Tag: X-Men

Comical Thoughts – New Avengers

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Avengers. My, my, my Avengers. It’s amazing that I held on for so long, through so much, and now that we have the big relaunches, and the band is back together, I just don’t care anymore. I love Tony Stark, and I like when he’s part of the team, but the whole Avengers Trinity means little to me. I don’t like Thor, and I don’t consider Cap to be “Jesus wrapped in a flag”, no matter how much they try to convince me that he is. I will say that I don’t consider a team to be “The Avengers” unless they have at least one of those 3 members on the roster. It doesn’t mean that I’d read the book, but I feel like that should be a charter requirement. That’s why I don’t feel that Luke Cage’s “New Avengers” deserve their name. Sure, they eventually got “Bucky Cap” on their side, but he’s a substitute Cap, like USAgent. If they had gotten War Machine, he still wouldn’t have been Iron Man. It’s not about the symbolism of the name/costume – what matters MOST is who is inside that suit (I have similar feelings about the DC Universe, but that’s for another time).

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Stop playing dress-up, Dick. Don’t you have a hot alien to bang?

Luke’s team could’ve been the “Revengers”, “The Getbackers”, whatever, but nothing about them screamed “Avengers”. He kept the name because Cap had bestowed it upon them during a one-sided war, in which his side lost. Luke kept it out of symbolism, but it was clear to the world, and anyone who mattered, that Luke Cage’s team wasn’t The Avengers. There was no way in Hell they were gonna save you from the Skrulls. THAT’s what Avengers do. What did Luke’s team do? Well, his baby got replaced by an alien, and the book turned into Adventures in Babysitting, while he ended up having a heart attack. It was all like that bad season finale of Punky Brewster where she ended up back in the orphanage. Not Very Avengery.

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Yeah, that’s the problem…

Now that the dust has settled, and Steveus Christ is back in action, there’s still no reason for Luke’s team. He clearly doesn’t play well with others, and his argument for not joining the “real” Avengers was that he didn’t want to be told what to do. Weren’t you in jail at one time, Luke? Aren’t you tired of rebelling against The Man? Shit could be worse! You’ve got your hot white wife and your halfy baby. Do you WANT to go back to jail, Luke? Would that be better for you?

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You’re living The Dream, dude – Don’t mess this up!

Anyway, what do the “real” Avengers do? They sell him the mansion and let him run his own team. Bull and Shit. I can’t believe they’d let him have his own Avengers, in the same damn city, which allows him to do whatever he wants. That’s not how the Marvel Universe works. You want to be on your own, you move to California. Start up the Avengers West Coast again. There’s no damn way you’re gonna operate in New York City without oversight. Hell, the X-Men have been doing the multiple team thing for over 20 years and they STILL haven’t figured it out. And they’re dispatched by the same guy, from the same mansion/Alcatraz base. So how do the Avengers expect to pull it off? I feel like New Avengers, at this point, is just a money grab. Luke will eventually figure out Cap’s been babysitting him, making sure he doesn’t get in trouble. He’ll get all offended and finally walk, which will be just in time for the Super Infinity War which will bring both Avengers teams together, resulting in one canceled book, an overstaffed Avengers, and some new team spun out of it. Don’t know if I care to stick around for the ride any longer. I think I might be done.


Comical Thoughts – Charles Xavier

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I started this on twitter today, but it has given me enough thoughts to want to continue it on here. Basically, I was saying that I tend to forget that Professor Xavier is on the X-Men’s compound, Utopia. In the past, he was front and center, but since Cyclops has taken on the role as “Steward of the Mutant Race”, Xavier is just the backseat driver that everyone ignores. The only time we even see him is when there’s a War Council (there have been a LOT of those recently), and Cyclops gives him a dressing down in front of everyone, just so everyone knows who’s the Big Dawg. If you’re not familiar with X-Men,
though, I guess I should rewind a bit.

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X-Men is the story of mutants fighting to gain equal rights and acceptance in a bigoted world. Charles Xavier opened a school for mutants, and created the X-Men in order fight for The Dream: a world in which humans and mutants could coexist. However, nothing he has ever done has really been towards achieving that goal. Sure, his aims sound nice on a business card, or on an elevator ride with the company president, but after issue #1 of the book, the X-Men have never done anything to put humankind at ease. Now, coexistence is one of those concepts where people are going to have to reach out of their comfort zones, but I don’t think Xavier stuck to the mission statement.

Xavier was written as this Martin Luther King character, while his old friend/new enemy Magneto is set up as the Malcolm X. Xavier feels that we can all coexist and be happy, while Magneto thinks that humans are obsolete, and mutants should take their rightful place as the inheritors of the Earth. This battle is waged back and forth for the better part of about 30 years, with no one side really winning anything, while humans just start to hate mutants more and more. In fact, Xavier would die/disappear every few years, and it’s at those periods that the team was MOST effective. So, maybe Xavier was the problem.

One thing that was always interesting to me, though, is that the MLK-Xavier comparison is erroneous. You see, Martin Luther King Jr was a black figurehead who fought for equal rights for black people. Up until recent years, The World never knew that Xavier was actually a mutant. Sure, you could surmise that he was, based on his passion and the fact that he had opened a school for mutants. It’s the whole “If it walks like a duck, and quacks like a duck…” But he never outed himself, and I’m not quite sure why. it couldn’t have been for the protection of his students, ’cause people knew the school was full of mutants, and the place got blown up once a year. This stance set him up as a “crusader by proxy”, almost like a Jane Goodall of mutants. If I were on one of the X-teams, I think I’d probably resent him for that.

