Today In Black History…
So, if you followed me on Twitter at this time last year, then you're already familiar with this whole process. I wanted to do it again this year, but I'm unreliable, and I'll probably miss a day. Plus, as I've acquired more black followers, I'm learning that this isn't so uncommon. Instead of looking like a "biter", as they say, I wanted to show that I can roll with the big dawgs! So, I thought I'd blow it out in one fell swoop. Plus, at the end, you'll find a handy, dandy PDF that you can print out and remember the great contributions that Ne..African Americans have made to our society. There's a different event for each day, so share it with your white friends, and put a copy up on your Kwanzaa mantle. Yes, we can!
IT'S BLACK HISTORY MONTH, Y'ALL!!!
1) Today In Black History: Arnold & Willis Jackson became the first poor black kids adopted by a rich white person
2) Today in Black History: Jimmie Walker left his lucrative career in demolitions to become a comedian.
3) Today in Black History, The Eastland School for Girls admitted Dorothy “Tootie” Ramsey as its first black student
4) Today in Black History, the Fresh King of Bel Air was assassinated. The throne remained empty until a long lost son was found in 1990.
5) Today in Black History, Kunta Kinte is accepted into the space program, and it only costs him his eyesight.
6) Today in Black History, the black girl became the Yellow Ranger, which was only slightly less offensive.
7) Today in Black History, boxer Cassius Clay was bitten by a radioactive Muslim, transforming him into Muhammad Ali
8) Today in Black History, the remains of the fabled “Caribbean Queen” were found in the trunk of Billy Ocean’s car.
9) Today in Black History, Devonté Henson became the first black person to scale the Aggro Crag.
10) Today in Black History, a young Tyler Perry put on his first dress. Years later, he would learn that he could be paid for it.
11) Today in Black History, scientists combined the DNA of Morris Day and a pony. The result was Prince.
12) Today in Black History, Mr. T pitied his first fool, which is still illegal in most states.
13) Today in Black History, Lt Uhura inspired a generation of black women to work for the phone company.
14) Today in Black History, DeBarge discovered a place where they could dance the whole night away. It was an abandoned T.J. Maxx
15) Today in Black History, the US Government cracked down on music piracy after Rerun snuck that tape recorder into the Doobie Bros concert
16) Today in Black History, the Negro Hockey League was founded. After everyone had a good laugh, the site was converted to a Popeyes.
17) Today in Black History, Magic Johnson opened the first movie theater chain where blacks were encouraged to yell at the screen
18) Today in Black History, George Washington Carver’s lazier brother, Jamal, invented crunchy peanut butter.
19) Today in Black History, Janet Jackson joined the cast of TV’s “Fame”. Critics declared this would be the lowest point for the Jackson family
20) Today in Black History, Dwayne Wayne discovered a parallel universe - a different world, where Marisa Tomei was the only white person.
21) Today in Black History, Frederick, MD was named for Frederick Douglass - known for his love of Walmart and the white women
22) Today in Black History, Aunt Jemima discovered Uncle Ben’s affair with Mrs Butterworth, thus splitting Black America’s first power couple
23) Today in Black History, Acorn Avenue -an all-black version of Sesame Street, debuted featuring NeGrover & Big Turkey. It would only air once
24) Today in Black History, 16 Soul Train dancers were killed in what has come to be known as “The Cabbage Patch Massacre of ‘91”
25) Today in Black History, Autobot Rosa Sparks gained attention when she refused to transform into the back of a bus. (Courtesy of @OAFE)
26) Today in Black History, Jesse Jackson formed the R&B group The Civil Rights. They were dropped from Motown before releasing a single.
27) Today in Black History, with Knight Rider & The A-Team, NBC became the first network to devote a night to shows starring black vehicles
28) Today in Black History, Republican scientists proclaimed "Shucky ducky!" as they successfully completed secret cloning experiment, Operation: Chocolate Cheney.
Be sure to celebrate responsibly, but let's get it poppin' like a Jackson Hewitt commercial! After all, it's what our ancestors would've wanted.
Who’s That Guy?
My rants tend to take a nostalgic bent, but I find I try to stay away from the true "retro blogging" front. I rarely venture earlier than '93, and there are so many bloggers that already have a handle on the '80s stuff. That said, the folks over at UnderScoopFIRE! and ColdSlither Podcast have really kind of stoked the fires for my nostalgia. Having followed them on Twitter, and listened to their podcasts, I realize that they're my kind of people. Every day, I can count on a great debate like "Stone Cold OR The Rock?" or "Ma'am and George Papadapolis OR "Philip and Maggie Drummond?" These aren't the debates you get from CNN, but these questions must be asked! So, the wheels have been turning, and I've started thinking about 80s pop culture, and some of the quirk inherent to that era. One such phenomenon I'd like to refer to as "Who's That Guy?"
Sitcoms have really evolved over the past 50 or so years. Before we settled on the whole single camera, no laugh track model (The Office), we had the multicamera, studio audience model (Three's Company). In the beginning, these shows usually starred some comedian or variety act, maybe a husband and wife team. Then, we got to the 70s where things were a bit more politically charged, and sitcoms began to explore the workplace (Mary Tyler Moore). In the '80s, however, shit got weird.
In the 80s, shows centered on a family model, and tended to have male family friend who Just Might Be Gay. Who's that guy? Why is he here? What's his motivation? He wasn't just a wacky neighbor, as those had been around for years. No, this was something different. Of course, he couldn't actually be gay, as Three's Company showed us that you could only be gay if you weren't (Ha! He's only pretending). No, these characters seemed like they were testing the waters of America's acceptance of the potential of a gay sitcom character. The role disappeared in the 90s when shows gravitated towards the Living Single model - centered around a group of friends who are primarily not immediate family; I'd say Friends model, but any black person under the age of 50 will tell you that Living Single did it first (Honestly, I think TGIF's Going Places might have actually pioneered the whole thing, but I digress). It's said that the funniest jokes have some truth to them, so it stands to reason that these roles were possibly meant to ease America into the idea of homosexuality, without fully understanding how best to accomplish that. After all, this was new territory for the era, so there wasn't really a road map as to how to successfully pull this off. These characters were always played as "bachelors", but little "bacheloring" was done on their part. It's kinda like your middle-aged uncle who lives with his "friend", Kevin. At most, they were played for comic relief. Still, their addition always seemed a bit off, as if mandated by the network. I want to take a closer look at some of these characters.
