25th Aug2011

The Stan Lee Panel – Day 2 of Baltimore Comic-Con 2011

by Will

This is Part 2 of a 2-part saga. In case you missed Part 1, click here: Go ahead, I’ll wait. Done? Good. The following takes place on Sunday, August 21 from 3:00 PM to 5:00 PM.

So I didn’t take part in much of Day 2 of the con. I slept 12 hrs the night before, so I got a late start. I braved torrential rain and traffic to get there right before the start of Stan’s panel. Thanks to that pricey VIP I’d shelled out for, I just walked right in.

Jimmy Palmiotti was hosting the panel, and he asked us to really show Stan how much we appreciated him by giving him a huge entrance. It’s not like Jimmy had to ask – we’re talking about The Man here! Anyway, Stan entered with security to a rousing standing ovation. Once Stan got on stage, he told us that he had caught a bit of a bug over the weekend. He said he’d been talking all weekend, and he was all talked out. This wasn’t a cop-out, however. Instead, he said that he wanted us to ask him questions since he didn’t know what to talk about.

What followed turned into what could best be described as a “love fest”. Fan after fan came up to the mic to thank Stan. Many of them told touching stories of how Stan’s comics had affected them. One guy was a speech pathologist who uses comics to help his clients. One woman was in college to be an animator – inspired by the Marvel comics she’d been introduced to by her uncle. A woman dressed as Poison Ivy shared that she was a military wife, and that her relationship with her husband had bloomed due to comics. He’s currently deployed in Afghanistan, but their shared love of comics helps them to reconnect and strengthen their relationship. It was clear that much of the audience could relate to a lot of how comics had touched their lives, so I almost wish they had orchestrated an audience unison “thank you” to move things along.

Eventually, Stan said that he appreciated the thankful sentiments, but joked that “People keep thanking me for what I’ve done for them, but I didn’t do it for you; I did it for ME! If what I did for me affected others, then great!”

Despite being under the weather, Stan was in great spirits, and the best part of the show was just hearing his stories:

Stan said that Iron Man used to get the most fan mail from women. He said that he believed it was due to the fact that women liked 3 things in a man:
1)Money
2)Power
At this point, a woman in the audience yelled “who drinks!”
Stan said, “Well, that helps!”
3)A woman likes a man who’s got something wrong with him, so that she can say to herself, “Oh, I can fix you right up!”

Stan also expressed his pride in the fact that comics were now accepted in the mainstream. Multiple times, he said that comics used to be thought of as something read by little children and simple-minded adults. He said that was the reason he had changed his name, as he didn’t want anyone he knew to know he worked in comics. He said, “I used to have a real name, a normal name just like you. I was Stanley Martin Lieber. But I was so ashamed that I took my first name, and broke up the 2 syllables.”

An audience member asked him what he thought of the Spider-Man: Turn Off The Dark. He answered, “I saw one of the previews. I thought it was really great. I didn’t like the music that much, but that was because not all of the songs were in it. Of course, this wasn’t when people were falling and dying all over the place,” which got a huge laugh from the crowd.

Another fan asked what comic book world he’d like to be sucked into if he had the chance. He replied that he’d like to go to the Archie universe, so that he could have Betty & Veronica.

There were a few moments that were funny in the slight discomfort they caused. One fan said that he was a fan of Ultimo, a manga series produced in Japan by Stan’s Pow Entertainment. He asked Stan what the experience had been like. Stan said that he couldn’t make heads or tails from what was going on in Ultimo. He said that he gave them the beginning of the story, but that he doesn’t even know what’s happening at this point in the story. He said there are plans to bring it to America, and he hopes it comes with an instruction manual so he’ll finally know what’s going on!

As if his candor was a bit surprising, he immediately followed up by saying that “The Japanese people are a hardworking, intelligent and polite people, and I had to learn to bow after every word I said.” You could kinda feel a bit of tension in the room, like when your grandpa mentions how hard working the Mexicans are during Christmas dinner. It seemed like Stan felt it, too, and he quickly recovered with an “I don’t even know what that has to do with what we’re talking about!”

Next, after a fan asked him what his favorite Marvel movie was, he answered that it was the first Spider-Man. Then, he proceeded to talk about Blade, and how he couldn’t remember the writer’s name (David Goyer), but how he had tattoos all up and down both arms. Stan couldn’t believe his arms were absolutely covered, and he said he’d never seen anyone with that many tattoos. Like, he was absolutely amazed by it! Seeing as how it’s Baltimore, and 1 in 5 people in the room had a full sleeve, this, too, was a bit awkward. Again, he recovered with an “I don’t know what that even had to do with what we were talking about. What was the question?”

That exchange did, however, lead to the next great part of the panel. Jimmy decided to ask the crowd if any of them had tattoos of Marvel characters on them. A guy got up, and showed that he had Black Cat and Mary Jane on his arm. At this point, someone in the back yelled out, “What are they doing?!”, which led to a big laugh. Another girl said that she had Marvel symbols tattooed on her. She walked down to the stage and showed that the had the X-Men circled “X” tattooed on both sides of her…bikini area. She got down to the stage, and Stan said “I can’t see it.” She rolled down her pants a bit, and he said, “Oh, I can see it now!” The crowd roared. He said “I thank you, and the X-Men thank you!” As she walked away, he said, “Wait, that’s all we get?” Jimmy piped in “Stan likes the ladies.” Stan countered with, “Yeah, like I’m the only one!”

