What can I say? I love TV, I love branding, and I love spinoffs. So, I figured it’d be a good idea to separate my normal thrift store hauls from my yard sale hauls, especially since there are usually some pretty good stories from those yard sales. That gives us Thrift Justice: Yard Sale Edition, or Thrift Justice: YSE for the hip kids. Think of this just like the normal Thrift Justice you’ve come to know and love, only with a dose of Ice-T and Mariska Hargitay thrown into the mix. I’m typically the guy who doesn’t enjoy the party until it’s almost over, so it’s only fitting for me to start this little feature just as the yard sale season begins to wind down. In any case, there are quite a few items I haven’t shown you, and I hope I can remember the stories behind them. So, shall we get on with the show?
What you see here is a nice little collection of G.I.Joe vehicles that I acquired last weekend. You Joe collectors will recognize the following:
-Cobra WOLF
-Badger
-Skystorm X-Wing Chopper
-Swampmasher
-Desert Fox 6WD
-Dreadnok Cycle
-Cobra Imp
-Action Force Missile Launcher
I tend to plan out my route on Friday nights (yes, some of us plan these things), and I noticed a listing just kinda snuck in the fact that there were be G.I.Joe vehicles. It was an odd blurb that read something like “Fine crystal, linens, G.I.Joe Vehicles, artwork”. Well, those are certainly strange bedfellows! The sale was slated to start at 7:30, so it went to the top of my list.
The next morning, I pulled up to her house and was somewhat shocked that nobody was there except an older lady who was having a conversation with the seller. I immediately thought that someone had beat me to the Joes! After all, the ads always say “No early birds!”, but that doesn’t mean someone didn’t swoop in just before I got there. I cautiously walked over to a large plastic storage unit, and my eyes filled with joy and wonder! There they were, in pretty nice condition given their age. The lady explained that they had belonged to her sons, but had just been sitting in the garage. She said they had kept their figures, but didn’t seem to want the vehicles anymore. So, their loss was my gain. We didn’t even have to haggle. 10 minutes later, I was driving off with a car full of 1987 treasures. Anyway, if you like anything you see, you should know how to find me by now…
One concept I’ve adopted over the course of my travels is the idea of of “thrift karma” – I tend to believe that something awesome is out there waiting for me, and when I do find it, I try not to be greedy. For instance, I hit paydirt at this first sale, so I should’ve called it quits and gone home with my wares. Instead, I ended up freestyling (I got that from American Pickers, thank you very much!) for another 4 hours, which just wasted gas and yielded nothing. Listen to Kenny Rogers, folks – know when to walk away!
Notes From The Road
(courtesy of vintagegameworld.com)
This is where I’ll share a few observations that I’ve made while racing from sale to sale. Over the weekend, I noticed that everyone is finally cashing in their Trivial Pursuit SNL Edition investments. Let’s take a trip back in time, to around 2006. Licensed versions of Trivial Pursuit were nothing new, but one of the most niche offerings was Trivial Pursuit SNL Edition. As KB Toys starting shutting down across the country, these games were some of the last items they had left, eventually marked down to around $7 or so in my area. Now, let’s fast forward to last weekend. A game I hadn’t seen in almost 10 years resurfaced at 3 separate yard sales, a few with the KB price tag scratched out on the box. That’s the danger of speculating – not everything’s gonna be a collector’s item, especially when your neighbor’s selling the same exact thing.
Anyway, I hope you liked the new series. Tune in next time, as I’ll share with you a few of my biggest yard sale failures!
I’ve got a great haul from the weekend to share with you, but I’m still writing that up. In the meantime, feast your eyes on some great stuff I’ve picked up recently. Let’s jump right in, shall we?
First up, we’ve got these tabloid-sized specials, know as History of Comics Vols 1 & 2. These were created by fan favorite comic artist Jim Steranko, and they used to be advertised as mail-away items in old comics from the 70s (I guess they were also sold in book stores, but I don’t really know much about the 70s books tore scene). Anyway, from what I’ve ben able to find out, the versions I got are known as Volume 1B and Volume 2B, since they don’t have the title written on the cover. What makes this buy even more special, however, is the fact that my copy of Volume 1 is signed and numbered by renowned Italian filmmaker, Frederico Fellini. You see, he wrote the foreword to the series, as he had been a big fan of Steranko. Now, do I have a certificate of authenticity? No, but I don’t really care. If I need to, I can just take it to Gold & Silver Pawn and have Frankenstein Randy Travis do some handwriting analysis on the signature.
IlovethePowerRangers. Now that we got that out of the way, I’ve been tracking down old morphers like it’s my job. I’m not even looking for them, but they keep popping up at thrift stores. I stopped buying most PR toys about 15 years ago (which was still too late in the minds of most people), but I used to really be into the Zords and morphers. Hands down, Power Rangers morphers were my favorite role playing toys. These used to retail anywhere from $10-15, but I’ve been finding these for roughly $1 each. Still operational and everything. To top it off, they’re models that came out after I stopped buying, so I’ve been able to restart my collections where I left off. What you see here, from left to right, is the Time Force Morpher, Ninja Storm Wind Morpher, some kinda bootleg Dino Thunder Morpher, and the Overdrive Tracker.
My love of Batman is pretty well-known. I thought I had stumbled upon something awesome with this lunch box, as the date on the decal is 1982. It certainly looked pre-Super Powers, which would place it before 1985. That said, the decal doesn’t jibe with the rest of the package. You see, the latch is incorrect. I stopped getting these lunch boxes in the very early 90s, at which point they were still using a metal latch. The latch on this one is completely plastic, placing it later in the decade. Still, aside from all that Pawn Stars babble you didn’t ask for, it was still a nice find for 99 cents!
