22nd Nov2013

West Week Ever – 11/22/13

by Will

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Who knew you guys would like a post about Pure Moods?! That was my most popular post in a LONG time. Hell, it even did better than West Week Ever. So, after today, every week will be Pure Moods Friday!

I’m kidding. Even I can’t eke that much material out of a compilation CD series. Still, I’m glad you enjoyed it, and thanks for reading it!

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I found myself in the middle of a flame war this week, as I cosigned a friend’s opinion on a porn star’s bad tit job on Twitter. Turns out said porn star knows how to use Google, and got all offended. Hey, get mad at your doctor, not us! Anyway, this led to a rebuttal post, then her PR guy got involved, trying to make me and a bunch of folks look bad. At the end of the day, I’m not sorry for what I said, which was that she was either dumb or just got around to googling herself since the offending tweet was sent a month ago. I, personally, didn’t say anything about her atrocious tits. Whoops! Oh well.

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It took an SNL performance and several more listens, but Artpop has finally grown on me. The strongest songs are “Venus”, “G.U.Y.”, “Dope”, “Gypsy”, and the title track, “Artpop”. Still don’t think it’s as strong as Born This Way, but I was pretty hard on it last week. It also debuted at #1, so it’s got that going for it. Still, 5 strong songs out of 15 isn’t great, especially when it’s the other songs that’ll probably be released as singles.

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Something’s been bothering me about this season of How I Met Your Mother – have they retconned Robin’s sister? If you go all the way back to season 2, Robin’s younger sister, Katie, comes to town and plans to lose her virginity. The gang talks her out of it, and she decides to wait. And then she was never mentioned again. In the middle of all the Robin/Robin Sparkles flashbacks, it’s almost like she was an only child. Apparently, Robin lived with her mom during the Sparkles years, so maybe it’s a half sister? Either way, she hasn’t been mentioned since that episode, yet there’s a wedding on the horizon, and still no one’s mentioning her. Hell, they finally broached the topic of Robin’s mom (who won’t be making the trip to the ceremony), but still haven’t mentioned the sister. This seems kinda sloppy for a show that has always tried to do right by its continuity.

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In the past, I’ve written about Geeks for Tots – the holiday contest run by The Robot’s Pajamas. Sadly, due to work and school commitments, Geeks for Tots won’t be happening this year. All is not lost, however, as Infinite Hollywood has an alternative: Infinite Toys for Tots. Basically, the site will match any toy donation that you can prove with a picture of you dropping a toy into a Toys for Tots bin. GFT used to get a lot of backlash for the fact that donors could win prizes for donating. People would say, “Why can’t you just donate for the pleasure of doing something good?” Well, this does just that, as you get nothing but that squishy feeling! You can read more about it here, but let’s help some less fortunate kids to have a great holiday season!

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Speaking of the holiday season, now would be a great time for you to revisit Will’s World of Wonder. We’ve been quiet, but we’re still alive and kicking. In fact, I recently added a bunch of vintage Power Rangers zords, as well as some other trinkets. When you’re looking for something special for the fanboy in your life, choose Will’s World of Wonder!

Though I haven’t sung with them in 10 years, my collegiate a cappella group, Last Call, just released their new album. It sounds great, and if you’re a fan of music without accompaniment, you can get it from iTunes. Here’s a sampler:

Links I Loved

Dave Holmes on TRL, Jesse Camp and 1998’s Other Big MTV Moments – Vulture

Stretching Spandex Over Melanin Won’t Make Comics More Diverse – The Nerds of Color

Tanya Tate’s Boobs (Risky for Work) – The Robot’s Pajamas

The 50 Sexiest People Born in 1985 – UnderScoopFire!

Comics are for Children – The Nerds of Color

Best-Lock Continues Its Reign of Terrible Licensed Construction Toys with Stargate SG-1 – Double Dumbass On You

One had a city in the palm of his hands, while the other was just holding her boobs. One is helping the needy, while the other is kinda seedy. Only one, however, had the West Week Ever.

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No one had a week like Batkid. Technically, he probably should’ve had the West Week Ever last week, but his takeover of San Francisco happened after the post was published. Still, nothing that happened this week even came close to the media juggernaut of a little, cancer-stricken kid fighting crime with 10,000 volunteers in his corner. They say that the whole day will end up with a price tag of $105,000, but who cares, really? It seemed like a pretty fun day for all involved. If anything, I feel sorry for the Make-A-Wish Foundation, as this just raises the bar for them. It used to be kids only wanted a giant ice cream sundae or a few minutes to visit with John Cena. Now, they’re ALL gonna wanna take over cities. The charity world will never be the same after this, and that’s why Batkid had the West Week Ever.

