We’ve already covered that I like to collect Power Rangers morphers. During the early years, I made it a priority to get the main morpher, the main Megazord, and the core team figures. Then, I went to college, Saban sold the franchise to Disney, and the toys seemed like less of a priority. Anyway, I’m on my Morpher Quest to reclaim all the morphers I missed, at a fraction of the original price! Since the last post, I’ve acquired the RPM Rev Morpher, RPM Cell Shift Morpher, Jungle Fury Wolf Morpher, Mystic Force Fury Edition Mystic Morpher, SPD Patrol Morpher, and the Mystic Force Mystic Morpher. At this point, I’ve made a nice dent in the Disney seasons, but I actually hate most phone-based morphers, as well as the stupid sunglasses morpher. I’ll have to get them eventually, though.

I’ve also been collecting cutesy versions of comic heroes. Whether it’s Spider-man & Friends or the original Fisher Price DC Super Friends line, I like anything comic related that comes in what I call the “Rescue Heroes scale”. Like any smart toy company, they released that same Batman in, like, 6 different paint schemes, so that’s where the blue and yellow came from. I also acquired Hulk, Thing, Spider-Girl, Iceman, and Hang Gliding Spidey. I did not get these all at once, but rather picked them up here and there on various thrift visits.

Now that we’ve covered the familiar stuff, here’s something new: 3M Bookshelf Games. I’m not really into games, as I was an only child, raised by senior citizens. I’ve never played Monopoly (outside of the McDonalds version), and I pretty much only know how to play chess and Stratego. That said, I’m not sure if it’s my love of Mad Men, but I’m drawn to these due to their aesthetic. Produced by the 3M Company (the Scotch tape guys) in the late 60s, these were board games that tucked into a nice slipcase that you can place on your bookshelf. To the untrained eye, visitors will assume you have a full library that smells of rich mahogany! Anyway, I’ve been grabbing these whenever I come across them, so let’s take a look at what I’ve found so far.

I LOVE this box cover! I imagine the dad asking, “So, Roger – how do you feel about the Negro Problem?” While this game looks like a familiar mass market game, I’m sure you’ll never see a break thru film starring Rihanna!

White dudes making mo-NAYY!! Stocks & Bonds is probably the most boring box of my collection. Sure, these games were marketed towards adults, but it looks like the Clone Saga starring Floyd the Barber.

This cover is so damn awesome! I like to think of it as “What if Hef ended up in Alice in Wonderland?” Dude in the smoking jacket is so frustrated, while the chick is taunting him from one of the cards in the distance. It’s like he’s muttering, “Why is this bitch making it so hard for me to fuck her?!” Foil either refers to what he’s trying to do to a plot OR it refers to the condom wrapper he plans to open. Wait, it’s the ’60s; condoms are only for sailors!

I really don’t have anything to say about High-Bid: The Auction Game. Yeah, I’m disappointed in me, too. Next!

THIS! Screw Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter, as this is clearly the most badass lost Lincoln story EVER! I’m convinced that Alan Moore looked at the Facts In Five box and was inspired to write The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen. Based on the art alone, I can only assume that Abraham Lincoln teams up with a geisha girl and Joe Namath in order to save Charlie Chaplin, who’s been trapped in a painting. It’s a globe-spanning tale, involving knights, cosmonauts, and a test pattern color wheel! As an added bonus, when they make the movie, it’ll be called “Facts In 5ive”. I hear Paul Walker is in talks to play Lincoln.

Rich Mahogany!

Tune in next week, when I’ll…I don’t know what I’ll have for ya. I don’t plan these things out. Anyway, just be sure to come back!

]]> http://www.williambrucewest.com/2012/05/10/thrift-justice-the-more-things-change/feed/ 0 http://www.williambrucewest.com/2012/05/03/thrift-justice-yse-box-office-oy-son/ http://www.williambrucewest.com/2012/05/03/thrift-justice-yse-box-office-oy-son/#comments Thu, 03 May 2012 16:24:02 +0000 Will http://www.williambrucewest.com/?p=3420 Yeah, that title doesn’t really make sense, but I needed something. So, you know the drill. This is where I showcase things I’ve found on the road. The “YSE” means it’s a Yard Sale Edition, so these are things I found on an early Saturday morning. The yard sale season started up in full force about a month ago, which means that I don’t get to sleep in anymore. It’s cool, though, as there’s treasure to be found! I’ve had a month of great Saturdays, but I wanted to start with last week’s batch, just so I can file the stuff away.

Pretty late in the morning, I was running low on funds, plus I was pretty tired as I’d only gotten a few hours of sleep. In any case, there was one more sale on my list (yeah, I actually plot out sale routes; “Freestyling” just wastes gas and time. I’ll post about that another time). It turns out that this is a “community sale”, which is my ideal scenario lately. I get to hit multiple sales without having to move the car. That said, the problem with community sales is that it seems like everyone’s pressured to participate, so there’s a gap in the quality of items offered. One house might have a ton of video games and collectibles, while the house next door has an unattended card table with some used candles for sale on it.

