2011 In Review: #New52 Pick-Up
So, I'm usually not a fan of year-end, best of posts, but I feel that we've experienced enough of the DC Comics' New 52 that it's time to revisit it. As the biggest comic event of the year, you may remember I had some preliminary thoughts on the whole venture. Around that time, the guys over at the PowetCast were nice enough to have me on their show to discuss the whole thing. Now that we're four months in, I've got to say that I'm not really impressed. While DC has gotten more press than they have in years, there really aren't a lot of new ideas here. While a few of the new approaches are interesting, I haven't read anything that warranted a reboot. Also, I don't feel like the right questions are being asked by editorial. They seem to be asking, "How are we going to reintroduce Steel?" Instead of asking "Is there even a need/place for Steel in the new universe?" In short, it's more of the same, on a compressed rollout schedule. As I did before the launch, I thought I'd revisit the launch books and give updated thoughts.
1. Justice League - Sure, I like it so far, but I know that it's only a matter of time before the team is filled with the members of the sure-to be canceled Justice League International. I love the team of Johns and Lee, but we're about a year away from it being the team of Milligan and Kubert. That's not a flagship-worthy creative team to me.
2. Justice League International - This book is more painful than Batman and the Outsiders. I considered it to be the Booster Gold fill-in book, but it's not the same Booster. I'm also buying it because Batman's on the team, but I think I'm done after the first arc is done. As an aside, I really thought it would feature the pre-Flashpoint Booster as he deals with his new surroundings. After all, he was outside the timestream as Flashpoint occurred, and actually popped up in that universe. I've read enough comics to know he should be all kinds of fucked up from that. I don't feel like getting to know a new Booster, even if he turns out to be just like the old one. The old one didn't need replacing.
3. Teen Titans - Done with #3. I just can't bring myself to care. DC can't seem to decide if this is the first incarnation of the Titans. I don't like the characterization of Tim Drake, and I don't like the new characters. Done.
4. Suicide Squad - I'm quite enjoying this. While I'm not keen on New Harley, I like that it uses characters that can afford to have liberties taken with them. Had I stuck with Secret Six I probably wouldn't feel that way, but so far I'm pleased.
5. Action Comics - I think I'm done with #4. Never been a Morrison fanboy, and the pacing is rough. I was trying to be a trooper, but we're getting 2 months of fill-ins before the initial story arc concludes. Look, I was a proponent of the fill-in model, but I expect you to get out the FIRST ARC before employing it. Plus, I had to be honest and ask myself "Am I a Superman guy?" Like, will I honestly be reading the book in a year? Unlike Batman, I'm not gonna just buy Superman books out of habit. If it's bad now, it's only going to get worse. Done. Steel introduction this early on? Double done.
6. Superman - I actually find this one interesting, yet it's so damn verbose. Too many damn words. I swear Claremont is ghostwriting this thing. While I know there's a 5 year gap between the events of Action and those here, this does not feel like the same Superman, and that's a problem. The one in Action doesn't even feel like an inexperienced version of this guy. Im hanging on, but will probably drop after the first arc.
7. Superboy - Done with #2. Like with Teen Titans, I just don't care. This isn't my Kon-El, and I don't care enough to get to know him. The Caitlin Fairchild angle almost kept me on, but that just forced it into another unnecessary direction - Gen13 rehash. I'm not saying that's where it's definitely going, but I read the whole "genetically-engineered teen turns against clandestine maker" story back in '94, and it was called Gen13. Pass.
8. Supergirl - never picked it up. This is, what, her fourth incarnation since COIE? Not interested.
9. Batman - look, I like Snyder, but I don't get everyone raving over Capullo. All of his white males look the same - the only difference is height. I've read online interviews where he has said the similarities between Bruce and the new politician guy are deliberate, but that doesn't explain why they look like the same characters he drew in Haunt. He makes Tony Daniel look talented.
10. Detective Comics - Speaking of Daniel, he doesn't suck nearly as much as he used to. I honestly enjoyed his opening arc, even if it felt like he was playing with Morrisonian concepts that he didn't fully understand. He's showing growth, and that's admirable.
11. Batman: The Dark Knight - Why am I buying this book? It isn't very good. This is what happens when you promote an artist to writer just to keep him from jumping ship to Marvel. Every iconic character has a superfluous book, and this is Batman's. This is the Legends of the Dark Knight/Batman Chronicles/Batman Confidential of the New 52. It's for those people who'll buy anything with Batman in it, though it really doesn't move the needle in terms of adding value to the character. I like Finch's art, but I see myself dropping this soon. In my 52 Thoughts post, I said that Paul Cornell or Peter Tomasi would be on it in a year. Well, I was close, as Paul Jenkins is already on as co-writer.
12. Batgirl - I'm pretty much done after the first arc. I thought she was better as Oracle, and what I've read hasn't made me feel like Barbara Gordon-as-Batgirl is even needed. Why not keep Cassie or Steph? The Bat timeline is the most confusing of the relaunch, since we don't know which events still happened. That said, I just haven't enjoyed this. Call me when she's paralyzed again.
13. Batwoman - This book is the comic equivalent of a beautiful woman with no personality. I like looking at it, but the story has done absolutely nothing for me. Batwoman has been around for about 5 years now, and we know so little about her. This isn't done in a deliberate way, either, like with old school Wolverine. Why is she necessary? Why is she wearing the mantle of The Bat? I've said it before, but I'd appreciate her more as an original character called the Asskicktress than as Batwoman, as we still haven't been given a good reason as to why she chose to be BATwoman. She's not likable. The way DC pushes her sexuality, she comes off as a "diversity hire", but I'll admit that the only thing I do find interesting is her relationship with Maggie Sawyer. I'm a sucker for supporting cast members. Still hanging on...for now.
14. Catwoman - Man, did everyone lose their shit over the sex in #1! I admit it caught me off guard, but other books have shown that New 52 Bruce Wayne does fuck. My major concern is that I hope he used a bat condom! Just like with Action, am I gonna be reading Catwoman a year from now? Probably not, but I'll finish the first arc. Like in the past, I'll come back when they rope her into the first mega Bat crossover.
15. Red Hood and the Outlaws - It started out as everyone hating Whorefire, but that seems to have subsided. I dislike this book for another reason entirely: it's just not what I signed on for. I expected Red Hood and Red Arrow to be anti heroes, doing their own thing. I did not expect mystical mumbo jumbo, and I hate that shit. I don't care about mystical cities and revenge and whatnot. Seriously close to dropping this.
16. Batwing - My God this is a good book! Who knew? I was ready to write it off as another "diversity hire" book. After all, out of all the Batman Inc folks, why did HE get a series? That said, I'm loving it. Sure, Winick worked an AIDS reference in by #4, but I'm thoroughly enjoying it.
17. Nightwing - I feel like I've read this before. Sure, the Haley's angle is new, but it reads just like the last Nightwing series, when he moved to NYC. All Nightwing series begin with him doubting himself and finding his confidence. He usually finds it just in time for the next reboot/relaunch. Finishing the arc, but not impressed.
18. Batman and Robin - After Morrison left, this felt like an unnecessary flagship - like when Whedon left Astonishing X-Men. That said, I'm loving this new direction. This is where you get the emotional beats of Bruce getting to know the son he never knew he had. Some may find it unnecessary, but these are the interactons I've wanted to see since Batman R.I.P.
19. Birds of Prey - Dropped it after #1. Just like with Booster and the Titans, I have no desire to get to know this new team. Don't need a new Dinah. Don't care to know Starling. I know some of my online friends love it, but it's just not worth the $3 to me.
20. Green Lantern - I've said this in other places, but #1 felt more like a season premiere rather than a series premiere. What I mean by that is that it was clear that events had occurred prior to the issue - important events. While it was accessible, I couldn't help but feel I was missing something. Considering I'd read the Sinestro Corps War, as well as Blackest Night, that's not a good feeling. I am, however, enjoying the focus on Sinestro. I've never truly seen him as a villain, so I'm enjoying this spotlight on him. That said, I'm probably gone after this arc. GL is written in an almost Marvel way, where one event leads into the next, so jumping off may not be as clean a break as I'm hoping.
21. Aquaman - Really loving it. I'll chalk it up to Johns's writing, but I'm enjoying it so far. I can see myself dropping it eventually, but no time soon.
22. Wonder Woman - Dropped with #1. Chiang's art is gorgeous, but I don't know what the fuck is going on. Mythology is not my bag, as I learned most of it from Hercules and Xena. I just couldn't follow it. I know there are folks out there who eat that stuff up, and more power to 'em. Just not for me.
23. Flash - I'm actually enjoying this arc. I like Manuapul's art, and the story is pretty engaging. That said, I still don't really care about Barry Allen. This is even after Rebirth and Flashpoint. Just don't care. So, I can see myself dropping this after the first arc.
