14th Jun2013

West Week Ever – 6/14/13

by Will

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I blogged EVERY DAY this week, including an unplanned “Three Days of Justice”. I know daily posts aren’t a big deal for many sites, but they have a much larger readership than I do. Most of my readers won’t get through those for a month (including my wife, who has to be begged to read it). So, this is mostly a video post. Sit back, turn down your speakers, and enjoy the show!

I know this won’t appeal to most, but I was really fascinated by Dylan Sprouse’s account of why the Zack & Cody/The Suite Life franchise ended, as well as the aborted spinoff idea. Embedding’s disabled, so you can watch it here.


So, those Sunny credits noises actually mean something? They really love the color brown, I guess…


I finally got around to watching that McBain movie, which is pretty incredible. This has been around a good month, but just in case you didn’t know, the McBain scenes from The Simpsons actually form a complete movie, as seen above. I love continuity like that!


A hot song, with an even hotter video. This is what Ke$ha should be, were she not just taking whatever scraps Dr. Luke throws her way.


I can’t tell if I hate this or love it. It’s filled with every cliche in the book. At the same time, it’s a catchy pop tune under all the faux-metal stylings. I do, however, just wanna yell “Bitch, enough with the wind machine! Stand the fuck up!”

 

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Though the writing has gotten somewhat pedestrian lately, every now and then Grantland posts something that makes me say, “My God, I want to write for this site!” This is one of those posts. Rembert Browne ranks the Top 25 sitcom fonts of the 90s. He’s not wrong on any count, and the list is perfect.


I love this for obvious reasons that need no explanation at this point.


DO IT, ROCKAPELLA! And when you’re done, let’s meet back here and talk about dude’s hair…

That’s enough videos for this week. Oh, since it’s payday, be sure to buy something from Will’s World of Wonder!

This Week’s Posts

Thrift Justice – INS and Monsters!

Thrift Justice – Rocky and the Riders

Thrift Justice – Disney’s Addams Galactica

Adventures West Coast: DMZ

One is the last son of Krypton, the other is faster than a speeding bullet. One has been mistaken for birds and planes, while the other is the “Man of Steel”. Only one, however, could have the West Week Ever…right?

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What? You thought it was gonna be Microsoft? Go see Man of Steel, in theaters now!

11th Jun2013

Thrift Justice – Rocky and the Riders

by Will

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It hasn’t been all bad on the thrifting scene. Yesterday, I showed a bunch of stuff that I left behind, but I have been able to find a few gems lately. So, without further ado…

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I’m gonna lose the respect of a lot of y’all, but I’ve never seen this movie before. I’ve said before that I’m not a Movie Guy, and that’s the truth. Usually, however, I end up making up for it by watching them when they come on TV. Still, when does this come on? Is it a Halloween movie? A Christmas movie? Is this grounds for debate like whether or not Die Hard is a Christmas movie? Anyway, I couldn’t pass it up for under $2. I’ll just add it to the shelf of DVDs I Hope To Watch Before I Die.

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When this first came out, I thought it was pretty stupid. All these years later, I’m still not sure if my opinion has changed. What has changed, however, is the dawn of the Articulated Comic Book Art (#acba) genre. If you’re not big into Instagram, these are guys who pride themselves on taking really cool pictures of action figures, using unique lighting, dioramas, etc. While this is a bit of a lackluster playset, it would make a great ACBA backdrop. The only thing that sucks about it is the “Statue of Liberty” sign, as if no one knew without that.

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As you can see, it’s missing one of the head spires, but I’m not sure that’s really a big deal. That can be hidden well enough from the right angle. Still, I haven’t decided if I’m gonna keep it or sell it. Considering how much space it would take up in a Detolf, I’m leaning towards selling.

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This bad boy is complete., as I learned after 2 hours of parts inspection. Can you say “Cha-ching”?

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I own Arkham Asylum. Got it Black Friday. Haven’t even opened it. My 360 makes me feel guilty, as I have all these games to play, but spend all my time in thrift stores and working on these various sites. I mean, I haven’t even opened Injustice yet! Anyway, this came with the collector’s edition of Arkham Asylum, and you can see there’s a nice life-sized Batarang inside the case. I couldn’t pass this up for $4, so this is definitely in the Keep pile.

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I tried reading this 20 yrs ago when I was first getting into comics, and it bored the shit out of me. Over the years, however, all the industry muckety-mucks couldn’t stop praising it, so I didn’t hesitate to snatch it up when I saw it on the “Humor” shelf. Silly thrift store!

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Before we smelled what he was cooking, “Rocky Maivia” was more of a jester pinata. For those not in the know when it comes to the WWE, this is how The Rock looked when he debuted. This figure is from the pre-Mattel Jakks era, but I don’t care. My Undertaker collection has been discussed, but I also collect figures of other wrestlers I love, like The Rock, Brodus Clay, and AJ Lee. This guy’s going right up there on the shelf with them.

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This is a Kivat Belt from Kamen Rider Kiva – not that I knew that when I snatched it up. I happened to see it on the thrift store shelf, and I know Bandai products when I see them. So, immediately I knew it came from the sentai family, even if I didn’t know from where. Once I saw the Japanese on the battery compartment, I knew I’d hit paydirt (especially for $1.91!). It turns out these things have gone for around $60 online recently.

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Anyway, the Kivat is the transformation device in Kamen Rider Kiva. Since I’d never seen the show before, I decided  to watch the pilot on YouTube, and it made no sense whatsoever. We’re not here for a recap, but here’s what you need to know. The little bat guy is sentient and flies around. When it’s time for transformation, it bites the human on the finger, turning him into a Kamen Rider.

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The belt also included these power cell things. I’m sure some sentai fan will correct me in the comments as to their actual name. Originally, there were 6, but this one only had 2. When they’re placed in the Kivat’s mouth, he speaks Japanese and his eyes turn the corresponding color.

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The belt’s worn upside down, and when transformed, Kamen Rider Kiva looks something like this:

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Well, that’s it for this edition. Thanks for playing along, and we have a lovely parting gift in the form of the home edition of our game. Until next time!

31st May2013

West Week Ever – 6/1/13

by Will

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During a recent marathon, a sad thought occurred to me – who were the Golden Girls‘ friends before the show? They went from strangers to best friends in such a short amount of time. Now, this isn’t so uncommon, due to proximity and the amount of time they spent together. Still, what did they do before answering that ad on the grocery store bulletin board? Who listened to Rose’s St. Olaf stories? To whom did Blanche brag about her sexual conquests? To whom was Dorothy a bitch? OK, that was clearly Stanley Zbornak, but still… Once they became roommates, they became all that each other had. I’m glad they found each other, but it just makes me think about the elderly folks who don’t have a group of friends like that. I always joke that I was raised by the “Black Golden Girls”, and I don’t know what they’d do if they didn’t have each other. That’s not something I really like thinking about…

Last week, I told you about my trip to NJ, but I forgot to post my meager toy haul. You can’t have a road trip without toy stops!

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It appears the latest wave of Hot Wheels Pop Culture Collection cars have hit stores, as I didn’t even know these existed. They don’t get me as excited as the first series, but I had to have them for completion and all that. It seems like the cars in series 1 were iconic in spite of their movies, while series 2 seems to be comprised of obscure cars from hit movies/shows (with the exception of the Back to the Future DeLorean). I mean, I can’t even remember Axel Foley’s car, and this certainly isn’t the car that comes to mind when remembering Ferris Bueller. I think Hot Wheels is just fleecing us at this point, ’cause they know we’re completists.

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Out of the LEGO minifigures, only 3/5 were new figures for me. So, if anyone needs a Roman soldier or an Ogre, let me know!

I was cleaning the “store” and ran across some notes from Diamond. A really good quote that every prospective comic creator should know is:

“All these guys who want to do comics in the worst way do them the worst way.”

