15th Nov2011

It’s Beginning To Geek A Lot Like Christmas – An Interview With Geeks For Tots

by Will

This should come as a surprise to no one, but many kids out there won’t receive gifts this holiday season. Times are hard for everyone, but luckily that’s where Toys For Tots comes in. People donate toys to the organization and kids who otherwise wouldn’t have a fun holiday can get some kick butt presents. And to help encourage people to donate to Toys for Tots, the Geeks for Tots contest gives you a chance to win lots of cool prizes just for donating to Toys for Tots!

I’ve had experience “adopting” a family for the holidays, and I really enjoyed knowing that I was helping to brighten someone’s holiday. Of course I’m behind this contest 100%, but I asked Vincent at Geeks for Tots a few questions so that you can become more familiar with the organization.

How did you get into this?

Well it’s for selfish reasons. When G.I. Joe was having a 25th anniversary the line wasn’t getting much shelf space. I thought it was a shame, since 25 years ago whole aisles would have been dedicated to G.I. Joe. I thought, “How could I get G.I. Joes into kid’s hands and possibly make more Joe fans?” What followed was the brilliant idea to try to get people to buy G.I. Joes to put into the Toys For Tots system in order to spark interest in the line with kids.

Well of course that quickly transformed into wanting to get any toys into the hands of kids. Now I do it because it’s fun and helps kids, but I still buy G.I. Joes to drop off with Toys for Tots.

Why Joes for Tots, leading to why the switch to Geeks for Tots?

Like I said, the original idea was G.I. Joe based, but after taking a year off from the contest I thought that it would be easier to market the thing to a broader spectrum of people with a more general geek name. Plus the focus of the contest was not on G.I. Joes, so it just makes a lot more sense to do it this way.

What’s the takeaway message of the whole thing?

Kids need help! Yes there’s charities to make sure they have food an clothing, but it’s such a depressing thought of getting nothing for Christmas. I had a friend once who wasn’t that well off that got shampoo for Christmas. Shampoo! Toys for Tots helps lifts the spirits a bit and gives some hope in what should be a fun time.

Any memorable stories since you’ve started the charity?

Uh nothing really except some of the donation pics I’ve gotten. People always look super happy in them. And some people have donated a whole bunch of stuff. One family had a whole mini-van worth of toys. Another guy started up a toy drive and entered and he ended up winning the grand prize. It was a totally random thing, so it was cool to see karma going in a positive direction for once.

So, are you convinced? Ready to enter the contest?! Well, there are two ways to enter:

  1. You can take a picture of yourself donating to a Toys for Tots drop off box and send it to us.
  2. Send proof of an online cash donation to the Toys For Tots website (they send an email receipt that can be forwarded).

Both entries should go to geeksfortots@gmail.com. Please include “Geeks for Tots Entry” in the subject line.

You can find drop off locations here or you can call your local Toys For Tots representative.

For a full list of prizes, as well as official contest rules, be sure to visit the Geeks For Tots website!

11th Nov2011

Will’s World of Wonder – It’s Begins! #111111

by Will

I need more collector friends – In Real Life collector friends. It’s not always easy being a collector. First off, non-collectors think you have a problem akin to an addiction. If that’s not bad enough, other collectors become the competition. You find yourself not wanting to share your secret haunts, fearing that other collectors will milk them dry. Plainly put, the life of a collector can be a lonely, paranoid one. But it doesn’t have to be.

For me, Twitter changed everything. Through Twitter, I’ve found collector friends. I’ve been able to compare war stories and let folks know which chains have the newest stuff. A lot of the time, we come across stuff someone’s looking for, and we help each other out (I know that Suribot, Engineernerd, and MrSithy can attest to that!). It truly is a sense of community, and it makes The Hunt a little less lonely.

Ah, yes – The Hunt. I know there are folks who hate hunting for new toys, but I’m not one of those people. I’ve heard that it’s a waste of time and gas. Like anything you love, you have to make time for it. And, honestly, I feel like driving to work is a bigger waste of gas than looking for toys. That’s just the kind of guy I am. The Hunt is like a drug, and looking forward to it is the only thing that gets me through the day sometimes. That rush you get as you make your way to the action figure aisle. The sense of dread you feel as you round the corner and see a guy standing in the middle of the aisle. Is he in front of the DC Universe Classics or the Young Justice figures? Is he a “friendly”? What’s in his cart?! AM I TOO LATE?!!! Just the thoughts that run through the mind of the collector.

For all of the excitement of The Hunt, I’ve found that I love the experience more than the reward. I’ve found myself buying figures for lines in which I only have a passing interest. That has led to a room filled with toys – both loose & unopened. The thing about The Hunt is that I’ve gotten damn good at it. I’m really not one to toot my own horn, but I’ve got a keen eye, and I come across amazing deals. If something catches my eye, I just can’t leave it behind.