24. Blue Beetle - Dropped with #1. Not in the mood for a new introduction, as it feels like we JUST met Jaime. Also, I get that he's a Latin character, but the book is too in your face with the Spanish. It's off-putting in a way. I hope he opens a lot of doors for minority characters, but he's not for me.
25. Fury of Firestorm - My God this was a piece of shit. Dropped with #1. It's such a cliched mess. I expected the comic adaptation of City Guys, but I expected better dialogue. This needed to happen, though, just to show that Gail can and does write shit every now and then. I know that's a controversial notion to some, but she's human, so she's capable of error. She sucked on Gen13, she sucked on Wonder Woman, she sucked on The Atom, and she sucked on this. Not everything she writes turns to gold. This was a horrible, horrible book. DC seems to think Firestorm deserves to be represented in some fashion, but they just can't wrap their brains around the proper way to do it.
26. Mr Terrific - Dropped with #3. It seemed like most people were reading because they heard Karen Starr was in it. Then, they lost their shit when she turned out to be his fuck buddy rather than Power Girl. While I don't claim to know a ton about Mr Terrific, this ain't the guy I remember. They want him to be too many things. He's black Tony Stark, with a hint of Reed Richards. He's so smart, yet such a disaster. He's about to lose his company, he travels to microdimensions, and he's visited by his supposedly dead son from the future. Plus, the pacing is just all wrong. He proceeds to tell his origin as post-coital pillow talk. It comes off like, "Thanks for the pussy. So, let me tell you about my dead wife." I just don't care anymore. I think folks are now reading it just hoping for clues as to where the new JSA will come from. Since DC has pretty much said that this is where you'll find clues, I don't expect the book to go anywhere anytime soon. I just won't be along for the ride.
27. Static Shock - Dropped with #3. I really wanted to support this book. Fun character, Scott McDaniel art. That said, like Green Lantern, it felt like too much had occurred prior to the series. I don't even know where such events could have occurred, as Static's appearances were irregular pre New 52. It just didn't feel accessible. Started to feel like a chore.
28. Frankenstein - Intriguing ideas, but its tone didn't seem to fit everything else going on in the New 52. I enjoyed the character in Seven Soldiers but that series worked because it was so outside the DCU norm. I might like this as a Vertigo book, but it felt like Hellboy. If I wanted to read a Hellboy clone, I'd just read Atomic Robo. Dropped with #1.
29. Justice League Dark - Interesting, but it's really just Shadowpact borrowing on the clout of the Justice League brand. I don't like magical bullshit, so this was dropped with #1.
30. Blackhawks - a few yrs ago, when they knew they were losing the G.I. Joe license, Devils Due went after the license for The Corps. You know The Corps - they're the G.I.Joe knockoffs that your grandma always gets you 'cause she doesn't know any better. Instead of The Baroness, there's The Contessa. You get the picture. Anyway, they only got out a #0 before they apparently forgot they had the license. Why do I bring this up? It's because this feels like that series. It's DC's Chinese knockoff Joe team. I don't think the DCU needs a Joe team. After all, Checkmate seems to still be in existence. Where does this group fit into things? Tonally, there's just no place for this team, and I don't feel like getting to know them.
And The Rest: OMAC, Captain Atom, Green Lantern Corps, Green Lantern: Emerald Knights, Red Lanterns, Hawk & Dove, LOSH, Legion Lost, Deathstroke, Grifter, Voodoo, Stormwatch, All-Star Western, Men at War, Animal Man, Swamp Thing, Demon Knights, Resurrection Man, I, Vampire, Green Arrow, DC Universe Presents, Savage Hawkman - skipped, no interest
DC also decided to slip a few miniseries out amongst the 52 ongoings. Lately, I have a "no mini" policy, as they rarely add any value to a franchise. If it turns out to be important, I can always get the trade. So, I skipped Penguin: Pain & Prejudice because, well, it's a book about Penguin! I also skipped The Shade because, while the Starman Omnibus series taught me that James Robinson is an incredible writer, with an incredible take on The Shade, it simultaneously taught me that I have no desire to read those characters outside of collected editions. So, I'll skip it for now. There's some scuttlebutt that sales are low and the series may not reach completion, but that's just a risk I'm willing to take. I gave Huntress a chance, but I'm done with #2. People online are raving over this thing, and I don't have a clue as to why. Sure, Marcus To's art is beautiful, but the glacial pacing would shame even Marvel editors. It's going nowhere fast, and I'd just rather save the money.
So, it seems like I just had a lot of bile to spew, but there are some bright spots: Aquaman, most of the Bat books, Justice League, and others. The bottom line, however, was that these results could've been achieved from a creator shuffle and NOT a full-scale revamp. It was GREAT PR, but that's only going to last so long. At this point, the sales have pretty much settled down, with Marvel again taking the lead market share. This tactic may have attracted new fans, but at the cost of old school fans. I'll admit that I don't like change. I'm a curmudgeon like that, but I'll still give things a chance. I'll give credit where credit is due, so I feel there are some bright spots out there for DC. As a whole, however, I don't think there's enough evidence to call this a rousing, long-term success. What I can say is that DC closed out 2011 with a highest profile than they've had since Superman died. At this rate, they'll be the popular girl again by 2032.
Off To See The Wizard…
So, in an effort to sort out my junk room, I decided that I could probably start with my longbox of Wizard publications. I quickly tired of being reminded of Wetworks and Vampirella books, so I decided to focus on my issues of Toyfare instead. For those not really "in the know", Toyfare was a monthly magazine published by the fine folks who also gave the world Wizard: The Guide to Comics (which later rebranded itself as a "Men's Pop Culture Magazine", whatever that means). Anyway, Wizard used to highlight toys, but as the industry ramped up, there was too much to report than the meager 2 pages in Wizard allowed, so the toy focus was spun off into its own magazine. At its best, Toyfare gave an in-depth look at fan favorite toy lines. At its worst, it was a glorified toy catalog. To be honest, "glorified" doesn't even fit, as regular toy catalogs at least listed prices - something Toyfare couldn't be bothered to do in many cases. Anyway, while flipping through the pages, a few thoughts came to mind, and I figured I'd share them here.
-What happened to Palisades Toys? I was never a Muppets fan, but I could respect that they truly paid attention to detail in making those Muppets toys.
-Diamond Select should've been run out of business for those horrible Serenity figures. I've actually said this to DST staffers. They like to change the subject when that line is brought up. I'm no Serenity fan, but I know a slap in the face when I see it.
-Did Hasbro ever present a use for those Jedi Master points?
-Is bbi still around? I remember they used to make those awesomely detailed solider dolls. Sometimes they'd use a Hollywood likeness without ever really securing the rights. So, instead of a Saving Private Ryan doll, it'd be a "World War II Officer" with a Tom Hanks face or something.
-An issue from 2002 stated that we had a better shot of seeing a Thundercats revival before a true G.I. Joe renaissance. Huh.
-The book REALLY started to suck when they took a parody approach to the articles. It was cute for the April Fools issue, but for a good 3 years every article in the book was like a Robot Chicken skit. While Robot Chicken showed that approach could be funny, it just gets tired in print.
-I wonder how many of the toys previewed in Toyfare actually NEVER came to fruition. I know for a fact that King of the Hill Series 2 never came out. That was when everyone wanted to jump on the interactive soundchip playset bandwagon, but I guess Toycom realized they couldn't swing it.
-When they started posting the Complete Photo Guides to toy lines, that made the magazine worth the price of admission.
-Near the end, they were just reprinting the movie articles from Wizard, seeing as how comic movies also tended to have toylines.
-I never realized how many 80s Toy Quizzes they published. That magazine survived an extra 3 years just by jerking off fans to fantasies of a M.A.S.K. revival.
Culling the ranks of the Toyfare stash didn't take much time, so then I cam back around for the herculean task of weeding out the Wizards. After all, I had a complete run for about 10 years or so. Along the way, I noticed a few interesting things:
-Where is Christina Z these days? For those not in the know, she was the first woman to make Wizard's Top 10 Writers List, and she used to write Witchblade back when it was all T&A. That way, whenever someone criticized it for being a T&A book, Top Cow could protest, "No, it's written by a woman!" Her last publicized work was Jenna Jameson's Shadow Hunter. I bet that wasn't a T&A book at all...
-Paula Cole should sing "Where have all the CCGs gone?"
-I don't want anything to do with J. Scott Campbell until he finishes Wildsiderz.
-Brandon Jerwa started his career on G.I. Joe with a fan submission
-I had no idea Fox has been using the "Animation Domination" name for its Sunday block since 2005!
-Broken Promises: Bryan Singer's Ultimate X-Men arc
-Broken Promises: Jeff Loeb & J. Scott Campbell's Spidey title
-Broken Promises: When Bendis left The Pulse, he said it would continue with another writer. This didn't happen.
-Yay! Kubert's on Batman. Surely, he'll have a long run on this book!
-In '03, J.Scott Campbell went exclusive with DC. Can anyone name what came from that? Anyone? No, because NOTHING came from that contract.
-Why did they stop making DC Minimates?