05th Jun2013

Thrift Justice – One For Me, And One For You

by Will

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Welcome back to another installment of everyone’s favorite feature, Thrift Justice! As most of you know, I run Will’s World of Wonder, where I happen to resell a lot of the stuff that I find. Today, I’m gonna show you some stuff that I got for myself, but also some stuff that I particularly plan to resell.

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I collect deluxe Power Rangers Megazords, and I’ve been looking for the yellow Turbo Rescue Zord for quite some time. Luckily, I finally tracked it down, and I was able to complete my Turbo Rescue Megazord:

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For some reason, yellow Zords tend to be the hardest for me to find when I’m trying to assemble Megazords in piecemeal fashion. I also needed the yellow Lightspeed Rescue Zord, which I happened to get through a Craigslist deal.

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As life likes to play cruel jokes, it turns out Special Forces had one that he was planning to give me later that day. Anyway, I now have a complete Lightspeed Megazord:

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To wrap up the Power Rangers trifecta, I tracked down the yellow Jungle Fury zord from another Craigslist lot. If you recall, I’d had some issues with this zord in the past. Anyway, I finally have the correct one, and I now have a complete Jungle Pride Megazord:

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I haven’t talked about it in a bit, but I was quite the Stargate fan. From SG-1 to Universe (never really cared for Atlantis), I loved the Hell out of that franchise. That’s why I was pleased to find this talking Hallmark ornament for $0.99.

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The likenesses may not be spot on, but it plays actual dialogue from the show. This is the kind of ornament that won’t be restricted to just Christmas. This is a year-round ornament!

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This will come off as sacrilege to some, but I’ve never been a Monty Python fan. Don’t find it funny. Only bit that ever remotely made me laugh was the whole “It’s merely a flesh wound” thing. Anyway, I’m no fool when it comes to collectibles, so I snatched up this 14-disc complete series set for $15. I’ve currently got it on Amazon, as I’m not sure it’s the kind of thing that appeals to my typical WWoW clientele.

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If you’re familiar with the comic industry, then you probably know about the Kubert School, which specializes in cartooning and graphic design. Started by the late, great artist, Joe Kubert, many of the industry’s hottest artists are alumni of the institution. The Kubert School also runs a sort of correspondence course, with lessons focusing on different topics. This oversized book is the course textbook for the Horror course. These typically come in a kit sold for $250, but I picked this up for $3.63. It’s never been used, so I shouldn’t have a problem finding an artistic buyer for it.

Anyway, I’ve got to cut this short, as I’m on my way to Ithaca, but thanks for reading. Be sure to come back Friday for West Week Ever!

10th Nov2011

The Greatest Haul FINALE

by Will

Yeah, so…if you’ve been following this site recently, you’ll remember that I started a whole multi-part “saga” that I called “The Greatest Haul”. Basically, it detailed my first full foray into the world of yard sales.

At the time, I thought I’d uncovered the mother lode. I boasted on Twitter that what Id acquired would make all of my followers weep with jealousy. I couldn’t compose all my thoughts at the time, so I thought I would draw things out – make it a mega event for the site. The problem, however, is that the bloom wore off over time. There was no “greatest haul” – there was just a haul.

What started out as an “investment” really revealed itself as a pile of stuff in the guest bedroom. Sure, the stuff would definitely be of interest to someone, somewhere, but I really didn’t have the avenue through which to connect them. It would need to be sorted and organized, and researched. At the end of the day, I’d gotten a great deal on a bunch of great stuff for which I really didn’t have a use.

A good portion of the haul was comprised of trading cards. Baseball, football, hockey, Marvel Universe – Hell, even Stargate and In Living Color cards. I chucked most of the nonsport cards (that market’s DEAD), and I found myself with roughly 7,000 sports cards. Well, through the magic of craigslist, I sold those off for a tiny profit. Still, I was left with the comic & toy portion of the haul. What to do with all of that stuff? And then it hit me. Just as one comic event leads into the next, I realized the Greatest Haul had to end so that the next big thing could begin. This would be the biggest, craziest project I’ve ever come up with, but it opens up a world of possibilities. What might that be? Well, you’ll just have to check back tomorrow.

