29th Jan2007

My Life, In Watches

by Will

“But we’ve just lost the beat.”

I’ve always had a thing for watches. Carrie Bradshaw has her Manolo’s, and I’ve got whatever Fossil/Casio/Timex catches my eye. Sure, we’re talking low price points here, but that’s how I roll.

Now, as far back as I can remember, I was into watches. When I was 2, Mommy bought me a Ronald McDonald watch. I had some sort of tantrum, and destroyed in the foyer of our house. When she questioned me about it, all I could say was, “Well, he was fat, anyway.” She vowed not to buy me a new watch, but I had a Michael Jackson watch soon afterwards.

After Daddy died, I had a Knight Rider watch. Man, did I love that watch. If I remember correctly, it didn’t even tell time. It was fake and plastic, but it had a picture of K.I.T.T. inside, and that’s all I needed.

Recently, I’ve come to notice that I get new watches to signify new phases in my life. For some miraculous reason, it becomes “new watch time” whenever there’s a sort of shift in the things in my life. Now, sometimes “new watch time” is signalled by a dead battery. Let me let you in on a little secret: I don’t change watch batteries. I just buy a new watch. So far, the batteries have lasted for years, and they tend to die at just the right time.

In middle school, I had my Radio Shack calculator watch. Yup, I was THAT kid. But I loved that watch, with its calendar function and “deet-deet” alarm. I was a geek, but I didn’t care. At that point, I didn’t much care what people thought of me because I knew I was kind of weird and I was fine with that. I was my own best friend and I had my imagination to keep me company.

In high school, I went through several different watches, mainly because none of them really held much meaning for me. I was trying to settle on watches as I tried to figure out who I was. Honestly, though, high school was NOT this time of angst that people make it out to be. In all truth, I expected it to be like ‘Saved by the Bell”, and was disappointed when it was NOT like that. Either way, I didn’t have the growing pains of not being asked to dances, or learning to drive. Life is like the lottery: you’ve gotta be in it to win it, and I decided to sit it out. My high school weekends involved me watching tapes of pre-recorded TNBC while talking on the phone to my friends while they were out living their lives.

In college, I had 2 watches that come to mind. When I first went to school, I had this really bootleg musical watch that Mommy really pushed on me at City Place. Now, I liked the watch and all, but it had a big G clef on the face, and little notes for each hour. I was emerging from a few years playing piano, and it was pre-a cappella. If anything, I was in my musical theatre phase. The watch, though it sounds kinda gay, was actually nice. The downside, though, was that I felt a musical watch should PLAY music. It didn’t have a little song, so I felt gypped. Anyway, I got the watch and wore the HELL out of it. By Christmas (maybe 6 months after buying it), the band had worn off (thanks City Place!).

I came home for Christmas, and Mommy bought me a Relic watch from JC Penney. “Relic” was basically a generic “Fossil”, but it was a beautiful watch. Oddly enough, it had a blueish-green face which matched the stone in my class ring. It was like my accessories had been destined to be together. It’s funny because we HATE Penney’s, but sometimes what you’re looking for is where you least expect it. Anyway, I wore that watch for the rest of Cornell and through graduation. In fact, I wore it up until about 6 months ago.

Now, a few people might know this, but 2004 was pretty rough for me. In a LOT of ways. Hell, you can go back and read the archives. Sometimes, I don’t know whether to laugh or cry. Anyway, I was working at H&M and it’s a freaky place. It’s not simply retail, but instead it’s this weird, neo-hippy, bohemian enclave that happens to sell clothes. I decided , “Hey, I’m gonna ride this opportunity til the wheels fall off”, so I started crafting “H&M Will”. Part of that involved a Fossil leather cuff watch. Now, I never would’ve looked twice at the thing 4 years ago, but at this point, I felt it would complete the ensemble. Several returns, fitting room shifts, and gay bars later, I realized that I didn’t really like that world so much. Plus, I felt it was a lesson that I shouldn’t have traded up watches “before it was time”.

Unfortunately, while lost in the world of leather, my pretty, blueish Relic died on me. It died on me when I needed it most. I was working in the illustrious commercial real estate industry as the world’s worst telemarketer. I didn’t know how I got there, nor did I know how to get out. Everything was changing around me, but I felt stuck. And my accessories didn’t match anymore. The high school ring had given way to the Cornell ring. For some reason, I decided that I didn’t like the traditional A.D White ring and designed my own, with black onyx. It had always clashed with the pretty watch, but it went quite well with the leather cuff. And that didn’t sit right with me. I always wanted to have class, be a little GQ, but now I felt very “gloryhole”. And it didn’t help that I didn’t know what I wanted to be or how to get there.