The panel wrapped up soon afterward, and I made my way back to the con floor. Now, remember how I’d braved the rain and traffic? Well, I had neglected to hit the ATM before getting to the show, as I foolishly thought “I’ll just hit the ATM at the show.” Who knows how this ends? Yup, it was out of money. So, thus began a mad race to hit all the booths I knew had stuff I wanted, praying that they took credit cards. During this time, I also met up with good e-pal @sycobuny, as this has become our annual chance to meet in person. That reminds me that I forgot to mention the great Yo Go Re from OAFE in my last post. He miraculously spotted me out of all the other geeks on the con floor, and I was finally able to put a face to a name. In any case, Sycobuny and I ran around the floor, asking everyone “Do you take credit?” I had a few misses, but I also had a few hits. Feast your eyes on the day’s haul:

As you can see, it’s more of the same from yesterday. More DC Universe Classics, more Marvel Mighty Muggs for the gf. And again, no comics.

In all, it was a great weekend. One of my fanboy dreams came true, I got to catch up with e-pals, and I also got a lot of cool stuff for my collection. Thanks for reading, and thanks to Cool and Collected for making this blog “crossover” a reality. Meet me back here next time, as we’ll probably talk about a bunch of geeky, politically incorrect stuff. Until then, Excelsior!

19th Aug2011

Does A Body Good

by Will

After all these years, I still find that I’m too immature for “Got Milk?” ads. These things have been around for almost 20 years, so it must be an effective campaign. That said, most of them just look like a money shot from a celebrity sex tape with high production values. Even when they did one with Batman – my hero among heroes – it just made my heart hurt for the Caped Crusader! Was that how he was replenishing the Wayne fortune?!!!

Anyway, I work at…a place filled with…people who might be inspired to drink milk, and these posters are everywhere. Hell, I think we ran out of money, and they’re just using them as cheap wallpaper. In any case, I thought I’d share a few of them with you, along with my thoughts. Before we get started, I apologize for the quality of the pictures; Ansel Adams never had to use a BlackBerry camera…

Just look in that dog’s eyes. He clearly saw the whole thing. This just makes me think back to the time Amanda quit Twitter because she got a bunch of backlash for saying she preferred black guys. What did Devante do to you, Amanda?! What did he do?!!!

They finally came up with a way to get me to not notice the milk mustache. Ha! He’s with a giraffe! Honestly, I think the funniest part is that the giraffe actually finished college.

This is probably the worst picture of Demi Lovato I’ve ever seen, and I say that as a Demi fan. Hell, you don’t say something nice about her, and she will punch you in your face! She went to rehab for it and everything. Anyway, this picture looks like it might be some sad artifact sent to the past from a future where her career has totally derailed, yet the “Demi Loves Otto” sex tape is tearing up the SuperNet.

This one is disturbing to me because, in real life, Victoria Justice looks like a bad Photoshop job. She’s got the face of a 25 year old, yet the body of a fit 15 year old. She’s like a younger clone of Giada De Laurentiis. She just seems like an odd choice for a milk ad. “Your body will be suspended in teen animation, but you’ll be pretty. Drink up!”

And I thought R. Kelly was the one who sang “Down Low”. Notice how you can’t really see from the waist down? These are my confessions…

OH, COME THE FUCK ON!

18th Aug2011

Thoughts on Captain America: The First Avenger

by Will

So, I’ve been a bad blerd. I want to be the black authority on geekdom, yet I wait a whole month to see one of summer’s biggest comic movies! Anyway, I finally saw Captain America: The First Avenger the other night. Final thought: it was really enjoyable.

Since you all saw this thing weeks before I did, this isn’t going to be a review. After all, you don’t give a shit if I liked it or not. I do, however, want to share a few bullet point thoughts that occurred to me throughout the film. Shall we?

-Dum Dum Dugan! I was so glad to see him, and it wasn’t just a random cameo. The Howling Commandos had a pretty big role in the war scenes.

-Speaking of the Howling Commandos, I *really* wanted Derek Luke’s character to turn out to be a young Nick Fury. I’m ashamed to admit that I totally forgot that the character of Gabe Jones existed. Anyway, if it had been Fury, it would’ve established a preexisting relationship with Cap for the Avengers movie, plus it would’ve allowed Fury to have been a part of the Howling Commandos in movie continuity.

-While we got a battle montage, I really wanted a training montage – mainly so I could figure out when Cap learned to fly planes. He was in the Army, and not the Air Force or the Navy. Somehow, though, he just knew how to fly every aircraft he commandeered.

-Bucky Barnes. While the comics tend to paint him as “Wartime Robin”, I think I prefer that to the film’s “older brother figure who’d steal your girlfriend” persona. I didn’t really like him, and I certainly didn’t like him enough to want to see him as the Winter Soldier, should the movies decide to go that route.

-Man, Tommy Lee Jones has aged into quite the scrotum-faced old man! I mean, it’s almost on a Matthau level. It was nice, though, that he got a comic movie do-over to make up for Batman Forever (yes, I know MIB was a comic, but let’s be honest – nobody even cared until the movie came out).