This is Max Ray, from the 80s cartoon The Centurions. I’ve been on the lookout for these because, just like Radiohead albums, you never see them at yards sales and thrift stores. This figure was pretty incomplete, as he didn’t come with any of the accessories that fit into the holes situated all over his body. Despite all that, I’m still pretty happy to own this guy, as he always reminded me of Tony Stark.
I always told myself that if I ever won the lottery, I’d buy one of those replica wrestling belts that costs $300. I’d wear it to church, court, to the bathroom. Don’t care. Referred to as “The Strap” by the professionals, I’d always have it slung over my shoulder (no one ever wears it as an actual belt!). Well, I’ve yet to win the lottery, so I don’t have one of those belts. I never wanted to pay the $15 for the crappy kids version at retail, but I had no problem paying 99 cents for one! The belt that I chose was the Intercontinental Title, and I did so for a reason. You see, everybody wants to be The Champ. Everyone thinks they’re Triple H, or John Cena or The Rock. I’m honest with myself. If I joined the WWE tomorrow, I’d NEVER get a shot at the WWE Title. I could, however, get the Intercontinental belt. That was the belt you used to get for beating Goldust or The Mountie. That’s more my speed.
I hated leaving these guys behind, as I think I’m probably America’s biggest straight male boyband fan. That said, I didn’t want these at $10 apiece. I’m pretty sure they didn’t cost that much when they were originally offered by Best Buy (they were promo items), and ‘NSYNC merchandise isn’t really on the rise. So, I had to say bye bye bye to them. Yup, I just said that.
Thanks for tuning in, and come back on Thursday for a special Thrift Justice surprise!
This will come as a surprise to no one, but I used to want to work in the toy industry. Yeah, I did the whole 10 years at Toy “R” Us, but I also chose my college major in the hopes of landing a position at Kenner (hey, it was still around then!) or Mattel. My major was early childhood development, with a focus on play and interaction. Since there was no real “toy curriculum”, I figured knowledge of how children go about playing would point me in the right direction. I couldn’t have been more wrong. It turns out that toy companies want *designers*. Instead of trying to make educational toys that look pretty, toy companies attempt to make pretty toys that seem educational. Like with dating and job interviews, looks come first. I did, however, manage to snag an internship at a small specialty toy company in Chicago, called Manhattan Toy. Now, during my time at TRU, I’d learned that I didn’t really care about ALL toys – I just loved aisles 6D and 7D. So, when this small stuffed animal company came along, brash 19-year old me blew it off and jetted of to London. By the time I graduated, I started to realize my dream may not come true. Then came Diamond.
Many people may not realize this, but Diamond has a toy team. Sure, most of the focus is on comics, but they’re also the ones responsible for getting those overpriced toys and busts to your local comic shop. Sadly, the extent of Diamond’s toy decisions are usually something like “How can we get Kotabukiya to give us a great price on these Slutty Sakura statues?” By this point, I was already pretty much over the idea of working in the toy industry. I’d already been a brand manager, albeit in the comic world, and I was really just tired of the sense of entitlement. I didn’t wanna shift over to DST, ’cause a lot of those guys were asshats. Don’t get me wrong – like anything, there were some cool folks, but there were also quite a few douchebags. So, there ended my toy dream. Or so I thought. The moment I cracked open Toyland: The High-Stakes Game of the Toy Industry, it all came rushing back to me. This might sound like hyperbole, but I feel this book should be required reading for anyone with an interest in the business side of toys. If you ever want to bitch about Mattel’s distribution, or wondered why NECA picked up a particular license, or needed to know how toy marketing and development actually work, you MUST READ THIS BOOK.
Toyland, by Sydney Ladensohn Stern and Ted Schoenhaus, primarily follows the creation, development, and release of Tyco’s Dino-Riders toyline. Along the way, however, they provide a great history of the industry – citing major players, as well as the stories behind all of the major toy companies. Published in 1991, many of the companies have since merged or folded, but that doesn’t change any of the history. I got the book about 8 years ago at a used book store, but never really got into it as I didn’t have a lot of attachment to the Dino-Riders line. To be honest, I didn’t even remember it being successful. Now, I clearly see that I was wrong.
I don’t want to give away all of the good parts, so I’ll just give you a sample of what’s inside:
-Sure, you knew about Toy Fair, but did you know about “pre-Toy Fair”?
-Toy companies, while always looking for the next hit, do better with “staples”. In fact, a success could actually be detrimental, as they may be unable to keep up with demand – which is what drove Worlds of Wonder out of business following supply problems with Teddy Ruxpin and Lazer Tag. Hasbro’s acquisition of Milton Bradley helped them stay afloat in lean years, as board games are staples.
-Mattel was considered the “University of Toyland”, as many of its alums have gone on to lead other companies in the industry, bringing Mattel’s systems, terminology, and practices along with them. Most other toy companies ran like family businesses, but Ruth and Elliot Handler built Mattel into the first professional toy operation. Then, they were ousted for fraudulent stock claims, and Mattel eventually became the model of how NOT to run a toy company. Still, it’s nice to read about what it was like before it sucked.Due to its position in the industry at the time the book was written, much of the book serves as an “official history of Mattel”.
-It’s believed that Jem dolls ultimately failed because she was created in a different scale than Barbie. Had they been the same size, they could’ve shared clothes and accessories, despite coming from different companies.
-It’s somewhat amazing to read about the conception of Dino-Riders, and then follow along as it evolves into a completely differrent animal. By no means was the end result what the creators had envisioned, but it was close enough that they could still be proud that their idea ended in a finished product – something few can say.
- Of course a big chunk of the book is about how toy companies felt sidelined when home computing and video game systems came on the scene in the early 80s.
-While the Teddy Bear was originally seen as a fad named for Theodore Roosevelt, it was expected to be replaced by Billy Possum, named for William Taft. Apparently, Taft had eaten roast possum on a trip to Atlanta, but there was no demand for the product.