Finally, prayers were answered, and “it was time”. Not only did I gain my emancipation, but I also fell into my dream industry: comics. As a brand manager, I would have to be a figurehead at cons and whatnot, and there’s a certain emphasis on appearance. Suddenly, I knew it was time to do something about the leather cuff. I wasn’t really that person anymore, nor did I want to be. Right before my birthday, I was looking through a magazine, and I fell in love. Right there, I saw a attractive, black Fossil with a diamond at 12 o’clock. No, re-read what I wrote: It was an attractive, black fossil with a diamond at 12 o’clock. For all of you English majors out there, that’s what you call metatext, so I’m not going to ruin your analysis. I had to have it, and actually bought it for myself before buying most of the presents I needed to buy for my family; hey, I’m an only child!

The watchband was actually too large, and I needed to take a few links out for it to fit better. Yesterday, I finally got around to getting the links taken out. It was at that time that I realized I hadn’t really tried the watch on. Sure, I’d sampled it, but what can you tell from that? I was left with the feeling that it was more beautiful, more attractive on paper than on my wrist. Sure, I could grow into it. As Mr. Humphries would say, “It’ll ride up with wear”. Either way, as I sit here typing this, I look down at my attractive, black Fossil with the Diamond at the top, and I wonder if it’s really for me. Maybe it was meant to stay on paper. I hope I don’t come to regret my new watch/phase of life. Regrets…that’s a topic we’ll revisit tomorrow.

02nd Apr2006

University of Oregon Divisi: Best Female Collegiate A Cappella. In the WORLD.

by Will

“We are Divisi, pretending we’re Usher.”

OR

“Everytime I think I’m out…”

So, I just got back from what I will consider a great trip to Ithaca. Reunited with the men of Last Call, visited a REAL Wegmans, and dined with the lovely El. I also had the pleasure of watching possibly the best a cappella group I have ever seen. And get this: they were women! I was really trying to “grow out of a cappella”. Tell myself that those days were over and I should stop caring about bops and d’jims and ziggas. But now I’ve got the itch again.

I wish everyone could have the pleasure of seeing a performance by University of Oregon Divisi. Female a cappella gets a bad wrap for being boring and/or lacking performance. These ladies blow all of those stereotypes out of the water. I have been in this game for awhile, and I’m pretty familiar with what different groups are doing. Not only am I going to say that they are the best female group around, hands down, but they are quite possibly THE best group in the country. Men, women, and coed. You’ve got your ‘Bubs, and Off the Beat, and Everyday People, but a lot of them are living on borrowed time. They built a name for themselves awhile ago, and people still remember those past accomplishments. Hell, I still tell people about The Today Show, and that was 4 years ago. These ladies are totally making a name for themselves today, and it’s hard to believe that they’ve only been around since 2002.

Not only were they incredible performers, but they were cool as shit. Best. Guest.Group.Ever.

So, enough gushing from me because A) I would like to avoid the “So, why are you so obsessed with Divisi?” coming from the missus, and B) I would like to walk away without looking like too much of a stalker.

Anyway, check ‘em out for yourselves:

http://www.myspace.com/uodivisi

and

http://www.uodivisi.com

14th Nov2005

Not The Last Time I’ll Mention Ted McGinley…

by Will

“Goddess, NO!”

So, I’m starting to think of myself as the Ted McGinley of blogging. For the uninformed, Ted McGinley is an actor who is referred to as a “show killer”; every time he is added to the cast of a show, it ends up getting canceled. The main exception to this is “Married…with Children”, where he played Jefferson Darcy for about 9 years. Prior to that, he had a hand in killing “Happy Days” and “The Love Boat”. It’s not his fault, but people seem to think he’s cursed. The same goes for the lovely Rena Sofer and Carla Guigino.

Either way, whenever I comment on someone’s blog, I kill the thread. Sometimes, I kill the blog entirely. There’s a site out there called “Ithaca Has Gorges”. It was created by some people I know from Cornell, and I found them through a random, boring afternoon online. Anyway, while they hadn’t been online long, they’d prolific in a short span of time. I commented about how glad I was to find them online, and then nothing. Nothing which lasted for about 2 months. They finally posted again 2 weeks ago, but it still seems like they’re on life support.

This is only one example, but I have had this happen many times. And all I’m trying to do is cultivate e-friendships. Listen to me, I’m like Casper, the Friendly Ghost over here!

06th Oct2005

Runaway – Hong Tat Tong (feat Will West)

by Will

“It’s so hard, to say goodbye…”

So, without much fanfare, I announce my retirement from the recording game. Sure, this doesn’t mean retirement from music, per se, but it does signal the end of the recording. I wouldn’t close the door on the possibility of a comeback, but for now I believe I will focus on other projects. I will continue to tour the country, possibly at a karaoke bar near you, but the recordings will cease for the foreseeable future.