02nd May2010

DC Comic-Con: Well, There’s Always Next Year…

by Will

So, today marked the 1st (annual?) DC Comic-Con. However, in this case, “DC” meant “Northern Virginia”, and “Comic-Con” meant “church bazaar”. I really had high hopes for this show. Established as a joint effort between Baltimore Comic-Con creator Marc Nathan, and the Laughing Ogre chain of stores, the show was poised to give the DC-Metro Area its first taste of a somewhat “official” comic book convention. Considering how great the Baltimore show has become over the years, this venture held a lot of promise. Unfortunately, something went wrong between idea and execution.

Now, I was actually supposed to volunteer for the show, as I first learned about it when I was in Marc’s store a few months back. He had a really good idea: he was already hosting a Free Comic Book Day signing in his store, so he figured he would just offer those guests an extra night’s hotel stay, and have them as his guests for the show. On top of that, he was going to make sure that all of the local shops had flyers available on FCBD, so that he could take advantage of the newcomers who might be flocking to stores. Considering his guest list was going to include Frank Cho (Ultimate Avengers 2, Liberty Meadows), JG Jones (52, Marvel Boy), Jo Chen (Buffy Season 8 covers), and others, it sounded like it couldn’t fail. Of course I wanted to be on board with that! He told me to show up early, and he’d put me to work. Well, fast forward to this morning, as I didn’t get to sleep until 7 AM because I’d been up working on restoring older entries to the site (I’ll explain that situation in another post). So, considering I wasn’t getting to sleep until about 3 hours before the show started, I simply muttered “Fuck that noise”, and went to sleep.

Over the past few days, I guess I lost most of my interest in the show when it didn’t seem like anyone really knew about the thing. I was in a comic shop yesterday, where I overheard someone talking about it, but their account of the thing was riddled with misinformation. On top of it, these were the retailers, themselves, and not just some fanboys standing around. So, it was becoming apparent that those flyers hadn’t made the rounds as planned. Also, the website was only updated intermittently. By Thursday, in total, there had only been about 5 update posts – none of which contained any major information, outside of the list of creators who’d be present. The only show-exclusive item was a variant cover of Witchblade, which would benefit the Hero Initiative. That’s good for the Hero Initiative, but the whole “Show Exclusives” part of the site looked pretty sad, as nothing else was being listed alongside it. It’s almost like, “Why bother?”

The worst crime of the site, however, was that it didn’t even list information pertaining to the price of regular admission. It stated that tickets would be available at the door, and not in advance (unlike the Baltimore show). Also, admission would be $5 IF you signed up for the e-mail newsletter. What if I don’t want to sign up? Well, there’s no information for that scenario. Guess I would just have to find out at the door…

So, I woke up around 11:30, and really debated whether or not I wanted to even bother with it. I had told Marc I’d volunteer, but it’s not like he really cared. He’d be OK. The main thing, though, was that I didn’t really know how to get to George Mason University. Sure, there’s Mapquest, GPS, and all that, but I hate the thought of trying to navigate a college campus. Cornell was basically the entire town of Ithaca. I knew GMU wasn’t that big, but I didn’t want to waste most of the day wandering around aimlessly. I checked the con’s site, only to see that they had uploaded a map of the campus, showing the location of the show, as well as the lot (Lot A) which was the only one open to con guests. Nice of them to post this…on May 1st. Yeah, they did it yesterday. The day before the show.

Honestly, though, I really just wanted to go so that I could finally meet one of my twitter pals. He’s one of the few people I can actually have a tweetversation with, and I think he’d be a cool “real life” friend. I knew he was making the trip from Baltimore, so if he could do that, then I could suck it up and drive to VA.

I headed down to GMU, but I was looking at the map on my phone, as I didn’t have the chance to print it. The Zoom option didn’t want to work, so I was flying blind. Once on campus, I couldn’t, for the life of me, find Lot A. Driving around Patriot Circle, the signs about the show/lot simply ran out. I ended up parking in the lot for a shopping center across the street from the campus. I didn’t want to risk tickets/towing by parking in the wrong campus lot, and I don’t mind walking. If I had found Lot A, it would’ve been a “5-10 minute walk” to the show. I’m not sure if that estimate was for the “normal” person, or for us geek types, who don’t have much in the way of cardio training.

I wandered through campus a bit, and actually walked past Lot A. It wasn’t much closer than the shopping center, so I didn’t feel too bad about my choice. Since the main campus seems to be configured in the middle of a circle, it wasn’t too hard to figure out the general direction of central campus. That said, all of the buildings, while nice and new, all pretty much look the same. Every now and then, I’d see a fat kid carrying a bag of comics, coming from the general direction in which I was headed, so that was an encouraging sign. Eventually, I just had to suck it up, and ask some kid where the Student Union was. Luckily, it was right around the corner from where I was. Keep in mind, this whole walk, which was in the CORRECT direction, contained NO signage to imply that I was headed in the right direction. I couldn’t have been the only one to experience this. Sadly, I arrived just in time to receive a tweet saying that my twitter pal had just left.