-There was actually an article called "Treasured Chests", where they compared the cleavage of Talia Al Ghul, Power Girl, and some Wildstorm chick.
-Kia Asamiya. Yes, I get that everyone had Manga Fever, but WHO THE FUCK PUT HIM ON X-MEN?!!!
-Broken Promises: Loeb & Lee's promised post-Hush 6-issue arc on Batman.
-Before they diversified their brand with Pilot Season, Top Cow was pretty much just, "Hey, kids! Tits!"
-After Chaos went under, Lady Death went to the Code 6 imprint at Crossgen. Now, she's at Avatar, under the Boundless imprint. Lady Death: She Doesn't Just LOOK Like The Village Bicycle!
-There was an Olympic ad in the March 2002 issue. Like, a real brand, and not some e-store or superhero-inspired motorcycle jackets. The actual Olympics, with the athletes and shit. SO out of place.
-Chaos allowed fans to serve as associte editors on books. They spun it as "interaction", but it was really just cheap labor. They went under soon afterwards.
-Only in 2002 could Joe Mad make the Top 10 Most Influential Artists List. He ranked higher than Sienkiewicz!!!
-Broken Promises: Kevin Smith was supposed to take over Amazing Spider-Man, and JMS was to move over to a new book. Smith also said in interviews that he only agreed if they would allow him to reunite MJ and Peter.
-Broken Promises: Kevin Smith was also announced as the writer of a new iteration of Brave and the Bold just before signing an exclusive with Marvel.
-Based on the number of articles, Fathom "returned" about 12 times, but never actually finished.
-Top Cow has been streamlining its universe since 2001, with no end in sight. The first event, Universe, made Tomb Raider & Fathom part of TC canon...interesting, seeing as how both properties are no longer under the TC umbrella.
-Where is Devin Grayson? Did her career end at the same time as her relationship with Mark Waid?
-I think the best depiction of Rogue was the promo image to her Icons mini. She's strong and athletic - believably 19 (which is the age she's rumored to be), and not a busty, 30-something skunkhead.
-Alicia Witt would've been a MUCH better Mary Jane in the Spider-Man movies.
-Instead of rushing to reprint them, Bill Jemas put the Ultimate titles online, 12 pages at a time, to "reward the readers and retailers who jumped on the Ultimate bandwagon at the beginning, thus making those initial issues all the more valuable." - 2001
-In 2001, Poison Elves creator Drew Hayes signed an unprecedented 50 year deal with Sirius Entertainment. While this was clearly a publicity stunt, Drew would pass away in 2007.
-Casting Call: Geoff Johns cast Heath Ledger as Wally West and Owen Wilson as Trickster.
-Issue #110's letter column only featured mail sent by prisoners.
-They used to have a column called "oops..." where they made corrections to previous stories. This was phased out in later years, as the entire magazine became one giant collection of typos and mistakes.
-Broken Promises: Top Cow got the A-Team rights in 2000. Did nothing with them.
-Did America ever get Bandai's handheld system, the WonderSwan Color?
-They were REALLY pushing for Brendan Fraser to be Superman, as they cast him in 3 different Casting Call articles over the years.
-Casting Call: Tom Selleck as Tony Stark, Kevin Sorbo as Thor, and Howie Long as Cap. This would've been fine...in 1990. They also cast Howie Long as Duke in G.I. Joe. Wizard really liked Howie Long.
-The same character was named "Venus", "Sexbot", and finally "Aphrodite IX"
-Finally, back when DC did the whole Superman Red/Blue thing, a few high profile artists were asked to redesign Superman's iconic suit. One of those artists happened to be Jim Lee. Looks like he's been married to that high-collar design for quite some time...
So, what were your favorite Toyfare/Wizard memories?
Thrift Justice – The Case of the Three Jokers
So, last weekend the rain was too much of a nuisance for any of the local yard sales to take place, but I was still jonesing for a treasure hunt. That meant that I had to find someplace indoors, which led me to the Civitan Flea Market. Located in Arlington, VA, the Civitan Flea Market occurs on the first Saturday of each month, from the months of April to November. I checked it out for the first time a few months back, and I liked what I saw. Since it takes place in a multilevel parking garage, it's open rain or shine. Basically, a vendor pays about $20 to set up in a parking space, and you're left to just make the rounds. From what I could tell, vendors don't seem to have "regular" spots, so I walked around to see if I noticed any of the good vendors from my first trip. But we know you're not here for the words - you're here for the haul!
Recently, I've been buying up all the cheap Calvin & Hobbes books I run across. Here's a little confession: I really hated C&H up until about 2 months ago. I know most of my peers fondly look back on the series, but I just never "got" it. I think I had the misfortune of always tuning in when it was one of the, for lack of a better word, "preachier" strips, so I just always felt it was overrated. That said, as someone who had a myriad of imaginary friends, this series was pretty much right up my alley. So, I found a collection at a yard sale a few weeks back, which has led to the acquisition of 2 more collections.
As a fanboy, this is one of those things that I guess I'm expected to have read. I'd never really come across it, and it always seemed a little too much of a Sandman gateway book anyway. Since I'm neither a cutter, nor do I work at Hot Topic, I always shied away. Well, on this particular day, I guess I was kinda desperate to buy a comic, and this was the best I could do. The vendor wanted $3 for it, which I felt was kinda steep. Then, she told me that it was for her grandson's college fund. I couldn't let the guy suffer through student loans as I had. I forked over the three Georges. Then, I asked her where he was thinking of going for college. She replied, "Well, he's only 16 months old right now." Huh. All I could say was, "Well, I guess you've got a couple more sales ahead of you."
I'd seen this book during one of the Borders liquidation sales, but couldn't bring myself to pay what they were asking at 25% off. This, however, is not only an advance reader's copy but it was also a quarter! I'm a sucker for preview and promo items, so this was just what the doctor ordered. The seller had placed a sticky note on it, saying it was "Perfect for fans of Family Guy and The Daily Show". This might just be an oversell - kinda like how every comedy compared itself to The Hangover for a whole year.
If you dare claim there was a better game for the Nintendo Entertainment System, I will slap you in the face and kidnap your dog.
Stallone was supposed to be in Beverly Hills Cop. They decided they wanted to go in another, more comedic direction. He made this instead. And it was GLORIOUS. I love this movie for the odd product placement. Just imagine: Pepsi paid to have one of their soda fountains shot up in a standoff; a Christmas-themed Toys "R" Us commercial is playing in the background, as Stallone cleans his gun and eats cold pizza!
I wouldn't buy season sets of this show, but I am sucker enough to fall for "The Mike Judge Collection". Sure, it's a best of collection, but it's a multi-disc best of. Plus, I trust Mike Judge. The man went on to give us Office Space and King of the Hill. It'll be worth it if "Teen Talk" is one of the episodes featured. "I'm Lolita, and this here's Tanqueray. You boys wanna go back behind the bleachers and make out?"
And now we come to the reason for this post's title. You may not be able to tell, but this is a deck of Batman Begins playing cards. It was purchased for three reasons:
1) I love Batman
2) I love shiny things/holograms
3) They were $0.25
Now, I knew what I was getting into. The seller told me that someone earlier in the day had counted the cards and that while the deck was missing an Ace, there were THREE Jokers. Now, I'm used to quirky merchandise, so I wondered if it was supposed to have 3 Jokers. I mean, "Joker" kinda means a little more in a Batman-themed card deck, so maybe that was the novelty. Still don't know. I don't even play cards!
This is Tri-Klops. He's from He-Man. That is all.
This is Lothor - the "big bad" from Power Rangers Ninja Storm. While he was far from the most menacing villain, I always loved his aesthetic. It's not everyday you see an evil alien ninja in a luchadore mask. The articulation sucks, like most Power Rangers villain figures, but he still looks cool standing around.
A Nightwing doll! How cool is that?! Yes, I'm calling it a "doll" because that's basically what this is. Sure, his body is probably based on a G.I. Joe style body, but he's got a cloth outfit and hard plastic head. He appears to have mustard or something on his chest, but I don't care. Nightwing doll for $1!
I got this from my favorite vendor. Last time, she had some great Batman stuff, and this was just as cool. If you're not a comic person, this is an unused cover from X-Men: Alpha, which kicked off The Age of Apocalypse. This event started just as I was getting into comics, and I haven't experienced something that riveting since. A lot of comic crossovers are cyclical now, but this was actually a fresh idea. Anyway, this appeals to my love of comics, as well as my love of shiny thing/holograms. Oddly enough, I don't remember this as having a holographic cover gimmick; it shipped with a foil cover gimmick, so I wonder if this was some sort of retailer exclusive.
These came from the same vendor as the X-Men cover. It may not be immediately apparent, but the "Vote DC" poster is actually a promotional item from the Marvel vs. DC event. You'll notice Batman hiding Captain America's shield in his cape, as Superman brandishes The Hulk's pants. Below that is a poster for 1991's X-Men #1. I collect comic promo items that are typically only available to retailers, so these 2 posters were great finds.