-When Stanley Weston invented G.I.Joe for Hasbro, the normal inventor’s fee was 5% of net wholesale revenue. Hasbro, however, cited high development costs and only offered Weston 0.5% . Weston countered with 3%, and Hasbro offered him 1% – prompting Weston to sue. In a private meeting before the 1964 Toy Fair, Hasbro asked Weston if they could just buy the concept from him outright, as they felt they were taking a gamble. Eventually, Weston agreed to sell for $100,000. Had he kept the original deal, he would’ve made $150,000 on the first year alone. Weston, however, wasn’t too upset, and had this to say: “I’ve been married and divorced twice. If I’d had all that money I probably would’ve been divorced four times instead of two.”
-Hasbro’s problems surrounding Flubber deserve an entire book of their own. Long story short, a massive Flubber recall resulted in the supply being buried under Hasbro’s parking lot, which has pushed the property about 2 inches higher than the rest of the site.
-My Little Pony was the result of market research where Hasbro asked little girls “What do you see when you go to bed and close your eyes?”
-In the great GoBots vs Transformers debate, Tonka’s development team felt they were doing kids a favor by simplifying the transformations, while later research indicated that kids enjoyed the more complex transformations of the Transformers line.
-Toy companies seem to have more moles than a season of 24, which results in specs and samples being leaked to bootleggers and the competition. Most companies, however, take it as proof than they’re onto something big if other are that interested in stealing the idea.
-Xavier Roberts, creator of the Cabbage Patch Kids, is an eccentric genius. He was an artist first and foremost, making him a terrible businessman.
-There’s a goof chunk about the deregulation of the 80s, leading to the Program Length Commercial. It also into the deals that were cut between television stations and syndicators. For example, Lorimar syndicated Thundercats. If a station agreed to air the cartoon, they would get a percentage of LJN’s Thundercats toy sales.
-There’s a great comparison between the business practices of Toys “R” Us, Kay-Bee, and FAO Schwartz. Two of these companies don’t exist any longer, and the remaining one doesn’t look like it did then. Still, it’s an interesting snapshot in time.
Anyway, I’ve teased enough. If you’re interested in the business of the toy industry, I highly recommend Toyland: The High-Stakes Game of the Toy Industry. How do you get it? I dunno. Do I look like Barnes OR Noble? Maybe it’s on bit torrent or Amazon or something. Geez, I can’t do everything for you!
So, once the 2-part Baltimore Comic-Con epic ended (thanks again, Brian!), I found that I still had a bunch of pictures left from the show. Now I know there are folks out there who do better cosplay posts than I could, but I still thought I’d give it a shot.
Well, the theme song did tell us they were loose…
Ga-Blac-Tus HUNGERS…for Popeyes!
In the newly-launched Marvel Jr line, Kid Kap isn’t sure he’s up to the challenge of Reddy & Bones
In the J.J. Abrams-verse, even Dr. Crusher & Wesley have been rebooted!
She had a giant axe. I’m still not sure if she was supposed to be someone or if it was just self-defense…
It’s nice to see the sistahs come out. Did I spell that right? We don’t use “er”, right? Anyway, She-Hulk was in an awesome JLA Vixen costume on Sunday, as she sat next to me at the Stan Lee panel.
Hey, Mike! Steve! Rob! Aren’t those your moms over there?! Baby Doll looks like a young Meredith Baxter-Birney. If you read that in Chef’s voice, my mission here is done.
I’d say this was “Optimus Prime”, but I can just hear one of you saying, “Actually, that is the King Grandliner Robo” or some shit like that. Well, this is America. In America, we call ALL robot trucks “Optimus Prime”! Put down the Pokemon, and pick up a baseball. U! S! A!
The Odinson doth invite you to visit his band’s MySpace page!
Watch out, Miles Morales! Here comes Kid Spidey! And he’s white!
Great costumes, but I guess I was just expecting…more from the Smallville Reunion.
Somebody saaaaave meeeee!!!!!
Black Kick Ass! Somebody alert the New York Post!
This pic ain’t fooling anybody. Dude on the right would be too busy banging chicks to be busting ghosts. Dude on the left? Totally a Ghostbuster.
Not true cosplay, but it ought to be!
This chick made me kinda salty. You see, she was already posing for someone else, and I just took the picture. She noticed me and said “You have to ask! It’s rude if you don’t ask!” Look, you were ALREADY posing! Costume wasn’t that hot anyway.
Wait, why are we rooting for Thor?! And she looked like Kat Dennings! I would’ve bought every issue of Dark Reign if they’d drawn “Lokette” as Kat Dennings!
As aspiring America’s Top Blerd, I’m required by the King Doctrine of 1962 to acknowledge Blenguin.
Guys, I don’t know about this whole “New 52″ thing…
Based on this production still, Captain America is apparently an 80s teen comedy. I can only hope that dead Bucky will be portrayed by the ghost of Corey Haim.
While I’ve been known to throw my opinion around where it’s not needed, I tend to stay away from Gaga. I can’t explain her. She’s the Apple Jacks of music – people can’t explain why they like her; they just do. She came along, and all of her weirdness has just been embraced and encouraged by the general populace. Her major label debut was the pretty-mediocre-for-a-pop-song “Just Dance”, but things got weirder from there. After “Paparazzi”, “Poker Face”, and “Bad Romance”, people began to realize that Gaga wasn’t just going to be some run of the mill pop starlet.
