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Not really a fan of the Sam L. Jackson Nick Fury anymore, Don’t get me wrong – when he first appeared, I thought it was an awesome idea (especially in light of the fact that he’s the result of Marvel pussying out on a decision to make Ultimate Captain America a black man). That said, I liked “Sam Fury” a lot more before there was a glimmer of a chance that there’d ever be an Avengers movie.

When Marvel Studios started making their movies, sure there was a chance that they’d cast Sam Jackson, but there are several cases of actors’ likenesses being used in comics, yet they’re not cast for the actual movie (Wanted, anyone?). We didn’t know Sam Jackson would actually get the role, but using him as the basis for the comic reinterpretation gave the character the level of “badass” that it needed.

In his defense, White Fury could be pretty badass when he wanted to be…

Now, the whole Jackson-as-Fury thing  just seems to have run its course, especially since Ultimate Nick Fury hasn’t really been a badass in about 4 years. He’s been in hiding, for events that he caused yet won’t own up to. For a while, he was even hiding out in another universe. Does that sound like Sam Jackson to YOU? No, Sam Jackson ain’t no little scaredy bitch!

Anyway, as the movies keep rolling, and the trailers keep coming, I find myself much more intrigued by the character of Agent Coulson. I think a big part of that is because I get a kick out of seeing “That Guy From The New Adventures of Old Christine” on the big screen. Plus, he backs Baby into a corner on a regular basis (he’s married to Jennifer Grey)! Anyway, it’s almost like he stumbled into his big acting break (not really – he’s been around for years, but this might solidify his place in geek legend).

Yeah, I’d be cheesin’ like that if I just slept with Elaine/Christine…

In any case, I like the movies’ depiction of S.H.I.E.L.D. because it would be some organization shrouded in the secrecy of Homeland Security. It wouldn’t be staffed by any farmboy with dedication and a dream, wearing a bodysuit, hanging out on a helicarrier. The comic depiction of S.H.I.E.L.D. is no longer relevant, as it seems like you can enlist in S.H.I.E.L.D. just like any of the other armed services, They sure as Hell ain’t highly trained, and they have the mortality rate of red shirts on the Enterprise.

Helicarrier #547, ten minutes before everyone aboard was killed by Ultron

Sure, the Marvel movies could have used Clay Quartermain, but they knew that his characteriation wouldn’t have fit the universe they were building. So, we get Agent Coulson, and that makes me very pleased. We know nothing can really touch Fury, because he’s lives forever blah blah, but anything could happen with Coulson. Hell, they could introduce him in the comic world, and make him the new Winter Soldier for all we know. Sure, comics are great at ruining ideas and characters with potential, but I don’t think he was introduced for nothing. He’s an original character, who’s being given quite a push by the guys upstairs. I look forward to seeing what’s next.

So, it may come as a surprise that I’m no fan of the convenience of technology. Sure, I love my twitter and my facebook, but I don’t use technology for anything practical. Paying bills? Hand me my checkbook. Yeah, I blog, but I’d rather write a letter and send it to all of you if I could. I’m an old soul. That’s just how I roll. One convenience I’m just now giving in to is Pandora. I’m the guy who’d lug his CDs from place to place, but that got cumbersome once I passed CD #500. Sure, there’s the radio, but there are only so many times one can listen to “California Gurls” before they want to kill Katy Perry for melting all the popsicles. So, with that in mind, and a laptop at my disposal, I ventured into the world of Pandora.

First impression? I am SO proud of my Shiny Toy Guns station and it’s not like I really had anything to do with it. I mean, I chose a band, and Skynet did the rest. That said, it really does evoke a mood. If I could rename it, it would be my “Trying to Seduce That Hot Artsy Barista” station. Remember Shannyn Sossamon in 40 Days and 40 Nights?

Yeah, this shit’s for her. Sneaker Pimps, Massive Attack, Zero 7, Imogen Heap. Seriously, this is everything that quirky chick would love to hear. They even threw in some Simon & Garfunkel, to remind her of the good times she had with her dad growing up – ya know, before he hit the point where he “just doesn’t understand anymore!”

Sure, she’s not gonna end up being The One, but you’ll have a really torrid and emotional relationship that’ll define your mid 20s and maybe fuck you up for the rest of your life. Breathe it all in, my friend – once that chick moves away to art school/leaves you for her psych professor, you’re never gonna want to hear Sia again. That’s when this becomes the “That Fucking Bitch (Please Come Back – I’ll Change!) Station”. Or so I’ve been told. Stop looking at me like that!

To Be Continued…

So, today marked the 1st (annual?) DC Comic-Con. However, in this case, “DC” meant “Northern Virginia”, and “Comic-Con” meant “church bazaar”. I really had high hopes for this show. Established as a joint effort between Baltimore Comic-Con creator Marc Nathan, and the Laughing Ogre chain of stores, the show was poised to give the DC-Metro Area its first taste of a somewhat “official” comic book convention. Considering how great the Baltimore show has become over the years, this venture held a lot of promise. Unfortunately, something went wrong between idea and execution.

Now, I was actually supposed to volunteer for the show, as I first learned about it when I was in Marc’s store a few months back. He had a really good idea: he was already hosting a Free Comic Book Day signing in his store, so he figured he would just offer those guests an extra night’s hotel stay, and have them as his guests for the show. On top of that, he was going to make sure that all of the local shops had flyers available on FCBD, so that he could take advantage of the newcomers who might be flocking to stores. Considering his guest list was going to include Frank Cho (Ultimate Avengers 2, Liberty Meadows), JG Jones (52, Marvel Boy), Jo Chen (Buffy Season 8 covers), and others, it sounded like it couldn’t fail. Of course I wanted to be on board with that! He told me to show up early, and he’d put me to work. Well, fast forward to this morning, as I didn’t get to sleep until 7 AM because I’d been up working on restoring older entries to the site (I’ll explain that situation in another post). So, considering I wasn’t getting to sleep until about 3 hours before the show started, I simply muttered “Fuck that noise”, and went to sleep.

Over the past few days, I guess I lost most of my interest in the show when it didn’t seem like anyone really knew about the thing. I was in a comic shop yesterday, where I overheard someone talking about it, but their account of the thing was riddled with misinformation. On top of it, these were the retailers, themselves, and not just some fanboys standing around. So, it was becoming apparent that those flyers hadn’t made the rounds as planned. Also, the website was only updated intermittently. By Thursday, in total, there had only been about 5 update posts – none of which contained any major information, outside of the list of creators who’d be present. The only show-exclusive item was a variant cover of Witchblade, which would benefit the Hero Initiative. That’s good for the Hero Initiative, but the whole “Show Exclusives” part of the site looked pretty sad, as nothing else was being listed alongside it. It’s almost like, “Why bother?”