Well, that's all she wrote for the flea market. Next month is the last one of the season, so I'm pretty sure I'll go check it out one last time. In the meantime, I've got my hands full with the thrift stores. Tune in next time, where I'll show ya some autographed stuff I came across!
Thrift Justice – I Didn’t Put Away Childish Things
So, the whole Thrift Justice thing started off strong. I told a cute story about a little kid, and I reminded everyone about Stranger Danger. Then, I dropped the ball. Fear not, true believers! I'm back with more words and more treasures. Here's what I got during last night's trip to the thrift store (forgive the pics; couldn't find my camera, so I had to settle for the phone):
As you can see, it was a run of the mill toy haul. Still, let's take a closer look at what I got:
First up, we've got Apocalypse from the Super Hero Squad toyline. Basically, he's the same scale as the Spider-Man and Friends line - Marvel heroes in the Rescue Heroes scale for younger kids. These, along with Mattel's Super Friends, came out while I was working at Toys "R" Us, but I just couldn't bring myself to pay retail for these things that were clearly made for preschoolers. I have no problem, however, paying $1 for them.
Isn't he the cutest little genocidal maniac you ever saw? I think I want to give Apocalypse a hug!
Remember how I mentioned Super Friends? Of course you do - it was just a few inches higher on the page! Anyway, here's Lex Luthor from that line.
And the Spider-Man and Friends line? Yeah, this is Spidey #3. I also have a quick-change Peter Parker and a shiny suit Spidey.
So clearly I'm addicted to "toys made for preschoolers". This is a new low for me. You see all these guys? I've acquired them all over the course of the last month. Still, never paying more than $1 for any figure, I don't feel too bad about it. Hell, they're so cute that I'm even mixing universes, and I'm a staunch comic segregationist!
I'm always fascinated by the wear and damage that I find on some toys. While a lot of stuff is in pretty good condition, there are also many items that look like they've been to Hell and back. What the Hell did they do to Raphael's foot? Were they reenacting Roots? Sure, he was a dick, but DAMN!
This, my friends, is a Nerf scope. As my twitter followers know, I'm slowly building a Nerf militia. Ya see, I wasn't allowed to have toy guns when I was growing up. The closest things I had were the Nintendo Zapper and an old hair dryer that didn't work. So, when I struck out on my own, as a man, one of the first things I bought was the Nerf Nite-Finder. That didn't quench my foam lust, however. Luckily, my lovely girlfriend (Lindsay/@specialEteacher for y'all playing along at home), got me the Nerf Raider for Christmas last year. This was soon followed by the Maverick, Long Shot, and Recon. And another Long Shot. Basically, if I found one at a yard sale or thrift store, I bought it. They all had a tactical rail for adding scopes, but you can't find them in stores or the Hasbro website any longer. So, imagine my joy when I spotted this baby sticking out of the stuffed animal bin at a thrift shop! Lawdy, lawdy I can see! Anyway, got this baby for 69 cents!
Well, that's enough rambling from me. I took more pictures, but I'll save those for the next post.
Change In A Flash: Thoughts on The End of an Era
So, that was Flashpoint, huh? Ya know, over the years, I've bullied DC by saying they should be more like Marvel. I felt they should be better at social networking and also start leaking their big stories to the New York Post. Over the past year, DC seemed to have heard the same suggestions from others more important than me, as their social network presence increased and they got chummier with the press. I did not, however, say that they should ape Marvel's storytelling style. At the same time, though, they started recreating Marvel's starting lineup from 1994. They already had the Kuberts and Fabian Nicieza, but they also brought in former Marvel E-I-C Bob Harras and former X-Men writer Scott Lobdell. The end result is that Flashpoint ends up being Age of Apocalypse by way of House of M. It looks like DC had been paying attention to the competition, but at what cost?
I compare Flashpoint to Age of Apocalypse, as it utilizes the same "alternate reality on the verge of cataclysmic war - comprised of minis and one shots" format. The tone is very similar to that of AoA, plus it doesn't hurt that Andy Kubert did the art on both storylines. Also, Flashpoint #5 is almost a beat-by-beat retelling of the end of AoA. They even do the "final battle as the bombs go off" thing.
I mention House of M because it provides the setup for the story. Everything changes in a flash, as people are living their lives one way, and a flash of light completely changes their circumstances. Also, HoM did have lasting effects in that it allowed Wolverine to remember his past and, more importantly, it reduced the number of mutants in the Marvel Universe to roughly 198. Flashpoint, similarly, has the repercussion that it sets off an entirely new iteration of the DC Universe.
I'm not gonna do a recap, as you've read the book. This isn't even a "review", per se, but I did want to share a few thoughts I had along the way, bulletpoint style:
-I know, I swore I wasn't even going to read this "event". I felt like the Big Two were just repackaging old concepts, and I didn't feel like rereading the same old stuff. Then, two things happened. First, it emerged that Fear Itself was basically a Thor story, which just solidified my lack of interest in it. Next, DC announced not only the "New 52", but also the fact that Flashpoint would be the springboard for all of that. So, excited for the future, I decided I should probably board the Flashpoint train.
In all, I enjoyed the core Flashpoint mini. It moved quickly enough that I didn't focus too much on characterizations and motivations. I got the gist of it, and I knew that if I wanted more, there were always the spin-off minis. I only picked up the Batman one, though.
-The story's resolution felt like some kind of marketing mandate to ensure that Flash: Rebirth "mattered". Even though people trust Johns to dust off these older concepts, nobody wanted Barry Allen back. Nobody. We were all fine with Wally. The ending felt like "See? You didn't want Barry back, but you couldn't have had this shiny new universe without him. You're welcome."
Marvel does a much better job of making you think that everything was connected in some grand plan. Secret Invasion pays off a plot point from five years prior, and you have to wonder if they got lucky, or if they really did have this planned all along. DC didn't pull off that magic with Flashpoint. I don't think Flash: Rebirth was ever intended to result in this, as it was *meant* to pay off in a monthly book on which Manapul couldn't keep up the pace.
-While I understand that Flash has the power set/mechanics to set this ball in motion, it feels like this would've worked better as a Batman story. Maybe they couldn't do it, as Lord knows Batman's been through enough in recent years, plus they needed to really reestablish Barry's importance. Just like Identity Crisis was all about loss, this was about familial ties and the notion that "you can't go home again".
The problem is that Barry's momma drama isn't as well known as Bruce's. A man on the street could tell you next to nothing about "Barry Allen", let alone the fact that his mom was killed. Everyone, however, knows that Bruce Wayne's parents were killed (even if they think the Joker did it), which led him to become Batman. For true gravitas, and to help Batman move along in a more positive direction, it should've been Batman displaced in time, working side by side with his father, as master tactician during the war, yet still getting the closure he has sought all these years. In fact, that would've been preferable to the whole Quantum Leap drama of The Return of Bruce Wayne.
-Sometimes I have trouble conveying myself outside of analogies, so I hope you can follow this: let's say a person has an accident and ends up in a coma. The family mourns initially, but if he's in that coma long enough, when it comes time to pull the plug, they realize the guy had basically been dead since the moment he slipped into the coma. Still there? How does that apply? Well, I felt like this series would pay off in some kind of grand farewell for the old DCU. Instead, by issue #5, you realize they were basically already gone and wouldn't be making an appearance. There was no "goodbye" or "that's all, folks". Silver Age comics would've had silhouettes of the JLA waving goodbye from the clouds or something as the last panel. I think was expecting that "Whatever Happened to the Man of Tomorrow?" ending. What a Hell of a way to cap off an era that was!
Even though all of the solo books wrapped up (some better than others), Flashpoint really was just a Flash book, as none of the "real" depictions of the characters ever made an appearance (with the exception of Booster Gold). I guess I expected some kind of spillover into the "real world", and the end result would be this weird amalgam of them both. Instead, we learn there are *3* timelines, which are all just hastily combined into one.
-What was that 3rd reality? I recognized the one we were leaving (left page) and the new one (right page), but was that the full 3rd along the top? So, it was Wildstorm and alt versions of 2nd tier characters?
-Barry has memories of EVERYTHING now? That's a seed for a future storyline, if AoA is any indication. In that story, Bishop was the only one who remembered the AoA timeline, which caused him to go insane down the road.
So, in all, I didn't hate the ending, but it certainly wasn't what I was expecting. I guess I could call that a success, as it proves this old dog hasn't seen it all. At the same time, I'm no more jazzed about the New 52 than I was, and I feel that's a failing. I admit that I haven't read Justice League #1 as of writing this, so maybe I'll change my mind. All I know is that this was billed as the end of an era. Everything renumbered. A shit ton of new launches. A clean slate. All that said, I still don't feel like Flashpoint truly gave me the chance to say goodbye to what we were leaving behind.
The Stan Lee Panel – Day 2 of Baltimore Comic-Con 2011
This is Part 2 of a 2-part saga. In case you missed Part 1, click here: Go ahead, I'll wait. Done? Good. The following takes place on Sunday, August 21 from 3:00 PM to 5:00 PM.
