Off To See The Wizard…
So, in an effort to sort out my junk room, I decided that I could probably start with my longbox of Wizard publications. I quickly tired of being reminded of Wetworks and Vampirella books, so I decided to focus on my issues of Toyfare instead. For those not really "in the know", Toyfare was a monthly magazine published by the fine folks who also gave the world Wizard: The Guide to Comics (which later rebranded itself as a "Men's Pop Culture Magazine", whatever that means). Anyway, Wizard used to highlight toys, but as the industry ramped up, there was too much to report than the meager 2 pages in Wizard allowed, so the toy focus was spun off into its own magazine. At its best, Toyfare gave an in-depth look at fan favorite toy lines. At its worst, it was a glorified toy catalog. To be honest, "glorified" doesn't even fit, as regular toy catalogs at least listed prices - something Toyfare couldn't be bothered to do in many cases. Anyway, while flipping through the pages, a few thoughts came to mind, and I figured I'd share them here.
-What happened to Palisades Toys? I was never a Muppets fan, but I could respect that they truly paid attention to detail in making those Muppets toys.
-Diamond Select should've been run out of business for those horrible Serenity figures. I've actually said this to DST staffers. They like to change the subject when that line is brought up. I'm no Serenity fan, but I know a slap in the face when I see it.
-Did Hasbro ever present a use for those Jedi Master points?
-Is bbi still around? I remember they used to make those awesomely detailed solider dolls. Sometimes they'd use a Hollywood likeness without ever really securing the rights. So, instead of a Saving Private Ryan doll, it'd be a "World War II Officer" with a Tom Hanks face or something.
-An issue from 2002 stated that we had a better shot of seeing a Thundercats revival before a true G.I. Joe renaissance. Huh.
-The book REALLY started to suck when they took a parody approach to the articles. It was cute for the April Fools issue, but for a good 3 years every article in the book was like a Robot Chicken skit. While Robot Chicken showed that approach could be funny, it just gets tired in print.
-I wonder how many of the toys previewed in Toyfare actually NEVER came to fruition. I know for a fact that King of the Hill Series 2 never came out. That was when everyone wanted to jump on the interactive soundchip playset bandwagon, but I guess Toycom realized they couldn't swing it.
-When they started posting the Complete Photo Guides to toy lines, that made the magazine worth the price of admission.
-Near the end, they were just reprinting the movie articles from Wizard, seeing as how comic movies also tended to have toylines.
-I never realized how many 80s Toy Quizzes they published. That magazine survived an extra 3 years just by jerking off fans to fantasies of a M.A.S.K. revival.
Culling the ranks of the Toyfare stash didn't take much time, so then I cam back around for the herculean task of weeding out the Wizards. After all, I had a complete run for about 10 years or so. Along the way, I noticed a few interesting things:
-Where is Christina Z these days? For those not in the know, she was the first woman to make Wizard's Top 10 Writers List, and she used to write Witchblade back when it was all T&A. That way, whenever someone criticized it for being a T&A book, Top Cow could protest, "No, it's written by a woman!" Her last publicized work was Jenna Jameson's Shadow Hunter. I bet that wasn't a T&A book at all...
-Paula Cole should sing "Where have all the CCGs gone?"
-I don't want anything to do with J. Scott Campbell until he finishes Wildsiderz.
-Brandon Jerwa started his career on G.I. Joe with a fan submission
-I had no idea Fox has been using the "Animation Domination" name for its Sunday block since 2005!
-Broken Promises: Bryan Singer's Ultimate X-Men arc
-Broken Promises: Jeff Loeb & J. Scott Campbell's Spidey title
-Broken Promises: When Bendis left The Pulse, he said it would continue with another writer. This didn't happen.
-Yay! Kubert's on Batman. Surely, he'll have a long run on this book!
-In '03, J.Scott Campbell went exclusive with DC. Can anyone name what came from that? Anyone? No, because NOTHING came from that contract.
-Why did they stop making DC Minimates?
-There was actually an article called "Treasured Chests", where they compared the cleavage of Talia Al Ghul, Power Girl, and some Wildstorm chick.
-Kia Asamiya. Yes, I get that everyone had Manga Fever, but WHO THE FUCK PUT HIM ON X-MEN?!!!
-Broken Promises: Loeb & Lee's promised post-Hush 6-issue arc on Batman.
-Before they diversified their brand with Pilot Season, Top Cow was pretty much just, "Hey, kids! Tits!"
-After Chaos went under, Lady Death went to the Code 6 imprint at Crossgen. Now, she's at Avatar, under the Boundless imprint. Lady Death: She Doesn't Just LOOK Like The Village Bicycle!
-There was an Olympic ad in the March 2002 issue. Like, a real brand, and not some e-store or superhero-inspired motorcycle jackets. The actual Olympics, with the athletes and shit. SO out of place.
-Chaos allowed fans to serve as associte editors on books. They spun it as "interaction", but it was really just cheap labor. They went under soon afterwards.
-Only in 2002 could Joe Mad make the Top 10 Most Influential Artists List. He ranked higher than Sienkiewicz!!!
-Broken Promises: Kevin Smith was supposed to take over Amazing Spider-Man, and JMS was to move over to a new book. Smith also said in interviews that he only agreed if they would allow him to reunite MJ and Peter.
-Broken Promises: Kevin Smith was also announced as the writer of a new iteration of Brave and the Bold just before signing an exclusive with Marvel.
-Based on the number of articles, Fathom "returned" about 12 times, but never actually finished.
-Top Cow has been streamlining its universe since 2001, with no end in sight. The first event, Universe, made Tomb Raider & Fathom part of TC canon...interesting, seeing as how both properties are no longer under the TC umbrella.
-Where is Devin Grayson? Did her career end at the same time as her relationship with Mark Waid?
-I think the best depiction of Rogue was the promo image to her Icons mini. She's strong and athletic - believably 19 (which is the age she's rumored to be), and not a busty, 30-something skunkhead.
-Alicia Witt would've been a MUCH better Mary Jane in the Spider-Man movies.
-Instead of rushing to reprint them, Bill Jemas put the Ultimate titles online, 12 pages at a time, to "reward the readers and retailers who jumped on the Ultimate bandwagon at the beginning, thus making those initial issues all the more valuable." - 2001
-In 2001, Poison Elves creator Drew Hayes signed an unprecedented 50 year deal with Sirius Entertainment. While this was clearly a publicity stunt, Drew would pass away in 2007.
-Casting Call: Geoff Johns cast Heath Ledger as Wally West and Owen Wilson as Trickster.
-Issue #110's letter column only featured mail sent by prisoners.
-They used to have a column called "oops..." where they made corrections to previous stories. This was phased out in later years, as the entire magazine became one giant collection of typos and mistakes.
-Broken Promises: Top Cow got the A-Team rights in 2000. Did nothing with them.
