"If he dies, he dies."

So, I have neither the energy nor the internet connection to sit through typing the adventure I teased a few weeks ago. Don't worry; it's coming. But for now, I thought I'd go for a stream-of-consciousness post. Jenn calls hers "Cerebrogenesis" or something like that. I give you:

BRAINFARTS

-Why is it that, when people adopt little girls from China, they always get them that "Joyce DeWitt" haircut? I mean, do they come like that? Are there care instructions of which I am unaware?

-Why is the movie called "Idlewild"? Why didn't they just call it what it really is: "Negron Rouge"?

-Man, was I wrong about "Snakes on a Plane" being the next best thing since Tivo.

-Man, was I wrong about Tivo.

-I'm about to stop watching TV. First, they cancel Blind Date & Elimidate, the shows that taught me to never count out the healing power of a hot tub. Then, they cancel Stargate SG-1, the show which cured me of my Trekitis. And now, they get rid of Horatio Sanz, Chris Parnell, and Maya Rudolph on SNL?!! The SG-1 announcement gets to me the most. This is a show that, for the past 4 years, has always written itself as if it were its last season. The last 4 season finales were meant as "show enders". Sci-Fi KNEW that! And the one time the show sets itself up to actually extend into another season, Sci-Fi pulls the rug out from under them =(

-Philly is a REALLY dirty city.

-"Celebrity Duets" ain't half bad, and I have an unhealthy affinity for Little Richard now.

-"MyNetwork TV" is the worst idea I've ever heard of. A network that shows nothing but translated Spanish soaps. Starring Morgan Fairchild. Fox isn't even trying anymore...

-52's good, but it ain't THAT good.

-The DCU is like a cafeteria-style meal. You take one of the Big Three (Batman, Superman, Wonder Woman) as your entree, and then you can add on sides dishes, like the "funny Justice League", or the GL Corps, or the Legion. But you MUST have one of the Big Three. Beware: Wonder Woman's the equivalent of the fish entree that they give to senior citizens. And it's got bones.

-So, am I supposed to like Ray Nagin, or not? 'Cause I could really go either way.

-Why is there no "craigslit.org"? The adult entertainment industry is missing out on a virtual goldmine!

-I guess there are enough fucked up people on craigslist.

-The "Alcoholic Sweats" would be a great name for a band.

-I wanna be a wedding singer.

-So, Jennine's married now. Huh. Well, uh...if you're still reading this thing, "Congrats!"

-Next person who announces an engagement gets a kidney punch.

-Destination wedding, my ass! I need witnesses!

-Professor Oglivee marries Mo'nique in "The Parkers" series finale?

-Man, Jenna Von Oy had a phat ass!

-Of course, I'd watch the black show for the white girl...

-Shit, I've gotta wake up in 4 hrs!

Posted by William @ 8/30/2006 12:08:00 AM
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"It's all fun and games until somebody gets the HIV."

Too sleepy to blog, but I thought I'd give ya a teaser of what's to come ('cause I've been SO great at following up on these teases in the past; oh well...)

Next time on williambrucewest.com:

"Dude, there's NO proof that I gave you a virus!"

"Oh, by 'fruity beverage', you meant alcohol? I thought we were talking about smoothies!"

"Jackie Joyner-Kersey!"

"Muhlissa! Ring-a-ding-ding! Hickory, dickory dock!"

"'Laguna Beach', it's over! So, why don't you guys go back inside, suck each others' dicks and go to sleep?"

"I don't know, Officer, but it wasn't THIS White car."

"Get out, you fuckin' faggot, and take your Mr. Rogers-lookin' friend with ya!"

"White Power!"

"What you wearin', girl? I bet you got on a headset, don't you?"

"Underwater Ninja!"

All this and MORE, next time, on williambrucewest.com!

Posted by William @ 8/15/2006 12:37:00 AM
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"It's either French, or you're speaking with clicks!"

So, I'm gonna go for the double-whammy this time. For me and my constituents, I present the pop culture post. For any stragglers from the Reappropriate set, I give you the racism post. All wrapped in one. The topic of today's post? Winston Zeddmore.

Yes, Winston Zeddmore, played by Ernie Hudson (voiced by Arsenio Hall, natch!), is also known as "The Black Ghostbuster". But to look at most of the promotional pics of the Ghostbusters movie franchise, Mr. Zeddmore is given the short shrift. Now, growing up, I was much more well-versed in the animated Ghostbusters universe than the movies. Sure, I'd seen the movies, especially Ghostbusters 2, since Channel 5 showed that piece of shit every 6 weeks. In any regard, I lived for the cartoon. There was more attention given to Slimer, Egon was an alibino, and they even explained why/how Jeanine had changed over the years (best.episode.ever).What's not to love? But as I got older, it became harder to watch the cartoons. Even learning that they were written by J. Michael Strazcynski, of Babylon 5 fame, was not enough to keep my attention. Plainly put, I had outgrown The Real Ghostbusters.