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Anyway, around the turn of this century, something odd happened. It’s like Xavier was too squeaky clean. He was dedicated enough, but there had to be some explanation for how ineffective his approach had been. Forget the fact that comics are soap operas, where nothing finite can occur ’cause then the story would be over. No, it was decided that Xavier was actually an asshole the entire time. Sure, he’d done evil things before, but those were always written off as “he was possessed, so it wasn’t his fault” (look up “Onslaught” some time). This time, though, he was actually in control of his faculties, and it was revealed that he had a long trail of wrongs that he had hidden from his students. He had been manipulating people without their consent, he had sent a whole team of neophyte X-Men to their deaths, and forced an alien machine into slavery – defending everything with an “it was for your own good”. So, when it turned out that he always knew that his favorite pupil Cyclops had a 2nd brother (something that Cyclops didn’t even know), AND that he had sent the brother to his “death”, that was the straw that broke the camel’s back. They kicked Xavier out of his own home, and Cyclops became the de facto face of mutantkind. To say they turned their backs on Xavier is an understatement. There’s a later storyline where he gets shot in the head, and they don’t even worry when his body disappears.

Xavier didn’t actually die from the bullet, and he goes on a soul-searching quest to figure out where he went wrong. After a year, he shows up on the X-Men’s doorstep, and they’re basically like, “So, looks like that bullet didn’t kill you after all. Pity.” In Xavier’s absence, Cyclops had moved all willing mutants to a base floating off the coast of San Francisco, due to the fact that mutants were now facing exctinction and Cyclops felt this would make it easier to protect those who remained. Humans, of course, saw this as another Mutie Threat. This makes the X-Men sitting ducks, as they fend off one attack after the other. The entire time, their founder, the man who trained them, is at their disposal, but the minute he opens his mouth, Cyclops is all like “You had your chance!” Xavier usually shrinks away with a “I was just trying to help, Scott”, but I really don’t get why he sticks around. It can’t be as a show of support, as nobody really seems to want him there. I guess it’s that he has no place to go, but he’s Old Money, so he could go join the Avengers and be their mutant advisor or some shit. He ain’t doing it for a paycheck. Plus, the last time I checked, the X-Men didn’t have jobs – they’re like a Real World cast, freeloading off someone else as they trash all the IKEA furniture and fuck in the shower. Not sure why Xavier doesn’t just cut them off financially, and say “The bank is CLOSED!”

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This would be a really good time for Xavier to go off and find himself, but he basically JUST did that. I don’t know if editorial thought that through, or what. Based on the fact that I’ve been reading this series for the past 17 years (oh, God…hasn’t it really been that long?), I know how this shit goes. If Marvel steals any of this, remember that you read it here first: Xavier’s at a pretty low point, as far as self esteem goes. This is usually when he’s most succeptible to psychic/demonic possession. So, the Shadow King will come along and possess him for the 843rd time. He’ll kidnap Hope, the young mutant who’s currently being touted as the new Mutant Messiah, since she’s the first mutant born in the past 5 years (although in comic time, it’s probably only been about 2 weeks). Five new mutants were discovered after Hope’s powers triggered for the first time. Xavier’s not much of a fighter, seeing as how he has spent 75% of his existence in a wheelchair (don’t worry, he can walk now – LONG story). Anyway, he builds teams of youngsters to do his bidding in order to make up for his own poor fighting skills. So, I say Shadow Xavier kidnaps Hope, and uses his powers to contact these new mutants and coerce them into joining him. Then, he’ll go all David Koresh and establish a Messianic stronghold on the site of his former mansion in Westchester (he does, technically, still own the property). The X-Men will go in search of Hope, and realize that Xavier took her. They won’t know about the possession angle, as they’ll just figure it as another example of “Charlie being an asshole”. It’ll be team versus team, Magneto will do something dickish to further his own goals, and the X-Men will eventually end up taking on the Shadow King. They’ll even tease us with the whole “Is Hope Actually Our Reincarnated Dead Friend” gimmick a bit more. When the dust settles, we’ll end up with X-Generation Force or whatever the Hell they decide to call the team comprised of the 5 new mutants, Nightcrawler’s ghost and Wolverine. Xavier will have sacrificed himself, but it will be in a blaze of glory. He’ll finally have his redemption. Plus, the X-Men will be all like, “Well, since we came all this way, we might as well rebuild the mansion for the 437th time”, which will end their San Francisco sojourn.

I know that comics need to have new ideas every now and then, but I’ve never been a fan of Asshole Xavier. It was already established that he was a deadbeat dad, and he basically had to kill his own son (don’t worry, he’s alive again). I mean, that’s one fucked up episode of Maury right there, so it’s not like they needed to heap anything else on him. I’d like to see him back in his rightful place, especially since it seems like Cyclops is going to crack pretty soon. I think Xavier has realized, from all of this, that The Dream isn’t as important as Survival. Cyclops did what was necessary to protect what was left of the mutant race. After all, you would need them in order to further any coexistence called for by The Dream. I think Xavier’s approach was flawed, and he might be coming around to figuring out a way that *works*. Xavier knows that he would’ve taken the pacifist route, and they’d all probably be dead. So, maybe this is the road to him becoming a badass. His way wasn’t working, but I don’t think they needed to villify him in order to prove that. Just let him retire. I just hope they figure out something soon, ’cause I’m tired of him being a doormat. I’d rather they kill him.


Scarlet #1 – A Review?

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This week marked the release of Scarlet #1, the new creator-owned Marvel/Icon comic from Brian Michael Bendis and Alex Maleev. While the duo were well-known for their successful run on Daredevil, I went into this book with mixed feelings. Why was that? Well, I guess you could say that it’s an example of “In Real Life Made Me Hate You”. Let’s take a step back in time, shall we?

Brian Michael Bendis was the first comic writer whose work I purchased solely because of the writer. In the past, I bought X-Men because everybody bought X-Men. I bought Batman because, well, he was Batman. Bendis, however, made me stray outside of that. I never really cared much for Avengers, since they were D-listers at the time, but Bendis got on the book, and I followed suit. While his overarching stories may not be consistent, he’s a master of dialogue. He’s pretty much popularized the “talking head” comic in the modern industry, much to the chagrin of many fanboys. I, however, LOVED his work. I read his autobiographical comics, like Total Sell-Out and Fortune & Glory, plus I even gave Powers a try (still don’t get the hype on that book). Based on Avengers and his Ultimate Marvel work, I think it was safe to say that Bendis was my favorite writer in comics. With that in mind, of course it would have been an honor for me to meet him.

