners of the blogs; I LOVE those sites, and wouldn't visit them if I didn't. But who do you have to sleep with to get some attention on a comics blog? Two main exceptions come to mind: Ragnell was welcoming during "lurking week" and I had quite an enjoyable tete-a-tete with Jenn the other night. But otherwise, it's kind of disheartening. I mean, I kissed Gail Simone's ass the other night, and not even a patronizing honorable mention. I guess I'm going about this all wrong...

Posted by William @ 7/03/2006 11:02:00 PM
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