Anyway, once at the student union, there was nothing outside to indicate what was going on inside. No “DC Comic-Con Here!” sign. The only clue was that there were more slovenly kids with bags of comics, and a line at the ATM. Once inside, I realized that it wasn’t exactly a well-oiled machine. Admission turned out to be $5, so I guess the newsletter tactic was a bust. The problem was that, after I paid the money, the guy manning the table was more concerned with me filling out a raffle ticket than with giving me my wristband. People were bunching up around me, so once I was done, his partner tried to charge me another $5 before he’d give me the wristband. I told him I’d already paid, and the 1st guy co-signed it, so I got my wristband. That’s when I entered the “ballroom” where the show was being held…

You know your grandma’s church? The one that’s old and drab ’cause only old people attend? The one where they hold bazaars in the drab auditorium? The same auditorium which has a stage up front, as they sometimes use it to present the Christmas Cantata? Well, that’s exactly what this venue was like. It had a very “flea market” vibe to it. The entire room was filled with vendor tables, while something seemed to be happening onstage. I started to make the loop, but people were just in the way. This is a common problem with conventions, as everybody wants to bodyblock the longboxes until they’re done looking through them – very territorial.

As I’m walking through, I realize I recognize a lot of the vendors. After all, I used to frequent those little comic shows they hold at the Crowne Plaza in Tysons. Yup, there was the guy with one arm. There was the jerk from Columbia. There was the dude who always gives me the stink eye. The gang was all there. As I continued around, something became VERY apparent to me: the vendors had only brought their older comics OR their junk. So, if you were new to comics, your only options were overpriced yellowed books from the ’70s or a bunch of $1 bin books from the mid ’90s. I was kind of offended by this, as it implied that none of the vendors had taken the show seriously. Just as the place looked like a church bazaar, they were treating it as one. As I walked around, I overheard a lot of grumbling amongst the vendors, as the show clearly hadn’t met their expectations. Now, I’m not sure if they were unhappy with the turnout, or the lack of sales, but I have to lay some of the blame on the vendors themselves. Outside of the shitload of unnecessary Deadpool variant covers released over the last few months, the vast majority of vendors didn’t have any books published within the last five years. On top of that, it was a great show for anyone looking for cheap trade paperback collections, but the single comic offerings were piss poor. One guy was selling “new comics”, one of which was an issue of Amazing Spider-Man that came out six months ago. Now, considering that series comes out thrice-monthly, that book is basically a year and a half old, when compared to other comics. That’s not NEW.

I made about 5 loops around the room, and couldn’t find ANYTHING on which I wanted to spend money. It was all junk. Hell, I was so disgusted that I passed up the FCBD books that some guy had leftover from yesterday. I bought the DC Comic-Con exclusive Witchblade because it was the show’s ONLY exclusive, and I wanted to have proof of the show’s existence in case it’s never held again. It helped out the Hero Initiative, though I’ve never exactly been sold on that organization (look up its guidelines some time – there’s a a VERY narrow pool of creators who even qualify for its assistance).

The saddest part of the convention was the lone Joker who was skulking around the show floor. This dude looked terrible! I mean, his costume was good, but he just looked depressed, and I’m not sure if it was part of his cosplay. I think he just felt out of place, as he was the ONLY one in cosplay that I saw. They were granting free admission to anyone who showed up in full costume, but he’s the only one who looked like he may have taken advantage of that offer. In any case, I eventually saw him hiding behind a pillar, fervently texting someone. Maybe he was asking Batman to come and take him back to Arkham. After all, that HAD to be a better option than where he was at the moment!

Oh, remember the commotion onstage? Well, that’s where those big name creators were set up. It was so awkward, however, as they were elevated over the rest of the show floor. To add to that, any fans wishing to get signatures & sketches had to wait off to the side of the stage. When it was their turn, they went up, as if they were about to receive a diploma. I’m being overly dramatic, but it really looked like an elitist setup, as we were all waiting to “pay tribute”. I already had signatures from all of them, so I didn’t even give it a second thought.