It means that a lot of small press comics come from a place of passion, yet there’s nothing professional about them. We used to call these “vanity projects”, as these guys really just wanted to walk into a comic shop and see their names on something. What they don’t realize is that their shop probably ain’t even gonna carry it unless the creator has a relationship with the shop owner. Passion is not a substitute for preparation. I think that’s valuable advice for many things in life.

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I’ve written about my love of SiriusXM before, but I have to gush about their newest channel, Comedy Central Radio. I was really into Raw Dog Comedy, but they were playing too many Andrew Dice Clay deep cuts. I do miss some of the regular shows, like the Alternative Comedy Show with Mark Says Hi, as well as Besser’s Back Room. That said, CCR plays selections from Comedy Central’s library – a lot of which I missed by not having cable growing up. They don’t seem to really play too much old stuff, though. Right now, there’s a lot of Tosh and Amy Schumer – just like the TV network. Still, I’m finally hearing bits that are new to me, as I was really getting tired of the constant loop of Carlos Mencia talking about Bill Clinton lying about the blowjob.

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I like to think I’m “in the know” when it comes to popular stuff, but I didn’t know a thing about Uniqlo until this week. I was reading a really old GQ (December 2011, to be exact), and there was a profile on The Unique Clothing Warehouse, now stylized as Uniqlo. Basically, they’re trying to out-H&M H&M and out-Gap The Gap. They don’t look at clothing as “fashion”, but rather as a necessary commodity. They feel everyone should have equal access to said commodities, so they keep prices low. So, their pricing is like H&M, but their styles are solids and wardrobe basics like those carried at The Gap. To hear the corporate culture of the place, though, it sounds like a cult. They have mantras like this:

Uniqlo is the elements of style.

Uniqlo is a toolbox for living.

Uniqlo is clothes that suit your values.

Uniqlo is how the future dresses.

Uniqlo is beauty in hyperpracticality.

Uniqlo is clothing in the absolute.

Anyway, I kinda wanna check out their clothes, but I know I’m still too fat for fashion. Nope, it’s just the TJ Maxx clearance rack until I lose another 20 lbs or so…

from the Marvel Cinematic Universe facebook page

from the Marvel Cinematic Universe facebook page

This image was released of The Winter Soldier from the set of the upcoming Captain America sequel. Say what you will, but I think it shows the weakness of the Captain America concept that the sequel is The Winter Solider. Don’t get me wrong – it’s an amazing saga, but it’s like doing the second Batman movie and making it about No Man’s Land. You kinda need to have established the world before jumping into those concepts. Winter Solider is Cap 3 material, not Cap 2. What would’ve been a better idea for Cap 2? I honestly don’t know. There aren’t a ton of iconic Cap storylines. I guess they could’ve done the one where he runs for President. Otherwise, a lot of his major character beats happened during Avengers stories.

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Oh, for those not familiar with the Winter Soldier, you saw the first movie, right? Remember when Bucky fell off the train? Well, in the comic, he’s not dead. The Soviets find him and turn him into this amazing assassin called The Winter Soldier. He has that name because he’s cryogenically frozen between jobs, so he’s been carrying out major assassinations over the past 60 years, and they just put him on ice until he’s needed. He’s brainwashed, so doesn’t remember being Bucky Barnes. So, that means half the movie will just be Cap vs. Bucky until they both realize who the other is. Maybe Cap 2 ends with Steve Rogers dying, so Bucky can take the shield in Cap 3. This is what happened in the comics, and I’m sure Marvel wouldn’t blink if contract negotiations don’t go well with Chris Evans next time everyone’s at the table.

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(The following was a Twitter rant, but I felt it bears repeating, especially for the fools who choose not to follow me.)

I’d explain my issues with Marvel’s Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D., but everyone’s excited about it, and nobody cares about the dissenter. Fine, here it goes. The problem is with it’s structure. It’s in the same universe as the movies. That’s HORRIBLE. On the one hand, it can debut characters not worth their own movie. On the other hand, no broad strokes can be made because it essentially has to “Dance between the raindrops of continuity” of the movies. This has NEVER been done before. Sure, you have spinoff shows, but never a spinoff operating concurrently with an ongoing FILM franchise. Even when Power Rangers did it, it wasn’t canon. Mighty Morphin Power Rangers: The Movie never happened as far as the show is concerned. And those are just my problems with structure. It doesn’t even get into the Whedon problems. He’s the Gail Simone of TV. He doesn’t have fans – he has DISCIPLES, and they’re never objective about his stuff. Just blind followers. Another issue is Coulson. He always seemed like a “less is more” character to me. Avengers was almost too much. I’m fine with shorts, but the last thing I want is a weekly one hour dose of him. It neuters his concept. Finally, you run into the Birds of Prey problem: no matter how much fans claim they’re fine with the characters they’re lying. They’re secretly hoping the big guys (Avengers) will show up, which will never happen.

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Did you know that Will’s World of Wonder is now on Facebook? Well, it is! Come on over and give us a Like. Also, don’t forget – now until 6/3, use coupon code “memorial” via Google Checkout for 20% off EVERYTHING. Please! My children need wine!

Meanwhile, go read this post that I wrote over at Cool & Collected filled with yard sale tips!

Fans demanded their return, while another made it so with a slice. One teabagger used to be a pimp, while another is giving Marion Barry’s legacy a run for its money. Only one, however, could have the West Week Ever!

This week was rough. I mean, Arrested Development rose from the ashes, but folks thought Patrick Stewart, at 73, ate his first slice of pizza. Meanwhile, James Lipton admitted to having been a pimp in Paris, and Toronto’s mayor smokes crack with reckless abandon! Who really deserves it?!

I enjoyed Arrested Development when it was on, but I was never a devoted fan. Also, I haven’t seen this new season yet. Patrick Stewart’s had pizza – he just hadn’t had a NY slice before, so that kills the wind in that sail. James Lipton celebrated the 250th episode of  Inside The Actor’s Studio AND admitted to Parade Magazine that he had been a pimp. With whores and everything! Meanwhile, Rob Ford is simply unstoppable. I haven’t done this before, but this week, I’m leaving the choice up to you, the reader! So, tell me: Who had the West Week Ever?

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UPDATE - In light of new information, a new player has entered the arena. I’d like to congratulate my bud, Howie Decker, and his wife on the birth of their second son, Lucas Daniel Decker. Forget all the celebrities – I think it’s safe to say the Deckers are having the West Week Ever!

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13th May2013

Monday Musings: Twouble With Twibbles

by Will

So, I’m not sure if anyone has noticed, but I’m on what my pal Howie calls a “Twitter Diet”. I’m not sure if it’s the new meds, or if it’s just me by myself, but a few bad apples have spoiled the bunch. I’ve had a few experiences in the past few weeks that may seem petty to some, but they were enough to just make me take a moment and deal with other stuff rather than quip about titties and Power Rangers 32 times a day.

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It all started about 2 weeks ago when a follower said that something I said about Iron Man 3 was a “silly question”. For the record, I said that it’s hard to go from the galaxy-spanning majesty of Avengers to the grounded Iron Man 3. While this is essentially a plot point, my argument was that Avengers opened a can of worms by bolstering the shared universe. It’s not out of the question to say, “Hey, the president’s in trouble, so where’s Captain America?” People online wanted to say that’s a trope of all comics, and the answer is generally “He’s dealing with his own shit.” I get that, but you’ve still got S.H.I.E.L.D. as a lynchpin of the whole universe, and there’s no mention of them whatsoever. I think that’s a glaring oversight in a movie that had other things I could easily forgive yet others could not.