-Did America ever get Bandai's handheld system, the WonderSwan Color?
-They were REALLY pushing for Brendan Fraser to be Superman, as they cast him in 3 different Casting Call articles over the years.
-Casting Call: Tom Selleck as Tony Stark, Kevin Sorbo as Thor, and Howie Long as Cap. This would've been fine...in 1990. They also cast Howie Long as Duke in G.I. Joe. Wizard really liked Howie Long.
-The same character was named "Venus", "Sexbot", and finally "Aphrodite IX"
-Finally, back when DC did the whole Superman Red/Blue thing, a few high profile artists were asked to redesign Superman's iconic suit. One of those artists happened to be Jim Lee. Looks like he's been married to that high-collar design for quite some time...
So, what were your favorite Toyfare/Wizard memories?
Will’s World of Wonder – It’s Begins! #111111
I need more collector friends - In Real Life collector friends. It's not always easy being a collector. First off, non-collectors think you have a problem akin to an addiction. If that's not bad enough, other collectors become the competition. You find yourself not wanting to share your secret haunts, fearing that other collectors will milk them dry. Plainly put, the life of a collector can be a lonely, paranoid one. But it doesn't have to be.
For me, Twitter changed everything. Through Twitter, I've found collector friends. I've been able to compare war stories and let folks know which chains have the newest stuff. A lot of the time, we come across stuff someone's looking for, and we help each other out (I know that Suribot, Engineernerd, and MrSithy can attest to that!). It truly is a sense of community, and it makes The Hunt a little less lonely.
Ah, yes - The Hunt. I know there are folks who hate hunting for new toys, but I'm not one of those people. I've heard that it's a waste of time and gas. Like anything you love, you have to make time for it. And, honestly, I feel like driving to work is a bigger waste of gas than looking for toys. That's just the kind of guy I am. The Hunt is like a drug, and looking forward to it is the only thing that gets me through the day sometimes. That rush you get as you make your way to the action figure aisle. The sense of dread you feel as you round the corner and see a guy standing in the middle of the aisle. Is he in front of the DC Universe Classics or the Young Justice figures? Is he a "friendly"? What's in his cart?! AM I TOO LATE?!!! Just the thoughts that run through the mind of the collector.
For all of the excitement of The Hunt, I've found that I love the experience more than the reward. I've found myself buying figures for lines in which I only have a passing interest. That has led to a room filled with toys - both loose & unopened. The thing about The Hunt is that I've gotten damn good at it. I'm really not one to toot my own horn, but I've got a keen eye, and I come across amazing deals. If something catches my eye, I just can't leave it behind.
There's another reason I can't seem to leave toy runs empty handed. You see, there's been a lot of talk lately about collectors' "Holy Grails" - those seemingly unattainable items that would complete any collection. When I see certain items in stores, I can't bear the thought of a kid ending up with someone's Holy Grail. Don't get me wrong - I love kids AND I love toys, but I don't necessarily love them together. My time at TRU taught me that most toys are purchased by exhausted moms and clueless grandmas. As a result, kids don't always get what they want, nor do they appreciate those toys that they do get. They're rough on toys, and it keeps those toys from getting into the hands of those would do appreciate them. Now, sometimes that person is a 30 year old man, but who am I to question love? All I'm saying is that I don't think many kids want a figure of a hipster with a big staff, but I know a lot of collectors would like to have Modern Starman. So, sometimes I grab stuff in the hopes that I might one day cross paths with that collector, or maybe I already talk to him online (don't bother pointing out the holes in my logic; I'm already aware).
So, I'm sorry if it seems like I'm rambling. This whole thing is building to a point. These are the key things to take away from this:
1) I'm looking to strengthen the collector community
2) I'm constantly on The Hunt for new things, many of those trips ending in success
3) I need a way to offer these finds to those who might appreciate them
So, what did I do? I created a storefront. I'd like to introduce you to Will's World of Wonder.
WHY?
I've always kinda toyed with the idea of being something of a "toy broker". A few months back, my e-pal The Robot's Pajamas put is best when he tweeted: "It's seriously weird how I want to collect toys to sell now. I get a much bigger joy out of helping other collectors than owning things." He took the words out of my mouth. I mean, to me, it's really just enough coming into contact with certain items, but I know I wouldn't appreciate them as much as someone else out there might. As you've seen in my Thrift Justice pieces, I come across some pretty cool stuff, and I'd like an avenue to share those things with others.
I've had a lot of success with craigslist, but those are just local sales. I don't know what it is about it, but I just see Ebay as an old man's game these days. Now, I know there are a TON of storefront sites out there, so why did I want to enter that pool? Out of all of those sites, many of the ones I've encountered are just people trying to offload stuff they're tired of, but you're pretty much limited to that stock. Well, I want to take the small town approach to retailing. Sure, you could go to CVS, but you go to the local pharmacy for the service and because they know your face. If you've already been reading this site, you have a pretty good idea of who I am. As naive as it may sound, despite the distance, I think of many of you as friends. I don't screw over my friends. Also, The Hunt isn't going to stop. I'd just like to use my powers to help others. If you're into a certain thing, shoot me an email. If you're an expert on a certain genre, I'd love to have your input on things. If you don't really like a price that you see, let me know and we might be able to work something out. At the end of the day, I want you to think of this as your store. If nothing else, it helps me stay abreast of trends, but I really want to think of other collectors as sort of "brothers in arms" instead of toy aisle threats. And for those who hate The Hunt, let me do the legwork for ya!
WHY NOW?
Well, the timing was really organic. I've been working on this for the last three months or so, but it couldn't have come at a better time. I'm currently planning a wedding, and those things ain't cheap! Plus, I'm sure Lindsay would love for me to clear some stuff out of the apartment. As icing on the cake, it's also holiday time, so I can help you make a dent in your shopping list!
WHERE DO YOU GET YOUR STUFF?
That's a great question. Honestly, it's from various sources. A lot of the stuff is from The West Collection. That's what I call my "I bought this in the heat of the moment but I could really use that money for invitations about now" pile. Also, while I worked at Diamond, I received a LOT of stuff that I wasn't allowed to sell while still employed by the company. A lot of it comes from my travels thrifting, yard saling, and the like. I'm always on the lookout, and I love a good hunt. In any case, the majority of it is comprised of things that I just feel might be more appreciated in someone else's home.
So, that about covers the main points. I wanted to take a more active role in the collecting community, so I decided to create a storefront. I know it's kinda bare bones, and not as flashy as other sites, but it's the goods that are the focus. I'm launching with 75 items that I feel do a good job of covering the genres I'm familiar with. I'm new to this whole thing, so bear with me as I work out the kinks. If you have any questions or concerns, please don't hesitate to contact me. In the meantime, I hope you like what you see! Also, before I go, I'd like to thank Matt Guzy, Vincent Robot, and Brian at Cool and Collected, as I couldn't have done this without their help!
