Who’s That Guy?
My rants tend to take a nostalgic bent, but I find I try to stay away from the true "retro blogging" front. I rarely venture earlier than '93, and there are so many bloggers that already have a handle on the '80s stuff. That said, the folks over at UnderScoopFIRE! and ColdSlither Podcast have really kind of stoked the fires for my nostalgia. Having followed them on Twitter, and listened to their podcasts, I realize that they're my kind of people. Every day, I can count on a great debate like "Stone Cold OR The Rock?" or "Ma'am and George Papadapolis OR "Philip and Maggie Drummond?" These aren't the debates you get from CNN, but these questions must be asked! So, the wheels have been turning, and I've started thinking about 80s pop culture, and some of the quirk inherent to that era. One such phenomenon I'd like to refer to as "Who's That Guy?"
Sitcoms have really evolved over the past 50 or so years. Before we settled on the whole single camera, no laugh track model (The Office), we had the multicamera, studio audience model (Three's Company). In the beginning, these shows usually starred some comedian or variety act, maybe a husband and wife team. Then, we got to the 70s where things were a bit more politically charged, and sitcoms began to explore the workplace (Mary Tyler Moore). In the '80s, however, shit got weird.
In the 80s, shows centered on a family model, and tended to have male family friend who Just Might Be Gay. Who's that guy? Why is he here? What's his motivation? He wasn't just a wacky neighbor, as those had been around for years. No, this was something different. Of course, he couldn't actually be gay, as Three's Company showed us that you could only be gay if you weren't (Ha! He's only pretending). No, these characters seemed like they were testing the waters of America's acceptance of the potential of a gay sitcom character. The role disappeared in the 90s when shows gravitated towards the Living Single model - centered around a group of friends who are primarily not immediate family; I'd say Friends model, but any black person under the age of 50 will tell you that Living Single did it first (Honestly, I think TGIF's Going Places might have actually pioneered the whole thing, but I digress). It's said that the funniest jokes have some truth to them, so it stands to reason that these roles were possibly meant to ease America into the idea of homosexuality, without fully understanding how best to accomplish that. After all, this was new territory for the era, so there wasn't really a road map as to how to successfully pull this off. These characters were always played as "bachelors", but little "bacheloring" was done on their part. It's kinda like your middle-aged uncle who lives with his "friend", Kevin. At most, they were played for comic relief. Still, their addition always seemed a bit off, as if mandated by the network. I want to take a closer look at some of these characters.
In the sitcom Webster, real-life couple Alex Karras and Susan Clark take in little Emmanuel Lewis, and hilarity ensues! Not really. Anyone with eyes knew that this was just a Chinese knockoff of Diff'rent Strokes. I wonder if white folks were as crazy about adopting black kids as TV led me to believe. Seriously, TV made it seem like a typical yuppie weekend agenda was:
_Play tennis at the club
_Brunch
_Detail the BMW
_Go down to the orphanage and look at the black kids
The saddest thing about Webster was that he wasn't even a part of the original premise. It was just meant to be a show about the couple, but everyone was apparently riding the wave of black adoptions (gotta catch 'em all!), so Webster was pigeonholed into the show. And then he took over. And the real life couple wasn't pleased.
Anyway, despite all the behind the scenes drama, something interesting was happening onscreen. You see, the show introduced Jerry (played by Henry Polic II - how do you even become a "II"? Don't you have to be a JUNIOR? Anyway...), who was the male secretary to Katherine Papadapolis. Hold up, MALE SECRETARY?!! But that's a WOMAN's job, like housekeeping (little did we know the 80s would also turn that occupation on its head, too). Anyway, I've watched a LOT of TV. We're talking a LOT. That said, I can't remember an important episode featuring Jerry. I do remember him dressed up as Dracula once. Otherwise, I just remember him as looking like he could be Cousin Larry Appleton's stand-in. As a child, though, all I could think was "Why is he here? They already want me to believe these rich white folks want Webster, and now I've gotta make sense of him, too?!" I don't know if there were any episodes about Jerry going on dates with women way out of his league, or a rushed marriage storyline or anything. In hindsight, part of what taints my memory of him is the Britcom, Take A Letter, Mr Jones. In that show, John Inman (of Are You Being Served? fame) plays a male secretary, and I don't think John Inman EVER played a straight character, so I guess I'm applying that bias to Jerry on Webster. Was Webster sending a message through established gender roles or was it trying to change established gender roles? Let's move on to another example, shall we?
Another quirky 80s sitcom was Too Close For Comfort, starring Mary Tyler Moore/Caddyshack alum, Ted Knight. This show was all over the place, partly because it went from network to first-run syndication - changing plot points as it went along. Mainly, Knight played Henry Rush, a cartoonist whose most popular strip was Cosmic Cow. He lived in San Francisco with his wife and hot daughters. Oh, and Monroe Ficus.
Played by Jim J. Bullock, Monroe started out as a friend of Henry's daughters. While he's a klutz and always tends to gum up the works, his heart is usually in the right place. Over time, Henry becomes a bit of a father figure to him - especially once the daughters are written out of the show. The problem with Monroe, though, is that he's a character that just doesn't exist in that time period. I mean, in today's vernacular, you would classify him as a manchild, but not in the Judd Apatow sense of the word. Those characters just don't want to embrace responsibility, while Monroe just had a Peter Pan naivete about him. He never dated any of Rush's daughters, nor did he even try. I've been watching the show a lot lately on Antenna TV, and he doesn't seem to ever really have girlfriends. Then, there's the "very special episode" where he's raped during his shift as a mall guard. It's played for comedic effect, even though there's a buried message about how men can be raped, too. He's embarrassed to go to the police, but Henry convinces him that he should. The whole message isn't conveyed very well, and you find out he was raped by a burly senior citizen, so it's still "Haha, poor Monroe!"
As a character, Monroe was a sweet kid, but what was his true purpose? Sure, he served as a foil for Henry (much like the Urkel and Carl relationship from Family Matters), there are still a lot of questions that need to be answered about the character's motivations. Early on, we learn that his own parents don't really even care about him, from dissuading him from visiting, to not even calling on his birthday. This is part of why Henry decides to make time for him, but why did the Ficus clan disavow him?
Then, there's the fact that the character was played by Jim J. Bullock. A longtime HIV survivor, Bullock has never been shy about his sexuality, and he actually learned he had the virus during the final season of Too Close For Comfort. I often wonder if Monroe never chased women because they felt the audience wouldn't believe it OR if Monroe was actually as gay a character as network TV was willing to allow at the time.
Here's where I wanted to talk about Joey Gladstone from Full House. I've always had a problem with Full House because I don't know why Danny Tanner puts up with all those freeloaders. Seriously, Joey wasn't a blood relative, and it seemed like they were helping him more than he was helping them. Also, when you get married, it's time to move out. When you have a baby, it's time to move out. When you become a DJ, it's time to move out. You do NOT move into the attic, expand said attic, or install a studio in the basement. As you see, though, most of my problems were actually with Jesse - Joey was just along for the ride. Plus, any theories about Joey were dispelled by Wolfgnards's excellent takedown of what was really going on in the Tanner household.