From a musical perspective, I can get down with the Lady. I’m just surprised that people eat up her idiosyncrasies when they would normally drive people away with a simple “That bitch is weird!” I’m not one of Gaga’s “Little Monsters”, so I don’t claim to know the motivations behind this and that. I was just sitting here, with little to do, and her new album, Born This Way, at my disposal. So, I figured I’d throw in my two cents, as far as what I took away from the listening experience. I was a bit surprised by the 80s direction she took with the album, but that just made me love it more. So, let’s see what’s inside:
1. Marry the Night: This was the first song released on Gagaville, so I have a bit more history with it (yes, I play Farmville; you can either laugh or shut up and add me as a neighbor). It was the first track I’d heard other than the polarizing “Born This Way” and the familiar “Judas”, and it made me realize Gaga had something different in mind for this album. From a melody standpoint, the bridge sounds like it was lifted from Lara Fabian’s underrated hit, “I Will Love Again”. So far, so good.
2. Born This Way: Since its debut back in February, everything’s pretty much already been said about this song. Yes, it’s basically an update of Madonna’s “Express Yourself”. What started as a gay anthem turned out to be so cloying that many of Gaga’s gay fans seemed to turn their backs on her for it. It isn’t, however, the “Madonniest” track on the album.
3. Government Hooker: People are gonna hate me for this, but this sounds like an edgy Aqua song. You know why I say that? It’s because of the weird Swedish (German?) dude saying shit in the background. It wasn’t as prevalent on their first album, but the second Aqua album was FULL of him trying to sound “deep” with his “I learned English by watching American television” accent. And what’s with the John F. Kennedy reference? I swear, where would pop culture be without Kennedy and World War II?
4. Judas: Hands down, one of my favorite tracks on the album. Why? Because it’s “Badder Romance”. RedOne took a page from Max Martin’s book and threw the same damn song in our faces with a new title (like you didn’t realize “Since U Been Gone” and “My Life Would Suck Without You” started with the same damn riff!). Go ahead, sing the “Bad Romance” chorus over this instrumental. I’ll wait. All the vamps are still there. I haven’t loved a pop song as much as “Bad Romance” since “Tearin Up My Heart”, so I have no problem with this clone.
5. Americano: This is gonna be one of Gaga’s best songs once she gets older and starts playing the cabaret circuit in the Village. I can just hear the spots where she’ll yell, “Barkeep, another Manhattan!”
6. Hair: As I mentioned on twitter, the electric piano riffs sound like they were lifted from a Solid HarmoniE song (Pearlman rest their souls). The subtle background sax sets us up for what’s to come a few songs down the tracklist with “The Edge of Glory”. Like that song, this one feels more like a P!nk track. I don’t feel anything particularly “gaga” is being brought to this song.
7. Scheibe: “What if La Bouche covered ‘Du Hast’?” Ain’t nothing wrong with that.
8. Bloody Mary: This, to me, feels like the closest ancestor of The Fame to be found on this album. I love that it has a haunting Hurts/later Duran Duran quality to it.
9. Black Jesus – Amen Fashion: This, to me, is the “Madonniest” track on the album. Starting off with “Jesus is the new Black”, for a little religious controversy, the verse follows the early 90s “bounce beat” model of the “Express Yourself” era. If ever there was a video screaming for a Leon cameo, this would be it.
10. Bad Kids: While the middle of the album hovers around the early 90s, this track seems to signal the shift back through time. This feels very 1989, and we just go back from there. Love the Robert Miles-esque loop in the bridge.
11. Fashion of His Love: LOVE this. We continue our trip back to the 80s, as this is the kind of song Tiffany (or Robin Sparkles) would be singing in the food court of the local mall. Not that mall – the other one, with the Gadzooks and the Long John Silvers.
12. Highway Unicorn (Road To Love): this is the kind of song I expect to hear when I think “Lady Gaga”. Plus, the title would make a kick ass Lisa Frank folder!
13. Heavy Metal Lover: as close to a filler track as you’re gonna get from Gaga. Again, it sounds like “Gaga”, but doesn’t really do much for me.
14. Electric Chapel: Nice 80s guitar shredding going on, taking us into Kylie-esque synths. Come to think of it, this would’ve probably sounded the same had they just given it to Kylie.
15. The Queen: Synth craziness! I’m putting on my legwarmers just so I can do the Maniac dance. This song is so 80s, it makes me want to buy an inflatable cactus and write love letters to Justine Bateman. Then, we slow it down. The contrast between beginning and end are so striking that it alomost feels like 2 songs were glued together.
16. You and I: This song sounds like A) something Jesse & The Rippers would sing, B) an early 90s jingle for Diet Coke, C) a theme song demo for A Different World or D) a rocked out interpretation of Anna Nalick’s “Breathe (2 AM)”.
17. The Edge of Glory: Again, this sounds like a P!nk song. Or a Kelly Clarkson song that had previously been rejected by P!nk. This song will be a money maker, though, as it seems like it was written just to be used during sports championships and reality show competitions. It’ll be the “Bad Day” of 2011. And that motherfucking sax solo! Clarence motherfucking Clemons! A lot of people said that it was jarring having it in the song, but there’s never a wrong time for a sweet sax solo (After a few listens, I think it would’ve worked with a Steve Winwood synth solo, too). Plus, how come nobody’s talking about the Reading Rainbow thing going on at the end of the sax solo? Anyway, it’s definitely a strong closing track that leaves you wanting more.
So, there ya have it. You may disagree, or you may say, “Damn, you’re a genius!” I’ll take whatever ya got. A lot of y’all won’t even have the album til Tuesday, so we can reconvene then. Until then, take care of yourselves…and each other.