The worst crime of the site, however, was that it didn’t even list information pertaining to the price of regular admission. It stated that tickets would be available at the door, and not in advance (unlike the Baltimore show). Also, admission would be $5 IF you signed up for the e-mail newsletter. What if I don’t want to sign up? Well, there’s no information for that scenario. Guess I would just have to find out at the door…

So, I woke up around 11:30, and really debated whether or not I wanted to even bother with it. I had told Marc I’d volunteer, but it’s not like he really cared. He’d be OK. The main thing, though, was that I didn’t really know how to get to George Mason University. Sure, there’s Mapquest, GPS, and all that, but I hate the thought of trying to navigate a college campus. Cornell was basically the entire town of Ithaca. I knew GMU wasn’t that big, but I didn’t want to waste most of the day wandering around aimlessly. I checked the con’s site, only to see that they had uploaded a map of the campus, showing the location of the show, as well as the lot (Lot A) which was the only one open to con guests. Nice of them to post this…on May 1st. Yeah, they did it yesterday. The day before the show.

Honestly, though, I really just wanted to go so that I could finally meet one of my twitter pals. He’s one of the few people I can actually have a tweetversation with, and I think he’d be a cool “real life” friend. I knew he was making the trip from Baltimore, so if he could do that, then I could suck it up and drive to VA.

I headed down to GMU, but I was looking at the map on my phone, as I didn’t have the chance to print it. The Zoom option didn’t want to work, so I was flying blind. Once on campus, I couldn’t, for the life of me, find Lot A. Driving around Patriot Circle, the signs about the show/lot simply ran out. I ended up parking in the lot for a shopping center across the street from the campus. I didn’t want to risk tickets/towing by parking in the wrong campus lot, and I don’t mind walking. If I had found Lot A, it would’ve been a “5-10 minute walk” to the show. I’m not sure if that estimate was for the “normal” person, or for us geek types, who don’t have much in the way of cardio training.

I wandered through campus a bit, and actually walked past Lot A. It wasn’t much closer than the shopping center, so I didn’t feel too bad about my choice. Since the main campus seems to be configured in the middle of a circle, it wasn’t too hard to figure out the general direction of central campus. That said, all of the buildings, while nice and new, all pretty much look the same. Every now and then, I’d see a fat kid carrying a bag of comics, coming from the general direction in which I was headed, so that was an encouraging sign. Eventually, I just had to suck it up, and ask some kid where the Student Union was. Luckily, it was right around the corner from where I was. Keep in mind, this whole walk, which was in the CORRECT direction, contained NO signage to imply that I was headed in the right direction. I couldn’t have been the only one to experience this. Sadly, I arrived just in time to receive a tweet saying that my twitter pal had just left.

Anyway, once at the student union, there was nothing outside to indicate what was going on inside. No “DC Comic-Con Here!” sign. The only clue was that there were more slovenly kids with bags of comics, and a line at the ATM. Once inside, I realized that it wasn’t exactly a well-oiled machine. Admission turned out to be $5, so I guess the newsletter tactic was a bust. The problem was that, after I paid the money, the guy manning the table was more concerned with me filling out a raffle ticket than with giving me my wristband. People were bunching up around me, so once I was done, his partner tried to charge me another $5 before he’d give me the wristband. I told him I’d already paid, and the 1st guy co-signed it, so I got my wristband. That’s when I entered the “ballroom” where the show was being held…

You know your grandma’s church? The one that’s old and drab ’cause only old people attend? The one where they hold bazaars in the drab auditorium? The same auditorium which has a stage up front, as they sometimes use it to present the Christmas Cantata? Well, that’s exactly what this venue was like. It had a very “flea market” vibe to it. The entire room was filled with vendor tables, while something seemed to be happening onstage. I started to make the loop, but people were just in the way. This is a common problem with conventions, as everybody wants to bodyblock the longboxes until they’re done looking through them – very territorial.

As I’m walking through, I realize I recognize a lot of the vendors. After all, I used to frequent those little comic shows they hold at the Crowne Plaza in Tysons. Yup, there was the guy with one arm. There was the jerk from Columbia. There was the dude who always gives me the stink eye. The gang was all there. As I continued around, something became VERY apparent to me: the vendors had only brought their older comics OR their junk. So, if you were new to comics, your only options were overpriced yellowed books from the ’70s or a bunch of $1 bin books from the mid ’90s. I was kind of offended by this, as it implied that none of the vendors had taken the show seriously. Just as the place looked like a church bazaar, they were treating it as one. As I walked around, I overheard a lot of grumbling amongst the vendors, as the show clearly hadn’t met their expectations. Now, I’m not sure if they were unhappy with the turnout, or the lack of sales, but I have to lay some of the blame on the vendors themselves. Outside of the shitload of unnecessary Deadpool variant covers released over the last few months, the vast majority of vendors didn’t have any books published within the last five years. On top of that, it was a great show for anyone looking for cheap trade paperback collections, but the single comic offerings were piss poor. One guy was selling “new comics”, one of which was an issue of Amazing Spider-Man that came out six months ago. Now, considering that series comes out thrice-monthly, that book is basically a year and a half old, when compared to other comics. That’s not NEW.

I made about 5 loops around the room, and couldn’t find ANYTHING on which I wanted to spend money. It was all junk. Hell, I was so disgusted that I passed up the FCBD books that some guy had leftover from yesterday. I bought the DC Comic-Con exclusive Witchblade because it was the show’s ONLY exclusive, and I wanted to have proof of the show’s existence in case it’s never held again. It helped out the Hero Initiative, though I’ve never exactly been sold on that organization (look up its guidelines some time – there’s a a VERY narrow pool of creators who even qualify for its assistance).

The saddest part of the convention was the lone Joker who was skulking around the show floor. This dude looked terrible! I mean, his costume was good, but he just looked depressed, and I’m not sure if it was part of his cosplay. I think he just felt out of place, as he was the ONLY one in cosplay that I saw. They were granting free admission to anyone who showed up in full costume, but he’s the only one who looked like he may have taken advantage of that offer. In any case, I eventually saw him hiding behind a pillar, fervently texting someone. Maybe he was asking Batman to come and take him back to Arkham. After all, that HAD to be a better option than where he was at the moment!

Oh, remember the commotion onstage? Well, that’s where those big name creators were set up. It was so awkward, however, as they were elevated over the rest of the show floor. To add to that, any fans wishing to get signatures & sketches had to wait off to the side of the stage. When it was their turn, they went up, as if they were about to receive a diploma. I’m being overly dramatic, but it really looked like an elitist setup, as we were all waiting to “pay tribute”. I already had signatures from all of them, so I didn’t even give it a second thought.

