"You must not know 'bout me, you must not know 'bout me..."

I abso-fucking-lutely adore Love, Actually. I was up until 4 this morning watching that thing, which is sad considering a) I own it and b) I've drunkenly watched it at least twice within the past 2 weeks. It's great because I always notice something new with each viewing. Plus, I fall madly in love with a different female character each time.

I first saw it in the theatre, back during NYC Tour '03 when I was looking for toy jobs (man, did that go nowhere!). For some reason, I was drawn to Laura Linney's character, Sarah. Sure, she was kind of mousy, but I could somehow relate to the issue of pining for someone, and everyone in creation knows, but worrying that your family/life circumstances might fuck things up. The idea that this one person or situation might make you happier than you've ever been, but maybe you aren't *supposed* to be happy. Twisted, I know, but that's how I related to the character, and to her as an actress. She's done a ton of stuff, but I didn't notice her until her office crush on Karl was outed by the delightful Alan Rickman.

Speaking of Rickman, let me also say that I fell in love with his delivery in this movie. Sure, he's in Dogma (my least favorite Smith film) and some other stuff, but his subtlety spoke volumes here. And while I didn't fall in love with her, the lust/danger factor of his assistant, played by Heike Makatsch, is incredible. She's both weird looking and the sexiest thing ever, all at the same time.

When I bought the DVD, I found myself CRAZY for Keira Knightley. Sure, she'd been in Bend it Like Beckham, but she wasn't exactly attractive. Well, she was, but there wasn't exactly anything feminine about her. I still remember how the trades referred to her as "The world's sexiest tomboy beanpole." Not exactly a ringing endorsement. It's like how porn sites call ugly chicks "exotic". But in Love, Actually, she is so cute it hurts. And, once again, I could sort of understand the issue of loving someone and watching them get married, knowing that your shot is pretty much gone. I mean, the scene where Mark reveals his feelings via cue cards makes me heart hurt.

All in all, my favorite girl in the whole place is Martine McCutcheon, who plays Natalie. The Natalie/Prime Minister pairing is especially great for me, because I think I love Hugh Grant as much as I love Martine. I have *always* had a thing for Martine, dating all the way back to her years on Eastenders (I'll never forgive those blimey bastards for letting her character get hit & killed by that car!). Since I follow British gossip, I think reality sort of seeps in and I feel bad for her, knowing how little luck she's had in love (wiki her for more details).

In any case, I think she is utterly perfect. I mean, she is the bee's knees, yet the whole movie, her family's calling her fat and she's getting felt up by the American president. I just want to swoop in and save her. But if I can't do it, then I can think of no better man than Hugh Grant. It wins the prize for the "cute love story", but I'm always amazed that Martine meets the British equivalent of "overweight". That's a crying shame...

Runner-up for cuteness would have to be Jack and Judy. I mean, anytime you can spend weeks together, filming simulated sex scenes, but can't exactly muster the courage to kiss the woman good night, well that's just mindfuckingly precious.

Now, for the title of "most beautiful love story", that completely goes to Aurelia and Jamie. I mean, the whole "love is a universal language" theme could be a bit heavy-handed, but I still think it's so heartwarming. The scene where he's about to drive her home, and remarks that the drive is his favorite part of his day, while she responds that leaving him is the saddest part of her day. They don't know what the other is saying, but they're still on the same page. *Sigh* As far as Aurelia, I go back and forth on her with each viewing. Sometimes, she looks sort of like a rat, while others she is the most beautiful creature to ever speak Portugese.

Now, I know some might disagree with me, but I always feel like the most useless parts of the movie are Colin coming to America (it's funny, but unnecessarily ruins the flow of things) and Sam falling for the little halfie Joanna who sings better than Mariah Carey (interesting fact: Olivia Olson sang the song so well that the producers didn't think anyone would believe that it was her. As a result, they actually taught her to sing it a bit less refined so that the audience would believe it was being sung by a real 12 yr old.). Don't get me wrong, I love the Colin stuff, as well as any chance to see January Jones or Ivana Miličević (Head Over Heels, great movie, btw!). And I think the Sam stuff is cute, but we're talking about a 3 hr movie here! If you cut out all the unnecessary stuff about Liam Neeson's wife dying and the subsequent bonding with Sam, you could shave a good 30 mins off. I know that the Christmas play was the unifying force that got all of the players together, but it could have been done without the Sam stuff. And watching that final airport stuff always makes me think "you could never pull this off post-9/11", which is odd considering the movie was written as a response to 9/11.