There’s another reason I can’t seem to leave toy runs empty handed. You see, there’s been a lot of talk lately about collectors’ “Holy Grails” – those seemingly unattainable items that would complete any collection. When I see certain items in stores, I can’t bear the thought of a kid ending up with someone’s Holy Grail. Don’t get me wrong – I love kids AND I love toys, but I don’t necessarily love them together. My time at TRU taught me that most toys are purchased by exhausted moms and clueless grandmas. As a result, kids don’t always get what they want, nor do they appreciate those toys that they do get. They’re rough on toys, and it keeps those toys from getting into the hands of those would do appreciate them. Now, sometimes that person is a 30 year old man, but who am I to question love? All I’m saying is that I don’t think many kids want a figure of a hipster with a big staff, but I know a lot of collectors would like to have Modern Starman. So, sometimes I grab stuff in the hopes that I might one day cross paths with that collector, or maybe I already talk to him online (don’t bother pointing out the holes in my logic; I’m already aware).
So, I’m sorry if it seems like I’m rambling. This whole thing is building to a point. These are the key things to take away from this:

1) I’m looking to strengthen the collector community

2) I’m constantly on The Hunt for new things, many of those trips ending in success

3) I need a way to offer these finds to those who might appreciate them

So, what did I do? I created a storefront. I’d like to introduce you to Will’s World of Wonder.

WHY?

I’ve always kinda toyed with the idea of being something of a “toy broker”. A few months back, my e-pal The Robot’s Pajamas put is best when he tweeted: “It’s seriously weird how I want to collect toys to sell now. I get a much bigger joy out of helping other collectors than owning things.” He took the words out of my mouth. I mean, to me, it’s really just enough coming into contact with certain items, but I know I wouldn’t appreciate them as much as someone else out there might. As you’ve seen in my Thrift Justice pieces, I come across some pretty cool stuff, and I’d like an avenue to share those things with others.

I’ve had a lot of success with craigslist, but those are just local sales. I don’t know what it is about it, but I just see Ebay as an old man’s game these days. Now, I know there are a TON of storefront sites out there, so why did I want to enter that pool? Out of all of those sites, many of the ones I’ve encountered are just people trying to offload stuff they’re tired of, but you’re pretty much limited to that stock. Well, I want to take the small town approach to retailing. Sure, you could go to CVS, but you go to the local pharmacy for the service and because they know your face. If you’ve already been reading this site, you have a pretty good idea of who I am. As naive as it may sound, despite the distance, I think of many of you as friends. I don’t screw over my friends. Also, The Hunt isn’t going to stop. I’d just like to use my powers to help others. If you’re into a certain thing, shoot me an email. If you’re an expert on a certain genre, I’d love to have your input on things. If you don’t really like a price that you see, let me know and we might be able to work something out. At the end of the day, I want you to think of this as your store. If nothing else, it helps me stay abreast of trends, but I really want to think of other collectors as sort of “brothers in arms” instead of toy aisle threats. And for those who hate The Hunt, let me do the legwork for ya!

WHY NOW?

Well, the timing was really organic. I’ve been working on this for the last three months or so, but it couldn’t have come at a better time. I’m currently planning a wedding, and those things ain’t cheap! Plus, I’m sure Lindsay would love for me to clear some stuff out of the apartment. As icing on the cake, it’s also holiday time, so I can help you make a dent in your shopping list!

WHERE DO YOU GET YOUR STUFF?

That’s a great question. Honestly, it’s from various sources. A lot of the stuff is from The West Collection. That’s what I call my “I bought this in the heat of the moment but I could really use that money for invitations about now” pile. Also, while I worked at Diamond, I received a LOT of stuff that I wasn’t allowed to sell while still employed by the company. A lot of it comes from my travels thrifting, yard saling, and the like. I’m always on the lookout, and I love a good hunt. In any case, the majority of it is comprised of things that I just feel might be more appreciated in someone else’s home.

So, that about covers the main points. I wanted to take a more active role in the collecting community, so I decided to create a storefront. I know it’s kinda bare bones, and not as flashy as other sites, but it’s the goods that are the focus. I’m launching with 75 items that I feel do a good job of covering the genres I’m familiar with. I’m new to this whole thing, so bear with me as I work out the kinks. If you have any questions or concerns, please don’t hesitate to contact me. In the meantime, I hope you like what you see! Also, before I go, I’d like to thank Matt Guzy, Vincent Robot, and Brian at Cool and Collected, as I couldn’t have done this without their help!

10th Nov2011

The Greatest Haul FINALE

by Will

Yeah, so…if you’ve been following this site recently, you’ll remember that I started a whole multi-part “saga” that I called “The Greatest Haul”. Basically, it detailed my first full foray into the world of yard sales.

At the time, I thought I’d uncovered the mother lode. I boasted on Twitter that what Id acquired would make all of my followers weep with jealousy. I couldn’t compose all my thoughts at the time, so I thought I would draw things out – make it a mega event for the site. The problem, however, is that the bloom wore off over time. There was no “greatest haul” – there was just a haul.

