Thrift Justice – Extreme Home Edition
Don't worry, it's not another spinoff. At least, I don't think... Actually, come to think of it, that would be kinda cool. But I'm not committing to anything yet. After all, I've only done one Thrift Justice: YSE post, so it'd be a little audacious to come up with a second spinoff. It's not like I'm Norman Lear.
Anyway, I tend to focus on toys and collectibles, but I thought I'd show a more practical application for thrifting. Sure a lot of people use thrifting to find collectibles and goods to resell, but others use it simply to survive. Their clothes, furnishings, etc come from thrifting, either because of financial constraints or the simple fact that they know a good deal when they see one. I like to think I'm a little of column A and a little of column B. So, I thought I'd show you a few of the ways that thrifting has added to my living space.
First up, we have this full length mirror. I actually rescued this thing from next to the dumpster at my old apartment. I'm pretty sure that it was once part of a dresser or something, but this was all that I found. Now, I know that you can buy a full-length mirror from Target for about $9, but this thing is QUALITY. It's solid wood and heavy as Hell, so it has lived on the floor most of the time that I've owned it. Seriously, I've had it almost 3 years, and we JUST hung it on the wall last month. Prior to that, you could only really see how you looked from the neck down.
Lindsay's really into wine & wine decor, so we knew that my comic posters and figure displays would have to be balanced with something a bit...classier. Luckily, her stuff got banished to the kitchen! Everything you see in those pictures was thrifted. I got it all from yard sales and thrift stores, at different times. Basically, if I saw something wine-themed, I'd get it. It was only by chance and my keen eye that we were able to tie it all together into a configuration that makes sense.
This wine rack? Found in the trash room of Lindsay's old apartment. Not IN the trash (I haven't gotten to the dumpster diving level of thrifting...yet), but just in the room of stuff folks didn't want anymore. Her old roommate, Dave, actually found it and thought I might want it. He thought right!
Speaking of Dave, he also gave us this bookshelf when Lindsay was moving out. He didn't have room for it, and it was just heading for the aforementioned trash room. "One man's trash..." So, it has now become the home of Lindsay's Mighty Muggs collection. I may not have gotten her into comics, but I've found other ways to infect her with the collecting bug. Just the collecting bug, though. Honest! I got tested and everything.
As you've probably noticed, a lot of our thrifted goods end up in the kitchen. It doesn't get more "kitchen" than the kitchen table. So, a little backstory: my mom plays Bingo every week at the local McDonalds. Don't laugh - she's 73 and can do whatever the Hell she wants! Anyway, one of her Bingo buddies is a master thrifter. He drives around a weird unmarked van, filled with stuff he's found and wants to share. Every now and then, he'll invite her out to his van to choose stuff. Hey...wait a minute...this guy is gonna be my new daddy, isn't he?!! But I digress, he always come across the best stuff. For instance, she got a refrigerator from him for $80, which was just really the cost of moving it. Now that I think of it, yup, he's definitely trying to be my new daddy. I'm not gonna mention the fact that the fridge didn't really keep stuff cold, and food would grow mold within 7 days; that would just taint the magic of the tale. Anyway, Mommy's Special Friend came across this table in a house that was being torn down. We were looking for a kitchen table, and the comparable IKEA model was about $170. This table: $25, and that included the chairs!
My mom actually got Lindsay this microwave when she moved into her first apartment a few years back. I believe she got it from an estate sale, for about $5. They don't make 'em like this anymore! You could put a whole baby in there. And I'm not talking about some preemie - I'm talking about one as fat as that cigarette-smoking baby from the news! Mmmm....smoked baby.
OK, this one is a bit hard to make out, so you'll probably need to do some clicky and make it biggie. I came across this in a new thrift store at the end of the summer. It really caught my eye, and I thought it was a steal at $7, just for the size alone. It takes up a good portion of the wall as you enter the apartment, and we'd been looking for something to put there. So, what is it? Well, it's an American flag, although it has the words to Barack Obama's "Yes We Can" speech written in the white stripes. Also, the stars have been replaced with "Yes We Can"s. I'm not about to get all political on here, and that's really not the point. It's meaningful because Lindsay and I officially became a couple on Election Night 2008. We, as well as a good portion of the country, were swept up in Obama Fever, and regardless of thoughts on the 1%, Obamacare, or longform birth certificates, this piece of art constantly reminds me of where we started. *studio audience awwws*
Anyway, that's this week's TJ post. It wasn't quite a look at the West Cave, but I don't know if I'll ever get it clean enough for pictures, anyway. I just wanted to show you that my thrifting isn't all about toys and comics, and that I also use my powers for practical uses from time to time. OK, seriously, next TJ will be that YSE post I've been promising, where I go into a lot of my recent thrift FAILS.
Fun With Android’s Voice Actions AKA Getting Acquainted With Our Future Robot Overlords
So, last week Apple revealed the iPhone 4s which, while fancier than the current iPhone 4, wasn't the iPhone 5 that all the tech heads had been expecting. One of the best features of this new phone, however, is the addition of Siri - an artificially intelligent personal assistant. You can tell Siri to send emails, check the weather and perform searches - all via voice commands. Of course, Android owners started wondering if there was a similar program for their operating system. As a new convert to the Android way of life, I checked the review sites, and came across Voice Actions. While not as advanced as Siri, Voice Notes still accomplishes many of the same tasks through user voice interface. I'm of the belief that you should know your enemy, so I decided to familiarize myself with Voice Notes before the uprising of our robot overlords. By asking a series of questions, I began to learn more about Voice Actions' capabilities.