With that, I leave you with my final track. It’s actually more of a “Hong Tat Tong, featuring Will West” track, but it’s me, and it’s recorded. It’s a different sound than you’re used to from me. I tackle that R&B genre, with mixed results. I’m happy to have a new track, but when you hear this, you won’t miss me much. Trust me. So, fill your ipods with the old stuff, and remember to tell your grandkids about the days when you could easily download the latest Will West track off the i-net. Yup, this is that monumental. Anyway, snatch it while you can, ’cause I don’t know how long this site will be up:

http://box.net/public/t2/files/751820.html

06th Oct2005

Cornell’s Sorority System, Described Using Celebrities du Jour

by Will

“I’m not above putting out for cash!”

So, to show you just how bored I tend to get at work, the following is a little project I gave myself the other day. With the help of my good web friend, Wikipedia , I set out to take a trip down Cornell memory lane. While doing this, I began to think of the fun times, the party times. And sometimes these involved crashing some kind of Greek mixer. In fact, I remember a Sig Ep/Kappa Delta mixer where the guys spent most of the evening sneering and me and Lip from the staircase as we took over the party. You know it was a lame party if Lip and I were the main event, but that was what happened some cold nights in Ithaca.

Anyway, while looking back, I began to remember the distinct personalities of the houses. There are different frats (yeah, yeah, “You wouldn’t call your country…”) and sororities because they’re all into different things. Yes, kids, it’s the high school cafeteria all over again. So, instead of trying to describe these different social mindsets, I decided to use examples instead. Yup, I went through all of the sororities on Cornell’s campus, and then found an actual celebrity alumnae from those specific houses, some Cornell alums, some alums of other schools, that best illustrate the general “theme” of the house. By “theme”, I’m basing it upon looks and personality. You may find some of these to be harsh. You may find some to be spot on. But all I can promise is that this is one guy’s Cornell-centric opinion, and these are all true alums of the houses. And if you don’t know a particular name, don’t be afraid to Google that mofo. So, away we go!

UPDATE: I simply love commentary too much to list names without explanation. Let’s see how much I can offend some people…

Delta Gamma – Ann Coulter
Bunch of blond, rich, White Republican girls. In my best James Lamb voice, “They wanted nothing to do with me.”

Chi Omega – Joyce DeWitt
Sure, in the South, “Chi Ho” is the shizzle, but not where I’m from. On the hill, this house is nothing but a breeding ground of “Janets” for the rest of the world’s “Chrissies”.

Pi Beta Phi – Jennifer Garner
Hottie hot-hot sporty spicers. You want a hot chick who could also take you down in a fight? This is your house. Buyer beware, some of them are “beautifully musculine”. Just sayin’…Anyway, I like to refer to this as The House of Tarek.

Kappa Delta – Ellen Dow
Sure, they all mean well, but…

Delta Delta Delta – Katie Couric
Cute, but deadly. Unassuming, but that’s just what they want you to think. Sleep with one eye open.

Kappa Alpha Theta – Jenna Von Oy
Ahh…Theta. Now, this was a house of those “rough around the edges” chicks where you have to ask, “Are you SURE you wanna be in a sorority?”

Alpha Phi- Kimberly Williams
She’s got the look. Nanananana, nanananananana, nanananana!!!! In all seriousness, this was the best house of groupies EVER. I mean, these girls ate, slept, and breathed a cappella. Sure, it was a Hangover house, but that seemed to change over time…

Kappa Kappa Gamma – Sophia Bush
Every girl in Kappa looks like this girl. And they all work for Morgan Stanley. They will stab you in the back if there’s an internship in it for them. Sounds like some kind of “One Tree Hill” plotline. In fact, I can’t look at any of them anymore without Gavin DeGraw popping into my head…

Alpha Chi Omega – Dawn Wells
The girl who used to be cute and sweet during orientation who’s now cute and a bitch. Wow, it’s amazing how Rush can change a person. Plus, y’all know that Ginger was the movie star, but Mary Ann HAD to have a chip on her shoulder!

Sigma Delta Tau – Joan Rivers
A bunch of loud Jewish girls. Yeah, I said it. And I loved how all their sweaters and crap said “EAT”.

Alpha Omicron Pi – Courtney Kupets
A bunch of girls with NOTHING in common who really just wanted to tell their friends back home that they were in a sorority. Honestly, you couldn’t find a larger, more motley group. These girls had NO business being together, as they were all gymnasts or ecologists looking for something to do over breaks…

Wow, this post came off really bitter, like they all rejected me or something. Nothing could be further from the truth. In all honesty, the Greek thing wasn’t really my scene. We did the parties when we had jack nothing else to do. But these were my observations from our “away team” missions. Anyway, it’s not like anybody from these houses is even gonna see this post…

22nd Sep2005

The Lost Adventures: The Lion King Audition

by Will


“I’m me again, baby! I’m back!”