Anyway, this follower was the Queen of the Misanthropes, and trying to have any sort of conversation with her is a chore. Everything sets her off, and she prides herself on shit like how she once basically knocked over an old lady on the sidewalk. Needless to say, she’s not the sweetest belle at the ball. My comment was to no one directly, but she decided to come out of the woodwork to call my observation “silly” and patted herself on the back. I could’ve been like, “Bitch, I know more about comics than you realize”, but I could still accept a differing viewpoint. Just don’t condescendingly call me silly when I’ve had to put up with tons of shit, from how she hates her coworkers, to her fitness progress. I’ve never called her silly, though I probably should’ve unfollowed her long ago. She’s essentially the female version of a follower I already had, and two was a certainly a crowd. People always laugh when I say this, but when you get deep into the world of social media, politics take over. You can’t unfollow people ’cause they’re friends with your friends, and then group conversations now have a glaring hole in them. She took the initiative and blocked me, which was a relief. Even if temporary, I don’t have to deal with that anymore, nor do I have to strategize how to get rid of her. It’s the age old trick of getting your girlfriend to dump you so you don’t have to do it. I used to be EXCELLENT at that. So, that was strike one.

Next, I had a bit of a tete-a-tete with black commentator Roland Martin. I only watch TV One for Martin reruns, so I really don’t know much about what he does. I just know A) he got in trouble for somewhat homophobic remarks after the Super Bowl and B) he has his own line of ascots. Anyway, I’m gonna blame @Classickmateria for this, as I probably wouldn’t even have noticed this had he not retweeted it. Martin has since deleted the exchange, but luckily Twitter forgets nothing:

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Now, let me give some context here. I’m willing to admit I opened this can of worms. My problem was this: he didn’t congratulate EVERYONE in the movie. No, he went for Don Cheadle, with that whole “black supports black” mentality. I’ve already detailed my issues with Cheadle as Rhodes, but this wasn’t even about that. It was clear there was a bit of bias here, and it you’re gonna congratulate someone, congratulate them all. Those box office returns weren’t built on the back of Don Cheadle. He’s not the one who just started negotiating his future with the Marvel Studios film universe. I feel like I called a spade a spade, and I kept going because of his whole elementary school-style rebuttals. Here’s the irony, and don’t think I don’t see it: I called his opinion silly. The same thing I got mad at the aforementioned person. Here’s the difference – Martin and I don’t follow each other. I guess, as a stranger, he deserves a modicum of respect, but not as much required by my circle of “friends”. She had found herself in said circle, and didn’t respect the “code”. Anyway, I know his went way too far, and it was my fault for getting caught up in it. Strike two.

On Friday, the twitter account for TokuNation set me off due to shoddy journalism (NOTE: Tokusatsu is the name for the Japanese shows that give us the footage used for Power Rangers, Masked Rider, etc. We’ve discussed this before). Long story short, this is the 20th anniversary of Power Rangers in America, and fans felt that faces from the past should be involved. Saban heard this, and half-assedly reached out to former rangers to see if they’d be a part of the proceedings. The problem is that they’re still non-Union, so they’re only offering something like $100, and the trip to New Zealand. Fans first got mad at the actors for declining, but once they saw the form letter email that was sent out, they then turned that anger on Saban. “Why is he so cheap?”, etc. At the end of the day, however, there’s only one ranger that everyone wants to see: Tommy, the original Green Ranger (then White Ranger/Red Ranger/Black Ranger). The actor, Jason David Frank, already put his foot in his mouth earlier by saying he’d do it for $1. Yes, 1 American dollar. He’s all tatted up now, so he figured he wouldn’t be getting the call. He was wrong. Remember, Saban likes being CHEAP. So, Friday, Toku Nation tweeted this:

tokunationNow, for more backstory. Frank was scheduled to appear at a convention, but cancelled due to a filming conflict. This convention is scheduled for the same weekend as the Power Rangers filming. So, TokuNation took this as a confirmation. This is NOT confirmation. It’s speculation with persuasive evidence, but confirmation is either an email OR it’s “straight from the horse’s mouth”. The word “confirmation” clearly does not mean what TokuNation thinks it means. I said as much here, and check their reply:

toku 2Um…so they’re essentially saying they’re trying to turn the tides of all the negative news by getting some good news out there. Even if it’s not true. I told them this is how rumors and lies get started, but they were done with me and my retorts. I was ashamed of myself for how upset this made me, so this was Strike three.

I’ve said before that I consider my twitter followers to be my “friends”. I’m closer to a lot of people on there than I am in real life. That said, I’m also noticing the evolution of some twitter “enemies”. That’s the dark side of all this, and I’m as much as fault as anyone else because I seem to be creating my own enemies. That’s kinda sad. So, I need to take a step back. I’m not going anywhere, but I’m not going to be monitoring my feed 24/7, like Martian Manhunter on monitor duty. I can’t let this consume me, ’cause it’s supposed to be fun, right? I’ll still be around, but for the time being, most of my tweets will either be replies or tweets pimping my warez. Unless ya miss me. I’m a whore like that. I’ll come back lickity-split!

08th May2013

Thrift Justice: YSE – Back To School

by Will

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Yes, it’s back – Thrift Justice: Yard Sale Edition. It’s all in the name, folks. The sun is shining, garage doors are opening, and the baseball cards are overpriced. It’s yard sale season, kids! I actually started hitting sales about a month ago, but I haven’t really gotten much worthy of a blog post (except that awesome McDonalds playset you probably saw Joe Colton shooting up on Instagram – add me: williambrucewest). Last weekend was noteworthy for another reason. You see, my thrifting buddy, “Special Forces”, actually just moved into my apartment complex. So, I asked if he wanted to come along, and he replied “Absolutely.” Seeing as how it was also Free Comic Book Day, as well as the monthly Civitan Flea Market, we had a busy day ahead of us.

At the first sale, I ended up being guilted into buying an ass-old World Atlas. The lady was giving me the hard sell, and all I could say was, “Look at all the countries that no longer exist!” Still, it was only $2, and I’m a sucker for a nice wall map, which was included with the atlas. No pics, ’cause you don’t care. Trust me.

Next, we hit up a community sale going on at an elementary school. Man, was this sale perfect! After parking, I immediately saw a table surrounded by 7 yr old boys, and I knew I’d hit paydirt (No MJ!). These kids are the age to have owned the stuff I’m after. It also helped that they had a framed All-Star Batman and Robin: The Boy Wonder poster leaning against the table. I immediately started picking through a tub on the ground, which was filled with action figures. I grabbed all the DC stuff I could find, while the boys tried to have a conversation with me. One tried to give me the hard sell on a Simpsons season 9 DVD set. He knew the retail price and everything! I told him I was going to pass, but thanks. I noticed a lot of Superman stuff, and asked, “So, are you guys Superman fans?” One replied, “Yeah, we were when we were little.” I mentioned they were 7, right? It’s cute how much kids want to be older; it’s nothing but stress and taxes – you don’t want none of this, kid! While picking through the box, the dad tells me that they actually just sold a set of the “big Justice League figures” to someone before I got there. I don’t know if he meant the 10″ or if he meant DC Universe Classics. That’s gonna bother me for weeks to come. Then, one kid said, “There are other Justice League guys somewhere.” He disappeared, and came back with a small tub filled with DC Super Heroes Superman, Batman, and Bizarr0. I snatched up the latter two, and threw them in the back the dad provided me. Here’s what I ended up with:

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Oh, and I remember the Batman poster I mentioned, well…

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The wife was PISSED! The kids and dad couldn’t really figure out a price. Dad said $2 each, but mom jumped in and said she had paid about $50 from AllPosters.com ’cause they frame them and send them to ya. Not sure if they were fighting or if Dad was deaf, ’cause I got them both for $4. I didn’t even need it, as I have the retailer version of the poster (which is the same size), but it was such a beautiful frame job, and I couldn’t pass up that price! I grabbed my spoils, and basically ran before they changed their mind. SF didn’t get anything at that sale, so off we went to find more stuff!