-I really expected Howard Stark to be a dick. He was not, and I liked that. In fact, I’d really like to know more about the character – but this version, and not the weird, philosophical brainfuck of an origin they’re giving him in S.H.I.E.L.D. at the moment.

-How come movie Nazis always have the coolest clothes? Sure, they’ve got fucked up beliefs, but an unbelievable tailor! I’m pretty sure Red Skull was wearing a leather shirt at one point. Leather shirt!

Not to get all preachy, but I did take something away from the movie: America could REALLY use a symbol like Captain America now. We’ve gotten too jaded and cynical for something like that to work, but people tend to be strengthened by a powerful symbol. If only there were something we could all rally behind. All we’ve got now are the Kardashians…

Anyway, that’s all I got. Enjoyable movie. Not my favorite comic movie or anything, but I’m sure I’ll buy it on DVD. That’s mainly because I’m a DVD whore, though…

27th Jun2011

National Lampoon’s Green Wilder: My Review of Green Lantern

by Will

So, I finally saw Green Lantern last night. Yeah, I know most of y’all saw it last week, and have already weighed in on it. Some of your reviews I read, others I didn’t. Mainly, I didn’t want my experience to be tainted by outside thoughts. That said, I didn’t go in with an entirely open mind, as I didn’t have big hopes for the film. The casting seemed off, the budget had ballooned, and the footage looked like a bunch of CG-why? Still, it’s a comic movie, so I wanted it to do well so lazy journalists would can it with the “Is The Comic Movie Craze Over?” headlines. So, what did I think of the film? Well, in my best Jay Sherman voice, “It stinks!” I know a few of you are going to disagree with that sentiment, so I thought I’d let you in on my thoughts, bullet point style:

-No one is likable in the movie, least of all Hal. Ryan Reynolds, once again, shows up to work to play himself. Seriously, outside of Definitely, Maybe, Reynolds hasn’t shown much range since Two Guys, A Girl, and a Pizza Place. Hal Jordan is already a boring character (unless he’s losing his mind, or trying to avoid DC’s Chris Hansen), so casting Reynolds didn’t really do much to give the character a personality. It came off like “National Lampoon’s Green Wilder”. They even gave him another brown friend, just like in Van Wilder.

-I found myself pleasantly surprised by Blake Lively. While I didn’t buy her scenes as “tough as nails Sapphire”, she and Reynolds had good chemistry everywhere outside of the dogfight scene.

-I liked how Reynolds went all Greatest American Hero when transported to Oa, but hated how he automatically knew how to fly. Where’s my flight montage, dammit?!

-Others have said this, but Sinestro is the most heroic character in the movie. Also, I should point out that I don’t really have a problem with comic Sinestro. He’s not exactly “evil”. He just ruled his sector with an iron fist. He was a good cop, who later became corrupt as power went to his head. But you know what? It worked. He maintained order like a boss. Sinestro’s tale is played out in many small towns throughout the heartland. Over time, however, I feel DC writers have gone out of their way to really make him seem like a bastard, as they realize his raison d’etre really wasn’t that bad.

-I’m pretty sure Hal killed at least one of those guys who jumped him. Sure, it was self defense, but still…

-As most of us fanboys know, Warner Bros pumped an extra $9M in for additional effects, but most of that seemed to consist of enhancing the suit glow. While it would’ve been unique during a transformation sequence, it really got old seeing the energy pulsing through the piping at all times. The “perma-pulse” really took away anything that might have been special about the suits.

-Speaking of that effects budget, where the fuck did it go? Really, how did they spend that money? A lot of the stuff that was supposed to “wow” me was about 15 years old, from a technological perspective. I’m not saying I was expecting bullet time, but the Lantern flight sequences looked lower tech than the teleportation trails used in Mighty Morphin Power Rangers: The Movie. Oa looked like animation from a mid ’90s video game – I’m not even talking console games; it looked like Shareware. Did you see Kilowog’s clunky movements when he was simply walking? It was like my system didn’t have enough resources to render all the pixels.

-Speaking of Kilowog, I was distracted by the fact that his movie design appeared to be based on the pre-gastric bypass appearance of LA DJ Big Boy (fans of Fastlane will recognize him).

-When did the Guardians get so fucking huge? I thought they were little guys. Here, they’re towering. Plus, the chick sounded like Janeway, which only made me hate her more.

-So…I’m guessing Tim Robbins needed to raise that child support money, huh? You were in Shawshank, man!

-in my mind, Amanda Waller should only be portrayed by Marsha Warfield. Or Shirley from Community (or a zombie Shirley from What’s Happening!!). Or the wife from House of Payne. Basically, a thick black woman with no ankles. That said, I actually liked Angela Bassett in the role, though I don’t remember when she started looking like Cicily Tyson. Apparently, they want her to be the Nick Fury of the DC movie universe. Good luck with that, seeing as how I’m sure she’ll be nowhere near The Dark Knight Rises or The Man of Steel.

-OK, in the top secret lab scene where Hammond goes from Folksy Xavier to Trailer Park Beetlejuice (right before Shawshank gets flamebroiled), how did Hal know where they were? He just comes busting through the wall. Don’t give me that “the ring pulsed and told him” garbage. If that’s true, the director failed to really show that in action, and that throwaway line about the ring warning of surrounding danger becomes a cheat.