So, where have I been? “We’ve been waiting a whole month for Post #450,” you say. Well, I had it all plannned out. If comics have taught me anything, it’s that round numbers, such as 450, equate a special occasion. Sure, you could say that I should’ve reached #450 over a year ago if I’d been posting everyday like other good bloggers, but I digress. In any regard, an event like this usually involves a new headquarters, a new status quo, a back-up story, and a death. I was really gonna WOW ya, but something was missing. Most of the components were in place, save one. It’s funny how life works sometimes…

Originally, I was going to use this post to debut the reason behind my recent lack of funds. That’s right, you were going to see the new West Lair! I got an apartment. Finally, I can get out of this Negroid Golden Girls lifestyle I’ve had to endure for the past 2 years. At last, I would have a place of my own, where I could hide from the discussions of Ben-Gay and Old Testament God vs. New Testament God. I would have my Fortress of Solitude.

Anyway, I signed the lease back on September 1st, and I was gonna move in Labor Day weekend. My Cousin Joe was gonna help me, mainly ’cause he had a pickup truck. Now, few of you have been to a West family function, but those of you who have (Tarek), have surely met my Cousin Joe. He’s basically like a brother to my mom (first person with the Southern incest jokes gets it!), and he’s one of the few father figures I’ve had in my life.

So, Cousin Joe was all set to help me move, but come Saturday morning, I wasn’t prepared. I hadn’t packed up a thing, and I had no desire to rush crap into a box. So, I called Joe to tell him not to worry about me; we’d do it next weekend. He wasn’t there, so his wife, Rose, said she’d give him the message.

Fast-forward to about 3 hrs later: we get a call from Rose saying that Joe had been rushed to Washington Hospital Center. The Golden Girls jump into action, and we make our way down to the hospital. Turns out, Cousin Joe was washing his truck and had a massive heart attack. We were in that hospital all night, from 5 PM Saturday to 11 AM Sunday morning. The staff tried to brace us for the worst, but nobody wanted to hear it. Cousin Joe passed away Sunday morning. I still haven’t moved.

Since then, time has been wrapped up with funeral arrangements, as well as life’s other little dramas. The family hasn’t been taking it so well, and I can only think, “So, it begins.” You see, Joe was a year younger than my mother. I always felt that when the dying started, it would be like a domino effect. These people have been together all of their lives. They grew up together, moved north from Alabama together, and they don’t know how yo be apart. I fear it’s like when a husband dies, and his wife dies 6 months later. It’s a cohort effect, and Joe fired the opening salvo. Selfish, I know, but all I find I can be lately is selfish. I guess it’s my defense mechanism. I keep thinking how close I was to witnessing the heart attack. Had I not called, he might have had the heart attack WITH me, while moving MY crap. I don’t know if I could’ve handled that. No hyperbole there, I truly don’t think I could have held it together had that scenario transpired.

But here I am. I’m still alive, and I guess I’ve got that’s what I’ve got to work with. A lot of people think I’m a pessimist, but I feel it just comes with living with the old folks. Many of you don’t realize it, but I have to worry about things that most people dont even think about until their 40′s. And now I’m more worried about the gals than I have been before. But there’s my milestone post. There’s my death. This is no publicity stunt. He’s not coming back.

Anydangways, I also wanted to give y’all a nice back-up story, A hidden tale that few people know. You see, about a year and a half ago, I took a little blogging hiatus. Prompted by a bunch of personal drama that simply hit the fan, there are about 3 months of my life that went undocumented. One such event, I’ve hinted at, but never fully revealed. You see, right before I started working for H&M, I had delusions of actually continuing the whole singing thing, and I auditioned for the National tour of “The Lion King”.

In my unemployed days, I used to troll the classifieds in the Arts section of the Post, looking for auditions. Since I was still in my “I’m Will West” mindset, most of the community theatre productions were beneath me. I mean, I was THE Black voice of Cornell A Cappella! Cornell! A Cappella! “Today Show”! Surely, that meant something. I would have to wait, until a role came along befitting my stature. One day, I saw it: The Lion King. I mean, besides “Porgy and Bess” or “A Raisin in the Sun”, it’s probably the most sure thing in theatre if you’re Black. And if they aren’t doing colorblind casting!

Since I was days from starting H&M, I figured it was God’s way of saving me from the sad, dreary life of the proletariat. He would deliver me to the stage, to the spotlight that was destined to be mine. I was sure of it. All I needed was the right song. Immediately, I called up my old drama teacher, and we started to brainstorm. She wanted me to do something from when I was Pippin, but that wasn’t enough. She suggested a song from when I was in Hello, Dolly, but I was having none of it. I felt I needed a Disney song, but nothing actually from the Lion King. After all, it’s kinda dick/facetious to go into an audition with an air of “You know that song you guys sing? Well, I sing it better!” Anybody out there who’s sat through people auditioning for them knows exactly what I’m talking about. Finally, I settled on “A Whole New World”. It had been our graduation song (*gag*), but “Aladdin” is the next best thing to “The Lion King”, at least musically. I’d be showing them that I can sing “the Disney way”, without slaughtering one of their signature numbers.