In the sitcom Webster, real-life couple Alex Karras and Susan Clark take in little Emmanuel Lewis, and hilarity ensues! Not really. Anyone with eyes knew that this was just a Chinese knockoff of Diff'rent Strokes. I wonder if white folks were as crazy about adopting black kids as TV led me to believe. Seriously, TV made it seem like a typical yuppie weekend agenda was:
_Play tennis at the club
_Brunch
_Detail the BMW
_Go down to the orphanage and look at the black kids
The saddest thing about Webster was that he wasn't even a part of the original premise. It was just meant to be a show about the couple, but everyone was apparently riding the wave of black adoptions (gotta catch 'em all!), so Webster was pigeonholed into the show. And then he took over. And the real life couple wasn't pleased.
Anyway, despite all the behind the scenes drama, something interesting was happening onscreen. You see, the show introduced Jerry (played by Henry Polic II - how do you even become a "II"? Don't you have to be a JUNIOR? Anyway...), who was the male secretary to Katherine Papadapolis. Hold up, MALE SECRETARY?!! But that's a WOMAN's job, like housekeeping (little did we know the 80s would also turn that occupation on its head, too). Anyway, I've watched a LOT of TV. We're talking a LOT. That said, I can't remember an important episode featuring Jerry. I do remember him dressed up as Dracula once. Otherwise, I just remember him as looking like he could be Cousin Larry Appleton's stand-in. As a child, though, all I could think was "Why is he here? They already want me to believe these rich white folks want Webster, and now I've gotta make sense of him, too?!" I don't know if there were any episodes about Jerry going on dates with women way out of his league, or a rushed marriage storyline or anything. In hindsight, part of what taints my memory of him is the Britcom, Take A Letter, Mr Jones. In that show, John Inman (of Are You Being Served? fame) plays a male secretary, and I don't think John Inman EVER played a straight character, so I guess I'm applying that bias to Jerry on Webster. Was Webster sending a message through established gender roles or was it trying to change established gender roles? Let's move on to another example, shall we?
Another quirky 80s sitcom was Too Close For Comfort, starring Mary Tyler Moore/Caddyshack alum, Ted Knight. This show was all over the place, partly because it went from network to first-run syndication - changing plot points as it went along. Mainly, Knight played Henry Rush, a cartoonist whose most popular strip was Cosmic Cow. He lived in San Francisco with his wife and hot daughters. Oh, and Monroe Ficus.
Played by Jim J. Bullock, Monroe started out as a friend of Henry's daughters. While he's a klutz and always tends to gum up the works, his heart is usually in the right place. Over time, Henry becomes a bit of a father figure to him - especially once the daughters are written out of the show. The problem with Monroe, though, is that he's a character that just doesn't exist in that time period. I mean, in today's vernacular, you would classify him as a manchild, but not in the Judd Apatow sense of the word. Those characters just don't want to embrace responsibility, while Monroe just had a Peter Pan naivete about him. He never dated any of Rush's daughters, nor did he even try. I've been watching the show a lot lately on Antenna TV, and he doesn't seem to ever really have girlfriends. Then, there's the "very special episode" where he's raped during his shift as a mall guard. It's played for comedic effect, even though there's a buried message about how men can be raped, too. He's embarrassed to go to the police, but Henry convinces him that he should. The whole message isn't conveyed very well, and you find out he was raped by a burly senior citizen, so it's still "Haha, poor Monroe!"
As a character, Monroe was a sweet kid, but what was his true purpose? Sure, he served as a foil for Henry (much like the Urkel and Carl relationship from Family Matters), there are still a lot of questions that need to be answered about the character's motivations. Early on, we learn that his own parents don't really even care about him, from dissuading him from visiting, to not even calling on his birthday. This is part of why Henry decides to make time for him, but why did the Ficus clan disavow him?
Then, there's the fact that the character was played by Jim J. Bullock. A longtime HIV survivor, Bullock has never been shy about his sexuality, and he actually learned he had the virus during the final season of Too Close For Comfort. I often wonder if Monroe never chased women because they felt the audience wouldn't believe it OR if Monroe was actually as gay a character as network TV was willing to allow at the time.
Here's where I wanted to talk about Joey Gladstone from Full House. I've always had a problem with Full House because I don't know why Danny Tanner puts up with all those freeloaders. Seriously, Joey wasn't a blood relative, and it seemed like they were helping him more than he was helping them. Also, when you get married, it's time to move out. When you have a baby, it's time to move out. When you become a DJ, it's time to move out. You do NOT move into the attic, expand said attic, or install a studio in the basement. As you see, though, most of my problems were actually with Jesse - Joey was just along for the ride. Plus, any theories about Joey were dispelled by Wolfgnards's excellent takedown of what was really going on in the Tanner household.
So, we've gone over just a few examples here. There are others who fit the mold (Dexter on Silver Spoons, Ralph Simpson on Gimme A Break!, etc), while others don't (Charley Dietz on Empty Nest). In fact, speaking of Charley, he's indicative of what happened later on in the decade. Played by "Joe Isuzu" actor David Leisure, Charlie was an oversexed douchebag, much like a real-life version of Family Guy's Quagmire. In the latter half of the decade, most of the "Who's That Guy?" characters would follow this path, as womanizing cads with little moral character. If psychology tells you anything, these guys are actually more likely to have issues dealing with their sexuality than the characters like Jerry and Monroe. But this has already gotten too cerebral, and I'll be damned if I'm gonna actually use my degree for a blog post! Can you think of any other characters who fit the mold? Am I way off base here? Do you just want me to hurry up and talk about comics and toys again? Stay tuned!
Thrift Justice – What You Leave Behind
It's funny when people find out about my whole thrifting obsession. One of the first questions I get is "Where do you keep all of the stuff?" Well, it's spread across the state of Maryland in various strongholds. Or am I lying? The point I wanted to make today is that, contrary to popular belief, I don't buy every quirky little thing that I come across. In fact, there are a lot of items that I'm simply thrilled to see, and don't really need to go through the trouble of lugging them home. There have been many items that caught my eye for various reasons, but I had to leave them where they were. I thought I'd share a few of those with you today.
