"Goodbyes shouldn't happen over the phone."

Not much going on right now, as I've been pretty busy with work. I will say, however, that the beautiful Ms. Anna threw a pretty cool White Party on her roof for Memorial Day. There are pics scattered across the internet, but that's not why we're here. I've got something else in mind for today's blurb: Music post!

-The Lil Wayne/Kanye "Lollipop" remix is so hot it brings tears to my eyes. Oh man, is that a hot track! I'm scared the song's heading into "Umbrella" territory, as it's got about 3 remixes right now, but the Kanye one is the real deal.

-Nelly and Fergie, huh? Well, it's clearly a Nelly track, as it follows his usual lyrical progressions. I'll say, though, that Fergie certainly holds her own. And in the middle, where they both earn their membership in Bone Thugs & Harmony? Beautiful!

-OK, major points to Usher for making the "Moving Mountains" video a direct continuation of the "Love In This Club" video. I do, however, need some kind of explanation. First off, where the Hell is this club located? It burns down, and he's in the Alps? How exactly did that club burn down, anyway? Shouldn't Usher be all broken up by how his cameo friends, like Robin Thicke, Diddy, and Kanye are probably all dead? And if they arent dead, shouldn't he be pissed they left his ass in the Alps with nothing but a leather jacket? Plus, as much as I love continuity, the 2 songs are too thematically different to work back to back. In the first single, he's trying to get a girl to do him in the bathroom of a club, but this single is a love ballad about how he's so lonely? Well, take this hint for next time: don't ask a chick to do you in a public restroom. Could've saved yourself some heartache there, Mr. Raymond! I just hope the next video is Part III of this saga, as I'd really like to know how he gets off that damn mountain...

-A classic that's begging to be sampled is "Saturday Night" by the Bay City Rollers. You doubt me? Give it a listen. I'll wait.

- I'd really like to test the limits of the Auto-Tune phenomenon. People act like the technology was just invented, as it's everywhere. That said, I'd like to issue a challenge. I'd like to record myself reading the book of Genesis, with Auto-Tune, with a Casio keyboard providing the backing track. I'll have the number song come Labor Day.

-So, the complete version of Donnie Klang's "Dr. Love" finally leaked. I gotta say, for all that he did for Day26 and Danity Kane, Diddy really dropped the ball on Donnie's tracks. And the lyrics? On the way to the club-of-the-night, Jeff and I used to freestyle lyrics to the instrumental, and I can say that, on our worst night, we came up with more imaginative lyrics than the end result on that single. Let's hope the rest of the album, combined with the stuff produced by Seven, will redeem the whole thing.

-Back in the '80s, nobody made a soundtrack song quite like DeBarge. Sure, their main hit is "Rhythm of the Night" from The Last Dragon, but many forget that they also gave us "Who's Johnny", from Short Circuit.

-OK, anyone who knew me in college knows that I sacrificed my freshman year GPA in the pursuit of one goal: to build the ultimate 80s music collection. I was going to put Cool Rock and Red Hot, and every Time-Life infomercial collection to shame. In fact, I went to their websites, downloaded the track listings, and finished the job with Napster. Good, old free Napster. Well, I burned most of those songs on Comp USA CD-Rs - the old school, "blue underside" kind. Turns out, those were probably the shittiest CD-R's around, next to PNY Technologies. They say CD's you burn yourself only have about a 10 year shelf-life, and these are proving that theory. So, I'm finding myself having to rebuild a good chunk of that work, this time without Napster. Part of me doesn't even care anymore, but another part hates the idea of quitting, so I guess I'm going back into the laboratory and resuming that project.

-A Hot 99.5 DJ pointed this out in a commercial bumper, but I ahte myself for not realizing it first: Chris Brown's "Forever" takes on a whole new meaning if you think of it as a response track to Rihanna's "Please Don't Stop the Music". It's like they're sending each other love notes through song or some junk.