So, we've gone over just a few examples here. There are others who fit the mold (Dexter on Silver Spoons, Ralph Simpson on Gimme A Break!, etc), while others don't (Charley Dietz on Empty Nest). In fact, speaking of Charley, he's indicative of what happened later on in the decade. Played by "Joe Isuzu" actor David Leisure, Charlie was an oversexed douchebag, much like a real-life version of Family Guy's Quagmire. In the latter half of the decade, most of the "Who's That Guy?" characters would follow this path, as womanizing cads with little moral character. If psychology tells you anything, these guys are actually more likely to have issues dealing with their sexuality than the characters like Jerry and Monroe. But this has already gotten too cerebral, and I'll be damned if I'm gonna actually use my degree for a blog post! Can you think of any other characters who fit the mold? Am I way off base here? Do you just want me to hurry up and talk about comics and toys again? Stay tuned!
The Gang Goes Seinfeld All Over Their Asses
Unless you're new here, you know that I know next to nothing about sports. As a result, I tend to relate even less to sports fans. And don't get me started on fantasy teams! Nope, not a sports guy. What I do know, however, is TV. Sometimes, when I really get into a show, I start thinking about how things could've gone differently. This morning, I had quite the revelation about the darling of Must See TV, Seinfeld.
Unless you've been living under a rock, you've surely caught an episode of Seinfeld in syndication. You've probably seen all the watercooler episodes, like Soup Nazi, Man Hands, and Mulva. If you're like me, you've seen them all. As it was marketed, Seinfeld was a "show about nothing". Or so they claimed. You see, in the finale, they decide to pull the finale macguffin that "everything wasn't as it seemed." Sure, it wasn't anything as daring as the Roseanne finale, but the thesis was that the Seinfeld crew were, and always had been, assholes. To sum it up, the gang are on the way to LA, but the plane has to make an emergency landing in a small town. While there, they notice a fat guy being mugged, but instead of helping him, they just kinda laugh. Since this was a violation of a newly-instated "bystander law", which required citizens to intervene in such cases, the four are arrested. At this point, several guest stars from the past are paraded into the courtroom to support the idea that, yes, the four are horrible, horrible assholes. Episode ends with them being sentenced for a year, and our last image is of them on their cell.
I HATED that finale. It served to give the show a retroactive thesis that didn't exist. Sure, they were all selfish characters, but they never did anything malicious. Their biggest crime was probably that they were always looking out for themselves, which, at times, *may* have been at the expense of others. The parade of cameos was almost necessary to build this case against them, but it really came off as "Larry David doesn't know how to end this show."
That finale bothered me so much that I couldn't watch syndicated episodes for over a DECADE. Seriously, the show ended in 98, and I just started watching again last year. What brought me back? I got into syndicated eps of Curb Your Enthusiasm, and one season's plot concerned a "Seinfeld Reunion". From a TV fan perspective, it's so unique to a see reunion take place within the story of another show. The only other example that comes to mind is the Night Court reunion on 30 Rock. I also enjoyed the idea because the ideas being thrown around actually sounded like Seinfeld ideas, and not something from left field like that finale.
So, how'd we get here? Well, this morning, it dawned on me that the Seinfeld finale was PERFECT...for another series. That show: It's Always Sunny In Philadelphia. I've often felt it to be the show that "out-Seinfelded" Seinfeld. Sure, they own a bar, but that's just a setting. At the end of the day, it's another show about nothing. That said, the characters will go to malicious lengths to get what they want. They been addicted to crack, conned a priest into becoming a crackwhore, opened the bar to minors, tricked pro-lifers into unprotected sex, bought a boat to seduce women on international waters, etc. And that's just the first few seasons. There's no other way for the show to end BUT for them to all be in a jail cell. So, the Sunny gang has Larry David to thank, as he's already done the heavy lifting on what will be the beat sendoff for their show. As the show is currently in its 7th season, they reportedly have 2 more to go. Charlie Day's been popping up in real movies, while Rob McElhenney's starting up 2 new shows. So, it's only a matter of time before they have to pull that trigger. Seeing as how they've done amazing parodies of Million Dollar Baby and Catfish, I'd love to see them go out with a parody of the Seinfeld finale. It would finally put that story to good use.
2011 In Review: #New52 Pick-Up
So, I'm usually not a fan of year-end, best of posts, but I feel that we've experienced enough of the DC Comics' New 52 that it's time to revisit it. As the biggest comic event of the year, you may remember I had some preliminary thoughts on the whole venture. Around that time, the guys over at the PowetCast were nice enough to have me on their show to discuss the whole thing. Now that we're four months in, I've got to say that I'm not really impressed. While DC has gotten more press than they have in years, there really aren't a lot of new ideas here. While a few of the new approaches are interesting, I haven't read anything that warranted a reboot. Also, I don't feel like the right questions are being asked by editorial. They seem to be asking, "How are we going to reintroduce Steel?" Instead of asking "Is there even a need/place for Steel in the new universe?" In short, it's more of the same, on a compressed rollout schedule. As I did before the launch, I thought I'd revisit the launch books and give updated thoughts.
1. Justice League - Sure, I like it so far, but I know that it's only a matter of time before the team is filled with the members of the sure-to be canceled Justice League International. I love the team of Johns and Lee, but we're about a year away from it being the team of Milligan and Kubert. That's not a flagship-worthy creative team to me.
2. Justice League International - This book is more painful than Batman and the Outsiders. I considered it to be the Booster Gold fill-in book, but it's not the same Booster. I'm also buying it because Batman's on the team, but I think I'm done after the first arc is done. As an aside, I really thought it would feature the pre-Flashpoint Booster as he deals with his new surroundings. After all, he was outside the timestream as Flashpoint occurred, and actually popped up in that universe. I've read enough comics to know he should be all kinds of fucked up from that. I don't feel like getting to know a new Booster, even if he turns out to be just like the old one. The old one didn't need replacing.
3. Teen Titans - Done with #3. I just can't bring myself to care. DC can't seem to decide if this is the first incarnation of the Titans. I don't like the characterization of Tim Drake, and I don't like the new characters. Done.
4. Suicide Squad - I'm quite enjoying this. While I'm not keen on New Harley, I like that it uses characters that can afford to have liberties taken with them. Had I stuck with Secret Six I probably wouldn't feel that way, but so far I'm pleased.
5. Action Comics - I think I'm done with #4. Never been a Morrison fanboy, and the pacing is rough. I was trying to be a trooper, but we're getting 2 months of fill-ins before the initial story arc concludes. Look, I was a proponent of the fill-in model, but I expect you to get out the FIRST ARC before employing it. Plus, I had to be honest and ask myself "Am I a Superman guy?" Like, will I honestly be reading the book in a year? Unlike Batman, I'm not gonna just buy Superman books out of habit. If it's bad now, it's only going to get worse. Done. Steel introduction this early on? Double done.
6. Superman - I actually find this one interesting, yet it's so damn verbose. Too many damn words. I swear Claremont is ghostwriting this thing. While I know there's a 5 year gap between the events of Action and those here, this does not feel like the same Superman, and that's a problem. The one in Action doesn't even feel like an inexperienced version of this guy. Im hanging on, but will probably drop after the first arc.
7. Superboy - Done with #2. Like with Teen Titans, I just don't care. This isn't my Kon-El, and I don't care enough to get to know him. The Caitlin Fairchild angle almost kept me on, but that just forced it into another unnecessary direction - Gen13 rehash. I'm not saying that's where it's definitely going, but I read the whole "genetically-engineered teen turns against clandestine maker" story back in '94, and it was called Gen13. Pass.