Since the elementary school had been so successful, we decided to stick with the education theme, and we hit up a high school having a sale. They were raising money for their marching band, and I figured they’d be just old enough to want to get rid of their toys because they were “too old for them now”. A) the sale sucked B) the dork manning the toy area said something I hate: “Are these for your kids?” Look, I understand that it’s a valid question, but I feel we live in a world today where that’s almost as bad as asking a woman if she’s pregnant. Does it matter if they’re for my kids? Sometimes, I’ve gone along with the “lie”, and said “Yeah”, but then they usually ask me how old my kids are, and I stand there stuttering. Yes, I’m either buying this for me, or I might resell it, but we’re not here for my life story. We’re here for my dollars and your “junk”.

Anyway, since the sale sucked, we continued on to a neighborhood sale that claimed it was going to have 30+ families. Once we got there, it became apparent that our lack of knowing Japanese might hurt us. Everyone there was Japanese, and looked at us like “Where did you come from?” Still, I like Japanese stuff (sentai!), so I didn’t care. Almost immediately, SF picked up a Kamen Rider OOOs game thing. I describe it as such because we still don’t know what it is. It had cards and tokens, and little figurines, and was boxed like a board game. Still, my eBay searches have proved fruitless in identifying it. He also picked up some of those plug-n-play joystick games. After rummaging through some boxes, I found these:

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If you’ve been here before, you know I like Power Rangers. My favorite season, however, was Power Rangers: RPM which was based on the Japanese Engine Sentai Go-Onger. These are essentially yearbooks to the series, highlighting all the characters and tech from the show. Despite finding his Kamen Rider game, said he was so jealous that I found these. I’d promise to show y’all the interiors at a later date, but I always suck at fulfilling that promise.

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After finishing up at that sale, we decided to take the trip down to Arlington for the flea market. Bottom line, it sucked this month. It sucked so bad that I probably won’t go back until around September or so. Everything either wasn’t up my alley or it was overpriced. I wish I had taken a pic of the messed up Marvel Legends Dr. Strange that a woman had the gall to charge $2 for. If you think that’s not too high, look at this Chris Jericho figure to see the quality of her wares:

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WHAT HAPPENED TO Y2J?!!!! It’s like he was the victim of a bulldog gone HORRIBLY wrong! And she was charging money for this that didn’t have “cents” in the price.

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This was another swindle. I’ve run into this a lot since this yard sale season started. Resellers, take note: if you’re going to completely overcharge for something you found in a thrift store, at least have the decency to remove the thrift store’s price from it before you try to sell it. Look in the lower left side corner, where it says “$1.61″. Yeah, I know that price, because it’s the same charcoal pencil used by the thrift store I frequent. If she got it on a Monday or Thursday, it only cost her $1.20. She, however, wanted $15. I don’t begrudge her, as that’s not an insane asking price, but it’s a matter of laziness and lack of professionalism. Then again, it is a flea market, so maybe I expect too much…

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I almost pulled the trigger on these. I used to have the whole Dick Tracy series except for The Brow and The Blank, but never found the cars. Forever, I thought maybe they were an urban legend. I eventually say one in the wild, but it was too high. This guy was only charging $30 per car, which wasn’t too bad at all. I only had $30 with me, though, and I didn’t want to blow it all on one thing. So, I left them there. Not really regretting it, but they were still awesome to see. Of course, once I finally did buy something, I got swindled.

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Few people know this about me (especially online, since I only rant about toys and comics), but I’m a bit of a watch whore. I’ve been this way since I was 2, and I just LOVE watches. Most people replace the battery when their watches stop, but I just buy a new watch. I go through watches the way most people go through cell phones. I just love them, and I love getting new, unique ones. So, I was intrigued when I saw the watch above. The girl at the table said it was an LED watch, and tried to show me the sample. Unfortunately, someone had dropped it, so the LEDs didn’t work so well. I thanked her, and SF and I moved on to where we saw the Dick Tracy cars. Once that was done, I went back to the watch table, and the husband was there now. I asked a few more questions, and sensing my skepticism, he said he’d sell me the sample for $5 instead of the $10 they charged for new ones. I said, “No, someone dropped the sample! She just told me that.” He assured me that he was actually wearing that one, and had just opened the sample once he got back to the table. I searched the girl’s face to see if “fear of a beating/a smirk” crept across her visage. I couldn’t read her, so I agreed to the $5. He even said, “You can test it if you want”, but I was so tired of the place, I just said “I trust you” and I left. Stupid, stupid Will…

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How it works: push the button on the side, and the time is supposed to show up in LEDs inset in the band. First off, it’s not a watch you can really wear in the daylight. Nor can you wear it in the rain. Once I tested it, I realized this was the sample. Oh, that’s supposed to read “12:55″ up there. Then, I looked at the manual, and realized it was probably shitty to begin with. Forget dropping it – this thing is crappy through its mere existence. Look at this shit:

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If the manual to your new anything reads like a spam comment on a blog, you might’ve gotten swindled!

In all, it was a good weekend, but you’ve just seen the low points of our travels. Oh, and I lost Free Comic Book Day trivia. Apparently, I didn’t know where Dr. Strange was born. SF told me he wasn’t sure he wanted me to give him a ride after my loss. So, I left him there! No, I didn’t. Or did I?

06th May2013

Monday Musings: Underestimating Batman’s Sheer Brutality

by Will

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Confused by the title? That’s really just me using a bunch of words to say “Batman’s a badass.” More appropriately, he’s a dangerous badass. In recent years, especially due to his many cartoons and animated appearances, two things have become prevalent about Batman: he doesn’t use guns AND he doesn’t kill. That’s all well and good, but this had led somewhat to what you might call “the Pussification of the Bat”. People seem to forget that there are fates worse than death, and Batman has dealt out this kind of justice time and time again. After all, why else would criminals be afraid of him? Anyway, this is just my way of saying that Chris Sims isn’t the only one devoting more thought that necessary to the legacy of Batman.

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One thing that leads folks to forget about Batman’s brutality is his public persona. I’ve said it time and time again, but Batman doesn’t really work as a public character. It’s not in his best interest to be in a group like the Justice League because it not only requires him to go out in daylight, but it also makes him look like a hero. Yes, Batman works alongside the GCPD, but he shouldn’t be seen as a “hero” – at least not the same way that Superman, Flash, and Wonder Woman are seen. If your primary goal is to strike fear into the hearts of criminals, you’re not going to accomplish much when you’re publicly known as Superman’s friend. Sure, criminals might be afraid of his powerful friends in that case, but they wouldn’t necessarily be afraid of him. That’s why I feel Batman works better when he’s considered an urban legend.

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The comics go back and forth on this, but his most effective “mode” is when the majority of Gotham see Batman as the boogeyman. He’s not necessarily “real”, and he’s seen more as a story told to frighten. He doesn’t operate in the daylight as his 60s predecessor did, and the only ones to actually see him are frightened victims and criminals caught in the act. Sure, he fights Arkham villains, but most of his time is spent dealing with street level thugs and henchmen. He never really inflicts much damage on a Penguin or Joker, but he does all sorts of terrible things to their henchmen. This is why “The Bat” is only discussed in frightened whispers amongst that set. He may not kill, but he leaves them with more than memories. The cartoons depict a Batman who ends things with one punch, but that’s not true of the Urban Legend Defender of Gotham. The “real” Batman operates from the shadows. He tends to leave thugs unable to walk, in traction, or worse – usually dependent upon the severity of the crime. Just look at this example:

Batman Thug

And that’s just Comic Batman. Don’t even get me started on the movies. Cinematic Batman hasn’t even clung to the “doesn’t use guns” thing, so surely some of those thugs died – if not, they wish they were dead! Let’s go back to the very first Tim Burton movie. When Batman is fighting his way up the belltower, thugs are being knocked off and thrown down the shaft. This isn’t Spider-Man, where he quickly webs up a safety net, so they’re stuck until the police arrive. The Joker Thug body count was at least at 3 by the end of that movie.