-When the Guardians reject Hal’s request to help defend Earth, why does he ask their permission for him to go back? They hadn’t taken his powers, and it’s not like he had any deference to authority figures. I feel if he were truly fearless, he would’ve been like, “Fuck this, I’m going to save my planet!”

-He threw it into the Sun? Are you fucking kidding me? I get that this is a movie, and not everyone has read the comics. That said, Parallax is a big fucking deal. There’s no way Hal’s gonna beat him alone – especially not in his rookie state. This should’ve been an all-out space battle. THIS is where the money should’ve gone instead of making all the Lanterns look like they’ve got those old timey Christmas bubble lights in their suits. As a fanboy, it’s kind of insulting that they would deflate the enormity of Parallax simply because they needed a movie villain. I felt the same way when Smallville introduced Doomsday. He killed Superman! It had never been done before. And they want to just casually introduce him as the big bad of the season, played by an Abercrombie model? It’s as cheap as making Galactus a damn cloud!

So, there you have it. I feel I should point out that I didn’t *hate* the movie. Hate is a strong emotion, and I struggled to feel, well, anything from the movie. It just didn’t draw me in. I found myself bored and wanting it to end. I’m not the biggest GL fan, so it’s not like it insulted any fanboy knowledge I may have possessed. On the flipside, however, it didn’t make me want to learn more about the Green Lantern franchise. Over the past few years, the comics have really picked up steam, from emotional spectrum wars to zombie space fights. If I hadn’t known any of that, I’d look at that movie and wonder what all the hype was about. You see Iron Man, you know Tony Stark’s a cool cat, who has a badass suit. Spider-Man‘s a geek with a lot of power (and responsibility). X-Men are a bunch of minorities fighting for acceptance. According to this movie, Hal Jordan’s an asshole who gets a ring he didn’t deserve. I didn’t know this was a sports movie! At no point does he ever really prove himself worthy. Sure, he beats Parallax, but it seemed like luck. Even with that victory, he didn’t come off as “heroic”, and I feel that’s a problem. I didn’t want him to lose (’cause I’m smart enough to know he won’t), but I didn’t really want him to win either. The whole thing just left me kinda “meh”. If you enjoyed it, more power to ya. I’m not gonna say you’re wrong or dumb. I really wish I could’ve liked it, but it just wasn’t for me.

20th Jun2011

Oh yeaaah…chicka chicka!

by Will

Based on this production still, Captain America is apparently an 80s teen comedy. I can only hope that dead Bucky will be portrayed by the ghost of Corey Haim.

11th May2011

So, That Was Black Swan…

by Will

I tend to live in a time delay, so I finally caught up to 2010 and saw Black Swan. Yeah, so…didn’t get it. I’m not saying it’s bad, but I’m just not a fan. To quote Peter Griffin, “it insists upon itself”. It’s just so damn pretentious. It’s wrapped up in this whole world that makes you think there’s more to the movie than there is. I mean, first off, there’s whole ballet thing. I get that there’s an art to ballet, and the dance sequences were quite good. That being said, if I wanted ballet, I’d watch public television. After all, that shit is made possible by viewers like me!

Next, there’s just way too much going on. I’m not even getting into the weird transformation/mindfuck stuff. I just mean that there are dangling plotlines on an almost “Claremontian” scale. What’s up with Nina’s crazy mother? What had Nina done to alienate the other girls in the troupe? What’s Beth’s story, other than the fact she was last year’s model? Did the director dude really wanna fuck Nina, or was he just joshing? What did Mila Kunis leave behind in California?

Now, I’ve gotta keep it real, and admit that the movie didn’t have my undivided attention. I was dying to get the Netflix disc back in the mail, so I watched it while tending to my Farmville neighbors. Maybe it would’ve been engaging in a theater, but the mind started to wander.

Seriously though, I’d rank this movie about a notch above Showgirls. Now, before you jump on me, I’ll have you know that I hold Showgirls in higher esteem than most. I love that movie, though I acknowledge it could’ve done without some of the awkward sex. The same could also be said about Black Swan. Showgirls, like Black Swan, was a movie about a girl who just wanted to be a dancer – by any means necessary. Sure, Jessie Spano did a swimming pool bump & grind with The Captain, but Queen Amidala got eaten out by Meg Griffin. Po-tay-to, po-tah-to.

Anyway, it won Oscars, so clearly I’m the uncultured one. You’ve gotta ask yourself, though “Did I really enjoy it, or did I convince myself I enjoyed it because everyone else said they did?” I used to do that with AbFab. I grew up on Britcoms, and everyone raved over how great AbFab was. I rented it, and found that I was forcing myself to laugh over shit that I really didn’t find funny. Oh well, I’m a lowly commoner. In any case, I’m sure I could learn more about the movie from repeat viewings, but I just don’t care that much.

26th Apr2011

So, That Was Beetlejuice…

by Will

Yes, I know you’ve come to rely on me as your pop culture lifeline, but there are gaps in even my education. I can’t watch/read/play everything, so I’ve missed a few things that might surprise you. For example, I’ve never seen Titanic. Yup, I’m that guy you’ve always heard about. Never seen it, nor do I have plans to change that. I’ve also never seen an episode of Lost. Sorry, but I felt that some dude in his mom’s basement had a better ending in mind than what the audience would get. From what I’ve heard from fans, I was probably right. I’ve also never seen Beetlejuice. This was rectified the other night.