If this isn't your first time here, then you already know that I have an unhealthy affinity for boybands. It is what it is. That said, it was a lot worse when I was in high school. I bought more YM and Teen People than any heterosexual male should ever purchase. I couldn't help it, though - every issue seemed to focus on some boyband du jour, and I LOVED the embarrassing stories letter columns. Those chicks were TOTALLY MORTIFIED!
Anyway, I just found the cover to this to be hilarious. 98 Degrees were in a weird place, as they actually came out prior to the boyband explosion, and then had to change their image to fit with the times. Just look at the nerdlinger in the middle. I STILL don't know how he got in that group. Was he just a really old Make-A-Wish patient or something?
Once upon a time, Haim Saban gave birth to a really gifted child, known as the Mighty Morphin Power Rangers. Since Haim had a success on his hands, and he LOVED money, he decided to give birth to another child. This second child would take advantage of the world's new fascination with the concept of "virtual reality". He created VR Troopers, in which a bro, his black friend, and the chick who won't let him bang, all have the ability to enter a VR world, where they fight a white businessman who hasn't yet learned that the real fun is in foreclosures. Oh, and there's also a talking dog. Anyway, Saban's second child was seen as the retard of the dynasty, and we done away with after 2 seasons. What you're seeing is a GIANT figure of main character Ryan Steele in his VR form. This thing is a good 15 inches, at least. It was made by Kenner, so it boasts minimal articulation. There was a part of me that felt it would make a quirky mantle piece, but I just didn't want such a totem of failure messing up my chi. So, I had to leave Ryan behind.
OK, now this one is a real kicker. I was in an antique mall, and stumbled upon this little piece of history. You're not going to be able to read the text, so let me spell it out for you. On the left is a letter written to James Earl Ray, who you might know from history class as Martin Luther King's convicted assassin. I put the word "convicted" in there, as an article featured in the New Times magazine on the right implied that King's death was part of a vast conspiracy. If you want to know more about that, there's always Google and Wikipedia. No, the interesting part is on the left. It was a letter sent to Ray while he was in prision. The author of the letter was giving Ray his support, saying that the article had provided enough evidence that the case should be reopened. At the bottom of this letter, Ray actually wrote a reply, with prisoner number, signature, and all. It's also funny that he writes "Ray" the same way it was written on the movie poster for the Ray Charles biopic. Now, THAT would be a conspiracy!
Before he became an internet meme and Texas Ranger, Chuck Norris was just a dude with a beard who starred in borderline shitty movies. He also had a actually shitty 80s cartoon, called Chuck Norris: Karate Kommandos. Ya know, considering how many shows kept replacing "C" with "K" in their titles, it's no wonder our generation can barely read. Hell, one of your friends might be reading this aloud to you as we speak! But I digress...The 80s were an odd time, what with deregulation and all, where you could have a 5-episode miniseries that's rerun throughout an entire season and also spawns a toy line. FIVE EPISODES! But that's exactly what happened here.
I got one of the figures when they first came out. Still have him. You can't imagine the torture I inflicted on that thing. The one toy that I always wanted, however, was his car (or would that be "kar"?). Actually, its proper name is the "Karate Corvette." I honestly can't believe they didn't go with "Korvette"; who was steering this ship?! Oddly enough, I've been having dreams about this toy lately. Don't ask why - I couldn't tell you myself. The dreams must have been an omen, however, that the Karate Corvette would soon enter my life. Ever since I started doing these thrift runs, I had a mental list of toys that I expected to see, and this car was always on it. Last week, my search was over, as it was right before my eyes. This car is 80s badassery cranked up to 11. Not only is it a Corvette, which was THE pussydrencher automobile of the decade, but it had fucking ninja blades that popped out of the sides and hood! It's like a 4-wheeled assault on homeless guys who try to wash your windows at red lights! I always wanted this car, but this one wasn't in the best shape, plus it's almost the size of a Barbie Corvette. No, I would have to leave it behind. After all, Chuck can't drive it in the World of Warcraft, anyway.
Back when I was 12, and before I learned that they showed boobs during Masterpiece Theatre, Ghostwriter was the coolest thing on PBS. Basically, it's about a bunch of New York tweens who solve mysteries through the power of literacy. They were aided by Ghostwriter, who appeared like a karaoke ball and would rearrange available letters to send them messages. Sure, it sounds pretty dumb now, but it was pretty engrossing, especially when most story arcs were 4-5 episodes long - somewhat unheard of in children's programming. None of those kids went anywhere, except for Spanish Kid #2 who ended up as Token Gay Guy on The Real World: Philadelphia. Nope, no room for this in my lair. Plus, I'm still kinda pissed off that they never got around to telling Ghostwriter's origin!
Blue Collar Ninja! How awesome is that?! It's like something out of The Adventures of Dr. McNinja. I'm STILL kicking myself for leaving him behind. He would've looked GREAT on a shelf, but I was put off by his bootleg nature. He looked like the kind of thing that would just fall apart once I got him out of the bag. Blue collar ninja! He pays bills, drives a truck, and SILENTLY KILLS PEOPLE!
So, on that note, I think I'll wrap this up. This is most likely the last Thrift Justice post of 2011, so I thank you all for joining me for the ride. Be sure to come back in 2012, when I'll be another year older, yet hopefully just as funny. Until next time, keep your feet on the ground, and keep reaching for the stars!
Thrift Justice – Lois Lane Meets The TMNT
Last weekend saw the final Civitan Flea Market of the year. As I've written in the past, this neighborhood sale is GREAT for finding collectible treasures. This sale was no different, as I made some pretty sweet deals. Let's take a closer look at some of the booty I scored.
Now, when I get to any sale, I try to pace myself but I have a lot of trouble with that whole process. Whether it's a comic con or a yard sale, I tend to blow my wad too soon, and then end up spending more judiciously as the day goes on. The Civitan market takes place in a 5-level parking garage, and you enter from the top level. I didn't know what wonders might lurk in the depths below, but before I could descend I immediately found myself rifling through a box of Silver Age comics.