What started out as an “investment” really revealed itself as a pile of stuff in the guest bedroom. Sure, the stuff would definitely be of interest to someone, somewhere, but I really didn’t have the avenue through which to connect them. It would need to be sorted and organized, and researched. At the end of the day, I’d gotten a great deal on a bunch of great stuff for which I really didn’t have a use.

A good portion of the haul was comprised of trading cards. Baseball, football, hockey, Marvel Universe – Hell, even Stargate and In Living Color cards. I chucked most of the nonsport cards (that market’s DEAD), and I found myself with roughly 7,000 sports cards. Well, through the magic of craigslist, I sold those off for a tiny profit. Still, I was left with the comic & toy portion of the haul. What to do with all of that stuff? And then it hit me. Just as one comic event leads into the next, I realized the Greatest Haul had to end so that the next big thing could begin. This would be the biggest, craziest project I’ve ever come up with, but it opens up a world of possibilities. What might that be? Well, you’ll just have to check back tomorrow.

09th Nov2011

Back & Fourth: The One With The Beyblades

by Will

So, just when I was settling into a groove with the whole lunch duty thing, The Man threw a wrench into our plans. You see, the kids used to eat in their classroom, which sort of made them a captive audience. Now, the multipurpose room is being used as a cafeteria for EVERYONE, so now I’ve got to deal with 5th graders, a different class of 4th graders, and the 4th graders I actually like. Today, I was finally able to sit down and have a tete-a-tete with “my” kids.

First off, an observation: I’m noticing these kids REALLY hate their school lunch. Now, I know the whole general cultural belief is that kids are supposed to hate school lunches, but I’m not used to that experience. I went to private school and our shit was catered. Then, I went to a college that was the home of the #1 dining hall in the country. So, I guess you can say I’ve been spoiled. I’m not gloating, though; I’m fat, so I got what I had coming to me. Anyway, it just sucks to see all the food these kids throw away. I’m not even one of those “think of the starving kids in China” people. I mean, a lot of these kids are starving, yet, they STILL won’t eat it. That’s some bad food. When the fat kid throws it away? That’s some bad food. I know the stuff doesn’t look appetizing. I mean, half the time it looks like someone took a shit in a Kid Cuisine tray. I’ve eaten some of it, and some of it wasn’t that bad, but I can see why the look might turn folks away.

I’ve also wondered if the kids might hate it just because it’s more nutritious than they’re used to eating. I am FAR from a bastion of healthy eating, but one chick’s lunch was comprised of two glazed doughnuts and a popped bagged of microwave popcorn. Another kid’s lunch was about EIGHT Fruit Roll-Ups and some Goldfish. This is the shit that happens when kids have kids! Kinda hard to give your kid a nutritious lunch when you still do most of your shopping at Five Below. Where’s the First Lady now?! She fucks up the Happy Meal, but doesn’t get to the root of the problem, the food that kids pretty much have to eat – school lunches.

Anyway, I sat down with the kids and we shot the crap. The kids had brought their Beyblades, and I was at a loss. I sold the things for years, but never really knew how they worked. It’s like if Scarface had never tried the coke! So, when Mike asked, “Mr. West, do you wanna rip my Beyblade?”, I saw it as my chance to finally learn what the whole thing was all about. For you old folks out there, let me just break it down for ya: “Beyblades” is just a fancy marketing word that means “fancy tops”. Ya know the shit your great grandpa played with on the Titanic? Yeah, those things. I’m just kinda surprised their still this popular. Shouldn’t they have been unseated by Bakugan? Has the Era of the Bakus gone?

I wasn’t gonna settle for kids being excited about an almost 10 year old toyline! No, I decided to take it to the next level. You see, there’d been some Twitter discussion about what might be The Toy of the Holiday Season this year. There’s usually an Elmo, and some other thing soccer moms are willing to shank each other over. So, I decided to take it to the kids. They’re at the “one foot out of the door of toys, one foot into the world of console games” age, so they’re the perfect audience. I also told them that they couldn’t name video games, so no Arkham City, Modern Warfare, Uncharted, etc. So, what did they answer? Beyblades! All of them. Really?! I kept asking about Bakugan. Seriously, I’ve asked them about Bakugans so much that you’d think I worked for Bakugan marketing, but those kids simply don’t give a shit about balls that open up into weeblesque “beasts”. No, today’s kids love the shit out of fancy tops. Sharpen your shivs, moms!

08th Nov2011

Thrift Justice – Lois Lane Meets The TMNT

by Will

Last weekend saw the final Civitan Flea Market of the year. As I’ve written in the past, this neighborhood sale is GREAT for finding collectible treasures. This sale was no different, as I made some pretty sweet deals. Let’s take a closer look at some of the booty I scored.