Anyway, one particular house in this neighborhood had some hidden gems. You see, the homeowner owned a bunch of Blockbuster franchises. Sure, Blockbuster’s a joke now, and he’s left the business, but he owned them during the golden age of home video rentals. This meant that he had a few mementos from his time “in the industry”. We’re talking a table full of screener DVDs, he had press kits, posters, the works!  He had started out in the 80s, so that’s where most of these were from. He had a lot of the posters laid out on the lawn for display, and there weren’t any prices. I asked him how much they cost, and he said “Just put together a stack of stuff that you want, and I’ll make you a deal ya can’t refuse.” So, I got to stackin’! Here’s what I got:

I left behind a few, such as Flashdance and some more forgettable movies. As far as I was concerned, I had grabbed the best of the bunch. While I couldn’t necessarily refuse the price he quoted, given the age and condition of these guys, let’s say I paid more than I would have liked. So, if you see anything you want, let me know. I’m keeping a few (the Chuck Norris ones and Back to the Future), but everything else is fair game. These are larger than your stander 24 x 36 retail size, and sadly they’ve all been folded. Still, they’re awesome, so make me an offer. PLEASE!

The BoDeans – Closer to Free

This served as the theme song to Party of Five, one of the most depressing hours on television. Seriously, the Salingers couldn’t win. The only redeeming part was in later seasons Lacey Chabert’s Claudia grew from a frumpy, violin-playing bitch to an older, hotter bitch. She was the smartest one in the family, but she was SUCH a sanctimonious bitch about it. Anyway, this theme song is probably your only exposure to The BoDeans. Yeah, I’m sure someone will chime in and say “They’re still playing”, but the point is that nobody cares.

The Rembrandts – I’ll Be There For You

Remember 1994,  when nothing could go wrong? We all had the yellow Sport Discman, and you could still buy CD singles? This quirky show about pretty white folks in a coffee shop debuted and, you guys, this theme song is NEVER gonna get old! I mean, it’s about friendship and always being there for people. I’m amazed the Rembrandts aren’t prepping for their 20th anniversary tour of all their hits. Well, they’re not. This song was the Alpha and the Omega in the career of the Rembrandts.

Paula Cole – I Don’t Wanna Wait

Ah, “The Creek”. The spiritual prequel to One Tree Hill, this show set the standard for what a WB teen drama should be. Angst, pretty 30 year olds pretending to be teenagers, and trees. Lots and lots of lakes and trees. Paula Cole kinda went backwards here. Instead of emerging due to the theme song, she was a known quantity prior to Dawson’s Creek, thanks to “Where Have All The Cowboys Gone?” After “I Don’t Wanna Wait”, Paula kinda disappeared. Sure, she was on the whole Lilith Fair circuit, but that’s not exactly mainstream success, now is it?

The Dandy Warhols – We Used To Be Friends

I feel like this might be the controversial entry, as I know The Dandy Warhols have fans. My point, though, is that Joe Public can’t name a Dandy Warhols song. Hell, they probably don’t even know that this song was by a band called the Dandy Warhols. They all signed those “Save Veronica Mars” petitions, but never learned who performed that great theme song.

Remy Zero – Save Me

This, hands down, is the only redeemable part of Smallville. I honestly tuned in just to hear this, and then I’d change the channel. The visuals also really help, but this is part of my gym mix. It’s THAT damn good. I, honestly, don’t even need anything else from Remy Zero. They came to Earth, like the Phoenix Force, to bestow this musical badassery upon us. When they were done, they ascended to the Elysian Fields or Narnia or whatever ethereal utopia in which you believe. Mission accomplished.

Aimee Allen – Revolution

Ms Allen contributed the theme to Birds of Prey, the show about Batman’s daughter and her wheelchair-bound partner. Oh, and there was a psychic blonde girl who was the daughter of Aunt Becky from Full House. I know I’m not selling it here, but it’s not that bad. People hate the idea of it on paper, but it’s no worse than the idea of Superman wearing flannel, as pieces of the SAME damn 10 yr old meteor storm proceed to fuck up his life on a weekly basis. I’ve gotten into fights over this, but BoP was NO WORSE than Smallville. It’s just that Bat fans seem to be more protective than Superfans, so they jumped ship early. Anyway, the show lost a little of what made it special, as this theme wasn’t cleared for the DVD release.

Phantom Planet – California

Yeah, The O.C. was one of the most popular shows of the early ’00s. Now, name another Phantom Planet song. You can tell me that it’s Jason Schwartzman’s band, and you can probably tell me that they came and played at your college, but you can’t name another song.

Honorable Mention: Dido – Here With Me

This song was actually Dido’s first US single, and was used as the theme for Roswell. Dido wouldn’t really become much of a “name” until Eminem samples her song “Thank You” on “Stan”. Even though Dido isn’t exactly huge these days, I feel like she’s an artist who was able to establish herself in spite of her theme song placement. I don’t think that it helped her, but it certainly didn’t hinder her.