8. Supergirl - never picked it up. This is, what, her fourth incarnation since COIE? Not interested.
9. Batman - look, I like Snyder, but I don't get everyone raving over Capullo. All of his white males look the same - the only difference is height. I've read online interviews where he has said the similarities between Bruce and the new politician guy are deliberate, but that doesn't explain why they look like the same characters he drew in Haunt. He makes Tony Daniel look talented.
10. Detective Comics - Speaking of Daniel, he doesn't suck nearly as much as he used to. I honestly enjoyed his opening arc, even if it felt like he was playing with Morrisonian concepts that he didn't fully understand. He's showing growth, and that's admirable.
11. Batman: The Dark Knight - Why am I buying this book? It isn't very good. This is what happens when you promote an artist to writer just to keep him from jumping ship to Marvel. Every iconic character has a superfluous book, and this is Batman's. This is the Legends of the Dark Knight/Batman Chronicles/Batman Confidential of the New 52. It's for those people who'll buy anything with Batman in it, though it really doesn't move the needle in terms of adding value to the character. I like Finch's art, but I see myself dropping this soon. In my 52 Thoughts post, I said that Paul Cornell or Peter Tomasi would be on it in a year. Well, I was close, as Paul Jenkins is already on as co-writer.
12. Batgirl - I'm pretty much done after the first arc. I thought she was better as Oracle, and what I've read hasn't made me feel like Barbara Gordon-as-Batgirl is even needed. Why not keep Cassie or Steph? The Bat timeline is the most confusing of the relaunch, since we don't know which events still happened. That said, I just haven't enjoyed this. Call me when she's paralyzed again.
13. Batwoman - This book is the comic equivalent of a beautiful woman with no personality. I like looking at it, but the story has done absolutely nothing for me. Batwoman has been around for about 5 years now, and we know so little about her. This isn't done in a deliberate way, either, like with old school Wolverine. Why is she necessary? Why is she wearing the mantle of The Bat? I've said it before, but I'd appreciate her more as an original character called the Asskicktress than as Batwoman, as we still haven't been given a good reason as to why she chose to be BATwoman. She's not likable. The way DC pushes her sexuality, she comes off as a "diversity hire", but I'll admit that the only thing I do find interesting is her relationship with Maggie Sawyer. I'm a sucker for supporting cast members. Still hanging on...for now.
14. Catwoman - Man, did everyone lose their shit over the sex in #1! I admit it caught me off guard, but other books have shown that New 52 Bruce Wayne does fuck. My major concern is that I hope he used a bat condom! Just like with Action, am I gonna be reading Catwoman a year from now? Probably not, but I'll finish the first arc. Like in the past, I'll come back when they rope her into the first mega Bat crossover.
15. Red Hood and the Outlaws - It started out as everyone hating Whorefire, but that seems to have subsided. I dislike this book for another reason entirely: it's just not what I signed on for. I expected Red Hood and Red Arrow to be anti heroes, doing their own thing. I did not expect mystical mumbo jumbo, and I hate that shit. I don't care about mystical cities and revenge and whatnot. Seriously close to dropping this.
16. Batwing - My God this is a good book! Who knew? I was ready to write it off as another "diversity hire" book. After all, out of all the Batman Inc folks, why did HE get a series? That said, I'm loving it. Sure, Winick worked an AIDS reference in by #4, but I'm thoroughly enjoying it.
17. Nightwing - I feel like I've read this before. Sure, the Haley's angle is new, but it reads just like the last Nightwing series, when he moved to NYC. All Nightwing series begin with him doubting himself and finding his confidence. He usually finds it just in time for the next reboot/relaunch. Finishing the arc, but not impressed.
18. Batman and Robin - After Morrison left, this felt like an unnecessary flagship - like when Whedon left Astonishing X-Men. That said, I'm loving this new direction. This is where you get the emotional beats of Bruce getting to know the son he never knew he had. Some may find it unnecessary, but these are the interactons I've wanted to see since Batman R.I.P.
19. Birds of Prey - Dropped it after #1. Just like with Booster and the Titans, I have no desire to get to know this new team. Don't need a new Dinah. Don't care to know Starling. I know some of my online friends love it, but it's just not worth the $3 to me.
20. Green Lantern - I've said this in other places, but #1 felt more like a season premiere rather than a series premiere. What I mean by that is that it was clear that events had occurred prior to the issue - important events. While it was accessible, I couldn't help but feel I was missing something. Considering I'd read the Sinestro Corps War, as well as Blackest Night, that's not a good feeling. I am, however, enjoying the focus on Sinestro. I've never truly seen him as a villain, so I'm enjoying this spotlight on him. That said, I'm probably gone after this arc. GL is written in an almost Marvel way, where one event leads into the next, so jumping off may not be as clean a break as I'm hoping.
21. Aquaman - Really loving it. I'll chalk it up to Johns's writing, but I'm enjoying it so far. I can see myself dropping it eventually, but no time soon.
22. Wonder Woman - Dropped with #1. Chiang's art is gorgeous, but I don't know what the fuck is going on. Mythology is not my bag, as I learned most of it from Hercules and Xena. I just couldn't follow it. I know there are folks out there who eat that stuff up, and more power to 'em. Just not for me.
23. Flash - I'm actually enjoying this arc. I like Manuapul's art, and the story is pretty engaging. That said, I still don't really care about Barry Allen. This is even after Rebirth and Flashpoint. Just don't care. So, I can see myself dropping this after the first arc.
24. Blue Beetle - Dropped with #1. Not in the mood for a new introduction, as it feels like we JUST met Jaime. Also, I get that he's a Latin character, but the book is too in your face with the Spanish. It's off-putting in a way. I hope he opens a lot of doors for minority characters, but he's not for me.
25. Fury of Firestorm - My God this was a piece of shit. Dropped with #1. It's such a cliched mess. I expected the comic adaptation of City Guys, but I expected better dialogue. This needed to happen, though, just to show that Gail can and does write shit every now and then. I know that's a controversial notion to some, but she's human, so she's capable of error. She sucked on Gen13, she sucked on Wonder Woman, she sucked on The Atom, and she sucked on this. Not everything she writes turns to gold. This was a horrible, horrible book. DC seems to think Firestorm deserves to be represented in some fashion, but they just can't wrap their brains around the proper way to do it.
26. Mr Terrific - Dropped with #3. It seemed like most people were reading because they heard Karen Starr was in it. Then, they lost their shit when she turned out to be his fuck buddy rather than Power Girl. While I don't claim to know a ton about Mr Terrific, this ain't the guy I remember. They want him to be too many things. He's black Tony Stark, with a hint of Reed Richards. He's so smart, yet such a disaster. He's about to lose his company, he travels to microdimensions, and he's visited by his supposedly dead son from the future. Plus, the pacing is just all wrong. He proceeds to tell his origin as post-coital pillow talk. It comes off like, "Thanks for the pussy. So, let me tell you about my dead wife." I just don't care anymore. I think folks are now reading it just hoping for clues as to where the new JSA will come from. Since DC has pretty much said that this is where you'll find clues, I don't expect the book to go anywhere anytime soon. I just won't be along for the ride.