So I didn't take part in much of Day 2 of the con. I slept 12 hrs the night before, so I got a late start. I braved torrential rain and traffic to get there right before the start of Stan's panel. Thanks to that pricey VIP I'd shelled out for, I just walked right in.
Jimmy Palmiotti was hosting the panel, and he asked us to really show Stan how much we appreciated him by giving him a huge entrance. It's not like Jimmy had to ask - we're talking about The Man here! Anyway, Stan entered with security to a rousing standing ovation. Once Stan got on stage, he told us that he had caught a bit of a bug over the weekend. He said he'd been talking all weekend, and he was all talked out. This wasn't a cop-out, however. Instead, he said that he wanted us to ask him questions since he didn't know what to talk about.
What followed turned into what could best be described as a "love fest". Fan after fan came up to the mic to thank Stan. Many of them told touching stories of how Stan's comics had affected them. One guy was a speech pathologist who uses comics to help his clients. One woman was in college to be an animator - inspired by the Marvel comics she'd been introduced to by her uncle. A woman dressed as Poison Ivy shared that she was a military wife, and that her relationship with her husband had bloomed due to comics. He's currently deployed in Afghanistan, but their shared love of comics helps them to reconnect and strengthen their relationship. It was clear that much of the audience could relate to a lot of how comics had touched their lives, so I almost wish they had orchestrated an audience unison "thank you" to move things along.
Eventually, Stan said that he appreciated the thankful sentiments, but joked that "People keep thanking me for what I've done for them, but I didn't do it for you; I did it for ME! If what I did for me affected others, then great!"
Despite being under the weather, Stan was in great spirits, and the best part of the show was just hearing his stories:
Stan said that Iron Man used to get the most fan mail from women. He said that he believed it was due to the fact that women liked 3 things in a man:
1)Money
2)Power
At this point, a woman in the audience yelled "who drinks!"
Stan said, "Well, that helps!"
3)A woman likes a man who's got something wrong with him, so that she can say to herself, "Oh, I can fix you right up!"
Stan also expressed his pride in the fact that comics were now accepted in the mainstream. Multiple times, he said that comics used to be thought of as something read by little children and simple-minded adults. He said that was the reason he had changed his name, as he didn't want anyone he knew to know he worked in comics. He said, "I used to have a real name, a normal name just like you. I was Stanley Martin Lieber. But I was so ashamed that I took my first name, and broke up the 2 syllables."
An audience member asked him what he thought of the Spider-Man: Turn Off The Dark. He answered, "I saw one of the previews. I thought it was really great. I didn't like the music that much, but that was because not all of the songs were in it. Of course, this wasn't when people were falling and dying all over the place," which got a huge laugh from the crowd.
Another fan asked what comic book world he'd like to be sucked into if he had the chance. He replied that he'd like to go to the Archie universe, so that he could have Betty & Veronica.
There were a few moments that were funny in the slight discomfort they caused. One fan said that he was a fan of Ultimo, a manga series produced in Japan by Stan's Pow Entertainment. He asked Stan what the experience had been like. Stan said that he couldn't make heads or tails from what was going on in Ultimo. He said that he gave them the beginning of the story, but that he doesn't even know what's happening at this point in the story. He said there are plans to bring it to America, and he hopes it comes with an instruction manual so he'll finally know what's going on!
As if his candor was a bit surprising, he immediately followed up by saying that "The Japanese people are a hardworking, intelligent and polite people, and I had to learn to bow after every word I said." You could kinda feel a bit of tension in the room, like when your grandpa mentions how hard working the Mexicans are during Christmas dinner. It seemed like Stan felt it, too, and he quickly recovered with an "I don't even know what that has to do with what we're talking about!"
Next, after a fan asked him what his favorite Marvel movie was, he answered that it was the first Spider-Man. Then, he proceeded to talk about Blade, and how he couldn't remember the writer's name (David Goyer), but how he had tattoos all up and down both arms. Stan couldn't believe his arms were absolutely covered, and he said he'd never seen anyone with that many tattoos. Like, he was absolutely amazed by it! Seeing as how it's Baltimore, and 1 in 5 people in the room had a full sleeve, this, too, was a bit awkward. Again, he recovered with an "I don't know what that even had to do with what we were talking about. What was the question?"
That exchange did, however, lead to the next great part of the panel. Jimmy decided to ask the crowd if any of them had tattoos of Marvel characters on them. A guy got up, and showed that he had Black Cat and Mary Jane on his arm. At this point, someone in the back yelled out, "What are they doing?!", which led to a big laugh. Another girl said that she had Marvel symbols tattooed on her. She walked down to the stage and showed that the had the X-Men circled "X" tattooed on both sides of her...bikini area. She got down to the stage, and Stan said "I can't see it." She rolled down her pants a bit, and he said, "Oh, I can see it now!" The crowd roared. He said "I thank you, and the X-Men thank you!" As she walked away, he said, "Wait, that's all we get?" Jimmy piped in "Stan likes the ladies." Stan countered with, "Yeah, like I'm the only one!"
The panel wrapped up soon afterward, and I made my way back to the con floor. Now, remember how I'd braved the rain and traffic? Well, I had neglected to hit the ATM before getting to the show, as I foolishly thought "I'll just hit the ATM at the show." Who knows how this ends? Yup, it was out of money. So, thus began a mad race to hit all the booths I knew had stuff I wanted, praying that they took credit cards. During this time, I also met up with good e-pal @sycobuny, as this has become our annual chance to meet in person. That reminds me that I forgot to mention the great Yo Go Re from OAFE in my last post. He miraculously spotted me out of all the other geeks on the con floor, and I was finally able to put a face to a name. In any case, Sycobuny and I ran around the floor, asking everyone "Do you take credit?" I had a few misses, but I also had a few hits. Feast your eyes on the day's haul:
As you can see, it's more of the same from yesterday. More DC Universe Classics, more Marvel Mighty Muggs for the gf. And again, no comics.
In all, it was a great weekend. One of my fanboy dreams came true, I got to catch up with e-pals, and I also got a lot of cool stuff for my collection. Thanks for reading, and thanks to Cool and Collected for making this blog "crossover" a reality. Meet me back here next time, as we'll probably talk about a bunch of geeky, politically incorrect stuff. Until then, Excelsior!
So, That Was The Wonder Woman Pilot…
All of the "real" sites used their connections to see the rejected Wonder Woman pilot right after the network upfronts in May, but I don't have that kind of Rolodex (does anyone use an actual Rolodex anymore?). Anyway, thanks to a pal on Twitter, I was finally able to see what all the fuss was about. Let me just get my snobbery out of the way: as a student of comics and television, it's glaringly obvious as to why NBC passed on this show. Even in its position at the bottom of the ratings, Wonder Woman was NOT going to be NBC's salvation. If The Cape didn't save them, this sure wasn't going to do it, either. Honestly, Wonder Woman is more on the level of the short-lived Birds of Prey series.
Few people remember it, as Smallville went on to last ten seasons compared to BoP's one, but I maintain that Birds of Prey and Smallville were of the same level of quality. The only difference was that Superman was a more recognizable character than Commissioner Gordon's crippled daughter/niece and Batman's daughter (?!). Both shows were on The WB, where it didn't matter what the shows were about, as long as the people were pretty. With Adrianne Palicki and Elizabeth Hurley, Wonder Woman's got that in spades. Also, Birds of Prey struggled with the fact that it was trying to tell a story without being allowed a full understanding of the characters. As BoP was laid out, Barbara Gordon was the former Batgirl who, after being crippled by The Joker, now operates as infojock Oracle. If you've read the comics, that's familiar enough. Next, you've got Helena Wayne, who in this situation, is actually the adult daughter of Batman and Catwoman. Oh, and she's also a mutant. She's got heightened senses and jumps high and shit, which enables her to patrol the streets as Huntress. Now, here's the kicker: since Warner Bros wanted to focus on revamping the Batman movie franchise (this was pre- Batman Begins), they didn't allow Batman in the show (except for a brief sequence in the pilot). So, you've got your core cast, whose origins revolve around a concept that can only be danced around. And to explain it in the show, apparently The Joker killed Catwoman. TV Batman was such a punk bitch that he became distraught, and left Gotham City forever. So, what followed were 13 episodes of Barbara and Helena, both inspired by He Who Shall Not Be Named, defending Gotham City in the hopes that He Who Shall Not Be Named decides to stop being a bitch and comes home. Sadly, the show didn't last that long, but the finale did involve a cool fight scene set to the t.A.T.u. classic "All The Things She Said".