Adventures West Coast: How I Made It To Eighteen GN
Oh...where to start with this book? Normally, I use this column as an excuse to get snarky, but this is the rare occasion where I can actually "talk shop". You see, How I Made It To Eighteen is reminiscent of the kind of submissions that started coming in near the tail end of my time at Diamond. For those of you just tuning in, I used to be a brand manager for Diamond Comic Distributors - the largest comic book distributor in North America. Basically, my department decided which books ended up in comic shops. Well, let me rephrase that: my department decided which non-DC, Marvel, Image or Dark Horse comics ended up in shops; based on their contracts, those publishers can put out whatever the Hell they want. So, basically, I was assigned to what's known as "the small press". I worked with sizable publishers, like Fantagraphics, IDW Publishing and Oni Press, but I also worked with a lot of one-man shops. It wasn't a very "happy" job, as I was constantly crushing someone's dream. These people had wanted to create comics all their lives, and here I was telling them that they weren't good enough for widespread exposure. Who was I to judge them, ya know? It's just that over time, you start to see a pattern in what sells. A lot of the time, these comic hopefuls had great ideas, but just didn't have a good marketing plan worked out. They felt that just getting into the Previews catalog would be enough publicity, as it would get them in front of the eyes of the country's comic retailers. Sadly, a Previews blurb is NEVER enough. If they had just taken more time plotting their attack, they might've had a better shot on the stands. In other cases, the book just wasn't what we felt would move in the "direct market" comprised of comic shops. How I Made It To Eighteen would fall into the latter category.
How I Made It To Eighteen, by Tracy White, is a semi-autobiographical tale about "one girl's struggle with depression and addiction." I got that from the cover blurb. Before we tackle that, let's back up for a minute. Prior to reading this book, I had no frame of reference for the writer. According to Ms. White's included biography, she's been making webcomics since 1996. While that's an impressive length of time (this book was published in 2010), it could be argued that the audience for webcomics and that of published comics are two different animals. Not everyone can crank out a PvP or a Penny Arcade, so you often find that people follow webcomics because they're free, but wouldn't spend their hard-earned cash on a print collection of them.
One thing the book had going for it was the fact that it came from a book publisher and not a comic publisher. Roaring Book Press doesn't really have much of a track record in the comic industry, but as an imprint of Macmillan, it has some clout in the "real book" world. Had this been submitted by a first-time creator, who was storing inventory in her garage, it probably never would've made it into stores. Diamond's primary focus is on the +3500 comic specialty shops in the US, and this wouldn't have appealed to many of those accounts. A book like How I Made It To Eighteen isn't going to make waves in most comic shops, but it'll do alright in a Borders, which is what I think to myself every time I see a copy of it on the shelf as I'm looking for the latest volume of Jack of Fables.
Ignoring the subject matter of the book, the art is the main reason that How I Made It To Eighteen wouldn't appeal to your "typical comic shop". This is a little known secret, but we rarely read the books that were submitted. There were just too many of them. If the art was good, the book could sell. If it was bad, the book couldn't. However, in the rare case that the art was mediocre, that's when we'd read it so that we could see if the writing tipped the scales in the book's favor. Otherwise, you're left to sink or swim based on your art. After all, comics are a visual medium - if it doesn't look good, maybe it should be prose. To look at the art in this book, it's clear that it came from a webcomic background. It's rough and rushed - fine if you're trying to keep some sort of consistent online schedule, but nowhere near polished enough if you want people to pay. Then again, what is "art"? It's all subjective, so maybe it's not my cup of tea, but it may appeal to someone else. With that in mind, let's talk about the story itself.
How I Made It To Eighteen is somewhat based on the author's life, though events and names have been changed to protect other people. The main character, Stacy Black, is a recent high school graduate who has found herself at a crossroads. She doesn't want to go to college, but she doesn't exactly have a plan for her life. She's obsessed with her emotionally unavailable, yet controlling, boyfriend, and she has a strained relationship with her mother. Through a series of events, she finds herself checked into Golden Meadows Hospital, and the book follows her struggles with depression, addiction, and eating disorders. Now, let me say that I get the draw of this premise: on paper, this should be a great book to share with young women who might be going through similar circumstances. By no means do I wish to belittle Ms. White's experiences, and many young women might be able to relate to her struggle. It's for these same reasons, however, that I feel the book is a letdown. Considering the heft of the subject matter, it might be unrealistic to expect everything to be neatly wrapped up in a little bow by the end. That said, I did expect to get more out of the book than I got. The book doesn't indicate that it's a part of a series, but it feels incomplete - almost as if the entire story isn't presented here. If this had been a documentary, we would've just been forced to digest the information that was captured, and we'd have the understanding that the footage was edited the best it could be, given what was available. Here, however, the author is in control of the narrative, but it doesn't feel as if she realized it. The book travels at a somewhat slow pace, but it feels like the ending was thrown together in order to satisfy a deadline. Has the character of Stacy made any progress by this point? Yes, but the reader isn't given enough information from which to draw any conclusions. I guess the editor felt the same way, as the book ends with a tacked on epilogue page, which has as much substance as those movie end credits that flash a character and say "Bobby went off to 'Nam. He never came home."
This is the kind of book that comic snobs LOVE, as it shows you can do more with the comic medium than just feature capes and boobs. Well, you can use comics to tell autobiographical tales, but the successful ones are a lot better than this. The book has promise, but it doesn't stick the landing. I can forgive the art, as its minimal, rough look doesn't mar the narrative in any way. What I can't forgive is the fact that it just doesn't seem like it was mapped out before it was put on the page. As I said before, a lot of small press books fail because the creators don't seem to be thinking long-term. Ms White might be skilled in the webcomic format, but I'm not sold on her printed work.
Best of the West #1: Signed Amazing Spider-Man #583 Variant
Going through my posts, I realized that I never really spoke much about my time in comics. On top of that, I'm supposed to be this big collector of comics and toys, yet there aren't many posts that reflect my hobby. So, instead of being all snarky and digging up a bunch of dirt, I figured I'd try something new, by showcasing a few of the best items in my collections that most haven't seen. You might see some cool stuff, or it might result in me having my apartment broken into. In any case, I'll give a little rundown of its history, and voila, I've got a new regular column.
So, today's item is what you see here:
Yes, that's a first printing of the hard to find variant cover of Amazing Spider-Man #583. The first of the popular Obama Comic Cover gimmick, this book sold out quicker than hotels on prom night. Last I checked, I think it got up to about 5 printings, many of which are still being sold above cover price. Well, I somehow managed to get a copy. But wait, there's more! If you look closely, you'll notice that it's signed. No, it's not signed by Big O, himself, but by Marvel Editor-In-Chief and Chief Creative Officer, Joe Quesada. So, how did I snag this comic? Well, it's funny you should ask...