While on Loop #5, I noticed one vendor, who also happened to be the only vendor who was even remotely friendly to me, had a bunch of old toys for sale. Really old toys. That’s when I saw them: the Hasbro figures from the Stargate movie. Kurt Russell as Jack O’Neill, James Spader as Daniel Jackson, and nary a trace of likeness rights between them. Despite looking nothing like the actors, I LOVE Stargate, and I couldn’t shake a stick at the price tag of $3 each. As I took Daniel and O’Neill to the vendor, he laughed and told me he would cut me a deal for all of them. There were 6 figures, and he said he’d give them to me for half price. Now, I’m normally a sucker for a deal, but I really had no use for Lt. Kawalsky and Horus figures. I mean, Kawalsky looked just like O’Neill, but had a different color shirt, and I don’t care about grunt soldiers from a defunct toy line. I could’ve had them all for about $3 more than I spent, but I just didn’t want more junk in my apartment. I’m gonna hang Daniel and Jack on the wall, like the kitsch that they are. I simply had no use for the others.

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The very second after I completed that transaction, I headed for the door.  I didn’t care about the raffle, or the door prizes, or spending another second in that place. I walked out the door, and didn’t look back.

While I had major problems with the venue, I think my main disappointment came from the fact that I had held such high expectations. It’s really a matter of semantics: this was not a convention, but a show. A comic convention is an experience. There are vendors, panel discussions, and it provides fans with the chance to meet their favorite creators. A comic show, however, is simply about selling. Vendors bring their backstock inventory, and hope to unload some of it to people who are trying to fill holes in their collections. Shows don’t always have guests, and when they do, they don’t tend to be “marquee”. This show definitely fit the latter definition. It was geared toward the collector, and the older collector at that. It didn’t serve as a proper introduction for the new fan, nor as encouragement to the casual fan. I’m a collector, and it didn’t even fit my needs, so I’m left to wonder what was the target audience for this show. It’s got some reputable names behind it, so maybe this was a case of “1st year mistakes”. I didn’t exactly have an amazing time, but fanboys are gluttons for punishment, so I’m not giving up on it completely. After all, there’s always next year…

10th Oct2006

Dr. Daniel Jackson: My, How You’ve Grown…

by Will

“That sounds massive!”

So, while we’re on this sci-fi kick, there’s something else I’d like to talk about: the “girl crush”. Lately, there’s this phenomenon where it’s cool for girls to list other girls that they find appealing. But what bothers me is that this doesn’t work the other way for guys. There’s no “boy crush” because that’s gay. And I hate that society is like that. So, I would like to break down these walls and, secure in my sexuality, I would like to coin “boy crush”. Now, I haven’t googled it or done any research, so maybe the concept has already been created by some other blogger, like Perez, but that doesn’t count. So, who’s my boy crush?

Dr. Daniel Jackson, as portrayed by Michael Shanks on Stargate:SG-1. Why did I choose him? Oh, let me count the ways.

1. He’s brilliant. No, for real. I mean, he’s the world’s foremost expert on ancient dialects, but with no outlet for this talent, he found himself teaching English to foreigners. That is, until the Air Force came for him regarding the Stargate Program. Why him? Because he was the ONLY ONE ON EARTH who knew how it worked. Just think about that for awhile. Who do you know who is the only one on Earth with a certain talent? You’ll probably think of someone just to piss me off, but now ask yourself: Does so-and-so’s talent compare to the ability to contact new planets and galaxies? No! Beat that!

2. He’s resilient. This is a guy who has come back from the dead more times that Jesus & Jean Grey combined! He even ascended to virtual godhood and said, “You know what? I think I’m over this. I’m gonna go back to being a human.” That’s hardcore. That’s like Thor saying, “Verily, I tire of protecting Midgard. I’m going to buy a condo in Miami.”

3. Umm…look at him. He went from this:

To this:

This transformation took place over a mere five year period. I mean, that’s motivational right there. And what does a makeover like THAT get ya? A hot wife like this:

Hmm…now, I’m perplexed. Is my boy crush on Jackson or Shanks? Both, maybe. But let’s bring it back to Jackson, and this is the bonus round:

In the movie Stargate, Jackson was portrayed by James Spader.

I frickin’ love James Spader. Why? Because in every role, he is nucking futs! He is so unpredictable, and you’re just waiting to see what he does next. Say what you will, but that’s hot.

So, what have we learned here? Well, no matter how hetero you might be, boy crushes are a gateway. My boy crush on Jackson revealed yet another on Shanks, and another on Spader. This is the kind of thing they teach you in church. You like one boy, and the next thing you know, you’re on the wrong side of a glory hole in some Texas rest stop. But it’s not like I wanna do ‘em; I simply want to be them. That’s the basis of my admiration.