Fast forward to 2008, at the Baltimore Comic-Con. Bendis was making the rare convention appearance out East, and I saw this as my chance to finally get to meet my favorite writer. I got in line for his table EARLY, as we knew he’d be signing, but no one seemed to know when. On top of that, he was doing back to back panels, which seemed to be running over schedule. I’d been to a handful of Baltimore shows, so I knew I wasn’t missing much on the floor. If you’ve seen Howard Chaykin once, then that’s all you need. Bendis, however, was the goal. I must’ve stood in that line for over 4 hours. Sure, I had some interesting fanboy conversations over the course of that time, but I still wasted the better part of the day in that line. When I finally got up to Bendis, he spent the time chatting away on his iPhone. I don’t think he even looked at me. He kinda scrawled his autograph on my comic (which, by the way, didn’t look nearly as good as the potentially fake autograph I’d bought at a show some years earlier. At least that one looked like it said “BENDIS”). Before I could really say anything to him, he handed it back and briefly moved the phone aside to say, “Here ya go, champ”, in the manner of your mom’s new boyfriend who didn’t care enough to learn your name.

Now, I know that whole thing sounds like I have a sense of geek entitlement, but I really expected more. A lot of people have asked, “Well, what did you expect him to do?” I really can’t tell you, but I certainly expected actually get to say something to him. I’m sure everybody says the same, trite “I love your work”, but isn’t that part and parcel of the convention signing experience? At least pretend he cares about his fans. Whenever you read these stories, someone in the comments will say “Well, maybe he was tired” or “‘Maybe he was having a bad day”. None of that seemed to apply here. He was happy and spry; he just wasn’t present. Never meet your heroes, kid. Anyway, my opinion of him kind of took a hit after that, while his star has only continued to rise. I was already grandfathered into his earlier series (like New Avengers and Ultimate Spider-Man), but I wasn’t sure I wanted to get on that horse again. Petty, I know. So, this is where I was coming from when I heard about Scarlet. Due to the buzz surrounding the book, I decided to give it a shot. In retrospect, it’s a great book that I’m not quite sure I should’ve read.

I don’t want to ruin it for you, because the story has an angle to it that should be experienced by the reader. As a quick elevator pitch, Scarlet is the story of a woman who, upon realizing that the world isn’t fair, decides that she’s going to change all of that – by any means necessary. It’s a book with a message, and it’s a potentially dangerous message. It’s almost like Falling Down, the Michael Douglas movie where one bad day pretty much sets an average Joe on a self-destructive path. I say it may not have been the book for me because of what my life has been going through as of late. It speaks to me, and it probably speaks to other readers as well. This familiarity will be good for the book’s accessibility, but do we really need to make angry people any angrier? It could almost be seen as inspirational, but what is it inspiring? It takes the notion of “The World Is Screwed Up”, but follows it up with a “So, What Are You Going To Do About It?”

Seeing as how it’s the first issue, it’s not exactly preachy, but focuses more on providing background info on Scarlet. It will be interesting to see how the book proceeds, seeing as how Bendis has said it’s not meant to be a political book. After all, this means that it will be a battle cry for a revolution that doesn’t specify the end goal. It almost sounds like an invitation to chaos, while it could also follow the notion that society has to be fully destroyed before it can be rebuilt. It’s an interesting concept, and I look forward to seeing where the book is headed. I hate to admit it, but Bendis has still got it. Maybe one day, I might get the chance to tell him that.


Best of the West #1: Signed Amazing Spider-Man #583 Variant

Going through my posts, I realized that I never really spoke much about my time in comics. On top of that, I’m supposed to be this big collector of comics and toys, yet there aren’t many posts that reflect my hobby. So, instead of being all snarky and digging up a bunch of dirt, I figured I’d try something new, by showcasing a few of the best items in my collections that most haven’t seen. You might see some cool stuff, or it might result in me having my apartment broken into. In any case, I’ll give a little rundown of its history, and voila, I’ve got a new regular column.

So, today’s item is what you see here:

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Yes, that’s a first printing of the hard to find variant cover of Amazing Spider-Man #583. The first of the popular Obama Comic Cover gimmick, this book sold out quicker than hotels on prom night. Last I checked, I think it got up to about 5 printings, many of which are still being sold above cover price. Well, I somehow managed to get a copy. But wait, there’s more! If you look closely, you’ll notice that it’s signed. No, it’s not signed by Big O, himself, but by Marvel Editor-In-Chief and Chief Creative Officer, Joe Quesada. So, how did I snag this comic? Well, it’s funny you should ask…

Last year, I went to the New York Comic-Con with a couple of my Diamond friends.  Near the end of most conventions, the Marvel booth has a giveaway panel. This isn’t a nice, orderly contest, however.  No, at the Marvel booth, everyone stands around yelling for shit, kinda like those  businessmen watching Jennifer Connelly get it with that double-ended dildo in Requiem For A Dream.  There’s a guy (and I really should know his name by this point), who’s like Wayne Brady with the huckster showmanship of Stan Lee. The Marvel Minions bring him large, unmarked boxes of stuff, and he just grabs something out. The stuff ranges from big ticket items (autographed books), to dead overstock (Dark Towers hardcovers), to random licensed items (lunchbox, anyone?) on down to Saga books. That’s right – I’ve seen them give away the same crappy promo comic you would’ve gotten stuffed in your bag at your LCS.

Anyway, I’ve witnessed this thing quite a few times, so there’s generally a formula: “Wayne Lee” generally looks around to see who wants the item most. Sometimes, he might ask a trivia question or ask you to dance for him or something.  He usually goes for the cute kid, the 20-ish girl, etc. In fact, he tends to go for everyone *except* the stereotypical “fanboy”. By adhering to this pattern, the Marvel Giveaway Panel may be Marvel’s smartest initiative to reach out to a new audience; cater to the young, the women, etc. So, the trick is to save your energy for something that you really want. Nobody walks away with 2 items. Not even that  kid in the wheelchair. If you don’t want the Spider-Man sleeping bag, don’t even waste the energy to acknowledge it. Wayne’s pretty good at scanning the crowd, so he’s gauging what you really want. When everyone’s jumping up and down like they’re on The Price Is Right, you become more conspicuous if you stand still. Wayne notices that, and he knows you’re being strategic. Hell, it’s best not to even make eye contact with him. Save it for the big prize.