Winner: Gavin DeGraw – I Don’t Wanna Be

I think Gavin’s the first one to do it right. I will say that Gavin completely benefited from having his song as the One Tree Hill theme. Ask any fan, and they will tell you that this song is as much a character in the show as Lucas or Brooke. When it disappeared in the 5th season, it was missed. When it reemerged in the series finale, actually performed by DeGraw, it brought things full circle. The WB always prided itself on trying to break new artists, which is why most of the shows ended with the “This episode of ____ contained music by____” tag. At the moment, DeGraw stands as The WB’s biggest musical alum, and I honestly think a lot of that can be traced back to his exposure from One Tree Hill.

By no means is this a definitive list, and I’m sure I forgot some, so feel free to chime in down in the comments!

Since this seems to be introspection week, I figured I’d check in and give a social media update. If you’re new here, every so often I like to take a look at the digital world, and explore how my role in it has changed. My entry to this world started with this blog, so it’s only fitting that I track my progress here. In the past, I’ve discussed Friendster, MySpace, Twitter, and the rest. This time around, I think I want to talk about Instagram.

First off, I think I’m over Facebook. Every change that’s meant to “enhance” the experience has really made it worse to me. Let’s get down to brass tacks: I like the “spying” aspect of social media. It allows me to keep tabs on people that I don’t really feel like calling on the phone. It’s nothing against them, but I just don’t like the phone. The latest change to Facebook has been the introduction of Timeline – a new profile design that essentially changes Facebook into a digital scrapbook. By grouping events and status updates by year, it has essentially changed the purpose of the site. In the beginning, Facebook was a connectivity tool – it allowed you to keep in touch with people and share moments/thoughts/pictures/jokes/etc with them. This change, however, really turns into into a digital equivalent of “This Is Your Life”. It turns the focus inward rather than outward, and I feel it’s more isolationist than communal. Of course people are upset about it, but people are upset about every change that occurs online. That’s just the Circle of Digital Life. This, however, is worth being upset about, as it basically changes the mission of the site. I don’t need a digital time capsule. I want to see pics of the skank that my friend met on Spring Break!

I know I discussed it in the past, but I just haven’t been able to get Tumblr to work for me. Microblogging is not my strength, and I’m not mesmerized by gif files. Tumblr is the most ADD social network out there, and it seems like the “junior college” to MySpace’s “high school”. Lord knows I’ve tried to embrace it, but I haven’t figured out how to make all of my posts blink in glitter font.More recently, I dipped my toe into Pinterest, which is essentially a digital pinboard. Since I’m not really acquainted with the notion of “pinboards”, I think of it more like a “junk drawer”. We all have that drawer that just holds a bunch of random shit, like movie ticket stubs, and that thing from that time you went to that place with that chick. It’s all the shit that doesn’t fit neatly on a Splurgg from IKEA. That’s Pinterest. You find stuff online that you like, and then you “pin” it, which puts it in one of the folders that you publicly display on your profile. They say that 90% of its traffic is women, and I don’t doubt it. Unlike Twitter, where I feel I need to stay on top of updates, Pinterest is something that you just check in on while waiting for an oil change. There’s no real pressing content, but it’s a way to pass the time. While Tumblr has established a bit of a reputation as a porn portal, Pinterest has yet to really establish a niche to make it a worthwhile time sink.

We’re not here to talk about Pinterest, though – we’re here for Instagram. If you’re not familiar, Instagram is a social media platform that allows you to apply filters to photos you’ve taken, and then share them. In the beginning, this app was exclusive to the iPhone, so it had a hipster elitist vibe to it. Also, because these people seemed to ONLY use the “Toaster” filter, it gained a reputation as the “app that made new shit look like old shit”. We all had a good laugh, half because it seemed stupid, and half because it wasn’t compatible with our phones. About 3 weeks ago, that all changed when Instagram became available for the Android, and we all became a bunch of hypocrites. I downloaded it on Day 1, and haven’t looked back. I love, love, love this social media platform more than I ever thought I could.One of the biggest issues with Instagram was that it “made hipster douchebags think they were real photographers”. While  there are certainly examples of this, I think it also took mediocre photographers to the next level. I don’t toot my own horn, bu I’ve always had a keen eye. Whether I’m looking for a needle in a thrift haystack or noticing how the light hits certain things, I’ve had moments when I’ve felt “that would make a great picture”. Since I skipped photography class in high school, and I’ve never had what one might call a “good camera”, I never really got to take a lot of those pictures. I don’t understand the basic rules of photography, as you might notice from pictures on the ecrater site. A lot of it is due to ignorance, while the rest is due to lack of patience. I find that Instagram has bridged that gap for me. To real photographers, I might be “cheating”, but I’m finally able to realize a desire that I couldn’t really do anything about in the past. I enjoy trying the different filters, and it’s a great feeling to have someone “like” something that I’ve shared. There are some shots that I’m more proud of than a lot of the creative stuff that I’ve done. If that makes me a hipster douchebag, so be it. All I know is that this has opened a new door for me, as I’m interacting with artsy people instead of the usual comics/toy bunch. Don’t get me wrong – a lot of my pictures are of toys, but it’s helping me explore other facets of myself at the same time. So, if you’re on Instagram, I’m williambrucewest. If you’re not on Instagram, I highly recommend that you sign up!