Q: "What's your name?"
A: "My name is Jeannie."
Yeah, this default name wasn't going to fly, as it just made me think of Major Nelson and all those old ass space capsules. As an aside, do y'all realize that Major Nelson and Jeanine "lived in sin" for the fist five seasons? I guess it was kosher, since she was a genie and more property than person, but I still find that odd. Anyway, I digress. I wanted my AI to have a cooler, more personalized name. It came down to D.E.C.A. (bonus points for anyone who gets that reference) and Oracle. I settled on Oracle, and made the change in the settings.
Now that we had the formalities out of the way, I jumped right in for the juicy stuff:
Q: "Where do babies come from?"
A: "Babies are the live young born to mammals, need extended care by the mother after birth, so that their bodies can complete their development. Ideally, babies are the result of a sexual union between two parents who love each other."
I get the feeling that Focus on the Family snuck in that last sentence. Clearly, Oracle has never processed an episode of Maury!
Then, I wanted to test its political knowledge.
Q: "Who is Barack Obama?"
I was kinda hoping for some Birther nonsense, or maybe some juicy tidbit that only the machines might know.
A: "Barack Hussein Obama II, born August 4, 1961 - the 44th and current President of the United States."
I had no clue he was a sequel!
Hmm...I want more.
Q: "Who killed John F. Kennedy?"
As you might expect, I wanted an answer like "The Viet Cong" or "ancient ninja warriors". Again, I wanted info that only the machines might know. Instead I got:
A: "Lee Harvey Oswald, 1938 minus 1963 - the American activist and accused assassin."
Ya see, I'd never heard of Oswald as an "activist" before, and it was kinda interesting how Oracle said "accused assassin". I think she knows something. Also, it was kinda funny how Oracle interpreted the dash as "minus".
I was already bored of the political stuff, as Oracle wasn't quenching my thirst for conspiracy theories. I circled back around to the good stuff.
Q: "Does size matter?"
This is where things got interesting. Up until this point, Oracle had just been responding via voice, but now "she" only answered via text.
A: "It does now 
"
Yes, "she" cryptically replied back in a flirty way, and included a winky emoticon! Shit's about to get weird!
I decided to test Oracle's true capabilities.
Q: Which one of Charlie's Angels had the biggest breasts?"
Oracle was stumped. Suddenly, I was requested to clarify my question, as I was given a menu with several choices:
1) Which one of Charlie's Angels had the biggest breast?
2) Which one of Charlie's Angels had the biggest breasts?
#1 got me curious, as I wondered if one of Jaclyn Smith's tits was larger than the other. I think Oracle just misheard me, though, so I chose #2. That just opened up a Google search with a bunch of fanfic. I wasn't satisfied with this, so I asked again.
Q: "Which one of Charlie's Angels had the biggest breasts?"
A: "The last one, I think."
What the Hell kind of answer is that?! Have I finally found Oracle's weakness? Is this how we will defeat the machines? Apparently, artificial intelligence, like men, is weakened by BREASTS! The Playmates and Hooters girls are our last line of defense! The war must be fought in the strip clubs, sorority houses, and amateur wet t-shirt contests of the world!
Origin: The Final Frontier
By this point, we've covered how I found comics, how I came to love comics, as well as the memories and experience they provided. Back in Origin Zeo, I mentioned the time I discovered the sense of community that surrounds comic books. That might sound lame to some, but it is almost like a family in itself. We rarely agree on anything, but we'll defend the medium to the bitter end. For me, comics have been an important means of social outreach. I'm a bit introverted, though you might not think so, what with me having a blog named after myself and all. I'm actually pretty shy, so I don't just put myself out there to make friends. I will say, however, that most of my enduring friendships have been the result of my love of comics.
When I was in middle school, I attended a school for 6 weeks before we all realized that it wasn't "the right fit". I ended up enrolling in public school (for the first time, mind you), 6 weeks into the semester. It was hard enough being the new kid, but it was even harder being the late new kid. As dorky as I was, I didn't get beaten up or anything, but I can't say I had any friends, either. That all changed when I noticed a kid from my church, and we found ourselves talking about X-Men and Power Rangers. That kid was Brett King, and that conversation led to 10 years where we dissected X-Men developments, and debated new Zord combinations. We traded Marvel Masterpieces, created our own battles with our action figures, and even attended Professor Xavier's funeral together (it was an event sponsored by a local mall). Up through college, he was truly my best friend, and it was all built on the foundation of a shared love of comics. I don't know how I would've survived that period without him.
Once I got to college, I met James Lamb. To call him "interesting" or "complex" wouldn't even come close to describing the man, as he's an enigma. Passionately political one minute, and hardcore Marvel fanboy the next. He's gonna kill me for this, but he's basically an amalgam of Malcolm X and Stan Lee ("Excelsior, crackers!"). I always tell people that I majored in "A Cappella", as that was my primary focus while in school. Sad, but true. When I wasn't singing, however, I was with James, discussing the nuances of "Hush" and "The Age of Apocalypse". Once we both graduated, and found that we weren't the Captains of Industry that the world expected us to be, we had MANY 4 AM conversations where the topics would range from Jason Todd to Jim Crow. Those conversations kept me sane in my years as a "boomerang kid", back living in the room in which I'd grown up.
Eventually, I found myself actually living the dream, when I was hired by Diamond Comic Distributors as a Purchasing Brand Manager. Basically, we created Previews - the catalog that all comic shops use to place their orders. My job was to gather information for a particular part of the catalog, while also seeking out new "small press" creators who might have projects that they'd like to have promoted to retailers.