-Is it just me, or does the whole "Fugees Sitar Sample" NOT fit in Wyclef's "Fast Car"? It's like he was so scared we wouldn't know it was a Wyclef track that he was compelled to include that. Dude, that shit was 12 years ago! If you have to reference something that long ago, you have a serious branding issue on your hands. Dear Wyclef, it's not like you're the Quad City DJs or something! You don't need cheap gimmicks for us to know who you are! In other news, how's that Fugees reunion coming along?

-"American Boy", by Estelle - the Brits do it again! There are 2 styles the UK pulls off that the rest of the world dare not try: 1) neo funk disco and 2) pop songs with trumpets. This song is a great example of the former.

-Gavin DeGraw's got more soul than anyone knows what to do with. At times, he might come off as somewhat of a joke, as his image doesn't exactly match his sound. Plus, he almost took a hit with the "theme song curse" - typically, when an artist's song is chosen as the them for a TV show ("I Don't Wanna Be", One Tree Hill seasons 1-4), it becomes their one and only (and eventually annoying) hit. Just listen to that song, though; there are parts where he really just souls out. On the stripped disc, there's a track of him doing Sam Cooke's "A Change is Gonna Come". I've been trying to track that mp3 down for about 3 years, but I just know, without even hearing it, that the boy did justice to that song.

-Seeing as how summer is now upon us, isn't it time for DJ Sammy to butcher another 80s classic? OK, maybe "butcher" is too harsh, but anyone can add a beat to a Bryan Adams song. His scam is almost as deplorable as Auto-Tune-Gate. Anyway, my money's on something from the Richard Marx catalog. "Right Here Waiting" is too easy. If he wants to be edgy, he should go after "Hold On To the Nights". If he really wants to be experimental, though, I could totally hear a tranced out "Silent Running" by Mike & the Mechanics.

Posted by William @ 5/28/2008 12:35:00 AM
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"You used Ghostbusters for evil!"

I'm beginning to realize that I don't like the new Ryan Seacrest. Maybe you haven't noticed, but Ryan Seacrest, the brand, is a lot different from the surfer dude from the days of yore. Rewind to 2003, and we've got a guy who's just glad that he has a job. Fresh off canceled game shows such as Gladiators 2000 and Click, he was a drive-time DJ who always had a smile, and seemed to appreciate every moment. Now, you've got this suit-wearing, multimedia impressario who's poised to take over the entertainment world. On the fast-track to becoming the next Merv Griffin, Seacrest has his American Idol gig, owns 8 restaurants, he's the exec producer of E! News, Keeping Up With the Kardashians & Denise Richards' show, he's the host of America's Top 40, he's got his syndicated On Air radio show, and there's the persistent rumor that he's raking over for Larry King on CNN. No, not Billy Bush, or anyone else who might be his contemporary; LARRY f'ing KING! Do you know what that guy's demographic is? Plus, Larry has somewhat of a journalism background, so he's got cred. To even imagine putting Seacrest in that role is as ill-conceived as replacing Rather with Couric. Sure, he's a decent interviewer, but I feel Seacrest has lost a lot of what made him personable. They keep hinting at the fact that Idol needs to be retooled, and Seacrest being ousted is on the table. They might be on to something, as he's just not relatable anymore. At times, he seems just as out of place as the musical-guest-of-the-week (Neil Diamond? Really?). Seacrest 2.0 is like your friend's cool older brother, who used to buy you beer and porn, but now spends his weekends test driving Volvos and shopping for khakis since getting that i-banking job.

Lately, a favorite pastime of mine is listening to Casey Kasem's America's Top 40: The Eighties. Locally, it's on 102.7, but I'm sure it's syndicated all over the place. Basically, it replays the old '80s countdowns, from the same calendar week. Yesterday's countdown was from May 18th, 1985. The beauty of the countdown is you can see whether or not those "rising stars" flamed out or actually made something of themselves. Plus, you hear a bunch of songs from hit artists that are supposed to be "their next huge hit", but actually flopped. Last night, I discovered Alison Moyet's "Invisible". She was pretty much the Anastacia of the era, as she was "the soulful white girl". I guess there was only room for one Taylor Dayne back then. Good song, though. Plus, Casey introduced us to "the first hit from Katrina & the Waves". I laughed about 5 minutes for that comment. It's also funny to see that not everything touched by Billy Ocean, Hall & Oates, or Rick Springfield turned to gold, regardless of what those late-nite infomercials would lead us to believe. This week's recommendation from the countdown, however, has to be Foreigner's "That Was Yesterday." If you remember the scene in Rocky IV where Rocky's racing down the highway, reminiscing about Apollo, then you know this song. It gets lost in the 80s mix, but it's one of the goodies.