So, I knew all of the above going in, and I used all that to play my hand. I didn’t acknowledge the Wolverine baseball cap or the Eternals hardcover. Out of the gate, we knew that the big ticket item was the Obama cover, especially since this was about 2 weeks after the inauguration. There wasn’t even a second printing at this point, yet here it was, SIGNED by the creative head of Marvel. I knew they had 5 copies to give away, and those were the only things I went for.

After he had given away the 4th copy, I probably should have gotten discouraged. I mean, I’d been at this panel for about an hour and a half, watching people sacrifice their young for a Hulk pencil sharpener. One thing about me, however, is that I don’t quit. I had a good feeling. I had no basis for said optimism, but I really thought I was going to leave with one of those books. I’ve actually been really lucky in life when it comes to comic-related contests. When I was 12, I won a Batman watch from a Choice Hotels Batman Returns sweepstakes. When I was 13, I won some Avengers/X-Men Bloodties trading cards from a contest I’d forgotten I had even entered. And the list goes on. So, I felt like some of that magic might be in the cards for me for that Spidey comic. My friends were leaving to go to dinner, and some of the booths had even shut down, but I was determined to see this to the end.

Wayne got to the final copy, and made quite a showing about it being the final copy. He paced the floor with it. He’d stop and think about whether the time was right to give it away (he does this a LOT – pulls out an item, gauges the reaction, and then swaps it for a Human Torch backpack once the fever builds). He decided to ask a question: “What’s Wolverine’s real name?” This, my friends, is somewhat of a trick question. I didn’t know which answer he wanted. After all, everybody knows it’s “Logan”, yet this was after Origin had come out, so the real answer was “James Howlett”. Seeing as how he IS the guy from Marvel, I figured Wayne would want the Howlett answer. So, I jumped up and down, screaming “James Howlett!” I could hear a good deal of the crowd going the Logan route, while my fellow fanboys were chiming along with the Howlett chorus. I have to believe that Wayne noticed how I’d played the game. I think he knew that I was there for one thing, and he was determined to make me wait for it. Or, maybe he just noticed me at that point. Whatever it was, he was prepared to make my day. It felt like slow motion, as he walked over and handed me the book. In my haze, I shielded it until I could get out of the crowd, and I quickly put it in my sketchbook for safekeeping. Once I got to an empty corner of the Javits Center, I double-checked to make sure that it was real, and that I hadn’t imagined the whole thing. What I saw in my hands was the book that you saw above, and it’s been sitting on my makeshift mantle ever since.


DC Comic-Con: Well, There’s Always Next Year…

So, today marked the 1st (annual?) DC Comic-Con. However, in this case, “DC” meant “Northern Virginia”, and “Comic-Con” meant “church bazaar”. I really had high hopes for this show. Established as a joint effort between Baltimore Comic-Con creator Marc Nathan, and the Laughing Ogre chain of stores, the show was poised to give the DC-Metro Area its first taste of a somewhat “official” comic book convention. Considering how great the Baltimore show has become over the years, this venture held a lot of promise. Unfortunately, something went wrong between idea and execution.

Now, I was actually supposed to volunteer for the show, as I first learned about it when I was in Marc’s store a few months back. He had a really good idea: he was already hosting a Free Comic Book Day signing in his store, so he figured he would just offer those guests an extra night’s hotel stay, and have them as his guests for the show. On top of that, he was going to make sure that all of the local shops had flyers available on FCBD, so that he could take advantage of the newcomers who might be flocking to stores. Considering his guest list was going to include Frank Cho (Ultimate Avengers 2, Liberty Meadows), JG Jones (52, Marvel Boy), Jo Chen (Buffy Season 8 covers), and others, it sounded like it couldn’t fail. Of course I wanted to be on board with that! He told me to show up early, and he’d put me to work. Well, fast forward to this morning, as I didn’t get to sleep until 7 AM because I’d been up working on restoring older entries to the site (I’ll explain that situation in another post). So, considering I wasn’t getting to sleep until about 3 hours before the show started, I simply muttered “Fuck that noise”, and went to sleep.

Over the past few days, I guess I lost most of my interest in the show when it didn’t seem like anyone really knew about the thing. I was in a comic shop yesterday, where I overheard someone talking about it, but their account of the thing was riddled with misinformation. On top of it, these were the retailers, themselves, and not just some fanboys standing around. So, it was becoming apparent that those flyers hadn’t made the rounds as planned. Also, the website was only updated intermittently. By Thursday, in total, there had only been about 5 update posts – none of which contained any major information, outside of the list of creators who’d be present. The only show-exclusive item was a variant cover of Witchblade, which would benefit the Hero Initiative. That’s good for the Hero Initiative, but the whole “Show Exclusives” part of the site looked pretty sad, as nothing else was being listed alongside it. It’s almost like, “Why bother?”

The worst crime of the site, however, was that it didn’t even list information pertaining to the price of regular admission. It stated that tickets would be available at the door, and not in advance (unlike the Baltimore show). Also, admission would be $5 IF you signed up for the e-mail newsletter. What if I don’t want to sign up? Well, there’s no information for that scenario. Guess I would just have to find out at the door…

So, I woke up around 11:30, and really debated whether or not I wanted to even bother with it. I had told Marc I’d volunteer, but it’s not like he really cared. He’d be OK. The main thing, though, was that I didn’t really know how to get to George Mason University. Sure, there’s Mapquest, GPS, and all that, but I hate the thought of trying to navigate a college campus. Cornell was basically the entire town of Ithaca. I knew GMU wasn’t that big, but I didn’t want to waste most of the day wandering around aimlessly. I checked the con’s site, only to see that they had uploaded a map of the campus, showing the location of the show, as well as the lot (Lot A) which was the only one open to con guests. Nice of them to post this…on May 1st. Yeah, they did it yesterday. The day before the show.