Now, I know most of you have probably seen Beetlejuice, but maybe it was when you were younger. If you’ve seen it recently, how do you feel it has held up over time? Maybe I would’ve felt differently had I seen it when it came out, but these are the thoughts I had while watching the movie:

1) Why is it even called “Beetlejuice“? I mean, he’s not really in the movie as much as his billing would imply. If they release a Blu Ray anniversary edition, it should be called The Skinny Adventures of Dead Jack Donaghy.

2) My God is Beetlejuice annoying! Most of what he says/does shouldn’t even be considered “funny”. They say Tim Burton wanted Sammy Davis Jr for the role, but Keaton came highly recommended. As he ended up as Batman, this clearly didn’t kill Keaton’s career. I just feel like this thing would’ve had Jim Carrey written all over it had they gone into production a few years later.

3) Who felt that this movie would translate well as a cartoon, and are they legally allowed around children? I mean, Beetlejuice was going to force teenage Lydia into marrying him. According to some reports, the original script had him just raping her. Now, I’d never seen the movie, but I’ve seen a good 70% of the animated series. Sure, there were times when Lydia & Beetlejuice’s relationship seemed a bit..odd, but the movie puts it in a whole new light. It’s got a similar juxtaposition as The Real Ghostbusters: in the movies, Slimer’s an elusive pest, yet in the cartoon, he’s their pet/mascot. In the Beetlejuice cartoon, an otherworldy pervert becomes a rainy day pal to a bored goth girl.

4) Has anyone ever posited the idea of a “Beetlejuice Curse”? I mean, sure, it’s a stretch, but let’s look at the what happened to the cast: Jeffrey Jones became a sex offender; Winona Ryder “liked” the five finger discount on the facebook of life; Alec Baldwin got fat and has only recently been forgiven for straight kirking out on his daughter on an answering machine; Catherine O’Hara kept leaving her kid at home, yet never seemed to attract the attention of Child Protective Services; Glenn Shadix died after falling in his home; no one’s seen Geena Davis since 2005. If the Beetlejuice Curse isn’t a thing, it ought to be.

5) The effects were good. A lot of them felt almost wasted, but I like the whole claymationy/practical effects thing they had going on. In today’s world of blue screen, it’s nice to see how things used to be done.

6) No one in the movie is likable. I know I’m supposed to be rooting for Jack Donaghy and Commander-In-Chief, but they kinda suck at life. And at death. Why should I want them to save their house. This was an 80s movie, back when greed was “good”. Fuck them and their house. The Deetzes were a bunch of vapid yuppies, so fuck them, too. Does anyone ever root for the goth chick, except for other goths? Get over yourself and add some color to your wardrobe! So, Lydia’s out. And Beetlejuice is just an asshat. I think I was probably rooting for the sandworms.

7) Kenner had quite the toyline based on this movie, which now seems to be just as fucked up as the fact that they turned it into a cartoon. I remember a lot of those toys (thanks to old Kenner Action Toy Guides), so my favorite part of the movie was identifying all the scenes that had inspired the various action figures.

So, there you have it. If I just pissed in the Corn Flakes of your childhood, I apologize. I just don’t get this movie. I’m also not really a Tim Burton guy outside of the Batman movies, so maybe I’m just not cultured enough to get his work. Considering Beetlejuice came out during a year that saw the release of such classics as Die Hard, A Fish Called Wanda, and Emmanuelle 6, I’m kinda surprised it was as successful as it was. I just don’t know if those same fans would look as fondly upon it now as they did back then.

22nd Mar2011

Comical Thoughts: Ongoing Problem

by Will

I haven’t set foot in a comic shop in almost a month, and it’s a weird feeling. Basically, I found myself in a position where I was paying rent for 2 different places, and just couldn’t spare the money. That said, I don’t really feel like I’ve been missing anything. I was souring on all of the “events” that have come to dominate comics, and it seems the Big Two are busy gearing up for Fear Itself and Flashpoint. Over recent years, I’ve found that I’m growing tired of a lot of ongoing comics. Don’t get me wrong – I still prefer that format over trades and digital, but I find that there are a bunch of ongoings that are just…unnecessary. I understand that publishers are just trying to make money, but there are a lot of books that simply exist only to exist, which can be detrimental to characters and profits.

There are certain perennial books that aren’t going anywhere. Batman, Spider-Man, Superman, X-Men – they’ll always be published in some form or another. They are tent-pole franchises, as they keep the lights on, while adorning the Underoos of kids across the world. A couple of rungs down, you’ve got your Blade, Moon Knight, Azrael, etc. These are characters that tend to serve as decent utility players, but don’t have the depth to carry their own ongoing series. That lack of depth, however, doesn’t keep publishers from trying and trying and trying. As the cover prices of comics increase, publishers can’t afford to keep cranking out these D-list series with no real goal in mind, especially when these series tend to really just be backdoor affiliates to some current event running in other books. Let’s take a closer look at one example of this: Booster Gold.