I've gotten to a point in my life where I try not to buy old comics unless they're just basically giving them away. Anything under $1 is fair game to me. After all, most folks think their stuff is worth way more than it is, and most of those stories have been retconned 3 times over by now. I do, however, have an affinity for Silver Age DC books. If you pick up Marvel stuff from that era, it's just full of hyperbole and cave drawings, but old DC books were actually...fun. Due to a magnet set that we have on our refrigerator, I've gained an appreciation for Lois Lane comics. Honestly, I feel like DC writers sat around and wondered, "How can make Lois a huge bitch this month?" Those old bastards clearly had some run-ins with the wrong kind of women, and seemed to have an ax to grind. That series is CRAZY, whether she's tricking Superman into a paternity suit or changing her race to be black for a day. I picked up a few some months back, and I found 13 more on this particular day. This batch even included the issue I mentioned where she's black for a day! I actually already have a copy of that one, but I know I'll probably end up gifting it to someone. I told the old lady manning the booth that the books would be going to a good home, for a little boy who loves comics (it's secretly ME! Muhuhahaha!). She cut me a pretty good deal, as I paid $25 for these, as well as the comics you'll see below.
These are some other silver age books I picked up. Back when I first got into comics, I used to buy these grab bags from my local shop that were just FULL of crap. I didn't know any better then, but it would have comics for toylines, like Visionaries, as well as old All-Star Squadron and issues of canceled series. I remember getting issues of The Secret Society of Super Villains and Kobra, and loving them. So, I had to jump on the issues you see here. I probably already own that Brave and the Bold (I bought a bunch of them at a con a few months back that I still haven't processed), but I'll buy any cheap Batman comics.
Not quite "Silver Age", these are some 80s era comics I got. Again, more cheap Batman. I believe that's the final issue of Ted Kord's series. It says "The Final Adventure", but that could just be comic hyperbole. There was a time when you could always count on Superman to have dynamic covers, and this is a great example of that. He's begging, in an alley! How can you pass that up? I probably have that issue of X-Men, but I'm a sucker for 80s Uncanny. The way I see it, the $25 was for the Lois Lane books, as $2 an issue was a great deal; the rest of this stuff was just a bonus.
The series that wouldn't die! Fans brought this thing back to life more than I can remember, but that must say something about its quality. I've never read Spider-Girl, but I was always curious. Plus, it'll give me more Adventures West Coast material. I'm not sure if this is the very first collected edition, but it does include issues 0-8. Plus, I got it for a dollar, so it's not like I could shake a stick at that!
Let me clear something up - I am nowhere near a "gamer". My newest system is the PS2, and I use it primarily as a DVD player. Lindsay and I had a Rock Band/Guitar Hero phase, but I don't really get into games. I do, however, pick up games when I find them A) interesting and B) cheap as dirt. Somewhere along the line, I forgot that I'm in a relationship, so the concept of "downtime" doesn't really exist anymore. Still, in my mind, I have this vision of playing video games all night, while drinking Smirnoff Ice. When I come across a cheap game, I think to myself, "Would I enjoy playing this game, while sipping on a cool malt beverage?" I didn't even know this game existed, and it appears to be the precursor to the popular Red Dead Redemption. The guy sold it to me for about $3, so that was enough for me. I'll probably never play it, but if I ever feel like reenacting a Western, at least I'll have it.
I'll admit that this was an impulse buy. While I collect Batmobiles, I've passed on this thing at many a thrift store. I found it at a booth that usually has a lot of great comic stuff. Remember the comic posters and Age of Apocalypse cover from the last flea market post? Yeah, that booth. Anyway, at that time, they'd assured me that they would have a ton of comic stuff at this sale, as it's the last one of the year. I went just looking for them. I get there, and this is pretty much all they had. It had a sticker on the hood, guaranteeing me that "it works". I can't even verify that at this time, but it's a big-ass, battery operated Batmobile monster truck. Yeah, I'm kind of ashamed, so let's move on.
So, I'm wandering through the aisles, and I find myself at a dead end, with this TMNT Lair playset sitting on a table. I start looking at it, as I've never really seen one of these in person. I didn't really pay much attention to TMNT, as that was the incarnation for kids of the '00s. For me, I only deal in Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. Show some respect, and spell that shit out! Anyway, as I inspecting it, the seller comes by and asks, "Would you like that big thing?" I proceeded to tell her that my fiancee would kill me, but she keeps on pressing. She tells me that it wuld be 50% off. That's when I see the price tag: $3.00. I ask her, "So, wait, you mean this would only be $1.50?!" She says that is correct. Well, now you understand why I currently own a Turtle Lair playset. Back when the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle Sewer Playset came out, my mom gave me a choice: I could either get it OR get the G.I.Joe General. I was more into our American heroes, so I chose the latter. The General's sitting out in our shed, as I get to fill that void with this newer Turtle playset.
So, there ya have it. I'll miss the Civitan Flea Market, but you better believe I'll be there on the first Saturday of next April! Coming soon, I've got another installment of Thrift Justice:YSE, where we'll talk about some of my greatest yard sale FAILS.
Adventures West Coast – The Flash: Rebirth
I've been putting this one off for some time, but there's no better day than today to get this out. You see, earlier today, I was tweeting about how I didn't understand the appeal of a certain guy who makes old school rap about Marvel characters. I was nowhere near as mean as you know I can get, but he still found out and decided to retweet it to his followers. Why he did this, I do not know. Maybe he wanted to rile up his army or something. In any case, I ended up getting 3 @replies from fanboys & girls who were defending his honor. Well, this led me to think back to another time I was talking trash about comic folks on Twitter.
A little over a year ago, I was talking to my good e-pals over at OAFE, and we were talking about Geoff Johns's love of Silver Age concepts. The discussion turned to Barry Allen, the Silver Age Flash, who had been "dead" in real people time (RPT) since 1986. Well, Johns was bringing Allen back to assume the mantle of The Flash, despite the fact that nobody wanted this to happen. By this point in time, everyone had pretty much settled on Wally West (Barry's former apprentice, and current Flash) as THE Flash. I mentioned how Johns wasn't going to stop until the current DC Universe looked like it did during the Silver Age of the 60s.