I practiced for a week. I had it down. But the night before the audition, I decided to showboat a little. I realized my sheet music wasn’t in the right key for me, so in order to use it as accompaniment, I’d need to transpose it. Now, we’re gonna get musically technical, so try to bear with me. I downloaded a program, and moved the song to a range that I could sing, both comfortably and well. But when I was done, the song had about 8 accidentals. You know those little “flat” symbols? Yeah, I had 8 of them. But whatever, it’s Disney. They should be able to follow that, right?

When Last Call did the Today Show, it was really hard warming up vocally that early in the morning, so I decided not to sleep. After all, I could sleep after the audition. I spent all night practicing and warming up. Auditions were taking place at Howard University, so I was scared there was gonna be a LOT of competition. I mean, casting the Lion King at Howard is like finding Bush supporters at the 700 Club. I expected PANDEMONIUM, with a hip-hop soundtrack. I figured there would be lines around 12 city blocks, as we all vied for a chance to have our 15 minutes of fame. So, got down there at about 5:30 AM. Auditions started at 10:00. What did I find? Nothing. A whole lotta nothing. Plus, it was February and FREEZING. Plus, security doesn’t like random Black guys hanging around buildings. Even at a Black school! Go figure…

Around 11:00, the Hippie Chick shows up. You know the type. If you’ve ever been in a show, you’ve met her. She’s the girl who’s all about “The the-ah-tur”. You never know when she’s acting and when she’s living. It all blends together in a fake, blah soup. So, apparently, she’s all nervous, ’cause all she does it dinner theatre and she doesn’t know what to expect. Plus, she’s scared of her chances, seeing how it’s a Black show. Man, that was priceless. She was scared that she might face discrimination. I’m not gonna get preachy, ’cause it’s not what I do, but that schadenfraude was just what I needed at the time. Guess I should’ve known what was coming to me.

Soon, other people start to trickle in. You’ve got typical “stage dad” going, “My boy can sing. Watch my boy sing. Do that thing you do, boy!” You’ve got “classically trained Black chick”, who should be doing arias rather than hakuna matata’s. And you’ve got “sad R&B wannabe brother” who really just wishes he’d been in Soul for Real (whatever happened to those fugly Dalrymple boys?). You know the kind: all he can do is wail, but rather than music, what he emits sounds more like what I’d cry if I got my penis caught in my zipper.

And they’re all looking at me, like “Why’d you bring the White girl?” But I DIDN’T! Hippie chick came on her own. Just ’cause we were the first ones there didn’t mean she’s MY fault. Story of my life…

So, they start lining people up, and you’d have thought there were ribs up for grabs or something. Somehow, I actually get to go first, seeing as how some people had vouched for the fact that I’d been the first person there. So, finally, it was the moment of truth.

I walk into the room, and hand my music to the guy at the piano. I warn him about the accidentals, but he doesn’t seem worried. But here’s where I started to worry. He had just sat down as I walked into the room. They were running late, and he’d never even warmed up at the piano. Now, an expert should be able to play on any piano, but it’s still a good idea to get a feel for your instrument prior to performance. So, he starts banging out my music like a retarded kid trying to smash ants. I mean, he wasn’t even near my scale. But I’m just singing away, in MY key, him in another. I tried to give him some death glares, hoping he’d straighten up, but this only mademe look worse. When he was done, I knew I was done. Then, began the Q&A part of our morning.

“So…’William’, what have you done…musically?”

“Well, not much lately. I did a cappella and glee club in colege, but not much since I graduated. Mainly just karaoke hereand there. I’ve been in touch with my old music teacher, and we were going to work on some things.”

“Yeah…well, it might be a good idea to hook up with your ‘music teacher’. You know, to add a little more…technical ability to your…’natural gifts’.

That last line was the one that did it. It was a harsh, modernized, personalized “Don’t call us, we’ll call you.”

“Well, thank you for the opportunity. *fake smile* It was a really great experience.” And I walked out.

I kinda lingered for awhile, trying to understand what had just happened. I was NOT the best thing since sliced bread. I was NOT as great as I had made myself believe. And I WOULD be reporting to H&M on Monday. But hear me out, it was NOT my fault. Yes, my ego was out of whack, and I was in a bigger pond, but that was NOT my fault. I am my own worst critic, and I RARELY give myself credit. Heck, I never even thought of myself as “Will West”; that’s a caricature that other people had forced on me after concerts and whatnot. But I was ready, as ready as I could ever be, and I sounded GREAT! I wanted it, and I could taste it within my grasp. How it slipped away, I don’t know. Well, I DO know. It was the guy at the piano. But I guess what I will always wonder is “why”. Well, I guess everything happens for a reason, and I don’t have many complaints about the past year. In any regard, I saw the show about 3 weeks ago. It was good. A lot different than the cartoon. But it was nothing to write home about. Just something to blog about, apparently…

Here’s that variant cover. If youve been to James’s site, Jeen’s site, or the site of James’s e-mistress (Oh no he di’nt!), this’ll look familiar. Everybody on the avatar wagon!

avt_wilberforceclayborne_large-797888

10th Aug2005

Stuck: Taking Stock Of Life

by Will

I’m so lost, and I don’t get to show this side of myself often. Most people think of me as the nice, corny guy, but I’ve got the same worries and fears as everyone else. It’s not all shits and giggles for me, but everyone thinks my toys and comics must make me this happy Willy-Wonka-esque character. In all honesty, I’m probably the most neurotic person you’ll meet.