Taken from http://batmancity.over-blog.com/article-batman-the-movie-series-2-145-leap-from-the-belltower-topps-usa-1989-58578862.html

Taken from http://batmancity.over-blog.com/article-batman-the-movie-series-2-145-leap-from-the-belltower-topps-usa-1989-58578862.html

And before that, he blew up the whole chemical plant – you know, the one that surely had a night crew in it, even if they weren’t all thugs.

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Taken from chickslovethecar.com

Speaking of the Batmobile, it had guns, and there’s no confirmation they were rubber bullets. Yes, Batman gets in his car and shoots the fuck out of people! NOW do you understand why criminals are scared of him?

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Taken from the ComicsAlliance Batman ’89 review where they were bewildered by the same thing

In Batman Begins, he made no real attempt to save Ra’s Al Ghul, AT ALL.

"Use of of your 'many talents' to save you from THIS, asshole!"

“Use one of your ‘many talents’ to save you from THIS, asshole!”

Finally, if you doubt Batman’s brutality, play Arkham Asylum or Arkham City for just five minutes. I worked at TRU when the first AA demo came out, and I almost needed a towel while playing that thing! The bones crunching beneath your fists, the noises being made. Bottom line: Batman ain’t playing around!

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So, what have we learned today? Well, first off, they say Batman won’t kill you, but that’s only true if no one’s filming it. Also, even if he lets you live, he will Fuck. Your. Shit. Up. And something tells me the DC Universe doesn’t have Obamacare yet…

03rd May2013

West Week Ever – 5/3/13

by Will
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Who had the West Week Ever? Read on to find out!

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So, I saw Iron Man 3 last night. No spoilers here, but I enjoyed it. I realized something about the franchise as a whole: I never thought I’d say this, but I prefer Terence Howard’s Rhodey to Don Cheadle’s. Even though their relationship ebbs and flows, Tony and Rhodey aren’t the buddy cop movie that they are in the Cheadle movies. Cheadle’s kind of a simp (check urban dictionary if you don’t know what that means). Give him a suit, and he’s happy. Howard, however, gave a little more push-back, more resistance with Tony, which is more inline with the character. Plus, Howard felt more like a military man, while Cheadle feels like an off duty cop. You don’t get the same sense of decorum from him, and he’s out of his uniform more than he’s in it. Howard recently said that Cheadle was always the first choice, and that his agent had gotten him the role. That’s why he wasn’t too upset when he was recast. Still, I have to think the casting director thought they’d be getting House of Lies Don Cheadle, when they instead got Golden Palace Don Cheadle. Other than that, I’ve got no major fanboy quibbles with the film. We’ll discuss more once everyone’s seen it.

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Speaking of comic book movies, Justin Aclin wrote a great post about colorblind casting in superhero movies. If you didn’t know, a rumor surfaced this week that black actor Michael B. Jordan is being courted to play Johnny Storm in the Fantastic Four reboot. Just like with the Donald Glover/Amazing Spider-Man controversy, there’s a bunch of “Why are you making him black? He’s white! I’m not racist for saying that! He’s always been white!” Well, maybe that’s why the franchise doesn’t work. I actually liked the last two Fantastic Four movies because A) I didn’t expect much and B) they were comic accurate, as they were just as boring as the books. I swear, I don’t care how you try to jazz them up, the Fantastic Four concept is boring as fuck. They’re sold as “Marvel’s First Family”, but they’re only interesting when they’re dysfunctional. My very first issue was when Sue redesigned her costume to make it more revealing so that Reed would notice her. Here she was, the MILF of the Marvel Universe, and her husband didn’t even pay attention to her.  That was interesting. Instead, they do a bunch of boring shit now. Maybe it’s the state of the world, or I’m a huge cynic, but I’d probably enjoy it more if they were constantly in need of family counseling with Doc Samson or something. The boring, white, milquetoast family just doesn’t interest anyone anymore. So I say make him black. Stir the pot a little. Hell, cast Jaden Smith if ya want. And make Reed Richards from India. Not all smart guys are white, and comedian Russell Peters taught us you can have an Indian dude with a Western name.

The greatest trick the devil ever played was convincing us that Coolio was ever a “gangsta”.

On a related note, who the fuck is L.V., and whatever happened to him? Oh, he was shot? I guess he was the gangsta referenced in the song!

Jack Diamond

This will only interest local folks, but it’s worth discussing. Last Saturday, after 24 years on the air, local DJ Jack Diamond was canned from his morning show. This is a big deal, as he was an institution around here. He had the show for 24 years! Hell, most radio stations flip formats after 4. I discovered him just as I was catching up to contemporary music.

A lot of people know this, but I listened to country from birth til about the age of 10. I got out just before Garth Brooks, which is why I don’t get the hype, nor do I chime in with all the drunks when they start singing “Friends In Low Places”. At this point in time, it may be hard to believe, but there was no real “pop”. Sure, there was NKOTB, but most of that stuff played on stations we’d now label “adult contemporary” (a post for another time, but “pop” didn’t really make a comeback until around ’95). I used to carpool with a teacher at school, and she’d listen to Jack Diamond’s show. Jack’s sidekicks were Barbara Britt and Bert. The inside joke of the show was that they only had “7 beloved listeners”. They had normal morning show banter, but it was safe for kids, and there were no cheater scams or sex tales. I loved it so much that I went home and changed my radio’s dial to Jack’s station. I used to sleep with the radio on, so I got used to Don Henley and Wilson Philips singing me to sleep and waking me up. Eventually, “pop” would make its triumphant return, and I’d move to stations that played that music. I left Jack Diamond behind, and eventually Barbara and Bert left, too. Jack got new sidekicks and kept chugging along. Over the past year, I’d heard rumblings about contract disputes, but never thought it was serious. Meanwhile, the story got Shakespearean. You see, Bert spent the last 10 yrs or so building his name in Atlanta – basically becoming as big a star there as Jack is here. So, imagine everyone’s shock last Saturday when it was announced that not only was Jack fired, but Bert would be taking over his show. The student becomes the master. Anyway, I wish Jack well. I’d heard he was kind of a dick, but I wouldn’t expect anything less from a local celebrity. I’m sure he’ll land on his feet somewhere, but it’s a sad day for DC radio.

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Last weekend, I had to go to Ocean City for some mega birthday weekend for some of Lindsay’s friends. On Saturday, we went out to dinner, but as we pulled into the parking lot, we noticed what appeared to be a young couple putting their child in their trunk. Immediately, I knew the dad was a douche because he was wearing salmon pants. For you folks “secure in your masculinity”, that means “pink”. The girls were in a hurry to drink, so we didn’t linger. Once inside, we tried to verify amongst ourselves that we had all seen what we thought we had seen. The couple came in, and dude was drunk as shit. Oh yeah – there was no kid with them. So, we start wondering “Did they put the kid in the trunk so they could keep drinking?” Pink Pants was shitfaced, and his wife just had a doting headshake about her, kinda like a 50s sitcom mom. PP started talking to the folks in our group, but no one would ask about the kid. I really wanted to know, ’cause he might be running out of air. I forgot to mention that we all work for schools, so, technically, we’ve got to report this kind of thing to CPS. The problem is that we had NO PROOF. Eventually, someone asked him and he got really pissed. He said something like, “Yeah, I shoved him down in there”, and we couldn’t tell if he was joking or not. At this point, I decided to take a cue from Spider-Man: “Sorry, man. Not my problem.” Of course, this means Pink Pants would later kill my uncle. Eventually, a girl in their group screamed, “You’re an embarrassment!” at PP. They left soon afterwards. Once they were gone, I said a quiet prayer: “Everyone has a moment to be a hero, and I chose to ignore mine. I treated it like a bus, figuring another would come along. Anyway, RIP Trunk Kid.” Later that night, we saw the couple pull up to Seacrets in a cab. Still, no kid with them. So, either they left him with the grandparents, or they simply got tired of the smell…