Now, when I get to any sale, I try to pace myself but I have a lot of trouble with that whole process. Whether it’s a comic con or a yard sale, I tend to blow my wad too soon, and then end up spending more judiciously as the day goes on. The Civitan market takes place in a 5-level parking garage, and you enter from the top level. I didn’t know what wonders might lurk in the depths below, but before I could descend I immediately found myself rifling through a box of Silver Age comics.

I’ve gotten to a point in my life where I try not to buy old comics unless they’re just basically giving them away. Anything under $1 is fair game to me. After all, most folks think their stuff is worth way more than it is, and most of those stories have been retconned 3 times over by now. I do, however, have an affinity for Silver Age DC books. If you pick up Marvel stuff from that era, it’s just full of hyperbole and cave drawings, but old DC books were actually…fun. Due to a magnet set that we have on our refrigerator, I’ve gained an appreciation for Lois Lane comics. Honestly, I feel like DC writers sat around and wondered, “How can make Lois a huge bitch this month?” Those old bastards clearly had some run-ins with the wrong kind of women, and seemed to have an ax to grind. That series is CRAZY, whether she’s tricking Superman into a paternity suit or changing her race to be black for a day. I picked up a few some months back, and I found 13 more on this particular day. This batch even included the issue I mentioned where she’s black for a day! I actually already have a copy of that one, but I know I’ll probably end up gifting it to someone. I told the old lady manning the booth that the books would be going to a good home, for a little boy who loves comics (it’s secretly ME! Muhuhahaha!). She cut me a pretty good deal, as I paid $25 for these, as well as the comics you’ll see below.

These are some other silver age books I picked up. Back when I first got into comics, I used to buy these grab bags from my local shop that were just FULL of crap. I didn’t know any better then, but it would have comics for toylines, like Visionaries, as well as old All-Star Squadron and issues of canceled series. I remember getting issues of The Secret Society of Super Villains and Kobra, and loving them. So, I had to jump on the issues you see here. I probably already own that Brave and the Bold (I bought a bunch of them at a con a few months back that I still haven’t processed), but I’ll buy any cheap Batman comics.

Not quite “Silver Age”, these are some 80s era comics I got. Again, more cheap Batman. I believe that’s the final issue of Ted Kord’s series. It says “The Final Adventure”, but that could just be comic hyperbole. There was a time when you could always count on Superman to have dynamic covers, and this is a great example of that. He’s begging, in an alley! How can you pass that up? I probably have that issue of X-Men, but I’m a sucker for 80s Uncanny. The way I see it, the $25 was for the Lois Lane books, as $2 an issue was a great deal; the rest of this stuff was just a bonus.

The series that wouldn’t die! Fans brought this thing back to life more than I can remember, but that must say something about its quality. I’ve never read Spider-Girl, but I was always curious. Plus, it’ll give me more Adventures West Coast material. I’m not sure if this is the very first collected edition, but it does include issues 0-8. Plus, I got it for a dollar, so it’s not like I could shake a stick at that!

Let me clear something up – I am nowhere near a “gamer”. My newest system is the PS2, and I use it primarily as a DVD player. Lindsay and I had a Rock Band/Guitar Hero phase, but I don’t really get into games. I do, however, pick up games when I find them A) interesting and B) cheap as dirt. Somewhere along the line, I forgot that I’m in a relationship, so the concept of “downtime” doesn’t really exist anymore. Still, in my mind, I have this vision of playing video games all night, while drinking Smirnoff Ice. When I come across a cheap game, I think to myself, “Would I enjoy playing this game, while sipping on a cool malt beverage?” I didn’t even know this game existed, and it appears to be the precursor to the popular Red Dead Redemption. The guy sold it to me for about $3, so that was enough for me. I’ll probably never play it, but if I ever feel like reenacting a Western, at least I’ll have it.

I’ll admit that this was an impulse buy. While I collect Batmobiles, I’ve passed on this thing at many a thrift store. I found it at a booth that usually has a lot of great comic stuff. Remember the comic posters and Age of Apocalypse cover from the last flea market post? Yeah, that booth. Anyway, at that time, they’d assured me that they would have a ton of comic stuff at this sale, as it’s the last one of the year. I went just looking for them. I get there, and this is pretty much all they had. It had a sticker on the hood, guaranteeing me that “it works”. I can’t even verify that at this time, but it’s a big-ass, battery operated Batmobile monster truck. Yeah, I’m kind of ashamed, so let’s move on.

So, I’m wandering through the aisles, and I find myself at a dead end, with this TMNT Lair playset sitting on a table. I start looking at it, as I’ve never really seen one of these in person. I didn’t really pay much attention to TMNT, as that was the incarnation for kids of the ’00s. For me, I only deal in Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. Show some respect, and spell that shit out! Anyway, as I inspecting it, the seller comes by and asks, “Would you like that big thing?” I proceeded to tell her that my fiancee would kill me, but she keeps on pressing. She tells me that it wuld be 50% off. That’s when I see the price tag: $3.00. I ask her, “So, wait, you mean this would only be $1.50?!” She says that is correct. Well, now you understand why I currently own a Turtle Lair playset. Back when the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle Sewer Playset came out, my mom gave me a choice: I could either get it OR get the G.I.Joe General. I was more into our American heroes, so I chose the latter. The General’s sitting out in our shed, as I get to fill that void with this newer Turtle playset.