27. Static Shock - Dropped with #3. I really wanted to support this book. Fun character, Scott McDaniel art. That said, like Green Lantern, it felt like too much had occurred prior to the series. I don't even know where such events could have occurred, as Static's appearances were irregular pre New 52. It just didn't feel accessible. Started to feel like a chore.
28. Frankenstein - Intriguing ideas, but its tone didn't seem to fit everything else going on in the New 52. I enjoyed the character in Seven Soldiers but that series worked because it was so outside the DCU norm. I might like this as a Vertigo book, but it felt like Hellboy. If I wanted to read a Hellboy clone, I'd just read Atomic Robo. Dropped with #1.
29. Justice League Dark - Interesting, but it's really just Shadowpact borrowing on the clout of the Justice League brand. I don't like magical bullshit, so this was dropped with #1.
30. Blackhawks - a few yrs ago, when they knew they were losing the G.I. Joe license, Devils Due went after the license for The Corps. You know The Corps - they're the G.I.Joe knockoffs that your grandma always gets you 'cause she doesn't know any better. Instead of The Baroness, there's The Contessa. You get the picture. Anyway, they only got out a #0 before they apparently forgot they had the license. Why do I bring this up? It's because this feels like that series. It's DC's Chinese knockoff Joe team. I don't think the DCU needs a Joe team. After all, Checkmate seems to still be in existence. Where does this group fit into things? Tonally, there's just no place for this team, and I don't feel like getting to know them.
And The Rest: OMAC, Captain Atom, Green Lantern Corps, Green Lantern: Emerald Knights, Red Lanterns, Hawk & Dove, LOSH, Legion Lost, Deathstroke, Grifter, Voodoo, Stormwatch, All-Star Western, Men at War, Animal Man, Swamp Thing, Demon Knights, Resurrection Man, I, Vampire, Green Arrow, DC Universe Presents, Savage Hawkman - skipped, no interest
DC also decided to slip a few miniseries out amongst the 52 ongoings. Lately, I have a "no mini" policy, as they rarely add any value to a franchise. If it turns out to be important, I can always get the trade. So, I skipped Penguin: Pain & Prejudice because, well, it's a book about Penguin! I also skipped The Shade because, while the Starman Omnibus series taught me that James Robinson is an incredible writer, with an incredible take on The Shade, it simultaneously taught me that I have no desire to read those characters outside of collected editions. So, I'll skip it for now. There's some scuttlebutt that sales are low and the series may not reach completion, but that's just a risk I'm willing to take. I gave Huntress a chance, but I'm done with #2. People online are raving over this thing, and I don't have a clue as to why. Sure, Marcus To's art is beautiful, but the glacial pacing would shame even Marvel editors. It's going nowhere fast, and I'd just rather save the money.
So, it seems like I just had a lot of bile to spew, but there are some bright spots: Aquaman, most of the Bat books, Justice League, and others. The bottom line, however, was that these results could've been achieved from a creator shuffle and NOT a full-scale revamp. It was GREAT PR, but that's only going to last so long. At this point, the sales have pretty much settled down, with Marvel again taking the lead market share. This tactic may have attracted new fans, but at the cost of old school fans. I'll admit that I don't like change. I'm a curmudgeon like that, but I'll still give things a chance. I'll give credit where credit is due, so I feel there are some bright spots out there for DC. As a whole, however, I don't think there's enough evidence to call this a rousing, long-term success. What I can say is that DC closed out 2011 with a highest profile than they've had since Superman died. At this rate, they'll be the popular girl again by 2032.
Thrift Justice – What You Leave Behind
It's funny when people find out about my whole thrifting obsession. One of the first questions I get is "Where do you keep all of the stuff?" Well, it's spread across the state of Maryland in various strongholds. Or am I lying? The point I wanted to make today is that, contrary to popular belief, I don't buy every quirky little thing that I come across. In fact, there are a lot of items that I'm simply thrilled to see, and don't really need to go through the trouble of lugging them home. There have been many items that caught my eye for various reasons, but I had to leave them where they were. I thought I'd share a few of those with you today.
If this isn't your first time here, then you already know that I have an unhealthy affinity for boybands. It is what it is. That said, it was a lot worse when I was in high school. I bought more YM and Teen People than any heterosexual male should ever purchase. I couldn't help it, though - every issue seemed to focus on some boyband du jour, and I LOVED the embarrassing stories letter columns. Those chicks were TOTALLY MORTIFIED!
Anyway, I just found the cover to this to be hilarious. 98 Degrees were in a weird place, as they actually came out prior to the boyband explosion, and then had to change their image to fit with the times. Just look at the nerdlinger in the middle. I STILL don't know how he got in that group. Was he just a really old Make-A-Wish patient or something?
Once upon a time, Haim Saban gave birth to a really gifted child, known as the Mighty Morphin Power Rangers. Since Haim had a success on his hands, and he LOVED money, he decided to give birth to another child. This second child would take advantage of the world's new fascination with the concept of "virtual reality". He created VR Troopers, in which a bro, his black friend, and the chick who won't let him bang, all have the ability to enter a VR world, where they fight a white businessman who hasn't yet learned that the real fun is in foreclosures. Oh, and there's also a talking dog. Anyway, Saban's second child was seen as the retard of the dynasty, and we done away with after 2 seasons. What you're seeing is a GIANT figure of main character Ryan Steele in his VR form. This thing is a good 15 inches, at least. It was made by Kenner, so it boasts minimal articulation. There was a part of me that felt it would make a quirky mantle piece, but I just didn't want such a totem of failure messing up my chi. So, I had to leave Ryan behind.
OK, now this one is a real kicker. I was in an antique mall, and stumbled upon this little piece of history. You're not going to be able to read the text, so let me spell it out for you. On the left is a letter written to James Earl Ray, who you might know from history class as Martin Luther King's convicted assassin. I put the word "convicted" in there, as an article featured in the New Times magazine on the right implied that King's death was part of a vast conspiracy. If you want to know more about that, there's always Google and Wikipedia. No, the interesting part is on the left. It was a letter sent to Ray while he was in prision. The author of the letter was giving Ray his support, saying that the article had provided enough evidence that the case should be reopened. At the bottom of this letter, Ray actually wrote a reply, with prisoner number, signature, and all. It's also funny that he writes "Ray" the same way it was written on the movie poster for the Ray Charles biopic. Now, THAT would be a conspiracy!
Before he became an internet meme and Texas Ranger, Chuck Norris was just a dude with a beard who starred in borderline shitty movies. He also had a actually shitty 80s cartoon, called Chuck Norris: Karate Kommandos. Ya know, considering how many shows kept replacing "C" with "K" in their titles, it's no wonder our generation can barely read. Hell, one of your friends might be reading this aloud to you as we speak! But I digress...The 80s were an odd time, what with deregulation and all, where you could have a 5-episode miniseries that's rerun throughout an entire season and also spawns a toy line. FIVE EPISODES! But that's exactly what happened here.