Lately, I’ve been struck by how thin the line is between “pensive” and “lazy”, at least to the observer. My mind runs a mile a minute, wondering and fearing. “Am I making the right choice here?” or “Where will this action take me?” or the ultimate “What was I put on this Earth to do?” But there are SO MANY options! It’s bewildering.

I’ve often said that I wish we lived in the ’50s. Now, that may be an odd statement coming from a Black man, but the Mythical ’50s were such a simpler time. You didn’t go to school to necessarily major in anything. I mean, you’d get your degree, but then you’d get you cookie cutter job that afforded you the 2.5 kids and the house in the suburbs. Sure, there were scientists and the like, but Average Joe had his nondescript job, that he performed every day for about 35 years.

Now, we’ve got SO many choices. Do we choose a field in our major, or our minor? How will our GPA, from 3 years ago, affect this decision? Do we go for the unpredictable private sector, or go for the security of the Federal government? Do we save for a house or a ring? Do I want to start saving for a retirement I’ll probably never see due to my level of stress and freak-outosity, or do I stop hiding from my Federal student loans and actually start paying them back?

I AM thinking and planning, and just because I haven’t settled on anything doesn’t mean that the journey isn’t ongoing. But so many people want to stop me and ask, “What are you doing? What’s your plan?” I’m sorry, but every man in his own time! It’s like there’s a Universal Schedule, and I didn’t get the memo. Once everyone else gets their stuff figured out, then they start worrying about Will. Will wasn’t worrying you when you were distressed. I’m glad you’re going to law school. I’m glad you’re moving to your dream job halfway across the world. Sadly, the timing is not right for me yet. It’s not out of fear. Nor for lack of trying. I am planning, and I’ll let you know when I get there.

So, I’m sorry if I seem flaky or wishy-washy. I’m 23! The same people who like to say, “You’ve got time” are the same ones who forget and ask, “So, what now?” No, I haven’t made up my mind yet because nothing has struck me. I hate to sound all jaded, “looking for inspiration”, but I’m different. I was never the kid who said, “I wanna be a lawyer when i grow up.” Sure, I said that for about a week, but I knew even then that there were many (some might say TOO MANY) options in life. And I’m trying to find my way.

I could go to grad school right now. But I am not passionate enough about any field to make it a worthwhile investment. To go to school right now would just be me postponing the real world, and I realize this. I MISS school. I do. But I also have about $30,000 in loan debt, and I’m not exactly sitting on the goldmine to pay that back anytime soon. Why, oh why, would I go back to school to add to that, possibly in an industry that doesn’t exactly ensure I will be comfortable enough to pay off said debt. Yes, if someone is passionate about something, then they’ll find a way. I can honestly say that i’m not that passionate about it. I’m sorry if that sounds like a cop-out, but I feel it’s me knowing my limits. Yeah, it sucks that I make money so important to the equation, but it is.

I worry more about money with my “real job” than I did at H&M, and I really don’t make much more. I made great money for retail, but average money for “real world”. I’m not struggling, per se. I pay all my bills. But there’s no cushion. I have no comfort zone for a rainy day. Simply living paycheck to paycheck. Now, I realize that MANY people are in this same boat, and I’m nothing special, but I also like to think that they’re worried, too. Sure, they may have found corners to cut and methods for coping, but they’re not just sitting pretty knowing that they may be a couple of sick days away from homelessness. So, with the whole “paycheck from poordom” coupled with the “don’t feel like I’m living up to my potential”, I’ve got a lot on my mind. As I know many of my cohorts are going through the same.

And I HATE the whole “if money weren’t an option, what would be your dream job?” exercise. I’ve never had a “dream job”. My future plans were more personal. I wanted to be a good father and husband. As dumb as that may sound, that’s what was important to me. I really just wanted my cookie-cutter job that allowed me to have that life. I’m sorry if I don’t sound ambitious, but I was never the person who saw happiness as being dependent on a career. I’d like to have a job that I enjoy. Who wouldn’t? But I guess I never really wanted to have a job that consumed my life. Rather, I wanted a life that consumed my job.

So, the next time you see me goofing off, please allow me my fun and understand that it took a lot for me to get there. And if you see me frowning, just know that I really am a good, ambitious person underneath, just trying to sort some stuff out.