So, there ya have it. I’ll miss the Civitan Flea Market, but you better believe I’ll be there on the first Saturday of next April! Coming soon, I’ve got another installment of Thrift Justice:YSE, where we’ll talk about some of my greatest yard sale FAILS.

07th Nov2011

Adventures West Coast: RED TPB

by Will

I shouldn’t have watched the movie first! I did that with V for Vendetta, and I did it again here. It’s not what you think, though – most people say “The book is MUCH better than the movie”. Of course, I’m not most people. In both cases that I mentioned, I enjoyed the movies immensely, while I found the direction of the books to somewhat lackluster. Again, I’m not sure if it would’ve made any difference in which order I read the book/watched the movie, but I still came away enjoying the movies more. If you’ve ever really wanted to examine the process of how source material gets “Hollywooded” on the way to the theater, you can’t find a better example of that than RED.

I’ll admit that I never had much desire to read RED before I heard there was a movie coming. There had been some buzz when the comic released, mainly due to its creators, Warren Ellis and Cully Hamner. I’ve never been a huge fan of either, so the initial release just slipped under my radar. Once the trailers started to hit for the movie, however, I thought it might be worth checking out. I think I would describe the movie as “Grumpier Old Men Meets The A-Team“. It’s got a surprisingly impressive cast, including Bruce Willis, Morgan Freeman, Helen Mirren, Richard Dreyfuss, and John Malkovich. It’s a wildly enjoyable film about retired spies who, when forced out of retirement, prove that they’ve still got it. Oh, and the title? It stands for “Retired Extremely Dangerous”, which is the official status of Bruce Willis’s character, Frank Moses. The movie’s got humor, it was action-packed, and it was a nice little guilty pleasure film. The book, not so much.

RED follows Frank Moses, a former CIA agent who’s trying to get used to living the retired life. Outside of phone calls with his handler, he really doesn’t seem to have much contact with the outside world. Once a new director is appointed to the agency, he discovers Frank’s file and is appalled by all that he learns. After all, the Old CIA got its hands a lot dirtier than it does today, and the director feared what might happen if details of those old missions got out via a FOIA request or something. So, for some reason, he feels the need to order Frank’s assassination. This part was odd to me, as it would probably be easier to just destroy the files. I mean, maybe the director didn’t like knowing such a skilled killer was out in the world, but surely Frank wasn’t the only one, right? Is he just going to start assassinating any former agent with a pension?! Anyway, agents stage an ambush on Frank’s house, but he ends up killing them and going on the run. Up to this point, the movie and book were aligned pretty well, but things were about to get a LOT different.

In the movie, Frank tracks down his handler, played by Mary-Louise Parker. He kinda, sorta abducts her, but she wanted to go, as she was somewhat enamored with his former lifestyle. On the run, they gradually meet up with his old friends and associates, and hilarity ensues. In the book, however, when he meets his handler, he almost kills her. It’s only a last second decision to leave her alive. He gains access to the agency, and the three-issue story ends as he begins a shootout within the CIA.

First off, the book is DARK. There’s no humor, and it’s got little meat to it. Basically, old agent gets mad and then kills those who made him mad. I’ve read Wolverine stories with more depth to them. If anything, the movie could only be said to be inspired by the book. While reading it, you can kind of see how the Hollywood process might take over and stretch things around, and that’s exactly what happened. Because it’s such a short story (three issues), there’s a lot of wiggle room that allows you to expand on parts. As it’s written, RED would’ve made a decent online short for the Warner Bros site or something, but there’s not much for a full film, which is probably by WB passed on the project.

Also, I feel the biggest letdown is the fact that the supporting characters simply don’t exist in the book. Sure, they change the tone of the story, but they also helped to make it much more enjoyable. You know how Ted’s the most boring character in How I Met Your Mother? Well, the same could be said for Frank Moses. The real story is how he’s sort of the eye of this crazy, espionage-filled hurricane – he’s interesting because of the people and circumstances surrounding him. Now, around the release of the movie, DC did release some prequel one-shots focusing on the newly added film characters, but I’m not sure if they were worked into the mythos in an organic way, or if it was merely a cash grab. The bottom line is that they were not part of the original story that served as the inspiration for the film.

So, my final thought? Skip this book. It’s not really worth the money, seeing as how it’s 3 issues and some supplemental stuff. In all honesty, the story felt rushed, like it was going to be cancelled due to low sales or something. It could have easily been 4-6 issues, but I guess Ellis and Hamner felt they had told the story they set out to tell in those three issues that we got. If you want a fully enjoyable experience, loosely based on the RED universe, then hit up Redbox or Netflix for the movie.