While on Loop #5, I noticed one vendor, who also happened to be the only vendor who was even remotely friendly to me, had a bunch of old toys for sale. Really old toys. That’s when I saw them: the Hasbro figures from the Stargate movie. Kurt Russell as Jack O’Neill, James Spader as Daniel Jackson, and nary a trace of likeness rights between them. Despite looking nothing like the actors, I LOVE Stargate, and I couldn’t shake a stick at the price tag of $3 each. As I took Daniel and O’Neill to the vendor, he laughed and told me he would cut me a deal for all of them. There were 6 figures, and he said he’d give them to me for half price. Now, I’m normally a sucker for a deal, but I really had no use for Lt. Kawalsky and Horus figures. I mean, Kawalsky looked just like O’Neill, but had a different color shirt, and I don’t care about grunt soldiers from a defunct toy line. I could’ve had them all for about $3 more than I spent, but I just didn’t want more junk in my apartment. I’m gonna hang Daniel and Jack on the wall, like the kitsch that they are. I simply had no use for the others.

The very second after I completed that transaction, I headed for the door.  I didn’t care about the raffle, or the door prizes, or spending another second in that place. I walked out the door, and didn’t look back.

While I had major problems with the venue, I think my main disappointment came from the fact that I had held such high expectations. It’s really a matter of semantics: this was not a convention, but a show. A comic convention is an experience. There are vendors, panel discussions, and it provides fans with the chance to meet their favorite creators. A comic show, however, is simply about selling. Vendors bring their backstock inventory, and hope to unload some of it to people who are trying to fill holes in their collections. Shows don’t always have guests, and when they do, they don’t tend to be “marquee”. This show definitely fit the latter definition. It was geared toward the collector, and the older collector at that. It didn’t serve as a proper introduction for the new fan, nor as encouragement to the casual fan. I’m a collector, and it didn’t even fit my needs, so I’m left to wonder what was the target audience for this show. It’s got some reputable names behind it, so maybe this was a case of “1st year mistakes”. I didn’t exactly have an amazing time, but fanboys are gluttons for punishment, so I’m not giving up on it completely. After all, there’s always next year…

I have a REAL BIG problem with the current state of DVDs at retail. I’ve been a fan of the medium for about 8 years, and I’ve dropped quite the coin on DVDs. I used to be a New Release Whore, who’d scour websites to plan out what I was going to buy each week. TV season sets? If it was a first season, I was down. Blockbuster Previously Viewed sections? I was a connoisseur. If I wasn’t cycling through a toy or comic phase, all of my disposable income (and then some) went to DVDs.

As a DVDphile, I wanted the BEST version of each title. If there was a 2-disc version, I didn’t waste my time with the single disc. If there was an anniversary on the horizon, I knew that I should wait to see if a special edition was on the way. If there was a Director’s Cut, don’t bother me with the theatrical version.

I guess, at this point, I should elaborate on something. Like a low-rent Batman villain, I have a bit of a psychological tic when it comes to DVDs: I don’t consider a viewing experience “complete” until I’ve watched EVERYTHING on the disc. This means unrated cut, theatrical cut, commentary track(s), and featurettes. I can’t file a disc away on my shelf until all of this has occurred. As a result, more of my collection is in the “incomplete” stage, stacked up around my apartment. I don’t always watch what I buy. In fact, in many cases, I may have found something on sale and just bought it because I’d heard of it by way of mouth. So, the piles keep growing…

Why do I do this? Well, I love pop culture, and I’m always out to learn. Many consider extra features to be a waste of time, but you can learn a LOT from them. A commentary track by a disgruntled director can be more entertaining than the movie itself. Actually, I have several movies in my collection where, had it not been for the special features, I would’ve gotten rid of them (Comic Book: The Movie, for example).

Anyway, DVDs and I had a great thing worked out. Then, however, the studios decided to come in and fuck everything up. How did they do this? The Digital Copy. The Digital motherfucking Copy! For those not in the know, many recent DVDs include a digital file of the movie that you can store on your iPod or computer. Apparently, this is so you don’t always have to have the disc on you, and it’s good for commuters. Commuters aside, there are so many reasons to hate the Digital Copy:

-It’s assumed that you’re essentially paying for your Digital Copy when you purchase the DVD so, like DRM-protected materials, the disc comes with an authentication code. That same code also has an expiration date. So, let’s say I find a copy of G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra 2-disc edition on sale next summer (because I would only buy that thing on sale), the authentication code will have already expired. So, basically, part of the built-in cost of the DVD is already null and void. After all, the single disc would run you about $12.99-14.99, while the 2-disc would run about $19.99-24.99.

-Remember how the Digital Copy price is built in? Well, back in the day, you would buy a 2-disc edition of a movie, and you GOT 2 discs worth of material. The first disc was basically the movie and commentary tracks, while the second disc was for featurettes, web links, and the unnecessary-yet-quite-common text script. Nowadays, everything’s on the first disc, and the second disc is usually JUST the Digital Copy. So, you’re basically getting fewer features than you would’ve gotten 2 years ago.

-The introduction of the Digital Copy also changed the distribution of features on releases. A few years ago, a single disc edition would come with a commentary track and a couple of features, while the 2-disc came with the bulk of the features. Now, however, most single discs have NOTHING other than the movie. If you want any kind of feature, you’ve got to get that 2-disc version. Now, I know I said that I always wanted the best versions of DVDs, so you’re probably wondering why this bothers me. After all, I was going to buy the 2-disc anyway. Well, it bothers me that there exists ONE disc with EVERYTHING on it, but in order for me to get it, I have to buy the Digital Copy. You see, in most cases there’s nothing on Disc 2 that I even want, since it’s JUST the digital version. So, I’m expected to buy a 2-disc version of something that doesn’t exactly warrant 2 discs!

So, why this argument? Why now? I give you Justice League: Crisis On Two Earths.

Released today, Justice League: Crisis on Two Earths is the latest in the burgeoning market of direct-to-DVD animated features that are mainly aimed at fanboys. The faster they crank these out, the less special they seem. The fact that the average run-time is between 70-80 minutes means that these either fail to “get to the meat” or wrap up in a satisfying conclusion. I wasn’t really looking forward to the main feature, in this case, but I was interested in an animated short surrounding The Spectre. Considering the fanfare this feature was receiving online, it appeared that it was seen as more of an additional facet to the release than a mere “special feature”. Warner Bros, however, seems to disagree: the single disc of the movie has NO Spectre featurette. It merely has a sneak preview of their next DVD release. Thanks. If I want to see The Spectre, I have to buy the 2-disc Digital Copy version. For a 12-minute animated short. Oh, and with the 2-disc version, Disc 1 offers me trailers of DC Animated DVDs THAT ARE ALREADY OUT, while Disc 2 gives me 2 “bonus” episodes of Justice League, which any fan who’s gonna shell out for the 2-disc ALREADY HAS! They should’ve just called the 2-disc “The Fuck You Edition”.