Last year, I went to the New York Comic-Con with a couple of my Diamond friends. Near the end of most conventions, the Marvel booth has a giveaway panel. This isn't a nice, orderly contest, however. No, at the Marvel booth, everyone stands around yelling for shit, kinda like those businessmen watching Jennifer Connelly get it with that double-ended dildo in Requiem For A Dream. There's a guy (and I really should know his name by this point), who's like Wayne Brady with the huckster showmanship of Stan Lee. The Marvel Minions bring him large, unmarked boxes of stuff, and he just grabs something out. The stuff ranges from big ticket items (autographed books), to dead overstock (Dark Towers hardcovers), to random licensed items (lunchbox, anyone?) on down to Saga books. That's right - I've seen them give away the same crappy promo comic you would've gotten stuffed in your bag at your LCS.
Anyway, I've witnessed this thing quite a few times, so there's generally a formula: "Wayne Lee" generally looks around to see who wants the item most. Sometimes, he might ask a trivia question or ask you to dance for him or something. He usually goes for the cute kid, the 20-ish girl, etc. In fact, he tends to go for everyone *except* the stereotypical "fanboy". By adhering to this pattern, the Marvel Giveaway Panel may be Marvel's smartest initiative to reach out to a new audience; cater to the young, the women, etc. So, the trick is to save your energy for something that you really want. Nobody walks away with 2 items. Not even that kid in the wheelchair. If you don't want the Spider-Man sleeping bag, don't even waste the energy to acknowledge it. Wayne's pretty good at scanning the crowd, so he's gauging what you really want. When everyone's jumping up and down like they're on The Price Is Right, you become more conspicuous if you stand still. Wayne notices that, and he knows you're being strategic. Hell, it's best not to even make eye contact with him. Save it for the big prize.
So, I knew all of the above going in, and I used all that to play my hand. I didn't acknowledge the Wolverine baseball cap or the Eternals hardcover. Out of the gate, we knew that the big ticket item was the Obama cover, especially since this was about 2 weeks after the inauguration. There wasn't even a second printing at this point, yet here it was, SIGNED by the creative head of Marvel. I knew they had 5 copies to give away, and those were the only things I went for.
After he had given away the 4th copy, I probably should have gotten discouraged. I mean, I'd been at this panel for about an hour and a half, watching people sacrifice their young for a Hulk pencil sharpener. One thing about me, however, is that I don't quit. I had a good feeling. I had no basis for said optimism, but I really thought I was going to leave with one of those books. I've actually been really lucky in life when it comes to comic-related contests. When I was 12, I won a Batman watch from a Choice Hotels Batman Returns sweepstakes. When I was 13, I won some Avengers/X-Men Bloodties trading cards from a contest I'd forgotten I had even entered. And the list goes on. So, I felt like some of that magic might be in the cards for me for that Spidey comic. My friends were leaving to go to dinner, and some of the booths had even shut down, but I was determined to see this to the end.
Wayne got to the final copy, and made quite a showing about it being the final copy. He paced the floor with it. He'd stop and think about whether the time was right to give it away (he does this a LOT - pulls out an item, gauges the reaction, and then swaps it for a Human Torch backpack once the fever builds). He decided to ask a question: "What's Wolverine's real name?" This, my friends, is somewhat of a trick question. I didn't know which answer he wanted. After all, everybody knows it's "Logan", yet this was after Origin had come out, so the real answer was "James Howlett". Seeing as how he IS the guy from Marvel, I figured Wayne would want the Howlett answer. So, I jumped up and down, screaming "James Howlett!" I could hear a good deal of the crowd going the Logan route, while my fellow fanboys were chiming along with the Howlett chorus. I have to believe that Wayne noticed how I'd played the game. I think he knew that I was there for one thing, and he was determined to make me wait for it. Or, maybe he just noticed me at that point. Whatever it was, he was prepared to make my day. It felt like slow motion, as he walked over and handed me the book. In my haze, I shielded it until I could get out of the crowd, and I quickly put it in my sketchbook for safekeeping. Once I got to an empty corner of the Javits Center, I double-checked to make sure that it was real, and that I hadn't imagined the whole thing. What I saw in my hands was the book that you saw above, and it's been sitting on my makeshift mantle ever since.
Introducing “Adventures West Coast”
"I might jump an open drawbridge, or 'Tarzan' from a vine..."
So, I haven't written about this in some time, but I used to work in the comic industry. More precisely, I was a buyer for Diamond Comic Distributors, the largest comic distributor in North America. Basically, I looked for new talent in the industry, while helping to compile Previews, the monthly catalog that was sent out to retailers. The bottom line of it, though, is that I acquired a LOT of comics. I mean, more comics than a person would probably be able to read in a lifetime. Some of these were from new creators, while the majority are from the major publishers. In any case, I have about 2 IKEA Buddy Bookcases worth of graphic novels and trade paperbacks that need to be read. I figure, now that I've got some time on my hands, it would be a good chance for me to get through a good deal of them. Since I love attention, and need to further my goal of more regular posts, I figured I'd half-assedly review them here.
It's my belief that there's too much highbrow journalism these days when it comes to comics. Sure, everyone's tired of the hamfisted "Bif, Bam, Pow!" articles from the mainstream press, but I'm going to kill a hobo if I read one more thing about Dash Shaw or Paul Pope. There's just not enough fanboy journalism. If you like Rob Liefeld, despite his inability to draw realistic anatomy, good on you! If you're a sucker, like me, who buys everything put out by The Big 2 just so you can understand the lastest Big Event, welcome aboard! I don't claim to know everything there is about the medium. I was honest about that when I worked in comics, and I'm honest about it now. I just know what I like. I also know what I don't like. You'll get doses of all of that here.
But wait, there's more! I didn't want to just treat these like any old posts. My friend, Marcus, has taught me the importance of columns and titles. So, these posts will carry the banner:
Any old school Marvel fans will get the reference. Yeah, my design skills suck, but I don't have Photoshop for this computer, so I used what I could get!
So, come back next time for the 1st installment, and your input is always welcome!
Fallout Boy Mixtape and An Insider’s View of Diamond
"We believe in Barack Obama! He loves you and he loves your mama!"
Could it be? Is that an Obama endorsement from Williambrucewest.com? No, it's not. But it does lead into this little tidbit: Major props go out to my man, Marcus, for recommending "Welcome to the New Administration", the new, FREE mixtape from Fall Out Boy. A thinly-disguised prObama project, the collection not only drops snippets of the upcoming Fall Out Boy album, Folie A Deux, but it also introduces you to the music of some of their musical friends, like Panic at the Disco, Tyga, The Cab, and others. The new FOB album sounds tight, and I certainly wanna hear more from Tyga. EVERYONE should download this package, and you can get it free right here: http://www.friendsorenemies.com/web/foe/users/falloutboy/ It's worth it just for Luda's interlude alone.