I got one of the figures when they first came out. Still have him. You can't imagine the torture I inflicted on that thing. The one toy that I always wanted, however, was his car (or would that be "kar"?). Actually, its proper name is the "Karate Corvette." I honestly can't believe they didn't go with "Korvette"; who was steering this ship?! Oddly enough, I've been having dreams about this toy lately. Don't ask why - I couldn't tell you myself. The dreams must have been an omen, however, that the Karate Corvette would soon enter my life. Ever since I started doing these thrift runs, I had a mental list of toys that I expected to see, and this car was always on it. Last week, my search was over, as it was right before my eyes. This car is 80s badassery cranked up to 11. Not only is it a Corvette, which was THE pussydrencher automobile of the decade, but it had fucking ninja blades that popped out of the sides and hood! It's like a 4-wheeled assault on homeless guys who try to wash your windows at red lights! I always wanted this car, but this one wasn't in the best shape, plus it's almost the size of a Barbie Corvette. No, I would have to leave it behind. After all, Chuck can't drive it in the World of Warcraft, anyway.
Back when I was 12, and before I learned that they showed boobs during Masterpiece Theatre, Ghostwriter was the coolest thing on PBS. Basically, it's about a bunch of New York tweens who solve mysteries through the power of literacy. They were aided by Ghostwriter, who appeared like a karaoke ball and would rearrange available letters to send them messages. Sure, it sounds pretty dumb now, but it was pretty engrossing, especially when most story arcs were 4-5 episodes long - somewhat unheard of in children's programming. None of those kids went anywhere, except for Spanish Kid #2 who ended up as Token Gay Guy on The Real World: Philadelphia. Nope, no room for this in my lair. Plus, I'm still kinda pissed off that they never got around to telling Ghostwriter's origin!
Blue Collar Ninja! How awesome is that?! It's like something out of The Adventures of Dr. McNinja. I'm STILL kicking myself for leaving him behind. He would've looked GREAT on a shelf, but I was put off by his bootleg nature. He looked like the kind of thing that would just fall apart once I got him out of the bag. Blue collar ninja! He pays bills, drives a truck, and SILENTLY KILLS PEOPLE!
So, on that note, I think I'll wrap this up. This is most likely the last Thrift Justice post of 2011, so I thank you all for joining me for the ride. Be sure to come back in 2012, when I'll be another year older, yet hopefully just as funny. Until next time, keep your feet on the ground, and keep reaching for the stars!
Thrift Justice: YSE – Yard FAILS
So, you read all of these posts, and you simply MUST wonder at all of the luck that I seem to have. "Where does he get all those wonderful toys?" Well, my friends, it's not all sunshine and sloppy joes over here at Casa West. You see I, like you, sometimes fail. I've been trying to put this post together for a while, but recent events seemed to dictate that now was the time. During my last real yard sale run, I decided to bring trooperlite along with me. Known as "Special Forces" from my TRU days, we both share a love of thrifting and Power Rangers. I figured it'd be fun to have a partner in crime, so off we went. And this was single-handedly the worst yard sale run I've ever experienced. He apologized for jinxing me - while I don't blame him for my misfortune, it probably was his fault. I mean, when I'm alone, I'm UNSTOPPABLE! All kidding aside, though, I've found that "you can't win 'em all", and every trip is still a learning experience. I figured I'd let you in on a few of my biggest yard fails. NOTE: The pictures are crappy to hide my shame.
Transformers are proving to be my blind spot. I can't pretend to know more about Transformers than Bumblebee, Optimus Prime, and Megatron. I have the Transformers knowledge of a suburban soccer mom - "Ooh, look how cool and yellow this little guy is!" That said, I know that TF toys are highly collectible, so I find myself taking chances on things that I really shouldn't. If there's one thing I've learned, it's "stick with what you know". I don't yet have a TF expert in the fold, so this had led to quite a few disappointments. Mainly, I've learned that you'll NEVER find a complete Transformer in a yard sale/thrift store capacity. That being said, for me the main criterion is "Can it still transform?" Basically, if it can still be changed from mode to mode, and isn't missing important appendages, it's good enough for me. Even worse is when dealing with Beast Wars/Beast Machines toys. About a month ago, I bought around 12 Beast Wars figures, and after sorting through them I could say that only 3 of them were anywhere near a "complete" state. That's why there are very few Transformers items coming to Will's World of Wonder - I don't want to pass off crap to people. If you see a TF toy on there, it's been extensively researched to make sure it's worthy of someone's collection. *end of shameless plug*
ALWAYS check DVD packages! If it's open, make sure the disc is in there! You see, a few months back, I discovered the USA show PSYCH, and fell in love. Where had this show been all my life? So, as luck would have it, the following week I ran across a yard sale near my house. This yard sale was a bit shady, based on the quality of items I saw. A recent trend I've noticed is that the popularity of Storage Wars has gotten more people into the storage auction game. Unfortunately for them, most units aren't filled with rare artifacts, but rather the personal effects of some single mom as she left town under the cover of night. So, they win these lockers, and then host yard sales to make their money back. Everything is usually a dollar, because it's dirty and/or there's no guarantee that it works. That's exactly the kind of sale that this was. However, I conveniently forgot all of this when I looked on his DVD table and saw PSYCH Season 1. I can experience this magical show from the beginning! And for a mere American dollar! God bless America! So, I snatched it up, along with some other things, and I paid the man. So, I got home, and threw it on the shelf with the rest of the unwatched DVDs. A few weeks later, I decided to check it out, and I noticed that there was a disc missing. Damn it! And not just any disc, but Disc ONE - with the pilot episode. Double Damn it! I wanted to see how it all began. If I wanted to see any random ass episode, I'd just watch ION late at night. So, I can't sell it without a Disc 1, but it'd also be foolish to buy a new one just for one disc (which I almost did on Black Friday). Curse you, yard sale guy!!!!
You'd think I'd learned my lesson with that yard sale guy, right? Wrong. You see, he managed to approach me in such a way that I found myself visiting his weekly sale throughout the season. Here's how he did it: I wanted some IKEA desk lamps that he had, but I wasn't sure if they worked. I asked him about them, but he answered that he didn't know. Great sales pitch, right? He, then, followed up with this pearl of wisdom: "Think of it like a scratch-off ticket. It's only a dollar. Sometimes you win, sometimes you lose, but you're only out a dollar." The greasy prophet was RIGHT! And I LOVE scratch-off tickets! Seriously, my aunt started buying them for me when I was 8, and I've loved a good scratcher since then. In fact, it's part of the reason that I don't regularly carry cash - if I end up at a 7/11, I'm wasting that money on scratch-off tickets. I wouldn't say I have a gambling addiction, as I'm not betting on the ponies, nor have I been to a casino. I will say that I'm addicted to "chance". So, after that beautiful soliloquy, he had me as a loyal customer.
So, what did I end up foolishly buying? A used Super Nintendo. I never had one growing up, but I figured it would fit in nicely with the rest of my antiquated gaming systems, like my Sega Saturn and my Gamecube. Again, I asked him if it worked, and because it was higher than the $1 price, he guaranteed me that it worked. He even threw in some games, like Super Mario All-Stars and some other notable stuff. At the end of it all, I threw down $10. OK, audience: who knows what happened when I got home? Did the SNES work? OF COURSE IT DIDN'T! My dumb fault, I know. So, the next week, I went back to his sale (remember, these were a weekly occurrence) and told him how the system didn't work. He feigned surprise, and was like, "Here, take some more games." He grabbed all the SNES games he had left, and piled them up in my arms. Excellent customer service, right? Well, yeah, unless you realize one small tidbit: I DIDN'T HAVE A WORKING SYSTEM ON WHICH TO PLAY THEM! So, now I've got a shitload of SNES games that I can't play, nor can I even test them to sell. I'll tell you this, though: the minute yard sale season starts back up, I'll be right back there at his sale. I'm a sucker.