Honestly, though, I really just wanted to go so that I could finally meet one of my twitter pals. He’s one of the few people I can actually have a tweetversation with, and I think he’d be a cool “real life” friend. I knew he was making the trip from Baltimore, so if he could do that, then I could suck it up and drive to VA.

I headed down to GMU, but I was looking at the map on my phone, as I didn’t have the chance to print it. The Zoom option didn’t want to work, so I was flying blind. Once on campus, I couldn’t, for the life of me, find Lot A. Driving around Patriot Circle, the signs about the show/lot simply ran out. I ended up parking in the lot for a shopping center across the street from the campus. I didn’t want to risk tickets/towing by parking in the wrong campus lot, and I don’t mind walking. If I had found Lot A, it would’ve been a “5-10 minute walk” to the show. I’m not sure if that estimate was for the “normal” person, or for us geek types, who don’t have much in the way of cardio training.

I wandered through campus a bit, and actually walked past Lot A. It wasn’t much closer than the shopping center, so I didn’t feel too bad about my choice. Since the main campus seems to be configured in the middle of a circle, it wasn’t too hard to figure out the general direction of central campus. That said, all of the buildings, while nice and new, all pretty much look the same. Every now and then, I’d see a fat kid carrying a bag of comics, coming from the general direction in which I was headed, so that was an encouraging sign. Eventually, I just had to suck it up, and ask some kid where the Student Union was. Luckily, it was right around the corner from where I was. Keep in mind, this whole walk, which was in the CORRECT direction, contained NO signage to imply that I was headed in the right direction. I couldn’t have been the only one to experience this. Sadly, I arrived just in time to receive a tweet saying that my twitter pal had just left.

Anyway, once at the student union, there was nothing outside to indicate what was going on inside. No “DC Comic-Con Here!” sign. The only clue was that there were more slovenly kids with bags of comics, and a line at the ATM. Once inside, I realized that it wasn’t exactly a well-oiled machine. Admission turned out to be $5, so I guess the newsletter tactic was a bust. The problem was that, after I paid the money, the guy manning the table was more concerned with me filling out a raffle ticket than with giving me my wristband. People were bunching up around me, so once I was done, his partner tried to charge me another $5 before he’d give me the wristband. I told him I’d already paid, and the 1st guy co-signed it, so I got my wristband. That’s when I entered the “ballroom” where the show was being held…

You know your grandma’s church? The one that’s old and drab ’cause only old people attend? The one where they hold bazaars in the drab auditorium? The same auditorium which has a stage up front, as they sometimes use it to present the Christmas Cantata? Well, that’s exactly what this venue was like. It had a very “flea market” vibe to it. The entire room was filled with vendor tables, while something seemed to be happening onstage. I started to make the loop, but people were just in the way. This is a common problem with conventions, as everybody wants to bodyblock the longboxes until they’re done looking through them – very territorial.

As I’m walking through, I realize I recognize a lot of the vendors. After all, I used to frequent those little comic shows they hold at the Crowne Plaza in Tysons. Yup, there was the guy with one arm. There was the jerk from Columbia. There was the dude who always gives me the stink eye. The gang was all there. As I continued around, something became VERY apparent to me: the vendors had only brought their older comics OR their junk. So, if you were new to comics, your only options were overpriced yellowed books from the ’70s or a bunch of $1 bin books from the mid ’90s. I was kind of offended by this, as it implied that none of the vendors had taken the show seriously. Just as the place looked like a church bazaar, they were treating it as one. As I walked around, I overheard a lot of grumbling amongst the vendors, as the show clearly hadn’t met their expectations. Now, I’m not sure if they were unhappy with the turnout, or the lack of sales, but I have to lay some of the blame on the vendors themselves. Outside of the shitload of unnecessary Deadpool variant covers released over the last few months, the vast majority of vendors didn’t have any books published within the last five years. On top of that, it was a great show for anyone looking for cheap trade paperback collections, but the single comic offerings were piss poor. One guy was selling “new comics”, one of which was an issue of Amazing Spider-Man that came out six months ago. Now, considering that series comes out thrice-monthly, that book is basically a year and a half old, when compared to other comics. That’s not NEW.

I made about 5 loops around the room, and couldn’t find ANYTHING on which I wanted to spend money. It was all junk. Hell, I was so disgusted that I passed up the FCBD books that some guy had leftover from yesterday. I bought the DC Comic-Con exclusive Witchblade because it was the show’s ONLY exclusive, and I wanted to have proof of the show’s existence in case it’s never held again. It helped out the Hero Initiative, though I’ve never exactly been sold on that organization (look up its guidelines some time – there’s a a VERY narrow pool of creators who even qualify for its assistance).

The saddest part of the convention was the lone Joker who was skulking around the show floor. This dude looked terrible! I mean, his costume was good, but he just looked depressed, and I’m not sure if it was part of his cosplay. I think he just felt out of place, as he was the ONLY one in cosplay that I saw. They were granting free admission to anyone who showed up in full costume, but he’s the only one who looked like he may have taken advantage of that offer. In any case, I eventually saw him hiding behind a pillar, fervently texting someone. Maybe he was asking Batman to come and take him back to Arkham. After all, that HAD to be a better option than where he was at the moment!

Oh, remember the commotion onstage? Well, that’s where those big name creators were set up. It was so awkward, however, as they were elevated over the rest of the show floor. To add to that, any fans wishing to get signatures & sketches had to wait off to the side of the stage. When it was their turn, they went up, as if they were about to receive a diploma. I’m being overly dramatic, but it really looked like an elitist setup, as we were all waiting to “pay tribute”. I already had signatures from all of them, so I didn’t even give it a second thought.