I’m tired of being screwed around. Fuck it, I’m out! I’ll be over on uTorrent if you need me.

“Run a web search on the phrase “American Dream” sometime. You’ll get nine million hits, and 95% of them are for real estate. Three percent are for strippers.”

courtesy: davidruffinbbfaq.ourfamily.com/leon.jpg

“Who Watches the Watchmen?”

Apparently, I do, as well as thousands of other folks this weekend. What did I think of the movie? Well, in order to fully understand my stance on the movie, let’s first discuss my views on the comic.

In terms of the graphic novel, Time magazine (parent company: Time-Warner, also parent to Watchmen publisher, DC Comics) lists Watchmen amongst the “100 Greatest Novels of All Time”. I feel that the good folks over at Time clearly haven’t read many novels. If anything, they read a bunch of random novels, stopped at 100, and said, “Well, there’s our list”. That’s the only explanation. Watchmen is one of the most overrated, most pretentious comic events of the last 30 years. It ushered in an age of “grim and gritty” storytelling that the industry has yet to shake. I don’t blame Alan Moore, as the story is fine on its own – I blame the legion of creators who kept going back to the well on it. I have more of a problem with the “phenomenon” than the actual book.

Now, don’t get me wrong: the storytelling in the pre-Watchmen era was nothing to write home about, but it was simple escapist fantasy of good vs. evil. That dichotomy might be unrealistic, but so’s the idea of a radiation overdose producing anything other than terminal cancer. The “darkening effect” was gradual, but it has reached almost all corners of the industry by now, making books more mature than they necessarily need to be. For example, Spider-Man’s #2 villain (depending on when/who you ask), Venom, used to constantly pursue him, yelling, “Spider-Man, I want to eat your brain!” We didn’t know why he was so obsessed with brain-eating (he was an alien, so maybe human brain was a delicacy), but all we had to know was that Spidey better hightail it ’cause that motherfucker’s coming after his brain! Nowadays, it’s all “Spider-Man, I want to rape your wife and fuck up your 401K!” Watchmen is the creepy old guy in the windowless van who scared kids away from comics. Sure, adults still buy the things, but kids don’t go anywhere near them. Alan Moore has realized the effect that the story had on the industry, and he has stated that he regrets that people saw the need to copycat what he had done. If anything, he wanted to show that the medium could be used in new ways, but he didn’t expect the work to generate this pall over every 4-color wonder being published by the majors.

I also feel that Watchmen, like the Beatles, gains a lot of weight from the era in which it was produced (We’ll table that Beatles discussion for another time…). I’m only 27 years old, so I can admit that I didn’t read it when it was originally published. For those fanboys who remember cracking open the latest issue as the credits rolled on the latest episode of The A-Team, I salute you. You actually lived in the Cold War era, and knew what it was like to live day-to-day, wondering if “the Reds” were gonna launch the bomb at any given moment. I read this book in post-9/11 world, so I couldn’t relate to a lot of the political climate. After all, my first trip away from home was Russia, so I’ve always thought of them as friends. Naive, I know, but that was brought into my “Watchmen Experience”. Sure, we’re scared of terrorists, but nothing on a serious nuclear level in recent years. Anyway, I’m a comic fanboy, so when they make movies about our heroes, I must attend. I just needed to describe the attitude that I took with me into the theater.

So, Watchmen‘s a movie now, huh? Well, it’s more like the world’s longest music video. Don’t get me wrong – it’s beautiful and stylistic, but it’s shallow and lacks feeling. It vacillates between wanting to be some hippies’ art school film project about the dangers of nuclear war and a really bad Cinemax soft-core porn movie where they forgot to put in the sex scenes (for the first hour and 45 minutes, that is). I figure they probably didn’t want to muddy up the thing with “household names”, but I couldn’t care less about that cast comprised mostly of nobody actors. For example, Malin Ackerman’s wooden performance just drives home the Cinemax comparison, and the only thing her sweet ass brings to the movie is, well, her sweet ass. And what’s the deal with her posing? Every time she’s onscreen, she strikes a pose, like her exposure to comics is from reading nothing but books “drawn” by Greg Land. At ease, princess – you’re in an alley, not the top of Mount Rushmore.

One thing that’s apparent from the beginning is the violence. You know, I hate to sound all “Joe Lieberman”, but the violence in this movie did absolutely nothing for me. I am, by no means, conservative in my lust for cinematic violence. I love explosions and the like so much I secretly dream that Michael Bay’s my real daddy. That said, I’m so sick of movies where it’s clear that the director majored in Matrix 101. The whole “slow it down and then speed it up” fight scene is fast becoming the most tired technique of the genre. Plus, explain this to me: The Comedian has no powers, so I don’t care how intense this fight is, how the fuck is he punching through marble?! There was not a single fight scene where I thought, “Wow, that was kickass!” Instead, there was a lot of “That was stiff and remiscent of Charlie’s Angels“. All of the fights were played out like choreographed dances, where it appeared that the actors were counting off in their heads. Even the mega “Crime Alley Gang Fight” with Nite Owl and Silk Spectre failed to stun me. How the hell is this bookworm breaking that thug’s arm like that? Who the fuck is this guy? Where did that come from?

My second problem was that the movie failed to ever bring me into the world it was attempting to establish. There are too many variables I’m forced to deal with. Why is it that whenever they have on their costumes, it just seems like one really long Halloween party that won’t end? Maybe that was the point in the story, but Watchmen points out just how stupid people look when they dress up in an attempt to fight crime. These people look like idiots! You get a hint of that when the original Nite Owl is talking about how the old cops just decided to dress up and fight the crazy criminals who’d decided to dress up. They felt stupid doing it, but I feel that this is the first comic movie where, intentionally or perhaps not, that same stupidity and shame is felt by the audience. I mean, I feel it had to be intentional, seeing as how Ozymandias had the Schumacher Nipples on his costume.

Also, what was up with the music? A movie like this is begging for a score, by a professional like Hans Zimmer. If not him, at least Harry Gregson-Williams. Instead, they took the Wonder Years approach, digging up any “snapshot in time” song that you’d find on a Time-Life infomercial. Oh, there’s Time-Warner again. Do I smell synergy/product placement? Seriously, the only cute hat-tip, musically, was the Muzak version of “Everybody Wants To Rule the World playing as Lee Iacocca and the rest of the auto industry fatcats get their asses handed to them by Adrian Veidt.

Where I will give them credit, as far as the setting, is that they faithfully captured the shittiness of 1980s NYC. Since the Disneyfication of Times Square, I think many have forgotten how dangerous that place used to be. These days, thanks to Sex and the City and “Must-See TV”, New York is all shopping and cocktails. Not so in the ’80s. Back then, you were always around the corner from a potential Beat It reenactment, only those fuckers weren’t interested in dancing with their wrists tied together. New York City is currently enjoying the “Metropolis phase” of its existence after surviving its “Gotham phase” of the ’80s. Also, while not a scene featuring the aforementioned danger, the most “1985″ scene of the whole movie was the date between Nite Owl and Silk Spectre – his Clark Griswold-meets-Egon Spengler portrayal was spot on for any movie of that era. How could you not love, yet at the same time feel sorry for, that guy?