 

04th Nov2011

Best of the West #2: Toys “R” US Aisle 6D Sign

by Will

image

So, I’m not sure if anyone remembers, but I created “Best of the West” to showcase the jewels of my personal collection. I only posted under that heading once, and that was to discuss my autographed Obama Spidey comic. I kinda got preoccupied with yard sales, and let’s face it – a collect a lot of shit! Anyway, I know my pal Mike enjoyed this feature, and Brian over at Cool and Collected recently asked when we’d see the West Collection. I don’t know when I’ll ever get around to a full collection post, so the Best of the West segments will have to do for now.

Today’s item is a quirky one. If it’s your first time reading about me, I worked for Toys “R” Us in a part time capacity for 10 years. It was my first job out of high school, and I just couldn’t tear myself away. I fought on the beaches of the Great Gundam War of ’01. I waged the storms of the Pokemon Tsunami. I tickled many an Elmo, and I laughed in the face of the fabled NeoPet epidemic. We lost a lot of good men out there.

Before working at TRU, I thought I had a love for toys. I thought I loved toys of all shapes and sizes. Just say the word “toy” and my face would light up. About 2 weeks into my TRU career, I began to realize that I didn’t love “toys”. I loved “action figures”. You see, when you’re a customer, you just go right in to the aisle that holds the stuff you like. All the other stuff is just part of the TRU obstacle course. Fuck a bike! If you’re serious about cycling, you ain’t buying a bike at TRU. And I didn’t give a shit about car seats and Pack ‘N Plays. No, I just loved aisles 6D and 7D – home of the action figures. Sadly, when you work for the store, you’re forced to worry about those aforementioned departments. It didn’t matter to me. They could assign me to diapers, bikes, or cart duty – I always found my way back to those 2 aisles.

Now, let me give you a little retail history lesson. In TRU’s heyday, it was essentially a supermarket for toys. During the late 90s, it was decided that it had too much of a warehouse feel. So, aisles were partially done away with, as the company migrated towards the “racetrack” layout. In this new floorplan, the guest would follow a winding path around the store, with different “worlds” situated outside the track. There was Boys World, Girls World, Wheel World, etc. Supervisors were now “World Leaders”, and the whole thing was supposed to make the shopping experience flow more easily for guests. Only important stores got the full floor plan. My store wasn’t that important, so it still retained some of the old signage.

Then, the day after Christmas 2005, old Geoffrey decided that he didn’t need us in his empire any longer. It wasn’t too bad, though. Let me tell you this: there are few things more exciting than working for a store going through liquidation. No, seriously! I know some former Borders and Filene’s employees might disagree, but there are no rules, and you no longer have corporate oversight. We hosted fake radio shows over the PA system, some chick wished cancer on my Asst.Manager because he couldn’t process a return. Oh, and a mentally challenged guy came in and started masturbating in the R-Zone! I can’t remember the last time my life was that exciting. But the one thing that remained was my love of action figures. It was that love that brought me there in the first place. So, as we were closing the place down, I grabbed the sign for aisle 6D. What I love about it is that it was promoting lines that weren’t even really hot at the time, but I collected everything on this sign. If it had Ghostbusters, Batman, and Star Trek, you’d have my toy resume.

So, here it sits in my “office”. Before taking it, I had no clue how heavy it would be. It’s got to be a good 50 lbs, which is why it’s just leaning against the wall. I can’t hang that thing, and I’m amazed we’ve never heard of them falling and killing some kid. It’s big, heavy, and doesn’t really tie the decor of the room together, but it’s my past. Batman has a giant penny, and I’ve got the sign to aisle 6D. After 10 years of lying about truck shipments, helping lost grandmas, and selling D batteries to lonely single moms, this is my trophy.

28th Oct2011

Back & Fourth: My Journey Into The Classroom

by Will

In my attempt to turn a negative situation into a positive one, I’ve found myself saddled with watching a 4th grade class during their lunch period. First, let’s roll it back a little. You see, the school where I work had 2 campuses. That quake that everyone made fun of for being weak and puny? Well, it destroyed our second campus. We’ve all been under one roof for the past 2 months, but our board just decided to call it a day, and officially made us one school. This also resulted in 25 staff members being laid off. But still we move forward or some jazz. So, we all gotta pitch in like the war effort, and I’ve been given Mrs Doubtfire duty (I dress like a woman for kicks). What I found, however, is that it’s not that bad. I mean, fourth graders are almost like real people. It’s really fascinating. They don’t even eat their meals out of feed bowls. I tell ya, I’m learning all sorts of Discovery Channel shit from this! So, since I had them at my disposal, I figured I’d try to get to know them – ya know, really get into the head of a typical 4th grader in America.