While on Loop #5, I noticed one vendor, who also happened to be the only vendor who was even remotely friendly to me, had a bunch of old toys for sale. Really old toys. That’s when I saw them: the Hasbro figures from the Stargate movie. Kurt Russell as Jack O’Neill, James Spader as Daniel Jackson, and nary a trace of likeness rights between them. Despite looking nothing like the actors, I LOVE Stargate, and I couldn’t shake a stick at the price tag of $3 each. As I took Daniel and O’Neill to the vendor, he laughed and told me he would cut me a deal for all of them. There were 6 figures, and he said he’d give them to me for half price. Now, I’m normally a sucker for a deal, but I really had no use for Lt. Kawalsky and Horus figures. I mean, Kawalsky looked just like O’Neill, but had a different color shirt, and I don’t care about grunt soldiers from a defunct toy line. I could’ve had them all for about $3 more than I spent, but I just didn’t want more junk in my apartment. I’m gonna hang Daniel and Jack on the wall, like the kitsch that they are. I simply had no use for the others.

IMG00087-20100503-1111_opt

The very second after I completed that transaction, I headed for the door.  I didn’t care about the raffle, or the door prizes, or spending another second in that place. I walked out the door, and didn’t look back.

While I had major problems with the venue, I think my main disappointment came from the fact that I had held such high expectations. It’s really a matter of semantics: this was not a convention, but a show. A comic convention is an experience. There are vendors, panel discussions, and it provides fans with the chance to meet their favorite creators. A comic show, however, is simply about selling. Vendors bring their backstock inventory, and hope to unload some of it to people who are trying to fill holes in their collections. Shows don’t always have guests, and when they do, they don’t tend to be “marquee”. This show definitely fit the latter definition. It was geared toward the collector, and the older collector at that. It didn’t serve as a proper introduction for the new fan, nor as encouragement to the casual fan. I’m a collector, and it didn’t even fit my needs, so I’m left to wonder what was the target audience for this show. It’s got some reputable names behind it, so maybe this was a case of “1st year mistakes”. I didn’t exactly have an amazing time, but fanboys are gluttons for punishment, so I’m not giving up on it completely. After all, there’s always next year…


“Wolverine has never had luck with women.”

Maybe that’s because he surrounds himself with TRANNIES!!!

That has got to be the WORST Kubert cover I’ve seen in some time…


Wolverine and the X-Men – A Review

“All of the boys and all of the girls are begging to if you seek Amy”

So, I had another post lined up, but I had to push it aside to let the world know about a show that they should be watching:

In case it’s not apparent, this is gonna be a “comic post”, so only about 2 of you reading are gonna understand it, but that doesn’t mean that you shouldnt try. Now, back to the show.

So, Wolverine and the X-Men. I didn’t want to believe it either. I’m going to go out on a limb, though, and say that it’s probably the best cartoon of the past 12 years (NOTE: For those keeping score at home, I’m dating back to Batman Beyond. Ben10 isn’t as consistent as it should be, while I never liked Justice League as much as people said I should have). It’s even better than the original Fox Kids X-Men. Yeah, I said it.

To fully understand why it’s so good, you have to understand the failings of past X-Men shows. The original cartoon pilot, Pryde of the X-Men, is almost perfect. It’s a snapshot of the team of the time, but it also featured the “core” team, AKA everyone who starred in that kickass arcade game. The thing even had Dazzler! The only real error of that pilot was that they made Wolverine Australian. Other than that, it holds its own against any other cartoon of the time, and seems like it would have been pretty true to the source material. It’s biggest “fail” was that the series was never produced. Oh, and they called him “Mag-NET-o” (without the long “e”).

Next, we have the Fox Kids show. Yes, everyone knows it’s awesome. Unfortunately, the same thing that was a boon for the Pryde show was a shortcoming for the FK show: the team is a snapshot of the team at the time. Most people would say that wasn’t a bad thing. After all, the show debuted in 1992, around the time of the launch of “Adjectiveless” X-Men #1, which sold 1,000,000 copies. It’s true: I have a retailer-only hologram to prove it. So, the franchise was clearly at the height of it’s popularity. Not bad for a series that spent half of the Seventies reprinting older stories just to stay afloat.

Despite the “required” members, like Wolverine, Cyclops, and Storm, you also got the fan favorites, such as Gambit, Rogue, and Jubilee. It’s funny to watch that thing now because the first question I ask myself is “Where the Hell is Jubilee these days?” Sure, I know the answer, but it just goes to show how dated that lineup is. The problem with the makeup of the team is that the show was really striving to adapt classic X-Men stories, such as the Bishop/Cable dynamic, The Dark Phoenix Saga, and even Days of Future Past, yet most of the team wasn’t even present for most of those classic events. The Dream Team of 1992 hadn’t been assembled at the time of the franchise’s most iconic storylines. So, you were left with Gambit and Beast being shoehorned into roles that didn’t fit. Or, you had Xavier and Jean around with nothing to do.

Xavier has 2 purposes in the X-Men franchise: he’s the father figure, and he has a rich history with Magneto. When that gets stale, they make him disappear (as the team works best without a father figure), and he comes back with the ability to walk. That is, until the use of his legs is taken away. It’s as cyclical as the seasons. Recently, in the comics, they’ve tried to come up with a 3rd purpose: Xavier’s secretly an asshole, and his motives weren’t purely on-the-level or altruistic back when he first created the team. It’s not that far-fetched, but it’s a bit “too little, too late”. Nothing quite like “dancing between the raindrops of continuity” when storylines get a bit weak. So, he really shouldn’t have been present for that show, as he also wasn’t present for most of those important storylines. Jean shouldn’t have been in that show either, if for no other reason than the fact that no one has known what to do with that character *since* the Dark Phoenix Saga. Whenever you have a reboot/reimagining of the X-Men, Jean is merely present as you wait for the inevitable appearance of the Phoenix. Once that’s done, her usefulness is over. The show lasted 5 seasons (the last of which featured animation so poor it looked like someone’s high school project), and is considered a classic. I’m not trying to take anything away from it, but Batman: The Animated Series is a classic. X-Men is like really good karaoke: it might be really good, but it still ain’t the real thing.