Well, as I’m sure you all know now, America finally got him. You know…he’s got a ZZ Top beard? Yeah, him. Anyway, I’m not really going to get into all that, but I did want to join in the widespread patriotism that’s catching like Pokemon fever! I support the troops, and appreciate all that they do for us. I kinda wanted to share what America means to me. Of course, things hold different meanings for different folks, so you may not agree. I still wanted to express myself in some way. In any case, I thought about doing another 5-part thing, you know, like “America Week”, but I can’t keep up that schedule (What do you think this is? Postcultural?) So, I thought I would just put all of my feelings in one post, and let the videos do the talking. Fly your flag, let your bald eagle out of its cage, and join me in celebrating the good ol’ US of A!
Yes, I know you’ve come to rely on me as your pop culture lifeline, but there are gaps in even my education. I can’t watch/read/play everything, so I’ve missed a few things that might surprise you. For example, I’ve never seen Titanic. Yup, I’m that guy you’ve always heard about. Never seen it, nor do I have plans to change that. I’ve also never seen an episode of Lost. Sorry, but I felt that some dude in his mom’s basement had a better ending in mind than what the audience would get. From what I’ve heard from fans, I was probably right. I’ve also never seen Beetlejuice. This was rectified the other night.
Now, I know most of you have probably seen Beetlejuice, but maybe it was when you were younger. If you’ve seen it recently, how do you feel it has held up over time? Maybe I would’ve felt differently had I seen it when it came out, but these are the thoughts I had while watching the movie:
1) Why is it even called “Beetlejuice“? I mean, he’s not really in the movie as much as his billing would imply. If they release a Blu Ray anniversary edition, it should be called The Skinny Adventures of Dead Jack Donaghy.
2) My God is Beetlejuice annoying! Most of what he says/does shouldn’t even be considered “funny”. They say Tim Burton wanted Sammy Davis Jr for the role, but Keaton came highly recommended. As he ended up as Batman, this clearly didn’t kill Keaton’s career. I just feel like this thing would’ve had Jim Carrey written all over it had they gone into production a few years later.
3) Who felt that this movie would translate well as a cartoon, and are they legally allowed around children? I mean, Beetlejuice was going to force teenage Lydia into marrying him. According to some reports, the original script had him just raping her. Now, I’d never seen the movie, but I’ve seen a good 70% of the animated series. Sure, there were times when Lydia & Beetlejuice’s relationship seemed a bit..odd, but the movie puts it in a whole new light. It’s got a similar juxtaposition as The Real Ghostbusters: in the movies, Slimer’s an elusive pest, yet in the cartoon, he’s their pet/mascot. In the Beetlejuice cartoon, an otherworldy pervert becomes a rainy day pal to a bored goth girl.
4) Has anyone ever posited the idea of a “Beetlejuice Curse”? I mean, sure, it’s a stretch, but let’s look at the what happened to the cast: Jeffrey Jones became a sex offender; Winona Ryder “liked” the five finger discount on the facebook of life; Alec Baldwin got fat and has only recently been forgiven for straight kirking out on his daughter on an answering machine; Catherine O’Hara kept leaving her kid at home, yet never seemed to attract the attention of Child Protective Services; Glenn Shadix died after falling in his home; no one’s seen Geena Davis since 2005. If the Beetlejuice Curse isn’t a thing, it ought to be.
5) The effects were good. A lot of them felt almost wasted, but I like the whole claymationy/practical effects thing they had going on. In today’s world of blue screen, it’s nice to see how things used to be done.
6) No one in the movie is likable. I know I’m supposed to be rooting for Jack Donaghy and Commander-In-Chief, but they kinda suck at life. And at death. Why should I want them to save their house. This was an 80s movie, back when greed was “good”. Fuck them and their house. The Deetzes were a bunch of vapid yuppies, so fuck them, too. Does anyone ever root for the goth chick, except for other goths? Get over yourself and add some color to your wardrobe! So, Lydia’s out. And Beetlejuice is just an asshat. I think I was probably rooting for the sandworms.
7) Kenner had quite the toyline based on this movie, which now seems to be just as fucked up as the fact that they turned it into a cartoon. I remember a lot of those toys (thanks to old Kenner Action Toy Guides), so my favorite part of the movie was identifying all the scenes that had inspired the various action figures.
So, there you have it. If I just pissed in the Corn Flakes of your childhood, I apologize. I just don’t get this movie. I’m also not really a Tim Burton guy outside of the Batman movies, so maybe I’m just not cultured enough to get his work. Considering Beetlejuice came out during a year that saw the release of such classics as Die Hard, A Fish Called Wanda, and Emmanuelle 6, I’m kinda surprised it was as successful as it was. I just don’t know if those same fans would look as fondly upon it now as they did back then.
I’m not sure if this is obvious to some, but the “television experience” has changed a LOT in just a few short years. Once upon a time, people were concerned about airdates and antenna positioning, however, the prevalence of DVR and cable have pretty much done away with all of that. The aspect which has experienced the greatest change, however, is that of network branding. Currently, networks no longer really have a specific identity, instead choosing to let their shows speak for themselves. This can be confusing, though, as what does it say about a network when its most successful shows involve crime scene semen or anti-social nerd caricatures? This wasn’t always the case. There was a time, not that long ago, when networks not only promoted their programming, but also their identities. This was true from the biggest network affiliate to the smallest local syndicated outlet. For example, Channel 5 used to show the same reruns of Mr. Belvedere, Three’s Company, and Who’s The Boss?, but for the summer of ’92, they expected you to refer to it all as “Camp Teeheehaha”. Sure, you’d seen the shows before, but they were taking advantage of the American experience of going off to summer camp in an attempt to rebrand the shows. That’s some Don Draper shizz right there! Networks did little things like this to show that they supported their series; after all, they’d already paid for the syndication rights, so they might as well get their money’s worth. Nowadays, all we have are court shows. If you miss one, another will be on right after it. There’s no real need to promote, as there’s no real difference: sassy black woman judge, sassy white woman judge, sassy might-be-Latina judge, etc. The shows have changed, but so has the promotion of said shows. So, where am I going with this? Well, growing up, I used to think about which network I’d want to be on were I to have my own series. As I grew from boy to man, in what was (to me) a golden age of television, I noticed certain things about each network that made me want to park myself on their prime-time lineup. Let’s take a closer look, shall we?