Did y'all realize there's a rapper named "Niggalas Cage"? I shit you not! In fact, he's even got a track with Akon right now, called "You're the Reason". If you ask me, they should've recorded a track called "Kon Air".
Speaking of Akon, he's on one of the hottest tracks on NKOTB's new album, "Put It On My Tab". I recently posted a Facebook status saying that the album "doesn't suck", but after repeated listenings, I've got to admit that it's HOT. It's got that 'NSYNC circa "No Strings Attached" vibe going on. And the guests on it are pretty surprising: Akon, New Edition, Pussycat Dolls, Lady Gaga, Ne-Yo. It's a great dance album, and one of the best pop albums released in recent years.
While we're on pop, TRL is shutting down. Man, that kills me, but it's time. The TRL model isn't appropriate for what passes as "pop" these days. Before, it was a crowd full of screaming teenage girls, clogging up Times Square, for the chance to catch a glimpse of dye-job, curly-q Justin Timberlake. TRL works best when pop is at its most "bubblegum". Sure, you can still have Chris Brown drop by, but Daughtry and the rest of Top 40 radio are more suited for VH-1. Even the teen stars being cranked out, like Jordin Sparks, are more suited for an older crowd. TRL, like the early WB, used to MAKE stars. Now, it's merely a shadow of its past self. MTV claims the show is just "going on a break", but anyone who's ever been in a relationship knows what that can mean. I think it'll reappear, though. The UK had a similar show, Top of the Pops, which was on the air for over 42 years (!). Eventually, the formula got stale, and they put it on time out. Like TRL, the BBC promises it, too, will one day return. Maybe their returns will coincide.
That BET R. Kelly interview is priceless! I love the look on Toure's face. The entire interview, his face is screaming, "Is this nigga for real?!"
So, last night, I watched The Temptations for what must've been the 10th time. I don't know if VH-1 planned to show it all along, or if it was to honor Norman Whitfield, the prolific Motown writer/producer who passed away yesterday. Let's hope the reason is the former, as the miniseries doesn't exactly portray Whit in the best light. Hell, I just realized that it doesn't portray anyone in a positive light...except for Otis Williams. Seeing as how Otis is the only surviving founding member of the group, the movie was written from his perspective. That said, it took me all these years to realize that it is the most masturbatory, self-congratulatory thing I've ever seen. There are WAY too many private scenes between Otis and random characters, as they have heart to heart talks where the other person thanks Otis for being the force that holds the group together, or thanks Otis for putting on the pressure when the less-disciplined needed that sort of monitoring. Everyone dies in the most heart-wrenching, tragic ways, even though most of the Temps' families have disputed the accounts of their relatives' demise, especially in the sensationalized account of David Ruffin, who's shown thrown in front of an emergency room, from a moving limo, after overdosing. They say karma's a bitch, so it Otis did make this stuff up, I'd say he'd better watch his back. Nothing like having 4 ghosts in leisure suits coming to get you, dancing slowly in formation. That reminds me, though - I've been working on a Leon/David Ruffin post for the better part of 2 years now. I should probably do something about that.
Watched Baby Mama the other night. This comes as no surprise, but I LOVE Tina Fey. She's pretty much playing Liz Lemon from 30 Rock, which is what I've come to believe is the real Tina. The sexy, smart, insecure funnywoman. This movie, however, not that great. It's not bad, but it's not good. I don't think it makes the most of any of the cast's strengths, and it could've been better, Honestly, it's about what I'd expect from an SNL movie, but I kinda wanted more, considering Tina wrote it, and she WAS head writer of SNL for about 9 years.
Got a lot on my mind, but I'm gonna wrap things up with this thought: a lot of people go through life with a dream. They go on with their day-to-day lives, but in the backs of their minds, they have a "what if?" idea that they never act on. Now, what happens when you act on that, and you find you're not good at it? Are you better off knowing that? One of my dreams was to work in comics. I felt that it was something I was BORN to do, and I'd kick ass at it. 2 years later, and I realize I wasn't that good at it. I always said I'd write a book about that experience, called Diamond in the Rough: My Life in Comics, but I don't have the patience, plus nobody'd want to read it except those in the industry, and it's gonna piss off most of them. Instead, I'm sure my ideas for said book will probably trickle onto the site over time.
Anyway, how did I come to this conclusion? Well, if any of you have ever read the Previews catalog (NOTE: Previews is a catalog that ships ever month, informing retailers/fans of upcoming comic books so they can place orders - I used to help make that catalog), you might've seen a segment in the middle called "Featured Items". Those were the 16 items, NOT from Marvel or DC, that we felt "every store should buy". We'd have monthly meetings where we'd sit down and go to war over who should receive this honor, even though John Q. Public really didn't give a shit. Us giving an "FI" to Red Sonja #25 isn't gonna make retailers buy more copies. If Sonja dies, or flashes a tit, THEN retailers are gonna buy more and sell them for 3x cover price right out of the box - they ain't doing it because of some faceless company in Maryland.
These "discussions" (and I use the term lightly) always got heated because no one respected anyone else's choice. Plus, there were the politics. Certain publishers are guaranteed a certain amount of FI's due to their contracts with Diamond, so our hands were a bit tied at times. I can't tell you how many times we gave an FI to Dynamite for "To Be Determined". They might have this book ready, but it's more likely it's gonna be late, so we'll give it to Book X. We got into the business of supporting companies rather than books. We were given the explanation that certain companies were poised to be the next Marvel or DC, so we needed to support those. I understand the need for growth and encouragement, but who would replace those companies that were about to "graduate". We were so focused on Dynamite and IDW becoming the next Marvel and DC, but I always felt we lost sight of the fact that someone would need to groom the next IDW and Dynamite (which ain't necessarily a good thing - grooming the "new Dynamite" is akin to discovering Super AIDS). I like to think a lot of my FI choices were focused on "the next generation", yet we were always told that we "weren't looking at the bigger picture". Eventually, it got to the point where the meetings were no longer seen as productive, and were done away with. Instead, we had to send our choices/arguments to the team managers, and they would decide based on the evidence we'd provided. Seeing as how this took place behind closed doors, we never really knew what went down. We were simply to trust that they'd make the right decision. That's how things were when I left.