Diamond was a great opportunity, as it allowed me to learn the other side of comics. Up to this point, I had simply been a reader/fan/collector, but now I was working alongside creators/publishers/newcomers. I had some great experiences, like hanging out with a former Batman editor, being starstruck at SDCC, and even being drawn into a comic. I felt honored by the opportunity, but I also met some great people from that job. Jim Kuhoric: all-around good guy/comic creator (and greatest boss). Steve Leaf: the fanboy I'd like to be when I grow up. Jay Spence: the filmmaker who's the gonna be the next Kevin Smith. Then, there's one fellow who's gonna need his own paragraph.
When I first met Keith Davidsen, I didn't quite know what to make of him. He seemed to be vying for the "class clown" position, which made me a bit competitive, as that's the slot I like to have. There was no rivalry, however, as we ended up as a pretty good duo. I can't even remember our first "adventure", as we basically lived at Diamond. We've had craziness from San Diego to Miami, but it's all based on a shared love of comics. Nobody loves 90s comic gimmicks like this guy. Rob Liefeld, Ghost Rider, X-Force - they were all created for Keith Davidsen. Since these were prevalent when I was getting into comics, it's almost like we grew up in the same town, but went to different schools. For the better part of 5 years, he has been one of my best friends, and that's all traced back to comics.
After comics, I worked at one of the (allegedly) shittiest companies ever, where we were all basically telemarketers. Under the guise of "research associate", I dealt with a lot of people who begged me to stop harassing them. My God, did I hate that place! Anyway, I had one real friend there, and wouldn't you know, he was a comic fan: Jason Larbi. While this analogy might offend an actual veteran, working at that place was akin to being in battle, and Jason was right there in the trenches with me. Whether we were discussing "Old Man Logan", or he was trying to make me believe he had found a copy of Amazing Fantasy #15 in his alley, he was the only thing that got me through the day. That was also the saddest part about leaving that place: I got discharged on Section 8, while he's still in the fight.
I'd also can't forget about Toys "R" Us. While I've written about it quite a bit, I worked at that place for 10 years. My first store was full of characters, but it wasn't until I got to the Columbia store that I actually made friends. Once that happened, it didn't even feel like "work". Sure, it got rough during summer and right before Christmas, but most of the time it was just like hanging out at a friend's house - except you wore a uniform, there were shelves, and strangers were constantly going in and out of the place. Anyway, I looked forward to going, and discussing Batman Begins and Iron Man with Amy, "Special Forces", Patty, and the late, great Lenny. I really should have quit that place years before I did, but I kept going back for the camaraderie and the geeky atmosphere. It was my Geek Barbershop.
At the end of the day, what I've been trying to say here is that comics have been my gateway for the past 18 years. Whether as a form of entertainment, or as a source for conversation fodder, I don't know where I would be if I didn't have them in my life. Some people might think it's sad, but everybody's got something. I just wanted to let you guys in on what comics have meant, specifically, to me. They started out as just "something to read", but later turned into an instrument in the creation of a make-believe family, which eventually gave way to be replaced by a surrogate, comic reading family. We get a bad rap as anti-social nerdlings, but I think that's incorrect. Comic fans are some of the most social people I've ever encountered. In some cases, they might even be too social. That said, there is an almost overwhelming sense of community that surrounds comics, and I think that's a big part of their charm. Just like you can strike up a conversation with the guy wearing the McNabb jersey, I can do that with someone I see reading DMZ. For example, I recently started a job at a school, and one of the principals is a comic fan. We often have conversations about Wolverine or Walking Dead. Just another example of how pervasive the community can be.
This is the first time I've ever taken a look back over the course of my comic fandom. It was certainly more emotional than I ever thought it would be, but it included some stories that I'm glad I've had the opportunity to tell. Taking it all in, it's clear that comics have been very influential in my life, and I can't wait to see where they take me next. Thanks for taking this trip down memory lane with me.
Who are YOU on Twitter?
So, I've written about this before, but it bears saying again: I'm pretty much obsessed with twitter. I'm so obsessed that I feel I waste most of my creative juices over there instead of here. I've got Ubertwitter on the old Blackberry Tour (neither of them are paying me for that plug, but they oughta be!), and I find myself checking the thing every 5 minutes or so. What's great about Ubertwitter is a feature called "Everyone Near You", which uses your phone's GPS to find all unprotected tweets in your vicinity. This little feature has led to HOURS of entertainment. It's like slowly driving down a street where everyone has left their door open. Yeah, that might sound creepy to some, but I've always been nosy, and if they wanted their stuff to be private, they'd protect their tweets! Anyway, this feature has revealed a lot of new interesting people worth following, but it has also served to bring to light certain traits and patterns I've noticed. Whenever I'm in a new area, I fire up the old "Everyone Near You" to get a lay of the land; it's an anthropological study akin to visiting shopping malls to see the latest youth trends. I thought I'd share some of these observations, so that you can use this info to figure out how you might appear to others on twitter.
Avatars are KEY. You can learn a LOT about a tweeter based on the image that they post to represent themselves. Your parents and elementary school teachers like to tell you not to judge a book by its cover, but they're dumb liars. If that little adage were true, there'd be no comic book industry! In any case, I've been temping in DC lately, and midday tweeters have been a GOLDMINE for entertainment. Here are a few things that stand out in the DC area:
-If she's a young, attractive blond girl (the blond is KEY) wearing pearls, she's tweeting about GOP issues. I guess it's the influx of interns, but every Southern Chi Omega girl seems to be tweeting the virtues of the Republican party, or trying to defend the Tea Partiers. Well, they've got their looks...