10th Aug2005

RARB Likes Me! They Really Like Me!

by Will

“I love Connect Four. If my entire family died and a stranger offered to play Connect Four with me for a full afternoon, I’d skip the funeral and blame it on car troubles.”

Well, RARB has put up the review of “Straight Up”, Last Call’s latest CD. I had NO part of this CD, so it’s not like it makes or breaks me, but they’re still my boys, so I care.

http://www.rarb.org/reviews/554.html#

The BEST line of the whole thing: “Straight Up provides the most heterosexually dubious track list I’ve ever seen from an all guys group.” Not only do I agree, but that about sums up my entire life…

Anyway, I NEVER thought I’d read LC compared, favorably, to Off the Beat and the ‘Bubs. Who’da thunk, right?

Well, it’s certainly an ambitious album, as most of the reviews will attest. It seems like they’re catching Hell for using the a cappella equivalent of Kanye West and The Neptunes to produce the thing. All they did was start doing what every other group with a wad of cash to blow did. But I guess people expected more of LC or something.

Anyway, the CD never really screamed “Last Call” to me, but I liked it. Plus, the girlfriend liked it and outside of a few UMD Faux Pas references, I think she may be embarassed by the whole a cappella thing, so I guess the CD’s got “convert potential”…

19th Jul2005

The One Where I Talk About Cornell’s Secret Societies

by Will

“MOM! MEATLOAF! NOW!”

Captain’s Log: Stardate 052019.7
So, I’ve been doing this dance since 2003, and I typically post anything I want. But it has finally happened. I’m having a Woodward moment. I’ve got a post I’d REALLY like to write, but I’m afraid. You see, I know I’d be biting off more than I can chew, and I don’t want to open that box (MMmm…mixed metaphor?). What, pray tell, am I afraid of? Secret societies.

That’s right. I want to write about collegiate secret socities. But I’ve learned that many of these are tied to more powerful, non-collegiate secret societies. What may start as an examination of Quill & Dagger, one of Cornell’s secret societies, would then lead to an examination of Skull & Bones, which would then lead to an examination of that fact that George W. appointed 2 Q&D and 11 Skull & Bones members during his first term. Then, I would have to address the fact that Skull & Bones is considered a branch of the Illuminati. I’m talking real Section 31 kinds of stuff. No, I can’t have that. That simply will not do.

I would, then, write about the fact that Quill & Dagger’s rival society, Sphinx Head, has been recently revived on campus after 30 yrs of dormancy. I might even discuss the fact that one person cannot accept membership in both. It’s actually quite the controversy when someone is “double-tapped”. I’d write about the fact that Sphinx Head is older, yet Q&D has more prestige. Then, I might even dangle the tidbit that Cornell’s oldest secret society is actually Chancery, which was started when law was still an undergraduate major. When the law school was established, Chancery disappeared. But recent rumors suggest that it has been resurrected.

I would discuss the fact that Sphinx Head take credit for both the pumpkin and disco ball being placed atop McGraw Tower, despite the fact that there is no proof. In fact, it seems that they’re taking credit simply to give themselves more clout on a campus that is in drooling awe of Quill & Dagger and its secret rituals.

I might even venture into that other Ivy school (you know, the one that sucks), and its secret societies. Bet you didn’t know that Skull & Bones had an island, did you? Well, they do. And both John Kerry & W were in the society. Wonder what kind of fun times they had…

But I’ve said too much already. I must go, for my life may be in danger. I may be blackballed for this. I suppose I won’t even get to write about my own Q&D experience. Yes, I DO have one. But that is for another day. If that other day is to come.

Wait!

Someone is at the door…

Never forget me and make sure my story is told….

*muffled sounds of struggle*

-End Transmission-

07th Jul2005

H&M: Series Finale

by Will

Previously on williambrucewest.com: Well, let’s see…I was being hounded by Eunice at work. Essentially, I had caught her doing some shady managerial work, and I reported it to corporate. Well, they sat on their thumbs, while Darkness proceeded to make my life a living Hell. First, she started writing me up for stuff that I hadn’t done, and then she tried to out my relationship with Shelly. In the meantime, Shelly transferred to another store, and I began to hate that H&M more and more. I vowed to leave, in many melodramatic posts seen here. And then…nothing. Until now. Brace yourself for the action-packed season finale. NEXT!

Today’s Episode: “Emancipation Chocolate Nation”

So, the other day, I was reading an article about season finales. Apparently, contrary to popular belief, writers have very little idea where a show is to end up when the season is over. In the beginning, they have a general idea of the arc that the character is to take, but in terms of “Will ___ die?”, they don’t have a clue. They figure this stuff out over the course of the season, and save the big decisions for the end. For example, (Davis stop reading) the writers of 24 originally planned to let the president die this season, but changed their minds at the end, fearing real-life political backlash. Coward move, I know…

So, why do I bring this up? Well, I had this whole post mapped out in my mind about 2 months ago, but over time, I’ve either forgotten it or don’t care. So, there’s not really gonna be an action. No real drama. If anything, this will be an informative post with the air of the “Whatever Happened To…” quips that air during the end credits of a movie(See “Fast Times at Ridgemont High”).