P.S. Daniel, when you get back from P3X-775…call me?

10th Oct2006

Women In Space: The Beer Goggle Effect Of Science Fiction

by Will

“Why am I successful? Because I’m a fucking daredevil!”

So, today we’re going to talk about a topic that’s been on my mind for the past few days: the women of science fiction.

Yes, it has come to my attention that the mouth-breathing, D&D-playing sci-fi fanboy stereotypes will accept ANYTHING as “hot”. What I mean is, any woman in science fiction is considered hot, whether she deserves the title or not. Now, I’m not sure if this is some form of “geek goggles” or simply the fact that these people are happy to be able to mix their 2 favorite interests: sci-fi and boobies they’ll never touch. Case in point: Marina Sirtis A.K.A. Counselor Troi on ST:TNG. For all accounts, she’s just a gypsy with a rack. And not some beautiful exotic woman. No, she’s a dime-a-dozen gypsy with a rack.

Or, while we’re on the topic of Star Trek, let’s look at DS9. I know a lot of guys who loved Dax (Jadzia, not Ezri). While Ezri was adorable, Jadzia was NOT. In all honesty, the pickin’s were slim in the Gamma Quandrant, seeing as how Rom bagged the only hot chick available. I mean, you either go for the militant war brat who looks like a boy, or you take the rather plain chick with the mole problem and the slug in her womb. But, sci-fi fans still found that hot.

Staying on the Star Trek theme, it just gets progressively worst. I mean, who’d have thought they’d have “butterfaces” in the 24th century, but Seven of Nine was certainly one of them. Jeri Ryan is NOT a pretty girl. For futher proof, look to “Boston Public”, “Shark”, or any cameo she’s done in the past few years. Sure, the body’s there, but the face was being put in on Tuesday (Man, I hope someone gets that reference…). Yet, the horny, nacho-munching fanboys still proclaimed her hotness.

Well, I’ve been perplexed by a few new entries into the genre. First off, there’s Claudia Black. Since the beginning of “Farscape”, I have heard and read how “hot” and “gorgeous” she was. She was a “butt-kicking beauty”. Well, I don’t see it. First off, I don’t even understand the appeal of “Farscape”. It’s “Muppets in Space”. And people wonder why it got cancelled. Now, she plays Vala on SG-1. I can say, loving her character, “she’s got a great personality”. I mean, she really brings life to that show after 10 seasons, but is she “hot”? I can give her “cute”, but that’s due to her mannerisms. I mean, let’s go to the viewers at home. This is what we’re talking about:

Kinda mannish, right? I mean, isn’t that the chick who works at the library? Not the hot one, the OTHER one. Yeah, her.

But then we’re given a picture like this one:

Body’s great, beautiful color. But I just can’t get over that face. So, you tell me: Is Claudia Black hot? ‘Cause I really can’t tell.

Which leads us to our next subject: Billie Piper. Now, many of you may not remember this, but back in ’98, our good friends across the pond saw the success that Britney Spears was having and they decided to make their own. The result? Billie. Yes, the one-monikered pop princess had it all, including the obligatory heavily tabloided relationship with Richie, from the boyband 5ive. The UK had their very own Britney & Justin. But all efforts to make her successful outside of England failed. You may have seen her one-hour special on UPN following one of the airings of that Spice Girls special they kept showing. Outside of that, no red, white and blue for Billie. Just like all pop relationships, Rich & Billie broke up amid controversy. She married a 40 yr-old (she was 18 at the time) and Richie was seen studying for the flight attendant’s exam following the breakup of 5ive. Fame is a cruel bitch. Billie’s marriage failed, but she bounced back as an actress, and her current gig is the revival of “Doctor Who”. Now, to most Americans who don’t watch PBS, they’re thinking “Dr. WHO?” No, that’s his name. Some bullshit about a phonebooth that does something and the main character changes his look every few years so they can hire new actors. Don’t ask me; I’m still trying to understand a lot of Monty Python, and can’t be bothered with more highbrow British stuff. I’ll take Eastenders anyday. But I digress…

Billie is The Doctor’s sidekick of sorts. Once again, the sci fi rags have named her some sort of science fiction babe. But I don’t think it’s because she’s hot. I think it’s because she’s the only chick in the show. It’s the same kind of “default factor” I was talking about with DS9. I mean, Exhibit A:

“Blimey! Lay off me fish & chips, luv!” That is not a hot girl. Even holding a gun (a lame ass piece, at that!), this is not an attractive woman. In fact, I think this is the bitch at CVS who keeps messing up my prescription. West Virginia Welfare Queen? Maybe. Sci Fi Babe of 2006? I think not.