First up, they’re all really into werewolves and vampires. Half the class has already read Twilight, which is shocking and sad at the same time. I asked if they were Team Edward or Team Jacob. They totally had some opinions there. Predominantly, however, it seems to be a werewolf skewing class. In fact, yesterday they explained to me how they’d been sired. Apparently, Sean was bitten, and then he scratched Mike, who then bit Carter, and so on. I can’t wait to hear their thoughts on cooties and the AIDS epidemic. Anyway, I asked if their parents every caught them turning into werewolves at night. They said no, but that a few of their parents suspected they might be werewolves.

Next, they showed me a Scholastic book that was a Who’s Who of the monster scene. I’m talking chupacabra, vampires, werewolves, snakewomen harpies, the works! When we got to the page of a succubus, Ken said “That’s my girlfriend right there.” “Oh, really?” I asked. “How did you two meet?” He said “Well, she was sick and in the hospital. I turned her into a vampire and saved her.” Kid never missed a beat. Like Kenneth from 30 Rock, “In 5 years, we’ll either be working for him, or dead by his hand.”

Today, I asked them about the movies they’d seen recently, which they’d always counter with a “Did you see ____?” One girl told me that she had seen Black Swan. Yes, THAT Black Swan. I asked who let her watch that thing, and she said she’d watched it with her grandpa. I asked her what she thought of it. I loved her response: “It was scary…and inappropriate.” From the mouths of babes!

Since they were the correct demographic, I decided to allow them to settle an online debate for me: what did they think of Power Rangers Samurai? After all, adult fans hate it, but it’s not for us. It’s for the kids. Apparently, and I quote, “Power Rangers Samurai is the most awesome Power Rangers ever!” Keep in mind, they also lost their collective shit when I mentioned Supah Ninjas. Plus, I don’t trust any kid that doesn’t watch iCarly (half of the class is comprised of girls, and none of them watch iCarly!).

I also found out that WAY too many of them are watching Family Guy, American Dad, and The Boondocks. I told one, “You’re too young for The Boondocks!” he just shook his head and said “I know. When I go over to my cousin’s house, he’s always watching it.”

Once we got on the topic of animation, one of them mentioned The Simpsons, which one girl called “the most boringest show in the history of ever.”

So, it looks like The Cos was right – kids really DO say the darnedest things! Anyway, I figure if I’ve gotta be stuck with them, I might as well use them for comedy material. Tune in next time, when we tackle comics, video games, and Nicki Minaj!

 

 

 

21st Oct2011

Adventures West Coast – The Flash: Rebirth

by Will

I’ve been putting this one off for some time, but there’s no better day than today to get this out. You see, earlier today, I was tweeting about how I didn’t understand the appeal of a certain guy who makes old school rap about Marvel characters. I was nowhere near as mean as you know I can get, but he still found out and decided to retweet it to his followers. Why he did this, I do not know. Maybe he wanted to rile up his army or something. In any case, I ended up getting 3 @replies from fanboys & girls who were defending his honor. Well, this led me to think back to another time I was talking trash about comic folks on Twitter.

A little over a year ago, I was talking to my good e-pals over at OAFE, and we were talking about Geoff Johns’s love of Silver Age concepts. The discussion turned to Barry Allen, the Silver Age Flash, who had been “dead” in real people time (RPT) since 1986. Well, Johns was bringing Allen back to assume the mantle of The Flash, despite the fact that nobody wanted this to happen. By this point in time, everyone had pretty much settled on Wally West (Barry’s former apprentice, and current Flash) as THE Flash. I mentioned how Johns wasn’t going to stop until the current DC Universe looked like it did during the Silver Age of the 60s.

Now, I’m usually good about covering my tracks. I knew not to include Johns’s actual twittername, as I didn’t necessarily want him in this discussion. OAFE, however, had other ideas, and Johns’s username was inserted in one of the replies in our discussion. I noticed this, but thought nothing of it and went to sleep. When I woke up, I had a DM from Geoff Johns, where he said that he really wanted me to give the book a chance. He included his email address, and asked me to send him my mailing address. Well, when the Chief Creative Officer of DC Comics beckons, you answer! I quickly drafted an email, thanking him for actually appealing to me, while sheepishly backpedaling on what he’d probably read from my discussion thread. About a month later, I received a box containing The Flash: Rebirth HC, as well as signed copies of The Flash #1 & 2. A better person would’ve jumped right into these books, and changed his tune about what he’d said. I, however, am not a better person. I sent Geoff an appreciative thank you email, and then I proceeded to put the books on a shelf for the next year. After finishing up Flashpoint, and realizing that Rebirth was actually kind of the start of it all, I thought it might finally be time to check it out. So, the other night, between Family Guy and China, IL, I finally got through it.