Epiloque
So, based on the weather, the "yard sale season" is pretty much over. Even still, mixed in with various holiday and church bazaars, I've managed to find a few yard sales. Last week, I made somewhat of a dumb purchase. It's not exactly a "fail", but it's hardly a success. Yes, I bought a Disney animation cell. It's from Robin Hood, and on the back it's signed by the voice actor for the character. Pretty nice, right? Except for 2 things: 1) they stored it in their attic, so it has sustained some sort of heat damage and 2) the autograph is made out to "the Levitts". So, I spent money on a damaged item that was personalized for someone else. But it's a Disney animation cell!!! I've spent $25 on worse, and at least I didn't have to get tested afterwards!
So, the yard sale season may be over, but I've still got more stories you haven't heard. Summer may be over, but Thrift Justice: YSE is just getting started!
Thrift Justice – Extreme Home Edition
Don't worry, it's not another spinoff. At least, I don't think... Actually, come to think of it, that would be kinda cool. But I'm not committing to anything yet. After all, I've only done one Thrift Justice: YSE post, so it'd be a little audacious to come up with a second spinoff. It's not like I'm Norman Lear.
Anyway, I tend to focus on toys and collectibles, but I thought I'd show a more practical application for thrifting. Sure a lot of people use thrifting to find collectibles and goods to resell, but others use it simply to survive. Their clothes, furnishings, etc come from thrifting, either because of financial constraints or the simple fact that they know a good deal when they see one. I like to think I'm a little of column A and a little of column B. So, I thought I'd show you a few of the ways that thrifting has added to my living space.
First up, we have this full length mirror. I actually rescued this thing from next to the dumpster at my old apartment. I'm pretty sure that it was once part of a dresser or something, but this was all that I found. Now, I know that you can buy a full-length mirror from Target for about $9, but this thing is QUALITY. It's solid wood and heavy as Hell, so it has lived on the floor most of the time that I've owned it. Seriously, I've had it almost 3 years, and we JUST hung it on the wall last month. Prior to that, you could only really see how you looked from the neck down.
Lindsay's really into wine & wine decor, so we knew that my comic posters and figure displays would have to be balanced with something a bit...classier. Luckily, her stuff got banished to the kitchen! Everything you see in those pictures was thrifted. I got it all from yard sales and thrift stores, at different times. Basically, if I saw something wine-themed, I'd get it. It was only by chance and my keen eye that we were able to tie it all together into a configuration that makes sense.
This wine rack? Found in the trash room of Lindsay's old apartment. Not IN the trash (I haven't gotten to the dumpster diving level of thrifting...yet), but just in the room of stuff folks didn't want anymore. Her old roommate, Dave, actually found it and thought I might want it. He thought right!
Speaking of Dave, he also gave us this bookshelf when Lindsay was moving out. He didn't have room for it, and it was just heading for the aforementioned trash room. "One man's trash..." So, it has now become the home of Lindsay's Mighty Muggs collection. I may not have gotten her into comics, but I've found other ways to infect her with the collecting bug. Just the collecting bug, though. Honest! I got tested and everything.
As you've probably noticed, a lot of our thrifted goods end up in the kitchen. It doesn't get more "kitchen" than the kitchen table. So, a little backstory: my mom plays Bingo every week at the local McDonalds. Don't laugh - she's 73 and can do whatever the Hell she wants! Anyway, one of her Bingo buddies is a master thrifter. He drives around a weird unmarked van, filled with stuff he's found and wants to share. Every now and then, he'll invite her out to his van to choose stuff. Hey...wait a minute...this guy is gonna be my new daddy, isn't he?!! But I digress, he always come across the best stuff. For instance, she got a refrigerator from him for $80, which was just really the cost of moving it. Now that I think of it, yup, he's definitely trying to be my new daddy. I'm not gonna mention the fact that the fridge didn't really keep stuff cold, and food would grow mold within 7 days; that would just taint the magic of the tale. Anyway, Mommy's Special Friend came across this table in a house that was being torn down. We were looking for a kitchen table, and the comparable IKEA model was about $170. This table: $25, and that included the chairs!
My mom actually got Lindsay this microwave when she moved into her first apartment a few years back. I believe she got it from an estate sale, for about $5. They don't make 'em like this anymore! You could put a whole baby in there. And I'm not talking about some preemie - I'm talking about one as fat as that cigarette-smoking baby from the news! Mmmm....smoked baby.
OK, this one is a bit hard to make out, so you'll probably need to do some clicky and make it biggie. I came across this in a new thrift store at the end of the summer. It really caught my eye, and I thought it was a steal at $7, just for the size alone. It takes up a good portion of the wall as you enter the apartment, and we'd been looking for something to put there. So, what is it? Well, it's an American flag, although it has the words to Barack Obama's "Yes We Can" speech written in the white stripes. Also, the stars have been replaced with "Yes We Can"s. I'm not about to get all political on here, and that's really not the point. It's meaningful because Lindsay and I officially became a couple on Election Night 2008. We, as well as a good portion of the country, were swept up in Obama Fever, and regardless of thoughts on the 1%, Obamacare, or longform birth certificates, this piece of art constantly reminds me of where we started. *studio audience awwws*
Anyway, that's this week's TJ post. It wasn't quite a look at the West Cave, but I don't know if I'll ever get it clean enough for pictures, anyway. I just wanted to show you that my thrifting isn't all about toys and comics, and that I also use my powers for practical uses from time to time. OK, seriously, next TJ will be that YSE post I've been promising, where I go into a lot of my recent thrift FAILS.
Adventures West Coast: RED TPB
I shouldn't have watched the movie first! I did that with V for Vendetta, and I did it again here. It's not what you think, though - most people say "The book is MUCH better than the movie". Of course, I'm not most people. In both cases that I mentioned, I enjoyed the movies immensely, while I found the direction of the books to somewhat lackluster. Again, I'm not sure if it would've made any difference in which order I read the book/watched the movie, but I still came away enjoying the movies more. If you've ever really wanted to examine the process of how source material gets "Hollywooded" on the way to the theater, you can't find a better example of that than RED.
I'll admit that I never had much desire to read RED before I heard there was a movie coming. There had been some buzz when the comic released, mainly due to its creators, Warren Ellis and Cully Hamner. I've never been a huge fan of either, so the initial release just slipped under my radar. Once the trailers started to hit for the movie, however, I thought it might be worth checking out. I think I would describe the movie as "Grumpier Old Men Meets The A-Team". It's got a surprisingly impressive cast, including Bruce Willis, Morgan Freeman, Helen Mirren, Richard Dreyfuss, and John Malkovich. It's a wildly enjoyable film about retired spies who, when forced out of retirement, prove that they've still got it. Oh, and the title? It stands for "Retired Extremely Dangerous", which is the official status of Bruce Willis's character, Frank Moses. The movie's got humor, it was action-packed, and it was a nice little guilty pleasure film. The book, not so much.