I wish I had a better picture, like I did of Claudia, but all I could come up with was this:

Even glammed up, that was the best they could do. Why do I get the feeling that she’s wearing Jordache at this photo shoot?

So, what’s my message here? Fanboys, I need you to step away from the Everquest and stop working on your Battlestar Galactica costume. Listen up: I am one of you, but I am in sheep’s clothing. By attempting to be “normal”, I have learned things about the outside world. And one thing I’ve learned is that not all women in space are hot. Sure, there’s not much to compare them to, what with the aliens with the weird foreheads and the cyborgs walking around. But just because she’s got a rack, and she’s in space, it doesn’t make her hot. I need you to take a deep breath (through your nose; get your inhaler if you must), and just take a look out your window. Yes, you’re going to have to endure sunlight for this one. There are beautiful women out there, on Earth (!), and I need you to get to know them, even if from afar, so that you may develop more discerning tastes. Right now, you are blinded by the spandex and the cerebral implants. Look a woman in the eyes, and NOT her communicator, and you just might find your life changed. Thank you, and live long and prosper.

29th Aug2006

Joyce DeWitt Hair, The DCU, Craigslit?, and Jenna Von Oy’s Ass

by Will

“If he dies, he dies.”

So, I have neither the energy nor the internet connection to sit through typing the adventure I teased a few weeks ago. Don’t worry; it’s coming. But for now, I thought I’d go for a stream-of-consciousness post. Jenn calls hers “Cerebrogenesis” or something like that. I give you:

BRAINFARTS

-Why is it that, when people adopt little girls from China, they always get them that “Joyce DeWitt” haircut? I mean, do they come like that? Are there care instructions of which I am unaware?

-Why is the movie called “Idlewild”? Why didn’t they just call it what it really is: “Negron Rouge”?

-Man, was I wrong about “Snakes on a Plane” being the next best thing since Tivo.

-Man, was I wrong about Tivo.

-I’m about to stop watching TV. First, they cancel Blind Date & Elimidate, the shows that taught me to never count out the healing power of a hot tub. Then, they cancel Stargate SG-1, the show which cured me of my Trekitis. And now, they get rid of Horatio Sanz, Chris Parnell, and Maya Rudolph on SNL?!! The SG-1 announcement gets to me the most. This is a show that, for the past 4 years, has always written itself as if it were its last season. The last 4 season finales were meant as “show enders”. Sci-Fi KNEW that! And the one time the show sets itself up to actually extend into another season, Sci-Fi pulls the rug out from under them =(

-Philly is a REALLY dirty city.

-“Celebrity Duets” ain’t half bad, and I have an unhealthy affinity for Little Richard now.

-“MyNetwork TV” is the worst idea I’ve ever heard of. A network that shows nothing but translated Spanish soaps. Starring Morgan Fairchild. Fox isn’t even trying anymore…

-52’s good, but it ain’t THAT good.

-The DCU is like a cafeteria-style meal. You take one of the Big Three (Batman, Superman, Wonder Woman) as your entree, and then you can add on sides dishes, like the “funny Justice League”, or the GL Corps, or the Legion. But you MUST have one of the Big Three. Beware: Wonder Woman’s the equivalent of the fish entree that they give to senior citizens. And it’s got bones.

-So, am I supposed to like Ray Nagin, or not? ‘Cause I could really go either way.

-Why is there no “craigslit.org”? The adult entertainment industry is missing out on a virtual goldmine!

-I guess there are enough fucked up people on craigslist.

-The “Alcoholic Sweats” would be a great name for a band.

-I wanna be a wedding singer.

-So, Jennine’s married now. Huh. Well, uh…if you’re still reading this thing, “Congrats!”

-Next person who announces an engagement gets a kidney punch.

-Destination wedding, my ass! I need witnesses!

-Professor Oglivee marries Mo’nique in “The Parkers” series finale?

-Man, Jenna Von Oy had a phat ass!

-Of course, I’d watch the black show for the white girl…

-Shit, I’ve gotta wake up in 4 hrs!

07th Nov2005

The Storied Career of Cree Summer

by Will

“How much is in a ‘brazillion’?”

Ahh…nothing like ruining a punchline. Anyways, you know who has the most impressive IMDB profile I’ve ever seen? Cree Summer. Yes, THAT Cree Summer.