So, taking it all back to where we left off, I was at H&M and hating it and Eunice. One day, our store manager kinda tricked us, and we ended up having an intervention in the office. Nothing major, but I told Eunice that I didn’t like her and couldn’t work with her. Her ass tried to threaten me with litigation for suggesting she was a thief when she wasn’t. Yadda yadda.She kept talking, but all I heard or saw was ugly. Anyway, I knew the place was a house of cards, and I was just hoping to get out before it toppled.

In other H&M news, Shelly got fed up of being under appreciated and gave her notice on April Fools. I’ve never been more jealous of another human being. But in a good way, ’cause I love her and she deserved freedom. So, she got a job as a management recruiter in that magical young adult compound known as Bethesda. Meanwhile, I continued to unload trucks and deal with tax-exempt transactions. My partners in crime were dropping like flies. Bruce had given his notice, retracted it, and then just abandoned his job. Kevin had gotten fired. Jeanine, my most worthy adversary, simply waked out one day. Christina up and quit. Audrey hit the road. Soon, I was the only original cast member left, and I began to understand how Dustin Diamond must’ve felt when he returned to “Saved by the Bell”: I needed the money, but I knew I had no business being there any longer.

I got to the point where I was taking a sick day a week. Not because I had to, but becauseI could. I couldn’t deal with a 40 hr week at H&M. It just wasn’t in the cards anymore. I’d schedule interviews and call out sick every chance I got. Nobody really suspected anything ’cause I’d vowed I was leaving since the 2nd day i got the H&M job. So, by this point- one year later, I was the equivalent of Crazy Rambling Homeless Guy. Everyone was like, “Sure you’re leaving, Will. We believe you.”

Well, I showed those sons of bitches. I got a job. It took forever (OK, it could’ve been a LOT worse, actually), but I finally got what one might call “a real job”. I gave my notice, and H&M didn’t know what hit them. Guess they thought I was gonna take it up the ass a little longer. My last day at H&M was May 13th.

On May 23rd, I started my new job. So, what do I do? Well, I’m a research analyst for a commercial real estate firm. Which firm? Can’t tell ya, lest someone Googles it, and it leads to my site (trust me, it happened with H&M). I prepare sales comparables for appraisal purposes. Basically, when property sells, I call brokers, sellers, etc, to get info on the sale so that it can be applied to similar properties when they go on the market. Do I like my job? Heh…Well, I make a lot more than I did at H&M, so that’s a plus. Also, I work in Bethesda…right across the street from Shel. Yup, hilarity will ensue, 5 days a week!

Honestly, though? I’m bored. Out of my skull. I’ve been doing this for about a month, so I have a general idea of what the job entails. But I’m bored. Still dealing with the “not meeting my potential” aspect. Not sure if its the Cornell snobbery, the Will snobbery, or the cold hard truth, but I still feel like I’m sitting in “Idle”. For the past 3 days, I’ve read the entire 5 yr archive of “Penny Arcade” and caught up on the last yr of “PvP”. Yup, SO productive. But, hey, they’re paying me. And right now, the price for my boredom is quite affordable.

Whatever became of H&M? Well, Stephen got out and he’s now a store manager at Coldwater Creek. Ntumba & Brandy are still keeping hope alive at the store. And did I forget about anyone….Oh, right. Eunice.

Well, Eunice always had a problem with punctuality. Hey, I have my issues, but I wasn’t a manager. If I was late, the store could still open. The same couldn’t said for her. She had the keys. It had gotten to the point that, about once a month, I had to spearhead the unloading of the truck because we didn’t have a manager present. Why? Because her ass was asleep. This was part of what finally drove me out: I wasn’t being paid to be a manager. If they wanted me to perform those tasks, then we could renegotiate. Otherwise, that wasn’t in my job description.

So, fast forward (or rewind depending on how you look at it), I dropped into H&M to see how Brandy et al were doing. It turns out it was my lucky day. Why? Because Eunice had overslept that morning, and it was the straw that broke Sweden’s back. Jen, the store manager, fired her. You know what was even sweeter about the who thing? Eunice had already given her notice, so she was working of her final two weeks and STILL ended up getting fired. I’m sure she’ll tell future employers that she quit, but A) her ass isn’t rehireable and B) her ass finally got what was coming to it. I only wish I could’ve been there to savor it…

So, stay tuned for new adventures. H&M’s loss is the world’s gain. We’ve got a new workplace. A new status quo. A new neighborhood. But the same old Will. ‘Cause “where there’s a Will, there’s a way!”

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