Well, the other day, I found out that the FI meetings had been reinstated. It seems that the main reason the meetings had been done away with was because the FI picks submitted by me, as well as another former brand manager, weren't seen as strong or deserving. Now, I don't know if that's true, or if I was easy to blame because I'm no longer there to defend myself. Even still, it kind of hurts (and somewhat surprising) that I was divisive enough to derail a process that had been working for years, which is magically reinstated the minute I'm gone. I stand by my decisions, as I think some of the most surprising, engaging stuff is going to be coming from the Oni's and the First Second's. Because so many of those situations were presented in vagueries, I had no idea it was my ideas that were hindering the process. If someone had just told me... That said, I still think Scott Pilgrim 4, even though it's the 4th in a series (a bestselling series, mind you) trumps the adaptation of some videogame sequel that's delayed by months. That's how I played the game, and how I felt it should be played. I don't know if it's the bloggers or the small press crowd getting to me or what, but I thought I was looking out for the industry, while the gatekeepers of the industry weren't on the same page. So, was I truly born to work in comics? I don't know. I don't think so. If I was, it certainly wasn't in the capacity in which I was working before. Langston Hughes once pondered what happened to a dream deferred. I, on the other hand, am trying to figure out what happens to a dream deflated...
Company Dinner Faux Pas
"How're you gonna fix it, fix it, fix it?"
Huh. It turns out my last post was Post #600. There were no bells and whistles or anything. I've got to pay more attention to that kind of stuff. Oh well, I don't really like the number 600. I'll make a big deal out of #650. Anyway, here's a conversation that I had tonight, at a company dinner, with the director of the sales department:
Me: Hey, Mike...what's the name of that chick you took to Stardust that time?
Mike: What?
Me: Remember, when they basically gave everyone in the whole damn company tickets to Stardust? You had a girl with you. I think she works in customer service. She's cute and, well, to put it another way, kinda..."thick"....(yeah, I used the finger quotes)
Mike: Oh, no...she's not in customer service...
Me: Really? You sure? Who is she, then?
Mike: That would be my girlfriend. And you're a dead man.
*laughter erupts around the table*
Me: Oh, shit...well, let me tell you, in my community, "thick" isn't a bad thing!
*more laughter*
Mike: Oh, really?
Will: Dude, she's really cute. She is a cute girl. Hell, I'm glad you got to her first! You beat me to the punch!
Mike: Uh-huh. You're a dead man.
Me: Man, I'm serious. I've been looking at her since that day, and all I could think was, "Man, she's cute. Why the Hell is she with Mike?"
Keith: Yeah, Will, you should probably shut up now.
And that, folks, why I'm considered such a "people person".
Dr. 90210, Katie Holmes on BET, Natasha Bedingfield, and Kate Hudson
"Hey, did you guys see that fight outside?!"
I just had the kind of weekend that I just know I'm going to look back on and regret. I didn't do anything wrong, but I just feel kind of...off about a lot of stuff. I know I'm being cryptic, but it's really not that deep; I'm just the type of guy who tends to regret shit. As my friend Jenna would say, I've got to learn to let it go. Anyway, on to the randomness.
- I swear that Dr. Rey, from Dr. 90210 is the creepiest, sketchiest son of a bitch on television. Find me a creepier dude; I dare you. From his weird-ass gangster suits to the skeezy way that he speaks to his women patients, that guy does not put me at ease. And don't get me started on all his martial arts bullshit. Out of nowhere, he'll just pull out a pair of nunchucks and go at it. With the exception of Michelangelo & Panthro, nobody cool has ever wielded nunchucks. They're that weapon that sounds cool in theory, but ends up looking stupid in practice. Then, there's his home life, which just seems so fake. It's like he's actually gay, but they went out and cast an actress to be his wife, who is obviously uncomfortable in the role. Any scene with him and his wife is always so scripted and dramatic. The other day, he had to go to his birth home to Argentina (?), where he was determined to get his deathbed-ridden father to admit that he loved him. Meanwhile, Mrs. Rey (who looks as much like Skeletor as Finola Hughes), is bawling because she fears she'll never see Dr. Rey again. Sweety, he's just going on a trip. Stop your crying. Plus, I thought this show was about plastic surgery. Enough with the family drama and bring on the boobies!
- I'm about to declare the single of 2008. Yes, I know it's early in the year, plus it's not even an official single yet. That said, Jive would be foolish not to release it. What is it? "Break the Ice" on Britney's Blackout album. It's the hottest song on an entirely hot album. It's impossible to not dance when that song comes on. It truly is the hotness. Yes, it has driven me to use the term "the hotness". That song is so tight that I've actually choreographed a dance for it. I'm not talking about some little bullshit dance, either. This is a Fatima Robinson-level dance, and you better believe it won't involve folding chairs!
- You know, Natasha Bedingfield looks great for a 37 year old. Wait...she's actually 26? Oh...
I mean, seriously, did ya see the heinous top she's got on in her latest video? It just screams "Cougar Wear". Get her out of Dress Barn, stat!
My deal with Natasha is that she still doesn't seem to know what the Hell she's doing. Her debut album was one of the most meta experiences in musical history, as she wrote an entire album pretty much describing how difficult it is to write an album. Have you ever listened to the words to "These Words"? It's about how she couldn't figure out what to write, so she's just gonna sing about how hardthe process is. Really? Does that count? Is she just going for partial credit? Anyway, she's got her new album that drops on Tuesday, and her big single, "Love Like This" features Sean Kingston. Really? Who's bright idea was that? That's the worst, most missmatched combo since the So So Def remix video to Jessica Simpson's "Irresistible", where Bow Wow's scenes are just spliced in later, as it's clear Jessica would never be in the same room with him. Also, Natasha's song has no real tune. She's just kinda screeching at notes, hoping that some of them stick. It's like they want to present her as a singer with a 5-octave range, yet she's not really exhibiting any control. Her manager needs to figure out what her gimmick is gonna be. What is it about Natasha Bedingfield that people should care about? What is there to kep her from becoming tomorrow's Natalie Imbruglia or Robyn? That shit right thur is gonna be the million dollar question.
- Oh, thank all that is holy for the miracle of TLC's Smash Lab. A show dedicated to blowing shit up and wrecking shit. You know, for science. For every Real Housewives of Orange County and Intervention that we have to put up with, every now and then someone presents us with shows we really want to watch, like this one.
- Speaking of smashing shit, Burnout is the best/worst therapy for social deviants. In fact, I'm starting to believe that video games really can corrupt today's youth. I mean, I was never a gamer. Yet, I picked up Burnout 2, and found that I had an affinity for causing NASTY multicar collisions on the highway. Not only did Burnout allow it - it encouraged it. So, I found myself begin rewarded for causing property damage and killing as many school bus children as possible. And I couldn't stop. I spent 8 hrs devising the sickest, gnarliest, audacious car collisions possible. And you know what? I'd do it again. I'm THAT sick. Thanks a lot, Burnout...