For any black kid over the age of 20, Cree Summer is best known as “Freddie”, the weird hippie chick from “A Different World”. But to everyone else, Blacks and Whites, she’s best known as the voice of Elmira on “Tiny Toons”. But it doesn’t end there. It can be argued that there hasn’t been a cartoon made during the past 20 yrs that Cree didn’t have a hand in. I kid you not. Who knew she was also Penny from “Inspector Gadget”. PENNY! The chick who solvedall the mysteries with her dog! That character is a CLASSIC! Plus, as an added bonus, Cree’s brother is Rainbow Francks, who plays “Lt. Aiden Ford” on “Stargate: Atlantis”. Regarding that, Cree played a character in the Disney animated “Atlantis”, while he brother stars in “Stargate: Atlantis”. How odd. Damn, halfy hippies…

Anydangways, I’m all geeked out, but it’s definitely worth checking out. What? You expected me to post a link? You should know I’m WAY too lazy for that. You’ll find it. I have faith in ya…

25th Oct2005

Jaye Davidson: Stargate’s Drag Queen Baddie

by Will

“Earl, I think you’re trying to sell a cat to a man who fancies dogs.”

So, today it was announced that Sci Fi is picking up “Stargate:SG-1″ for a 10th season, making it the longest running US sci-fi show in history. Kinda amazing for a show based on a movie that BOMBED. Then again, I guess the same could be said for “Buffy: The Vampire Slayer”. Anyways, this development made me think of that movie, which I loved, and specifically, Jaye Davidson.

Jaye Davidson played “Ra” in Stargate, and as far as movie villains go, was the pussy to end all pussies. I mean, I don’t think he even had a line. He just kinda slinked around, being all androgynous. I think their reasoning was that Ra wouldn’t speak English, and the whole “Goau’ld” aspect wasn’t introduced until the TV show. As a result, we’re left with a big old menacing drag queen for a villain. But he was a scary drag queen, I’ll give him that. Not in a RuPaul kind of way, but more like, “this drag queen might cut me if I look at her the wrong way”. And nobody wants to be cut by a drag queen. Imagine having to report that, and having the cops laugh at ya the whole time…

But you see, Jaye didn’t HAVE to act. He’d already proven himself in the indie classic, “The Crying Game”. You see, he was the source of the movie’s BIG REVEAL. In case you haven’t seen it, the chick is a man! And that man-chick was Jaye Davidson. Mofo earned an Oscar nomination for that thing. So, when Stargate came along, he netted a cool million, essentially playing the same character, without all the awkward sex and Boy George soundtrack.

But after Stargate, it was over. He returned to his prior career as in the fashion industry. He only made 3 movies. 3 movies! I’m not saying the guy was Carey Grant, but even Fran Drescher made more than 3 movies (anybody realize she was in “Saturday Night Fever”, and might I mention, HOT?) Apparently, after Stargate, the acting bug’s sting just wore off for Jaye. I guess I can respect that. Instead of lining up for another failure, like “Evolution” or “Battlefield: Earth”, he returned to his home on the runway.

Well, I was on IMDB today, and there were a few Jaye quotes that I honestly found inspirational. I dunno, maybe it’s the drugs, or my current state of mind, but he reached out and touched me with the following:

“Some people are so precious — all this hoo-ha about bad role models and positive images! Of course gay people are murderers, bigamists, drug addicts and nasty people — just as much as heterosexual people are all of these things. What it all boils down to is, we are all people, and we all have the same human desires. It just happens that some desires go this way and some desires go that way. It’s sad when people are oppressed. But it’s a question of rising above it. Personally, mentally and, if you have to, physically. ”

“The most important thing in my life is to live my life and enjoy it–to do what I think is right and what I think is good.”

So, that’s Jaye Davidson. While he may be considered a B-movie actor, today he served as a wise prophet. He might not have survived Stargate, but he’s found a way to survive in this world…

22nd Apr2004

Well, it DID Look Like A Stargate…

by Will

You can take the kid out of sci-fi, but you can’t take the sci-fi out of the kid. As much as I try to leave the world of geekdom, it keeps pulling me right back in. The other day, I went to Happy Hour with Patti and Courtney @ TGIFriday’s. We pull up and they remark, “Hey, there’s the Toilet Bowl Building”, because there’s a big ring around the structure. As much as I tried to suppress it, I blurted out, “Hey, it looks like the Stargate!”. A hush fell over the crowd. Yeah….