How does this all relate to Wonder Woman? Well, just like BoP, it doesn't seem like David E. Kelley was allowed full access to the character. Sure, it's a Wonder Woman costume, and DC was behind the project, but it lacks an understanding of Wonder Woman. This has been one of the biggest problems for Wonder Woman, as the comics lost sight of what makes her tick quite some time ago. The Greg Rucka era was the last time that anyone proudly read the WW comic series, and even "female character wunderkind" Gail Simone couldn't get a grasp on the character. I ranted about this at length on twitter, but I felt like they should've focused figuring out the answer to "Who Is Wonder Woman?" before committing her to other media, like a weekly TV series. If they had called this show "Donna Troy", it would've worked better. She wears a similar costume, looks the same, and nobody knows what the Hell her deal is. That's her gimmick! Over the past 30 years, her mere existence is perpetuated on the fact that she's just a walking identity crisis. Wonder Woman, however, should have a defined mission statement, which is neither present in the recent comics nor this pilot. There's nothing to "wonder" about the woman in this pilot unless you're wondering how she got cast. Anyway, here are the thoughts that occurred to me as I watched the show:
-There's a LOT of exposition, but you're really only informed of Wonder Woman's backstory through newscasts and political pundits. I liked the pundit sequence. Not sure if they actually got Dershowitz, Dr. Phil, and Nancy Grace on board, or if it was just clever editing, but this is what would happen if superheroes existed in the "real world". If that's what they're going for, however, this could be a problem down the line.
-OK, here's where things get more confusing than they need to be. In the show, Wonder Woman has THREE identities! She's Wonder Woman, she's international businesswoman Diana Themyscira (who's also publicly known to be Wonder Woman), but she's ALSO Diana Prince, which is the mousy-'cause-she-wear-glasses-and-a-ponytail-even-though-you-know-she's-really-hot-like-in-She's All That identity. By day, she's one of the first two, but by night, she goes home to be Diana Prince, where she watches The Notebook with her cat. Yes, that happens. Since she's not a lawyer, nor is she in Boston, I'm left to believe that this is the "David E. Kelley Touch" on this project. First off, I don't think Wonder Woman would watch The Notebook, nor would she ask her cat if she should set up a facebook profile. This is all part of the "Well, she is a single woman, so she's got needs and is probably lonely." Family Guy conveyed that best here:
I get it. Set up a love story to grab some female viewers, but all that's missing is the pint of Ben & Jerry's. Also, I don't see why she needs a 3rd identity in order to be lonely and "normal". So, she puts on glasses and hides in her modest apartment so she can pretend she's making decent lonely single lady money, when she knows that she's actually a multimillionaire with a penthouse and a multinational corporation? I can understand having a weekend getaway, but this is a bit much.
-I'm the one guy who's never watched Friday Night Lights, so I have no previous experience with Adrianne Palicki, but I don't feel this was good casting. She never conveys the strength of Diana. Instead, she's soft, and comes across as Kelly Kapowski in a Halloween costume. Her acting is also phoned in. Surrounding Palicki, everyone else feels like they're over acting. Everyone has a sense of urgency, while she just seems...bored. In my mind, Lake Bell or Missy Peregrym would've been stronger, better choices, as they have the look, and they're still somewhat "unknown talents", since nobody watched Surface or Stick It.
-I liked the color/weight blind casting on Etta Candy, but I know the fanboys would've loathed that! They hate Wonder Woman, but still would've jumped on that. Plus, I some fangirls would be upset that Etta Candy wasn't "properly" portrayed as a larger gal...
-This is always going to be a problem when you make an adaptation of a comic character, but the suit doesn't translate to reality. Batman works 'cause he hides in shadows. Superman works in a way. Wonder Woman just looks like she's on her way to her shift at The Crazy Russian. Call me sexist, but the suit doesn't work. You don't know if she's gonna arrest you or try to take you to the champagne room.
-I hate Diana's male assistant, Henry. Had the show been picked up, I feel like he exists solely to be the person close to Diana who gets killed by some villain trying to make a point.
-They say "prick", "balls", and "tits" as an attempt to be edgy.
-Can we talk about the political/legal ramifications of the structure of this show? Everyone knows that businesswoman Diana Themyscira is Wonder Woman, yet no one goes after her company in a lawsuit? They kinda address it, when a senator threatens to sic the Justice Department on her. Diana answers that threat by saying that the country's in two wars, so it doesn't have time to investigate her. Not only is that lazy storytelling, but it's another problem with combining real world aspects with comic aspects.
-She fucking kills a guy! I mean, she throws a pipe through his fucking throat! A security guard who's just following orders! Not a Star Wars guy, but it's really the whole "independent contractors on the Death Star" debate all over again.
-The villain, Veronica Cale, was experimenting on folks from a slavery ring, yet they were all white males. Not who you usually think of being involved in slavery, even the white kind. So, I guess this is when the show decided to stop trying to ape the real world, huh?
So, in the end, it's not a horrible show, but it's certainly not great. Based on production value, this show would've lasted 6 seasons in weekend syndication back in the 90s, but sadly that market is dead. It could've been in a block with Mutant X, Night Man, and Viper. It might even work as a cable show, but it certainly wasn't a good fit for NBC. At the end of the day, it's a serviceable action hour of television, but it's not Wonder Woman. They tried a different take on the character that just didn't work. The funny thing is that there's source material for what they were trying to do: it's called Ultra. As the first big comic project from The Luna Brothers, Ultra was a miniseries from Image Comics which was basically "Sex and the City with Powers". Sure, it had dating drama and whatnot, but there was also a lot of action. Based on what I've seen here, David E. Kelley would be the PERFECT guy to adapt that series. Wonder Woman, however, just wasn't the project for him.
National Lampoon’s Green Wilder: My Review of Green Lantern
So, I finally saw Green Lantern last night. Yeah, I know most of y'all saw it last week, and have already weighed in on it. Some of your reviews I read, others I didn't. Mainly, I didn't want my experience to be tainted by outside thoughts. That said, I didn't go in with an entirely open mind, as I didn't have big hopes for the film. The casting seemed off, the budget had ballooned, and the footage looked like a bunch of CG-why? Still, it's a comic movie, so I wanted it to do well so lazy journalists would can it with the "Is The Comic Movie Craze Over?" headlines. So, what did I think of the film? Well, in my best Jay Sherman voice, "It stinks!" I know a few of you are going to disagree with that sentiment, so I thought I'd let you in on my thoughts, bullet point style:
-No one is likable in the movie, least of all Hal. Ryan Reynolds, once again, shows up to work to play himself. Seriously, outside of Definitely, Maybe, Reynolds hasn't shown much range since Two Guys, A Girl, and a Pizza Place. Hal Jordan is already a boring character (unless he's losing his mind, or trying to avoid DC's Chris Hansen), so casting Reynolds didn't really do much to give the character a personality. It came off like "National Lampoon's Green Wilder". They even gave him another brown friend, just like in Van Wilder.
-I found myself pleasantly surprised by Blake Lively. While I didn't buy her scenes as "tough as nails Sapphire", she and Reynolds had good chemistry everywhere outside of the dogfight scene.
-I liked how Reynolds went all Greatest American Hero when transported to Oa, but hated how he automatically knew how to fly. Where's my flight montage, dammit?!
-Others have said this, but Sinestro is the most heroic character in the movie. Also, I should point out that I don't really have a problem with comic Sinestro. He's not exactly "evil". He just ruled his sector with an iron fist. He was a good cop, who later became corrupt as power went to his head. But you know what? It worked. He maintained order like a boss. Sinestro's tale is played out in many small towns throughout the heartland. Over time, however, I feel DC writers have gone out of their way to really make him seem like a bastard, as they realize his raison d'etre really wasn't that bad.
-I'm pretty sure Hal killed at least one of those guys who jumped him. Sure, it was self defense, but still...
-As most of us fanboys know, Warner Bros pumped an extra $9M in for additional effects, but most of that seemed to consist of enhancing the suit glow. While it would've been unique during a transformation sequence, it really got old seeing the energy pulsing through the piping at all times. The "perma-pulse" really took away anything that might have been special about the suits.
-Speaking of that effects budget, where the fuck did it go? Really, how did they spend that money? A lot of the stuff that was supposed to "wow" me was about 15 years old, from a technological perspective. I'm not saying I was expecting bullet time, but the Lantern flight sequences looked lower tech than the teleportation trails used in Mighty Morphin Power Rangers: The Movie. Oa looked like animation from a mid '90s video game - I'm not even talking console games; it looked like Shareware. Did you see Kilowog's clunky movements when he was simply walking? It was like my system didn't have enough resources to render all the pixels.
-Speaking of Kilowog, I was distracted by the fact that his movie design appeared to be based on the pre-gastric bypass appearance of LA DJ Big Boy (fans of Fastlane will recognize him).
-When did the Guardians get so fucking huge? I thought they were little guys. Here, they're towering. Plus, the chick sounded like Janeway, which only made me hate her more.
-So...I'm guessing Tim Robbins needed to raise that child support money, huh? You were in Shawshank, man!