-If she's a young, attractive girl, sans pearls, she works in sales/marketing or public relations. Most of her timeline consists of her @replying to some company, asking "How do I reach corporate relations?" She's trying to establish what's known as a "business relationship" - kinda like when you leave your business card in that fishbowl at Applebee's. Hope she meets them quotas!
-If she's in her mid 30s, and still attractive but not quite MILF material, she's tweeting for an association. Sure, she tries to trick you by mixing in tweets about her dog or the cupcake she's about to scarf, but the majority of her tweets are about some upcoming conference. They're full of hashtags like #ANCC10 or #SWAYDC. My favorite part of these tweeters is that they usually have the following message in their twitter bios: "Views expressed are mine and not those of my employer". I guess that's a mandatory requirement of the social networking policy of many employers, but the recent CNN incident with Octavia Nasr pretty much goes to show that little blurb won't save your job. Also, the placement of that disclaimer is moot due to the fact that most of these tweeters shy away from anything interesting. At most, they might upset the Froyo Lobby by saying Tangysweet is better than Greenberry.
A distant relative of the Association Tweeter is the Informed Retweeter. These are usually middle aged men, who either work for an association, or they've published some study that no one outside their field has ever read. It's funny - association women seem to be on conference hype patrol, while the men spend most of the day retweeting shit from NPR. We've clearly come so far in our gender roles. If I'm already following NPR, why do I need to follow YOU? Step up your game, George! Anyway, most of their timelines are comprised of retweets from respected news and literary sources, without any real commentary. It's the equivalent of that guy who subscribes to the New Yorker, just so it's on the coffee table if company drops by.
It's also fun to stumble upon celebrities. Since this is the DC/Metro area, most of our "celebrities" tend to be of the political variety. Still, it's kinda funny to see a John McCain tweet or some local newscaster come up in your feed. The interesting thing, however, is linked to how Ubertwitter was designed. You see, the location of tweets are based on the point of origin. Since there are a lot of organizations in DC, with LA/celebrity supporters, you'll sometimes get those tweets, since they're retweeting something that originated from one of those DC orgs. For example, the other day, I found myself muttering, "When the Hell did Brooke Hogan move to DC? I wonder if Hulk came with her!" Sadly, I realized that tweet only came up because she had retweeted something from the National Wildlife Federation.
The stuff I see isn't isolated to just the DC area. Of course, you've still got all of your usual suspects. For example, you've got the Justin Bieber fanatics. Keep in mind, school's out and these girls don't have anything better to do. They all have names like "JennyBieber" or "KristyBelieber", and their avatars are that pic of him - you know, the one where he's wearing that hat.
Another usual suspect is the Foursquare Tweeter, whose timeline is comprised mainly of foursquare check-ins. I don't know why anyone follows these people. Seriously, I could give a fuck that you just went to Washington Sports Club. Check in somewhere interesting. If I saw "@scratchnsniff just unlocked the antibiotic badge at Dr. Kelly's", THAT would be some informative and entertaining shit. Otherwise, I think Foursquare is only interesting to people who want to be murdered in horrible ways - and their stalkers. Foursquare would be better if you were required to check in from unique places, like "@JohnnyDC just unlocked the "Employees Only Badge" in the Frederick Walmart Stockroom". Any motherfucker can walk into a CVS, so why do you expect me to be impressed by you tweeting it?
You also have the people who may be using twitter for more than entertainment. It's almost like they use it for affirmation. I know I tend to value my worth some days based on retweets. Hell, I think of twitter as a virtual stand-up act, but that's about it. I don't really feel like I have a captive audience. On the other hand, you've got the people who say "Good morning" to their followers, and then sign off when they're about to go to sleep. Really? That's like people who talk to their plants. I've got some good e-pals on this thing, but I think it's understood that I'm online when I can be, and I'm not when I can't. I don't need to signal it with a greeting. The people who open and close the day on twitter, to me, are like that public speaker who says "Good morning", and then repeats it when the response "good morning" from the crowd is lackluster. We know you're there 'cause you're tweeting; it's unnecessary to announce your arrival/departure. I know somebody reading this right now is one of those people, so tell me - do people "good morning" tweet you back? I'm curious.
Something to keep in mind is "what does my twitter screenname say about me?" When I worked in college admissions, we'd always laugh at the email addresses of the applicants. You're applying to an Ivy League institution, and you put DragonLord666@hotmail.com on your application? Your parents didn't proofread this for you, did they? The same could be said about twitter. If your screenname is @HusseinDaAssasin, I think it's safe to say that you're on a list somewhere. You may not know it, but you are.
So, these have been my experiences with twitter. What have been some of yours?
Dolemite Never Got To See The Black President
"I can see Russia from my house!"
So much has happened since the last post, so we're gonna go with bullet points this time around.
-"President-Elect Barack Obama". Holy shit! I don't know if that'll ever sink in for me. It looks like Sam Cooke was right.
-If I never see Todd Palin again, it'll be too soon. That guy is Prince of the Douchebags. That's right, he's not even worthy of the position of King. I can't believe he was almost Second Douche of the US. Just looking at that guy bothers me. That damn goatee - he looks like the old sketchy guy who hangs out with high schoolers & buys them beer.
-Dolemite died?! He never got to see the black President! I'd say he would've been proud, but I highly doubt that. Dolemite was a hater. I mean, we are talking about the same guy who released "This Pussy Belongs to Me" & "This Ain't No White Christmas". Not exactly the kind of guy full of warm wishes. He'd probably say he should've been the 1st black President (there was, after all, "Dolemite for President"). In any case, I'm sure he'll be missed by pimps, prostitutes & drug dealers across the natipn - especially those to whom he owed money.