Anybody else notice that the Cornell chick, Fury, isn't on American Gladiators anymore? And why is Zen missing from Work Out? I love how these shows are "reality" until someone goes missing, and then mum's the word.

So, it's finale season. It's a bit anticlimactic, seeing as how the strike killed a good third of the season. That said, I still love a good cliffhanger to hold me over until Fall:

The Office: ya know, I'm a somewhat occasional visitor to this universe, so it wasn't as shocking to me as it might be to you Officephiles out there. I do think Ryan's had an amazing character arc, as he has gone from decent guy to douchebag. When the show started, you could've sided with either Ryan or Jim, but now Jim's the clear winner. I'm going to have to catch up with this series over the summer.

30 Rock: Somewhat disappointing. Jack goes to work for the lame duck Bush Administration, while Liz has a pregnancy scare (2 weeks, mind you, after the theatrical release of Baby Mama).

The Big Bang Theory: This show was a lot better earlier in the season, when Sheldon wasn't as obnoxious, while Leonard had more interactions with Penny. What started as a nouveau Three's Company quickly turned into Geek Will & Grace, with sidekicks stealing the spotlight. It seems like they were trying to return to the original formula in the end, but I was kind of over the potential of a Leonard-Penny union. Plus, if you're gonna do it, you don't sell the farm at the end of the first season. That's a season 5 development right there.

How I Met Your Mother: She's not the mom. Love her to death, but she's not the mom. As much as I love this show, I feel the past 3 weeks have been a bit of a letdown. Thank God they got that pickup for next season, as this would've been a pretty shitty way to end the series. That said, a sitcom can't last, successfully, more than 7 seasons. A sitcom with a built-in plot device (i.e. man has to right the wrongs of his life, father explains courtship to kids, man pretends to be married to secure promotion, etc) tends to have an even shorter shelf life. Considering this show has been on the bubble every season of its existence, they really need to plan next season as its last. It doesn't have to end just because we meet the mom, but we do need to meet her before it's too late.

One Tree Hill: This show does angst better than anything on TV right now. Laugh all you want, but it's still here. Besides Smallville, it's the longest running show on The CW. It weathered the merger, survived the 5 year time leap, and is currently experiencing a creative & ratings high. This season also introduced the amazing character of Millicent, a woman so great that I'd give my left foot to be with her if she existed. In any case, it was your standard OTH finale, with a bunch of false start happy endings, capped off with the big bad thing. I swear, though, I hope Dan's dead for good now. For the last 4 years, it's been Dan gets drugged and burned, Dan goes to jail, but never Dan finally dying. I think it's time. Guess we'll see in the Fall...

Posted by William @ 5/19/2008 02:21:00 PM
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"And where did that get Jackie O? Covered in brain."

Has anyone seen The Bad Girls Club on Oxygen? Holy shit, those girls have behavioral issues! My problem with the show, however, is that it's the "March of the Butterfaces". Yes, I'm sure I sound shallow, but I've never seen such a pronounced example of the phenomenon. The house is filled with about 5 ROCKING bodies, attached to some of the roughest faces you could imagine. Faces carved out of granite and acne. One of them looks like a Mexican tranny, while another looks like a Persian tranny, with HORRENDOUS, evil villain eyebrows. It's like one big post-op lovefest. But, Damn, can those girls fight! You ever seen that girl in the club, who ain't the prettiest, but is built like a brick house? Stay away, 'cause if she gets mad, she will knock the shit out of you with a glass, while letting her friend get carted off to jail for the offense. Those chicks are that gangsta!