Now, I'm usually good about covering my tracks. I knew not to include Johns's actual twittername, as I didn't necessarily want him in this discussion. OAFE, however, had other ideas, and Johns's username was inserted in one of the replies in our discussion. I noticed this, but thought nothing of it and went to sleep. When I woke up, I had a DM from Geoff Johns, where he said that he really wanted me to give the book a chance. He included his email address, and asked me to send him my mailing address. Well, when the Chief Creative Officer of DC Comics beckons, you answer! I quickly drafted an email, thanking him for actually appealing to me, while sheepishly backpedaling on what he'd probably read from my discussion thread. About a month later, I received a box containing The Flash: Rebirth HC, as well as signed copies of The Flash #1 & 2. A better person would've jumped right into these books, and changed his tune about what he'd said. I, however, am not a better person. I sent Geoff an appreciative thank you email, and then I proceeded to put the books on a shelf for the next year. After finishing up Flashpoint, and realizing that Rebirth was actually kind of the start of it all, I thought it might finally be time to check it out. So, the other night, between Family Guy and China, IL, I finally got through it.
I should've had a disclaimer at the beginning, but the most interesting part of the whole saga was HOW I obtained the book. The story itself, not so much. You see, while The Flash: Rebirth is a decent enough story, it relies WAY too much on prior knowledge of The Flash. This series was not written to introduce Barry Allen to a new generation of comic fans; it was written to change the minds of the current generation of Flash fans. Did I confuse you there? It's like this: if you never gave a shit about The Flash and his franchise, this book isn't going to change that. At all. It relies on the reader to already know who Barry Allen, Wally West, Bart Allen, Liberty Belle/Jesse Quick, Jay Garrick, and Max Mercury are. That's a whole lotta speedsters! Plus, it makes reference to the fact that Max somehow disappeared, Liberty Belle at some point had some attachment to the speedsters, and Bart "came back" from somewhere, and I can't remember if it's from a trip to the future, or the time that he "died". Then, there's the whole matter of the Speed Force, which is where all of the speedsters draw their power. It was already as convoluted as Star Trek: The Next Generation technobabble, but then they had to throw in the idea of a Negative Speed Force. Plainly put, it is NOT a great introduction to the world of the Flash. It's an "Everything but the kitchen sink" approach to the franchise, which isn't great for the casual reader.
As the story starts, Barry Allen is trying to get used to how the world has changed since he's been gone, while everyone around him is preparing to celebrate his return. Through the magic of decompression, this whole thing is told over the course of 6 issues. Basically, he runs really fast ('cause that what The Flash does), and he ends up finding a bunch of other speedsters within the Speed Force. Some good, some bad, but they all seem to die when he touches them. It turns out that it's all the work of The Reverse Flash, or Professor Zoom, or whatever he's called now. For the sake of clarity, we'll call him Yellow Flash. You know he's bad because his suit is ugly (even though the "hero" basically dresses like a hornless devil, but that's a debate for another time). Then, through a whole bunch of flashbacks, we also deal with the fact that Barry was constantly driven by the desire to clear his father's name for the murder of his mother. I don't know if this is true or a retcon, as Barry died shortly after I became my parents' happy little "surprise". Haven't read very many Barry stories, and that's not a Flash Fact I've seen printed on Underoos and cereal boxes. In any case, he wants to solve his mom's murder. In the present day, he gets possessed by the Negative Speed Force, making him EEEVVVIIILLL! It's because he hates the modern world, and wants to go back to the comfort of The Speed Force. Remember in Shawshank Redemption how the dude couldn't handle the outside world and hanged himself? Yeah, kinda like that. I'm gonna cut to the chase: Yellow Flash killed Barry's mom. Like you didn't see that coming. But here's the real kicker: it turns out that Barry's family had actually grown old and lived a long life together. Yellow Flash wanted to torment Barry, so he went back in time and killed the mom. So, the mom's death was an in-story retcon. Mindfuckery! Yellow Flash can't kill Barry because he needs him in order to eventually exist, but that don't mean he can't kill the people around Barry! In the end, Barry realizes that his wife, Iris, is his "anchor", and he decides he wants to LIVE! The world celebrates his return, and Yellow Flash is abducted by some other Flash villain that I guess I'm supposed to know.
I'm not gonna be your typical internet fanboy and say "that fucking sucked!" Honestly, I can't say that. All I can say is that it wasn't written for me. I have a friend who worships at the altar of The Flash, and I'm pretty sure he might enjoy it when he gets around to reading it. I just don't have enough history with the franchise for it to resonate with me. It's like a giant speedster family reunion, but you really need to know about all of them to really grasp the weight of it all. I went into it thinking that the point of the miniseries was to make me care about Barry, but instead it seems to be intended to make the reader care about The Flash Legacy. This would all be well and good if they hadn't done away with all of that in the New 52. As far as we can tell, Wally doesn't exist, Jay doesn't exist, Jesse & Max may not exist, and Bart is kind of a different person. We know Yellow Flash existed up to Flashpoint, as that was all his fault, but I don't know about post-Flashpoint. So, in a lot of ways, it could also be seen as a farewell love letter to the speedsters. Whatever it was, I don't think it was for the casual fan and, as a casual fan, it didn't leave me with the feeling that Barry Allen was the rightful speedster to bear the mantle of The Flash. He spends most of Rebirth, telling those around him that he didn't need to come back. You would think that would force the story to prove that he is, in fact, needed in this world, but i don't think it accomplishes that task. Anyway, since he's The Flash of the New 52, it's not like we really have a choice. So, I guess I'll have to learn to like him. In closing, it was totes awesome (I got that phrase from my pal over at The Robot's Pajamas) for Geoff to reach out to me like he did, and I only wish the story could've resonated with me the way that I think he felt it would. Honestly, I think that's what makes me feel the worst about this whole thing.
Introducing Thrift Justice: YSE!