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Did I go too far there? Good, ’cause I needed to brace you for another controversial thought. This will probably keep me from ever running for public office, but here it goes. Dear homeless women: YOU’RE DOING IT WRONG! I staunchly believe that there should be no such thing as a homeless woman. Due to sexual politics, no woman should ever find herself out on the streets for a prolonged period of time. Why is that? Well, I’m glad you asked. The world is FULL of quiet, soft-spoken, possibly ugly, lonely men. These aren’t the guys who are trolling bars for minge. No, these are the guys who lived with their mother until she died, and now they don’t know what to do with themselves. They’re used to being taken care of, but don’t really know how to fill that void. If I were a woman who was either homeless, or felt an onset of homelessness on the way, I would seek out these men, and I’d be just fine. Some of you are probably saying, “But you’d be using him, and that’s not cool.” We’d actually be using each other. I would cook for him and do whatever else, and we would take care of each other’s needs. “But you wouldn’t love him!” Let’s be mature about this. The western concept of love is some Hollywood bullshit. Everyone wants that story of “I was in the supermarket, and we both reached for the same cantaloupe!” That’s sweet, but what I’m describing is not much different from an arranged marriage. I feel like two things might happen: A) you’d actually be into him instantly OR B) you’d learn to love him. I’m not saying you have to be in love with him, but you’d still come to respect him for what he had done in your life. Sex isn’t everything. Hell, if I had to bang an old man every couple of weeks, instead of fending off rapists and getting a meth addiction on the streets, I say, “Saddle up, grandpa!” The man put a roof over your head, let you drive his car, and kept you safe. You would fucking learn to love and appreciate him. Believe that!

Links I Loved
c2e2 2013 Round Up! (The Robot’s Pajamas)

Team Hellions UnderScoopFire! Takeover (Team Hellions/UnderScoopFire!)

(Aunt) May Day (Cold Slither Podcast)

Reunited with an Uncanny piece of my past… (Branded In The 80s)

This Week’s Posts
Monday Musings – Mutation Inconsistencies in the 80s TMNT Universe

Thrift Justice – That Figures

And be sure to check out Will’s World of Wonder for all your action figure and collectible needs!

One of them is old-timey “happy” to be playing basketball, while another just lost his morning job. One just sold her staged “sex tape” to Vivid for $1M, while the other is Iron Man. But only one could have the West Week Ever.

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You know who he is. He’s Iron Man! In the words of Stan “The Man” Lee, “Nuff Said!” This is why Robert Downey Jr/Tony Stark had the West Week Ever.

02nd May2013

Thrift Justice – That Figures

by Will

thriftj

I’m an action figure guy. That really shouldn’t be a surprise to anyone, but just in case you’re new here, I thought I’d let you in on that little tidbit. So, when thrifting, the main thing I’m looking for is some sort of cool action figure – usually to fill holes in my many odd collections. Here are a few I’ve found recently.

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Everyone remembers the various Playmates Star Trek lines, but the earlier Galoob TNG series gets no love.  Released in 1988, these 4-ish inch figures depicted all of the bridge crew (except Counselor Troi). There was even a role play Phaser and a shuttlecraft playset. When the line first came out, my mom bought my Riker and the Phaser from People’s Drug (it was the precursor to CVS in the DC area). I loved that Phaser, but it went through HELL. I still have it, but it doesn’t have a prayer of working, and I lost ever part that could be lost on it. Anyway, due to a time rift, Riker traveled back in time to fight alongside the G.I. Joes. Later on, I got Picard from a friend, and he joined Riker in his 20th century adventures. So, when I saw Worf (in his rare Lt. JG colors), I had to snatch him up. The odd thing about these figures was that their Phasers were molded into their hands. This is fine for Away Team missions, as they’re always at the ready. In bridge scenarios, however, it’s like everyone’s expecting a Shakespearean ending to things.

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This is probably the only Wonder Woman villain who matters. Get away from me, The Mary Sue! You know it’s true. Anyway, I bought the “classic” Cheetah, as she’s the one who resonated with me from the old Secret Society of Supervillains comic. I really had no desire to buy this one, but I found her for a dollar, so why not?

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I’ve mentioned it a ton of time, but The Undertaker is my favorite WWE character. A lot of people are over him, but that’s exactly why I love him: his gimmick has no idea still “working” in the current WWE climate. It’s like when kids are way too old to still believe in Santa, yet their parents still go along with it (I was that kid, btw). The current WWE Universe is comprised of stars who USE THEIR REAL NAMES! If I were a wrestler, I’d probably be Bruce Williams or some shit like that. Yet, in the midst of all of these steroid case prettyboys, there’s a dude who we’re still supposed to believe comes from Hell, has a mangled brother, gets his power from an urn, and continues to return from the dead more times that Jesus, Jean Grey, and Wolverine combined! Anyway, the larger figure hails from the late Jakks era, after Taker married Sara, hence the neck tattoo. I’ve said it a thousand times, but my favorite Undertaker quote comes from the WWE Unscripted coffee table book. They ask him, “Given the success rate of wrestling marriages, what happens if you break up?” Even though it’s in print, you can still hear his voice saying it: “I guess I’ll have to find another girl named Sara.” Well, they did break up, but his next girl was named Michelle, and he had the tattoo removed. Next to him is a mini Taker who came from one of those little playsets. I just like him ’cause his tiny tongue is hanging out like a puppy.

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I never really collected a ton of Batman: The Animated Series toys while they were out. There were too many overlapping toylines, so I was still busy with the Batman Returns line when B:TAS debuted, and then I moved on to Power Rangers. Still, today’s kids have got no love for the show, as there have been 2 other animated Batman incarnations since then. So, these are kinda plentiful in thrift stores today. Usually, it’s just a bunch of beat up Jokers, but every now and then you can find a Scarecrow, or a Man Bat, or even a Catwoman. So, I’m currently fortifying my villains. I already had Riddler, Joker, and Two-Face from the old days, but I’ve since picked up Man Bat, Catwoman, Penguin, and this guy right here.

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I like Iron Man armors. I wasn’t always that way. Like most comic fans, I didn’t give a shit about Tony Stark until those movies started coming out. Then, I went back and read the “iconic” Iron Man stories (which reminds me – I really need to start doing Adventures West Coast again!), and realized I had been wrong. So, I’ve found myself buying up all the various armor figures I find. I think I have all of the 4″ Iron Man 2 Comic Series figures, and I’ve snatched up an cheap Marvel Legends I can find. I kinda hate that Rhodey’s missing his mask, but it’s still a cool figure.

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MEGO! I got this thing for $2. I was so shocked when I saw him, and snatched him off the peg. I couldn’t believe I’d gotten an authentic Mego, in pretty good shape for such a low price. I couldn’t wait to get on Twitter and boast to all of my followers about him. Until I got him home. You see, his left knee is busted, but you could really tell outside of the suit. So, he casually sits around, hoping that trouble comes to him. Still, he’s a good looking figure!

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I recently said that I secretly collect Marvel Legends movie figures, but that wasn’t the whole story – I also collect ML X-Men. As long as they’re not retail, I’ll pretty much buy anyone who’s even tangentially related to the X-Men franchise. This Storm has some stray marker streaks on her, but she knew what to expect when she left home wearing white after Labor Day!

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Yay! Power Rangers! ‘Cause we don’t talk about them nearly enough on this site. Anyway, I hate the price point of the 4″ figures, so I only buy them used or in gift sets. That explains Super Samurai Green, Dekker, and Samurai Yellow. As for RPM Red, there’s another weird collection I have. Ya see, I used to buy each season’s team, but I got to an age where I didn’t care as much and fell behind. Still, the key ranger in ANY team is the red one. So, if I come across the Red Ranger for a series I don’t already have, I buy him. One day, I may continue to fill out that team, but Red’s really the only one who matters. And the big Lost Galaxy Red is a Super Legends figure, with the same articulation as the MMPR Red figure that’s currently hard to find in stores. He’s got some play wear, but if you’ve ever watched that season, the “battle damage” is on par with what Leo put that suit through.