RED follows Frank Moses, a former CIA agent who's trying to get used to living the retired life. Outside of phone calls with his handler, he really doesn't seem to have much contact with the outside world. Once a new director is appointed to the agency, he discovers Frank's file and is appalled by all that he learns. After all, the Old CIA got its hands a lot dirtier than it does today, and the director feared what might happen if details of those old missions got out via a FOIA request or something. So, for some reason, he feels the need to order Frank's assassination. This part was odd to me, as it would probably be easier to just destroy the files. I mean, maybe the director didn't like knowing such a skilled killer was out in the world, but surely Frank wasn't the only one, right? Is he just going to start assassinating any former agent with a pension?! Anyway, agents stage an ambush on Frank's house, but he ends up killing them and going on the run. Up to this point, the movie and book were aligned pretty well, but things were about to get a LOT different.
In the movie, Frank tracks down his handler, played by Mary-Louise Parker. He kinda, sorta abducts her, but she wanted to go, as she was somewhat enamored with his former lifestyle. On the run, they gradually meet up with his old friends and associates, and hilarity ensues. In the book, however, when he meets his handler, he almost kills her. It's only a last second decision to leave her alive. He gains access to the agency, and the three-issue story ends as he begins a shootout within the CIA.
First off, the book is DARK. There's no humor, and it's got little meat to it. Basically, old agent gets mad and then kills those who made him mad. I've read Wolverine stories with more depth to them. If anything, the movie could only be said to be inspired by the book. While reading it, you can kind of see how the Hollywood process might take over and stretch things around, and that's exactly what happened. Because it's such a short story (three issues), there's a lot of wiggle room that allows you to expand on parts. As it's written, RED would've made a decent online short for the Warner Bros site or something, but there's not much for a full film, which is probably by WB passed on the project.
Also, I feel the biggest letdown is the fact that the supporting characters simply don't exist in the book. Sure, they change the tone of the story, but they also helped to make it much more enjoyable. You know how Ted's the most boring character in How I Met Your Mother? Well, the same could be said for Frank Moses. The real story is how he's sort of the eye of this crazy, espionage-filled hurricane - he's interesting because of the people and circumstances surrounding him. Now, around the release of the movie, DC did release some prequel one-shots focusing on the newly added film characters, but I'm not sure if they were worked into the mythos in an organic way, or if it was merely a cash grab. The bottom line is that they were not part of the original story that served as the inspiration for the film.
So, my final thought? Skip this book. It's not really worth the money, seeing as how it's 3 issues and some supplemental stuff. In all honesty, the story felt rushed, like it was going to be cancelled due to low sales or something. It could have easily been 4-6 issues, but I guess Ellis and Hamner felt they had told the story they set out to tell in those three issues that we got. If you want a fully enjoyable experience, loosely based on the RED universe, then hit up Redbox or Netflix for the movie.
Back & Fourth: My Journey Into The Classroom
In my attempt to turn a negative situation into a positive one, I've found myself saddled with watching a 4th grade class during their lunch period. First, let's roll it back a little. You see, the school where I work had 2 campuses. That quake that everyone made fun of for being weak and puny? Well, it destroyed our second campus. We've all been under one roof for the past 2 months, but our board just decided to call it a day, and officially made us one school. This also resulted in 25 staff members being laid off. But still we move forward or some jazz. So, we all gotta pitch in like the war effort, and I've been given Mrs Doubtfire duty (I dress like a woman for kicks). What I found, however, is that it's not that bad. I mean, fourth graders are almost like real people. It's really fascinating. They don't even eat their meals out of feed bowls. I tell ya, I'm learning all sorts of Discovery Channel shit from this! So, since I had them at my disposal, I figured I'd try to get to know them - ya know, really get into the head of a typical 4th grader in America.
First up, they're all really into werewolves and vampires. Half the class has already read Twilight, which is shocking and sad at the same time. I asked if they were Team Edward or Team Jacob. They totally had some opinions there. Predominantly, however, it seems to be a werewolf skewing class. In fact, yesterday they explained to me how they'd been sired. Apparently, Sean was bitten, and then he scratched Mike, who then bit Carter, and so on. I can't wait to hear their thoughts on cooties and the AIDS epidemic. Anyway, I asked if their parents every caught them turning into werewolves at night. They said no, but that a few of their parents suspected they might be werewolves.
Next, they showed me a Scholastic book that was a Who's Who of the monster scene. I'm talking chupacabra, vampires, werewolves, snakewomen harpies, the works! When we got to the page of a succubus, Ken said "That's my girlfriend right there." "Oh, really?" I asked. "How did you two meet?" He said "Well, she was sick and in the hospital. I turned her into a vampire and saved her." Kid never missed a beat. Like Kenneth from 30 Rock, "In 5 years, we'll either be working for him, or dead by his hand."
Today, I asked them about the movies they'd seen recently, which they'd always counter with a "Did you see ____?" One girl told me that she had seen Black Swan. Yes, THAT Black Swan. I asked who let her watch that thing, and she said she'd watched it with her grandpa. I asked her what she thought of it. I loved her response: "It was scary...and inappropriate." From the mouths of babes!
Since they were the correct demographic, I decided to allow them to settle an online debate for me: what did they think of Power Rangers Samurai? After all, adult fans hate it, but it's not for us. It's for the kids. Apparently, and I quote, "Power Rangers Samurai is the most awesome Power Rangers ever!" Keep in mind, they also lost their collective shit when I mentioned Supah Ninjas. Plus, I don't trust any kid that doesn't watch iCarly (half of the class is comprised of girls, and none of them watch iCarly!).
I also found out that WAY too many of them are watching Family Guy, American Dad, and The Boondocks. I told one, "You're too young for The Boondocks!" he just shook his head and said "I know. When I go over to my cousin's house, he's always watching it."
Once we got on the topic of animation, one of them mentioned The Simpsons, which one girl called "the most boringest show in the history of ever."
So, it looks like The Cos was right - kids really DO say the darnedest things! Anyway, I figure if I've gotta be stuck with them, I might as well use them for comedy material. Tune in next time, when we tackle comics, video games, and Nicki Minaj!
Introducing Thrift Justice: YSE!
What can I say? I love TV, I love branding, and I love spinoffs. So, I figured it'd be a good idea to separate my normal thrift store hauls from my yard sale hauls, especially since there are usually some pretty good stories from those yard sales. That gives us Thrift Justice: Yard Sale Edition, or Thrift Justice: YSE for the hip kids. Think of this just like the normal Thrift Justice you've come to know and love, only with a dose of Ice-T and Mariska Hargitay thrown into the mix. I'm typically the guy who doesn't enjoy the party until it's almost over, so it's only fitting for me to start this little feature just as the yard sale season begins to wind down. In any case, there are quite a few items I haven't shown you, and I hope I can remember the stories behind them. So, shall we get on with the show?
What you see here is a nice little collection of G.I.Joe vehicles that I acquired last weekend. You Joe collectors will recognize the following:
-Cobra WOLF
-Badger
-Skystorm X-Wing Chopper
-Swampmasher
-Desert Fox 6WD
-Dreadnok Cycle
-Cobra Imp
-Action Force Missile Launcher
I tend to plan out my route on Friday nights (yes, some of us plan these things), and I noticed a listing just kinda snuck in the fact that there were be G.I.Joe vehicles. It was an odd blurb that read something like "Fine crystal, linens, G.I.Joe Vehicles, artwork". Well, those are certainly strange bedfellows! The sale was slated to start at 7:30, so it went to the top of my list.