What can I say? I love TV, I love branding, and I love spinoffs. So, I figured it'd be a good idea to separate my normal thrift store hauls from my yard sale hauls, especially since there are usually some pretty good stories from those yard sales. That gives us Thrift Justice: Yard Sale Edition, or Thrift Justice: YSE for the hip kids. Think of this just like the normal Thrift Justice you've come to know and love, only with a dose of Ice-T and Mariska Hargitay thrown into the mix. I'm typically the guy who doesn't enjoy the party until it's almost over, so it's only fitting for me to start this little feature just as the yard sale season begins to wind down. In any case, there are quite a few items I haven't shown you, and I hope I can remember the stories behind them. So, shall we get on with the show?
What you see here is a nice little collection of G.I.Joe vehicles that I acquired last weekend. You Joe collectors will recognize the following:
-Cobra WOLF
-Badger
-Skystorm X-Wing Chopper
-Swampmasher
-Desert Fox 6WD
-Dreadnok Cycle
-Cobra Imp
-Action Force Missile Launcher
I tend to plan out my route on Friday nights (yes, some of us plan these things), and I noticed a listing just kinda snuck in the fact that there were be G.I.Joe vehicles. It was an odd blurb that read something like "Fine crystal, linens, G.I.Joe Vehicles, artwork". Well, those are certainly strange bedfellows! The sale was slated to start at 7:30, so it went to the top of my list.
The next morning, I pulled up to her house and was somewhat shocked that nobody was there except an older lady who was having a conversation with the seller. I immediately thought that someone had beat me to the Joes! After all, the ads always say "No early birds!", but that doesn't mean someone didn't swoop in just before I got there. I cautiously walked over to a large plastic storage unit, and my eyes filled with joy and wonder! There they were, in pretty nice condition given their age. The lady explained that they had belonged to her sons, but had just been sitting in the garage. She said they had kept their figures, but didn't seem to want the vehicles anymore. So, their loss was my gain. We didn't even have to haggle. 10 minutes later, I was driving off with a car full of 1987 treasures. Anyway, if you like anything you see, you should know how to find me by now...
One concept I've adopted over the course of my travels is the idea of of "thrift karma" - I tend to believe that something awesome is out there waiting for me, and when I do find it, I try not to be greedy. For instance, I hit paydirt at this first sale, so I should've called it quits and gone home with my wares. Instead, I ended up freestyling (I got that from American Pickers, thank you very much!) for another 4 hours, which just wasted gas and yielded nothing. Listen to Kenny Rogers, folks - know when to walk away!
Notes From The Road
(courtesy of vintagegameworld.com)
This is where I'll share a few observations that I've made while racing from sale to sale. Over the weekend, I noticed that everyone is finally cashing in their Trivial Pursuit SNL Edition investments. Let's take a trip back in time, to around 2006. Licensed versions of Trivial Pursuit were nothing new, but one of the most niche offerings was Trivial Pursuit SNL Edition. As KB Toys starting shutting down across the country, these games were some of the last items they had left, eventually marked down to around $7 or so in my area. Now, let's fast forward to last weekend. A game I hadn't seen in almost 10 years resurfaced at 3 separate yard sales, a few with the KB price tag scratched out on the box. That's the danger of speculating - not everything's gonna be a collector's item, especially when your neighbor's selling the same exact thing.
Anyway, I hope you liked the new series. Tune in next time, as I'll share with you a few of my biggest yard sale failures!
Thrift Justice – Strapped For Cash
I've got a great haul from the weekend to share with you, but I'm still writing that up. In the meantime, feast your eyes on some great stuff I've picked up recently. Let's jump right in, shall we?
First up, we've got these tabloid-sized specials, know as History of Comics Vols 1 & 2. These were created by fan favorite comic artist Jim Steranko, and they used to be advertised as mail-away items in old comics from the 70s (I guess they were also sold in book stores, but I don't really know much about the 70s books tore scene). Anyway, from what I've ben able to find out, the versions I got are known as Volume 1B and Volume 2B, since they don't have the title written on the cover. What makes this buy even more special, however, is the fact that my copy of Volume 1 is signed and numbered by renowned Italian filmmaker, Frederico Fellini. You see, he wrote the foreword to the series, as he had been a big fan of Steranko. Now, do I have a certificate of authenticity? No, but I don't really care. If I need to, I can just take it to Gold & Silver Pawn and have Frankenstein Randy Travis do some handwriting analysis on the signature.
I love the Power Rangers. Now that we got that out of the way, I've been tracking down old morphers like it's my job. I'm not even looking for them, but they keep popping up at thrift stores. I stopped buying most PR toys about 15 years ago (which was still too late in the minds of most people), but I used to really be into the Zords and morphers. Hands down, Power Rangers morphers were my favorite role playing toys. These used to retail anywhere from $10-15, but I've been finding these for roughly $1 each. Still operational and everything. To top it off, they're models that came out after I stopped buying, so I've been able to restart my collections where I left off. What you see here, from left to right, is the Time Force Morpher, Ninja Storm Wind Morpher, some kinda bootleg Dino Thunder Morpher, and the Overdrive Tracker.
My love of Batman is pretty well-known. I thought I had stumbled upon something awesome with this lunch box, as the date on the decal is 1982. It certainly looked pre-Super Powers, which would place it before 1985. That said, the decal doesn't jibe with the rest of the package. You see, the latch is incorrect. I stopped getting these lunch boxes in the very early 90s, at which point they were still using a metal latch. The latch on this one is completely plastic, placing it later in the decade. Still, aside from all that Pawn Stars babble you didn't ask for, it was still a nice find for 99 cents!
This is Max Ray, from the 80s cartoon The Centurions. I've been on the lookout for these because, just like Radiohead albums, you never see them at yards sales and thrift stores. This figure was pretty incomplete, as he didn't come with any of the accessories that fit into the holes situated all over his body. Despite all that, I'm still pretty happy to own this guy, as he always reminded me of Tony Stark.