Anyway, I'm losing focus because I think this thing might be my favorite movie of all time, yet I know a lot of people disagree with me (just as with Moulin Rouge), so I'll cease my ramblings here. I close, though, saying that Bill Nighy should have won an Oscar for his role as Billy Mack! It is one of the best performances of 2003, and I really think he was the star of the movie. From his disdain for his own single to his realization of his love for his manager, he really played every facet of his aged rocker character. Plus, (and only the Brits will get this reference) he took the piss from Blue, live with "Ant or Dec". I really wish someone would find a project for Ant & Dec in America...

Posted by William @ 5/29/2007 06:13:00 PM
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"And when the sky is falling, don't look outside your window."

So, I actually posted the other night, but due to a faulty wifi connection, it has been lost to space. Yup, no backup and nothing in the drafts folder. It sucks, too, because it was pretty stream of consciousness. I don't even remember what it was about at this point.

Anyway, I've been watching a lot of TV lately, and this is sort of my State of the Television Address:

1) On Dress My Nest, former Queer Eye decorator Thom Filicia redesigns womens' living areas to reflect their clothing style. This premise sounds sort ot hokey, but I'll go with it. My problem, though, is with his assistant, Erika. I've read a lot of reviews on the show, and the general conclusions is that she's probably there for Thom to bounce ideas off of, yet comes off sort of useless.

After watching the past 6 episodes, I've come to realize what she *really* is: She's Thom's hag. You see, we've got this whole stereotyped culture where no gay man is complete without his best galpal. And there's the counter stereotype that no Big City single woman is complete without her "gay husband". Yet, what strikes me is that Erika is very attractive. Not your standard hag material, which then made me realize that she's the worst kind of hag: she's single hottie hag who's high maintenance as Hell. She's the chick who just can't find that "perfect guy", and falls in love with Thom between her failed relationships. He ain't having it, and would rather help her pick out a new pair of shoes. Or maybe this is all in my head and I'm going too far...

2) I don't think there's a better comedy than Scrubs on TV. That said, I find that Scrubs is usually so wrapped up in gimmicks that the special gimmick episodes don't work. Case in point, the "sitcom" parody episode was on last night, and it's really not that funny. I'm not sure if it was supposed to be unfunny, as a sort of slight at the genre, or if the formula just didn't work for them. Scrubs never would have made it as a multi-camera, live-studio-audience sitcom. Then again, Three's Company never would have made it as a single camera, non-laughtracked comedy. The musical episode of Scrubs also left a lot to be desired.

3) Man, what happened to The Riches? It started out so promising, and now I don't even care anymore. I feel that's the problem with most shows on FX. They are all about these amoral, anti-hero characters, that you don't know whether you want to root for them or see them get caught in their lies. Nip/Tuck, Rescue Me, the Shield, Dirt, The Riches... all of these shows are mired in this, and while it has proven successful, I wish FX would stop going back to the well.

4) I feel bad for the employees of work-based reality shows who *don't* get to be cast members. From Inked, to King of Cars, to Work Out, there are people who work at these establishments who just aren't considered "TV" enough to be featured. How does this happen? I mean, do they film really early before the rest of the employees get to work? Do they give them paid days off to repay them for stealing their shot at fame?

If you hop over to www.skysportspa.com, you'll see that there are about 22 trainers working for Jackie Warner, yet only 7 are in the Work Out cast. Now, I understand the need to keep things contained, but I'd love to swap out a few people. Erika contributed almost nothing to this season, so I'd love to replace her with Aimet, who appears to be the most ripped Black woman I've ever seen. In fact, Aimet and a few other of the female trainers snuck into episode 2 this season, when Jackie decided to have her girls night slumber party. They still didn't let Aimet speak, though. I think they should rotate the cast in and out, because I like the show, but I'm tired of most of the trainers.

5) I am all about the Andy Griffith Show right now. I'm not sure why, but something about its downhome sensibility hits all the right notes lately. Also, Sheriff Taylor has some beautiful girlfriends, from Ellie the Pharmacist to Teach Extraordinaire, Helen Crump. It's amazing that such a slackjawed everyman pulled women like that. Don't get me wrong; I know that Andy Griffith was considered a handsome man back then, but there was something very "Clark Kent" about that role. Almost like they didn't want him to come off too suave, so instead, he becomes this slow, drawling nice guy.