The less said about X-Men: Evolution the better. Sure, I know there are people out there who like it, but I don’t feel that it ever really grasped the notion of the X-Men. Sure, it had characters who looked like, and shared the names of, popular X-Men, but I didn’t feel it ever really “got” it. Not that it didn’t have it’s high points. After all, it introduced Wolverine’s “sister”, X-23, and it put the creative team of Kyle/Yost on the map who now not only write for the comics, but also are behind the new show, Wolverine and the X-Men. Again, the main problem with Evolution is the cast. The whole “some X-Men are gonna be students while some are gonna be adults” doesn’t work. Don’t keep some X-Men as adults, while de-aging others. If you want that concept, make it The New Mutants, and have the few adult X-Men leading some younger kids at the academy. Plus, it was always weird to me that the show aired on a network owned by the competition (The WB, aka Warner Bros, the corporate parent of DC Comics). I almost felt like the show sucked out of spite, like notes and suggestions were coming down from the network just to screw it over.

Now, we have Wolverine and the X-Men on Nicktoons. When I first heard of this show, I thought it was a terrible idea, mainly because Wolverine is more overexposed than young starlets’ panties over the past 5 years. Plus, I didn’t like the concept: Wolverine leading the X-Men. You know, I’d be all about a cartoon just featuring Wolverine, where we learn about his past and he goes on solo adventures, kinda like his comic series. But the notion that Wolverine was going to lead the team just seemed like exploitation of a brand. It was the comic/cartoon equivalent of “David Ruffin and the Temptations” – we know you’re the star, but you don’t have to be so egomanical about it. It’s clear that this was meant to position him for the theatrical release of X-Men Origins: Wolverine, so I kinda gave Marvel a pass. Then, I really thought about it, and it’s not that far-fetched of an idea, especially if you’ve seen X2: X-Men United. In that movie, Wolverine proved himself an effective leader when he had to help those kids get away from Striker in the mansion. Sure, he’s a reluctant leader, but he really steps up to the challenge when forced. Fortunately, this is the Wolverine that we see here. He’s been given a mission that he doesn’t want, but he realizes someone’s gotta do it. For those who don’t know the set-up for the series, here we go. If you look closely, you’ll immediately realize why I love this concept now:

When the show begins, the team is already exhibiting classic behavior, doing their thing in the Danger Room. You’ve got your Colossus/Kitty dynamic, you’ve got the playfulness of Nightcrawler, and my personal fave, you’ve got the Scott/Jean/Logan love triangle. Plus, for an added bonus, it looks like Logan’s finally winning that battle (I always felt Cyclops was too insecure for a relationship with Jean, especially when it’s clear that she wants the bad boy. She may tell herself she needs the stable, predicatible guy, but she wants the rebel). Everything’s going fine until the mansion is attacked by unseen forces that appear to be targeting telepaths. So, in a flash,Xavier and Jean disappear to parts unknown. Cut to one year later, Wolverine is roaming the country, trying to leave his past behind, when forces from Senator Kelly and the Mutant Registration Department drag him back into the game. He feels that the war between mutants and humans is brewing but the team has disbanded over the past year, and he’s got no allies. He realizes he’s got to get the band back together. After the pilot, each episode is pretty much consumed with the idea of him finding another former member of the team and convincing them to come back. It’s odd to see him in the the recruitment role, but he handles it effectively. Plus, it doesn’t hurt that most of them don’t need much convincing : they had just figured the team was no more, so as they see signs that it’s being reformed, they’re usually more than willing to come back.

The strength of the show is the cast. If you look at the image above, the core team consists of Wolverine, Beast, Nightcrawler, Shadowcast, Storm, Cyclops, and Emma Frost. That’s the beauty of it: it’s hint of the old and a hint of the new. The Emma Frost addition to the team has been a pretty controversial aspect of the comics over the past few years, so it’s such a bold move that they’d add that dynamic to this new show. Also, the characterization of some of the team members is so spot on for what they’re trying to accomplish: it’s a cross section of all of the working concepts from the various incarnations of the team. The character design of Toad, “double agent” Rogue, Logan winning Jean, and black Nick Fury are from the Ultimate Universe, brooding, unshaven Cyclops is from X-Men: The Last Stand, Wolverine’s basic mood is from X2: X-Men United, and Xavier’s primarily out of the picture, as he was for most of the good “616″ storylines. Instead of trying to retell stories that have been told, retold, and retconned in the past, the show focuses on new stories that still capture the essence of the franchise. You still have Senator Kelly, Bolivar Trask, Magneto, and Sentinels, but you’ve also got the concept of the Registration Act thrown in for good measure.

Even if your favorite member isn’t on the team, you still might see them: Gambit popped up in Episode 5 in what may have been his best onscreen characterization EVER (and a better accent than the 90s Gambit; thanks, Phil Lamarr!). Pixie and Sammy the Squidboy showed up in Episode 6, as Nightcrawler fought against Mojo’s pirates. Angel is the team’s money man, while Forge keeps the Blackbird running. We even saw Boom Boom, Dust, and Rockslide in the pilot, as Wolverine and Beast liberate the MRD cells. This show is great because it makes use of all of the toys in the frachise without being bogged down with the idea of “So, when should we bring in the Phoenix Saga?” Sure, they still have time to fall into that trap. After all, they’ve only aired 7 episodes in America, so I might be lamenting the show’s downfall 2 seasons from now. At the moment, however, the show captures the strengths of the X-Men franchise, while also showcasing Wolverine as an effective leader, which is something that many fans haven’t had the chance to fully embrace. Anyway, why are you even still reading this? Head over the Nicktoons.com, watch the episodes, and see for yourself.


Wolvie & Harry’s Matrixy Adventure

“I was gonna have sex with you, and then we were gonna watch Batman. Your loss!”

So, my mother and I like to frequent this huge thrift store in the area (Unique Bazaar). We usually call it “The Spanish Store”, mainly due to its clientele and the fact that everything is written in Spanish. Anyway, it’s always bad news when we go because we end buying a bunch of crap that we don’t need.