-in my mind, Amanda Waller should only be portrayed by Marsha Warfield. Or Shirley from Community (or a zombie Shirley from What's Happening!!). Or the wife from House of Payne. Basically, a thick black woman with no ankles. That said, I actually liked Angela Bassett in the role, though I don't remember when she started looking like Cicily Tyson. Apparently, they want her to be the Nick Fury of the DC movie universe. Good luck with that, seeing as how I'm sure she'll be nowhere near The Dark Knight Rises or The Man of Steel.
-OK, in the top secret lab scene where Hammond goes from Folksy Xavier to Trailer Park Beetlejuice (right before Shawshank gets flamebroiled), how did Hal know where they were? He just comes busting through the wall. Don't give me that "the ring pulsed and told him" garbage. If that's true, the director failed to really show that in action, and that throwaway line about the ring warning of surrounding danger becomes a cheat.
-When the Guardians reject Hal's request to help defend Earth, why does he ask their permission for him to go back? They hadn't taken his powers, and it's not like he had any deference to authority figures. I feel if he were truly fearless, he would've been like, "Fuck this, I'm going to save my planet!"
-He threw it into the Sun? Are you fucking kidding me? I get that this is a movie, and not everyone has read the comics. That said, Parallax is a big fucking deal. There's no way Hal's gonna beat him alone - especially not in his rookie state. This should've been an all-out space battle. THIS is where the money should've gone instead of making all the Lanterns look like they've got those old timey Christmas bubble lights in their suits. As a fanboy, it's kind of insulting that they would deflate the enormity of Parallax simply because they needed a movie villain. I felt the same way when Smallville introduced Doomsday. He killed Superman! It had never been done before. And they want to just casually introduce him as the big bad of the season, played by an Abercrombie model? It's as cheap as making Galactus a damn cloud!
So, there you have it. I feel I should point out that I didn't *hate* the movie. Hate is a strong emotion, and I struggled to feel, well, anything from the movie. It just didn't draw me in. I found myself bored and wanting it to end. I'm not the biggest GL fan, so it's not like it insulted any fanboy knowledge I may have possessed. On the flipside, however, it didn't make me want to learn more about the Green Lantern franchise. Over the past few years, the comics have really picked up steam, from emotional spectrum wars to zombie space fights. If I hadn't known any of that, I'd look at that movie and wonder what all the hype was about. You see Iron Man, you know Tony Stark's a cool cat, who has a badass suit. Spider-Man's a geek with a lot of power (and responsibility). X-Men are a bunch of minorities fighting for acceptance. According to this movie, Hal Jordan's an asshole who gets a ring he didn't deserve. I didn't know this was a sports movie! At no point does he ever really prove himself worthy. Sure, he beats Parallax, but it seemed like luck. Even with that victory, he didn't come off as "heroic", and I feel that's a problem. I didn't want him to lose ('cause I'm smart enough to know he won't), but I didn't really want him to win either. The whole thing just left me kinda "meh". If you enjoyed it, more power to ya. I'm not gonna say you're wrong or dumb. I really wish I could've liked it, but it just wasn't for me.
52 Thoughts…
So, I already talked about the future of DC Comics in this post. At that time, I figured it was best to be optimistic, and just wait and see what was in store for us. Now, the 52 launch titles of "DCnU" (yes, I hate that, but it seems to be catching) have been announced, so I thought I'd give BRIEF thoughts on each one.
1. Justice League #1 by Geoff Johns and Jim Lee
Great idea, but we all know that this is the creative team for, at best, the initial arc. By #6, we'll still Johns on board, but we'll have a Kubert or Scott McDaniel on art. You could do worse, but this is a book that deserves to ALWAYS have A-list talent on it.
2. Justice League International #1 by Dan Jurgens and Aaron Lopresti
I like Booster Gold, so I'll give it a shot. I just don't have the love for the JLI that a lot of fans seem to have. I'm here for Batman and Booster.
3. Teen Titans #1 by Scott Lobdell, Brett Booth and Norm Rapmund
All hail our Image overlords. Seriously, this is more DV8 than Teen Titans. At least Tim Drake's still around...
4. Suicide Squad #1 by Adam Glass and Marco Rudy
Another concept for which I've never had much love. It's got Harley in it, though. Crazy, redesigned Harley.
5. Action Comics #1 by Grant Morrison and Rags Morales
This is an iconic comic cover:
This is NOT:
Good luck with that.
6. Superman #1 by George Pérez and Jesus Merino
Meh. This would mean something in 1988. Perez doesn't exactly "bring all the boys to the yard" these days.
7. Superboy #1 by Scott Lobdell and R.B. Silva and Rob Lean
Loved the writer 20 years ago, but don't know those artists.
8. Supergirl #1 by Michael Green, Mike Johnson and Mahmud A. Asrar
These guys kept Superman/Batman chugging along, but I think I was the only one buying that book. Liked Asrar on Dynamo 5, though.
9. Batman #1 by Scott Snyder and Greg Capullo.
Same problem as Action - this cover isn't dynamic enough for a book that's being relaunched after 700 issues:
10. Detective Comics #1 by Tony Daniel
Can't believe Daniel's still on this franchise. He came along because Kubert couldn't stay on schedule. Then, they reward him by making him the artist AND writer once Morrison went off to do what he does, resulting in a run that felt like filler. Now, they shift him over to Detective to do more of the same?
11. Batman: The Dark Knight #1 by David Finch
Relaunched after 2 long-delayed issues. Yeah, this'll work. Paul Cornell or Peter Tomasi will be on this book in a year.
12. Batgirl #1 by Gail Simone, Ardian Syaf and Vicente Cifuentes.
She is HEALED! Barbara Gordon can WALK, and it is a MIRACLE! This one's causing a lot of chatter online. I'm kind hoping hoping the last panel of #1 shows her getting shot.
13. Batwoman #1 by J.H. Williams III, Haden Blackman and Amy Reeder
Do we really need this is the one, true Batchick is back on the prowl? I get that it contributes to DC's "diversity", but she feels pretty redundant at the moment. Plus, Williams is the draw. No one's gonna care once Calafiore gets put on the book.
14. Catwoman #1 by Judd Winick and Guillem March
Winick, eh? How long before Selina gets a trusted confidante who's then diagnosed with HIV? That's the Winick Special right there!
15. Red Hood And The Outlaws #1 by Scott Lobdell and Kenneth Rocafort
I like Rocafort, but Red Hood is kinda like Hush: less is more. Don't keep him in the spotlight. Plus, a team comprised of Arsenal and Starfire hardly makes it a "must read".
16. Batwing #1 by Judd Winick and Ben Oliver
'Cause we've all been wanting to read Bat Panther. Nobody likes reading Black Panther, so who thought putting bat ears on that concept would be a winner? This is an affirmative action ploy right here.
17. Nightwing #1 by Kyle Higgins and Eddy Barrows
Surprise, surprise. Not. We knew it was coming, but we thought it would come through a more organic process than what's seemingly taking place.
18. Batman And Robin #1 by Peter Tomasi and Patrick Gleason
Why does this book still exist? It was created as the "new flagship", a la Astonishing X-Men so that Morrison would have his own sandbox to play in. Once his stuff expanded to other titles, this book's purpose ceased to exist. It's superfluous.
19. Birds Of Prey #1 by Duane Swierczynski and Jesus Saiz
No Gail and no Oracle. This title hasn't fared as well when Gail's not at the helm. Also not sure about the lineup. However, if they're still in Gotham, I'll check it out.
20. Green Lantern #1 by Geoff Johns, Doug Mahnke and Christian Alamy
Doesn't seem like anything changes here. Good for its fans.
21. Green Lantern Corps #1 by Peter J. Tomasi, Fernando Pasarin and Scott Hanna
See #20
22. Green Lanterns: New Guardians #1 by Tony Bedard, Tyler Kirkham and Batt
This will be the first Green Lantern book of DCnU to be canceled.
23. Red Lanterns #1 by Peter Milligan, Ed Benes and Rob Hunter.
This will be the first Lantern book of DCnU to be canceled.
*NOTE: Since there seems to always be a Green Lantern mega event on the horizon, I suspect this book, along with New Guardians will be canceled "as a result of those events" - even though it'll really be due to sales.
24. Aquaman #1 by Geoff Johns and Ivan Reis
It's Johns, so it shows DC's committed, but Aquaman, at his best, has still been considered a joke.
25. Wonder Woman #1 by Brian Azzarello #1 and Cliff Chiang
I came for the art, but I stayed for the story. Seriously, I love anything by Cliff Chiang. Can't say the same for Azzarello, but I'll give it a chance.
26. Flash #1 by Brian Buccellato and Francis Manapul
Who? I mean, I know Manapul - he's supposedly the reason the last series was so late, but this other guy. I assume Flash will have a high profile, due to Flashpoint, but this ain't a team that instills confidence.
27. Green Arrow #1 by JT Krul and Dan Jurgens
JT Krul, huh? He did the lambasted Rise of Arsenal, but people swear he's good. Pass.