6) Speaking of frumping up for a role, I've had a real hard time watching I Love Lucy in recent years. The more I learn about that cast, the more I wish the show had been a reality show moreso than a sitcom. First, Vivian Vance was the hot one, but was uglied up so that she wouldn't overshadow Lucille Ball. Vance had the more established career, until that show came along and pretty much had her typecast for life. Also, though, anytime I see a Fred & Ethel scene, it's weird knowing that they're not acting. William Frawley *hated* Vivian Vance, and on numberous occasions, referred to her as "That cunt". Sure, it's a classic sitcom, but I'm wondering "what if?" What if Vance had broken out as a sitcom star? What if she had been cast as Lucy? Would she have, then, married Desi Arnaz instead? It boggles the mind...

7) How I Met Your Mother is renewed for another season! Rock on! This actually wasn't a surprise to me. I had a conversation with a guy from CBS last week, and I asked him about the fates of The Class and HIMYM. So, when CBS made the announcement yesterday, I was in the know. Man, it's nice to actually "know a guy".

8) Nick @ Nite's qualifications are really starting to piss me off. So, everything I grew up with is now on N@N, yet there are glaring omissions. Family Matters? Hogan Family? Alf? My Two Dads? I know that these things are wrapped up in contracts, but it seems like Nick's hurting when they resort to showing AFV. I mean, America's Funniest Videos already comes on 2 other cable networks, which *aren't* owned by Viacom, so what's the need to take away a valuable N@N slot with something you can already see 3 times a day. it would be like giving Seinfeld a N@N slot (which, mark my words, should be about 3 years away.)

9)I think The CW or MyNetworkTV should buy up all of the TNBC library and run it weekday afternoons. People my age don't realize it, but there aren't any kids programs on basic TV in the afternoon anymore. Fox Kids was sold to Disney back in 2002, Kids WB went weekend only back in 2005. The only programming is on PBS, and it's mostly for toddlers. The Saved by the Bell rights are always snatched up since it's considered this "classic", but I would kill a man to see California Dreams again. Or Hang Time. Or City Guys. Or even the horrible Malibu, CA or USA High (not TNBC, but still Peter Engel shows). When Aaron Spelling died, people always spoke of how many shows he'd created. That's great and all, but when Peter Engel passes away, I hope he gets the same accolades. The man single-handedly programmed NBC's Saturday morning for more than 10 years. Sure, a lot of it was crap, but so were most of Aaron Spelling's creations.

10)Everyone's worried about global warming. OK, I'll take on a lesser cause. I'm worried about syndication. There used to be a rule that, to be syndicated, a show needed to be on the air for 3 seasons OR 100 episodes (whichever comes first). 3 seasons would yield about 66-70 episodes, but once you hit the 100 mark, you were set for life. That's why Tina Yothers doesn't work. That Family Ties money is still rolling in. You won't be rich, but you won't starve either.

Nowadays, though, shows aren't lasting that long. It used to be that I could predict which shows would be entering sydication the next season. Then, the internet came about, and it would announce these things. But the cold, hard truth is that we're running out of shows for syndication. These slots are being filled by court shows. Around here, *nothing* entered syndication this year. All they did was shuffle what was already there. Will & Grace, Girlfriends, Friends, Raymond...Nothing new.

Next fall, there's Chappelle and Family Guy. One is good and one is bad. Family Guy has enough episodes to keep it nightly, but Chappelle only has about 30 epsiodes available. This can't be "stripped" (meaning shown 5 days a week) because you'd burn through it in a month. Hence, this is the type of show that you put on Saturday nights, after the news and Mad TV. When no one's watching. Plus, it'll be cut for syndication (all syndicated episodes are trimmed about 2 mins to make room for commercials) and edited for content.

I'm not saying that I want crap shows to last just for us to have syndicated shows (this actually happens a lot, especially when a studio is trying to recoup their money). I am saying, however, that we need to find alternative show sources. Maybe go back to the 80's concept of 1st-run syndication. This is when you take a show that has never been on a network before, and you just put it on a crap station like a former UPN affiliate during a saturday afternoon. Small Wonder, Hercules, Too Close For Comfort, Mama's Family, Xena and Baywatch were all successful in first-run syndi. Also, game shows, like Jeopardy & "The Wheel" are considered 1st-run syndi. I know that "Tyler Perry's House of Payne" is adopting the concept this summer, but it's also simulcast on TBS, so it really doesn't count.

If we don't act now, what will our fat children watch on the weekends, as they resist our pleas for them to go out and play? What about the kids?!

Posted by William @ 5/16/2007 11:42:00 AM
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