Since I turned 30, I’ve become a lot more introspective. This came as a surprise, I didn’t know that I could devote any more time to thinking about myself. I mean, I’m fairly self aware. Not in the “I’m so awesome” narcissistic way (even if I do have a website named after myself) but in a “why are people friends with me?” kind of way. One thing that has occurred to me is that I’m a much more successful toy peddler than blogger. I mean, it’s nice to be good at something, but this isn’t necessarily where I wanted to be. Sure, 10 years ago, I swore I’d eventually work in the toy industry, but I didn’t think this would be how I did it. Honestly, I’ve done more with the toy industry in the 4 months of having Will’s World of Wonder than I did in 10 years at Toys R Us. Most of that time at TRU was spent hiding from customers, and engaging in debates as to who were the hottest female cartoon characters. Looking back, I also realize that I don’t much talk about my time at H&M anymore, which is odd since I have quite a few opinions about that time and that place.

H&M, in case you’re not a 17 year-old girl, is a retailer that basically exists to provide a “disposable wardrobe”. The clothes aren’t well-made, but you don’t care because you paid $7.90 for a shirt, and $29.90 for a blazer. It’s perfectly priced for college kids and recent grads who need to beef up their business casual work wardrobe. In recent years, they have been as plentiful as roaches in the ghetto, but it wasn’t always that way. In fact, if you go back to the year 2000, there were only about 5 of them in North America. In college, we used to take road trips to Syracuse just to shop there, as one of those few stores was located in the Carousel Mall. As a Swedish company, it was basically The Gap abroad, but it was still a quaint treat here in the States. I loved all their clothes, and due to some freak weight loss junior year, I was actually able to fit into them. This was the beginning of my whole what they used to call “metrosexual” phase. I was shopping at H&M and watching Queer Eye. So, OF COURSE I’d want to work there, right?

If you go back in my archives, you’ll see posts I wrote during the time when I first came home from school. It was during a time when I wrote like no one was reading, so it reads like a goth kid’s Livejournal. That said, I don’t really talk about that era, as it was probably the worst time of my life. I was an aimless kid, working with a bunch of other aimless kids, thinking I was big shit. I guess I was a late bloomer, ’cause this was also the “You can’t tell me what to do!” phase that most people go through around 17. Anyway, how I started working for H&M …I saw an ad in the paper, explaining how they were opening a store in nearby White Flint (according to the property owner, it is NOT to be referred to as a “mall”). They were providing paid training, and they’d also handle any travel expenses, etc. I’d worked in retail before, but this seemed above normal. I mean, I’d never been a part of something on the ground floor, and I was also excited about the prospect of a nearby H&M.

I’d worked in retail at Toys “R” Us, but H&M is a different kind of animal. I can’t attest to how it is now, but it was a company that took itself way too seriously. It was something about that whole European thing, but I’ll get to that later. One unique part of it was that they really made you think you had a future with that company. That’s why you couldn’t tell me shit. I was convinced that in a year I’d have my own store in Brooklyn, and there’d be some kind of 30 Under 30 article about me. So many possibilities: you could be a Visual Merchandiser, which just meant you dressed mannequins, you could be an Admin and count the money, you could be a manager or even a store director. The fact that you could actually be promoted to manager from associate was foreign to me; at TRU, if they needed a new manager, you got some guy who just came from Foot Locker. At H&M, if you were feeling macho, you could join the Building Team to set up new stores. If you were really awesome, you could join the Support Team, which meant you constantly traveled to help out newly opened stores or understaffed store – kinda like a retail mercenary. I mean, this wasn’t just “retail” – we were changing how the world shopped! Oh, how young and stupid I was…

An interesting thing I noticed was that H&M wanted you to better yourself through them, and not elsewhere. I saw store directors try to convince people to drop out of college. I mean, who needs school when you could make $40,000 a year?! You could buy a fucking boat for that money! Wait, no, you can buy a lot of happy hours.  You see, that money sounds really good when you’re 22, but then you have to realize that it’s a bitter 42 year old divorcee trying to get you to take a bite of that apple -the one who’s wearing the same thing she wore the day before, and slightly smells of Hot Pockets and sadness. Still, I was certain I’d soon be working at H&M HQ in Europe, living in an apartment furnished by the good IKEA stuff (not the dreck that we get, but the stuff they put their hearts into making – ALSO, notice how I’ve already jumped from Brooklyn to another continent?).

The best thing about H&M was also the worst thing: customer service. In layman’s terms, their customer service policy was basically “Fuck the customer.” You see, in Europe, the shopping experience is a bit more…self-motivated. If you want something, you find it. When you’re ready, they’ll ring it up for you. When H&M came to America, they felt that American shoppers expect you to hold their hands, and that it was a pathetic way to go about the retail experience. Instead of adapting to America, they were determined to retrain the customer. So, there wasn’t a bunch of “Welcome to H&M. Can I help you with anything?” Nope. Instead, it was best not to make eye contact until someone specifically asked you something to your face. If they were in the fitting room and asked you to get them another size, the answer was, “I’m sorry but you’ll have to get it yourself. I can hold your room for you, though.” If Cornell had already given me a chip on my shoulder, this experience provided the entire Frito-Lay bag. Oh, to be young and smug! Those halcyon days, however, couldn’t last forever. Eventually, H&M got enough complaints that they realized they had to change to fit their customers.