28. DC Universe Presents #1 by Paul Jenkins and Bernard Chang
Anthology books don't do well, but Jenkins is a good name to have on this. Plus, it'll serve a key purpose in the beginning, as it will help to explain the new status quo in areas not covered in the established series.
29. Savage Hawkman #1 by Tony Daniel and Philip Tan
Ha! Hawkman's always been a continuity bitch, and Daniel's writing it. I saw it won't last 2 years.
30. Blue Beetle #1 by Tony Bedard and Ig Guara
Glad Jaime's back. It's another diversity book, and it could be DC's Ultimate Spider-Man if handled right.
31. Fury Of Firestorm #1 by Gail Simone, Ethan Van Sciver and Yildiray Cinar.
This is just City Guys with nuclear powers thrown in. Look at that cover. They should really be back to back, with their arms crossed. "They're from different worlds, but they find out they have more in common than they thought." Sitcom 101.
Plus, Gail doesn't have the best track record as co-writer on a book about young heroes. Her run with Byrne on The Atom left a LOT to be desired. It's debatable whether that was due to her or Byrne. Then, her Gen 13 run was also pretty lackluster, but that could also be attributed to that fact that it was a stale franchise. I just don't think she has the same grasp on the "young voice" that writers like Bendis and Kirkman have.
32. Mr Terrific #1 by Eric Wallace and Roger Robinson
Affirmative action hire! Kiss this goodbye.
33. Captain Atom #1 by JT Krul and Freddie Williams II
JT Krul again, and another character nobody really gives a shit about. Won't see year 2.
34. OMAC #1 by Dan DiDio, Keith Giffen and Scott Koblish
Didio on a Kirby concept. Since it's Didio, they won't cancel it until it's only selling 10 copies, but the writing will always be horrible.
35. Static Shock #1 by John Rozum, Scott McDaniel and Jonathan Glapion.
Who? Only one I know here is McDaniel. He's got a nice, kinetic style, but I don't know how this'll play. Basically, Static and Blue Beetle are courting the same audience. If they're aiming for a new audience, this is good, as it could bring in diverse readers. If we're counting on those already reading comics, they hate minority characters.
36. Hawk And Dove #1 by Sterling Gates and Rob Liefeld
This is a joke, right?
37. Deathstroke #1 by Kyle Higgins, Joe Bennett and Art Thibert
He's had his own series before, but he's another character where less is more. Don't try to turn him into an anti-hero, or try to make us sympathize with him.
38. Legion of Superheroes #1 by Paul Levitz and Francis Portela
Levitz knows the Legion, I'll give him that. This is also, like, their 9th reboot since I've been born.
39. Legion Lost #1 by Fabian Nicieza and Pete Woods
Fabian Nicieza AND Scott Lobdell? DC really broke out the time machine, huh? Hope we get some hologram covers out of the deal!
40. Grifter #1 by Nathan Edmondson, CAFU and BIT
So, Wildstorm's back, eh? It could work.
41. Voodoo #1 by Ron Marz and Sami Basri.
Wasn't she a stripper? I don't entirely remember. Based on the cover I've seen, and the fact that Marz is writing it, I get the feeling he's just gonna use some of his Witchblade ideas over here. After all, more people will read this than those buying Top Cow books.
42. Stormwatch #1 by Paul Cornell and Miguel Sepulveda
Martian Manhunter's in The Authority? It might work.
43. Animal Man #1 by Jeff Lemire, Travel Foreman and Dan Green
Jeff Lemire is that indie darling DC keeps trying to push on us, but just like "fetch", I don't know if it's gonna catch on.
44. Swamp Thing #1 by Scott Snyder and Yanick Paquette
Here's your Swamp Thing, hippies. It's even got that Scott Snyder y'all love so much. I feel like this might be a "be careful what you wish for" situation, where having ST in the main DCU isn't as awesome as you thought it was going to be.
45. Justice League Dark #1 by Peter Milligan and Mikel Janin
Better hope this is a mini. Sure, it's Milligan, but this is just Shadowpact all over again.
46. Demon Knights #1 by Paul Cornell, Diogenes Neves and Oclair Albert
See #45
47. Frankenstein: Agent Of SHADE #1 by Jeff Lemire and Alberto Ponticelli
I like Frankenstein. I like SHADE. I also realize this is just Hellboy and the BPRD. Luckily, I like this character more than I do Hellboy - that is if it's the same characterization as in Seven Soldiers.
48. Resurrection Man #1 by Dan Abnett, Andy Lanning and Fernando Dagnino
Doesn't see year 2.
49. I, Vampire #1 by Josh Fialkov and Andrea Sorrentino
Might've worked as a low-selling-as-singles-but-sells-respectably-in-trade Vertigo title, but I don't see it working as a mainstream DCU book.
50. Blackhawks #1 by Mike Costa and Ken Lashley
A cool, honor-bound group of pilots is now updated into a band of infojock mercenaries. Like Checkmate, I think this concept would be cool woven throughout the universe, and maybe given a mini here and there, but I don't think it's a viable ongoing concept.
51. Sgt Rock And The Men Of War #1 by Ivan Brandon and Tom Derenick
There are folks who love war comics. Then again, that war is typically WWII. The Big One. All that. Not sure if modernizing it will work, based on common opinions of our current wars. However, it's the DCU, so all the battles will take place in fictional places, like Bialya, so it won't matter.
52. All-Star Western #1 by Jimmy Palmiotti, Justin Grey and Meridat.
It'll march along just like Jonah Hex did. "A rose by any other name..."
So, those are my initial thoughts. I hope I wasn't too mean. If anything, I kinda wanted to make a note of this point in time so that I can come back to it when the books ship, and see if I still feel the same. What are your thoughts on the new lineup?
So, That Was Black Swan…
I tend to live in a time delay, so I finally caught up to 2010 and saw Black Swan. Yeah, so...didn't get it. I'm not saying it's bad, but I'm just not a fan. To quote Peter Griffin, "it insists upon itself". It's just so damn pretentious. It's wrapped up in this whole world that makes you think there's more to the movie than there is. I mean, first off, there's whole ballet thing. I get that there's an art to ballet, and the dance sequences were quite good. That being said, if I wanted ballet, I'd watch public television. After all, that shit is made possible by viewers like me!
Next, there's just way too much going on. I'm not even getting into the weird transformation/mindfuck stuff. I just mean that there are dangling plotlines on an almost "Claremontian" scale. What's up with Nina's crazy mother? What had Nina done to alienate the other girls in the troupe? What's Beth's story, other than the fact she was last year's model? Did the director dude really wanna fuck Nina, or was he just joshing? What did Mila Kunis leave behind in California?
Now, I've gotta keep it real, and admit that the movie didn't have my undivided attention. I was dying to get the Netflix disc back in the mail, so I watched it while tending to my Farmville neighbors. Maybe it would've been engaging in a theater, but the mind started to wander.
Seriously though, I'd rank this movie about a notch above Showgirls. Now, before you jump on me, I'll have you know that I hold Showgirls in higher esteem than most. I love that movie, though I acknowledge it could've done without some of the awkward sex. The same could also be said about Black Swan. Showgirls, like Black Swan, was a movie about a girl who just wanted to be a dancer - by any means necessary. Sure, Jessie Spano did a swimming pool bump & grind with The Captain, but Queen Amidala got eaten out by Meg Griffin. Po-tay-to, po-tah-to.
Anyway, it won Oscars, so clearly I'm the uncultured one. You've gotta ask yourself, though "Did I really enjoy it, or did I convince myself I enjoyed it because everyone else said they did?" I used to do that with AbFab. I grew up on Britcoms, and everyone raved over how great AbFab was. I rented it, and found that I was forcing myself to laugh over shit that I really didn't find funny. Oh well, I'm a lowly commoner. In any case, I'm sure I could learn more about the movie from repeat viewings, but I just don't care that much.
- RT @MeisterShake: Seriously folks, WHY THE FUCK would I care about YOUR horoscope? Stop tweeting it.
- A midget!!! #SNL
- I love how that Bon Iver photo was like Find The Black Guy. Oh, there he is! Between Chad and Tyler!
- If y'all wanna make fun of Lana Del Ray, you can make fun of this dude's Eunuch Wails.
- This dude is just making noises - like the kind you make when you catch your balls in the zipper. I hope the internet takes notice!
- This Bon Iver song sounds like Johnny Hates Jazz. Not complaining. I just need bigger shoulder pads.
- That's why Harlem Nights is such a good movie - it passes the torch, but you'll never get that much black talent in the same movie again.
- When is Tyler Perry gonna get cracking on the black version of The Expendables?
- If I investigated rape cases, like on SVU, my first question to the vic (that's Cop Talk) would be "Did he look like Guy Fieri?"
- Ten seconds, gun to your head - who won The Voice last season?
From The Vault
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- Saved By The Bell: The College Years AKA The Adventures of Loser Zach & AC Sanchez
- Style's 21 Day Wedding Party and I Propose
- An Analysis Of Sex Techniques: DC vs. Marvel
- I Tend To Rant
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