I always told myself that if I ever won the lottery, I'd buy one of those replica wrestling belts that costs $300. I'd wear it to church, court, to the bathroom. Don't care. Referred to as "The Strap" by the professionals, I'd always have it slung over my shoulder (no one ever wears it as an actual belt!). Well, I've yet to win the lottery, so I don't have one of those belts. I never wanted to pay the $15 for the crappy kids version at retail, but I had no problem paying 99 cents for one! The belt that I chose was the Intercontinental Title, and I did so for a reason. You see, everybody wants to be The Champ. Everyone thinks they're Triple H, or John Cena or The Rock. I'm honest with myself. If I joined the WWE tomorrow, I'd NEVER get a shot at the WWE Title. I could, however, get the Intercontinental belt. That was the belt you used to get for beating Goldust or The Mountie. That's more my speed.
I hated leaving these guys behind, as I think I'm probably America's biggest straight male boyband fan. That said, I didn't want these at $10 apiece. I'm pretty sure they didn't cost that much when they were originally offered by Best Buy (they were promo items), and 'NSYNC merchandise isn't really on the rise. So, I had to say bye bye bye to them. Yup, I just said that.
Thanks for tuning in, and come back on Thursday for a special Thrift Justice surprise!
Book Report – Toyland: The High-Stakes Game of the Toy Industry
This will come as a surprise to no one, but I used to want to work in the toy industry. Yeah, I did the whole 10 years at Toy "R" Us, but I also chose my college major in the hopes of landing a position at Kenner (hey, it was still around then!) or Mattel. My major was early childhood development, with a focus on play and interaction. Since there was no real "toy curriculum", I figured knowledge of how children go about playing would point me in the right direction. I couldn't have been more wrong. It turns out that toy companies want *designers*. Instead of trying to make educational toys that look pretty, toy companies attempt to make pretty toys that seem educational. Like with dating and job interviews, looks come first. I did, however, manage to snag an internship at a small specialty toy company in Chicago, called Manhattan Toy. Now, during my time at TRU, I'd learned that I didn't really care about ALL toys - I just loved aisles 6D and 7D. So, when this small stuffed animal company came along, brash 19-year old me blew it off and jetted of to London. By the time I graduated, I started to realize my dream may not come true. Then came Diamond.
Many people may not realize this, but Diamond has a toy team. Sure, most of the focus is on comics, but they're also the ones responsible for getting those overpriced toys and busts to your local comic shop. Sadly, the extent of Diamond's toy decisions are usually something like "How can we get Kotabukiya to give us a great price on these Slutty Sakura statues?" By this point, I was already pretty much over the idea of working in the toy industry. I'd already been a brand manager, albeit in the comic world, and I was really just tired of the sense of entitlement. I didn't wanna shift over to DST, 'cause a lot of those guys were asshats. Don't get me wrong - like anything, there were some cool folks, but there were also quite a few douchebags. So, there ended my toy dream. Or so I thought. The moment I cracked open Toyland: The High-Stakes Game of the Toy Industry, it all came rushing back to me. This might sound like hyperbole, but I feel this book should be required reading for anyone with an interest in the business side of toys. If you ever want to bitch about Mattel's distribution, or wondered why NECA picked up a particular license, or needed to know how toy marketing and development actually work, you MUST READ THIS BOOK.
Toyland, by Sydney Ladensohn Stern and Ted Schoenhaus, primarily follows the creation, development, and release of Tyco's Dino-Riders toyline. Along the way, however, they provide a great history of the industry - citing major players, as well as the stories behind all of the major toy companies. Published in 1991, many of the companies have since merged or folded, but that doesn't change any of the history. I got the book about 8 years ago at a used book store, but never really got into it as I didn't have a lot of attachment to the Dino-Riders line. To be honest, I didn't even remember it being successful. Now, I clearly see that I was wrong.
I don't want to give away all of the good parts, so I'll just give you a sample of what's inside:
-Sure, you knew about Toy Fair, but did you know about "pre-Toy Fair"?
-Toy companies, while always looking for the next hit, do better with "staples". In fact, a success could actually be detrimental, as they may be unable to keep up with demand - which is what drove Worlds of Wonder out of business following supply problems with Teddy Ruxpin and Lazer Tag. Hasbro's acquisition of Milton Bradley helped them stay afloat in lean years, as board games are staples.
-Mattel was considered the "University of Toyland", as many of its alums have gone on to lead other companies in the industry, bringing Mattel's systems, terminology, and practices along with them. Most other toy companies ran like family businesses, but Ruth and Elliot Handler built Mattel into the first professional toy operation. Then, they were ousted for fraudulent stock claims, and Mattel eventually became the model of how NOT to run a toy company. Still, it's nice to read about what it was like before it sucked.Due to its position in the industry at the time the book was written, much of the book serves as an "official history of Mattel".
-It's believed that Jem dolls ultimately failed because she was created in a different scale than Barbie. Had they been the same size, they could've shared clothes and accessories, despite coming from different companies.
-It's somewhat amazing to read about the conception of Dino-Riders, and then follow along as it evolves into a completely differrent animal. By no means was the end result what the creators had envisioned, but it was close enough that they could still be proud that their idea ended in a finished product - something few can say.
- Of course a big chunk of the book is about how toy companies felt sidelined when home computing and video game systems came on the scene in the early 80s.
-While the Teddy Bear was originally seen as a fad named for Theodore Roosevelt, it was expected to be replaced by Billy Possum, named for William Taft. Apparently, Taft had eaten roast possum on a trip to Atlanta, but there was no demand for the product.
-When Stanley Weston invented G.I.Joe for Hasbro, the normal inventor's fee was 5% of net wholesale revenue. Hasbro, however, cited high development costs and only offered Weston 0.5% . Weston countered with 3%, and Hasbro offered him 1% - prompting Weston to sue. In a private meeting before the 1964 Toy Fair, Hasbro asked Weston if they could just buy the concept from him outright, as they felt they were taking a gamble. Eventually, Weston agreed to sell for $100,000. Had he kept the original deal, he would've made $150,000 on the first year alone. Weston, however, wasn't too upset, and had this to say: "I've been married and divorced twice. If I'd had all that money I probably would've been divorced four times instead of two."
-Hasbro's problems surrounding Flubber deserve an entire book of their own. Long story short, a massive Flubber recall resulted in the supply being buried under Hasbro's parking lot, which has pushed the property about 2 inches higher than the rest of the site.