Well, yesterday, I was in the toy section and noticed something. You see, they bag up separate tiny toys into grab bags, in order to move the merchandise quickly. Well, a certain baggy of action figures caught my eye. In this particular bag, there was Wolverine, Professor X, Harry Potter, Professor Snape, and Neo.

At first, I thought, “Why would someone put these figures together? X-Men, Harry Potter , and The Matrix in one bag? That’s almost sci-fi blasphemy! But then I thought again, and realized that it was BRILLIANT!

Think about it. That would be the highest grossing movie of ALL TIME for INFINITY. They would have to print more money just to meet the demand. No movie would ever come close to breaking that box office. It would be the “Ken Jennings” of cinematic blockbusters. I almost fear that Hollywood would simply shut down after such a daring venture. I mean, not only would it signal that Hollywood had exhausted all ideas, but there also wouldn’t been any point. It would be the “Great American Novel” of Hollywood megahits. Whenever people would have brainstorming sessions, every idea would be shot down with a “Well, there’s no way it’s gonna be as good as “Wolvie & Harry’s Matrixy Adventure”. It would usher in the end of Hollywood. But Hollywood will have gone out with a bang.

I think what saddens me most is that this genius, who came up with the greatest idea of all time, will never be discovered because he/she works in this thrift store and might not even know English. I’m getting a Salieri Complex just thinking about it…


Comics Rant: House of M, Gambit, Infinite Crisis, X3, and Blade TV

“I’m sorry…I know I maybe taste like a cracker.”

Comics Rant

The following will make sense to maybe 2 of my readers. Sorry, but I needed to get this out of my system. But stay tuned, I’m sure I’ll wax philosophic on 90210 or something with a little more of an all-encompassing vibe in the coming days…

MARVEL
-SINISTER IS GAMBIT’S FATHER?!!! Is this in-continuity? Are they gonna keep this development? I mean, it makes sense, but…

-So, you mean to tell me that Hawkeye’s now dead in BOTH universes? I was never a fan of 616 Hawkeye, but Ultimate Hawkeye was kinda noble. Man, Marvel must really hate archers or something…

-So, the Sentry may actually be an amnesiac Thor? That’s an interesting theory…

-Wolverine’s a much cooler Avenger than X-Man. “House of M” only proves this theory. Plus, check out his solo work in “Wolverine”. Last issue, he killed 5,000 people. Yup, you read that correctly.

-Speaking of “House of M”, rumor is that it’s going to knock the number of mutants in the world back down to around 300. In the past few yrs, Marvel went a little apeshit, and EVERYONE was a mutant. Apparently, they want to get back to basics, where mutants were a small group which can be more easily persecuted. Not sure if they’re just gonna depower the muties or kill ‘em…

-I hate to say it, but I think Bendis may actually suck now. I mean, he’s writing every book Marvel puts out. They have no regular shipping schedule. And, I’m kinda gettin’ tired of him..

-Finally got around to reading “Marvels”. It was NOT the tour-de-force epic that I’ve been hearing about for the past 10 yrs. Quaint little ditty, but it lacked something…

DC
-”Infinite Crisis” has GOT to restart the DC timeline! Why do I say that? Too many things have happened recently that never should’ve:
1)Luthor knows Superman’s Identity
2)Checkmate knows EVERYONE’s Identities
3)Batman no longer has ANY foes
A) Joker is a broken amnesiac in a traveling circus
B) Two-Face reverted back to Harvey Dent
C) Poison Ivy-Dead
D) Riddler-MIA
E) Bane -reformed
F) R’as Al Ghul – Dead
G)Catwoman – reformed AND knows Bruce is Batman
H)Penguin moved to Bludhaven
I)Scarface -Dead
J)Man-Bat reformed and has a Kid-Bat

4)Did I mention that Jason Todd’s back? For real. Robin II has returned from the dead as The Red Hood II and, with the exception of Hush, is Batman’s only major villain.

MOVIES
-Alan Cumming probably wishes he’d kept his damn mouth shut. He was so excited when he learned that Bryan Singer was no longer directing “X3″. He went on record for several publications, stating how much he disliked working with the man, and how relieved he was that he wouldn’t have to repeat the experience. Well, Fox has decided not to pick up the renewal option in his contract. Which means that neither Mr. Cumming, nor Nightcrawler, will be seen in X-Men 3. Sometimes you’ve gotta wait before you gloat.

-Speaking of X3, the damn teaser poster’s already up in theatres. The movie ain’t even close to being done, and it’s not like they’re going to lack an eager audience. Yet, Marvel still felt it necessary to give you a 24×36 one-sheet of Wolverine’s claws. Thanks, Marvel. ‘Cause you guys make it SO easy for us to forget what Wolverine looks like…

-David Goyer announced he’s developing a “Blade” tv show for Spike. I wonder if Snipes is gonna try to sue…

OK, I think I’m done for now. Just needed to geek out for a minute…


Marvel Doesn’t Seem To Care About The Fantastic Four Movie

“I did punch a baby once…in anger. In my defense, the baby was being kind of a dick.”

What is with Marvel and their promotion of “Fantastic Four”?

This is NOT going to be a good movie, and I feel like Marvel knows this. You know why I say this? Because they simply dusted off their “X-Men” publicity and switched out the pictures.

Every press junket, every promo, every bit of publicity for this movie is just leftovers from “X-Men”. Right down to the premiere which, like “X-Men”, was on Liberty Island in NYC. Now, Liberty Island had meaning to the X-Men premiere, as anyone who’s seen the movie can attest. Is the Statue of Liberty a part of FF? Who knows, but I’m sure as Hell gonna rant about THAT if it turns out it is…

Why are you doing this, Marvel? I know that the Fantastic Four are “Marvel’s First Family” and all, but I don’t see this as a compelling movie. Part of the draw of FF is the family dynamic, which actually takes awhile to form. They just don’t fall in line. Sue and Reed get married, have that bastard, Franklin, and the familial ties begin to show. In the beginning, though, which is what the movie is based upon, they were just four fuck-ups who didn’t have sense enough to steer their shuttle away from the radiation…


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