So, they announced that Jennie Garth is headed back to 90210, in the spin-off that The CW is developing. That's all well and good, but I'm a bigger fan of round-the-way connections with these spin-offs. Everyone wants the former stars because they want to see who's washed up enough to come crawling back. I, however, would much rather see the peripheral people come back. Have Emily Valentine as a tough-as-nails lesbian gym teacher. Have the Ghost of cowboy hat-wearing Scott roaming the halls of West Beverly. Remember back when Brandon was banging his married professor (portrayed by the beautiful Dina Meyer)? Have her come back for one of those ripped-from-the-headlines "teacher bangs her students" special episodes.

I did something this weekend that I'm already regretting. I've wanted it for so long, but the minute it was achieved, I knew I'd made a mistake: I got a Blackberry. Now, there are some pros: no more worrying about internet monitoring at work; website posts on the go; it's a kickass little piece of gadgetry, etc.

There are also cons: I am basically borderline OCD. I do not need something that I have to check every time I hear the semblance of the little noise it makes when I get a message. I'm already text crazy, and now I've got 3 e-mail addresses channeled into one location. And the worst thing is that I can't even begin to justify the cost. I could check my e-mail on my regular phone, albeit it took longer. There's no way in Hell I'm syncing it to my work e-mail, so it's not like it's going to help my professional productivity. I'm not some wheeler-dealer on the go. My most important "business" is in facebook and Myspace. I probably could've gotten by with a Sidekick or something.Did I mention I can't even begin to justify the cost of this?

Oh well, it's done now. I never got around to writing this (it's from the "lost post" I was supposed to write back in Feb, about how I thought I was going to die; it's coming), but I lost my last, sexy-ass phone in a cab in NYC. I had every intention of buying it again, as it was so damn sexy! Stainless steel, blue backlight, slim...I would get that phone drunk and steal its panties, it was so hot! But Verizon would've had to order it, and I'm impatient. Plus, the marginal cost of just going up to the Blackberry was pretty small. It's the data package I had to add on to the contract that's gonna bite me in the ass. Anyway, I always wanted one, and now I have one. I guess dreams do come true. But knowing my life, this is going to turn into a nightmare. It has already begun, as it appears I can't sync Hotmail on a BB. WTF...

Posted by William @ 5/11/2008 07:57:00 PM
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"When I get to Nova Scotia, I might as well just take my pants off at the airport."

It was an interesting weekend. Some we'll talk about, some we'll save for later. In any case, there were 2 sights that stuck with me:

1) A minivan whipped around a corner, driven by somebody's grandman, blasting Clay Aiken. I mean blasting. What ever's the opposite of bassing ("trebling"?), this was it. The icing on the cake, however, was the vanity plate that said "Claym8". Now, I've certainly heard of the Claymates (Clay's legion of fans, similar to Barry's "Fanilows"), but I never thought they really existed. I thought they were mythical beings, like unicorns and black Republicans. Yet and still, before my eyes, I was seeing the end of civilization. Which was only seconded by #2...

2) On the way to work on Sat, I passed a Chrysler being driven by a sad, old clown. An old clown. Driving a damn car. Nowhere near a circus. Maybe he was as distraught with humanity as I. Maybe he'd just driven by the Claym8 chick. In any regard, there's nothing like a sad clown to really get your day off to a bad start. Clowns really can't win. A happy clown is creepy, while a sad clown is offputting.

Who knew there was such thriving nightlife in Frederick?

Ladies, as we head into warmer weather, remember this important tip: if you don't have ankles, you shouldn't be wearing capris. It's that simple.

BTW, if you haven't already, you should definitely go see Iron Man. It's not a standard "comic book movie", and you'll love it just for Robert Downey, Jr. And if you are a comic fan, remember to stay until the credits are over.

Leave it to me to have the hot friend who goes on the Richard Simmons cruise. Yeah, I can't explain it either...

Posted by William @ 5/06/2008 06:24:00 PM
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