I should’ve had a disclaimer at the beginning, but the most interesting part of the whole saga was HOW I obtained the book. The story itself, not so much. You see, while The Flash: Rebirth is a decent enough story, it relies WAY too much on prior knowledge of The Flash. This series was not written to introduce Barry Allen to a new generation of comic fans; it was written to change the minds of the current generation of Flash fans. Did I confuse you there? It’s like this: if you never gave a shit about The Flash and his franchise, this book isn’t going to change that. At all. It relies on the reader to already know who Barry Allen, Wally West, Bart Allen, Liberty Belle/Jesse Quick, Jay Garrick, and Max Mercury are. That’s a whole lotta speedsters! Plus, it makes reference to the fact that Max somehow disappeared, Liberty Belle at some point had some attachment to the speedsters, and Bart “came back” from somewhere, and I can’t remember if it’s from a trip to the future, or the time that he “died”. Then, there’s the whole matter of the Speed Force, which is where all of the speedsters draw their power. It was already as convoluted as Star Trek: The Next Generation technobabble, but then they had to throw in the idea of a Negative Speed Force. Plainly put, it is NOT a great introduction to the world of the Flash. It’s an “Everything but the kitchen sink” approach to the franchise, which isn’t great for the casual reader.

As the story starts, Barry Allen is trying to get used to how the world has changed since he’s been gone, while everyone around him is preparing to celebrate his return. Through the magic of decompression, this whole thing is told over the course of 6 issues. Basically, he runs really fast (’cause that what The Flash does), and he ends up finding a bunch of other speedsters within the Speed Force. Some good, some bad, but they all seem to die when he touches them. It turns out that it’s all the work of The Reverse Flash, or Professor Zoom, or whatever he’s called now. For the sake of clarity, we’ll call him Yellow Flash. You know he’s bad because his suit is ugly (even though the “hero” basically dresses like a hornless devil, but that’s a debate for another time). Then, through a whole bunch of flashbacks, we also deal with the fact that Barry was constantly driven by the desire to clear his father’s name for the murder of his mother. I don’t know if this is true or a retcon, as Barry died shortly after I became my parents’ happy little “surprise”. Haven’t read very many Barry stories, and that’s not a Flash Fact I’ve seen printed on Underoos and cereal boxes. In any case, he wants to solve his mom’s murder. In the present day, he gets possessed by the Negative Speed Force, making him EEEVVVIIILLL! It’s because he hates the modern world, and wants to go back to the comfort of The Speed Force. Remember in Shawshank Redemption how the dude couldn’t handle the outside world and hanged himself? Yeah, kinda like that. I’m gonna cut to the chase: Yellow Flash killed Barry’s mom. Like you didn’t see that coming. But here’s the real kicker: it turns out that Barry’s family had actually grown old and lived a long life together. Yellow Flash wanted to torment Barry, so he went back in time and killed the mom. So, the mom’s death was an in-story retcon. Mindfuckery! Yellow Flash can’t kill Barry because he needs him in order to eventually exist, but that don’t mean he can’t kill the people around Barry! In the end, Barry realizes that his wife, Iris, is his “anchor”, and he decides he wants to LIVE! The world celebrates his return, and Yellow Flash is abducted by some other Flash villain that I guess I’m supposed to know.

I’m not gonna be your typical internet fanboy and say “that fucking sucked!” Honestly, I can’t say that. All I can say is that it wasn’t written for me. I have a friend who worships at the altar of The Flash, and I’m pretty sure he might enjoy it when he gets around to reading it. I just don’t have enough history with the franchise for it to resonate with me. It’s like a giant speedster family reunion, but you really need to know about all of them to really grasp the weight of it all. I went into it thinking that the point of the miniseries was to make me care about Barry, but instead it seems to be intended to make the reader care about The Flash Legacy. This would all be well and good if they hadn’t done away with all of that in the New 52. As far as we can tell, Wally doesn’t exist, Jay doesn’t exist, Jesse & Max may not exist, and Bart is kind of a different person. We know Yellow Flash existed up to Flashpoint, as that was all his fault, but I don’t know about post-Flashpoint. So, in a lot of ways, it could also be seen as a farewell love letter to the speedsters. Whatever it was, I don’t think it was for the casual fan and, as a casual fan, it didn’t leave me with the feeling that Barry Allen was the rightful speedster to bear the mantle of The Flash. He spends most of Rebirth, telling those around him that he didn’t need to come back. You would think that would force the story to prove that he is, in fact, needed in this world, but i don’t think it accomplishes that task. Anyway, since he’s The Flash of the New 52, it’s not like we really have a choice. So, I guess I’ll have to learn to like him. In closing, it was totes awesome (I got that phrase from my pal over at The Robot’s Pajamas) for Geoff to reach out to me like he did, and I only wish the story could’ve resonated with me the way that I think he felt it would. Honestly, I think that’s what makes me feel the worst about this whole thing.

15th Oct2011

The Anniversary Post

by Will

Hey Crosse,

You always say I don’t mention you enough on here. Well, let’s change that, shall we?

Untitled from William West on Vimeo.

 

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