While we’re talking about how “1985″ the movie was or wasn’t, let’s get this out of the way. ***SPOILER ALERT***

Anybody who’s seen an action movie from the 1980′s knows that the White guy with the nondescript European accent is ALWAYS the villain. I mean, DAMN! Sure, most fanboys have read the book and knew the villain going in, but the ’80s villain characteristics they gave Ozymandias in the movie aren’t necessarily expressed in the book. It’s like they got hamfisted with it. They should’ve just called this Super Die Hard.

***END SPOILER***

Oh, and remember back when I mentioned the whole soft-core of Cinemaxian proportions? Yeah, well, at about the 1 HR, 45-minute mark, we’re treated to the most uncomfortable soft-core sex scene between a guy I’d never want to see naked and a chick whose acting career is only going to be sustained by her showing off that ass every chance she gets. My God, was that some bad sex! Where the Hell did that even come from?! Yes, the act is in the book, but what was that? I swear, this thing made Emmanuelle in Space look like goddamn Citizen Kane!

OK, Will, so what did you like? I’ve got to say, huge blue penis aside, I most enjoyed the Dr. Manhattan story. From his detachment from humanity to his origin story to his self-imposed exile in space, I could’ve watched a whole movie about only him and been fine. Sure, the CG was hokey at times, and there was a LOT of blue penis (shit, if I had those powers, I wouldn’t wear pants either. I just got nuked for my country. You’re gonna look at this Smurf dong and like it!), but his tragic story was the most human element of the whole movie. He also looks better when you consider that everyone around him sucks more than he does. He supposedly lacks humanity, while the rest of the Watchmen take theirs for granted. Ozymandias is above everyone. Rorschach’s unwashed, killing child molesters and biting bullies. Silk Spectre is a hanger-on, while Nite Owl was always too scared to live – his fear kept him boring. Don’t get me started on The Comedian… Maybe Dr. Manhattan’s the Data of the story, but he’s probably the most blameless character in the whole thing. For most of the movie, that is. Then you get to the ending.

Oh, the ending. I was fine with how they did it. That whole squid ending in the comic never made much sense to me, and this ending was probably just as believable as that was. I was just glad that the thing was over. My friend, Jay, once said that the projects that he writes are those where the asshole always wins in the end. His reasoning is that if you’re smarter and want it more, there’s no reason that evil can’t triumph over good. With that in mind, Watchmen is his kind of movie. Again, this isn’t a criticism of the story, per se. It had its time and its place. As I’ve said before, I’m fine with the Watchmen Story, I just have a problem with the Watchmen Legacy. Just as many comic creators took the worst parts from the story and used them in their own attempts to “modernize” some Golden Age hero, Zack Snyder took all of the worst aspects of the action movie genre in an attempt to film what was never meant to be filmed. To keep with the ’80s theme, in the words of the immortal Hall & Oates, “I can’t go for that”.

“It’s just not the same when they don’t turn to dust”

So, I saw Nick & Nora’s Infinite Playlist tonight and loved it. It’s always good to see Michael Cera do his George Michael Bluth character for the umpteenth time. Don’t get me wrong; I love the guy, but I wonder if that shtick will hold up once he’s over the age of thirty. Is he gonna start taking those Zach Braff roles? Now that it’s official he’s gonna be Scott Pilgrim, I’m really curious to see how he handles that role. Scott’s a slacker, but he’s not as cautious as the roles that Michael’s played in the past.

Saw The Descent the other day, and I can’t say it was that scary. If you’ve never seen it, it’s a horror flick about a band of adventurous women who end up experiencing a spleunking expedition gone wrong. You see, I only tend to be frightened by uncontrollable shit that could happen: zombies, superflu, nuclear war, etc. For all I know, there are monsters deep in caves, but you know what? I stay the fuck out of caves! If I venture into a cave, I’m on their turf, and I pretty much deserve whatever happens to me. If a cave monster gets out and kills me in my house, then that’s a pretty fucked up tragedy. However, if I’m somewhere I’ve got NO business, other than some kind of “manifest destiny” bullshit, I deserve a pickaxe through my throat.

Gotta say that I have a newfound appreciation for Blair Butler. I’ve only got basic cable, so I didn’t really know who she was. To me, G4 was just a G5 (Gulfstream V) for not-as-rich people. Who knew it was a network? Anyway, I usually hate “the girl who covers comics” because they tend to be attractive, but not well-versed in the industry. Well, the most recent issue of Comic Foundry has an interview with Blair that shows she knows her shit. I mean, how many women name-drop “X-Cutioner’s Song”? How many fanboys name-drop “X-Cutioner’s Song”?! Still don’t have the G4, but I’ll be searching online for as many of her Attack of the Show segments as I can find.

Is it just me, or is Saturday Night Live featured player, Casey Wilson, the second coming of former cast member Julia Sweeney? For those who don’t remember, Julia’s from the early 90s era where the cast was oh, so promising, yet most of them ended up going nowhere. Kevin Nealon, Dana Carvey (Sure, many of you are gonna argue with that one, but other than Wayne’s World & Master of Disguise, there’s no Church Lady Trilogy to rival the success of the Austin Powers franchise…), etc. Anyway, Julia’s only notable character was Pat, the androgynous character whose sexuality was always the punchline of the skit. Ha ha, how funny. In fact, there’s even a shitty movie based on it, which might be the worst SNL movie ever made (and that includes Stuart Saves His Family, A Night at the Roxbury AND Superstar). Anyway, kinda like Jan Hooks & Cheri Oteri, Julia lost most of her funny when she left SNL. Turns out, she fought cancer and pulled a “reverse-Kirk Cameron” by created a one-woman show detailing how she renounced God during her struggle. But I digress…Not trying to harsh on her, as she’s a local girl, but Casey seems to get these stiff characters that don’t really stand out, just like Julia. They wouldn’t even give Julia the “fat girl” parts, ’cause they knew they could just throw a wig on Farley and it would yield a funnier result. Kristen Wiig runs that show, as far as the women are concerned, but maybe Casey will get a better shot once Amy Poehler leaves in November.

I have been having a Hell of a hard time with electronics lately. From my laptop to my BlackBerry, they’re all going haywire. In the past, I dated a girl who swore that she and her family were cursed when it came to electronics. I’m beginning to fear that the curse rubbed off on me. Why couldn’t she have given me something that could just be cured with penicillin?