- So, Katie Holmes was making the talk show rounds last week to promote her new movie, Mad Money. Best Week Ever made fun of the fact that she didn't really have anything to say. She'd drop little worthless anecdotes about Suri which, as BWE put it, it sounded like she was describing a child that she had just met. "Oh, she's got a good temperament." What I felt needed discussing, however, was her surprise appearance on BET's 106 & Park. Yeah, let that sink in for a minute. For the uninformed, 106 & Park is BET's version of TRL, only people actually watch 106 & Park. So, Katie comes on to present her costar, Queen Latifah, with the Golden Globe she'd won a few nights earlier (ya know, since the strike pretty much killed the Globes ceremony). I have never heard of a more inappropriate person to be in the BET studio. Let me explain: half them folks ain't never seen Dawson's Creek. Nor have they seen Go. And she was the most throwaway part of Batman Begins. So, I'd just love to know how it felt to be in the middle of the collective "who the fuck does this bitch think she is?" mentality that must've been running rampant in the studio audience.
- This is going to be controversial, but I feel I have to go here. I've a theory on what must be the best part about being a gay male: the clothes. Allow me to explain. There's some shit out there that a straight gay just isn't allowed to wear. For example, I was at Busboys and Poets tonight, and there was a grown man wearing a vintage boy scout uniform, complete with bandana neck kerchief. That shit is bold. Now, I'm not saying I'd want to wear it, but I'd like to be able to should I so feel the desire. For a straight guy, you wear that, and people start to talk. "Oh, Will must be gay." Or "What the hell was he thinking?" However, if I were gay, people would see me in that shit and just say, "Oh well, he's gay, so..." It's like a free pass. If I were a gay man, I could wear a picnic tablecloth as a cape, Adidas sweatbands on my ankles, along with a belt made of McDonalds ketchup packets, and they'd be copying that shit on Project Runway. You could be a gay guy with no fashion sense, and no one would know because stereotypes support that all gay men are fashion pioneers. That's some bullshit and it needs to stop. Some of us straight guys wanna be fashionably daring, too. It just ain't fair! Yes, I realize there are a ton of cons that are heavier than my shallow pro. I have a friend who said she wished she was Black just so that she would be able to get away with wearing bright colors. Yeah, I realize my argument is just as fucked up as her statement right there. Sure, it's more about confidence than sexual orientation, but I just wish we didn't have these hang-ups. Maybe I'm just looking for excuses. Look for my new line, Bromosexual, in Fall 2008.
- Am I the only one who finds it funny that Kate Hudson only gets the roles that would have gone to Goldie Hawn 20 yrs ago? What's weird about that, you say? Well, it's weird considering Kate's Goldie's daughter. I mean, has this ever happened before in Hollywood? Kiefer Sutherland sure as hell doesn't play the same roles as Donald Sutherland. Charlie Sheen sure ain't taking those Martin Sheen roles. It's odd that Kate and Goldie are so interchangeable. Watch the trailer for Fool's Gold. You swap out Matthew McConaughey with Kurt Russell and you've got Overboard. Think about that for a bit.
Anyway, Happy MLK Day to y'all with good, government jobs. While you're drinking your lattes and catching up on your Tivo, I'll be busting my ass making sure no comics get lost shipping from Korea. I have a dream, as well. I see Black children and White children holding hands, as the White children introduce their new Black friends to the magical world of comic books. And the Black children will fall in love with the medium and begin to buy comics for themselves. And enough comics will eventually be bought by these Black children that the industry will have to acknowledge this audience exists, and will have to shut down on MLK day for fear of backlash. Thank God Almighty, for fear of backlash...
San Diego Dreaming Part 5: You Can’t Go Back Again
"Where did you come from & are there others like you?"
So, on the last night of the con, Sunday, I had dinner with my friend Gina, and Keith tagged along for dessert. On the way back, we dropped Gina off at this top secret party thrown by Kevin Smith's View Askew folks; I swear there was a treasure map/scavenger hunt just for admission. Anyway, Keith and I were left to fend for ourselves for the evening's entertainment. Keith called his friend, Mark, and we ended up meeting back at a hotel bar downtown. We were all settling in, when we were introduced to Rachelle *cue glitter effect and cartoony harp music; throw the action into slow motion, just for good measure*, who'd be taking care of us for the night. Immediately, it was obvious that there was something about Rachelle. First of all, she carried herself so well. It's hard to convey in words, but she had this confidence, this air about her. Also, she played the role of gracious hostess, without any hit of boredom or condescension. She'd come through, with a simple, "What can I get for you, gentlemen?" and it was like time stopped. She really seemed pleased that we were there. And the feeling was mutual.
Now, Rachelle had this Kelly-Packard-post-California-Dreams look to her. She was an attractive girl, who just screamed "girl next door". We were all stupid and drunk, so we took a shine to her. Keith, most of all, seemed interested. We sort of had this plan to find him a wife in San Diego, as part of our ongoing quest to figure out our lives by grasping at grandiose straws. It sounds like hyperbole, and you'll think I'm full of crap, but she really was perfect. She was the that perfect girl you're always told is out there; the one where God broke the mold when He made her. She'd reinstill your faith in women. I can't reproduce the conversations of that night as they just flowed. She was witty, she could match you word for word, and she always seemed to find a way to surprise you. An hour into things, we all had a crush on this girl. I think I uttered something like, "Where did you come from, and are there others like you?" Yeah...
So, at that point, she actually pulled up a seat, and we learned about what she was studying in school, how she loved the beach, stuff about her hometown, etc. As the night wore on, she and Keith really did seem to connect. This was awesome, as I'm "Captain Vicarious", so it was like I had won, as well. Man, I really need to get a life, but we'll chalk this up as "Will being happy for his friend". When we were about to leave, Keith said something like, "You'd better be careful, 'cause I'll totally come back tomorrow night." She didn't seem fazed, and said that he should definitely come back. She told him the hours she'd be there, and that she hoped to see him again. We're all being stupid, obnoxious jerks as we're high-fiving him, and debating whether or not he should actually go back the next night.
Well, the next night, Keith and I decided to try out the SD bar scene. We went to this place whose name I can't remember, but we have a picture online somewhere. Anyway, they seemed to be having some kind of private party that we managed to get into, but we realized all of the women were engaged. All of them. WTF?! I've found that every woman in SD is hot, tattooed (I swear, every woman had a tattoo!), and married. Well, we got bored with that pretty soon, so we started thinking about what to do next. That's when we remembered that Rachelle would be working. Now, I was really starting to adhere to that whole "You can't go home again" philosophy. I don't know if it's my disdain for plans, or me just being bitter, but I never feel like those situations end up like you want them to. If we'd just run into her, that would be one thing. But the whole thing was just too...premeditated for my liking. But I was drunk, and we had nothing better to do. So, we start heading in the direction of that hotel. Here's where you might want to start paying attention, 'cause it's a doozy:
While we're walking, we realize we don't have a camera. For some reason (maybe this blog), I start to think that we need a picture with her, or no one will ever believe the story. Yeah, THAT makes sense. Well, we now had to get a camera to remember this forever. We get to the hotel, and there's this guy leaning against the outside wall, smoking. Now, if we're judging a book by its cover, he seemed kind of like the jerky frat guy. Probably has a string of girls whom he treats like shit, while he prefers to hang out with his bros. Anyway, we're drunk and we need help, so I ask him "Do you know if there'sa drug store or 7/11 nearby". Oddly enough, he was cool and directed us to a 7/11 nearby. We walk the couple of blocks to the store, we get caught in the maelstrom of the locals stocking up on cigs and soda before the next bus comes along. We finally get the camera, check out, and walk out the door.