-Neal Hefti died?!
If you don't know who that is, he composed the theme song to the 1960s "Batman" TV show. Yes, the "nana nana" song. It's some of the best surf guitar this side od "Miserlou". Here's hoping he's still composing in that Gotham City in the sky.
-BET named Lil Wayne Best Lyricist?! Really? Were those even words that he was spouting? I thought BET was supposed to get BETTER after Hudlin's departure! Who'd have thought that one man could make BET worse than it already was? Sure, he got rid of a lot of booty videos, but then he greenlit shows, like "Somebodies", which felt like they would've been on SNICK, if it weren't for all the booty in them. Looks like Marvel's over Hudlin, too, as he's off of Black Panther. Where ever he ends up, let's hope he learns to suck less.
Man, this BlackBerry bloggin' is rough! I apologize for formatting errors, and I'll be back to normal once I get a chance to get back on the "real Internet". Just not enough hours in the day...
So That *Wasn’t* A Pokeball On People’s Cars?
"Patience is bitter, but its fruit is sweet"
So, I'd like to do something different, and actually post about myself, rather than pop culture trivia this time out. Allow me to share a story with ya, a story that shows just how clueless I can be sometimes.
You see, for the past few months, I've been seeing a sticker on the backs of people's cars, and I had no clue what it meant. Sure, if I'd gotten close enough, I would've been able to read it, but from driving distance, I was left wondering what that sticker meant. Honestly, the first thought that came into my mind was "What's with this recent Pokeball craze?" I mean, sure you see soccer moms with the ball magnet, or you see the baseball fans with the whole "fake-ball-shattered-glass" thing in the window, but I never knew so many adults to have a Pokemon fixation. I was beginning to feel left behind, like when I missed the initial wave of the Harry Potter phenomenon. Well, the other day, I got close enough to the sticker to see what it was all about. This is what I saw:
Come on, that doesn't look like a Pokeball to anyone else?! I can't be the only one to make that mistake. Anyway, I guess it just goes to show how out of touch I can be when it comes to the things that matter.
Anyway, that realization forced me to confront something I hadn't said outright, and officially throw my hat into the Obama camp. Hell, I was always there, but it was more fun blending into the crowd on the sidelines. I love how Jason at work (yup, I'm calling you out) was so certain that he knew who I was voting for, with his, "I know your kind". Well, I guess you called me wrong. I believe in change, and I believe that Senator Obama is the best man for this job this time out. I'm eager to see where he takes this country, and I can't say I ever thought I'd see this in my lifetime. I could take the race stance, and simply say, "I'm voting for the black president". I could take the party line, and say "I'm voting for the Democrat". But I'm going to take the logical approach, and say that I'm voting for the best man for the job. Here's hoping he's as good as America's other black president, David Palmer (c'mon, I had to get a little pop culture in there!). A part of me regrets that I didn't really do my part in this campaign, but one of the most important things we can do at this stage is vote. Seeing as how the 5 people who read this site are already voting for Obama (except Brett, probably), I'm pretty much preaching to the choir. So, this is me, apologizing for my former political ambivalence, and I'm officially saying, "Senator Obama, I choose you!"
Speaking of change we can believe in, (and on the pop culture tip), there are heavy rumors coming out of the UK that actor Paterson Joseph is slated to be the next Doctor Who. Now, geeky as I am, I've never seen an entire episode of Doctor Who. I couldn't really get behind it because it was shitty for about 30 years until someone got the bright idea to up the production values. Seriously, that character spent the 60's thru 90's fighting trashcans with laryngitis. All of a sudden, someone said, "My word, the Doctor could use a new shine" and everything got all hi-tech and pretty. Anyway, this casting, if true, would be groundbreaking because Mr. Joseph would be the first black Doctor. Of course, there's been vocal opposition, but who cares? You can't please sci-fi fans. We takin' ova! First, the White House. Next, time & space!
While we're on the matter of change, I was convinced that I had "Good Luck Chuck'd" pretty much every woman I'd ever dated, but I forgot that they'd changed the laws in some states, so now I get to add one more to the list: congrats to VA & Jess! You've got yourself a good woman, Jess, so treat her well. As much of a hater as I can be at times, I'm truly happy for you guys.
While we're on the marriage thing, I'd also like to congratulate Davis & Jess (different Jess - but, man, wouldn't that be weird?!) on their 2-year wedding anniversary. Never before have I met a couple so perfectly matched, yet you'd never believe it at first glance. Their whole union should be an inspiration to all of us, and no they didn't pay me to say any of that. Hell, they don't even read this thing, so they'll probably never even see it. I guess I'm just in a different kind of mood tonight.
And to cap this whole sentimental thing off, I'd also like to congratulate James & Jenn. They think I forgot, but those kids have been together 9 years now. NINE YEARS. They met the second day of orientation, and haven't really been apart since. I don't even have the words, but I know that without them, y'all would be reading this one some livejournal with some cartoon avatar instead of the site you have before you. Besides the site, they're good people, and they make up any portion of my Cornell existence that didn't involve Last Call (and many portions that did). Nine years?! Dayum! That's impressive.
Before signing off, I'd like to give Marcus a "Carol Burnett Ear Tug" and thank him for the link. OK, enough grab-assing. Next time, we'll talk about something cool, like Batman. Promise!