Knight Rider, Knight Rider, Knight Rider…I don’t know what’s harder to believe: the fact that this show is back, or the fact that I’ve never watched a single episode of the revival. I just can’t bring myself to do it. It ain’t gonna last past January, so I don’t wanna get my heart broken. It will, however, make a pretty nice 13-episode boxed set, as Knight Rider: The Complete Series. It always sucks when a show is cancelled early enough that the DVD collection is labeled “The Complete Series”, but they sure do make nice, finite gifts.

Gonna wrap this one up with a plug. My good pal, Marcus “King Kong” Dowling, has officially left the MySpace Blog slum and entered the real blogosphere. Half the shit he talks about is indy wrestling, so my eyes tend to glaze over as he’s going on about some Wal-Mart cashier in Dundalk who’s destined to be the Next, Big Thing. That said, he does have some pretty funny stuff to say about the world in general, so you should check him out over at www.TGRIOnline.com. And this better get me a link on his site, or I’m gonna have to choke him out.

“We believe in Barack Obama! He loves you and he loves your mama!”

Could it be? Is that an Obama endorsement from Williambrucewest.com? No, it’s not. But it does lead into this little tidbit: Major props go out to my man, Marcus, for recommending “Welcome to the New Administration”, the new, FREE mixtape from Fall Out Boy. A thinly-disguised prObama project, the collection not only drops snippets of the upcoming Fall Out Boy album, Folie A Deux, but it also introduces you to the music of some of their musical friends, like Panic at the Disco, Tyga, The Cab, and others. The new FOB album sounds tight, and I certainly wanna hear more from Tyga. EVERYONE should download this package, and you can get it free right here: http://www.friendsorenemies.com/web/foe/users/falloutboy/ It’s worth it just for Luda’s interlude alone.

Did y’all realize there’s a rapper named “Niggalas Cage”? I shit you not! In fact, he’s even got a track with Akon right now, called “You’re the Reason”. If you ask me, they should’ve recorded a track called “Kon Air”.

Speaking of Akon, he’s on one of the hottest tracks on NKOTB’s new album, “Put It On My Tab”. I recently posted a Facebook status saying that the album “doesn’t suck”, but after repeated listenings, I’ve got to admit that it’s HOT. It’s got that ‘NSYNC circa “No Strings Attached” vibe going on. And the guests on it are pretty surprising: Akon, New Edition, Pussycat Dolls, Lady Gaga, Ne-Yo. It’s a great dance album, and one of the best pop albums released in recent years.

While we’re on pop, TRL is shutting down. Man, that kills me, but it’s time. The TRL model isn’t appropriate for what passes as “pop” these days. Before, it was a crowd full of screaming teenage girls, clogging up Times Square, for the chance to catch a glimpse of dye-job, curly-q Justin Timberlake. TRL works best when pop is at its most “bubblegum”. Sure, you can still have Chris Brown drop by, but Daughtry and the rest of Top 40 radio are more suited for VH-1. Even the teen stars being cranked out, like Jordin Sparks, are more suited for an older crowd. TRL, like the early WB, used to MAKE stars. Now, it’s merely a shadow of its past self. MTV claims the show is just “going on a break”, but anyone who’s ever been in a relationship knows what that can mean. I think it’ll reappear, though. The UK had a similar show, Top of the Pops, which was on the air for over 42 years (!). Eventually, the formula got stale, and they put it on time out. Like TRL, the BBC promises it, too, will one day return. Maybe their returns will coincide.

That BET R. Kelly interview is priceless! I love the look on Toure’s face. The entire interview, his face is screaming, “Is this nigga for real?!”

So, last night, I watched The Temptations for what must’ve been the 10th time. I don’t know if VH-1 planned to show it all along, or if it was to honor Norman Whitfield, the prolific Motown writer/producer who passed away yesterday. Let’s hope the reason is the former, as the miniseries doesn’t exactly portray Whit in the best light. Hell, I just realized that it doesn’t portray anyone in a positive light…except for Otis Williams. Seeing as how Otis is the only surviving founding member of the group, the movie was written from his perspective. That said, it took me all these years to realize that it is the most masturbatory, self-congratulatory thing I’ve ever seen. There are WAY too many private scenes between Otis and random characters, as they have heart to heart talks where the other person thanks Otis for being the force that holds the group together, or thanks Otis for putting on the pressure when the less-disciplined needed that sort of monitoring. Everyone dies in the most heart-wrenching, tragic ways, even though most of the Temps’ families have disputed the accounts of their relatives’ demise, especially in the sensationalized account of David Ruffin, who’s shown thrown in front of an emergency room, from a moving limo, after overdosing. They say karma’s a bitch, so it Otis did make this stuff up, I’d say he’d better watch his back. Nothing like having 4 ghosts in leisure suits coming to get you, dancing slowly in formation. That reminds me, though – I’ve been working on a Leon/David Ruffin post for the better part of 2 years now. I should probably do something about that.

Watched Baby Mama the other night. This comes as no surprise, but I LOVE Tina Fey. She’s pretty much playing Liz Lemon from 30 Rock, which is what I’ve come to believe is the real Tina. The sexy, smart, insecure funnywoman. This movie, however, not that great. It’s not bad, but it’s not good. I don’t think it makes the most of any of the cast’s strengths, and it could’ve been better, Honestly, it’s about what I’d expect from an SNL movie, but I kinda wanted more, considering Tina wrote it, and she WAS head writer of SNL for about 9 years.

Got a lot on my mind, but I’m gonna wrap things up with this thought: a lot of people go through life with a dream. They go on with their day-to-day lives, but in the backs of their minds, they have a “what if?” idea that they never act on. Now, what happens when you act on that, and you find you’re not good at it? Are you better off knowing that? One of my dreams was to work in comics. I felt that it was something I was BORN to do, and I’d kick ass at it. 2 years later, and I realize I wasn’t that good at it. I always said I’d write a book about that experience, called Diamond in the Rough: My Life in Comics, but I don’t have the patience, plus nobody’d want to read it except those in the industry, and it’s gonna piss off most of them. Instead, I’m sure my ideas for said book will probably trickle onto the site over time.

Anyway, how did I come to this conclusion? Well, if any of you have ever read the Previews catalog (NOTE: Previews is a catalog that ships ever month, informing retailers/fans of upcoming comic books so they can place orders – I used to help make that catalog), you might’ve seen a segment in the middle called “Featured Items”. Those were the 16 items, NOT from Marvel or DC, that we felt “every store should buy”. We’d have monthly meetings where we’d sit down and go to war over who should receive this honor, even though John Q. Public really didn’t give a shit. Us giving an “FI” to Red Sonja #25 isn’t gonna make retailers buy more copies. If Sonja dies, or flashes a tit, THEN retailers are gonna buy more and sell them for 3x cover price right out of the box – they ain’t doing it because of some faceless company in Maryland.