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Finally, we’ve got the 6″ Flame On Human Torch from the FF movie line. Again, this is Marvel Legends compatible, and he was $1. So I had to get him, and now my FF team is complete!

So, there ya have it. What figures do y’all collect? Be sure to share that in the comments!

26th Apr2013

West Week Ever – 4/26/13

by Will

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I wanna start things off with a grammar lesson. Actually, it’s more of a grammar pet peeve, but I hate the phrase “pet peeve” – what the fuck is a “peeve”? Sounds like a lady problem. Anyway, I try to stay away from grammatical issues, as I think everyone has a blind spot. Lord knows I don’t always have the period within the quotation marks, nor do I say everything properly. Still, this is an epidemic that MUST be stopped: the improper use of and I.

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Back in the late 90s, and I wasn’t being used properly. In fact, it really wasn’t being used much at all. Everyone was using and me. Suddenly, a bumper crop of Grammar Nazis appeared. Whenever someone would say, “Kelly and me are going to the mall”, a Grammar Nazi would pop up and, in a condescending tone, say “Kelly and I are going to the mall.” The original speaker would usually roll her eyes, and respond with a curt “Whatever.” Pretty soon, it seemed like the Grammar Nazis had a recruitment drive, as the began to pop up everywhere. They were in coffee shops, PTA meetings, even at the bank! Eventually, the Grammar Nazis won, but that victory came at a price.

You see, once it was ingrained in people’s heads that and I was sometimes the suitable choice, these people began to use it ALL the time. It’s like and me no longer existed, as they were scared of the Grammar Nazis, even though they had already moved on to other things, like correcting there/their/they’re on the Internet. Soon, it became common to hear someone say something like, “Grandma gave $20 to Timmy and I.” Or “She was speaking to Christy and I.” NO! This is wrong. You see, here’s something to keep in mind: how would you say it if there was no other person involved in the situation? You wouldn’t say “Grandma gave $20 to I”, nor would you say “She was speaking to I.” In both cases, you would use ME. So, when someone else is added to the mix, YOU WOULD STILL USE ME! “Grandma gave $20 to me/Grandma gave $20 to Timmy and me”. It’s that simple. Just take a second to think about it before you say it, and eventually it’ll happen without you even needing to think about it. And by NO MEANS, should you ever say and I’s. I’ve actually heard things, like “My wife and I’s commute is usually 3 hours.” NO! This one is a bit more tricky. It should be “My wife’s and my commute…” Got it? Good.

So, who’s ready for some pop culture?

I rarely have to do this, but I need to issue a correction about something I wrote earlier this week. You see, I said that Psych-Out was my first G.I. Joe figure, but that’s not entirely true. There’s a caveat to that: he’s my first G.I. Joe to survive. Let me take you back a little.

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I’ve said it before, but I wasn’t exactly a G.I.Joe kid growing up – at least not as much as my friends on Twitter. I think it’s because most of them are about 4-5 years older than me, so it was more prominent in their formative years. I, actually, grew up on the much-derided DiC era of Joe (Got! To get! Tough! Yo! Joe!). Sometimes, I’d rent the older episodes from Erol’s Video (this was pre-Blockbuster, in the DC area), but I know more about Metal Head and Ski Weekend Snake Eyes than I do about the MASS Device and the USS Flagg. My formative Joe years were around the ages of 10 and 11, while they were more 5-8 for other folks. So, when the earlier toys were on shelves, I didn’t exactly have a frame of reference, and didn’t go near them.

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Around the late 80s, my cousin came from Mississippi to live with us, as she thought it would be easier to get a job in DC. When she’d go off on business trips, I’d always beg her to bring me something back. I meant a souvenir, but I think she just stopped at a KMart before getting on the bus. So, one time she came back, and she had brought me the L.C.V. Recon Sled. I didn’t know anything about G.I. Joe at the time (I was about 5 at this time, and didn’t watch a lot of cartoons), but it looked cool. The only problem was that I didn’t have any figures to drive it. Looking at the box, it appeared to be driven by a guy wearing a baseball jersey. In my mind, that meant that the Recon Sled must have been his personal vehicle. So, I told my mom I had to have that particular guy. Luckily, toy distribution was better at that time, as the next time we went to Toys “R” Us, there he was, and his name was “Bazooka”. Now, my mom had a really strict stance on toy guns at that time, which I’ll probably write about at some point. The main thing here was that he was shown shooting on the package, but I used my 5 year old mojo to convince her that “It’s not a gun. It’s a bazooka.” Seeing as how she’d never been to war, that seemed to work. I still think I agreed not to play with the bazooka, ya know, with the guy fucking named Bazooka.

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So, we get home, and I finally have the driver for my sled. All was right with the world. Since I’d never had a Joe before, I was fascinated by all of its joints – especially the fact that he could do a cycle spin if you twisted him enough at the waist. Do you see where this is going? Yeah, one turn too many, and POP! Bazooka go down de hole. I cried and cried, and showed him to my mom. She was going to take him back to the store (my mom would, and still will, take back anything), and I assumed get me a new one. Well, she took him back, but I never got another Bazooka. I don’t think he was on the pegs anymore when she went back. And, since I was still new to the world of action figures, I didn’t think any other figure would work. Only Bazooka could drive the Recon Sled! Over time, the sled got battered, as I ran it, driverless, into walls and shit. About a year later, I would get Psych-Out, and having learned my lesson, he wouldn’t be doing any cyclone punching. Eventually, I got another Bazooka, but my Recon Sled had left this world. Years later, it was finding a newer edition of Bazooka that ushered me into collection the G.I. Joe 25th anniversary line.

Recently at work, I’ve taken to streaming stand-up specials from YouTube to listen to in the background. Yesterday, I came across this bit from Steve Harvey’s final stand-up show. The funny thing about it is that Lindsay and I watched this exact episode of Family Feud last week, and she swore that they had to have been the dumbest family in the history of the show. It turns out she was right.

Links I Loved:

Agony, Ecstasy, Irony: The Fight For The Soul Of College A Cappella (NPR)

Administrators Gotta Administrate! The 20 Best Fictional Administrative Professionals (UnderScoopFire!)

King Kong World Tour — York, Pennsylvania (Cool and Collected)

22 Unbelievable Places that are Hard to Believe Really Exist (Bored Panda)

This Week’s Posts:
Mail Call Monday – Batman, Empowered, Joes and More!

Pitch Perfect and the True Story of Collegiate A Cappella

10 Superheroes Whose Current Costume Design Will Never Appear in a Movie

WWE Divas to Star in New E! Reality Series + 10 More WWE Superstars and the Reality Shows They’d Be Perfect For

Thrift Justice – The One With All The DVDs

And the 90s TV Sitcom podcast I told you about was posted over at Nerd Lunch

So, one of them drunkenly cussed out a cop, while the other saved rock and roll. One’s begging for fan money, while the other is “the world’s most beautiful woman”. Only one them, however, had the West Week Ever.

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I love the Hell out of Fall Out Boy. I discovered them when their third album, Infinity on High, was released – an album that was perfect from beginning to end. I went back and listened to their second album, From Under The Cork Tree, and hated it. I was starting to think they were a one hit wonder until I heard their Welcome to the New Administration mixtape , which I blogged about years ago. Needless to say, I loved that. Seeing as how it was a primer for their upcoming album, Folie A Deux, I expected good things from that album. Unfortunately, it was a “folly of DON’T”. They broke up shortly afterwards, and that wasn’t the note on which I wanted them to go out. Their hiatus was shortlived, though – especially after Patrick Stump’s solo album bombed, and they released Save Rock And Roll last week, which entered the Billboard charts as their second #1 album. Having listened to it, I’m not sure if they saved rock, but it’s certainly good to have them back. Just like Trek movies, it seems that every other FOB album is “the good one”, and luckily this fell in the right place in that sequence. For this, Fall Out Boy has the West Week Ever.