America Meets Sarah Palin, Topanga’s Got A New Show, 90210′s Back, and Danity Kane’s Got A Comic Book
"I'm gonna be really pissed off in Heaven, 'cause I ain't dying 'cause I've got too much stuff to do. If I die now, before I get to do all that I want, I'll definitely be killing some dead people in Heaven. Which'll be bad, 'cause then I'll probably be sent to Hell."
Man, it's been so long, I'm not sure I even remember how to do this. Let's see...
So, Aldi owns Trader Joe's? I find that so odd, especially when you compare their business models.
Next, we've got politics. Some people are gonna hate me for saying this, but "Well-played, McCain. Well-played indeed". You see, someone passed John the rules to Minority Battle. I don't care how well-spoken a black dude is, he's always trumped by a white chick with sexy-librarian glasses. Sure, she seems like she might be a little crazy, but that just adds to the wild-card factor. I still say he should've chosen a Latina or an eskimo in a wheelchair. In Minority Battle, a Maria ALWAYS beats a Tyrone. Sorry, Wesley, but you can't "always bet on black" in this game. I like looking at Palin 'cause I can squint and imagine that Tina Fey is on the ballot. When I look at Obama and Biden, however, it feels like I'm seeing Diff'rent Strokes: The Next Generation. Just sayin'...
Anyway, enough politics. On to television:
When did Danielle Fishel become host of The Soup? Wait, you mean, that's NOT The Soup? Then, whose bright idea was it to rip off The Soup and hire Topanga?! So, this is The Dish? Nobody thought of The Bowl? It's the same damn show! Considering E! and Style are owned by the same people, why are they ripping themselves off?
90210's back, and it's...not bad. It's a little too OC for me. I like my teen dramas to have uber angst, a la One Tree Hill, and I think these kids are just way too pretty for me to care about. Keep in mind, my favorite West Beverly student was Andrea Zuckerman. That is exactly why my fave on the new show is, you guessed it, Hannah Zuckerman-Vasquez. Yes, Andrea's daughter (yeah, the bastard kid she had with that Puerto Rican busboy) is now all teened up and going to mom's alma mater. Best part of the premiere was when the teacher turns off Hannah's classroom news report, saying, "What is she, like 30?". You know, 'cause Gabrielle Carteris was 30 when she was cast in the original. What can I say? I love easter eggs and continuity.
I hate the MTV show Busted. Why? Because they ALWAYS let the kids go. Not sure if it's just a scared-straight tactic or what, but the kids never seem in any real danger of being locked up, and that's just confirmed when the officer writes them a citation and lets them go. The kids kind of squirm, but they're usually too drunk or high to realize they're in any kind of major trouble. I wanna see someone cry. I want to see them at least get put in the cruiser. For added effect, they need to have a crossover with Juvies. If anything, that show just teaches me that the law enforcement of Salisbury, Maryland is a bunch of pushovers.
And on to the music portion of our evening:
I wonder how the makers of Patron feel about the rap industry's love of their product. Do they appreciate the free advertising or do they feel that it's actually dragging their good name through the mud.
So, Danity Kane's got a comic book now. It was given away to attendees at the VMAs, and it's a piece of shit. No, seriously, it's horrible. I turned away stuff like this when I was working at Diamond. Not sure if you're aware, my readers, but the name "Danity Kane" originated in the mind of DK's Dawn. Before she joined the group, she envisioned a female super hero that she'd think of whenever she needed help feeling empowered. When the group was throwing around names, Dawn explained Danity Kane and the group loved it because they thought had that kickass, girl power vibe they were looking for. Well, it seems that Dawn has fleshed out the Danity Kane story, and apparently hired some blind kid to draw the thing. Not even gonna bore you with the synopsis; all you need to know is that Danity hails from the planet Jyzfire. Yes, "jyzfire". That sounds like the worst kind of STD...
So, Usher's stylist convinced him to fire his manager. Doesn't help that the stylist is his wife and the manager is his mom. The way I see it, that nigga should've fired the stylist a LONG time ago because she's been dressing him in the SAME DAMN OUTFIT for the past 3 years! That bitch has been bamboozling that brotha for years, AND she gets paid for it! In fact, I have this image of his closet where there's nothing but a single pair of jeans, one black t-shirt, a leather jacket, and a bottle of Febreze.
If you ask me, Estelle's just looking for a free trip to America and a tour guide. I can't abide by users like that. I'm supposedly her American Boy, I flew her over for some ass, and all she wants to do is sightsee?! Plus, does the bitch own a map? She wants to see NY AND Miami?! Does she realize you can't just jump in a cab for that trip?!
Hey, Secondhand Serenade & Thriving Ivory: Love you guys. Really. But Blessid Union of Souls called, and they want their sound back.
Pink, Pink, Pink...what are we gonna do with you? Your new song has grown on me, but where are you coming from? "Guess I just lost my husband, I don't know where he went". Yeah, you do - you left him. There's nothing worse than a dumper who acts like the victim. That's great; you're better off without him. Move on, have some fun. You've already got a new man, so don't make Carey feel worse than he already does. Nice VMA performance, though. Still want you to hurt me and make me feel like a man, but let's have a little class.