Not willing to give up on my past so quickly, I turned to the motion picture Ghostbusters universe. A darker place, where Slimer only had cameos, The Stay-Puft Marshmallow Man was NOT an adorable mascot, and the black guy was just background scenery.

Now, let's get something straight. I didn't grow up wanting to be Winston. Nope, I wanted to be Egon, and if not him, then Peter. But I was glad that there was a Black guy. Sure, he didn't do much, but he was there. Kinda how Indian kids must've felt about Haji in the Johnny Quest cartoons. His presence was enough for me. At least, in the cartoon. But the movies were a different story. As far as the movies, he was simply a precursor for Morgan Freeman. All the fool did was drive the damn car! As I've aged, it's become clear that Winston Zeddmore was nothing but an affirmative-action hire.

I doubt you'd find anybody who, following a Ghostbusters viewing, would proclaim Winston as a hero to them. Nope. Nobody. Not even that crackhead on the corner. In fact, here's a crackhead's interpretation of Ghostbuster cool factor: "Muthafucka wit da glasses? Dat fucka was smart, son! Bitch who looked like dat dude from Groundhog Day? That playa was hilarious, son!"

I'll bet it even extends to the supporting characters: "That bitch from Aliens? I'd hit dat. The bitch who answered the phones? I'd hit dat twice. Even that muthfucka from Honey I Shrunk The Kids was dope, yo." (PLEASE, somebody find me a crackhead who references Honey, I Shrunk The Kids!)But ask the crackhead about Winston. "The brotha? Man, all that nigga did was drive the muthfuckin' car."

Face it, in the movie universe, there is no important role for Winston. I was reading the wiki entry for the movie, and they claim that Winston was supposed to be hired earlier in the film, but they waited until later because they wanted to show that the 3 guys had rteally fallen off their game and needed the extra help. "Extra help"?! All he did was DRIVE THE CAR. And it wasn't even a cool car, like K.I.T.T. Don't get me wrong, I'd go for a ride in the Ecto-1 in a heartbeat, but the thing was a repainted hearse with a siren on top. Not an ambulance, like some people believe, but a hearse. That's some morbid shit. It gets worse and worse for poor Winston. The man is a glorified funeral director, driving around a bunch of crazy White guys who "bust" ghosts.

I think that was the most interesting aspect of Movie Winston: He didn't even really believe in ghosts. He just needed a quick buck. The dude had been an NYC firefighter, and if ya ask me, he left that line of work not a minute too soon (OK, so it was 15 years sooner than he had to, but you get the point...). But he was of the mind of, "You crazy White dudes are gonna pay me to put on this jumpsuit as we 'bust ghosts'?" He figured he needed to get while the gettin' was good. Which, I guess, is still bad because it paints him as some layabout who's out for an easy dollar. I don't think he even realized he was strapping a nuclear reactor to his back.

But even outside of the storyline, my disdain extends to the real world aspects of the movie. Ernie Hudson gets next to no billing for that film. It's Bill Murray, Harold Ramis, Dan Ackroyd, Sigourney Weaver, and in some cases even Annie Potts and Rick Moranis. "Ernie Hudson" is only listed when EVERYBODY is listed. He's like right above the Gaffer. And I can't look at him, to this day, without thinking, "Man, those dudes didn't treat you right." I mean, I guess he knew what he signed up for, and I'm glad he never had any of those popular delusions of "I'm opening new doors for the depiction of Blacks in film." Hell, if he'd just been "Angry Black Guy", a cliche we all know and love (Hi, Sam Jackson), he would've made more of an impact than "The black dude who drives the Ghostbusters around."

The original script was written with Eddie Murphy in mind, but prior commitments prevented that. Now, I wonder if they would've shoved Eddie in the same role, or if he would've been "Wise-cracking, jive-talking, streetwise Black guy? Maybe he'd put a banana in an exhaust pipe, and then run off to China as they clean his royal penis. I wonder if Ernie Hudson wakes up nights, terrified by how badly he failed to fill the shoes of Eddie Murphy. It makes one wonder "what might have been". Almost as much as the fact that "Beverly Hills Cop" was written for Sylvester Stallone, but that's a story for another time...

Posted by William @ 8/06/2006 01:35:00 AM
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