I love the Booster Gold series, and have been buying it since it debuted following 52. For those not familiar, Booster Gold is a C-list Justice Leaguer who debuted in the 80s. He and Blue Beetle comprised “Team Blue & Gold”, providing the comic relief for the Justice League International. Leading into DC event Infinite Crisis, shit got real when Blue Beetle was murdered. In the subsequent 52 series, Booster gained a higher profile, as he actually became a true hero in the DC Universe. He wasn’t on the level of the Superman-Batman-Wonder Woman trinity, but he had enough clout that he was able to carry his own series for the first time since the late 80s. The book was great…in the beginning.

When Booster Gold launched, it was co-written by wunderkind Geoff Johns and former New Line exec Jeff Katz. That team handled the first year of the series, and it was later turned over to Booster’s creator, Dan Jurgens. Eventually, the book was handled by a bunch of guest writers until it was given to former Justice League writer, Keith Giffen. Through all of these creative changes, the character has still been able to grow and mature. At the same time, the book has also experienced several false endings – usually around the time a new team was about to take over. After the second one of these, it became apparent to me that the book could end and I really wouldn’t care. After all, these teams had provided a good bit of closure, and it almost seemed wrong to just pick up and go in another direction with things. It was also around this time that I realized that the whole Booster concept was being repurposed.

As I said in the beginning, Booster was always a bit of a joke. A hero from the future, Booster was actually a disgraced former football star who’d found himself as a janitor. Stealing a bunch of hero tech, he traveled back to our time to find fame and fortune. Along the way, he became a true hero, but that doesn’t really become realized until the events following the death of his best friend, Blue Beetle. When the post-52 series launched, it had an interesting hook: due to all of the timeline problems of the DC Universe, Booster would be the one to make sure that the timeline was protected from threats and anomalies. Due to the delicate nature of his work, he pretended to still be a bumbling glory hound so that no one would pick up on his mission. This was all a neat, new angle for a character that had been somewhat one-dimensional since his debut. Then, something happened: Booster became the lynchpin for a bunch of DC events that, while temporal in nature, diluted a lot of what had been built up in his solo book. First, he was dragged into the Vanishing Point miniseries, which was connected to The Return of Bruce Wayne, even though it finished weeks after that storyline had completed. Next, Booster was responsible for getting the Justice League International team back together in the bi-weekly Justice League: Generation Lost series. Next, he’ll be an integral part of the Flashpoint event. While a high profile character like Wolverine or Spider-Man can be pulled in different directions like this, Booster’s not strong enough to carry all of this. If DC wants him in all these minis, why not cancel his book?

They were finally on to something when Booster was given his new, “secret” mission, but now that’s all been put aside for these Universe-spanning minis. To really retain the shine on Booster, maybe they should just put him on a shelf until he’s needed. Maybe lose him in the time stream until the next Crisis. Listen: Don’t KILL him. Don’t make a big deal out of a death you know will be reversed in 5 years. Just “lose” him, to add suspense. After all, they could only pull him out when it’s a big deal, and his reappearance would tip off readers that something major was about to occur. Why continue to waste him in a monthly capacity when it’s clearly not what you seem to want to do with the character? I’ve come to believe that a book should be launched with a goal in mind, and Booster has reached his goal many times over. While there will always be threats to the timeline, pulling him into more and more meaningless crossovers isn’t going to raise his profile, but rather overexpose him. Booster Gold hasn’t been a stellar seller since that first year, and now it’s clear that they’re just going to publish it until the numbers drop below that magic number. Instead of just coasting along to that point, why not just take him off the board for a bit?

I think my mindset may have been affected by the fact that I’ve been reading more Vertigo books in recent years, and they tend to have concrete endings in store. As long as they aren’t killed by low sales, a Vertigo series tends to last between 60-70 issues, toward a specific ending. Over time, I’ve just come to believe that some stories should end. I don’t expect to see a final Batman or Superman story, unless it’s some sales gimmick/dream sequence/alternate reality tale. Other books, though, like Booster Gold, Red Robin, New Mutants, and Namor: The First Mutant can just end. They’re cashing in on their affiliation to successful franchises, while not adding  any value. In many cases, they serve as the expansion ground for B-level crossovers that don’t really help the starring character/team in any way. They’ll simply be published, without any real master plan, until the sales drop below a certain number – at which point the events in those books will be either retconned or forgotten.

In many cases, the writing’s on the wall long before you see “FINAL ISSUE” in the Previews solicitation blurb (usually, a pretty good indicator is when Fabian Nicieza becomes the writer on a book). So, I’ve had to ask myself: “Do I really want to be on deathwatch for this book, or is it time that I did something better with my $3.99?” I tend to watch the sales figures every month to brace myself for what’s on the chopping block. Once that Vertigo book drops under 6,000 copies, they’re not even gonna make their money back on the trades, so that’s a wrap.

Sure, well-written comics can have low sales, but diluted brands and characters can also result in low sales. For example, the comic blogosphere claims that Thor: The Mighty Avenger was the greatest thing since internet porn, but nobody was buying it. In this case, it had nothing to do with quality, but rather the book got lost in a deluge of pre-movie Thor books that Marvel unleashed on the market. Figure out a plan for your character and stick with it. Less is more, movie release be damned. Publishers rarely match up releases to successfully capitalize on movie releases, and this is another example of how it’s a delicate science. You’re damned if you’re caught with your pants down (1st X-Men movie), you’re damned if you have too much product (Thor), and you’re damned if the studio keeps moving the release date of the movie (Whiteout).