ABC
This one is pretty much a no-brainer, as anyone who grew up in the 80s and 90s knows where I’m going with this. ABC had a bunch of shows which made them seem like The Touchy-Feely Network, whether it was the family drama of Life Goes On, or the generational experiences of Thirtysomething. Judith Light starred in the riveting TV movie of The Ryan White Story, and families loved gathering around to watch dads across America get hit in the crotch on America’s Funniest Home Videos. All of those shows, however, had NOTHING on the powerhouse known as TGIF.
I’m not going to go into the history and lineup of the TGIF block, ’cause most of y’all were there. Maybe it’s the comic fanboy in me, but what I loved most about TGIF was the shared universe. I guess I’m always looking for a sense of community, and I loved how the early series tended to be related to each other in some way: Mark Cooper (Hangin’ With Mr. Cooper) subbed for Michelle Tanner’s (Full House) class, while Harriet Winslow (Family Matters) was the elevator operator at Larry & Balki’s job (Perfect Strangers). Steve Urkel (Family Matters) did a science project with Mark Foster (Step By Step), while Dana Foster (Step By Step) gave love advice to Cory Matthews (Boy Meets World) at Sea World. With all of this crossover action, it was kinda fun trying to imagine where I might fit in. Maybe I’d be friends with Eddie Winslow, like Weasel and Waldo Geraldo Faldo. Or maybe Karen Foster would reject me before her character oddly disappeared to pursue a country music career. Or maybe I’d be the black friend that Cory and Shawn used to have when Minkus was still around. The possibilities were endless!
One of this biggest perks of a perch on the TGIF lineup was that you also got to host the Saturday Morning Preview special. These are relics of days gone by, but back when networks still had Saturday morning cartoons, they always kicked off the season with the Saturday Morning Preview one Friday night in September (Sure, NBC had one, too, but those were usually hosted by Cosby kids or those awkward kids from ALF or The Torkelsons). The TGIF ones were great, as everyone was (usually) still in character and they genuinely seemed excited about dreck like Hammerman and Little Rosie. Everything was awesome in TGIF Land! As an added bonus, once Disney bought ABC, every show was pretty much required to do a stint at Disney World, so free vacation!
CBS
Growing up, I can’t ever remember wanting to be on CBS. That’s not to say that I didn’t watch CBS shows. In fact, it was quite the opposite. Up until the dawn of the CSI Era, CBS got a bad rap as The Old Folks’ Network. Yes, they had programming like Murder, She Wrote and 60 Minutes, but I never saw it like that. If anything, I always felt that CBS shows had a sense of maturity that couldn’t be found on other networks. I grew up watching Murphy Brown and Designing Women - both shows that spoke more to my experience of being raised by strong, single women from the South. So, I never wanted to be on CBS, as I felt I was already there. Next!
NBC
While ABC was courting me with TGIF, NBC had another acronym waiting in the wings for my affection: TNBC. By far, the most successful NBC branding of that era was “Must-See TV”, but I couldn’t really relate to that. I enjoyed the shows, but they all took place in Manhattan, as the protagonists seemed to have these fantasy jobs that paid for their massive apartments. As much as I love New York, I wasn’t gonna be on “Must-See Thursday” unless I sold a joint to Theo Huxtable or got transferred to Hillman College. Then, along came TNBC as a world of possibility for young black guys. Sure, Lisa Turtle didn’t do much for The Cause, but California Dreams came along and showed me that I could be a drummer. And there was that black dude on The Guys Next Door - sure, no one remembers that show, but I remember he was there. Then, we got Saved By The Bell: The New Class, which always seemed to have a slot for a hip, dancing black guy that needed to be filled. And Hang Time - a show about basketball! C’mon! As a teenager growing up in the late 90s, nowhere felt like “home” as much as TNBC. Yes, I realize that those shows were basically created for girls, but I still kinda felt like those characters were my people.
The BIGGEST perk of being on NBC, however, is one of these:
I don’t know if it’s contractual or what, but if you’re on an NBC show, you are pretty much guaranteed to film one of these public service announcements. A lot of PSAs just come off kinda clunky, but The More You Know has gained a special place in the annals of pop culture. Most PSAs are lame, but I always saw these as some kind of badge of honor. I’ll take one of these over those Truth.com kids ANY day!
Fox
Oh, Fox! It’s amazing how an entertainment network can be so edgy, while its news wing is so conservative. Fox was founded on Married…with Children, so that has colored its identity. While ABC was the Touchy-Feely Network, Fox was on the complete other end of that spectrum. Besides the early reality fare like World’s Greatest Police Chases, there was a “Fox Show” model: the aforementioned Married…, Top of the Heap, even Herman’s Head. Generally, if you wanted to make middle America uncomfortable for about 6 episodes, and your show wouldn’t work anywhere else, then Fox was the place to be. Even to this day, I’m surprised by how much Fox Standards & Practices allows on the air – the entire Seth MacFarlane franchise is a good example of this.
I’ve admired Fox because they are willing to take chances. They still carry shows that you just wouldn’t see anywhere else, and they miss more than they hit. The beauty of the network, however, is that it lives by American Idol alone. The show airs 5 months of the year, but the ratings are high enough to make Fox the #1 Network for the entire season. Growing up, all they had was The Simpsons, but the attitude seemed to be the same as it is now. Sure, reality programming has evolved, and Fox has taken advantage of that, but it’s still the same old Fox. I’d want to be on Fox ’cause they’ll promote the Hell out of your show during NFL and MLB games, but you’re still gonna get cancelled after they move your show to Sundays at 7:00 PM.