These “discussions” (and I use the term lightly) always got heated because no one respected anyone else’s choice. Plus, there were the politics. Certain publishers are guaranteed a certain amount of FI’s due to their contracts with Diamond, so our hands were a bit tied at times. I can’t tell you how many times we gave an FI to Dynamite for “To Be Determined”. They might have this book ready, but it’s more likely it’s gonna be late, so we’ll give it to Book X. We got into the business of supporting companies rather than books. We were given the explanation that certain companies were poised to be the next Marvel or DC, so we needed to support those. I understand the need for growth and encouragement, but who would replace those companies that were about to “graduate”. We were so focused on Dynamite and IDW becoming the next Marvel and DC, but I always felt we lost sight of the fact that someone would need to groom the next IDW and Dynamite (which ain’t necessarily a good thing – grooming the “new Dynamite” is akin to discovering Super AIDS). I like to think a lot of my FI choices were focused on “the next generation”, yet we were always told that we “weren’t looking at the bigger picture”. Eventually, it got to the point where the meetings were no longer seen as productive, and were done away with. Instead, we had to send our choices/arguments to the team managers, and they would decide based on the evidence we’d provided. Seeing as how this took place behind closed doors, we never really knew what went down. We were simply to trust that they’d make the right decision. That’s how things were when I left.

Well, the other day, I found out that the FI meetings had been reinstated. It seems that the main reason the meetings had been done away with was because the FI picks submitted by me, as well as another former brand manager, weren’t seen as strong or deserving. Now, I don’t know if that’s true, or if I was easy to blame because I’m no longer there to defend myself. Even still, it kind of hurts (and somewhat surprising) that I was divisive enough to derail a process that had been working for years, which is magically reinstated the minute I’m gone. I stand by my decisions, as I think some of the most surprising, engaging stuff is going to be coming from the Oni’s and the First Second’s. Because so many of those situations were presented in vagueries, I had no idea it was my ideas that were hindering the process. If someone had just told me… That said, I still think Scott Pilgrim 4, even though it’s the 4th in a series (a bestselling series, mind you) trumps the adaptation of some videogame sequel that’s delayed by months. That’s how I played the game, and how I felt it should be played. I don’t know if it’s the bloggers or the small press crowd getting to me or what, but I thought I was looking out for the industry, while the gatekeepers of the industry weren’t on the same page. So, was I truly born to work in comics? I don’t know. I don’t think so. If I was, it certainly wasn’t in the capacity in which I was working before. Langston Hughes once pondered what happened to a dream deferred. I, on the other hand, am trying to figure out what happens to a dream deflated…

“All of my friends have a ring on their finger, they have someone”

It’s been awhile, and I don’t even know where to begin. I’m actually sick right now, and had a kickass day off work. Well, that is, if “kickass” translates into “felt like I was going to boot for a 24-hr period”. Plus, I’m guessing the abundance of Clyde’s rum & cokes last night didn’t help matters, either.

Anyway, it was a GREAT day for daytime television. First off, I got to watch 2 of my favorite Saved By The Bell sagas, back-to-back. Things started off with the 2-parter where Jessie’s old-ass dad was gonna marry the aerobics instructor and Jessie wasn’t havin’ it! You know, there weren’t a lot of episodes focusing on Ms. Spano, but whenever she got center stage, it was always a doozy. She was a diabolical beeyotch in those episodes. Plus, if her dad owns that resort, she must be LOADED – which, btw, conflicts with the story we were told back in season 1, about her parents being hippy protestors. I mean, her dad is clearly suckling on the big, sweet teat of capitalism now. That was followed up by the “Sorry You’re Homeless at Christmas” saga. Yes, the show does establish Zack as quite the poonhound, but I will never see what he saw in that homeless girl. Sure, she was sweet, but wasn’t that the point? “Homeless girl with the heart of gold”? Zack’s never cared about golden hearts unless he could sell them. The older I get, the more smarmy Zack’s tactics appear. I’ve said it before, but I think if The College Years had made it to a second season, we might’ve seen a very special episode with a date rape charge.

Next, I watched an all-day marathon of the short lived UPN show, Jake 2.0. Damn, was that a good show! Long story short, it’s The Six Million Dollar Man meets Chuck. Anyway, thanks to the show, my new celebrity crush is Keegan Connor Tracy. Go ahead and Google her, I’ll wait.

Then, I watched an entertaining episode of Gunsmoke, complete with William Katt playing a criminal, and a young Nick Nolte as a dead sheriff’s deputy. Say what you will about modern entertainment, but TV was awfully violent back then.

Then, I was surprised to stumble across Love, Actually, which is one of my favorite movies of all time (I love you, Martine McCutcheon!). Plus, this was followed up by A Goofy Movie, another of my favorite movies of all time (I love you, voice of Jenna Von Oy, attached to the sweet ass of Jenna Von Oy!). All this was capped off by a fresh episode of Ben 10: Alien Force, and my regularly scheduled Tuesday night onslaught of Whose Wedding Is It Anyway? If not for the fact that I felt like shit, it would’ve been a great day.

Let me just say that I don’t give a flying shit about professional sports, but I have loved every minute of the Brett Favre saga. You see, ever since There’s Something About Mary, Brett has belonged to pop culture. I don’t think I’d ever visited ESPN.com in my life, but it was a regular fixture on the BlackBerry over the past month. It might be worth me actually paying attention to football this season, just to see how this all plays out on the field.

So, I also went to Virgin Mobile Fest again over the weekend. Not as action-packed as last year. Foo Fighters were clearly the best act of Saturday, while I think Kanye took the title on Sunday. Kanye’s still dealing with the death of his mom, so he just starts freestyling and going on these rants, but you know they’re coming from someplace deep inside. You wonder if he’s having a breakdown right in front of you, but it’s a powerful form of “group therapy”. I LOVED Chromeo, and everyone should buy their album, Fancy Footwork. That’s right, I said BUY. Can’t get “Momma’s Boy” out of my head. The most… interesting performance, however, had to have been Lil’ Wayne.

So, Weezy F. Baby comes out on stage 45 mins late. By this point, the majority of the crowd has already begun to boo the stage. His posse comes out for about 10 mins, and they just strut around to a pre-recorded track. When he finally comes out, Weezy decides to get religious on us. He tells us that, first, he believes in God. He then, for some reason, asks the crowd if they do, as well, which is met with a pretty resounding “no”. Not sure if it was because they’re pissed at him, or if the Virgin Mobile Fest is simply the largest atheist music festival since John Lincoln’s “Jesus Ain’t In My Guitar” Tour of 1987. * Anyway, he goes into all his hits, plus he runs through all the guest verses he’d done on other people’s albums, which was a bit weird. You’d hear the music start for “Put On”, Weezy’d sing his verse, and then he’d move on to the next song. Then, he really kicks us in the collective balls: he surprises us with Kanye coming out (5 hrs before his own set) so they can do the Lollipop Rmx. Kanye gets through his verse, and when it’s Weezy’s turn, he gets 3 words into it, stops, and says, “Aw, man. I don’t even know that verse noway!” And he’s done. He doesn’t start back up. He doesn’t try to finish up by switching to the album version. No, he’s done. He proceeded to tell us hw much he loved us, which kicked off Whitney’s “I Will Always Love You”, and he ran around the stage. Then, they covered him in a red, terrycloth robe and he left the stage. I shit you not…

Energy levels fading fast. Well, that’s all I’ve got until next time. Oh, and I hate the New Facebook. Just sayin’…

*Don’t Google it – I made that shit up.