At the end of the day, Marvel and DC are making their real money off of Batman & Robin and Avengers. The sales of these books allow them to take chances on things like Secret Warriors and Simon Dark, but is it really worth it when these books hit the stands with the taint of impermanence? When they cancel these books, they like to blame the readers, by saying that “the audience just wasn’t there”, but I find it hard to believe that the publishers ever really believed in a lot of these books. These things aren’t getting any cheaper, so why am I supposed to support a book when it seems clear that the publisher doesn’t even care about it? I mean, c’mon, Jim Calafiore? Instead of only focusing on the characters that sell Underoos, maybe they should put some of the new characters on some of those briefs. After all, licensing is the holy grail, but it’s said that readers don’t want new characters, so none of the new ones “graduate” to lunchboxes. Maybe, if they reversed the process and put a bunch of new characters on lunchboxes first, it would inspire people to want to learn more about those characters. Then again, who am I to say that? I’m just the fool who’s been spending his money on these things for the past 20 years. Well, I think I’m going to be a bit smarter about the ones that I buy from now on.

07th Mar2011

5 Corners of Pop Culture That I Don’t Understand

by Will

Yeah, so I go around boasting that I know so much about pop culture, but even I have my blind spots. For example, I’m not much of a movie guy. I’ve never been one for going to movies, and I used to just tell myself “I’ll catch it when it comes on TV”. As a result, there are tons of movies that have become modern day classics (Titanic, Shrek, Avatar) that I’ve never seen. So, don’t recruit me for your trivia team if you need a Movie Guy. Outside of movies, though, there are 5 particular areas of pop culture that I just don’t “get”.

Now, I’m not exactly trying to be controversial, but I just know I’m opening the gates for a flame war. That said, I’m not necessarily saying there’s anything wrong with these five things, but they just don’t really hold much meaning for me. If you can think of a way to change my mind, or can point out great aspects that I’ve missed, then I certainly invite you to do so. This isn’t a bash session, but rather a cry for help: help me understand the big deal about these things.

1) The Big Lebowski – I’ve had people tell me “You don’t get The Big Lebowski ’cause you’re black.” Um, OK…That’s never really affected my interpretation of movies before (although Bamboozled did make me hate white people for a day or so). Since college, I’ve had people tell me that Lebowski is the most quotable movie ever, while extolling the virtues of The Dude. It was an entertaining movie, quirky in the vein of Fargo. It’s a fine movie, but I don’t get the *phenomenon*.  I don’t get why there are action figures of crew-cut John Goodman and Jeff Bridges looking like stoner Jesus in a bathrobe. I don’t get the uptick in White Russian consumption.

In terms of pop culture clout, The Big Lebowski has basically become the White Scarface. Scarface has become somewhat inspirational in urban circles, especially to a generation of rappers. Sure, Tony Montana ends up dead, but before that, he came from nothing and ended up having everything. With that, you can kind of understand why he has become the poster child for those who also come from very little. On the flip side, I don’t see anything aspirational about the story of The Dude. They occupy the same levels of pop culture, for different demographics, for different reasons. Maybe those folks were right: I understand Scarface, but I don’t understand The Dude. Maybe it is because I’m black…

2) The Muppets – Don’t get me wrong: I love Muppet Babies, and the Muppets version of “The Twelve Days of Christmas” is one of my favorite Christmas songs. That said, I just never really got into the movies. In college, I spent time around a sketch comedy group, and that was the first time I learned how much comedy circles revered the Muppets. Maybe I haven’t seen the right movies, and I’m missing out. I just don’t get the appeal. In some ways, I think I may have the same issues with the Muppets that I have with Alvin & The Chipmunks – I can suspend my disbelief, but I have a problem with these “creatures” coexisting with humans. The same way that I’m slightly disgusted by the idea that humans girls have the same kind of crushes on 4 foot singing chipmunks as they would on Justin Bieber, I also can’t really deal with the Muppets gallivanting around the “real world”. Sure, it works for Sesame Street, but I don’t see why adults are entertained by this, unless they’re high. And yes, do understand the irony of this statement coming from the guy who still watches Power Rangers.

3) Jersey Shore – Sorry, folks. Watching the premiere of Jersey Shore felt like a chore. Everyone who knows my love of bad television thought that I’d simply fall in love with the show, but they were wrong. I think I may have a different threshold than others. It seems that Jersey Shore is a guilty pleasure for quite a number of young professionals who love the show, but would never admit to it. It also seems that quite a few educated people love tuning in. That’s great. It’s just not my cup of tea. I LOVED the True Life episodes that spawned the show, but I really found nothing likable or engrossing about the cast of Jersey Shore. I did, however, enjoy watching that guy punch the shit out of Snookie ’cause, really, how often do you see something like that?  Jersey Shore is like going to the zoo – people feel superior as they ogle the “dumb” animals, but that shit eventually gets old and you find yourself looking for the hot dog cart.