UPN
Has there ever been a network with more of an identity crisis than UPN? It’s remembered as The Black Network, but that’s not entirely accurate. Sure, the network had a lot of horrible black shows, like Homeboys in Outer Space and The Secret Diary of Desmond Pfeiffer, but there was so much more to it than that. The oddest part of UPN was the it’s prelaunch reputation didn’t match what ended up on the screen. Here’s the pre-launch promo for the network:
As you see, it’s relying on the reputation of the shows that had been developed by Paramount in the past, yet doesn’t really go into detail as to what we should expect from the network. Were they just going to rerun all those shows they just mentioned? Should we be expecting new stuff? Classical music! Rock music! Then, the network launched, and we were introduced to DiResta, Marker and Platypus Man. When your network is bolstered by shows starring a Mad About You costar and Richard Greico, you’re in trouble. Yeah, there was Star Trek: Voyager, but it could also be said that UPN was the nail in the Trek coffin, as both of its offerings were reviled by fans. Early UPN was the television equivalent of the Dot Com Boom, as they really just threw around a lot of ideas to see if they’d stick. Richard Dean Anderson as a cowboy. A Love Boat reboot. A bunch of shows NBC had knocked off their schedule because they apparently weren’t “New York” enough. Through all of this, there was one spot where I could see myself.
Around the time the NBC’s TNBC block was at its peak, UPN started toying around with a similar concept for weekday afternoons. Comprised of reruns of Sweet Valley High and a new teen show called Breaker High, the network adopted the slogan “UPN is U’pn”, which was pronounced “oo-pin”. Sure, it made no sense, and to say it aloud sounds like something you’d hear in a commercial for Dunkaroos. Maybe they were implying that UPN was moving up? Maybe UPN was jumping? I don’t know, but where there are teen shows, I’ll be there. Anyway, Breaker High was about a bunch of kids who were in a semester-at-sea program. It had everything you’d come to expect from teen shows, but starred a charismatic Ryan Gosling and Tyler Labine. I loved the Hell out of that show, even though it didn’t even last an entire season. The U’pn block ran for about 3 months on a daily schedule until it just disappeared one day in November, as the timeslot was given back to the stations. Breaker High finished up its run on Sunday mornings, but the only time I ever saw anything worthwhile in that network was the 3-month U’pn Era.
The WB
OK, I already covered the fact that I’m drawn to things that give off a sense of community, and no network exemplified that as much as The WB. When it first launched, the network’s promos revolved around the image that all of the stars hung out on the Warner Bros backlot. Going to work seemed like it would be a ton of fun, as you’d see Nikki Cox on the elevator, and run into Tia and Tamara Mowry on the way to the set.
Plus, I was entering a point in my life where I really kinda wanted to be in a boyband. While girls my age were pining for heartthrobs, I wanted to be one, and nobody developed teen stars quite like The WB. The stars of those shows kept the teen magazine industry in business for the better part of a decade. If you were under the age of 20, and wanted to make it big, you either needed to fly to Orlando and audition for Lou Pearlman, or you needed to get yourself on a WB show.
Even though it’s a bit of a joke in some circles, The WB did more for pop culture over a decade than people realize. I explored this once before, and my feelings haven’t changed. For that reason, The WB is where I’d want my show to air. You can thank them for Buffy, even if you blame them for Katherine Heigl. To top things off, I think they had a really classy send-off video. A network hadn’t folded since the DuMont Network, so I had no frame of reference for these things. However, if you’ve got to go out, this is the way to do it:
I haven’t set foot in a comic shop in almost a month, and it’s a weird feeling. Basically, I found myself in a position where I was paying rent for 2 different places, and just couldn’t spare the money. That said, I don’t really feel like I’ve been missing anything. I was souring on all of the “events” that have come to dominate comics, and it seems the Big Two are busy gearing up for Fear Itself and Flashpoint. Over recent years, I’ve found that I’m growing tired of a lot of ongoing comics. Don’t get me wrong – I still prefer that format over trades and digital, but I find that there are a bunch of ongoings that are just…unnecessary. I understand that publishers are just trying to make money, but there are a lot of books that simply exist only to exist, which can be detrimental to characters and profits.
There are certain perennial books that aren’t going anywhere. Batman, Spider-Man, Superman, X-Men – they’ll always be published in some form or another. They are tent-pole franchises, as they keep the lights on, while adorning the Underoos of kids across the world. A couple of rungs down, you’ve got your Blade, Moon Knight, Azrael, etc. These are characters that tend to serve as decent utility players, but don’t have the depth to carry their own ongoing series. That lack of depth, however, doesn’t keep publishers from trying and trying and trying. As the cover prices of comics increase, publishers can’t afford to keep cranking out these D-list series with no real goal in mind, especially when these series tend to really just be backdoor affiliates to some current event running in other books. Let’s take a closer look at one example of this: Booster Gold.
I love the Booster Gold series, and have been buying it since it debuted following 52. For those not familiar, Booster Gold is a C-list Justice Leaguer who debuted in the 80s. He and Blue Beetle comprised “Team Blue & Gold”, providing the comic relief for the Justice League International. Leading into DC event Infinite Crisis, shit got real when Blue Beetle was murdered. In the subsequent 52 series, Booster gained a higher profile, as he actually became a true hero in the DC Universe. He wasn’t on the level of the Superman-Batman-Wonder Woman trinity, but he had enough clout that he was able to carry his own series for the first time since the late 80s. The book was great…in the beginning.