I eventually made it to Admin, but realized I still had to do registers, but it also included counting money at the asscrack of dawn. Plus, the people were just kind sad. Such a transient bunch, and most of them not memorable. I’m sure they say the same about me. What an impetuous little shit I must’ve been! It’s like if Holden Caulfield actually had to read Catcher in the Rye and think to himself, “How did I not end up getting shot.” I hear a lot of people do dumb things in their twenties, but those things are usually fun. I can’t say that I had that experience. I had a few years of a grandiose sense of self worth, fueled by selling cheap blouses to trophy wives. Huh. Where was I going with this? Oh, who cares? I’ll write about some thrift store stuff next time for my regular readers. If you came here for my toy store, you’re on the wrong site, but you can still click that box up in the right hand corner of the home screen. Until next time, take care of yourselves, and each other.

Why am I bringing this up today? Well, Marvel officially announced the details of Spider-Men, a series they’d teased but hadn’t fully explained. This summer, both universes will cross over, as Miles Morales will get to meet Peter Parker. Back when the Ultimate Universe was created, former Editor-In-Chief Joe Quesada swore that the two universes would never cross over. In fact, he said something akin to the fact that such a thing would only occur after they had completely run out of ideas. This morning, everyone online is trying to remind him of this sentiment. First off, Quesada has gone back on a LOT of his 10 year old promises. I’m pretty sure he never thought he’d have the job as long as he did, so these things happen. Also, I don’t think this is the same scenario he was discussing. Spider-Men, while controversial, isn’t such a bad idea after all.

Miles Morales is a bit green behind the ears, and he needs someone to train him. Sure, Peter had The Ultimates training him, but look how that turned out (SPOILER: he dead). Sure, The Ultimates never really got started with their training, but the fact of the matter is that Miles could learn much more from someone who’s been in his shoes rather than an outsider who doesn’t truly understand his powers.

As I write this, someone is telling me that Miles can never be THE Spider-Man if he interacts with Peter Parker. I don’t see how that’s relevant. Miles interacting with Peter just gives him another perspective on his powers and of what he can become. A similar thing happened with Ultimate Reed Richards. As the first Ultimate crossover with another Marvel Universe, the Ultimate Fantastic Four characters interacted with the characters from the Marvel Zombies universe. The events of this continue to affect Ultimate Reed Richards to this day. Learning about other universes changed his perspective, and gave him a new understanding of what he could become. Some people may not like the current state of Ult Richards (Spoiler: he bad), but the event certainly helped to shape him into something vastly different from his “regular” incarnation.

Miles needs to see a successful, grown Spider-Man in action. As it stands, the Ultimate Universe’s idea of Spider-Man isn’t the best. Sure, he died a hero, but he’s also the poster child for reckless youth. He was untrained and that lack of training got him killed. Miles just got his powers and isn’t too sure of himself. He’s studying Peter’s moves via YouTube videos, but he needs more. Not to borrow from the headlines, but this sort of interaction with the “regular” Peter Parker could serve as Miles’s “It Gets Better”. It would show him that he won’t always be the novice, but could one day successfully get the hang of things.

Comics are full of gimmicks these days, and Marvel tends to be the one doling out most of them. It’s easy to rail against things that go against the norm, but I think this storyline could be a good thing. Plus, I find that most of the people who hated the idea are the same who hated Miles to begin with, for whatever reason. I have GREATLY enjoyed the new direction of Ultimate Spider-Man – not because he’s a minority character, but because his addition breathed life into a property that had been stagnant for quite some time. Anyone following the Ultimate Universe knows that it was pretty obvious Peter was to die during the Ultimatum event, yet someone chickened out of pulling the trigger. So, we ended up with a relaunched title that accomplished nothing until they finally killed Peter and decided to move forward. This is just another step in that forward momentum. If you hate the idea, fine. this clearly isn’t for you. I don’t like half the shit you all tell me is awesome. The difference, however, is that I typically check it out for myself before making that decision. This isn’t Civil War II or another trip to the Age of Apocalypse. You only THINK you know what’s going to happen, but it’s  somewhat uncharted territory. Unlike events that exist solely to set up the next one, I can see a lot of positives that could come out of this. I only hope that I’m right.

This…this I actually bought. I didn’t mean to buy it. It just happened to be in an action figure grab bag that I bought. Yup, it’s The Crocodile Hunter, Steve Irwin, in scuba gear. In fact, if you take the mouthpiece out of his mouth, and remove his goggles, he has a horrified look on his face. No, this wasn’t made after his death as some sort of joke piece; this was made before his death. THIS FIGURE PREDICTED HIS DEATH! I just couldn’t have that in my chi, so back to the thrift store he went.

In case you can’t read it, the tagline is “Now the excitement of the Double Dare game show is in a book!” BULL and SHIT! If you’ve EVER seen Double Dare, you know that there’s no possible way to capture that in print form! Unless the pages are made from sheets of Gak, this book is full of lies. This sounds like the product of Marc Summers’s OCD: “Guys, isn’t there a…cleaner way we could do the show? How about a book? Yeah, where they’d only have to touch pages and there’d be no goo! I’ve gotta go count the fringe on my rug now.”