4) Harry Potter – They’re cute books. I get that. They’re not, however, a worthy basis of what has become a literary juggernaut. Let’s rewind a bit, though. I missed the genesis of the Harry Potter phenomenon because I was somewhat off the grid. I went to Summer College at Cornell the summer that the first book started picking up steam. Now, if you’re not familiar with Cornell or Ithaca, its almost like its own little world. Generally, you have to really seek out information from the “outside world”, or else you won’t know of anything outside the Ithaca city limits. These were the early days of the internet, and there was no social networking just pushing information at you. When I got back to civilization, I started hearing rumblings of this “Harry Potter” thing, but really didn’t know what folks were talking about.

A big reason that I was resistant to Harry Potter was that I didn’t like the caliber of the early adopters. Sure, everyone reads Harry Potter now, but in the beginning, it was a certain group of people: the kids who weren’t allowed to watch TV, who only played with no-name educational toys from mom & pop stores, whose parents drove hybrids. Mainly, Harry Potter was the entertainment of yuppie children, and I hated all that they stood for. I can’t ignore what the franchise has done for literacy, which has actually been a great by-product of the phenomenon. It truly got people into reading, and that’s the one thing I like about it. That said, I’ve never found it all that original.

I grew up in a Roald Dahl household, so it was quite obvious when I started seeing his ideas popping up in the Harry Potter books. The extent of most people’s knowledge of Dahl is typically Charlie & The Chocolate Factory, and maybe Matilda or James & The Giant Peach. If you’ve more than just those, however, you’ll see what I’m talking about. It angered me that people felt that Rowling’s ideas were so groundbreaking, when I’d seen many of them before. For the people who saw where I was coming from, they still brushed me off with a “Well, nothing’s original anymore” or “Well, Rowling did a great job putting all of those Dahl concepts into one series”. Whatever. Like I said, they’re cute books, but I don’t see why they took the world by storm.

5) Star Wars – Basically, this comes down to the fact that I grew up with the philosophy that “Trekkies Can’t Be Warsies”. I latched onto the late 80s Star Trek revival, and that was where I put my focus. Unlike the other things I’ve mentioned, I “get” Star Wars, but I just don’t have the patience for it, nor do I have the desire to learn.

Star Wars just feels downright inaccessible to me. A few years ago, the only stuff that was “canon” consisted of 3 movies (and a holiday special that no one likes to acknowledge). Later on, there were 3 more movies, which was still manageable, especially since the “real fans” hated the new films and flipflopped on whether they acknowledged the events portrayed in them. Then, however, there was the Clone Wars cartoon, which bothers me because you can’t get attached to any characters, knowing they’re ALL gonna die. Then, there’s all the Expanded Universe stuff (which may not be considered canon, but is still held in high regard amongst the hardcore fans) and don’t get me started on all the comic series. So, at the end of the day, it’s still just 6 movies and some shows, but it feels so much more daunting. In terms of fandom, I like to go ALL IN. You can’t just tell me, “Oh, there are these books, but they don’t count.” If they exist, I’m going to feel like I need to read them and decide for myself if they count. And it’s just too much. The same argument could be made for Star Trek, but I got in early on that stuff, while Star Wars got rolling before I was a gleaming “surprise” in my father’s eye. I know it’s all psychological, but it just feels like being a Star Wars fan requires too much damn legwork. If you’ve got an “Star Wars in 3 Minutes” primer you want to send me, I’m all ears. Otherwise, I don’t think I’m ever gonna have that soft spot for The Force that so many of you seem to have.

So, there you have it. I hope we can all still be friends. I didn’t set out to bash the stuff that people hold dear, but I simply wanted to give my impression of these things. I welcome you to try to convince me otherwise, as I will admit that I do feel a bit left out at times. However, I fear that I’ll just get a bunch of comments like “Ur a fuckin’ moron!” Oh well, at least you’re leaving comments!

10th Feb2011

What The Hell is THIS?!!!

by Will

So, I was checking my email yesterday, and something caught my eye. You see, I set up a Google Alert for “Will West” so that I can track comment replies that I receive on blogs that don’t send email notification of updates. Sure, this might sound vain, but I learned the trick from someone online, so I’m not the narcissist who thought it up. Anyway, this system rarely works, as the alerts I receive usually have headlines like “Will West Virginia Win The Title?” Thwarted! So, imagine my surprise when I saw “Random House acquires ‘Will West: The Epic’ by Twin Peaks co-creator Mark Frost“! A blurb found here contained the following info:

The trilogy is a mystery with paranormal elements (in other words, classic Frost) and follows a sheltered boy who’s been told by his parents to avoid the limelight. After Will West lands an unusually high score on a national exam, he is recruited by a little-known prep school and also realizes he is being followed.

Huh?! What?!

After some Google detective work, I found this:

Frost’s Will West combines a sophisticated mystery with furiously-paced action and a twist of the paranormal. In the novel, the title character has spent his entire life trying to avoid any attention at the request of his parents. Then by sheer accident, Will scores off the charts on a nationwide exam and is recruited by an exclusive and somewhat mysterious prep school, the best school no one’s ever heard of, with technology the likes of which no one’s ever seen. At the same time, coincidentally—or not so—Will realizes he’s being followed by men in dark hats, driving black sedans who pose a terrifying threat to his family. What follows is a series of events and revelations that places Will smack in the middle of a millennia old struggle between titanic forces.

How did they find out about my life story?! Who told them?! Better yet, why am I not getting royalties?!

There was no cover available, but I can only assume that it won’t look as cool as this:

Pages:«1234567...15»