When Booster Gold launched, it was co-written by wunderkind Geoff Johns and former New Line exec Jeff Katz. That team handled the first year of the series, and it was later turned over to Booster’s creator, Dan Jurgens. Eventually, the book was handled by a bunch of guest writers until it was given to former Justice League writer, Keith Giffen. Through all of these creative changes, the character has still been able to grow and mature. At the same time, the book has also experienced several false endings – usually around the time a new team was about to take over. After the second one of these, it became apparent to me that the book could end and I really wouldn’t care. After all, these teams had provided a good bit of closure, and it almost seemed wrong to just pick up and go in another direction with things. It was also around this time that I realized that the whole Booster concept was being repurposed.
As I said in the beginning, Booster was always a bit of a joke. A hero from the future, Booster was actually a disgraced former football star who’d found himself as a janitor. Stealing a bunch of hero tech, he traveled back to our time to find fame and fortune. Along the way, he became a true hero, but that doesn’t really become realized until the events following the death of his best friend, Blue Beetle. When the post-52 series launched, it had an interesting hook: due to all of the timeline problems of the DC Universe, Booster would be the one to make sure that the timeline was protected from threats and anomalies. Due to the delicate nature of his work, he pretended to still be a bumbling glory hound so that no one would pick up on his mission. This was all a neat, new angle for a character that had been somewhat one-dimensional since his debut. Then, something happened: Booster became the lynchpin for a bunch of DC events that, while temporal in nature, diluted a lot of what had been built up in his solo book. First, he was dragged into the Vanishing Point miniseries, which was connected to The Return of Bruce Wayne, even though it finished weeks after that storyline had completed. Next, Booster was responsible for getting the Justice League International team back together in the bi-weekly Justice League: Generation Lost series. Next, he’ll be an integral part of the Flashpoint event. While a high profile character like Wolverine or Spider-Man can be pulled in different directions like this, Booster’s not strong enough to carry all of this. If DC wants him in all these minis, why not cancel his book?
They were finally on to something when Booster was given his new, “secret” mission, but now that’s all been put aside for these Universe-spanning minis. To really retain the shine on Booster, maybe they should just put him on a shelf until he’s needed. Maybe lose him in the time stream until the next Crisis. Listen: Don’t KILL him. Don’t make a big deal out of a death you know will be reversed in 5 years. Just “lose” him, to add suspense. After all, they could only pull him out when it’s a big deal, and his reappearance would tip off readers that something major was about to occur. Why continue to waste him in a monthly capacity when it’s clearly not what you seem to want to do with the character? I’ve come to believe that a book should be launched with a goal in mind, and Booster has reached his goal many times over. While there will always be threats to the timeline, pulling him into more and more meaningless crossovers isn’t going to raise his profile, but rather overexpose him. Booster Gold hasn’t been a stellar seller since that first year, and now it’s clear that they’re just going to publish it until the numbers drop below that magic number. Instead of just coasting along to that point, why not just take him off the board for a bit?
I think my mindset may have been affected by the fact that I’ve been reading more Vertigo books in recent years, and they tend to have concrete endings in store. As long as they aren’t killed by low sales, a Vertigo series tends to last between 60-70 issues, toward a specific ending. Over time, I’ve just come to believe that some stories should end. I don’t expect to see a final Batman or Superman story, unless it’s some sales gimmick/dream sequence/alternate reality tale. Other books, though, like Booster Gold, Red Robin, New Mutants, and Namor: The First Mutant can just end. They’re cashing in on their affiliation to successful franchises, while not adding any value. In many cases, they serve as the expansion ground for B-level crossovers that don’t really help the starring character/team in any way. They’ll simply be published, without any real master plan, until the sales drop below a certain number – at which point the events in those books will be either retconned or forgotten.
In many cases, the writing’s on the wall long before you see “FINAL ISSUE” in the Previews solicitation blurb (usually, a pretty good indicator is when Fabian Nicieza becomes the writer on a book). So, I’ve had to ask myself: “Do I really want to be on deathwatch for this book, or is it time that I did something better with my $3.99?” I tend to watch the sales figures every month to brace myself for what’s on the chopping block. Once that Vertigo book drops under 6,000 copies, they’re not even gonna make their money back on the trades, so that’s a wrap.
Sure, well-written comics can have low sales, but diluted brands and characters can also result in low sales. For example, the comic blogosphere claims that Thor: The Mighty Avenger was the greatest thing since internet porn, but nobody was buying it. In this case, it had nothing to do with quality, but rather the book got lost in a deluge of pre-movie Thor books that Marvel unleashed on the market. Figure out a plan for your character and stick with it. Less is more, movie release be damned. Publishers rarely match up releases to successfully capitalize on movie releases, and this is another example of how it’s a delicate science. You’re damned if you’re caught with your pants down (1st X-Men movie), you’re damned if you have too much product (Thor), and you’re damned if the studio keeps moving the release date of the movie (Whiteout).
At the end of the day, Marvel and DC are making their real money off of Batman & Robin and Avengers. The sales of these books allow them to take chances on things like Secret Warriors and Simon Dark, but is it really worth it when these books hit the stands with the taint of impermanence? When they cancel these books, they like to blame the readers, by saying that “the audience just wasn’t there”, but I find it hard to believe that the publishers ever really believed in a lot of these books. These things aren’t getting any cheaper, so why am I supposed to support a book when it seems clear that the publisher doesn’t even care about it? I mean, c’mon, Jim Calafiore? Instead of only focusing on the characters that sell Underoos, maybe they should put some of the new characters on some of those briefs. After all, licensing is the holy grail, but it’s said that readers don’t want new characters, so none of the new ones “graduate” to lunchboxes. Maybe, if they reversed the process and put a bunch of new characters on lunchboxes first, it would inspire people to want to learn more about those characters. Then again, who am I to say that? I’m just the fool who’s been spending his money on these things for the past 20 years. Well, I think I’m going to be a bit smarter about the ones that I buy from now on.
(courtesy of vintagegameworld.com)