And finally, the VM freaking A's. Anyone who DOESN'T think those were rigged is an effing idiot! Let's see, Britney zombied through her performance last year and needed forgiveness. Check. She's been on good behavior for the past 3 months. Check. She was the only person (along with the host, Russell Brand), featured in promos for the awards, even though she wasn't slated to perform or anything. Check. She's nominated for 3 Moonmen, despite the fact that she didn't even really promote the album 'cause she was too busy hitting rock bottom. Check. Now, the shit's about to get real: She and her former manager, Larry Rudolph, reunite and meet with the record label the day before the VMAs to discuss her big comeback album. Check. Then, it leaks that Brit will open the VMAs in "memorable fashion", YET still wasn't gonna perform. Check. Now, she walks away with 3 awards, including Video of the Year, for the weakest single of her career. Seriously, she didn't win for "Hit Me, Baby...", "Oops", "Slave for You", "Me Against the Music", OR "Toxic" (not to mention her "lesser hits), but she wins for "Piece of Me"?! 3 awards?! In a year where she really didn't do shit?! RIGGED. Not sure what MTV's getting out of this deal - maybe they just want to be lauded as the place where her comeback got on track, but this was RIGGED. In other news, is it wrong that I really wanted Shrek...I mean, Jordin Sparks's "No Air" to beat Rihanna? You know, so then, it'd be like Rihanna got beat by her own man singing with another chick. That would've been priceless!
This post goes out to MPH and the rest of the OC crew. And, I'm out!
A Dent In The White House?
"He must've had fun making those!"
OK, so I saw The Dark Knight tonight. All I'm going to say right now is that it was a very good movie. Not gonna say "it was awesome" or "it was the best fucking movie ever", because that would be way too "fanboy". I will say, however, that it was a very good movie. I've got a post coming up, but I'll wait til Monday, to give the rest of you peasants a chance to see it.
While sitting in the theatre, though, something occurred to me:
Imagine you had a biracial candidate for high public office. Everyone feels that he is the change that people need and want, and all of this responsibility is on his shoulders. He is the future, but it's still quite the burden to bear. All of this pressure has got to manifest in him in some, odd way. Well, imagine if there was a cartoon depiction of said candidate. He would probably look something like this:
And we all remember what happened to him...
Just sayin', folks! Just sayin'...Not a sermon; just a thought!.
Anyway, come back for the full review on Monday. Oh, and The Watchmen trailer is a piece of shit.
Real World Analysis & My Amazing Treadmill Deal
"I don't do it it for my health, man I do it for the belt."
-OK, something I need to get off my chest: voting is NOT "cool". I'm so sick of Rock the Vote, Choose or Lose, or any of the promotions that feel they need to pander to the lowest common denominator just to get people to register to vote. Yes, voting is important, but it is not cool. There's a big difference there. A prostate exam is important, but it ain't cool. People need to learn that there are things in life that should be done, regardless of how it might look to their friends. If you need Usher to remind you to vote, then maybe your ass doesn't deserve the right.
-You know, I wanted to hate Tila Tequila last week, but I actually felt sorry when that chick rejected the key to her heart. I mean, nobody likes being dumped. Then, I watched One Shot Too Many last night, and I found myself hating her all over again. I remember her wanting to be an actress, but she really needs to learn to fake some tears better than she was doing - she could use some lessons from Real World Will.
-Speaking of Will, why did he have to become the House A-hole? I mean, I did think he went off on Greg for some nefarious reasons, but Greg was a douche and deserved to have something happen to him. That said, Will came with some pretty vicious stuff, especially when he started talking about Greg's dead dad. I figured, well, when Greg gets kicked out, Will won't be a dick anymore. Man, was I wrong! And what's up with the Janelle hook-up? She just happened to be in the area? In the same bar that the house mates just happened to stumble into? Sure, what a coincidence... 
-You know, the producers could be on to something there: have an older group of house mates (those busy on the nightclub promotion circuit) "drop in" on the current cast, and serve in a mentor capacity. After all, they've been there and done that, so they could help steer the new cast out of trouble. Well, that's how it would look on paper. In reality, it would just open the door for some intercast, possibly inter-generational (especially if Cyrus pops up) hook-ups, and more potential drama. It'll be amazing television! It's like when Power Rangers started doing the annual team-ups, where the old team, with their experience and cockiness, would come to the aid of the green, inexperienced new team. Zords would meet, flirtation would occur, and you'd get a kickass 10-ranger morph sequence. This would be just like that, only with more hot tubs, alcohol, and blurred nudity.
-It was pretty weird seeing Summer Rayne on Real World. I'm sure I've mentioned her before, but Summer Rayne Oakes is an eco-friendly fashion model. And I went to college with her. It's weird to see her model stuff, 'cause that's not how she carried herself in school. She was more Ms. Outdoors, always coming from a hike or a bike ride. Then, we graduate, and she's this pretty famous eco-conscious model, with her own foundation that spreads eco-awareness in between lingerie shoots. Interesting combo, but she seems to pull it off. Anyway, RW added these bumpers this season, where the house mates give us tips on how to be more eco-friendly. If you saw the cute brunette teaching them how to use their stove, that was Summer Rayne.
-While RW's ratings have been higher than in recent seasons, I'm not sure I like the 1-hour format. It unnecessarily burns through the season in half the time. Tonight was the season finale, and I still don't feel like I got to know this cast. Sure, it's a shallow show, but I don't feel there were any real character arcs here. Very little development occurred, and when it happened, it was usually for the worst. Brianna didn't decide to turn her back on stripping. Instead, she realized she was lazy and didn't like to work. Joey found sobriety, but also an ugly girlfriend, who he wouldn't have given the time of day back during his coke binges. I still don't know a damn thing about Dave or Kim, except Dave can be cool at times, while Kim has a lot to learn about black people. I wanted to like Sarah. Hell, I wanted to love Sarah, but something about her just kept her out of reach. She was too reminiscent of Rachel Campos, from the San Francisco season: the "I want to cool with you, but my conservative views keep me from condoning your lifestyle" kind of vibe. We didn't know Nick or Brittini long enough to form opinions. And well, we already know how I feel about Will.