The next morning, I pulled up to her house and was somewhat shocked that nobody was there except an older lady who was having a conversation with the seller. I immediately thought that someone had beat me to the Joes! After all, the ads always say "No early birds!", but that doesn't mean someone didn't swoop in just before I got there. I cautiously walked over to a large plastic storage unit, and my eyes filled with joy and wonder! There they were, in pretty nice condition given their age. The lady explained that they had belonged to her sons, but had just been sitting in the garage. She said they had kept their figures, but didn't seem to want the vehicles anymore. So, their loss was my gain. We didn't even have to haggle. 10 minutes later, I was driving off with a car full of 1987 treasures. Anyway, if you like anything you see, you should know how to find me by now...
One concept I've adopted over the course of my travels is the idea of of "thrift karma" - I tend to believe that something awesome is out there waiting for me, and when I do find it, I try not to be greedy. For instance, I hit paydirt at this first sale, so I should've called it quits and gone home with my wares. Instead, I ended up freestyling (I got that from American Pickers, thank you very much!) for another 4 hours, which just wasted gas and yielded nothing. Listen to Kenny Rogers, folks - know when to walk away!
Notes From The Road
(courtesy of vintagegameworld.com)
This is where I'll share a few observations that I've made while racing from sale to sale. Over the weekend, I noticed that everyone is finally cashing in their Trivial Pursuit SNL Edition investments. Let's take a trip back in time, to around 2006. Licensed versions of Trivial Pursuit were nothing new, but one of the most niche offerings was Trivial Pursuit SNL Edition. As KB Toys starting shutting down across the country, these games were some of the last items they had left, eventually marked down to around $7 or so in my area. Now, let's fast forward to last weekend. A game I hadn't seen in almost 10 years resurfaced at 3 separate yard sales, a few with the KB price tag scratched out on the box. That's the danger of speculating - not everything's gonna be a collector's item, especially when your neighbor's selling the same exact thing.
Anyway, I hope you liked the new series. Tune in next time, as I'll share with you a few of my biggest yard sale failures!
Adventures West Coast: Complete Strangers In Paradise (Pocket Edition)
Oh, Strangers In Paradise! This is one that I've been dreading for some time. I'd always wanted to read the series, as it was THE indie darling of the 90s. Most of all, it was always at the top of all those "Which Comics Would My Girlfriend Would Love?" lists. A few years back, the series was collected in a bunch of digesty "Pocket Edition" books, so I saw that as a great time for me to give them a shot.
(courtesy of Comics Bulletin)
Strangers In Paradise, by Terry Moore, is really structured like a sitcom. It's got a supporting cast of zany characters, there are 6 volumes (just like 6 seasons of a sitcom), and it's got a will they/won't they? love story. However, for all my TV knowledge, I can't figure out which network would air this thing. The title isn't a clever play on words, so it couldn't air on USA. It's about lesbians, but not the hot kind, so no Showtime. The plot kinda goes off the rails at points, in Nip/Tuck fashion, but it's too gyno-centric for F/X. I guess we'll just throw it on Lifetime between some Meredith Baxter Birney movies.
Here's the deal: Francine Peters and Katina "Katchoo" Choovanski have been friends since childhood. Francine's chubby and has low self-esteem, so she dates douchebags. Meanwhile, Katchoo had a rough childhood, so she's grown into an empowered feminist who doesn't live by society's rules. Right there, you've got a Thelma & Louise situation, and Katchoo struggles to make Francine see how wonderful she is. Then, you begin to see that there's more to Francine & Katchoo than just "sista girl empowerment". A couple of times, they get close but Francine pushes away because she wasn't raised to think that was OK. Enter David: a struggling artist who falls madly in love with Katchoo, but she's having none of it, as she's just not into nice guys. So, there's our love triangle. David loves Katchoo, Katchoo loves Francine, and Francine loves Katchoo, but won't give in to those feelings. Simple enough, right? Brace yourself for what's next.
See, it turns out that there's more to Katchoo than simply an abusive father. She moved away from Francine during high school, and the details of those years had been a mystery. It turns out that Katchoo was a high class escort, working for madame/businesswoman Darcy Parker. Katchoo was Darcy's best girl, and they'd even become lovers for a time. Darcy only pimped her girls out to politicians, which earned her a bit of political clout. One night, Katchoo and another call girl decided they'd had enough, and they plotted a way out of Darcy's empire. They stole some money, and a politician ended up dead. Fast forward to the present: Darcy has figured out that Katchoo stole her money, and sends a bunch of muscle after her to get it back. At this point, Katchoo's trying to live a normal life as an artist, while trying to figure out if she loves Francine or David. Then, we find out that David is *spoiler alert* Darcy's brother, who actually knew about Katchoo's past. Oh, and the muscle sent after Katchoo? It turns out to be her own twin sisters, Tambi and Bambi - sired by the same abusive father. Yeah.
Then there's some kind of weird flash forward thing, where Francine & Katchoo are now Camryn Manheim & Melissa Ethridge, raising their two adult daughters in a log cabin or something. One of the daughters is trying to be a writer, and she decides to write about the love story of her "2 moms". So, then the story basically turns into the series finale of Roseanne (remember that? Dan DIED?! Becky actually married DAVID?! Of course Jackie was gay!). So from this point on, it's not clear if the events are actually happening, or is they're just the result of creative license being taken in order to make the book-within-a-book more interesting.
I could get into all the side characters, like Casey and Freddie, but they're just the comic relief, and I'd hate to spoil the INSANITY they bring to the table. Basically, when the story starts to get too heavy, Casey gets a boob job or Freddie gets emasculated by a woman. Haha!
The beauty of all the characters is that they're flawed. Even a guy like Freddie has a sympathetic side, and you start to understand why he is like he is. I will say, however, that the series is uneven. It goes from Three's Company to Twin Peaks at the drop of a hat. Not to mention that it's too damn long. Indie books don't have to keep the same schedule as Marvel and DC, as there's more involved with the production of a self-published book. That said, it felt like Terry Moore just got to the point where he was just writing the book to write it; it stopped feeling like it was headed anywhere. There's even the false ending in volume 5, where you learn that Francine & Katchoo are happily together, with kids. So, why the reset button? It's not like they had a time machine or anything, so why get temporal with things? The last 2 volumes don't really make the reset seem worthwhile. We end up with more out of place characters, like Francine's husband Brad, and his rock star brother, Griffin. If SiP is a sitcom, volume 5 is the season where the main couple have a baby and/or Cousin Oliver/Pam/Seven comes to live with the family. It just wasn't necessary. Oh, and David gets a brain tumor.
Due to the way that the story ebbs and flows, it almost feels like the periodical isn't the right format for the book. Its pacing lends itself better to the world of the newspaper strip, akin to Funky Winkerbean or something. I guess it was groundbreaking to tackle a soap opera like this in the comic format. Sure, there had been romance comics in the early days of the industry, but those stories were typically done-in-one tales. This was a multi-year, multilayered story that's really impressive in scope when you look back at it. I do, however, feel bad for anyone who read this in sequential form, as the story tends to gain and lose momentum almost without warning. In all, it was an impressive experiment to build an indie series around such an intense, soap operatic format, but I don't know if it resulted in an even, well-rounded story.
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