I’m not sure if it’s the result of new meds, but I had a dream yesterday where a panda bear fell in love with me. It knew English (no accent – very impressive) and had an unhealthy infatuation with me. It lived in a shopping mall, and my family thought it was the funniest situation. Because my family would find something fucked up like that to be funny. Anyway, I think this thing might have been messing with my brainwaves. Don’t look into its eyes!

Try not to pay attention to the dead baby legs in the bottom corner. No, you need to focus on the cover. Here’s a little backstory. This is actually on the cover to a “rainy day detective mystery book”. The selling point, however, is that the book provides “Hours and Hours of ‘By-Yourself Enjoyment’”. And get this – the “By-Yourself Enjoyment” has the little “rights reserved” R after it. So, not only does this sound like some kind of sketchy, masturbatory manual, but someone actually OWNS the phrase “By-Yourself Enjoyment”! Mind. Blown.

This would be the official timepiece of my Man Cave. I love everything about it! The 80s flair. The shoddy, “I made this in woodshop” nature of the clock; the brunette who looks like Kelly Kapowski after eating a well-needed sandwich. The wine glass stickers that had been affixed to give it a bit of a feminine touch.

I feel like I could’ve made this…ya know, if I hadn’t quit woodshop. Funny story, that. The one year I went to public school, I was all set to take woodshop, but my mom didn’t trust the kids in the class to not saw off my hand. So, I made the social faux pas of telling the teacher in the middle of class, “My mom’s not sure she wants me in this class”. From that day on, the supposedly sweet girl around the corner decided to call me “faggot” every day on the walk from the bus. Good times. Anyway, this clock reminds me of what might’ve been.

This couple has never seen a black person. Their eyes are just incapable of focusing on that spectrum. The same with poor people. The dude, however, looks like a character Will Arnett would play.

I love children’s programming, but I hated the FUCK out of Big Bad Beetleborgs (later Beetleborgs Metallix). It was your standard “pretty kids turn into Japanese heroes” show, but this seemed to cater to a younger age than Power Rangers. To drive this point home, the show’s “mascot” was Flabber, who’s pictured on the box. Flabber is what you’d get if Jay Leno were a Liberace impersonator and then you murdered him. He was this gaudy, ghostly fuck who was supposed to lend comic relief, but he was just annoying as all Hell. Plus, the show featured one of the TV tropes that I hate most: Grandma who doesn’t act her age. Get the fuck off those rollerblades, grandma! You want your fate to be at the hands of a death panel?!

Finally, we have this little gem. I’ve heard of “tough love”, but DAMN! Yes, I understand the purpose of the “For Dummies” brand, but didn’t anyone think about this one before they sent it to press? I can see the Amazon listing now “People who bought this also bought “Suicidal Thoughts for Asshats” and “A Very Fat-astic Paula Deen Christmas”

So, as you can see, I buy a lot of shit, but I don’t buy everything. Tune in next time, when I’ll show you some of the recent stuff I hid in my trunk until my fiancee fell asleep!

]]> http://www.williambrucewest.com/2012/03/07/thrift-justice-the-hardest-thing-ill-ever-have-to-do/feed/ 4 http://www.williambrucewest.com/2012/03/01/pimps-up-toys-down/ http://www.williambrucewest.com/2012/03/01/pimps-up-toys-down/#comments Thu, 01 Mar 2012 16:37:43 +0000 Will http://www.williambrucewest.com/?p=3280

Ever since I opened Will’s World of Wonder, I’ve dealt with situations I never really thought I’d encounter. Since I don’t feel like writing about comics or thrifting, I thought I’d give you a peek at the travails of the online e-seller.

Surprisingly, the venture hasn’t required too much promotion, as the items appear in Google searches. Sales were amazing right before Christmas, as most of my business seemed to be stay at home moms doing online gift shopping. After the holidays, however, things slowed down. That’s when I explored other channels to get the word out – facebook groups, Craigslist, message boards, etc. Throughout these interactions, I’ve begun to realize that it’s not that much different from online dating or (so I’ve heard) dealing with a john. People wait til they see what they’re looking for, you strike up a conversation, and you hope to make something happen. Even though it’s toys and not a lifelong relationship (or easy sex), the highs and lows are still the same.

Recently, I’ve joined a SHITLOAD of online groups, from 80s toy collectors to toy traders to what I’ll call the “justified scalpers”. Oh, you don’t know what a justified scalper is? Those are what I call the folks who buy up all the good toys, and then pop online saying, “I grabbed all the Marvel Legends at Toys “R” Us, so let me know what you need.” They feel justified because they’re not necessarily charging a mark-up, but their actions are still preventing others from being able to buy the toys.