23rd Apr2013

Pitch Perfect and the True Story of Collegiate A Cappella

by Will

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I’m not a very good a cappella alum. I know groups who were basically reuniting to go see Pitch Perfect when it came out in theaters but, like most movies, I decided to wait until it hit redbox. I just wasn’t sure it would be respectful of the genre. I actually wrote a long (unpublished) screed on how Glee would fail when Fox first aired a “sneak preview” of the show. While I was wrong (for the most part), the things that I hated are the things that have aged the show prematurely. In recent years, there has been a big pop culture emphasis on show choirs, with a cappella getting lumped right in with them. After Glee, The Glee Project, The Sing-Off and more, I came to realize that none of the people behind those shows “got it”. Even Mickey Rapkin’s Pitch Perfect – the book on which the film is loosely based – depicted the crazy world of a cappella from an outsider’s perspective. So, I didn’t expect much from the movie. Last Friday, I had a slow day, so I grabbed it from redbox. Now, I can say that not only was I wrong, but the movie was SPOT ON.

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I’m glad the movie found its audience, even outside the a cappella community. It’s a funny film, even if it’s filled with tropes we’ve seen a thousand times before (“whispering chick who’s secretly crazy”, for one). Still, if you sang in an a cappella group, it’s such an “inside baseball” thrill. I actually took notes during the movie, which I’ll share here:

-”Women are about as good at a cappella as they are at being doctors.” I love that they even captured everyone’s contempt for female groups! Only recently has that opinion started to change, with edgy groups like Divisi on the scene.

-Treblemakers had a token black guy (in my group, that was me…)

-They also had an Asian beatboxer, which has become a mainstay of modern a cappella groups

-I loved when the douchebags were rating the girls as they set foot on campus. It reminds me of a story my friends told me: one year, during orientation, they sped in their through North Campus, screaming “We’re gonna fuck your daughters’ freshman pussies!” from the car window. It’s funny because these are the last guys you’d think would do that. But they did.

-No one hands out full-size flyers. You hand out quartercuts – it’s more cost effective, and folks are just gonna drop that shit on the ground. Why pay for 1,000 full-size copies when you could get 4,000 quartercuts for the same price? They’re just wasting their student activities fund money!

-Where do they have mixed auditions? Is that something that actually happens at some colleges? They could get away with that in the movie, as they only had 4 groups. At current count, Cornell has 15 groups. Yes, FIFTEEN. See, it’s like this – there was once a small number of groups, but eventually the rejects started forming their own groups. They had a built in audience, as there are more people rejected from a cappella groups than make it in, so they commiserate together. Fifteen fucking groups…apparently there’s even a new one called “Exploosh!” Anyway, there’s no way shared auditions could be held in a civil manner with more than two groups.

-Leave it to a cappella kids to get down to a lame song like “Keep Your Head Up”! They break it down in that scene like a Flo Rida song came on, but it’s just another Ed Sheeran/Gavin DeGraw clone. I’m just glad we didn’t get an aca rendition of the song in the movie. I really hate that fucking song…

-The depiction of nodes was PERFECT. Whenever you found out someone had nodes, it was like they had cancer. “SHE MAY NEVER SING AGAIN!!!” Nodes signified the possible end to your a cappella career, which also meant it was the end of your illustrious future career on Broadway. Later, we’d realize that you can still sing after the surgery, and those cruise ship jobs are always opening up. I’ve been programmed to tense up more at the mention of nodes than AIDS. That’s how pathetic and self-involved a cappella makes you, but I was a goddamned star!

-The older group, with Donald Faison, was so familiar. The whole “I used to be a star and I just wanna feel something again” theme. That was my early 20s. Man, if I’d had a group like that to join back then…

-Who paid for that bus to the semi-finals? Again, wasting their student activity fund money! You carpool to that shit! In 4.25 years of singing, not ONCE did I board a bus.

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That’s where the notes ended, as the rest was just straightforward 3-act comedy. I realize some of you don’t know my whole deal, as you’re either new to the site or you don’t care to read my archives. I was in an all-male a cappella group at Cornell, called Last Call. In fact, most of the early Cornell groups had drinking themes (Waiters, Hangovers, Chordials). Hey, something’s gotta combat that suicide rate, right? Anyway, my mother hates when I tell this in formal conversation, but I chose Cornell because of Last Call. I guess I was a little Andy Bernard in training. I happened to see the group when I went up for a visit, and it changed my life. So, I bought their CD and sang along to it every morning for the rest of senior year. I was determined to be in that group. So, 3 weeks after getting to campus, I auditioned and got in. That group was MY LIFE. When people ask what I studied, I tell them I majored in A Cappella, as that’s really where I was focused. I could tell you about any group in the country, as I was studying all their sets and stealing all their albums off Napster.

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One way that I could relate to Pitch Perfect was that, unlike MANY other groups, we made it to the International Competition of Collegiate A Cappella (ICCA) Finals that you see in the movie. Luckily, we didn’t throw up over everyone, and we ended up getting 2nd Place. Since the 1st Place group was a coed group, we spun our runner-up status into saying we were the “#1 All-Male Group in the country”. That’s where I first learned the importance of “spin”. The ICCA has an interesting history. When we first entered, it was the National Competition of Collegiate A Cappella. To enter, all you really had to do was send a video and pay a fee (Hey, Varisty Vocals is a business just like anything else). We went to a regional quarterfinal round, and got our asses handed to us (we did, however, get the judges’ Special Award for Funniest Moment). Like Aubrey, though, we were determined to go back and try again. The next year, they had decided to allow Canada into the mix, so the thing suddenly became “International”. That’s the year we made it to the semifinals. Finally, the year after that, we got further than we ever imagined – 2nd Place, at Lincoln Center, and we performed on The Today Show. After that, 2nd place was good enough for us, and we pulled out of competition my senior year (quitters never lose, kids!).

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It was fun and life-changing, but winning also made us assholes. When I joined Last Call, we could be classified as “We’re not the guys you date – we’re the guys you marry.” We were all dorks, and the group was predominately comprised of engineers, Asian dudes, and Asian engineers.  After the ICCAs, we were just like the Treblemakers. Douches all around, and our shit didn’t stink! That’s why I’m curious to see a sequel for Pitch Perfect, as I’d love to see what winning does to the Barden Bellas. I kinda wish the ICCA stuff had peaked earlier in my college career, as I could’ve graduated with a level head. Nope, I was president of the group by then, and I was gonna be on Broadway (I’d done high school musicals before college). I had no clue what the fuck I was talking about. If you think Saved by the Bell ruined high school for you, then you don’t even know how a cappella “success” ruined the real world for me.

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It took years for me to come out of that haze. I’m older now, yet wiser. We “come out of retirement” for special occasions  I can’t really tell you much about today’s collegiate groups, as I’m 31 and really don’t have any business keeping up with that stuff (says the guy who regularly writes about toys and Power Rangers). All the guys I sang with have gone on with their lives, and there’s a new crop of boys singing for their girls and beer. I’ve come to realize that’s why I’m so consumed by being blogging “success” – I’m trying to fill the hole left by a cappella. For a brief moment in time, I was a moderate fish in a very small pond. I guess I just wanna be special again. I’ll find my place in the world someday, but it was nice to revisit that world, even if just for 2 hrs, to get that feeling again. So, long story short – go see Pitch Perfect. If you sang, why haven’t you seen it already?
Bonus Tracks -

Last Call – Drops of Jupiter
Shared from wbwest using Embeddlr
download/iPhone

Last Call – The Hardest Part of Breaking Up
Shared from wbwest using Embeddlr
download/iPhone

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