“Never go ‘Full Retard’.”

What a day, what a day…I’ve decided that a good chunk of commercial real estate brokers are assholes. Anyway, that’s neither here nor there, as we’re here for other reasons.

- Saw Tropic Thunder tonight and it was HILARIOUS. There’s slight buzz about this movie, due to Robert Downey Jr.’s blackface role. Truth be told, the role is supposed to be uncomfortable, as that’s part of the movie. Anyway, I really think that 2008 is shaping up to be the Year of the Downey, while Stiller whips out “Blue Steel” one more time, AKA you get the same from him as you’ve come to expect. One of the best parts of the movie is at the very beginning, with the faux trailers. Where else can you watch Iron Man put the moves on Spidey?

-So, I was driving home tonight, and “As Long As You Love Me”, by Backstreet Boys, came on the radio. Now, a lot of people already know this, but when I was 15 I was a boyband fanatic. I wasn’t gay for them or anything, but I kinda saw it as something that I could do one day. After all, boybands were popping up each week, but it wasn’t until O-Town (well, 5ive, if you count those bi-racial dudes) that we got a group with a black member. I always kinda wanted to be the first.

Anyway, “ALAYLM” was MY song. When I was all of 15 and lonely, I’d put that song on repeat and just think of how nice it would be to find a girl who just loves you for you. I’ve learned, in the 11 years since, that that song is a BIG case of “be careful what you wish for”. Sure, I wouldn’t care what they had done, as long as long as they loved me. Then, I got involved with a string of girls whose pasts I couldn’t get over. It turns out I did care. Whether it was drugs, promiscuity, or racial friction, I learned the hard way that, for me, it did matter where they were from and what they had done. So, that makes me shallow. Maybe I’m immature. At least I know who I am now. I learned that I hold myself to a certain standard, not that I’m better than anyone, but I have my expectations, as does everyone else. These days, I really think that song is 3 minutes and 42 seconds of bad advice. Sure, it’s got good intentions: don’t judge – love will find a way, but that’s bullshit. Love conquers a lot, but it don’t conquer all. Remember that.

- I believe that Hulu.com might be the greatest site on the internet. Not only did it introduce me to Joss Whedon’s full Dr. Horrible’s Sing-A-Long Blog (God, I wish I’d seen Rent when Neil Patrick Harris was in it!), but it also streams 2 things that I’ve been searching years for: Team Knight Rider and Son of the Beach Season 3. I’m sure that Universal will one day get around to releasing TKR (we just missed its 10th anniversary), but I doubt we’ll ever get a release of SotB Season 3. The first 2 seasons were released at the dawn of TV DVD releases, and the sales were pretty bad. I figure if That’s My Bush made it to DVD, we deserve to have a complete set of Son of the Beach! And California Dreams and USA High, while we’re at it!

Another gem on Hulu is the complete series of Young Hercules. The forgotten 3rd series in the Hercules/Xena Saga, it stars Ryan Gosling as a young Kevin Sorbo. Now, when Hercules: The Legendary Journeys began, I was kinda pissed because I didn’t feel that Sorbo was jacked enough. He had brawn, but I expected him to be built. Well, imagine how much worse it was when we were given scrawny-ass Ryan Gosling to play a younger version. I’m probably the biggest male Young Ryan Gosling fan., but I’m not quite sure this show was the best use of his talents. Forget The Notebook; that guy was oozing charisma on the Mickey Mouse Club. Sure, Britney, Justin and Christina went on to be stars first, but when you see Ryan, he knows he’s too good to be there and he just looks bored. Next, check out Breaker High, where he “out-Zack Morrises” Zack Morris. Anyway, Young Hercules is still a pretty damn good show, especially considering it was created for kids, to fill the timeslot following Power Rangers. I highly suggest you check it out if you’re a fan of the Action Pack shows.

- New Knight Rider series trailer released at San Diego Comic Con. Apparently, K.I.T.T. will transform into different Ford vehicles, he gains a new Super Pursuit Mode, and the Turbo Boost is coming back. I also love the new logo. That said, I still stand by the fact that this is not a network show. Sure, they’ll benefit from the larger budget, but this thing just feels like a Saturday afternoon syndicated show on your local CW affiliate- one of the bad shows, that used to come on between The Lost World and Mutant X. NBC, it’s no longer 1982! You don’t have Brandon Tartikoff at the helm anymore and that shit just won’t fly. Stop rehashing your old ideas! Next, they’ll be casting Dakota Fanning in a Punky Brewster remake, only they’ll make her an edgy runaway or something.

-Speaking of San Diego, maybe it’s just the way that it’s being reported, but I get the impression that this year’s con wasn’t so hot. The comic announcements were pretty mediocre, and the movie stuff surrounded projects we already knew about, such as Wolverine: Origins. I’m not hearing anything about record attendance, or even seeing any good pictures. I know blogs, like Newsarama, are moving to Video Blogs and Twitter feeds, but I’m just not really hearing anything necessarily positive about this year’s show.

-Can anyone tell me the whereabouts of Natalie Merchant? We haven’t heard from her in ages. Something tells me she’s busy in a cabin somewhere, cutting up magazines and creating death threat notes to send to Norah Jones.

-I simply had to share a conversation I had with Keith tonight. The power’s out in parts of Timonium, and I was trying to convince him that this was a sign for him to go hook up with this chick who’s clearly bad news (why do I want him messing with a girl who’s so bad? I like drama).
Keith: So, you’re trying to tell me that this is a sign from God that I should go hook up with this girl?

Me: Not “God” God. A lesser god. I think it’s the Egyptian god of pussy, Pusiris.

Well, I thought it was funny…

-I’ll end tonight with a note on family. A few weeks ago, I attended a family reunion on my dad’s side. While there, I learned that Buffy’s principal is my cousin. Yeah, the black one who banged Faith. Turns out David Bryant Woodside, AKA D.B. Woodside, AKA The Bad President Palmer, has got some West blood in him! That was pretty cool to hear. Too bad he wasn’t there. Also, today would’ve been my dad’s birthday. 82 years old. I shit you not. I hope to God I have my kids at a “normal” age…