What gets me, though, is that they also don’t seem to understand supply and demand. They seem to think there’s a magical, neverending stockpile back at the warehouse just waiting to be shipped out. So, they hop on and say “Make sure to check your local Targets because mine had the latest wave of DCUC and I BOUGHT THE WHOLE CASE. I had them check the other Targets in the area, and I’m gonna make a few more stops on the way home. Hehe.” Thanks, asshole. You just cornered the market. Sure, it’s a small market, but it’s cornered nonetheless. If you live in a town with 2 Targets, and they’re the only ones carrying a particular line, if you hit them ALL and bought up all the cases, you have effectively cornered that market for your area. And it’s not like you have 64 friends who need the figures. No, you’re “just helping out fellow collectors” . The best way this plays out is if they return them after a few days, but most either keep them for trading fodder or, worse, end up charging $30 for a $15 figure. Oh, and did I mention that they’ve opened the figure, and removed the build-a-figure piece? Anyway, long and short of it is that I’ve interacted with a lot of different people.

It all starts about the same way. Instead of waiting for them to come to me, I go looking for them. I spend some time online, and when someone posts “I’m looking for a G.I. Joe Rise of Cobra Gunship”, that’s when I pounce. Send ‘em a link, and tell them to PM me if interested. They message me, asking what I’m looking for in exchange, which always frustrates me because there’s clearly a price listed if they had simply clicked the link. Anyway, I do the dance, and repeat the price. Then, they ask about shipping. Again, the shipping is listed. If I can ship cheaper, I refund the difference, but I don’t have time to run searches on each and every zip code. OK, so after the volley, if everything goes well, you’ve got a transaction.

Sometimes, though, these people throw you for a loop. Everything is going well, and then they tell you “Oh, by the way, you’ll have to ship to The Netherlands.” THE NETHERLANDS?! I don’t even know where the fuck The Netherlands are! Do I look like Carmen Sandiego?! Why are you doing business with Americans? Why didn’t you tell me this in the beginning? It’s seriously like a betrayal. I thought we were gonna make things happen, and now I have to worry about this distance and whether or not you’re on board to do what it takes to make this work. Real grown folk drama!

Anyway, I’ve told you enough of my secrets. I think you should pay me back by buying something from me. Go, make it happen. Unless you live in the damn Netherlands. I’ve already been down that road.

For those not in the know, @specialeteacher is from Denver, so I end up spending one of the family-centric holidays out there. In my travels, I’ve discovered an AMAZING antique store that I have to visit every time I’m out there. The funny thing is I still don’t know its name. I kinda know where it is, but I don’t know what it’s called, they don’t put their name on their receipt, nothing. A lot of the time, I wonder if it was just a hallucination. It’s manned by a dude with no legs, who has a cute dog that pees on the floor. CRAZY! But it’s real. I know it is.

On my last visit, I didn’t really find a lot that excited me. In fact, it seemed like the store hadn’t changed since my visit the previous year. So, I headed for the door, and that’s when I saw it – a box right next to the door with an 80s Mattel catalog in it. I immediately snatched it up, and noticed there were other catalogs in there. Coleco, Galoob, Hasbro – all industry-only, rarely seen by fans. The owner told me that they were brought in by a guy who used to be a toy exec, and he’d gotten them all from various toy fairs. It was like finding Hef’s own special stash of porn! We’re talking the rare, good stuff! Of course, I grabbed basically all of them. I didn’t care how much they cost. I didn’t care that you could find most of the info online. I just wanted to own these. I’ve always loved catalogs, and those were just the retail stores like BEST Co and Evans. This…this was something totally different. So, here’s what I got:

For toy aficionados, you’ll recognize Coleco as the folks who gave us the mass-market Cabbage Patch Doll, several licensed ride-on vehicles, and a lot of action figure lines, like Rambo, Sectaurs, and Starcom.

This is the Galoob catalog from 1988. The most notable lines from that era are Micro Machines and the first Star Trek: The Next Generation toy line.

Of course you all know Hasbro. This is from 1987, which featured a lot of Jem, Transformers, and G.I.Joe toys. In fact, it has the Defiant shuttle gracing the back cover!

Finally, we’ve got Hasbro from 1989. This one is surprisingly thin. I remember back when I read Toyland that this was a soft year for toy releases. Still, it’s got the Joe stuff you expect, as well as a few other lines.

So, where do we go from here? Well, I’ve got a plan. Over the course of this year (well, the 10 months that are left), I’m going to spotlight each catalog in a post. I’ll post scans of pages (no more of this phone pic mess), we’ll run down 5-10 of the coolest items in each. After all, I feel this is information that should be shared with other toy fans -at least in the digital sense. They’ll have to pry the actual catalogs out of my cold dead hands!

This is part of a post that I teased all the way back at the tail end of 2011, and here we are, almost 2 months later. Before we jump into things, I should probably tell you that you won’t get the whole story this go-round, but it’ll lead into wonderful new things. That’s worth it, right? Anyway, I thought this would be a great time for the post, as many of my e-friends are gearing up to head to NYC for Toy Fair, and what you’ll see here ties into that. What’s Toy Fair? Well, I’m glad you asked!