Now, I need to explain something else: Keith had had Lasik about a month prior to our trip to SD. They'd screwed up, and the surgery didn't take, so he was in a sort of "holding pattern" as they waited to see if the eyes would straighten themselves out. He could get by, in that he wasn't going to walk into traffic or anything, but he couldn't make out features or details. So, I was constantly describing things and women to him. He'd see the outline, realize it was a girl, and ask, "Ooh, is she hot?!" Got all that?
OK, well, as we're leaving the 7/11, Keith's looking across the street to the next block, and he asks, "Ooh, is she hot?!" I was busy opening the camera, so I look up and mutter: "It's her. Fuck." Crossing the street, directly at us, is Rachelle in street clothes. She's no longer the classy, hostess with the mostest. She's still attractive, but she's wearing jeans and a t-shirt. And walking, with his arm around her, is fratboy smoker guy who'd directed us to the 7/11 in the first damn place! He'd been waiting for her. It was too poetic to be fake. We'd been crossed by our own savior. So many emotions at once. How was someone so perfect with this guy? Stock dropping rapidly....She didn't even see us, nor did he seem to acknowledge us. They passed us by, and she, out of our lives. I felt really bad for Keith, 'cause I really did want that unrealistic Hollywood ending. It really wasn't about me anymore, but I just wanted to witness the whole thing. I wanted the ability to say, "I was there." But that wasn't to happen. Because life doesn't work like that. To quote The 40 Year Old Virgin, "You can't put pussy on a pedestal". And that's why you have to live in the moment, take every experience for what it is, and you can't build castles on quicksand (yeah, I was going for two California Dreams references in one post; sue me!). Keith was great about it and just kind of laughed it off. That's the kind of guy he is, and I hope I can learn to do that one day. In any case, I cursed for a couple of blocks until we came up with the grand plan to explore San Diego's strip clubs. I'm gonna leave that story for another day, as it's really Keith's story, and being the master storyteller that he is, I could never do it justice. I will say, however, if you're in the San Diego area, and you know a redhead with "Danger" tattooed across her lower back, e-mail me!
Keith and I continued to have a few crazy adventures those last few days. We ended up at the beach one day, where Keith and his "mystical connection to the water" forgot to put on enough suntan lotion. You've heard of sunburn, but he got sun poisoning. It wasn't even apparent until about 12 hrs later. The worst part was that we were flying home the next day, which became an unbearable experience for him. The skin behind his knees was raw, so while sitting on the plane, these areas would start to heal, but when he stood up, the wounds would rip open again. His dealt with this for weeks after our return. He was like a blind leper. I probably should've just shot him to put him out of his misery. But it had taken so long to get home that I think we were just glad we made it back.
What happened, you ask? Well, when we got to the airport in SD, we were told that our flight was at least 2 hrs late, due to storms in the midwest. We're waiting for our flight, while Keith just wants to die from the sun poisoning pain. We finally get on the plane, and it has a layover in Phoenix. We don't deplane, but it sits on the runway for over an hr. Now, Diamond had arranged a shuttle for us, based on our being back to BWI at midnight. Well, with the unexpected delays, and empty promises that "we'd make up the time in the air", we didn't get a chance to call the shuttle. Not to mention the fact that I realized they had scheduled my shuttle for a day earlier. So, not only was Keith going to be late for his shuttle, there was no guarantee that there was even going to be room for me. Well, we land at 3 AM and the shuttle's not there. We call the place, but there's no answer...because it's 3 AM. So, we find a Super Shuttle, and I start to haggle. I get him to agree to take us to Timonium for $40 because "that's all the money we have". Man, were we about to get hosed. The guy agrees to take us, but he has to drop someone off first. We're fine with that.
Now, stay with me for this geography: BWI is in Baltimore, but this drop off was near Columbia, about 35 miles in the opposite direction of where we need to go. But we didn't know that before we got on. We drop the guy off, no problem. Then, about 5 minutes away from the drop-off, the shuttle gets a flat tire. So, we pull off to the side of the road, but the driver doesn't have a flashlight, so he's doing this by the light of the moon! Plus, his jack won't lift the shuttle high enough, so his master plan is to release enough air from the spare so that he can slip on the spare. This whole process takes about an hr. Once he gets the spare on, he realizes he had let out too much air, and the spare was going flat. So, he uses the GPS to find the nearest gas station. When we find it, it's closed...because it's 4:00 AM. We manage to get to another station, and he fills the tire. We finally get back to Diamond at 5:30. And we had to go to work that same day. I'd laugh if my entire life wasn't exactly like the scenario I just decribed. People keep telling me I'll win one day. We'll just have to see about that...
So, what did we learn, kids? San Diego's awesome, but Comic Con is pretty overwhelming. It's something that you really only need to do once in your life, but also take time to explore the city. Why? Because's everybody's hot, and the weather's beautiful. The most important thing I learned was that whole "live in the moment" philosophy. I can't say I've adopted it, plus it takes a whole lot of alcohol and "what have I got to lose?" attitude, but I've certainly acknowledged its validity. I think that's something we could all take into '08. And that, my friends, is the story of how the West went West.
- RT @MeisterShake: Seriously folks, WHY THE FUCK would I care about YOUR horoscope? Stop tweeting it.
- A midget!!! #SNL
- I love how that Bon Iver photo was like Find The Black Guy. Oh, there he is! Between Chad and Tyler!
- If y'all wanna make fun of Lana Del Ray, you can make fun of this dude's Eunuch Wails.
- This dude is just making noises - like the kind you make when you catch your balls in the zipper. I hope the internet takes notice!
- This Bon Iver song sounds like Johnny Hates Jazz. Not complaining. I just need bigger shoulder pads.
- That's why Harlem Nights is such a good movie - it passes the torch, but you'll never get that much black talent in the same movie again.
- When is Tyler Perry gonna get cracking on the black version of The Expendables?
- If I investigated rape cases, like on SVU, my first question to the vic (that's Cop Talk) would be "Did he look like Guy Fieri?"
- Ten seconds, gun to your head - who won The Voice last season?
From The Vault
- She Lost It For Guys In Black Turtlenecks
- Her Husband's Out Of Town...
- It's A Trampoline!
- H&M Training Not In Philly After All
- Conan's Taking Over The Tonight Show?
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