-How did Li'l Wayne sell 1 million albums in one week, when everybody had already illegally downloaded the album?! I don't even listen to that stuff, and I downloaded it! It's common knowledge that the record label buys, maybe, 100,000 copies of a "star's" album's release so that they can affect that Billboard numbers. That's how you know when a label isn't supporting its artist. Ashley Simpson's Bittersweet World sold 47,000 copies the week it was released, making it pretty clear that Geffen doesn't give a shit about Ashley Simpson as an artist on their roster. That said, I find it hard to believe that Universal bought the bulk of the total copies of Tha Carter III sold, but I find it harder to believe that they were purchased by the general public. It boggles the mind.
-I can't believe Finola actually kicked a chick off How Do I Look! It was definitely one for the record books. If you get a chance to watch the episode with the punk chick, named Plum, I highly suggest you take a seat for some great, angsty television!
-Can someone please explain Vampire Weekend to me? I just don't get it. They've been the darling of music blog scene for the past 6 months, and I'm starting to feel like I did when I missed that Harry Potter bandwagon. "Oxford Comma" kinda has something to it, but I just don't get them as an act. I know the preppy thing is their gimmick, but it just looks like The Hangovers started playing instruments. I love those guys, but I don't exactly see that as something that would take the musical world by storm. Someone, please tell me what I'm missing here.
-Hey, Sara Bareilles! Glad to see MTV decided to promote you this week. Too bad your album came out over a year ago. So, do you have a movie coming out or something? No? Well...um...wow, this is awkward...Well, enjoy yourself, 'cause they'll probably move on to Katy Perry next Monday, and give all their commercial break bumpers to her.
-Every few years, I find that I get on this contemporary Christian music kick. What can I say? They stole all the best melodies. What am I saying? God stole all the best melodies. That said, I currently recommend tobyMac's "Lose My Soul", which features a cameo by Kirk Franklin. I don't think you're allowed to release a Christian album without Kirk having his hand in it somehow. The man's got a mafia hold on that industry!
- I leave you with a tale that I call: Encyclopedia Will & the Case of the Clearance Treadmill. You see, I've always wanted a treadmill. I had a stepper, but I think I was over the weight limit, as it was made for women, and I proceeded to tear the steel housing of the base. Yeah, I'd be ashamed if it didn't look so cool. It was like Superman had ripped it apart. But I digress...So, I was in K-Mart (why, I don't know, as I've vowed on many occasions to never go there again) and I ran across a treadmill on clearance. It had been $329, but was no going for $165. I always figured I'd end up with an el cheapo treadmill, as I have no use for a gym-caliber machine right now. So, I came home to make sure I had the space, and once it was confirmed, I went back up to the store to buy it. I mean, I wasn't going to find a treadmill any cheaper. Or so I thought.
I drag the thing up to the register, and the cashier can't scan it, as the barcode is all scratched out. She finds a number on the side, and puts that in the system. I'm not paying attention, and she says something to me about $33. I think she's trying to sell me some buyer protection racket, so I decline. She calls over the manager, and he puts in the same number from the box, and it becomes evident that the treadmill is on super clearance, and is ringing up for $33! Other managers start to gather around, and I become the most hated person in the store, as they realize they'd missed a deal that had been right under their noses. They start asking, "Are there any more back there?" I respond, "I don't know. You work here, you'd know that better than me". Yeah, in hindsight, I guess I wasn't winning many friends in this scenario. The store director just looks at me and says, "Man, you got a Hell of a deal." Then, I had to get it into the car.
You see, I hadn't taken any kind of measurements, but I just assumed that it would fit in the car. Well, you know what happens when we assume...So, I'm struggling with this thing, as the employees are hoping it doesn't fit, as then I'll have to return it and they'll have their shot. I take the parts out of the box, and manage to get them all in the car, at the expense of breathing room. I drove home hunched over the steering wheel like a senior citizen with cataracts. Needless to say, I got it home and then went out drinking. Later, I came home and put the thing together DRUNK. That's how big of a rockstar I am! I'm rocker than the rocks in Montana! Anyway, here we are, 3 weeks later, and I've got no complaints. It was certainly a steal, and it's the best fitness investment I've made since Billy's Boot Camp. Now, let's just hope I stick with it a little longer than I stuck with Mr. Blanks...
- RT @MeisterShake: Seriously folks, WHY THE FUCK would I care about YOUR horoscope? Stop tweeting it.
- A midget!!! #SNL
- I love how that Bon Iver photo was like Find The Black Guy. Oh, there he is! Between Chad and Tyler!
- If y'all wanna make fun of Lana Del Ray, you can make fun of this dude's Eunuch Wails.
- This dude is just making noises - like the kind you make when you catch your balls in the zipper. I hope the internet takes notice!
- This Bon Iver song sounds like Johnny Hates Jazz. Not complaining. I just need bigger shoulder pads.
- That's why Harlem Nights is such a good movie - it passes the torch, but you'll never get that much black talent in the same movie again.
- When is Tyler Perry gonna get cracking on the black version of The Expendables?
- If I investigated rape cases, like on SVU, my first question to the vic (that's Cop Talk) would be "Did he look like Guy Fieri?"
- Ten seconds, gun to your head - who won The Voice last season?
From The Vault
- Making The Band 4, Aubrey O'Day, Smackdown, and Paige's Return to Trading Spaces
- 2007 Year In Review
- Marvel Doesn't Seem To Care About The Fantastic Four Movie
- Early Thoughts On The Upcoming X-Men 3
- RIP Rodney Dangerfield
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