The American International Toy Fair is held every February at both The Javits Center and the Toy Building in NYC. It’s a trade show for the industry, where buyers come to see the toys that are expected to be the hot items during the next holiday season. As it’s a trade show, it’s not open to the public. So, this has caused the show to be surrounded by a certain mystique, as toy fans have wondered what occurred within those halls. To a toy fan, going to Toy Fair is like going to Mecca. In recent years, however, it has been easier to gain access, as blogs have been able to gain press access. What used to be relegated to a ten-minute segment on 48 Hours is now the bread and butter of the toy blog set. Toy Fair news, especially the exclusive kind, is guaranteed site hits.

As we’ve already covered on the site, I love learning about the toy industry. Sure, the product is nice, but there tends to be a more interesting story behind the product. It recently occurred to me that I never wrote about my own Toy Fair experience. I, like other toy fans, have had dreams of entering the halls of Toy Fair. Remember that 48 Hours special I mentioned in the last paragraph? Well, that’s how it all started. I remember it clearly: 1988 – I was eating one of those giant chocolate chip cookies that you get from delis. And since I had a loose tooth, chewing said cookie knocked out my tooth. Anyway, while eating this cookie, I was watching 48 Hours (I was a weird kid), and they were showing the Galoob Star Trek: The Next Generation toys. This was also the dawn of my Trekkiedom, so seeing toys and Star Trek at the same time sent my little heart a-flutter. I noticed that the toys were being presented by spokesmodels wearing Starfleet uniforms. As I continued watching, I learned that this show happened EVERY year! Unfortunately, it was also only open to people in the toy industry. I didn’t know how, but I was going to find some way into that show. That was the plan.

Fast forward 20 years later. Yes, it really took 20 years. I was working at Diamond Comic Distributors, and I’d pretty much exploited that job for every opportunity it presented. I got sent to New York Comic-Con, San Diego Comic-Con, and worked with the dude who wrote most of the episodes of Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. Hell, my biggest account handled Transformers, G.I. Joe and Ghostbusters! I’d made all my dreams come true – except one. It was time to go for the brass ring. You see, Diamond also has a toy department. Well, they actually kind have two: there’s Diamond Select Toys, which is basically Art Asylum in sheep’s clothing and there’s the Diamond Toy Department, which buys up mass market things, like Marvel Legends from Hasbro, and then distributes them to comic shops. Due to its role in the toy industry, Diamond also has a presence at Toy Fair. I don’t know how I pulled this. I honestly never expected this to go through, but I mentioned to my awesome, awesome boss that I’d always wanted to go to Toy Fair. A few days later, he tells me that he can get me a pass. Sure, I’d have to get up there on my own, find my own lodging, etc, but I could get into the show. To this day, I wonder how he pulled that off, as they really loved to say “no” around there. So, one Vamoose Bus ticket purchased, and I was in NYC.

So, Toy Fair. It was everything I ever wanted yet nothing I expected, all at the same time. First off, while the news outlets focus on the hot popular stuff, like Star Wars, Cabbage Patch (well, in the 80s), and G.I. Joe, I was amazed by how much of the show actually catered to toys you’d never really think much about. See, as a Toy Fair novice, I didn’t realize that the GOOD stuff is at the Toy Building. Most of the major companies, like Hasbro, Mattel, etc, have year round showrooms at the Toy Building, and they hold most of their presentations there. The Javits Center is where they might set up a booth, but it’s not where they’re showing the best stuff. Instead, the Javits Center is comprised of smaller vendors. To make a comic analogy, Marvel and DC are in the Toy Building, while Javits is the small press.

Walking around, it was interesting to see 10 different Chinese vendors trying to sell the same little pedal car. I guess they all use the same factory, and then it becomes a bidding war to see who can give retailers the best price. Oh, right. I forgot that part. The purpose of Toy Fair (in theory) is so that retail buyers can get a sneak peak at the holiday season’s projected hits, so that they can place their orders for the season. I said “in theory” because it’s a not-so-well known fact that there’s actually an earlier November Toy Fair that’s just for the big guys like Toys “R” Us, Target, and Walmart. So, while the February Toy Fair might feature “new” stuff for some buyers, it’s more of a refresher for the bigger guys. Anyway, you end up seeing more stuff that would end up in a mom and pop toy store than you would in a major market retailer. For example, this was during the Mentos/Coke craze, so there was actually a science kit with elaborate tubes and stuff, allowing you to really get some mileage out of that explosion.

Since I didn’t know about the Toy Building showrooms at the time, I missed out on all the cool stuff. Still, I made my dream come true, and I got into Toy Fair. There was a lot of other stuff that happened during that trip, worst of all was me losing my cell phone in a cab. It was like a scene from a movie – I realized I’d left it in there just as it pulled off. I ran after it, but it turned a corner. As I ran around the corner, there was a SEA of yellow cabs. Which one was it?!! So yeah, lost my cell phone in a cab, in New York City, on a government holiday ( I think it was Presidents Day).

So why did I post this now? Well, one of the best parts about Toy Fair is the exclusives. Some of these are rare toys, while some are just industry-specific brochures. I’m sad to say that I didn’t leave with much during my adventure. I still have the program, and I think I have a picture frame, but that’s about it. However, over Christmas, I went to Denver and found a few Toy Fair items that I simply couldn’t leave behind. I think any child of the 80s would love to see these, and that’s exactly what’s going to happen…tomorrow.