-My Little Pony was the result of market research where Hasbro asked little girls "What do you see when you go to bed and close your eyes?"
-In the great GoBots vs Transformers debate, Tonka's development team felt they were doing kids a favor by simplifying the transformations, while later research indicated that kids enjoyed the more complex transformations of the Transformers line.
-Toy companies seem to have more moles than a season of 24, which results in specs and samples being leaked to bootleggers and the competition. Most companies, however, take it as proof than they're onto something big if other are that interested in stealing the idea.
-Xavier Roberts, creator of the Cabbage Patch Kids, is an eccentric genius. He was an artist first and foremost, making him a terrible businessman.
-There's a goof chunk about the deregulation of the 80s, leading to the Program Length Commercial. It also into the deals that were cut between television stations and syndicators. For example, Lorimar syndicated Thundercats. If a station agreed to air the cartoon, they would get a percentage of LJN's Thundercats toy sales.
-There's a great comparison between the business practices of Toys "R" Us, Kay-Bee, and FAO Schwartz. Two of these companies don't exist any longer, and the remaining one doesn't look like it did then. Still, it's an interesting snapshot in time.
Anyway, I've teased enough. If you're interested in the business of the toy industry, I highly recommend Toyland: The High-Stakes Game of the Toy Industry. How do you get it? I dunno. Do I look like Barnes OR Noble? Maybe it's on bit torrent or Amazon or something. Geez, I can't do everything for you!
Baltimore Catches Cosplay Fever!
So, once the 2-part Baltimore Comic-Con epic ended (thanks again, Brian!), I found that I still had a bunch of pictures left from the show. Now I know there are folks out there who do better cosplay posts than I could, but I still thought I'd give it a shot.
Well, the theme song did tell us they were loose...
Ga-Blac-Tus HUNGERS...for Popeyes!
In the newly-launched Marvel Jr line, Kid Kap isn't sure he's up to the challenge of Reddy & Bones
In the J.J. Abrams-verse, even Dr. Crusher & Wesley have been rebooted!
She had a giant axe. I'm still not sure if she was supposed to be someone or if it was just self-defense...
It's nice to see the sistahs come out. Did I spell that right? We don't use "er", right? Anyway, She-Hulk was in an awesome JLA Vixen costume on Sunday, as she sat next to me at the Stan Lee panel.
Hey, Mike! Steve! Rob! Aren't those your moms over there?! Baby Doll looks like a young Meredith Baxter-Birney. If you read that in Chef's voice, my mission here is done.
I'd say this was "Optimus Prime", but I can just hear one of you saying, "Actually, that is the King Grandliner Robo" or some shit like that. Well, this is America. In America, we call ALL robot trucks "Optimus Prime"! Put down the Pokemon, and pick up a baseball. U! S! A!
The Odinson doth invite you to visit his band's MySpace page!
Watch out, Miles Morales! Here comes Kid Spidey! And he's white!
Great costumes, but I guess I was just expecting...more from the Smallville Reunion.
Somebody saaaaave meeeee!!!!!
Black Kick Ass! Somebody alert the New York Post!
This pic ain't fooling anybody. Dude on the right would be too busy banging chicks to be busting ghosts. Dude on the left? Totally a Ghostbuster.
Not true cosplay, but it ought to be!
This chick made me kinda salty. You see, she was already posing for someone else, and I just took the picture. She noticed me and said "You have to ask! It's rude if you don't ask!" Look, you were ALREADY posing! Costume wasn't that hot anyway.
Wait, why are we rooting for Thor?! And she looked like Kat Dennings! I would've bought every issue of Dark Reign if they'd drawn "Lokette" as Kat Dennings!
As aspiring America's Top Blerd, I'm required by the King Doctrine of 1962 to acknowledge Blenguin.
Guys, I don't know about this whole "New 52" thing...
Oh yeaaah…chicka chicka!
Based on this production still, Captain America is apparently an 80s teen comedy. I can only hope that dead Bucky will be portrayed by the ghost of Corey Haim.
- RT @MeisterShake: Seriously folks, WHY THE FUCK would I care about YOUR horoscope? Stop tweeting it.
- A midget!!! #SNL
- I love how that Bon Iver photo was like Find The Black Guy. Oh, there he is! Between Chad and Tyler!
- If y'all wanna make fun of Lana Del Ray, you can make fun of this dude's Eunuch Wails.
- This dude is just making noises - like the kind you make when you catch your balls in the zipper. I hope the internet takes notice!
- This Bon Iver song sounds like Johnny Hates Jazz. Not complaining. I just need bigger shoulder pads.
- That's why Harlem Nights is such a good movie - it passes the torch, but you'll never get that much black talent in the same movie again.
- When is Tyler Perry gonna get cracking on the black version of The Expendables?
- If I investigated rape cases, like on SVU, my first question to the vic (that's Cop Talk) would be "Did he look like Guy Fieri?"
- Ten seconds, gun to your head - who won The Voice last season?
From The Vault
- The Sing-Off: It Ain't Your Elitist Grandpa's A Cappella
- Retarded Chris Brown, Black Republicans, Van Wilder-less Van Wilder 2
- RIP Crocodile Hunter
- Joyce DeWitt Hair, The DCU, Craigslit?, and Jenna Von Oy's Ass
- John Byrne Thinks Sue Storm Is A Whore
Recent Comments
- Will on The Gang Goes Seinfeld All Over Their Asses
- Ponderiss on Who’s That Guy?
- Mary on Who’s That Guy?
- Howie on Who’s That Guy?
- Classick Material on Who’s That Guy?
- Dex on Who’s That Guy?
- Vincent on The Gang Goes Seinfeld All Over Their Asses
- Kelli on The Gang Goes Seinfeld All Over Their Asses
- Josh on Adventures West Coast #3: Scarface: Devil In Disguise
- Van on Thrift Justice – What You Leave Behind
- Classick Material on The Gang Goes Seinfeld All Over Their Asses
- arjit on My Life with the Power Rangers – Reader Response
- arjit on My Life with the Power Rangers – Reader Response
- Michael Johnson on 2011 In Review: #New52 Pick-Up
- PopCultureCube on Thrift Justice – What You Leave Behind